Living Single (1993–1998): Season 3, Episode 7 - The Handyman Can - full transcript
WHOO!
HEY. HOW'S THAT BOOKCASE
COMING, OVERTON?
IT'S JUST ABOUT FINISHED,
BUT I WOULDN'T MOVE IT UP
TO YOUR POORLY VENTILATED
ROOM UNTIL THE LACQUER DRIES.
I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO TAKE
A NAP AND WAKE UP CROSS‐EYED.
HEY, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.
COME ON, KITTY.
FISHY WANTS TO PLAY.
OH!
OH! OH!
COME ON!
OH!
OH.
OH.
SYNCLAIRE
NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO CAT‐SIT,
COULD YOU TRY TO FIND A FELINE
THAT DIDN'T ESCAPE FROM
A STEPHEN KING NOVEL?
HE'S JUST HUNGRY.
THERE WASN'T ENOUGH FOOD
IN THOSE CANS MRS. WENIG LEFT.
WELL, YOU'D THINK BETWEEN
THE HALF BALL OF YARN
THE CATNIP MOUSE
AND REGINE'S EARRING
HE'D HAVE BEEN FILLED UP BY NOW.
YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE LUCKY
IT WAS ONLY RHINESTONE.
OTHERWISE, I'D BE WEARING
THAT CAT TO WORK TOMORROW.
SOMEBODY PEED ON MY PILLOW
AND I'M HOPING IT WAS THE CAT.
I'M SORRY, BUT
DON'T BE MAD AT HIM.
HE'S SUCH A CUTE
LITTLE FUZZY WUZZUMS.
AREN'T YOU? AREN'T YOU?
AW, YOU FREAKING MONSTER!
♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪
♪ HEY ♪
♪ SINGLE ♪
♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪
♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ WHAT? ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ WHENEVER THIS
LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪
♪ MY HOMEGIRL
STANDING TO MY LEFT ♪
♪ AND MY RIGHT ♪
♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S
TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪
Captioning sponsored by FOX
BROADCASTING COMPANY
EXCUSE ME.
MAX, TELL THAT'S NOT
SKITTLES IN YOUR CEREAL.
COME ON, KHADIJAH.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
THIS IS M&Ms.
COME ON, MITTENS.
I'M SORRY I YELLED AT YOU.
HERE'S SOME TASTY LIVER TREATS,
MUCH YUMMIER THAN MY FINGERS.
OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THAT, SWEET DIGITS.
HOW MUCH LONGER WE GOT
TO PUT UP WITH CUJO KITTY?
ACTUALLY, MRS. WENIG
SHOULD BE HOME NOW.
SHE HAD TO PICK UP HER OTHER
FIVE CATS FROM THE KENNEL.
IF SHE HAS FIVE OTHER
CATS AT THE KENNEL
HOW WE GET STUCK WITH MITTENS?
HE NEEDS MORE
ATTENTION THAN MOST CATS.
PLUS, THE KENNEL BANNED HIM.
OW! OW! OH...
I GOT TO BE ALLERGIC
TO ALL THIS CAT HAIR.
I CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH
MY NOSE, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, MAX.
KHADIJAH, REMEMBER THE
TIME I GOT THOSE TWO MARBLES
STUCK UP MY NOSTRILS?
THAT'S THE LAST MAGIC
SHOW WE EVER DID.
HEY, HEY, PEOPLE.
HEY, MAXINE.
GIVE ME SOME SUGAR, BABY.
OH, WAIT. DO NOT
EXHALE UNTIL I RETREAT.
NO, NO, NO!
UGH!
OH, MY GOD!
SHE'S ALLERGIC TO THE CAT.
HERE'S A THOUGHT.
LET'S GET AWAY FROM THE CAT.
I CAN'T.
WHY NOT? YOU'RE
DRIVING ME CRAZY.
LOOK AT THAT.
YOU ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION.
OKAY, MITTENS, TIME TO TRAVEL.
HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.
COME ON, KITTY.
I‐IS HE OKAY?
UH, LET'S JUST SAY
HE'S FEELING NO PAIN.
HEY, YOU KNOW
THE FRIDGE IS DOING THAT
"TOO COLD" ROUTINE AGAIN?
I WOULDN'T KNOW.
I BEEN TOO BUSY CLEANING UP.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
HEY, I DON'T DO
THE DEAD CAT THING.
HERE'S YOUR EARRING.
I THOUGHT MITTENS ATE THIS.
HE DID.
EW!
YOU'RE SO NASTY!
SO... HOW DID MRS.
WENIG TAKE THE NEWS?
SHE WAS PRETTY UPSET
BUT I GUESS SHE WAS RELIEVED
MITTENS DIDN'T REALLY SUFFER.
MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THAT BOOKCASE.
I MEAN, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT
AND MRS. WENIG'S
OTHER CATS KNEW IT.
THEY STARED ME DOWN
WITH HATE IN THEIR EYES.
OVERTON, THEY'RE CATS.
THEY HATE ALL PEOPLE.
ONLY REASON THEY
DON'T KILL US, 'CAUSE THEY
CAN'T PACK A GAT.
I'M SO GLAD WE'LL ALL BE
ABLE TO PAY OUR RESPECTS
AT MITTENS' FUNERAL.
FUNERAL?
FOR A CAT?
WE OFFERED TO TAKE CARE
OF THE ARRANGEMENTS.
IT'S THE LEAST WE COULD DO.
THAT'S THE MOST WE COULD DO.
THE LEAST WE COULD DO IS DROP
HIS ASS IN THE GARBAGE OUT BACK.
I'M NOT GOING.
YOU HAVE TO GO.
MRS. WENIG IS EXPECTING
ALL OF US THERE.
