Living Single (1993–1998): Season 1, Episode 26 - She Ain't Heavy, She My Mother - full transcript
Okay, I've got it.
"Dear mother."
"Happy Mother's Day. Max."
Oh, come on, Max, isn't
that just a little impersonal?
Okay, maybe you're right.
"Best wishes, Max."
‐ Hey, lady. ‐ Hi.
Hey, snuggle bug.
‐ Yeah. ‐ What's that smell?
That delicate aroma
would be the new perfume
I just bought for my mother.
Overton, don't open..
‐ Whoo! ‐ That again.
Damn, it smell like cheese.
Does not.
Mmm, who got some nachos?
♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪
♪ Do what you want
no free position ♪
♪ We are living single ♪
♪ Ooh hey ♪
♪ Yes we're living
the single life yeah ♪
♪ We are living single ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ What? ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get tough ♪
♪ You got to fight with ♪
♪ My homegirls
standing to my left ♪
♪ And my right ♪
♪ True blue ♪
♪ And tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Do what you want
no free position ♪
♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Ha ♪
Overton, why not get your
mom what I got mine last year?
A musical doormat.
Nah, sudden melody just
scare the hell out of my ma.
You know, Mother's
Day is only two days away
and we're still
stuck for gift ideas.
What'd you get
your mom, Khadijah?
‐ I invited her for the
weekend. ‐ Oh, yeah?
Yeah. I'mma take her to
one of those fancy spas
so she can get the facial and
the manicure and the mud bath.
Mud?
You better be careful.
I had an unfortunate mud
puddle incident as a child.
I was riding my bike
and my front tire got stuck
and so did I.
To this day, I still cringe
every time I see a banana seat.
Well, I just can't wait for
you guys to meet Aunt Rita.
‐ She is terrific. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
All the kids in the neighborhood
wished they had Khadijah's
mom, especially me.
'Cause my mother can work
a nerve like no one else can.
Regine, you know
you're exaggerating.
No, well.. Alright, fine. I
do love my mother, alright?
I just love her more
when she's in Jersey.
Wearing her little festive
sweaters and her denim gauchos.
Gauchos, gauchos!
Girl, you know how she is.
"Regine, my baby."
"When you going to get married
and put some beans in the oven?"
"Don't you look
at me like that."
"I am the only mother you have."
Well, my mother
always used to say.
"God couldn't be everywhere,
so He made mothers."
But that conflicted
directly with dad's.
"God is everywhere speech."
I still toss and
turn over that one.
Well, my mom and I had
the perfect relationship.
You know, she spoils me,
I allow myself to be spoiled.
Perfect symbiosis.
Well, my mother had it
together from day one.
She's smart,
successful, beautiful.
‐ Basically, an
older me. ‐ 'Hmm.'
So how long did she have to sit
on that egg before you hatched?
At least she gave me human
chromosomes, dog boy.
Yo, Khadijah's mom is the best.
I mean, there is nothing
she won't do for this girl.
Dijah, remember that time
that she took us to see
the "Sugar Hill Gang?"
Oh, man.
♪ Have you ever went over
a friend's house to eat? ♪
♪ And the food just ain't
no good ♪ ♪ Say what? ♪
♪ I mean the macaroni's
soggy and the peas all mushed ♪
♪ And the chicken
tastes like wood ♪
Say what?
‐ Baby! ‐ Mommy! Oh.
You look great!
I know.
‐ Regine! Hi, sugar.
‐ Oh, Mrs. James.
Aunt Rita, Rita, Rita!
Synclaire!
Good to see you.
‐ And I have a little
surprise. ‐ 'Really?'
Ta‐da.
Ma?
Regine!
My baby!
So, so after graduation, me
and mom borrowed a friend's car
and just started driving.
Like "Thelma & Louise,"
only we didn't kill anybody.
You forgot about that
armadillo in Texas.
Oh.
I am really looking forward
to our day at the spa.
Oh, yes, I have goosebumps.
Khadijah, how about
some hot chocolate?
Okay, I'll show you where it is.
‐ Anybody else want
some? ‐ Um, yeah, I do.
And you can make hers to go.
Make his with poison.
You got any biscotti?
'Cause I like to dip.
Yeah, well, I'll take a double.
