Life with Lucy (1986): Season 1, Episode 6 - Lucy Makes Curtis Byte the Dust - full transcript
(theme music playing)
♪ Every day I'm better
than I ever was before ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more ♪
♪ Every day holds keys
to possibilities galore ♪
♪ Every day is better than before ♪
♪ How you feel depends on who you are ♪
♪ Who you are depends on what you do ♪
♪ What you do is mostly up to you ♪
♪ It's true ♪
I You can make a better you I
♪ Every day is a new world
that I'm eager to explore ♪
♪ Every day opportunity
knocks at my door ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more and more ♪
♪ And every day is better than ♪
♪ Keep on saying, "Yes, I can" ♪
♪ And every day is better than before ♪
I must remember to fix that.
(humming)
Curtis.
Well, good.
You found some more seed packages. Good.
How much longer
are we going to do inventory?
We've been counting seeds for hours.
So?
One butternut squash.
One butternut squash.
Six dapper Dan zucchinis.
Six dapper Dan zucchinis.
Three snappy boy radishes.
Three snappy boy radishes.
Oh, Curtis, I can't count anymore.
I close my eyes,
and all I see is vegetables.
My whole head is full of vegetables.
You're telling me?
Mr. McGibbon, we need to order
another lawnmower.
All right, I'll make a note of it,
Leonard.
Why do we have
to take inventory anyway?
So we'll know
what we have on the shelves.
Then we will know what to reorder.
All right.
Have you counted this leaf blower yet?
Uh, no, I'm fixing that for a customer.
It has a bad switch.
Mm.
I'm sorry.
All right, Lucille.
We'll have to count them all over again.
Veggie time.
One butternut squash.
Look at this.
There's water spots all over everything.
I'm sorry, Ted.
We'll just have to move to another town
and change our names.
That's cute. Cute.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi. Hi.
That': two "Hi-S:-
What's going on?
And one "What's going on?"
Lucy is suffering from inventory burnout.
Oh, two tomatoes.
And six pieces of carrots and...
and head of lettuce
and one snappy boy radish.
- What's in here?
- Oh, don't look!
- What is it?
- It's rice.
Oh.
(videogame beeping)
Now your planet's gonna get it.
Die, alien dog!
Okay.
- Dinner'll be ready in ten minutes.
- Oh, good.
Well, did you finally
get the inventory done?
We would have, but we were hit
by hurricane Lucy.
Come on, you two.
Inventory's a dull,
boring job no matter how you do it.
Not to me.
Oh? And what kind of inventory
do you keep, Becky?
Well, I have all my Barbie doll clothes
listed on the computer.
- Watch this.
-(beeping)
246 items.
That includes a string bikini,
designer jeans,
and a shirt with a teeny
little alligator on it.
How does this thing work?
It's easy.
Say Barbie and Ken
are going out for the evening.
And Barbie's wearing
her red taffeta evening gown
with the off-the-shoulder top.
Ted: Hmm.
Barbie isn't exactly
playing hard to get.
To figure out what shoes
go with that outfit,
I punch it up.
(computer beeping)
And there's a list
of 11 pairs of shoes that match.
Well, that's wonderful.
Curtis, do you know what this means?
Yes. If Ken marries Barbie,
he'll have to have two jobs
to keep her in pumps.
No, it means we should use
a computer in the store.
Oh, they cost a fortune.
Well, you could lease it.
We don't need one.
If we don't get a computer,
you're going to have to do inventory
with me, every year,
for the rest of your life.
I wonder if that computer store
is still open.
-(computer beeping)
-360, 61, 62, 63...
363 toggle bolts.
Okay. And the good news is, we finished.
Bye-bye, old-fashioned inventory.
What are you doing with my registers?
Uh, well, we don't need
them anymore, Curtis.
You'll be glad to know
that the entire store
is right in here.
Oh. Now all we need are teensy
weensy little customers
to go in there and buy things.
How is this going to save us time?
You had to enter
the entire inventory into it.
But we never have to do it again.
The computer's hooked up
to the cash register.
Whenever somebody buys something,
it automatically subtracts it
from the inventory.