DON'T YOU AT LEAST
HAVE TO KNOW SOMEONE
TO BE EXPECTED AT THEIR FUNERAL?
I THINK YOU
AUTOMATICALLY QUALIFY
IF THEY WERE KILLED
IN YOUR HOUSE.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO.
SO, UH...
IS IT GOING TO BE AN OPEN
OR CLOSED SHOE BOX?
OH, MY GOD!
KHADIJAH! KHADIJAH! KHADIJAH!
KHADIJAH, THIS IS SERIOUS.
MITTENS HAS CROSSED OVER.
KHADIJAH'S JOKE‐‐
ALTHOUGH IN POOR TASTE‐‐
HAS GIVEN ME AN IDEA.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING TO BUILD
MITTENS A CAT CASKET.
'COURSE, IT'S GOING TO BE
SOMEBODY ELSE'S JOB
TO MAKE MITTENS
LOOK LIKE A CAT AGAIN.
Synclaire: HE WAS A
GOOD CAT, A PROUD CAT.
A CAT THAT HAD
EVERYTHING TO LIVE FOR
AND, YET, I THINK
WE CAN ALL BE HAPPY
HE'S GONE TO A BETTER PLACE.
I BELIEVE THAT IN KITTY HEAVEN
IT RAINS MILK, AND
EVERY MOUSE HAS A LIMP.
IN DOGGIE HEAVEN
THERE ARE FIRE HYDRANTS
ON EVERY CORNER
AND PLENTY OF CATS TO CHASE.
MAYBE DOGGIE
HEAVEN IS KITTY HELL.
ANYWAY... WHEN MY SCRATCHES HEAL
ALL I'LL LEFT ARE THE
MEMORIES AND THE SCARS.
GOOD‐BYE, MITTENS.
WELL, OBIE
MAN, YOU DID A GREAT
JOB ON THAT CASKET.
YOU'VE OUTDONE YOURSELF, MAN.
YEAH, I LINED IT WITH PINSTRIPE
TO MATCH THE SUIT THAT
MRS. WENIG BURIED MITTENS IN.
I'M COMING THROUGH.
HAS THE DEMISE OF MITTENS
BROUGHT OUT THE
TENDER SIDE OF MAX?
FREAK THE CAT.
DO YOU MIND?
I JUST RECEIVED SOME
VERY DISTURBING NEWS.
OH, WAIT. WHAT'D THE
DOCTOR SAY, BABY?
SHE SAID THAT I'VE
DEVELOPED AN ALLERGY
AND IT'S NOT TO CATS.
OKAY, TO WHAT THEN?
CHOCOLATE.
OH, DEAR LORD.
WHY?!
WHY COULDN'T I BE ALLERGIC
TO DUST OR PENICILLIN...
OR YOU?
IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH
TO ME AND THE OTHER CATS
IF YOU WOULD SAY A FEW
WORDS ABOUT MITTENS.
HE ALWAYS SPOKE
SO HIGHLY OF YOU.
AFTER YOU'RE DONE GRIEVING
YOU MIGHT WANT TO TALK TO
SOMEONE... YOU KNOW, HUMAN.
HE CAME... HE SHED, HE DIED.
KYLE?
OH, SO YOUNG, SO YOUNG.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?
I DON'T KNOW. SING SOMETHING.
I DON'T...
UM... ♪ WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT? ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT? ♪
♪ OHH ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. ♪
OVERTON, MRS. WENIG TOLD ME
THAT THAT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
CAT CASKET SHE'S EVER SEEN.
DANG. IF MITTENS
WASN'T ALREADY DEAD
THAT WOULD HAVE
KILLED HIM AGAIN.
SO THEN, AFTER MRS. WENIG
TOOK A SWING AT OVERTON
THEY HAD TO SEDATE HER
AND BURY THE DOGGONE
CAT IN A GIANT ZIPLOC.
I CANNOT BELIEVE I MISSED A
CAT FALLING OUT OF A CASKET.
I GUESS THEY DON'T FALL
ON THEIR FEET, NOW DO THEY?
WHO CARES?
THAT LOONY OLD
LADY CAN GET A CAT
BEHIND ANY FISH MARKET.
I AM ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
AND HAS ANYBODY
TAUNTED YOU ABOUT THIS?
OH, OKAY.
NOW I SEE WHERE I FIT IN.
MMM!
OH, COME ON, OVERTON, MAN.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
NO, KYLE.
IT WAS DEFINITELY A WAKE‐UP CALL
FROM THE GREAT
CARPENTER IN THE SKY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
AFTER THAT BOOKCASE FELL
APART, I RETRACED MY STEPS
AND I STILL COULDN'T FIGURE
OUT WHAT WENT WRONG.
THEN THE COFFIN FELL APART.
NEXT TIME SOMETHING
I BUILD FALLS APART
IT COULD BE ON TOP OF REGINE
OR SOMEBODY IMPORTANT.
MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO SAY THIS
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR
ME TO JUST MOVE ON.
I'M UH... I'M HANGING
UP MY TOOL BELT.
OH, COME ON, OVERTON.
YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
YEAH, MAN.
I MEAN, IF EVERYONE QUIT
EVERY TIME THEY MADE
A MISTAKE AT FLAVOR
I'D BE PRETTY LONELY.
I HEARD THAT.
COME ON, OVERTON.
MAN, YOU CANNOT QUIT
YOUR JOB OVER THIS.
NOPE. EVERY
HANDYMAN HAS HIS TIME
AND MINE IS CLEARLY UP.
JUST LIKE THE GREAT ATHLETE
WHO CAN NO LONGER HIT
THE BALL OVER THE FENCE
OR SINK THAT 20‐FOOT JUMP SHOT
OR DO THE ICKY
SHUFFLE IN THE END ZONE.
THIS HANDYMAN IS THROUGH.