Uh, baby, now you know how
chocolate makes you hyper.
Let me make you some herbal tea.
Regine, your mother is a hoot.
Yes, she was a riot upstairs.
Rifling through my
underwear drawer.
And thank God, I hid my..
Christmas list.
Oh, shoot, the, uh,
Mother's Day Sale
on the Spending Channel is
about to start. Come on, shorty.
Oh, we gotta go. You know how
that Joan Rivers
collection sells out fast.
Regine, honey, I'm just
going to make you half a cup.
I don't want you
up all night going..
Man, I am so relaxed.
Is it me or is it
hot up in here?
What's that smell?
Aromatherapy masks.
They're made from
eucalyptus leaves
and works wonders for the skin.
Well, they taste terrible.
Well, not to a koala bear.
Ladies, could we
take it down a notch?
I can't hear my Zen
meditation chimes.
Oh, Khadijah, you've
been in such a good mood.
I bet your mom being
in town does that to you.
Girl, it has nothing
to do with me.
It's her new boyfriend, Alonzo.
Ma.
Well, since we're on
the subject, Regine..
No, ma, there's
no man in my life.
Okay. But you know we're
not getting any younger.
Girl, when you gonna get married
and put some beans in that oven?
‐ Ma. ‐ Okay.
But you know, I was
talking to Kyle this morning
about your situation,
and he said‐‐.
My situation? W‐w‐wait
a minute, wait a minute.
You were talking
to Kyle about me?
Ooh. Khadijah.
Khadijah, you're sensible.
Now, you tell me. Did
I do something wrong?
Well, actually, I wouldn't
have gone about it‐‐.
Khadijah, mind your business.
Baby, I was only talking to Kyle
because I wanted a man's opinion
on what you're doing wrong.
What I'm doing wrong?
Ooh, boy, I think I may be
having a heat stroke up in here.
I cannot believe
you. I can't believe.
Ms. James, you wouldn't
do something like this
to Khadijah, now, would you?
Regine, your mother's
only looking out for you.
I thought we were
minding our business.
Yeah, see, Rita is right.
Now, honey, I just want
you to be happy, and Kyle is..
Kyle's quite a catch.
Okay, there's no relaxing now.
I'm putting on the Hendrix tape.
No, really, Kyle is
handsome, he's successful
and he loves me to death.
Then you date him.
Hey, now, see? Here
you go, overreacting again.
Oh‐oh‐oh! I'm overreacting, huh?
‐ I'm overreacting? ‐
Calm down, look at you.
You know, you are really a trip.
What?
Why do you always
have to try to run my life?
So, does anybody know the
warning signs of a heart attack?
You know, Regine, a
little respect would be nice.
I am the only mother you've got.
Yeah, well, I didn't have
much of a choice, now did I?
You know, even as a child
you had that mean streak.
And you know what, Regina?
I bet they'll be a little
nicer to me at Macy's.
Okay, well, I think that
went rather nicely, don't you?
Well, aren't you
going to go after her?
Why can't she come
back to Regine?
‐ Because Laverne is
her mother. ‐ So what?
Laverne started
it. Stop trippin'.
I know you've been
in this heat too long
talking to me like that.
I know what I'm saying.
Khadijah, you know,
you're not too grown for me
to put you over my knee.
I ain't afraid of you.
Oh, come on, Regine, how long
can you stay mad at your mom?
Hey, I'm going
for a personal best.
Good thing my
mother wasn't there.
The fur would've been flying.
The Shaws are not
one to be left out.
Hey, me and my mother never
get into it like that. I mean never.
As soon as she comes
home, I'm straightening
this whole thing out.
Oh, sure, sure, Khadijah.
You always have to do the
mature thing, don't you? Don't you?
You can't ever be petty, huh?
Can ya? Is that so hard?
Okay.
The entire time you
were getting your facial
you had a big old
visitor up in your nose.
How's that for petty?
Good job, Khadijah,
and, Regine, I saw it too.
Oh, Regine, take it from me.
Fighting with your
mother is pointless.
You can't say
how you really feel.
You can't use
indelicate language
and threatening to quit school
and become a nun isn't
as effective as you'd think.
You're not even Catholic.
That's how her mother
always won the argument.
Synclaire's right. I
can't fight with my mom.
