Lip Sync Battle (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Mike Tyson vs. Terry Crews - full transcript

Mike Tyson takes on Terry Crews.

[T. Rex's "20th Century Boy" playing]

♪ Friends say it's fine,
friends say it's good ♪

♪ everybody says it's
just like rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ ohhhhhhh ♪

♪ well, it's plain to see
you were meant for me, yeah ♪

♪ and I'm your boy,
your 20th century toy ♪

[Feedback]

[Cheers and applause]

Teigen: Your host is
something like a phenomenon...

the one, the only LL Cool J.

Yeah!



What up?!

Welcome to the hottest show on TV...

"Lip Sync Battle"!

Now, the Internet is on fire

with celebrity lip-syncing
videos, and tonight, we've got

the most anticipated heavyweight
lip-sync fight of all time.

[Cheers and applause]

And ringside with me, as always...

please give it up for
our colorful commentator,

- [cheers and applause]
- Chrissy Teigen.

[Rap music plays]

♪ Stare ♪

♪ stare ♪

♪ stare ♪



♪ all they do is stare ♪

She'll be throwing down her
totally uncut reactions tonight.

Go, Chrissy. Go, Chrissy.

You guys ready for this?

Teigen: Holy smokes.

I got to say... I have already booked

my face tattoo down the street.

That's how excited I am tonight.

- [Laughter]
- I'm so excited.

Well, you know how it works.

Two stars, two rounds.

Neither star knows their opponent's

song choices ahead of time.

Round one is about pure lip-sync skills.

Round two, they take it up a notch...

dancers, tricks, surprises...
anything to dominate.

Our audience picks the winner, all right?

[Cheers and applause]

You decide who gets to take home
the Lip Sync championship belt.

Let's get ready to battle!

[Cheers and applause]

He's the man, the myth, the legend,

the baddest man on the
planet... "Iron" Mike Tyson!

[Cheers and applause]

And his opponent, a heavy
hitter from "Brooklyn Nine-Nine,"

"Nridesmaids," and the
National Football League.

He claims to be the best
dancer in the world...

Terry Crews!

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughs]

Yeah!

What's up in here?

What?!

I ain't scared of you!

[Laughs]

Aaah!!

You guys ready to get this started?

[Cheers and applause]

All right, so, look, I'm a huge boxing fan.

Everybody knows that.

"Mama said knock you out," all that stuff.

So, Terry, just have a seat.

Relax one second... just for a second, now.

Don't... don't hit him,
Terry. Don't hit him.

Have a seat. Iron Mike, come on over.

[Cheers and applause]

So, Big Mike, it's on and popping, baby.

What song are you rocking for us?

"Satisfaction," baby. I
need that "satisfaction."

[Cheers and applause]

Tricky Micky Jagger.

[Laughs]

Ladies and gentlemen,
channeling Jagger with

"(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"
by The Rolling Stones,

here's Iron Mick... I mean, Mike Tyson!

- Oh!
- ♪ I can't get no ♪

♪ satisfaction ♪

♪ I can't get no ♪

♪ satisfaction ♪

♪ 'cause I try ♪

♪ and I try ♪

♪ and I try ♪

♪ and I try ♪

♪ I can't get no ♪

♪ I can't get no ♪

♪ when I'm drivin' in my car ♪

♪ and the man comes on the radio ♪

♪ he's tellin' me more and more ♪

♪ about some useless information ♪

♪ supposed to fire my imagination ♪

♪ I can't get no ♪

♪ a-no, no, no ♪

♪ hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ that's what I say ♪

♪ I can't get no ♪

♪ satisfaction ♪

Come on, he's killing it!

♪ I can't get no ♪

♪ satisfaction ♪

♪ 'cause I try ♪

♪ and I try ♪

♪ and I try ♪

♪ and I try ♪

♪ I can't get no ♪

♪ a-no, no, no ♪

♪ hey, hey, hey ♪

[Cheers and applause]

Yo!

[Laughing] Yo!

Wait a minute.

You're gonna have to give me a
second to catch my breath.

Terry, what'd you think?

I mean, what? Did you like his moves?

You know what? You know what?

First of all, no, I got to give it up.

Mike did his thing. I ain't gonna lie!

- [Cheers and applause]
- Yo!