It can do all that?
Oh, yeah.
You gotta see that baby in action, chief.
- Oh.
- Yeah, look.
A customer comes in, makes a purchase,
-and then beep, beep, beep...
-(computer beeping)
...and it's all done.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Watch the register.
(computer beeps)
(screams)
Lucille, reall-- Aah!
Lucille, would you--
- Wait a minute.
-(computer beeps)
- All right. All right, I got it.
-(Curtis muttering)
-(screams)
- I got it.
I got it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Hey, I just couldn't help that.
Well, good morning, everybody.
Curtis: Oh, hi. Stanley, how are you?
Lucy: Hello, Stanley.
Well, now, what have we here?
M & B Hardware
has entered the computer age.
Oh, smooth move, Curtis.
That's the way to get the jump
on the competition.
Well, you know me.
Always keeping up with the times.
Yeah, he's almost up to 1956.
All right, Stanley,
I'll give you our order.
Then we'll get down
to the real business--
our chess game.
Oh, Curtis,
you are a glutton for punishment.
- Here we are.
- All right now.
- Now...
- What can I do for you?
Well, I need one of those
Chadwick lawnmowers.
- All right.
- No, we don't.
- Uh, it's on its way.
- It is?
Yeah. We ordered it
directly from the warehouse.
You know, on the new computer.
You're ordering by computer, too?
Curtis, I'll lose my commission.
I'm sorry, Stanley,
but computers are more efficient.
They don't mistakes like people do,
you know.
Nothing personal.
I'm not taking it personally.
Why should I take it personally?
I don't have to eat.
Now, Lucille, this is a fine way
to treat someone
I've done business with for 30 years.
No, no, don't blame her, Curtis.
You're not the first store
to computerize.
It's been happening more and more.
Oh, but I hate it, Stanley.
The day of the human being is over.
It's disappearing.
We're on the brink of extinction.
Like the black-footed ferret.
I never thought of myself
exactly like that.
Well, you should.
Gone is gone,
no matter whether you're killed off
by a computer
or a gopher snake.
Oh, Curtis, you've been watching
"Wild Kingdom" too much.
Well, I-- I guess
this is goodbye, Curtis.
Well, I'm going to miss you, Stanley.
You were a good chess partner.
Well, we've been through
a lot together.
From a pot-bellied stove
to the microwave.
Then back to the pot belly.
I'm gonna miss you, Curtis. (sniffles)
Lucy: I'm sorry, Stanley.
I loathe this thing.
Now, look, Curtis,
change is hard on everybody.
Just relax and let Mr. Computer
become your friend.
I don't want to relax.
I'm happy being rigid.
Come on. You really should
get to know him better.
The man at the computer store
wrote down some instructions
on these cards.
And I'm gonna...
put 'em right up here
where you can see 'em.
Now, would you, uh...
We'll use these little
refrigerator magnets.
What do you want?
The tiny broccolis or the little weenies?
The term "weenie"
seems to fit this situation.
Okay.
Now, the first one says,
"Press power switch on."
See?
This is says,
"Wait for your program to appear."
And this is,
"Never place a magnet
within a foot of the computer."
Lucille... Lucille...
why can't you stick a magnet
to the computer?
Well, uh, I don't-- Uh...
Maybe it says on the card.
Maybe it said something I didn't--
Oh, yeah. There's a little-- Yeah.
"Magnets will erase all the data
you have entered."
And just what does that mean?
Well, it means that, uh,
that it would wipe out
all the information in the computer,
but I'm sure they don't mean
weenie magnets.
They-- they mean grownup magnets,
you know.
Wipe out everything?
You have lost our entire inventory?!
No, everything's fine.
I'll print it out and you'll see.
Oh?
See over there.
All right, all right, print out what?
These-- these pages are blank!
- Blank?
- Blank!
Oh, don't tell me. I thought--
There is nothing, nothing,
nothing, nothing!
Oh!
Lucille-- Lucille, give me back
my inventory!
(computer beeps)
What's going on?
The inventory's gone.
I can't believe
three little weenies did all this.
This infernal machine
is ruining my life!
I lost my chess partner.