It's a no‐win situation, and
as bad as I feel right now
she'll come in here and find
a way to make me feel worse.
Unless you use
my foolproof method
of winning a fight with mom.
Go on.
Here come the evil.
All you have to do is apologize.
That's the method?
Correct. Just say you're sorry
before she even opens her mouth.
She'll have no way of
making you feel worse.
It's the perfect sucker punch.
That is so devious.
I know.
I love it.
Hi.
I bought you some socks.
They're beautiful.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
‐ I love you. ‐ I love you too.
I got to get me a
pair of those socks.
Well, I'm going to go
put these things away.
Okay.
Oh, cute hat, Regine.
Oh, Regine, you're
wearing the outfit I gave you.
Yeah, and I love it.
Yeah, I never knew a
man‐made fiber could feel so..
‐ Oh, so‐‐ ‐ Flammable.
I‐I wear it all the time.
Then how come it smells like
the inside of your cedar chest?
Ma, you gave me
that cedar chest.
Therefore, it is where I keep
all of my cherished belongings
including the multi‐colored
toe socks you gave me.
Um, mom, there's something
that I want to say to you.
Before you do, I
wanna say something.
‐ Me first. ‐ No,
I think I'd better.
‐ Ma, I just want
to say‐‐ ‐ I'm sorry.
Well, you can't
say that you're sorry
'cause I was going
to say that I'm sorry.
Oh, okay then. I forgive you.
You forgive me? You
forgive me for what?
Well, what were you
going to apologize for?
To win the argument.
I didn't do nothin' wrong.
How about acting like a
spoiled, disrespectful child?
If I wanted to be disrespectful
I'd tell you what I really
think of the cedar coffin
where I keep all of the
dead clothes you've given me.
Regine, I don't understand
what I did to make you so angry.
But I'm sorry.
Lord knows, I try
to be a good mother.
Rita.
Oh, come on, Regine.
You never had a chance.
Your mother's a pro.
She's good. Damn, she good.
Aw, come on, Overton, don't
tell me you ordered all this stuff
from the Spending Channel.
Hey, I would've bought
more, but Visa said no.
Shouldn't have left
me here all alone, man.
Hey, but doesn't this whimsical
garden gnome just say mom?
‐ Uh‐huh. ‐ Yeah.
Oh, and how do you
explain this charming lamp?
She likes to read in bed.
Yeah, well, that will
definitely keep her up.
Regine and her mother
are driving me crazy.
Ooh, nice pig lamp.
Is that for your mother?
Unless someone special
would like it for her birthday?
Oh, you spoil me, Overton.
You both scare me.
Overton, let me show
you what constitutes
an appropriate
Mother's Day gift.
Damn. When I called, they
said they were all out of those.
Clearly this is not the
crystal vase I ordered, man.
How can I send that to the woman
that carried me for
seven and a half months?
You were a preemie?
I was a breech. What's up, man?
Alright, Kyle, what
are we gonna do, man?
We gotta have our
Mother's Day gifts wrapped
and ready to go for
the delivery service.
Man, okay, you gotta
have something here
I can send to my mom. Come on.
Uh, since you
gave up this lovely
ceramic clown
toilet brush holder
I'd be willing to part with
my whimsical garden gnome.
You know, I was
hoping for something
just a little more elegant.
Well, there is one item
but the sea monkeys
have such a short lifespan.
I'll take the gnome.
Well, I'm done.
Did you know that within
15 minutes of its birth
a baby llama can
outrun most humans?
Baby, thank you for the
delicious banana pancakes
but I'm so full, I feel
like I'm going to explode.
Well, you do whatever
you want, ma. It's your day.
Blow it up.
You done with this?
Sorry, Synclaire, but I told
you she can work a nerve.
This is just pitiful.
Mother's Day is supposed to
be a day of love and tenderness
and patriotism..
Oh, now wait, now
that's Veterans Day.
But you get my gist.
Hey, it's not my fault she's
not talking to me, alright?
If she's got something to
say, she should say it to me
not to somebody else.
If I had something
to say to her, I'd say it.
But since I have nothing to say
to her, I'm not saying anything.
When are you two
just going to let this go?
Laverne, you begged me to
bring you on this trip with me
and you've been nothing
but trouble ever since.
