Little Dog (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Round Twelve - full transcript
Last week on Little Dog.
With Pamela out of town,
Tommy and Cassius got down
to some father-son bonding,
and Tommy got into a bit of a tangle
with the family of the man he killed.
You killed my dad!
He broke into the morgue
to have a word with him.
I came here to apologize.
As if the poor dead father
could hear anything he said!
- I got it.
- His kid, L'il Turk,
hurt Tommy, though, and he
must have appreciated it.
Fight me!
And he beat Tommy to a pulp later.
- I let him beat me, OK?
- Oh, yeah, right.
- But more importantly...
- It's my first time.
... I fell in love.
- [ROCK MUSIC]
- [PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
♪ So I sat with my head in my hands ♪
♪ And they started to rust ♪
♪ And my legs, as I tried to stand ♪
♪ They got turned into mush ♪
♪ I got sick, I got tired ♪
♪ I felt crushed ♪
♪ And I suffered a lot ♪
♪ But I drew a big line in the dust ♪
- [IN SLOW-MOTION]: Aaaah!
- ♪ For you just to not cross ♪
♪ But if you talk about a dream
enough, it might come true ♪
Three.
♪ Fall into the void ♪
♪ It's mesmerizing ♪
♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪
Yet another victory for Team Ross,
but what would you say to the
critics of your winning streak
who say you're only fighting
old, out-of-shape men?
And what or who is next for Little Dog?
Yeah. The critics, they can just go
blow pygmy goats for all I care.
Them fellas, they are fit and ready,
and they fought with all their heart.
But sure, Tammy, if you're gonna go
for ageism and body shaming,
then everybody should
go out and buy tickets
to Tommy Ross' next big fight!
An epic battle of honour and revenge.
We're talking biblical
proportions here, folks.
- What?
- Watch Tommy Ross
taking on L'il Turk,
the son of Big Turk,
- to avenge his father's death.
- Yeah,
because Tommy killed L'il
Turk's father in the ring.
I didn't kill him.
He died on his own. He
had a heart attack.
Shout with us, Little
Dog fans! Stand right up
and clap your hands! Little Dog!
- [FANS]: Little Dog!
- It looks like boxing fans
will be in for a treat. Will
L'il Turk take Little Dog
to the pound and put him
down once and for all?
Or will Tommy Ross send
his opponent back to meet
his maker just like he did
to the young pup's father?
Stay tuned for all your sports,
killer action right here on downstream
with Tammy Mackey on BONL.
Are we off? Was that too much?
[BARKING]
- What's with the hair?
- Never you mind.
Saw your interview.
And... ?
By fighting this child, you're admitting
- you murdered his father.
- You gotta give
- the fans a good story.
- Ha! Bunch of jailbirds,
lowlives and greaseballs
salivating over a drop of
blood. Those are fans?
What about you, little man?
You're a greaseball or a jailbird, hmm?
Not to mention this L'il Turk
- is a child.
- [TOMMY GRUNTING]
Why don't you give it a rest, Tommy.
Just step out of the
spotlight just for a moment.
Let someone else in the
family a chance to shine.
No, no, it's not that.
Look, look, I've been fighting
old men and bums for a month, OK?
I need some action.
I need something higher profile.
Look, I got a lot riding
on this. It's important.
And this little fella here and Pamela...
Oh, Pamela. Yes, Pamela.
You want to impress her with a fight?
How often have your fights shamed
the most important woman in your life,
- your own mother?
- Can you pretend
to be a little bit supportive?
I mean, I'm working my guts out.
I was supportive last time,
and I lost the house.
- What will I lose this time?
- Lowly Jr lost
- the house actually.
- Based on you
giving your word to Tucker.
What good is a man without his word?
[SIGHING]
What's with the outfit?
What, is it for the choir?
You're back in the choir?
Yeah. Right. Choir.
Well, that's great.
See? That's... that's...
that's fantastic.
I'm sick of all this talking.
Just leave me be.
Give me some peace.
Come on, Cassius,
let's go for a little walk,
leave your old granny in peace.
- [SIGHING]
- [SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
I'll tell you something.
