Little Dog (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Round Six - full transcript

Previously on Little Dog...

- So, Tommy was bonding with Dad in jail.
- Oh!

- Training, pep talks.
- Tasting your spunk now!

- But it's Mom to the rescue, as usual.
- Me.

And me too, since it was my line
of credit that bailed him out.

He needs to be supervised by
a family member at all times.

- Rico Havoc's reputation suffers a blow.
- PERVERT!

Tommy invites the good Dr. Vaani
to our family's Regatta Day dinner.

All hell broke loose when
Tommy tried to tell me

that the granny pickle was really...

- It's a fuckin' onion.
- Mom!



Can't expect the family
to go out in public

without making a holy
show of themselves.

Are you all right? Here, look.

Have a go.

I'm always scared...

of choking to death
alone. What a living hell!

- A living hell!
- Well, sure you're not alone, Renee.

Well, I am, since old Brandy passed.

- We can get you a new little doggy.
- Oh, no.

Pissing and shitting everywhere.

Plus, I'm not gonna be around long
enough to enjoy it, God willing.

Quit saying that.

- You can't leave me. You're all I got.
- Huh!

Here.



Give me.

I says a novena for you
every night, you know.

- Yeah, yeah.
- That you'll find someone

- who'll look after you.
- That's nice.

- Thank you, Rens.
- I'm sure nobody will.

And then I pray

that you'll have enough
money to put yourself up

in a better place than this shithole.

You know, if you loved me so much,

you would have put me in
that nice, fancy rest home

for my dying days.

- You said you didn't want to go.
- Well, of course I said that!

It's expensive.

- I'm not a burden to my family.
- No.

- Here.
- If I had my time back,

I'd have spent all my
energy looking after myself,

and I'd tell the rest
of you to fuck off.

Yeah.

- That must be where I get that from.
- Oh...

Here. Here. Give it to me.

- Oh, hurry on now!
- Chin! Chin!

- I want to get down to the bingo early.
- Come on.

That old Gander Bay whore, Nancy,

steals all the good bingo blotters.

Yeah, she's a whore, that Nancy.

What is she, 97?

I don't know if everybody's been
following Tommy Ross's social feeds,

but he's come far in only four weeks,

and the welterweight
weigh-in is tonight.

Tell us what you think, caller.

You've received a collect call
from: Loyola Ross Senior. Say yes.

- Tommy? Where you going?
- Uh, can we?

All right! Yes. We've got
Tommy Ross' dad on the line.

What do you have to say, sir?

I'd say that Rico Havoc should
take as many pictures of his face

as he can before the fight.

His reconstructive
surgeon's gonna need 'em.

But Mr. Ross, you must remember
what happened 5 years ago?

Some might say you've had time to
reflect on that and little else.

At my parole hearing today,

I'll be detailing how important it is

that I be ringside to coach Tommy

into a Rico-creaming fight.

Hey!

I just heard your old man on the radio.

- He's gettin' out soon.
- Just in time

to take all the credit
for Tommy's progress,

never mind that I'm the
one sitting here with him,

- day in, day out.
- Yeah.

You could say it'll
be all Tommy and Daddy.

- Daddy and Tommy.
- Certainly no glory for me here.

- Tucker, we should get Mom singing.
- Singing what?

The ode. You ever hear her sing the ode?

Mom, you don't wanna go
singing at no boxing show.

Look, I'll plan something for
your sometime at a later date,

You know, something real nice.

I could probably pull a
couple of strings, you know.

- Get something for the event.
- Are you serious?

Yeah, she'd be great.

Oh! I am so happy!

Dad get out of jail, call him
to the arena, hear you singin',

see me fightin'? He'd be in heaven!

Heaven!

- Arsehole.
- Stop it, Lowly!

Let your brother do something
nice for me for a minute.

Oh, yeah. Woo!

Lowly Senior's out of the can.

Tommy Ross, together with
his old trainer again.

Sylvia who?

- We own our own assholes.
- That's right, Jean.

Stay angry. I need you to stay angry.

What do we do

when people expect us to
do stuff we don't wanna do?

- We own our own assholes!
- Yes! Oh!

I think you guys are finally assholes!

- And so are you!
- Woo! All right! Well done!

Well done. Wonderful,
wonderful work today.

Ah. God, I'm good at this shit.

So this is how you've been
spending our money, huh?

Um...

I just...

I think it's helping me.
I think it's worth it.

Rico, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Are you just gonna let
her talk to you like that?

Ahem.

Pamela, it's my money and it's none
of your business how I spend it.

I think it is my business.

- I manage our money, remember?
- The money that you earned!

- Money I earned!
- Ha! Who does she think she is?