I WON'T HEAR OF IT.
WHO WANTS A COFFIN MADE BY OBIE?
COME ON!
HERE WE GO.
I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM.
MAXINE, YOUR ALLERGIES.
I'M NOT GOING TO SWALLOW.
GUYS DOWN IN THE
PLUMBING DEPARTMENT
TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED.
BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS
SOME KIND OF SICK, TWISTED JOKE
BY A BUNCH OF TOILET JOCKEYS.
NO JOKE, PUG.
I AM HANDY NO MORE.
WHAT YOU DRINKING?
COME ON, OBIE.
I'M AS TORN UP AS THE NEXT GUY
OVER WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT CAT
BUT FACE IT, MAN‐‐ THOSE
THINGS DIE EVERY DAY.
I MEAN, I BACKED
OVER ONE LAST WEEK
BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME
WALKING TO WORK, DO YOU?
OVERTON, THAT BEER'S
POURING PRETTY SLOW.
THINK YOU CAN FIX IT?
CAN HE FIX IT?
IS USING A TABLE SAW
NAKED A BAD IDEA?
OF COURSE HE CAN FIX IT.
SHOW HIM, OBIE. FIX IT.
UH, SORRY, MIKE, BUT I DON'T
DO THAT SORT OF THING ANYMORE.
I GUESS I'LL CALL THE REPAIRMAN.
IF I TELL HIM IT'S
WET T‐SHIRT NIGHT
HE MAY SHOW UP.
COME ON, OVERTON.
PUT THAT IN A BOWL FOR PUG.
NOT NOW, KYLE.
I'M TOO DEPRESSED
TO MAKE FUN OF YOU
FOR WEARING THAT TABLECLOTH.
I GUESS I WAS WRONG.
Synclaire: WELL, OBIE, IT LOOKS.
LIKE YOU'RE HAVING FUN HERE.
OH, WELL.
SCOTCH, NEAT.
ON THE ROCKS, NO ICE.
SYNCLAIRE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IF OVERTON'S WORKING HERE
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET USED
TO BEING A BARFLY.
WELL, OVERTON, IF YOU WANT
TO AVOID HURTING PEOPLE
THIS SURE IS THE PLACE‐‐
SERVING UP ALCOHOL,
SELLING CIGARETTES...
JUST KIND OF KILLING THEM SLOWLY
AREN'T YOU?
YUP.
WHAT ARE YOU HAVING?
ALL RIGHT, OVERTON
I DIDN'T WANT TO GO HERE.
YOUR HARDWARE DIGEST
CAME THIS MORNING.
IT'S THE "METRIC
TOOLS" ISSUE. YEAH.
YOU KNOW, BABY, UH...
A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO
THAT REALLY WOULD
HAVE LIT UP MY WORLD
BUT TODAY, IT'S JUST
ANOTHER MAGAZINE.
JUST ANOTHER MAGAZINE!?
WHO ARE YOU, MAN?
WHOO. THERE IS NOTHING
TO TOP OFF A MEAL
LIKE A NICE CUP OF
CHOCOLATEY PUDDING.
OOH. AND THIS ONE'S MY
FAVORITE TOO, YOU KNOW?
"SINFULLY DELICIOUS, DOUBLE
FUDGE, CHOCOLATE CHIP...
WITH MORE CHOCOLATE."
PLAY YOUR LITTLE GAME, REGINE.
THERE ARE OTHER,
NON‐CHOCOLATE, DESSERTS
THAT CAN SATISFY MY SWEET TOOTH
LIKE THIS MOUTH‐WATERING
GRAHAM CRACKER.
MAYBE A LITTLE
ROCK‐SOLID WHIPPED CREAM
ON THAT WOULD WORK.
THAT'S IT, YOU ALL.
WE HAVE GOT TO GET
THAT REFRIGERATOR FIXED.
WHEN IS THAT BOYFRIEND OF YOURS
GETTING OFF HIS PITY TRAIN?
I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S REALLY HURTING.
HE CAN'T EVEN COME UP
WITH PET NAMES FOR ME ANYMORE.
YESTERDAY, HE CALLED ME
HIS LITTLE WHATCHAMACALLIT.
WELL, I AM NOT WAITING.
I'M GETTING THE
LANDLORD TO FIX THIS.
HI, MR. JANOLLARI.
HEY, IT'S KHADIJAH JAMES,
YOUR FAVORITE TENANT.
LISTEN, MAN, WE GOT A
REFRIGERATOR OVER HERE
THAT COULD COOL OFF
THE WHOLE BUILDING.
WHAT?
OH, I SEE. ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
HE SAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
A NEW HANDYMAN BY FRIDAY.
WHAT?
ALL RIGHT.
THIS COULD BE THE
THING OVERTON NEEDS.
I'M GOING TO TELL HIM
HE'S ABOUT TO BE REPLACED.
NO OTHER MAN'S GOING
TO GROUT MY TUB, OKAY?
BRING SOME RAISINETTES
WITHOUT THE CHOCOLATE.
WOULDN'T THAT
JUST BE RAISINS, MAX?
I CAN DREAM, CAN'T I?
YUP. COUPLE MORE MINUTES
AND THIS BEER IS ALL YOURS.
HEY, EVERYONE.
All: SYNCLAIRE!
HELLO, MY LITTLE... UM... HEY!
WHAT ARE YOU HAVING?
THE USUAL.
ONE VIRGIN MUDSLIDE
COMING RIGHT UP.
AND I'LL HAVE A BOMBAY
SAPPHIRE MARTINI
STRAIGHT UP, VERY DRY.
RUB THE LEMON TWIST
HALFWAY AROUND THE RIM
AND DON'T TELL ME WHICH HALF.