I've lost my inventory.
Is there any way
I can stick you in there?!
Well, Curtis, look,
I understand you're upset,
but not everything's gone wrong.
L-- I-- I-- I did use the computer
to order a lawnmower.
It'll be delivered tomorrow.
Oh, wonderful.
Yeah. Besides, we-- we can put
the inventory in the computer again.
- Oh?
- Yeah, Leonard,
go get the old inventory sheets
out of the trash.
(shouts)
- It's too late.
- What do you mean it's too late?
Well, I got out back, the truck
was there, and they took it away.
You gave our trash
to the trash man?!
Seemed like the thing to do.
Well, Lucille, I hope you're happy.
Thanks to you, we have to count
everything all over again.
Leonard!
- One toggle bolt.
-(computer beeping)
Two toggle bolts.
Three toggle bolts...
Lucille...
ls it possible they breed?
Leonard!
Oh. Oh... Good morning.
They delivered the lawnmowers.
No kidding.
The rest of them are out back
and in the parking lot.
But I only ordered one.
I tried to stop 'em, but they said
that you ordered 111.
Lucille, could this have anything to do
with our friend Mr. Computer?
No way. No way. No way.
When Mr. Computer asked me
how many lawnmowers I wanted,
I pressed the one button.
- Once.
-(computer beeps three times)
Just like that.
And right here on the screen
it says one...
hundred and eleven.
See, that's what you did.
You pressed the key too long,
and it typed out three ones
instead of one one.
- Oh.
- But they gave us a discount
for ordering so many.
Well, that's good news, isn't it?
(groans)
I didn't think so. No.
That's not good news.
All right, let me see that.
This is obviously a mistake.
I'm sure the company
will take them all back.
I'm afraid not, boss.
It says right here, "All sales final."
That's ridiculous.
$4,192.67?
I'm not going to pay this bill!
- You already did.
- What?!
Yeah, see, chief,
your computer's floppy disk
has an automatic payment module
that wires an immediate cash transfer
when you modem-in the order.
Speak English!
You're stuck for it!
Well, Lucille,
you and this motley bag of microchips
have really screwed up!
(groans)
Now, look, Curtis, I got an idea.
I'll notify the bank and tell them
to stop payment.
Mr. Computer will straighten it all out.
Well, he'd better.
Or his disk is going to be
a lot floppier than it is now!
(bangs counter)
Oh. Oh. Oh...
What is it? What is it?
Whoa! Look, look, look!
Oh, big sale at Neidermayer's.
I know about that.
Not that! Not that!
I'm dead!
You're not just dead.
You're just not a lot of fun.
Will you see for yourself?
I'm in the obituaries.
Oh.
"Curtis McGibbon, Pasadena merchant
beloved and devoted father
and grandfather."
It's a nice write-up, Curtis.
Is that all you have to say?
Well, it's obviously a mistake.
You're standing right here.
I can pinch you.
Some people have no respect
for the departed.
-(doorbell rings)
- Oh.
- Yes?
- Flowers for the McGibbon family.
- Wonder who these are from.
- The Pasadena Chamber of Commerce.
Sorry to hear about old man McGibbon.
I'm old man McGibbon.
Gee. And you look so lifelike.
Well, I am going down to that newspaper,
and when I am through talking,
they will know who's dead
and who is alive!
By George!
Hey, don't you think
you should get dressed first?
I guess so. Yes.
(doorbell rings)
I'll get it.
(man whimpering)
(blows nose)
Oh, Leonard.
I came here the minute
I read about Mr. McGibbon.
- Oh, Leonard--
- He had so much to live for.
- Leonard, listen.
- He was like a father to me.
I'm gonna miss that old goat.
The grouchy way
he used to say good morning.
And the way he used to yell at me.
Remember?
"Leonard!"
Lucy: Yeah.
- Leonard!
- Aah!
It's like I can hear him now!
I feel like I can hear him--
- You idiot!
- Aah!
You're alive? You're alive! He's alive!
You're alive! Oh!
Will you let go of me?
Oh. Oh, I gotta go to Torrance
and tell my mother. Oh.