No matter how old you get,
moms will always get mad at you
and they'll say horrible things.
But it don't mean they
won't want you around.
She said you should
go back to the woods.
Did she?
Yeah, well,
what kind of dad would I
be if I did that, eh?
That's not how families work.
You understand?
Hey! Look who I see!
- It's your mama.
- Mamamamama.
Hi, hi, hi.
How's my little champ, huh?
I'm alright. No complaints.
- Really?
- Mhm.
How's Rico?
Done. Finished.
- Rear-view mirror.
- Alright.
Well, here look. Sit down.
You're getting it all over yourself.
You're alright?
Better like that.
I hear you have a great fight lined up.
I have a fight lined up;
I don't know if I'd call it a great one.
It's good. You're turning things around.
I don't know if I'm gonna sign.
- Aaah, God.
- What?
Pamela, I killed this guy's father.
He killed himself when
he took you on, Tommy.
It's boxing, you take a risk
every time you get in the ring.
Everybody knows that.
What? You want to fight bums
for Tucker your entire life?
No. Uh...
Or you want a challenge?
I like a challenge,
and I like you when you like one,
so...
take the fight.
I'll be right there with you.
Yeah? What was that?
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
The three of us can be a team, huh?
A family.
Yeah?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, I'll take that.
- Great!
It's not that I don't want you there.
I just never told Mom about us.
- I couldn't find the right moment.
- I think you're scared.
- Are you scared of Mommy Ross?
- No. No, I'm not!
- I got myself all dressed up.
- I know.
You're gonna tell me I look good?
You look beautiful.
But not enough for your family?
No. No, yes! Doh!
It's complicated!
Having no balls must
be very complicated.
Guess I better take the outfit off.
- ♪ ♪
- Oooh...
Are you gonna help me? It's
not gonna get itself off.
Ah, this is the fight
I've been waiting for.
Is L'il Turk a good boxer?
We don't know that much about him.
The media will be all over it.
It's more than Shakespearean,
- it's Darwinian.
- Oh, yeah!
And Jacobian. And Norwegian.
And country and western.
Oh, it's all that
and a bag of hard Cheezies. We get that.
What we don't get
is what we need you for. Ha!
Well, you're gonna front
the thousands of dollars
that's needed to promote this thing?
You'll host it here; what can you hold?
40 spectators before the fire
department shuts you down?
I never said where I was gonna hold it.
Look, Tucker, I can make this big!
I got the smarts, I got the means,
and I got the paper.
Yep. Paper means money.
Is that right?
Is it your paper or
Aunt Phyllis's paper?
We'll take all the risk,
pay you a fee upfront.
- How big a fee?
- A reasonable one. Hmm?
What do you say?
[TOMMY]: Alright. We got some demands.
- Haha!
- Me and Pamela.
- She's my new partner.
- Is she?
'Cause I'm your old manager.
I'm your trainer.
And I'm your "you do
everything I tell you to do
until you pay me back every
red cent you owe me."
That's who I am.
OK. Alright. It's all good. I know Pam.
We can work something out, right, Pam?
OK, look. If Tommy is gonna
fight that guy, we need
an advance. A big one.
I can do that.
OK. Well,
uh... along with the advance,
"all new gear with my name on it,"
uh, "some sort of rental vehicle" and
a month's worth of gift
certificates at Pancake House."
- Mm-hmm.
- Done.
Anything else?
My mom's house back from the bank.
Haha.
[LAUGHING]: That's a good one.
But I'm not buying you a house.
I could put you up in a hotel.
Hmm? Aaah!
Hahaha! It's gonna be good!
Ohhh!
Oh, yeah. The Smallwoods
and the Tuckers working together.
Maybe I should have a word though
- with your auntie Phyllis.
- Oh. No, no, no.
That... that won't be necessary.
- No?
- She's a silent partner.
- [TUCKER]: Is that right?
- Yeah. But don't worry.
Everything's good. Stranger bedfellows
have made peace for the
sake of the green.
Green means money too, right?
Yeah.
Christ on a bicycle, Mother!
This is a new low for you!
This marriage?! Devereaux?!