HOW ABOUT A VIRGIN MUDSLIDE?
FAIR ENOUGH.
OKAY, NOW, LISTEN.
WE CAN'T COME RIGHT OUT
AND TELL HIM HE'S
BEING REPLACED.
OVERTON IS A PROUD MAN
AND THAT WILL MAKE
HIM MORE RESISTANT.
WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO BE... SUBTLE.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
AND USE JUST A
TOUCH OF... FINESSE.
YES. NOW DO YOU THINK
YOU CAN HANDLE THAT?
I'LL FOLLOW YOUR LEAD.
OKAY, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, SO, KYLE
HOW ARE THINGS DOWN
BY WHERE YOU WORK?
WELL... BECAUSE
AT THE BROWNSTONE
THEY'RE HIRING A NEW HANDYMAN.
IT'LL SURE BE NICE
TO HAVE A STRANGER
WITH A PASSKEY
JUST COME AND GO AS HE PLEASES.
HIS NAME IS JOSHUA.
HE'S GOT 18 YEARS EXPERIENCE,
A LOVING WIFE, THREE KIDS
AND THIS IS ONE SAD PERFORMANCE.
NICE GOING, KYLE.
ROB SHARP, LODGE BAR REPAIR.
OVERTON WAKEFIELD
JONES, BARTENDER.
MAN, IT'S THIS TAP.
BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY...
MR. JONES, I KNOW
YOU'RE CONCERNED
BUT THE BEST THING
YOU CAN DO TO HELP
IS TO STEP ASIDE.
YOU MUST HAVE
EVERY TOOL THEY MAKE.
Overton: OH, MAN.
THIS IS A 48‐PIECE SOCKET
SET WITH THREE‐EIGHTHS
TO HALF‐INCH CONVERSIONS.
THE RATCHET'S MADE OF A
TEMPERED STEEL ALLOY‐‐
COLD TO THE TOUCH.
HOLDING ONE IN YOUR HAND
MAKES YOU FEEL COMPLETE‐‐
LIKE THERE'S NOTHING IN
THE WORLD YOU CAN'T TIGHTEN.
Sharp: WELL!
I REAMED THE TAP AS
PER MANUAL SPECS.
IT'S STILL POURING SLOWLY.
I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO REPLACE THE UNIT.
I'M GOING IN.
REPLACE IT?
THIS IS A VINTAGE TAP 'N' FLOW.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER
TO CHECK THE PRESSURE
DOWN IN THE...
UH, WHO WANTS A LIME RICKEY?
COME ON, OVERTON.
IF HE'S DOING IT INCORRECTLY
AT LEAST TELL HIM HOW TO DO IT.
YEAH, OBIE, YOU
WOULDN'T ACTUALLY
BE TOUCHING THE TOOLS.
WELL, I GUESS I COULD.
WOULDN'T HURT ANYBODY IF I
JUST TALKED HIM THROUGH IT.
THERE YOU GO.
IT WOULD BE LIKE CHARLTON HESTON
HELPING KAREN BLACK
LAND THAT JUMBO JET
IN AIRPORT '75.
YES, YES!
YO, ROB, UH...
BEFORE YOU THROW AWAY
THIS HIGH‐PRICED EQUIPMENT
YOU MIND CHECKING THE POUR
TO SEE IF IT'S INHIBITED
BY THE LOW PRESSURE OF THE CO2?
FRIEND, THE GAUGE
READS 27 POUNDS.
THAT'S PER SPECS.
WELL, WHAT IF THE GAUGE
IS MALFUNCTIONING...
BUDDY?
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER
I'LL TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT IT.
THIS IS JUST THE
THING OBIE NEEDS
TO GET HIM TO COME AROUND.
I ONLY HOPE SO
BECAUSE HE MAKES A DECIDEDLY
SUBSTANDARD VIRGIN MUDSLIDE.
OH, IT STILL READS 27.
IT IS THE GAUGE.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS ADD A NEW PRESSURE SLEEVE.
NO, NO. THE MANUAL SAYS
YOU HAVE TO PULL THE CO2 UNIT.
THE MANUAL'S WRONG.
OH, SO YOU'RE A MAVERICK.
OKAY. YOU WANT TO GO
AGAINST THE MANUAL? FINE.
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
LET'S DO THIS.
WELL, THAT SHOULD
JUST ABOUT DO IT.
YEAH, I JUST GOT ONE QUESTION.
WHO'S THIRSTY?
YO, ROB.
YOU GOT ANY OF THAT
WOODY WOOD GLUE
IN THAT SOUPED‐UP TOOL BOX?
I'M GOING TO FIX
THIS TAP HANDLE.
IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
WOODY WOOD GLUE?
I GOT RID OF THAT STUFF.
THEY JUST RECALLED
LAST MONTH'S BATCH.
IT DIDN'T HOLD ITS SEAL.
SO, IF YOU USED
THAT FAULTY GLUE...
UH‐HUH.
ON A COFFIN YOU BUILT
BECAUSE A BOOKCASE
KILLED A CAT...
COME ON, COME ON. YEAH, YEAH.
'CAUSE YOU USED THE SAME GLUE...
Kyle: MM‐HMM.
RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
YOU PROBABLY REALIZE
THAT IT WASN'T YOUR
FAULT THAT IT FELL APART.
HELL, NO!
IT'S THE RISK WE RUN EVERY DAY.
AH!
COME TO MAMA, OBIE.
ALL RIGHT, MY ZESTY ZINFANDEL.
I JUST WISH I HAD
SOMETHING ELSE
TO FIX AROUND HERE.
OH, OH, OH, OH,
OKAY.
FIX IT.
FIX THAT.
SYNCLAIRE, YOU KNOW
I CAN'T FIX WATCHES.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HEY. HOW'S THAT BOOKCASE
COMING, OVERTON?