She's gonna be disappointed, you know.
She was hoping I could have
your blue serge suit.
Alive! He's alive!
Ah. Well, I'm going.
- Curtis?
- Huh?
I have a friend down at the newspaper,
and I'm gonna call her
and straighten this whole thing out.
This is silly.
The nerve of Leonard's mother.
Yeah.
I was planning on being buried
in that blue serge suit.
Oh, hello. Carol?
Lucy.
Yeah, listen, about Curtis...
No, you don't understand.
He's not dead.
I am facing up to reality.
I'm telling you he's still with us.
No, not just in spirit.
He's here in the grumpy flesh.
All right, Carol, where--
where did you get your information?
Well, they'll just have
to straighten it out.
All right. I'll talk to you later.
Well?
Somebody at the bank told them
that you passed away.
Where could they get an idea like that?
Don't look at me.
Only contact I've had with the bank
is by computer.
I told 'em to stop payment
for all those lawnmowers.
I have the printout sheet right here.
Oh?
Yeah, see? "Stop payment order
on check number 2057 payable to CM."
CM?
Yeah, Chadwick Mowers.
See, that's computer talk.
They abbreviate everything.
- You know.
- Oh.
"Reason for cancellation of order,
CM decreased."
Chadwick Mowers decreased.
This doesn't say "decreased."
You typed "deceased."
"CM deceased."
And the bank thought "CM"
stood for Curtis McGibbon.
You're the one
who said I was deceased.
You're the one said I'm dead!
I think I'll eat some breakfast.
Lucille, listen to me.
I don't have to. You're dead.
I want to thank you, Stanley,
for convincing your company
to take back all those lawnmowers.
I didn't wanna get written out
of your will.
You know, it's an eerie feeling
reading your name
in the obituary column.
You know, there were moments
when I began to miss me.
- Hi.
- Oh. Hello, Lucy.
Well, I returned it, Curtis.
M & B Hardware
is no longer computerized.
Oh, thank goodness.
And I straightened it out
with the bank.
You should be alive
by next Wednesday.
And, uh, the newspaper,
are they going to print a retraction?
Oh, better than that.
They're gonna put you
in the birth announcements.
Yeah, a 205-pound bouncing baby boy.
Stanley, I owe you an apology.
I was wrong to think
that we could do business
without people like you.
That's okay, Mrs. Barker.
You sure you're not
gonna miss your computer?
Oh, no, no.
Computers are all wrong for us.
M & B is a small, personal business.
But I did find what this store
really needs.
Wait right there.
Come in, Rupert.
He can carry boxes, stock shelves.
He can even dust.
Hey, wait a minute. That's my job.
- Nothing personal, Leonard.
- Lucy: Nothing personal.
Curtis, meet Rupert.
How do you do, Curtis?
Lucy: Shake hands with him.
Uh-huh. I'm... fine.
Thank you very much.
Lucy, get him out of here.
But, why, Curtis...
Rupert, get out.
Aka!!-
Rupert! Rupert, don't listen to him.
For the last time, get out!
Oh, yeah?
Make me.
oh!
Ah, well now...
Just hold on. I didn't mean any...
(music playing)
(theme music playing)
♪ Every day I'm better
than I ever was before ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more ♪
♪ Every day holds keys
to possibilities galore ♪
♪ Every day is better than before ♪
♪ How you feel depends on who you are ♪
♪ Who you are depends on what you do ♪
♪ What you do is mostly up to you ♪
♪ It's true ♪
I You can make a better you I
♪ Every day is a new world
that I'm eager to explore ♪
♪ Every day opportunity
knocks at my door ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more and more ♪
♪ And every day is better than ♪
♪ Keep on saying, "Yes, I can" ♪
♪ And every day is better than before ♪
I must remember to fix that.
(humming)
Curtis.
Well, good.
You found some more seed packages. Good.
How much longer
are we going to do inventory?
We've been counting seeds for hours.
So?
One butternut squash.
One butternut squash.
Six dapper Dan zucchinis.
Six dapper Dan zucchinis.
Three snappy boy radishes.
Three snappy boy radishes.