Now, you're spoiling
this lovely breakfast
that my daughter made.
Oh, you and your daughter.
Well, I'm sorry, Regine
and I aren't so perfect.
We're not The Judds.
Or‐or "Thelma & Louise."
Yeah, yeah. We don't go
cruising around in convertibles
picking off armadillos.
Or‐or go down Fifth Avenue
holding hands and skipping.
‐ I love the socks.
‐ Oh, I love you.
‐ Oh, I love you too.
‐ I love you more.
You're my queen.
I think y'all having a little bit
too much fun at our expense.
Oh, girl, face it,
you two are freaks.
I mean, look at you, you act
like mothers and daughters
are supposed to be best friends.
Imagine you and me
trying to be best friends.
Oh, please, we have
a hard enough time
trying to be mother
and daughter.
We do bump heads, don't we?
It's a good thing
they're both hard.
You know, it probably
wouldn't be so difficult
if I just didn't worry
about you so much.
Yeah, but‐but you
have to worry about me.
You're the only mother I have.
Oh, pookie.
Well, we're out of syrup
but there's plenty
of sap right here.
Good one, ma.
Did I miss anything?
Regine and her
mother just made up.
So what?
I'm talking about breakfast.
Got any more of those
banana pancakes?
Pookie, get her some pancakes.
Man, it was good to see my mom
but I'm glad this
weekend is over.
Personally, I
enjoy Mother's Day.
I just wish I could
have seen mom's face
when that semi backed
up to her front door.
Oh, I take it your mom
liked all of her gifts?
Girl, she cried tears of joy.
However, she did repeatedly
mention how much she admired
the whimsical garden gnome
that Kyle gave his mom.
I let that jewel slip
right through my fingers.
You know what we need?
A day to get over
Mother's Day, and you won't
have to wear them tired
clothes they buy you.
You won't have to be
married with beans in the oven
and the phone lines
between you and your mama
will be shut off for 24 hours.
And we'll call it,
Daughter's Day.
Hey, hey, hey,
but what about us?
You already have
a holiday, Kyle.
Groundhog Day.
Ah, Maxine, you are
truly a waste of skin.
"Dear mother."
"Happy Mother's Day. Max."
Oh, come on, Max, isn't
that just a little impersonal?
Okay, maybe you're right.
"Best wishes, Max."
‐ Hey, lady. ‐ Hi.
Hey, snuggle bug.
‐ Yeah. ‐ What's that smell?
That delicate aroma
would be the new perfume
I just bought for my mother.
Overton, don't open..
‐ Whoo! ‐ That again.
Damn, it smell like cheese.
Does not.
Mmm, who got some nachos?
♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪
♪ Do what you want
no free position ♪
♪ We are living single ♪
♪ Ooh hey ♪
♪ Yes we're living
the single life yeah ♪
♪ We are living single ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Ooh and in a
'90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ What? ♪
♪ Keep your head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪
♪ Whenever this life get tough ♪
♪ You got to fight with ♪
♪ My homegirls
standing to my left ♪
♪ And my right ♪
♪ True blue ♪
♪ And tight like glue ♪
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
♪ Single ♪
♪ Do what you want
no free position ♪
♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
♪ Ha ♪
Overton, why not get your
mom what I got mine last year?
A musical doormat.
Nah, sudden melody just
scare the hell out of my ma.
You know, Mother's
Day is only two days away
and we're still
stuck for gift ideas.
What'd you get
your mom, Khadijah?
‐ I invited her for the
weekend. ‐ Oh, yeah?
Yeah. I'mma take her to
one of those fancy spas
so she can get the facial and
the manicure and the mud bath.
Mud?
You better be careful.
I had an unfortunate mud
puddle incident as a child.
I was riding my bike
and my front tire got stuck
and so did I.
To this day, I still cringe
every time I see a banana seat.
Well, I just can't wait for
you guys to meet Aunt Rita.
‐ She is terrific. ‐ Mm‐hmm.
All the kids in the neighborhood
wished they had Khadijah's
mom, especially me.
'Cause my mother can work
a nerve like no one else can.
Regine, you know
you're exaggerating.
No, well.. Alright, fine. I
do love my mother, alright?
I just love her more
when she's in Jersey.
Wearing her little festive
sweaters and her denim gauchos.