IT'S JUST ABOUT FINISHED,
BUT I WOULDN'T MOVE IT UP
TO YOUR POORLY VENTILATED
ROOM UNTIL THE LACQUER DRIES.
I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO TAKE
A NAP AND WAKE UP CROSS‐EYED.
HEY, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.
COME ON, KITTY.
FISHY WANTS TO PLAY.
OH!
OH! OH!
COME ON!
OH!
OH.
OH.
SYNCLAIRE
NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO CAT‐SIT,
COULD YOU TRY TO FIND A FELINE
THAT DIDN'T ESCAPE FROM
A STEPHEN KING NOVEL?
HE'S JUST HUNGRY.
THERE WASN'T ENOUGH FOOD
IN THOSE CANS MRS. WENIG LEFT.
WELL, YOU'D THINK BETWEEN
THE HALF BALL OF YARN
THE CATNIP MOUSE
AND REGINE'S EARRING
HE'D HAVE BEEN FILLED UP BY NOW.
YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE LUCKY
IT WAS ONLY RHINESTONE.
OTHERWISE, I'D BE WEARING
THAT CAT TO WORK TOMORROW.
SOMEBODY PEED ON MY PILLOW
AND I'M HOPING IT WAS THE CAT.
I'M SORRY, BUT
DON'T BE MAD AT HIM.
HE'S SUCH A CUTE
LITTLE FUZZY WUZZUMS.
AREN'T YOU? AREN'T YOU?
AW, YOU FREAKING MONSTER!
♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪
♪ HEY ♪
♪ SINGLE ♪
♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪
♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ WHAT? ♪
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ WHENEVER THIS
LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪
♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪
♪ MY HOMEGIRL
STANDING TO MY LEFT ♪
♪ AND MY RIGHT ♪
♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S
TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪
Captioning sponsored by FOX
BROADCASTING COMPANY
EXCUSE ME.
MAX, TELL THAT'S NOT
SKITTLES IN YOUR CEREAL.
COME ON, KHADIJAH.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
THIS IS M&Ms.
COME ON, MITTENS.
I'M SORRY I YELLED AT YOU.
HERE'S SOME TASTY LIVER TREATS,
MUCH YUMMIER THAN MY FINGERS.
OH, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THAT, SWEET DIGITS.
HOW MUCH LONGER WE GOT
TO PUT UP WITH CUJO KITTY?
ACTUALLY, MRS. WENIG
SHOULD BE HOME NOW.
SHE HAD TO PICK UP HER OTHER
FIVE CATS FROM THE KENNEL.
IF SHE HAS FIVE OTHER
CATS AT THE KENNEL
HOW WE GET STUCK WITH MITTENS?
HE NEEDS MORE
ATTENTION THAN MOST CATS.
PLUS, THE KENNEL BANNED HIM.
OW! OW! OH...
I GOT TO BE ALLERGIC
TO ALL THIS CAT HAIR.
I CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH
MY NOSE, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, MAX.
KHADIJAH, REMEMBER THE
TIME I GOT THOSE TWO MARBLES
STUCK UP MY NOSTRILS?
THAT'S THE LAST MAGIC
SHOW WE EVER DID.
HEY, HEY, PEOPLE.
HEY, MAXINE.
GIVE ME SOME SUGAR, BABY.
OH, WAIT. DO NOT
EXHALE UNTIL I RETREAT.
NO, NO, NO!
UGH!
OH, MY GOD!
SHE'S ALLERGIC TO THE CAT.
HERE'S A THOUGHT.
LET'S GET AWAY FROM THE CAT.
I CAN'T.
WHY NOT? YOU'RE
DRIVING ME CRAZY.
LOOK AT THAT.
YOU ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION.
OKAY, MITTENS, TIME TO TRAVEL.
HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.
COME ON, KITTY.
I‐IS HE OKAY?
UH, LET'S JUST SAY
HE'S FEELING NO PAIN.
HEY, YOU KNOW
THE FRIDGE IS DOING THAT
"TOO COLD" ROUTINE AGAIN?
I WOULDN'T KNOW.
I BEEN TOO BUSY CLEANING UP.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP.
HEY, I DON'T DO
THE DEAD CAT THING.
HERE'S YOUR EARRING.
I THOUGHT MITTENS ATE THIS.
HE DID.
EW!
YOU'RE SO NASTY!
SO... HOW DID MRS.
WENIG TAKE THE NEWS?
SHE WAS PRETTY UPSET
BUT I GUESS SHE WAS RELIEVED
MITTENS DIDN'T REALLY SUFFER.
MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH THAT BOOKCASE.
I MEAN, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT
AND MRS. WENIG'S
OTHER CATS KNEW IT.
THEY STARED ME DOWN
WITH HATE IN THEIR EYES.
OVERTON, THEY'RE CATS.
THEY HATE ALL PEOPLE.
ONLY REASON THEY
DON'T KILL US, 'CAUSE THEY
CAN'T PACK A GAT.
I'M SO GLAD WE'LL ALL BE
ABLE TO PAY OUR RESPECTS
AT MITTENS' FUNERAL.
FUNERAL?
FOR A CAT?
WE OFFERED TO TAKE CARE
OF THE ARRANGEMENTS.
IT'S THE LEAST WE COULD DO.
THAT'S THE MOST WE COULD DO.
THE LEAST WE COULD DO IS DROP
HIS ASS IN THE GARBAGE OUT BACK.
I'M NOT GOING.
YOU HAVE TO GO.
MRS. WENIG IS EXPECTING
ALL OF US THERE.
DON'T YOU AT LEAST
HAVE TO KNOW SOMEONE
TO BE EXPECTED AT THEIR FUNERAL?