She thinks she's better than
everyone: better than you,

- better than Rico. Better than me.
- Yeah.

Yeah, you think you're better than
everyone, like me, Rico, and her.

And you tell her that you
can't for the life of you

figure out why she thinks
she can just show up

- back in town like nothing ever happened.
- Yeah!

- You can't for the life of you figure out...
- And be welcomed

with open arms.

'Cause it's not just
Tommy she screwed over.

It was also her so-called best friend.

Yeah!

- You screwed Tommy and your best friend!
- To get to be with you, Rico.

Yeah! To be with you!

- I mean, seriously, what were you thinking?
- I don't know.

What's happening, guys?

I just... jumped off a sinking ship
onto the first raft I could find.

I'm confused. We're losing our focus.

- Where is our anger?
- This isn't about you anymore.

Oh, my God.

Sylvia Ross. God.

You look just radiant.

So, are you here to tell
me that I can't come home?

Or are you here to tell me that I can?

If you think you can just walk back in

- like nothing's changed...
- I'm changed, though.

I promise you, I am gonna
be a better man from now on.

Ha ha! If I had a nickel for
every time you said that...

I am a better man!

I would have a boatload
full of useless nickels

that I'd have to get someone
else to haul away anyway,

- so thank God I don't.
- Or you could roll 'em,

bring 'em down to the bank.

- 25 nickels, you got yourself a dollar!
- 20.

A little coming home present for you.

Read Revelations.

Have you checked the odds?

Tommy's favoured to win.

That's ridiculous.

A bullshit arrest and a smear
campaign on the opposition,

all of a sudden a
pack-a-day drunkard can win?

Are people stupid or what?

Spam. Take a powder.

I gotta spend a little bit
of time with my compadre.

So... Tommy,

- how's she going? Huh?
- Good.

Yeah. The tide is
really starting to turn.

- I think so.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You know, in the old days, Tommy,

people used to grind up lobster

and use it as fertilizer
on their garden?

They were called the
cockroaches of the sea.

If you got one in your
net, you just ground it up

and put it in the compost heap.

Now, people spend $20 per pound
to eat fertilizer for dinner.

You see? Heh.

It was just a...

a genius bit of
re-branding, kind of like...

- Well, kind of like you.
- So I was a cockroach,

- and now I'm a lobster.
- Yeah.

My lobster.

- All right.
- But we can't forget

that lobster is still fertilizer

and does, at its best,

it helps other things to grow.

Yeah.

See, everybody's bettin' on you to win,

but if I put my money on
Rico and you don't win,

then...

I get a big haul.

Get me?

Yeah, I'm f... I'm fertilizer.

Yeah, and if you don't wanna end up
scattered all over my potato garden,

you will go down in the 5th.

Oh! Hi, Mrs. Ross.

Hi, guys. Have you seen Tommy?

I'm actually waiting to speak with him.

- Do you know if he'll be here soon?
- Oh, I'm sure he's in there already.

Oh. Thanks.

He needs to stay focused on his goals.

He has no time for
women. You know the story.

My ex Milo has agreed
to drop the charges

- if Tommy'll just apologize.
- Milo's a dog's name.

I can't see Tommy apologizing
to a man named after a dog.

No charges also means
no more bail conditions.

No more surety. You'd be off the hook.

No one's happier than I am about that.

I'll pass on the message.

Thank you.

We'll keep this to
ourselves for now, all right?

Tommy's making great progress

- because I have him on a short leash.
- OK.

Oh! There you are. Come on!

All right! First up to the scales,

our hometown boy,

Tommy "Little Dog" Ross!

Come on, man!

Now, please welcome

Rico "Havoc" Saint George!

♪ The fam migrated to the North ♪

♪ I'm 'a put you on what it's about ♪

♪ The regular routes and shanty towns ♪

Woo!

Psst! Who are you?

Oh... Rico'd remember better

if you turn around, and
you're scurrying away.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who's the
big man? You the big man?

You the big man now? Huh?

First up to the scales,
our Eastern beast.

Tommy Ross, 142 pounds.

Next up to the scale is
Rico "Havoc" Saint George!

Rico Saint George, 148 pounds.

That's one pound over.

If you're not down to
147 pounds in 45 minutes,

your insurance contract's
cut and so is this fight.

OK, folks. We've got a situation here.

Rico needs to lose 1 pound in 45 minutes

- or this fight is history!
- Go puke!

Fatso!

Tss! Tss!

Tss! Tss! Tss! Tss!

Mm!

That's juicy, man. It's salty.

- What the hell?
- Sorry, did you want some?

I got plenty.

More than enough to go around!

Enough of this. Enough of this.