It's gonna be hard to top
that. It's gonna be hard.

But you know what?

I'm a man that's up to the challenge,

you know what I'm saying?

Well, in that case, Mike,
head on over to the V.I.P...

I thought my pants was tight.

You thought your pants was tight!

[Laughs]

You head to the V.I.P...
Terry, come on over here.

Mike thinks you got tight pants on.

I'mma leave that a long pause.

[Laughs]

All right, so, Terry... Terry,
what song did you choose?

Yo, I went old-school.

I went back to the days
when I was 12 years old,

sitting in my room, with
no girlfriends, lonely...

- [Laughter]
- ... Dejected.

That was a long time ago?

[Voice breaking] And I was angry
'cause I couldn't get no dates!

This song made me a man!

- [Cheers and applause]
- This song made me a man!

And what song are you talking...
which song made you a man?

I'm going "Sucker M.C.'s" with Run-D.M.C.!

Ladies and gentlemen, here is Terry Crews!

[Rapping] ♪ two years
ago, a friend of mine ♪

♪ asked me to say some M.C. rhymes ♪

♪ so I said this rhyme I'm about to say ♪

♪ the rhyme was def,
a-then it went this way ♪

♪ took a test to become an M.C. ♪

♪ And Orange Krush
became amazed at me ♪

♪ so Larry put me inside his Cadillac ♪

♪ the chauffeur drove off,
and we never came back ♪

♪ Dave cut the record down to the bone ♪

♪ and now they got me
rockin' on the microphone ♪

♪ and then we talkin'
autograph and cheers and laugh ♪

♪ champagne, caviar, and bubble bath ♪

♪ but, see-a, a-that's
the life a-that I lead ♪

♪ and you sucker M.C.'s is who I please ♪

♪ so take that and move
back, catch a heart attack ♪

♪ because there's nothin' in
the world that run'll ever lack ♪

♪ I cold chill at a party in a b-boy stance ♪

♪ and rock on the mike and
make the girls wanna dance ♪

♪ fly like a dove that
come from up above ♪

♪ I'm rockin' on the mike,
and you can call me run-love ♪

♪ I'm D.M.C. in the place to be ♪

♪ I go to St. John's University ♪

♪ and since kindergarten,
I acquired the knowledge ♪

♪ and after 12th grade, I
went straight to college ♪

♪ I'm light-skinned, I live in Queens ♪

♪ and I love eatin'
chicken and collard greens ♪

♪ I dress to kill, I love the style ♪

♪ I'm an M.C. you know who's versatile ♪

♪ see, I got good credit in your regards ♪

♪ got my name, not numbers,
on my credit cards ♪

♪ I go uptown, I come back home ♪

♪ with who? Me, myself,
and my microphone ♪

♪ you gotta let 'em
know you'll never stop ♪

♪ the rhymes have to
make a lot of sense ♪

♪ you got to know where to
start when the beats commence ♪

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughing]

[Cheers and applause intensify]

Oh, my god.

Let me tell you something.

I just felt the power,
the energy... the love!

I mean, what can you say?

That is one of the best beats

ever made in hip-hop, straight up!

It really is.

It made my nipples... my
nipples just got happy!

Same.

Yeah. Yeah.

I want to not be involved
with that, though.

- Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, go and have a seat over at the V.I.P.,

you and your nipples and all that.

[Chuckles] What?!

You and your nipples have a seat.

Chill out.

Oh, man, not the nipples.

We have them!

- Easy, easy.
- We have nipples!

- Teigen: Nipples.
- Men have nipples!

[LL Cool J laughing]

He's got nipples!

No, I don't. No, I don't.

No I don't. I do not possess nipples.

Mike has no nipples!

I do not possess nipples.

- Hey, yo, Terry.
- Mike has no nipples.

He don't have nipples, B.

Let's leave it at that, all right?

He said he don't have nipples, Terry.

- I'll leave that alone.
- [Laughter]

- LL Cool J: All right!
- [Laughing]

- [Run-D.M.C.'S "Sucker M.C.'s" playing]
- Round one is over.

When we come back, it gets bigger...

Round two!

... and badder in round two!

The lip sync championship
belt is up for grabs!

Keep in sync!