I THINK YOU
AUTOMATICALLY QUALIFY
IF THEY WERE KILLED
IN YOUR HOUSE.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL GO.
SO, UH...
IS IT GOING TO BE AN OPEN
OR CLOSED SHOE BOX?
OH, MY GOD!
KHADIJAH! KHADIJAH! KHADIJAH!
KHADIJAH, THIS IS SERIOUS.
MITTENS HAS CROSSED OVER.
KHADIJAH'S JOKE‐‐
ALTHOUGH IN POOR TASTE‐‐
HAS GIVEN ME AN IDEA.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING TO BUILD
MITTENS A CAT CASKET.
'COURSE, IT'S GOING TO BE
SOMEBODY ELSE'S JOB
TO MAKE MITTENS
LOOK LIKE A CAT AGAIN.
Synclaire: HE WAS A
GOOD CAT, A PROUD CAT.
A CAT THAT HAD
EVERYTHING TO LIVE FOR
AND, YET, I THINK
WE CAN ALL BE HAPPY
HE'S GONE TO A BETTER PLACE.
I BELIEVE THAT IN KITTY HEAVEN
IT RAINS MILK, AND
EVERY MOUSE HAS A LIMP.
IN DOGGIE HEAVEN
THERE ARE FIRE HYDRANTS
ON EVERY CORNER
AND PLENTY OF CATS TO CHASE.
MAYBE DOGGIE
HEAVEN IS KITTY HELL.
ANYWAY... WHEN MY SCRATCHES HEAL
ALL I'LL LEFT ARE THE
MEMORIES AND THE SCARS.
GOOD‐BYE, MITTENS.
WELL, OBIE
MAN, YOU DID A GREAT
JOB ON THAT CASKET.
YOU'VE OUTDONE YOURSELF, MAN.
YEAH, I LINED IT WITH PINSTRIPE
TO MATCH THE SUIT THAT
MRS. WENIG BURIED MITTENS IN.
I'M COMING THROUGH.
HAS THE DEMISE OF MITTENS
BROUGHT OUT THE
TENDER SIDE OF MAX?
FREAK THE CAT.
DO YOU MIND?
I JUST RECEIVED SOME
VERY DISTURBING NEWS.
OH, WAIT. WHAT'D THE
DOCTOR SAY, BABY?
SHE SAID THAT I'VE
DEVELOPED AN ALLERGY
AND IT'S NOT TO CATS.
OKAY, TO WHAT THEN?
CHOCOLATE.
OH, DEAR LORD.
WHY?!
WHY COULDN'T I BE ALLERGIC
TO DUST OR PENICILLIN...
OR YOU?
IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH
TO ME AND THE OTHER CATS
IF YOU WOULD SAY A FEW
WORDS ABOUT MITTENS.
HE ALWAYS SPOKE
SO HIGHLY OF YOU.
AFTER YOU'RE DONE GRIEVING
YOU MIGHT WANT TO TALK TO
SOMEONE... YOU KNOW, HUMAN.
HE CAME... HE SHED, HE DIED.
KYLE?
OH, SO YOUNG, SO YOUNG.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?
I DON'T KNOW. SING SOMETHING.
I DON'T...
UM... ♪ WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT? ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪
♪ WHAT'S NEW, PUSSYCAT? ♪
♪ OHH ♪
♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. ♪
OVERTON, MRS. WENIG TOLD ME
THAT THAT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
CAT CASKET SHE'S EVER SEEN.
DANG. IF MITTENS
WASN'T ALREADY DEAD
THAT WOULD HAVE
KILLED HIM AGAIN.
SO THEN, AFTER MRS. WENIG
TOOK A SWING AT OVERTON
THEY HAD TO SEDATE HER
AND BURY THE DOGGONE
CAT IN A GIANT ZIPLOC.
I CANNOT BELIEVE I MISSED A
CAT FALLING OUT OF A CASKET.
I GUESS THEY DON'T FALL
ON THEIR FEET, NOW DO THEY?
WHO CARES?
THAT LOONY OLD
LADY CAN GET A CAT
BEHIND ANY FISH MARKET.
I AM ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
AND HAS ANYBODY
TAUNTED YOU ABOUT THIS?
OH, OKAY.
NOW I SEE WHERE I FIT IN.
MMM!
OH, COME ON, OVERTON, MAN.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
NO, KYLE.
IT WAS DEFINITELY A WAKE‐UP CALL
FROM THE GREAT
CARPENTER IN THE SKY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
AFTER THAT BOOKCASE FELL
APART, I RETRACED MY STEPS
AND I STILL COULDN'T FIGURE
OUT WHAT WENT WRONG.
THEN THE COFFIN FELL APART.
NEXT TIME SOMETHING
I BUILD FALLS APART
IT COULD BE ON TOP OF REGINE
OR SOMEBODY IMPORTANT.
MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO SAY THIS
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR
ME TO JUST MOVE ON.
I'M UH... I'M HANGING
UP MY TOOL BELT.
OH, COME ON, OVERTON.
YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
YEAH, MAN.
I MEAN, IF EVERYONE QUIT
EVERY TIME THEY MADE
A MISTAKE AT FLAVOR
I'D BE PRETTY LONELY.
I HEARD THAT.
COME ON, OVERTON.
MAN, YOU CANNOT QUIT
YOUR JOB OVER THIS.
NOPE. EVERY
HANDYMAN HAS HIS TIME
AND MINE IS CLEARLY UP.
JUST LIKE THE GREAT ATHLETE
WHO CAN NO LONGER HIT
THE BALL OVER THE FENCE
OR SINK THAT 20‐FOOT JUMP SHOT
OR DO THE ICKY
SHUFFLE IN THE END ZONE.
THIS HANDYMAN IS THROUGH.