You know you don't want this.

I know this is what you want.

This is your way out, man!

Here...

- have some wiener.
- Get off! Come on!

OK, you know what? Eat it! Ah! Eat it!

OK! OK.

I got food issues.

Hey man, I got food issues.

Oh, yeah.

I put the work in, put the work in,

and then I blow it all out
for a double cheeseburger.

- With bacon?
- Bacon.

Is that what you want?

That's what you want! That's
what you want! TAKE IT!

10 minute warning.

If he doesn't lose that weight,

- we lose our shirt, right?
- Yeah.

He'll lose that weight.
Them fighters, they got...

they got tricks. Uh-huh.

Speaking of us...

ahem, losing our shirts.

I was thinking about letting
you in on a little action,

because we've always
been close, haven't we?

Well... friends, yeah.

Sometimes, a little bit...

closer than... you know, friends.

Yeah, uh, family even.

Yeah.

I was gonna let you in
on a little tip, but uh...

never mind now.

Is it that Tommy's throwing the fight?

- How do you know?
- How else would you make money?

Don't worry. No one else will know.

Yeah.

They better not.

This fight is never gonna happen.

There's no way that
Rico can louse a pound

in half an hour.

Well, Mom'll be livid.

- I thought she didn't want him to fight.
- Are you kidding?

She's dying to soak
up Tommy's spotlight.

He could have those charges dropped too

if he'd only apologize, but
we're not allowed to tell him that

'cause Mom has him on
a leash and that way,

she'll get to be the
centre of attention.

- I miss your mother.
- Yeah, huh?

Aww.

Did Rico name his
wiener after Mohammed Ali

and you got a tattoo to celebrate it?

It's just...

It's an ancient Roman name. I like it.

- Jesus!
- Mom, finish up your joint and come on.

- We're gonna be late.
- OK.

Rico to the scales, please.

146.9.

All right, folks!

Looks like this fight is
on tomorrow at the arena.

We'll see you all there.

Wow. 1.1 pounds, Rico.

- How'd you do it?
- By lifting up my leg

and pissing all over the little dog.

Can I get another, please?

I think you've had enough, Tommy.

- I'm drinking water, man.
- I know, for several hours now.

And you're not tipping either.

♪ Time was the tell-tale friend of ♪

♪ All of our fate ♪

What do you want?

- ♪ Time was I'd look in the mirror ♪
- Can you just...

Can you look at me for a second?

♪ See your face ♪

Ahem.

There's, um...

There's a lot of stuff you don't know

- about the last five years...
- Listen.

Listen. I don't wanna hear

about how hard it's been
for Pamela with that guy. OK?

Spare me.

OK.

We can talk about you.

Why did you walk out of that fight?

You wanted to blow it all up?

You could have won,

and your life could've been different.

I think

- that scared you.
- No, not really.

I made a mistake...

the way I left...

leaving at all.

Let's go somewhere...

after the fight.

Take me to Soldier's
Pond like old times.

Yeah.

- Well, if by "old times" you mean...
- I mean old times, Tommy.

All of it.

What about I don't win the fight?

Honestly?

It'd be easier for me
to leave Rico if he wins.

The only reason he
wants to do this fight

is because he knows a
part of me never left you.

That's not true.

Listen...

I'll gladly take you to
Soldier's Pond. You know that,

but uh...

either Mom or this moppet
will have to tag along.

I got the bond on me.

Yeah.

Just...

apologize to the guy.

He'll drop the charges.

Your mom didn't want you to know.

Man...

She'll find some way to muck
with the old man's parole next.

- Mm-hmm.
- Just watch.

Yeah.

♪ I don't deem worthy ♪

♪ Of half that stock ♪

♪ Baby, you've changed ♪

Oh!

Got a hot date or something?

I was about to meditate on
my last night in captivity.

What are you doing?

What the? What are you doing?! What?!

Oh! What?!

I got a little call about you.

Someone phoned in and snitched
that you were hoarding contraband.

Gee!

Bad contraband too.

Oh!

Tomorrow's your big day.

I thought you'd be home counting sheep.

I figure why be at my best

if I'm just gonna lie down and
take a nap in the middle of it all?

So you are gonna throw the fight?

Ah ha! Not like you had
a choice in the matter.

Aw, come on, Tommy!

This doesn't have to be it.

I mean, look at how
far we've come already!

I mean, you are back in the
game. That in itself is a victory.

So we can get another
fight easy once the...

once the dust settles on this one. Ha!

We... are on our way up the ladder,

and I can guarantee you

that you are gonna land on your feet

after you land on your back
in the middle of the 5th.

Ha ha! Cheers.

Ah! Heh heh.