♪ Sucker M.C.'s is who I please ♪

♪ so take that and move
back, catch a heart attack ♪

♪ I can't get no ♪

♪ satisfaction ♪

We back on the Tyson versus
Crews lip-sync battle.

It's time for round two,

where our stars pull out all the stops...

costumes, dancers...
anything to get the K.O.

So let's see how Terry Crews prepared

for his round-two attack.

[Laughter]

Crews: I never ever compete.

I just create.

Are you here to win?

- All: Yes!
- Thank you. Let's go.

First thing I want you to know...

I am the world's best dancer.

That's what I am.

It's my superpower.

[Laughter]

Any softness on the pop...

- Okay.
- It's the easiest way to get gone.

Aww, look at you!

You're just ready to learn.

We gonna wear a jacket onstage?

Thank you.

Crews: You can't get
angry, you can't get upset.

No!

I learn how to roll with everything.

To the side.

This way.

You're not doing it. Next!

This is not a game.

People haven't survived against Mike Tyson.

Now we go into octopus.

Our job is to blow this thing up.

- I think the tutu is overkill.
- Okay.

Make sure it hits at the waist.

- How's that feel?
- All: Good.

All right, you guys are hanging.

We're gonna win.

Performance.

Watch this.

[Vanessa Carlton's "A
Thousand Miles" playing]

♪ Makin' my way
downtown, walking fast ♪

♪ faces pass, and I'm homebound ♪

♪ starin' blankly ahead,
just making my way ♪

♪ making a way through the cro-o-wd ♪

♪ and I need you ♪

♪ and I miss you ♪

♪ and now I wonder ♪

♪ if I could fall ♪

♪ into the sky ♪

♪ do you think time ♪

♪ would pass us by ♪

♪ 'cause you know I'd
walk a thousand miles ♪

♪ if I could just see you ♪

♪ oh, oh ♪

♪ if I could fall ♪

♪ into the sky ♪

♪ do you think time ♪

♪ would pass me by ♪

♪ 'cause you know I'd
walk a thousand miles ♪

♪ if I could just see you ♪

♪ if I could just hold you ♪

♪ Toni-i-i-ght ♪

[Song ends, cheers and applause]

- [Laughing] Yo, Terry.
- Yes, sir.

- Oh, yeah.
- [Laughs]

I love you!

[Laughing]

Oh, my god! I love you!

So, Terry, you're... [Laughs]

You're a gentle giant, right?

Yes.

Now, how did you channel your softer side?

Uh... my wife and four daughters.

Because you learn, at home,
you just got to shut up

and listen, and you got to be sensitive,

and sometimes, you got to get in touch

with your feminine side!

- [Cheers and applause]
- It's a wonderful thing!

On that note, Terry, go on
and have a seat next to Mike.

Have a seat. Have a seat.

- [Laughing]
- Awesome, bud.

LL Cool J: Relax.

This is my kind of show tonight.

[Laughing]

Oh, Chrissy.

LL was just ribbon-dancing.

- Chrissy...
- This is awesome.

... what just happened?

I thought, when the lights came down,

he was giving me John
Legend with the piano thing.

I got a little excited.

Oh, he was giving you John
Legend, but he wasn't...

It was a different John Legend.

He was giving me John, and
then he took his shirt off,

and I was like, "aww."

Kind of... it's still kind of the same,

but you got a few more muscles.

You got to... I love him,
but he's not Terry.

Look at Terry!

[Cheers and applause]

[Vanessa Carlton's "A
Thousand Miles" playing]

Terry Crews just made his way downtown,

but Mike Tyson has one last chance

to prove why he's the champ.

It's fight night on "Lip Sync Battle."

♪ And I still need you ♪

♪ Everybody says it's
just like rock 'n' roll ♪

Welcome back to "Lip Sync Battle."

We're in the heat of round
two, Crews versus Tyson.

Our stars are tricking out their
songs to create showstoppers.

It's like a milli vanilli
"Thrilla in Manila."

Let's see how Tyson geared up
for his last shot at the title.

LL Cool J: You a champ.

Born champ, baby. Born to win.

Born to do it. Born to get it on.

One, two, three, four.

Tyson: Details have a lot to do with it,

but spirit is everything.

[Inhales, exhales sharply]

You make an entrance like, you know,

"coming out to war" kind of thing.

When a great warrior dies,

they put gold and silver on his eyes

and send him on his way to the other land.