I WON'T HEAR OF IT.
WHO WANTS A COFFIN MADE BY OBIE?
COME ON!
HERE WE GO.
I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM.
MAXINE, YOUR ALLERGIES.
I'M NOT GOING TO SWALLOW.
GUYS DOWN IN THE
PLUMBING DEPARTMENT
TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED.
BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS
SOME KIND OF SICK, TWISTED JOKE
BY A BUNCH OF TOILET JOCKEYS.
NO JOKE, PUG.
I AM HANDY NO MORE.
WHAT YOU DRINKING?
COME ON, OBIE.
I'M AS TORN UP AS THE NEXT GUY
OVER WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT CAT
BUT FACE IT, MAN‐‐ THOSE
THINGS DIE EVERY DAY.
I MEAN, I BACKED
OVER ONE LAST WEEK
BUT YOU DON'T SEE ME
WALKING TO WORK, DO YOU?
OVERTON, THAT BEER'S
POURING PRETTY SLOW.
THINK YOU CAN FIX IT?
CAN HE FIX IT?
IS USING A TABLE SAW
NAKED A BAD IDEA?
OF COURSE HE CAN FIX IT.
SHOW HIM, OBIE. FIX IT.
UH, SORRY, MIKE, BUT I DON'T
DO THAT SORT OF THING ANYMORE.
I GUESS I'LL CALL THE REPAIRMAN.
IF I TELL HIM IT'S
WET T‐SHIRT NIGHT
HE MAY SHOW UP.
COME ON, OVERTON.
PUT THAT IN A BOWL FOR PUG.
NOT NOW, KYLE.
I'M TOO DEPRESSED
TO MAKE FUN OF YOU
FOR WEARING THAT TABLECLOTH.
I GUESS I WAS WRONG.
Synclaire: WELL, OBIE, IT LOOKS.
LIKE YOU'RE HAVING FUN HERE.
OH, WELL.
SCOTCH, NEAT.
ON THE ROCKS, NO ICE.
SYNCLAIRE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IF OVERTON'S WORKING HERE
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GET USED
TO BEING A BARFLY.
WELL, OVERTON, IF YOU WANT
TO AVOID HURTING PEOPLE
THIS SURE IS THE PLACE‐‐
SERVING UP ALCOHOL,
SELLING CIGARETTES...
JUST KIND OF KILLING THEM SLOWLY
AREN'T YOU?
YUP.
WHAT ARE YOU HAVING?
ALL RIGHT, OVERTON
I DIDN'T WANT TO GO HERE.
YOUR HARDWARE DIGEST
CAME THIS MORNING.
IT'S THE "METRIC
TOOLS" ISSUE. YEAH.
YOU KNOW, BABY, UH...
A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO
THAT REALLY WOULD
HAVE LIT UP MY WORLD
BUT TODAY, IT'S JUST
ANOTHER MAGAZINE.
JUST ANOTHER MAGAZINE!?
WHO ARE YOU, MAN?
WHOO. THERE IS NOTHING
TO TOP OFF A MEAL
LIKE A NICE CUP OF
CHOCOLATEY PUDDING.
OOH. AND THIS ONE'S MY
FAVORITE TOO, YOU KNOW?
"SINFULLY DELICIOUS, DOUBLE
FUDGE, CHOCOLATE CHIP...
WITH MORE CHOCOLATE."
PLAY YOUR LITTLE GAME, REGINE.
THERE ARE OTHER,
NON‐CHOCOLATE, DESSERTS
THAT CAN SATISFY MY SWEET TOOTH
LIKE THIS MOUTH‐WATERING
GRAHAM CRACKER.
MAYBE A LITTLE
ROCK‐SOLID WHIPPED CREAM
ON THAT WOULD WORK.
THAT'S IT, YOU ALL.
WE HAVE GOT TO GET
THAT REFRIGERATOR FIXED.
WHEN IS THAT BOYFRIEND OF YOURS
GETTING OFF HIS PITY TRAIN?
I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S REALLY HURTING.
HE CAN'T EVEN COME UP
WITH PET NAMES FOR ME ANYMORE.
YESTERDAY, HE CALLED ME
HIS LITTLE WHATCHAMACALLIT.
WELL, I AM NOT WAITING.
I'M GETTING THE
LANDLORD TO FIX THIS.
HI, MR. JANOLLARI.
HEY, IT'S KHADIJAH JAMES,
YOUR FAVORITE TENANT.
LISTEN, MAN, WE GOT A
REFRIGERATOR OVER HERE
THAT COULD COOL OFF
THE WHOLE BUILDING.
WHAT?
OH, I SEE. ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
HE SAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
A NEW HANDYMAN BY FRIDAY.
WHAT?
ALL RIGHT.
THIS COULD BE THE
THING OVERTON NEEDS.
I'M GOING TO TELL HIM
HE'S ABOUT TO BE REPLACED.
NO OTHER MAN'S GOING
TO GROUT MY TUB, OKAY?
BRING SOME RAISINETTES
WITHOUT THE CHOCOLATE.
WOULDN'T THAT
JUST BE RAISINS, MAX?
I CAN DREAM, CAN'T I?
YUP. COUPLE MORE MINUTES
AND THIS BEER IS ALL YOURS.
HEY, EVERYONE.
All: SYNCLAIRE!
HELLO, MY LITTLE... UM... HEY!
WHAT ARE YOU HAVING?
THE USUAL.
ONE VIRGIN MUDSLIDE
COMING RIGHT UP.
AND I'LL HAVE A BOMBAY
SAPPHIRE MARTINI
STRAIGHT UP, VERY DRY.
RUB THE LEMON TWIST
HALFWAY AROUND THE RIM
AND DON'T TELL ME WHICH HALF.
HOW ABOUT A VIRGIN MUDSLIDE?