Oh, Curtis, I can't count anymore.
I close my eyes,
and all I see is vegetables.
My whole head is full of vegetables.
You're telling me?
Mr. McGibbon, we need to order
another lawnmower.
All right, I'll make a note of it,
Leonard.
Why do we have
to take inventory anyway?
So we'll know
what we have on the shelves.
Then we will know what to reorder.
All right.
Have you counted this leaf blower yet?
Uh, no, I'm fixing that for a customer.
It has a bad switch.
Mm.
I'm sorry.
All right, Lucille.
We'll have to count them all over again.
Veggie time.
One butternut squash.
Look at this.
There's water spots all over everything.
I'm sorry, Ted.
We'll just have to move to another town
and change our names.
That's cute. Cute.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi. Hi.
That': two "Hi-S:-
What's going on?
And one "What's going on?"
Lucy is suffering from inventory burnout.
Oh, two tomatoes.
And six pieces of carrots and...
and head of lettuce
and one snappy boy radish.
- What's in here?
- Oh, don't look!
- What is it?
- It's rice.
Oh.
(videogame beeping)
Now your planet's gonna get it.
Die, alien dog!
Okay.
- Dinner'll be ready in ten minutes.
- Oh, good.
Well, did you finally
get the inventory done?
We would have, but we were hit
by hurricane Lucy.
Come on, you two.
Inventory's a dull,
boring job no matter how you do it.
Not to me.
Oh? And what kind of inventory
do you keep, Becky?
Well, I have all my Barbie doll clothes
listed on the computer.
- Watch this.
-(beeping)
246 items.
That includes a string bikini,
designer jeans,
and a shirt with a teeny
little alligator on it.
How does this thing work?
It's easy.
Say Barbie and Ken
are going out for the evening.
And Barbie's wearing
her red taffeta evening gown
with the off-the-shoulder top.
Ted: Hmm.
Barbie isn't exactly
playing hard to get.
To figure out what shoes
go with that outfit,
I punch it up.
(computer beeping)
And there's a list
of 11 pairs of shoes that match.
Well, that's wonderful.
Curtis, do you know what this means?
Yes. If Ken marries Barbie,
he'll have to have two jobs
to keep her in pumps.
No, it means we should use
a computer in the store.
Oh, they cost a fortune.
Well, you could lease it.
We don't need one.
If we don't get a computer,
you're going to have to do inventory
with me, every year,
for the rest of your life.
I wonder if that computer store
is still open.
-(computer beeping)
-360, 61, 62, 63...
363 toggle bolts.
Okay. And the good news is, we finished.
Bye-bye, old-fashioned inventory.
What are you doing with my registers?
Uh, well, we don't need
them anymore, Curtis.
You'll be glad to know
that the entire store
is right in here.
Oh. Now all we need are teensy
weensy little customers
to go in there and buy things.
How is this going to save us time?
You had to enter
the entire inventory into it.
But we never have to do it again.
The computer's hooked up
to the cash register.
Whenever somebody buys something,
it automatically subtracts it
from the inventory.
It can do all that?
Oh, yeah.
You gotta see that baby in action, chief.
- Oh.
- Yeah, look.
A customer comes in, makes a purchase,
-and then beep, beep, beep...
-(computer beeping)
...and it's all done.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Watch the register.
(computer beeps)
(screams)
Lucille, reall-- Aah!
Lucille, would you--
- Wait a minute.
-(computer beeps)
- All right. All right, I got it.
-(Curtis muttering)
-(screams)
- I got it.
I got it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Hey, I just couldn't help that.
Well, good morning, everybody.
Curtis: Oh, hi. Stanley, how are you?
Lucy: Hello, Stanley.
Well, now, what have we here?
M & B Hardware
has entered the computer age.
Oh, smooth move, Curtis.
That's the way to get the jump
on the competition.
Well, you know me.
Always keeping up with the times.
Yeah, he's almost up to 1956.
All right, Stanley,
I'll give you our order.
Then we'll get down
to the real business--
our chess game.
Oh, Curtis,
you are a glutton for punishment.
- Here we are.
- All right now.
- Now...
- What can I do for you?