Gauchos, gauchos!
Girl, you know how she is.
"Regine, my baby."
"When you going to get married
and put some beans in the oven?"
"Don't you look
at me like that."
"I am the only mother you have."
Well, my mother
always used to say.
"God couldn't be everywhere,
so He made mothers."
But that conflicted
directly with dad's.
"God is everywhere speech."
I still toss and
turn over that one.
Well, my mom and I had
the perfect relationship.
You know, she spoils me,
I allow myself to be spoiled.
Perfect symbiosis.
Well, my mother had it
together from day one.
She's smart,
successful, beautiful.
‐ Basically, an
older me. ‐ 'Hmm.'
So how long did she have to sit
on that egg before you hatched?
At least she gave me human
chromosomes, dog boy.
Yo, Khadijah's mom is the best.
I mean, there is nothing
she won't do for this girl.
Dijah, remember that time
that she took us to see
the "Sugar Hill Gang?"
Oh, man.
♪ Have you ever went over
a friend's house to eat? ♪
♪ And the food just ain't
no good ♪ ♪ Say what? ♪
♪ I mean the macaroni's
soggy and the peas all mushed ♪
♪ And the chicken
tastes like wood ♪
Say what?
‐ Baby! ‐ Mommy! Oh.
You look great!
I know.
‐ Regine! Hi, sugar.
‐ Oh, Mrs. James.
Aunt Rita, Rita, Rita!
Synclaire!
Good to see you.
‐ And I have a little
surprise. ‐ 'Really?'
Ta‐da.
Ma?
Regine!
My baby!
So, so after graduation, me
and mom borrowed a friend's car
and just started driving.
Like "Thelma & Louise,"
only we didn't kill anybody.
You forgot about that
armadillo in Texas.
Oh.
I am really looking forward
to our day at the spa.
Oh, yes, I have goosebumps.
Khadijah, how about
some hot chocolate?
Okay, I'll show you where it is.
‐ Anybody else want
some? ‐ Um, yeah, I do.
And you can make hers to go.
Make his with poison.
You got any biscotti?
'Cause I like to dip.
Yeah, well, I'll take a double.
Uh, baby, now you know how
chocolate makes you hyper.
Let me make you some herbal tea.
Regine, your mother is a hoot.
Yes, she was a riot upstairs.
Rifling through my
underwear drawer.
And thank God, I hid my..
Christmas list.
Oh, shoot, the, uh,
Mother's Day Sale
on the Spending Channel is
about to start. Come on, shorty.
Oh, we gotta go. You know how
that Joan Rivers
collection sells out fast.
Regine, honey, I'm just
going to make you half a cup.
I don't want you
up all night going..
Man, I am so relaxed.
Is it me or is it
hot up in here?
What's that smell?
Aromatherapy masks.
They're made from
eucalyptus leaves
and works wonders for the skin.
Well, they taste terrible.
Well, not to a koala bear.
Ladies, could we
take it down a notch?
I can't hear my Zen
meditation chimes.
Oh, Khadijah, you've
been in such a good mood.
I bet your mom being
in town does that to you.
Girl, it has nothing
to do with me.
It's her new boyfriend, Alonzo.
Ma.
Well, since we're on
the subject, Regine..
No, ma, there's
no man in my life.
Okay. But you know we're
not getting any younger.
Girl, when you gonna get married
and put some beans in that oven?
‐ Ma. ‐ Okay.
But you know, I was
talking to Kyle this morning
about your situation,
and he said‐‐.
My situation? W‐w‐wait
a minute, wait a minute.
You were talking
to Kyle about me?
Ooh. Khadijah.
Khadijah, you're sensible.
Now, you tell me. Did
I do something wrong?
Well, actually, I wouldn't
have gone about it‐‐.
Khadijah, mind your business.
Baby, I was only talking to Kyle
because I wanted a man's opinion
on what you're doing wrong.
What I'm doing wrong?
Ooh, boy, I think I may be
having a heat stroke up in here.
I cannot believe
you. I can't believe.
Ms. James, you wouldn't
do something like this
to Khadijah, now, would you?
Regine, your mother's
only looking out for you.
I thought we were
minding our business.
Yeah, see, Rita is right.
Now, honey, I just want
you to be happy, and Kyle is..