FAIR ENOUGH.
OKAY, NOW, LISTEN.
WE CAN'T COME RIGHT OUT
AND TELL HIM HE'S
BEING REPLACED.
OVERTON IS A PROUD MAN
AND THAT WILL MAKE
HIM MORE RESISTANT.
WE'RE GOING TO
HAVE TO BE... SUBTLE.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
AND USE JUST A
TOUCH OF... FINESSE.
YES. NOW DO YOU THINK
YOU CAN HANDLE THAT?
I'LL FOLLOW YOUR LEAD.
OKAY, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, SO, KYLE
HOW ARE THINGS DOWN
BY WHERE YOU WORK?
WELL... BECAUSE
AT THE BROWNSTONE
THEY'RE HIRING A NEW HANDYMAN.
IT'LL SURE BE NICE
TO HAVE A STRANGER
WITH A PASSKEY
JUST COME AND GO AS HE PLEASES.
HIS NAME IS JOSHUA.
HE'S GOT 18 YEARS EXPERIENCE,
A LOVING WIFE, THREE KIDS
AND THIS IS ONE SAD PERFORMANCE.
NICE GOING, KYLE.
ROB SHARP, LODGE BAR REPAIR.
OVERTON WAKEFIELD
JONES, BARTENDER.
MAN, IT'S THIS TAP.
BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY...
MR. JONES, I KNOW
YOU'RE CONCERNED
BUT THE BEST THING
YOU CAN DO TO HELP
IS TO STEP ASIDE.
YOU MUST HAVE
EVERY TOOL THEY MAKE.
Overton: OH, MAN.
THIS IS A 48‐PIECE SOCKET
SET WITH THREE‐EIGHTHS
TO HALF‐INCH CONVERSIONS.
THE RATCHET'S MADE OF A
TEMPERED STEEL ALLOY‐‐
COLD TO THE TOUCH.
HOLDING ONE IN YOUR HAND
MAKES YOU FEEL COMPLETE‐‐
LIKE THERE'S NOTHING IN
THE WORLD YOU CAN'T TIGHTEN.
Sharp: WELL!
I REAMED THE TAP AS
PER MANUAL SPECS.
IT'S STILL POURING SLOWLY.
I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO REPLACE THE UNIT.
I'M GOING IN.
REPLACE IT?
THIS IS A VINTAGE TAP 'N' FLOW.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER
TO CHECK THE PRESSURE
DOWN IN THE...
UH, WHO WANTS A LIME RICKEY?
COME ON, OVERTON.
IF HE'S DOING IT INCORRECTLY
AT LEAST TELL HIM HOW TO DO IT.
YEAH, OBIE, YOU
WOULDN'T ACTUALLY
BE TOUCHING THE TOOLS.
WELL, I GUESS I COULD.
WOULDN'T HURT ANYBODY IF I
JUST TALKED HIM THROUGH IT.
THERE YOU GO.
IT WOULD BE LIKE CHARLTON HESTON
HELPING KAREN BLACK
LAND THAT JUMBO JET
IN AIRPORT '75.
YES, YES!
YO, ROB, UH...
BEFORE YOU THROW AWAY
THIS HIGH‐PRICED EQUIPMENT
YOU MIND CHECKING THE POUR
TO SEE IF IT'S INHIBITED
BY THE LOW PRESSURE OF THE CO2?
FRIEND, THE GAUGE
READS 27 POUNDS.
THAT'S PER SPECS.
WELL, WHAT IF THE GAUGE
IS MALFUNCTIONING...
BUDDY?
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER
I'LL TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT IT.
THIS IS JUST THE
THING OBIE NEEDS
TO GET HIM TO COME AROUND.
I ONLY HOPE SO
BECAUSE HE MAKES A DECIDEDLY
SUBSTANDARD VIRGIN MUDSLIDE.
OH, IT STILL READS 27.
IT IS THE GAUGE.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO
IS ADD A NEW PRESSURE SLEEVE.
NO, NO. THE MANUAL SAYS
YOU HAVE TO PULL THE CO2 UNIT.
THE MANUAL'S WRONG.
OH, SO YOU'RE A MAVERICK.
OKAY. YOU WANT TO GO
AGAINST THE MANUAL? FINE.
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
LET'S DO THIS.
WELL, THAT SHOULD
JUST ABOUT DO IT.
YEAH, I JUST GOT ONE QUESTION.
WHO'S THIRSTY?
YO, ROB.
YOU GOT ANY OF THAT
WOODY WOOD GLUE
IN THAT SOUPED‐UP TOOL BOX?
I'M GOING TO FIX
THIS TAP HANDLE.
IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
WOODY WOOD GLUE?
I GOT RID OF THAT STUFF.
THEY JUST RECALLED
LAST MONTH'S BATCH.
IT DIDN'T HOLD ITS SEAL.
SO, IF YOU USED
THAT FAULTY GLUE...
UH‐HUH.
ON A COFFIN YOU BUILT
BECAUSE A BOOKCASE
KILLED A CAT...
COME ON, COME ON. YEAH, YEAH.
'CAUSE YOU USED THE SAME GLUE...
Kyle: MM‐HMM.
RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
YOU PROBABLY REALIZE
THAT IT WASN'T YOUR
FAULT THAT IT FELL APART.
HELL, NO!
IT'S THE RISK WE RUN EVERY DAY.
AH!
COME TO MAMA, OBIE.
ALL RIGHT, MY ZESTY ZINFANDEL.
I JUST WISH I HAD
SOMETHING ELSE
TO FIX AROUND HERE.
OH, OH, OH, OH,
OKAY.
FIX IT.
FIX THAT.
SYNCLAIRE, YOU KNOW
I CAN'T FIX WATCHES.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.