Fine! Don't come to the wedding
if you feel like that, Ginny.
I wouldn't come unless
I had a full gas can
and a book of matches!
Well, actually, you have
to come to the wedding
because I am your mother.
No, I don't have to do any such thing.
I hate you in my house,
but I would rather die
than you whoring yourself
- to the fishmonger.
- Ha ha! Insult your mother
on the most important day of her life?
"Most important day of her
life," what do you mean?
That's right. Yeah, I invited
the father of your children.
I think he has a right to know
you're marrying his worst enemy!
Who?!
- Devereaux?!
- It's none of your business,
- so don't start, but yes, Devereaux.
- No!
No! No! How can you do this?!
I can marry whoever the hell I want to.
Sure, it's not gonna
be much of a picnic,
but it'll be better than the
hell you put me through!
And, Ginny, if you don't come,
I'll have no one on my side.
Uh, Sylvia, I-I-I will attend.
Otherwise, I'll just think this
is some sort of a bad dream,
and then I'll crawl into
bed with you some night,
and you'll in the arms of that...
that horrible fishy man!
Ha! Well, that's not gonna happen
because I'll be living in his castle,
and there's gates and
cameras and alarm systems.
Uh, yes.
I just came from a place
very much like that, Sylvia.
Hi, Auntie. Wait, what are you...
- No! No!
- Tucker called!
- [TIRE DEFLATING]
- Oh, come on! What are you doing?
- [GRUNTING]
- [HONK]
- Come here to me!
- No, no, no! Oh!
- What did I do?
- What did you do?
Get yourself in a whole mess of trouble!
- I was gonna tell you.
- Explain or I move to a lung!
OK. Uh, this is gonna be big,
- and it's gonna pay off.
- I told you I didn't want
Tucker's dirty hands near my money.
Look, look, look, Auntie.
You wanted me to come
into the family business
with you, right?
Now, you need to trust me, OK?
I-I-I got a cable network.
I have a cable network
that's interested.
OK, I'm gonna buy Tucker out,
and we're gonna make
100% of the profits.
OK. Triple our investment.
Maybe even quadruple.
- OK?
- Grrr!
[TIRE DEFLATING]
- Let's talk.
- OK.
- [TV SHOW SOUNDTRACK PLAYING]
- Did you enjoy that?
It was alright.
[BLOWING A RASPBERRY]
Christ! Ha!
I'm gonna be late.
[KEY CLINKING]
I dropped the keys.
There comes a time in that
wretched life of yours
where you're gonna have to
choose between your girlfriend
and your mother.
Yeah.
The universe wanted to be more clear
what it was trying to tell
you, it would drop a meteor
on your nuts.
[WOMAN SIGHING]
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
[TOMMY DOING PLANE-ENGINE SOUND]
Oh, God! I'm losing...
Oh, God! Losing... Aaaah!
- [TOMMY DOING CRASHING SOUND]
- OK, Tommy,
L'il Turk. He trained MMA.
He's been boxing less than a year.
Yeah, he's a baby.
Cassius could flatten him, couldn't you?
Let me see them hands.
- Make a fist. Yes.
- He hasn't lost yet.
Look, has he even had a pro fight?
This is his attempt to go pro.
But he is good, and he is motivated.
Look at his stats.
- Schtats?
- Stats!
Stats? Pamela loves stats, don't you?
- She does.
- Here, let me see that.
Ah! Ha ha ha!
You fell for it! She fell for it.
- I miss how gullible...
- [PAMELA LAUGHING]
... you are. I do.
Listen. I don't want to talk
about none of that stuff now, OK?
Hey.
I don't know.
I just wanna stay here.
We could have some kind
of little family night,
watch a movie.
Hmm? You too?
We don't have time.
Well, what do you gotta do?
Where do you gotta be?
Tommy, your mother is
getting married today.
What are you talking about?
She's marrying Devereaux today.
She texted us.
♪ ♪
My mother's getting married?
- To Devereaux?
- Yeah.
So like when? Now? Today? What?
Nobody thought to invite me?!
[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
Interesting choice of vehicle.