Kyle's quite a catch.
Okay, there's no relaxing now.
I'm putting on the Hendrix tape.
No, really, Kyle is
handsome, he's successful
and he loves me to death.
Then you date him.
Hey, now, see? Here
you go, overreacting again.
Oh‐oh‐oh! I'm overreacting, huh?
‐ I'm overreacting? ‐
Calm down, look at you.
You know, you are really a trip.
What?
Why do you always
have to try to run my life?
So, does anybody know the
warning signs of a heart attack?
You know, Regine, a
little respect would be nice.
I am the only mother you've got.
Yeah, well, I didn't have
much of a choice, now did I?
You know, even as a child
you had that mean streak.
And you know what, Regina?
I bet they'll be a little
nicer to me at Macy's.
Okay, well, I think that
went rather nicely, don't you?
Well, aren't you
going to go after her?
Why can't she come
back to Regine?
‐ Because Laverne is
her mother. ‐ So what?
Laverne started
it. Stop trippin'.
I know you've been
in this heat too long
talking to me like that.
I know what I'm saying.
Khadijah, you know,
you're not too grown for me
to put you over my knee.
I ain't afraid of you.
Oh, come on, Regine, how long
can you stay mad at your mom?
Hey, I'm going
for a personal best.
Good thing my
mother wasn't there.
The fur would've been flying.
The Shaws are not
one to be left out.
Hey, me and my mother never
get into it like that. I mean never.
As soon as she comes
home, I'm straightening
this whole thing out.
Oh, sure, sure, Khadijah.
You always have to do the
mature thing, don't you? Don't you?
You can't ever be petty, huh?
Can ya? Is that so hard?
Okay.
The entire time you
were getting your facial
you had a big old
visitor up in your nose.
How's that for petty?
Good job, Khadijah,
and, Regine, I saw it too.
Oh, Regine, take it from me.
Fighting with your
mother is pointless.
You can't say
how you really feel.
You can't use
indelicate language
and threatening to quit school
and become a nun isn't
as effective as you'd think.
You're not even Catholic.
That's how her mother
always won the argument.
Synclaire's right. I
can't fight with my mom.
It's a no‐win situation, and
as bad as I feel right now
she'll come in here and find
a way to make me feel worse.
Unless you use
my foolproof method
of winning a fight with mom.
Go on.
Here come the evil.
All you have to do is apologize.
That's the method?
Correct. Just say you're sorry
before she even opens her mouth.
She'll have no way of
making you feel worse.
It's the perfect sucker punch.
That is so devious.
I know.
I love it.
Hi.
I bought you some socks.
They're beautiful.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
‐ I love you. ‐ I love you too.
I got to get me a
pair of those socks.
Well, I'm going to go
put these things away.
Okay.
Oh, cute hat, Regine.
Oh, Regine, you're
wearing the outfit I gave you.
Yeah, and I love it.
Yeah, I never knew a
man‐made fiber could feel so..
‐ Oh, so‐‐ ‐ Flammable.
I‐I wear it all the time.
Then how come it smells like
the inside of your cedar chest?
Ma, you gave me
that cedar chest.
Therefore, it is where I keep
all of my cherished belongings
including the multi‐colored
toe socks you gave me.
Um, mom, there's something
that I want to say to you.
Before you do, I
wanna say something.
‐ Me first. ‐ No,
I think I'd better.
‐ Ma, I just want
to say‐‐ ‐ I'm sorry.
Well, you can't
say that you're sorry
'cause I was going
to say that I'm sorry.
Oh, okay then. I forgive you.
You forgive me? You
forgive me for what?
Well, what were you
going to apologize for?
To win the argument.
I didn't do nothin' wrong.
How about acting like a
spoiled, disrespectful child?
If I wanted to be disrespectful
I'd tell you what I really
think of the cedar coffin
where I keep all of the
dead clothes you've given me.
Regine, I don't understand
what I did to make you so angry.
But I'm sorry.
Lord knows, I try
to be a good mother.
Rita.
Oh, come on, Regine.
You never had a chance.
Your mother's a pro.
She's good. Damn, she good.
Aw, come on, Overton, don't
tell me you ordered all this stuff
from the Spending Channel.
Hey, I would've bought
more, but Visa said no.