It's not about competition.

Terry's really gonna get humiliated.

What makes you successful
is other people's success.

I'm looking forward to it.

[Growls]

♪ I can't get no ♪

It pretty much grasps the whole
idio-syntheses of who I am.

Terry, this is where it's
at, right here, brother.

This is what you have to deal with...

intergalactic Eddie Munster.

I'm beautiful, baby.

The gold and glitter guy.

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughs]

♪ Ahh, push it ♪

Get up, y'all!

Oww, baby!

[Rapping] ♪ S-s-s-s-s-salt
and Pepa's here ♪

♪ and we're in effect ♪

♪ want you to push it, babe ♪

♪ coolin' by day, then at night ♪

♪ working up a sweat ♪

♪ come on, girls, let's go ♪

♪ show the guys that we know ♪

♪ how to become number-one ♪

♪ in a hot, party show ♪

♪ now push it ♪

♪ ahh, push it ♪

♪ push it good ♪

♪ ahh, push it ♪

♪ push it real good ♪

♪ ahh, push it ♪

♪ push it good ♪

♪ ahh, push it ♪

♪ p-push it real good ♪

♪ yo, baby-pop, yeah, you,
come here, gimme a kiss ♪

♪ better make it fast, or
else I'm gonna get pissed ♪

♪ can't you hear the
music's pumpin' hard ♪

♪ like I wish you would? ♪

♪ Now, push it ♪

♪ push it good ♪

♪ push it real good ♪

♪ push it good ♪

♪ p-push it real good ♪

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughing] Yo!

Yo, Mike, come on over here.

Mike, first of all, let
me just hit you with "wow."

You feel like you made
Salt-N-Pepa proud just then?

I don't know. I feel sexy.

[Cheers and applause]

Look at his pants. These are awesome.

[Laughs]

Please don't feel too sexy right now.

Whoo!

[Laughing]

So, Terry, how do you
feel right now? You feel...

You know, I feel like
Mike was getting ready

in the back room with them pants,

talking about, "push
it... push it real good."

It was very difficult, very difficult.

[Laughter]

Push it real good!

It was almost...

- [Teigen groans]
- Oh, my gosh.

Hey, those are extra-medium, Mike!

That was small. That was small.

LL Cool J: Hey, hey, hey, yo, baby-pop!

I'm scared to pass flatulence, okay?

[Laughing]

If I pass gas, man,
there'll be an explosion.

[Laughter]

I didn't say that. I'm
only trippin', baby, okay?

- Mike...
- Teigen: I got the same pants.

What you say, Chrissy?

[Laughing] I got the same pants.

[Laughter]

They unbelievable.

You feeling them joints
pop, I'll tell you that much.

Oh! Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Push it real good.

Mike, head on over there,
and join Terry in the V.I.P.

All right, round two is in the books.

[Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It" playing]

Thank god.

Both of these titans brought the heat.

When we come back, a new
champion will be crowned.

The moment of truth is
next on "Lip Sync Battle."

[Rapping] ♪ S-s-s-s-s-salt
and Pepa's here ♪

♪ and we're in effect ♪

♪ want you to push it, babe ♪

♪ Everybody says it's
just like rock 'n' roll ♪

Welcome back to "Lip Sync Battle."

You're never gonna see a
show like this anywhere.

Iron Mike Tyson versus
Terry Crews "Missile."

Now... it is time... to decide...

Which heavyweight takes the belt.

Chrissy, let's do this.

Ready?

Is the champ Mike Tyson?

[Cheers and applause]

Or is it Terry Crews?

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughing]

[Crowd chanting "Terry"]

The undisputed "Lip Sync
Battle" champion is Terry Crews.

Oh, thank you!

Props to Mike Tyson,

props to Terry Crews
for a legendary battle.

And thank you to the millions
of fans at home cheering them on.

From LL Cool J

and young, beautiful
Chrissy Teigen, good night!

And remember... knock 'em out the box, L.

Knock 'em out, L.

♪ Makin' my way
downtown, walking fast ♪

♪ faces pass, and I'm homebound ♪

♪ starin' blankly ahead,
just making my way ♪

♪ making a way through the cro-o-wd ♪

♪ and I need you ♪

♪ and I miss you ♪

♪ and now I wonder ♪