Well, my car is out of
commission at the moment.
Are they having their
wedding at a fish plant?
Mom thinks it's "meaningful."
[DOING RETCHING NOISE]
Her dad used to work here.
Shit, we all worked here.
Plus Devereaux owns it, and he's cheap.
Alright. Shall we?
- Whatever.
- Alright.
- [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- [INSECTS BUZZING]
Here he is. Remember my son Chesley?
- Hey. How you doing, man?
- Hey. Hi, Dad.
- That's her... that's her dad.
- That's my dad, yeah.
Alright. How are you
doing there, Mr. Ross?
Feeling a pain in my heart right now.
Do you have any alcohol?
- Where's Lowly Jr?
- How should I know?
Shall we move on? This
one's a slippery fish.
As we trawl the ocean floor of life,
clawing with our hungry buckets,
grappling with the
mysteries of the deep,
"and some junk from
time to time, like a...
"like a... boat or a... "
tire. But no,
that's... that's...
that's... stretched out.
No, no. Hold on, hold on.
Just trying to... I'm having a hard time
- reading my own handwriting.
- [CLANGING]
[LOWLY SR]: Glory be to the hand of God!
Sorry, Mom.
I had me a nice suit
on and everything...
Ah, it's enough that you're here!
Couldn't have got married today
without my best man, huh?
- Hahaha!
- Oh, "my best man."
Yeah.
That's what you used to call
him. Hey, remember that?
"Here comes my best little man.
And Tommy Trouble."
- [LOWLY SR]: Hi, Tommy.
- [TOMMY]: You couldn't think
to tell me that my mother
was getting married today?
- I could not utter the words, Tommy.
- Ginny?
I didn't think she'd get this far.
- Even Smallwood is here.
- Well, I didn't invite him.
You didn't invite me either, did you?
[DEVEREAUX]: No, but you're
here now, aren't you?
What are you doing?
You're marrying Devereaux.
Talk about shaming the family.
This is why I didn't invite you.
You always make a scene!
Oh, what? That's not a scene?
- Ha!
- Yeah? Well, at least
he's not making it
about him, like you do
every single time.
Do not ruin Mom's special day.
She got a point there, Tommy.
I was the one who wanted
to ruin this wedding, not you!
Who cares if it's ruined?
It's ruined and it's ruined,
so let's be done with it and go home.
I don't have a home!
♪ ♪
And every single one of you made me feel
that I didn't belong in your life!
So now, please,
hold your peace.
Today, I have finally landed the most
beautiful fish that ever appeared
in any Devereaux net ever.
I do. Just give me the ring!
Yes, the ring. Yes, I've got it on me.
OK...
Uh, I'm just gonna have to, uh...
You know...
I learned years ago, many years ago,
sitting around waiting for true
happiness was a waste of time
because true happiness is for
the naive and the stupid.
Life
is just degrees of misery.
So, if it's all a struggle,
then why not struggle
from inside a castle?
♪ ♪
Oh, yeah, well, spare me
the struggle of trying to get
your house back from the bank,
which is what I have
been in the middle of.
Turns out this shameful
little fight I got coming up,
it's pretty lucrative.
- There it is!
- Mom, don't do it.
Please, God, don't let her do it.
Mom, maybe you don't want to do this.
Do it. Go on, do it.
♪ ♪
- [GINNY]: Ugh!
- [LOWLY JR]: Ugh!
- Yeah!
- I pronounce you man and wife.
♪ I went to my old neighbourhood ♪
♪ Nothing was there ♪
You're ripe for a family seminar.
♪ The house where I lived was gone ♪
♪ The streets were all bare ♪
Does anyone have a pair of pants?
Size 36?
♪ Here where I spent ♪
- ♪ All of my childhood ♪
- 38?
♪ Nooo ♪
- A set of pliers?
- ♪ Ah, nothing but bricks ♪
♪ Broken bottles and sticks everywhere ♪
♪ Hmmm, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Now as I walk down the street ♪
♪ There's nothing to see ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ The candy store's gone ♪
♪ No one waving to me ♪
♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ A memory of our old love ♪
♪ I hoped to find there ♪
With Pamela out of town,
Tommy and Cassius got down
to some father-son bonding,
and Tommy got into a bit of a tangle
with the family of the man he killed.