Shouldn't have left
me here all alone, man.
Hey, but doesn't this whimsical
garden gnome just say mom?
‐ Uh‐huh. ‐ Yeah.
Oh, and how do you
explain this charming lamp?
She likes to read in bed.
Yeah, well, that will
definitely keep her up.
Regine and her mother
are driving me crazy.
Ooh, nice pig lamp.
Is that for your mother?
Unless someone special
would like it for her birthday?
Oh, you spoil me, Overton.
You both scare me.
Overton, let me show
you what constitutes
an appropriate
Mother's Day gift.
Damn. When I called, they
said they were all out of those.
Clearly this is not the
crystal vase I ordered, man.
How can I send that to the woman
that carried me for
seven and a half months?
You were a preemie?
I was a breech. What's up, man?
Alright, Kyle, what
are we gonna do, man?
We gotta have our
Mother's Day gifts wrapped
and ready to go for
the delivery service.
Man, okay, you gotta
have something here
I can send to my mom. Come on.
Uh, since you
gave up this lovely
ceramic clown
toilet brush holder
I'd be willing to part with
my whimsical garden gnome.
You know, I was
hoping for something
just a little more elegant.
Well, there is one item
but the sea monkeys
have such a short lifespan.
I'll take the gnome.
Well, I'm done.
Did you know that within
15 minutes of its birth
a baby llama can
outrun most humans?
Baby, thank you for the
delicious banana pancakes
but I'm so full, I feel
like I'm going to explode.
Well, you do whatever
you want, ma. It's your day.
Blow it up.
You done with this?
Sorry, Synclaire, but I told
you she can work a nerve.
This is just pitiful.
Mother's Day is supposed to
be a day of love and tenderness
and patriotism..
Oh, now wait, now
that's Veterans Day.
But you get my gist.
Hey, it's not my fault she's
not talking to me, alright?
If she's got something to
say, she should say it to me
not to somebody else.
If I had something
to say to her, I'd say it.
But since I have nothing to say
to her, I'm not saying anything.
When are you two
just going to let this go?
Laverne, you begged me to
bring you on this trip with me
and you've been nothing
but trouble ever since.
Now, you're spoiling
this lovely breakfast
that my daughter made.
Oh, you and your daughter.
Well, I'm sorry, Regine
and I aren't so perfect.
We're not The Judds.
Or‐or "Thelma & Louise."
Yeah, yeah. We don't go
cruising around in convertibles
picking off armadillos.
Or‐or go down Fifth Avenue
holding hands and skipping.
‐ I love the socks.
‐ Oh, I love you.
‐ Oh, I love you too.
‐ I love you more.
You're my queen.
I think y'all having a little bit
too much fun at our expense.
Oh, girl, face it,
you two are freaks.
I mean, look at you, you act
like mothers and daughters
are supposed to be best friends.
Imagine you and me
trying to be best friends.
Oh, please, we have
a hard enough time
trying to be mother
and daughter.
We do bump heads, don't we?
It's a good thing
they're both hard.
You know, it probably
wouldn't be so difficult
if I just didn't worry
about you so much.
Yeah, but‐but you
have to worry about me.
You're the only mother I have.
Oh, pookie.
Well, we're out of syrup
but there's plenty
of sap right here.
Good one, ma.
Did I miss anything?
Regine and her
mother just made up.
So what?
I'm talking about breakfast.
Got any more of those
banana pancakes?
Pookie, get her some pancakes.
Man, it was good to see my mom
but I'm glad this
weekend is over.
Personally, I
enjoy Mother's Day.
I just wish I could
have seen mom's face
when that semi backed
up to her front door.
Oh, I take it your mom
liked all of her gifts?
Girl, she cried tears of joy.
However, she did repeatedly
mention how much she admired
the whimsical garden gnome
that Kyle gave his mom.
I let that jewel slip
right through my fingers.
You know what we need?
A day to get over
Mother's Day, and you won't
have to wear them tired
clothes they buy you.
You won't have to be
married with beans in the oven
and the phone lines
between you and your mama
will be shut off for 24 hours.
And we'll call it,
Daughter's Day.
Hey, hey, hey,
but what about us?
You already have
a holiday, Kyle.
Groundhog Day.
Ah, Maxine, you are
truly a waste of skin.