You killed my dad!
He broke into the morgue
to have a word with him.
I came here to apologize.
As if the poor dead father
could hear anything he said!
- I got it.
- His kid, L'il Turk,
hurt Tommy, though, and he
must have appreciated it.
Fight me!
And he beat Tommy to a pulp later.
- I let him beat me, OK?
- Oh, yeah, right.
- But more importantly...
- It's my first time.
... I fell in love.
- [ROCK MUSIC]
- [PEOPLE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
♪ So I sat with my head in my hands ♪
♪ And they started to rust ♪
♪ And my legs, as I tried to stand ♪
♪ They got turned into mush ♪
♪ I got sick, I got tired ♪
♪ I felt crushed ♪
♪ And I suffered a lot ♪
♪ But I drew a big line in the dust ♪
- [IN SLOW-MOTION]: Aaaah!
- ♪ For you just to not cross ♪
♪ But if you talk about a dream
enough, it might come true ♪
Three.
♪ Fall into the void ♪
♪ It's mesmerizing ♪
♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪
Yet another victory for Team Ross,
but what would you say to the
critics of your winning streak
who say you're only fighting
old, out-of-shape men?
And what or who is next for Little Dog?
Yeah. The critics, they can just go
blow pygmy goats for all I care.
Them fellas, they are fit and ready,
and they fought with all their heart.
But sure, Tammy, if you're gonna go
for ageism and body shaming,
then everybody should
go out and buy tickets
to Tommy Ross' next big fight!
An epic battle of honour and revenge.
We're talking biblical
proportions here, folks.
- What?
- Watch Tommy Ross
taking on L'il Turk,
the son of Big Turk,
- to avenge his father's death.
- Yeah,
because Tommy killed L'il
Turk's father in the ring.
I didn't kill him.
He died on his own. He
had a heart attack.
Shout with us, Little
Dog fans! Stand right up
and clap your hands! Little Dog!
- [FANS]: Little Dog!
- It looks like boxing fans
will be in for a treat. Will
L'il Turk take Little Dog
to the pound and put him
down once and for all?
Or will Tommy Ross send
his opponent back to meet
his maker just like he did
to the young pup's father?
Stay tuned for all your sports,
killer action right here on downstream
with Tammy Mackey on BONL.
Are we off? Was that too much?
[BARKING]
- What's with the hair?
- Never you mind.
Saw your interview.
And... ?
By fighting this child, you're admitting
- you murdered his father.
- You gotta give
- the fans a good story.
- Ha! Bunch of jailbirds,
lowlives and greaseballs
salivating over a drop of
blood. Those are fans?
What about you, little man?
You're a greaseball or a jailbird, hmm?
Not to mention this L'il Turk
- is a child.
- [TOMMY GRUNTING]
Why don't you give it a rest, Tommy.
Just step out of the
spotlight just for a moment.
Let someone else in the
family a chance to shine.
No, no, it's not that.
Look, look, I've been fighting
old men and bums for a month, OK?
I need some action.
I need something higher profile.
Look, I got a lot riding
on this. It's important.
And this little fella here and Pamela...
Oh, Pamela. Yes, Pamela.
You want to impress her with a fight?
How often have your fights shamed
the most important woman in your life,
- your own mother?
- Can you pretend
to be a little bit supportive?
I mean, I'm working my guts out.
I was supportive last time,
and I lost the house.
- What will I lose this time?
- Lowly Jr lost
- the house actually.
- Based on you
giving your word to Tucker.
What good is a man without his word?
[SIGHING]
What's with the outfit?
What, is it for the choir?
You're back in the choir?
Yeah. Right. Choir.
Well, that's great.
See? That's... that's...
that's fantastic.
I'm sick of all this talking.
Just leave me be.
Give me some peace.
Come on, Cassius,
let's go for a little walk,
leave your old granny in peace.
- [SIGHING]
- [SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
I'll tell you something.
No matter how old you get,
moms will always get mad at you
and they'll say horrible things.
But it don't mean they
won't want you around.
She said you should
go back to the woods.
Did she?
Yeah, well,
what kind of dad would I
be if I did that, eh?
That's not how families work.
You understand?
Hey! Look who I see!
- It's your mama.
- Mamamamama.
Hi, hi, hi.
How's my little champ, huh?
I'm alright. No complaints.
- Really?
- Mhm.
How's Rico?
Done. Finished.
- Rear-view mirror.
- Alright.
Well, here look. Sit down.
You're getting it all over yourself.
You're alright?
Better like that.
I hear you have a great fight lined up.
I have a fight lined up;
I don't know if I'd call it a great one.
It's good. You're turning things around.
I don't know if I'm gonna sign.
- Aaah, God.
- What?
Pamela, I killed this guy's father.
He killed himself when
he took you on, Tommy.
It's boxing, you take a risk
every time you get in the ring.
Everybody knows that.
What? You want to fight bums
for Tucker your entire life?
No. Uh...
Or you want a challenge?
I like a challenge,
and I like you when you like one,
so...
take the fight.
I'll be right there with you.
Yeah? What was that?
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
The three of us can be a team, huh?
A family.
Yeah?
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, I'll take that.
- Great!
It's not that I don't want you there.
I just never told Mom about us.
- I couldn't find the right moment.
- I think you're scared.
- Are you scared of Mommy Ross?
- No. No, I'm not!
- I got myself all dressed up.
- I know.
You're gonna tell me I look good?
You look beautiful.
But not enough for your family?
No. No, yes! Doh!
It's complicated!
Having no balls must
be very complicated.
Guess I better take the outfit off.
- ♪ ♪
- Oooh...
Are you gonna help me? It's
not gonna get itself off.
Ah, this is the fight
I've been waiting for.
Is L'il Turk a good boxer?
We don't know that much about him.
The media will be all over it.
It's more than Shakespearean,
- it's Darwinian.
- Oh, yeah!
And Jacobian. And Norwegian.
And country and western.
Oh, it's all that
and a bag of hard Cheezies. We get that.
What we don't get
is what we need you for. Ha!
Well, you're gonna front
the thousands of dollars
that's needed to promote this thing?
You'll host it here; what can you hold?
40 spectators before the fire
department shuts you down?
I never said where I was gonna hold it.
Look, Tucker, I can make this big!
I got the smarts, I got the means,
and I got the paper.
Yep. Paper means money.
Is that right?
Is it your paper or
Aunt Phyllis's paper?
We'll take all the risk,
pay you a fee upfront.
- How big a fee?
- A reasonable one. Hmm?
What do you say?
[TOMMY]: Alright. We got some demands.
- Haha!
- Me and Pamela.
- She's my new partner.
- Is she?
'Cause I'm your old manager.
I'm your trainer.
And I'm your "you do
everything I tell you to do
until you pay me back every
red cent you owe me."
That's who I am.
OK. Alright. It's all good. I know Pam.
We can work something out, right, Pam?
OK, look. If Tommy is gonna
fight that guy, we need
an advance. A big one.
I can do that.
OK. Well,
uh... along with the advance,
"all new gear with my name on it,"
uh, "some sort of rental vehicle" and
a month's worth of gift
certificates at Pancake House."
- Mm-hmm.
- Done.
Anything else?
My mom's house back from the bank.
Haha.
[LAUGHING]: That's a good one.
But I'm not buying you a house.
I could put you up in a hotel.
Hmm? Aaah!
Hahaha! It's gonna be good!
Ohhh!
Oh, yeah. The Smallwoods
and the Tuckers working together.
Maybe I should have a word though
- with your auntie Phyllis.
- Oh. No, no, no.
That... that won't be necessary.
- No?
- She's a silent partner.
- [TUCKER]: Is that right?
- Yeah. But don't worry.
Everything's good. Stranger bedfellows
have made peace for the
sake of the green.
Green means money too, right?
Yeah.
Christ on a bicycle, Mother!
This is a new low for you!
This marriage?! Devereaux?!
Fine! Don't come to the wedding
if you feel like that, Ginny.
I wouldn't come unless
I had a full gas can
and a book of matches!
Well, actually, you have
to come to the wedding
because I am your mother.
No, I don't have to do any such thing.
I hate you in my house,
but I would rather die
than you whoring yourself
- to the fishmonger.
- Ha ha! Insult your mother
on the most important day of her life?
"Most important day of her
life," what do you mean?
That's right. Yeah, I invited
the father of your children.
I think he has a right to know
you're marrying his worst enemy!
Who?!
- Devereaux?!
- It's none of your business,
- so don't start, but yes, Devereaux.
- No!
No! No! How can you do this?!
I can marry whoever the hell I want to.
Sure, it's not gonna
be much of a picnic,
but it'll be better than the
hell you put me through!
And, Ginny, if you don't come,
I'll have no one on my side.
Uh, Sylvia, I-I-I will attend.
Otherwise, I'll just think this
is some sort of a bad dream,
and then I'll crawl into
bed with you some night,
and you'll in the arms of that...
that horrible fishy man!
Ha! Well, that's not gonna happen
because I'll be living in his castle,
and there's gates and
cameras and alarm systems.
Uh, yes.
I just came from a place
very much like that, Sylvia.
Hi, Auntie. Wait, what are you...
- No! No!
- Tucker called!
- [TIRE DEFLATING]
- Oh, come on! What are you doing?
- [GRUNTING]
- [HONK]
- Come here to me!
- No, no, no! Oh!
- What did I do?
- What did you do?
Get yourself in a whole mess of trouble!
- I was gonna tell you.
- Explain or I move to a lung!
OK. Uh, this is gonna be big,
- and it's gonna pay off.
- I told you I didn't want
Tucker's dirty hands near my money.
Look, look, look, Auntie.
You wanted me to come
into the family business
with you, right?
Now, you need to trust me, OK?
I-I-I got a cable network.
I have a cable network
that's interested.
OK, I'm gonna buy Tucker out,
and we're gonna make
100% of the profits.
OK. Triple our investment.
Maybe even quadruple.
- OK?
- Grrr!
[TIRE DEFLATING]
- Let's talk.
- OK.
- [TV SHOW SOUNDTRACK PLAYING]
- Did you enjoy that?
It was alright.
[BLOWING A RASPBERRY]
Christ! Ha!
I'm gonna be late.
[KEY CLINKING]
I dropped the keys.
There comes a time in that
wretched life of yours
where you're gonna have to
choose between your girlfriend
and your mother.
Yeah.
The universe wanted to be more clear
what it was trying to tell
you, it would drop a meteor
on your nuts.
[WOMAN SIGHING]
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
[TOMMY DOING PLANE-ENGINE SOUND]
Oh, God! I'm losing...
Oh, God! Losing... Aaaah!
- [TOMMY DOING CRASHING SOUND]
- OK, Tommy,
L'il Turk. He trained MMA.
He's been boxing less than a year.
Yeah, he's a baby.
Cassius could flatten him, couldn't you?
Let me see them hands.
- Make a fist. Yes.
- He hasn't lost yet.
Look, has he even had a pro fight?
This is his attempt to go pro.
But he is good, and he is motivated.
Look at his stats.
- Schtats?
- Stats!
Stats? Pamela loves stats, don't you?
- She does.
- Here, let me see that.
Ah! Ha ha ha!
You fell for it! She fell for it.
- I miss how gullible...
- [PAMELA LAUGHING]
... you are. I do.
Listen. I don't want to talk
about none of that stuff now, OK?
Hey.
I don't know.
I just wanna stay here.
We could have some kind
of little family night,
watch a movie.
Hmm? You too?
We don't have time.
Well, what do you gotta do?
Where do you gotta be?
Tommy, your mother is
getting married today.
What are you talking about?
She's marrying Devereaux today.
She texted us.
♪ ♪
My mother's getting married?
- To Devereaux?
- Yeah.
So like when? Now? Today? What?
Nobody thought to invite me?!
[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
Interesting choice of vehicle.
Well, my car is out of
commission at the moment.
Are they having their
wedding at a fish plant?
Mom thinks it's "meaningful."
[DOING RETCHING NOISE]
Her dad used to work here.
Shit, we all worked here.
Plus Devereaux owns it, and he's cheap.
Alright. Shall we?
- Whatever.
- Alright.
- [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- [INSECTS BUZZING]
Here he is. Remember my son Chesley?
- Hey. How you doing, man?
- Hey. Hi, Dad.
- That's her... that's her dad.
- That's my dad, yeah.
Alright. How are you
doing there, Mr. Ross?
Feeling a pain in my heart right now.
Do you have any alcohol?
- Where's Lowly Jr?
- How should I know?
Shall we move on? This
one's a slippery fish.
As we trawl the ocean floor of life,
clawing with our hungry buckets,
grappling with the
mysteries of the deep,
"and some junk from
time to time, like a...
"like a... boat or a... "
tire. But no,
that's... that's...
that's... stretched out.
No, no. Hold on, hold on.
Just trying to... I'm having a hard time
- reading my own handwriting.
- [CLANGING]
[LOWLY SR]: Glory be to the hand of God!
Sorry, Mom.
I had me a nice suit
on and everything...
Ah, it's enough that you're here!
Couldn't have got married today
without my best man, huh?
- Hahaha!
- Oh, "my best man."
Yeah.
That's what you used to call
him. Hey, remember that?
"Here comes my best little man.
And Tommy Trouble."
- [LOWLY SR]: Hi, Tommy.
- [TOMMY]: You couldn't think
to tell me that my mother
was getting married today?
- I could not utter the words, Tommy.
- Ginny?
I didn't think she'd get this far.
- Even Smallwood is here.
- Well, I didn't invite him.
You didn't invite me either, did you?
[DEVEREAUX]: No, but you're
here now, aren't you?
What are you doing?
You're marrying Devereaux.
Talk about shaming the family.
This is why I didn't invite you.
You always make a scene!
Oh, what? That's not a scene?
- Ha!
- Yeah? Well, at least
he's not making it
about him, like you do
every single time.
Do not ruin Mom's special day.
She got a point there, Tommy.
I was the one who wanted
to ruin this wedding, not you!
Who cares if it's ruined?
It's ruined and it's ruined,
so let's be done with it and go home.
I don't have a home!
♪ ♪
And every single one of you made me feel
that I didn't belong in your life!
So now, please,
hold your peace.
Today, I have finally landed the most
beautiful fish that ever appeared
in any Devereaux net ever.
I do. Just give me the ring!
Yes, the ring. Yes, I've got it on me.
OK...
Uh, I'm just gonna have to, uh...
You know...
I learned years ago, many years ago,
sitting around waiting for true
happiness was a waste of time
because true happiness is for
the naive and the stupid.
Life
is just degrees of misery.
So, if it's all a struggle,
then why not struggle
from inside a castle?
♪ ♪
Oh, yeah, well, spare me
the struggle of trying to get
your house back from the bank,
which is what I have
been in the middle of.
Turns out this shameful
little fight I got coming up,
it's pretty lucrative.
- There it is!
- Mom, don't do it.
Please, God, don't let her do it.
Mom, maybe you don't want to do this.
Do it. Go on, do it.
♪ ♪
- [GINNY]: Ugh!
- [LOWLY JR]: Ugh!
- Yeah!
- I pronounce you man and wife.
♪ I went to my old neighbourhood ♪
♪ Nothing was there ♪
You're ripe for a family seminar.
♪ The house where I lived was gone ♪
♪ The streets were all bare ♪
Does anyone have a pair of pants?
Size 36?
♪ Here where I spent ♪
- ♪ All of my childhood ♪
- 38?
♪ Nooo ♪
- A set of pliers?
- ♪ Ah, nothing but bricks ♪
♪ Broken bottles and sticks everywhere ♪
♪ Hmmm, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Now as I walk down the street ♪
♪ There's nothing to see ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ The candy store's gone ♪
♪ No one waving to me ♪
♪ Whoa oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ A memory of our old love ♪
♪ I hoped to find there ♪