Well, I need one of those
Chadwick lawnmowers.
- All right.
- No, we don't.
- Uh, it's on its way.
- It is?
Yeah. We ordered it
directly from the warehouse.
You know, on the new computer.
You're ordering by computer, too?
Curtis, I'll lose my commission.
I'm sorry, Stanley,
but computers are more efficient.
They don't mistakes like people do,
you know.
Nothing personal.
I'm not taking it personally.
Why should I take it personally?
I don't have to eat.
Now, Lucille, this is a fine way
to treat someone
I've done business with for 30 years.
No, no, don't blame her, Curtis.
You're not the first store
to computerize.
It's been happening more and more.
Oh, but I hate it, Stanley.
The day of the human being is over.
It's disappearing.
We're on the brink of extinction.
Like the black-footed ferret.
I never thought of myself
exactly like that.
Well, you should.
Gone is gone,
no matter whether you're killed off
by a computer
or a gopher snake.
Oh, Curtis, you've been watching
"Wild Kingdom" too much.
Well, I-- I guess
this is goodbye, Curtis.
Well, I'm going to miss you, Stanley.
You were a good chess partner.
Well, we've been through
a lot together.
From a pot-bellied stove
to the microwave.
Then back to the pot belly.
I'm gonna miss you, Curtis. (sniffles)
Lucy: I'm sorry, Stanley.
I loathe this thing.
Now, look, Curtis,
change is hard on everybody.
Just relax and let Mr. Computer
become your friend.
I don't want to relax.
I'm happy being rigid.
Come on. You really should
get to know him better.
The man at the computer store
wrote down some instructions
on these cards.
And I'm gonna...
put 'em right up here
where you can see 'em.
Now, would you, uh...
We'll use these little
refrigerator magnets.
What do you want?
The tiny broccolis or the little weenies?
The term "weenie"
seems to fit this situation.
Okay.
Now, the first one says,
"Press power switch on."
See?
This is says,
"Wait for your program to appear."
And this is,
"Never place a magnet
within a foot of the computer."
Lucille... Lucille...
why can't you stick a magnet
to the computer?
Well, uh, I don't-- Uh...
Maybe it says on the card.
Maybe it said something I didn't--
Oh, yeah. There's a little-- Yeah.
"Magnets will erase all the data
you have entered."
And just what does that mean?
Well, it means that, uh,
that it would wipe out
all the information in the computer,
but I'm sure they don't mean
weenie magnets.
They-- they mean grownup magnets,
you know.
Wipe out everything?
You have lost our entire inventory?!
No, everything's fine.
I'll print it out and you'll see.
Oh?
See over there.
All right, all right, print out what?
These-- these pages are blank!
- Blank?
- Blank!
Oh, don't tell me. I thought--
There is nothing, nothing,
nothing, nothing!
Oh!
Lucille-- Lucille, give me back
my inventory!
(computer beeps)
What's going on?
The inventory's gone.
I can't believe
three little weenies did all this.
This infernal machine
is ruining my life!
I lost my chess partner.
I've lost my inventory.
Is there any way
I can stick you in there?!
Well, Curtis, look,
I understand you're upset,
but not everything's gone wrong.
L-- I-- I-- I did use the computer
to order a lawnmower.
It'll be delivered tomorrow.
Oh, wonderful.
Yeah. Besides, we-- we can put
the inventory in the computer again.
- Oh?
- Yeah, Leonard,
go get the old inventory sheets
out of the trash.
(shouts)
- It's too late.
- What do you mean it's too late?
Well, I got out back, the truck
was there, and they took it away.
You gave our trash
to the trash man?!
Seemed like the thing to do.
Well, Lucille, I hope you're happy.
Thanks to you, we have to count
everything all over again.
Leonard!
- One toggle bolt.
-(computer beeping)
Two toggle bolts.
Three toggle bolts...
Lucille...
ls it possible they breed?
Leonard!
Oh. Oh... Good morning.
They delivered the lawnmowers.
No kidding.
The rest of them are out back
and in the parking lot.
But I only ordered one.
I tried to stop 'em, but they said
that you ordered 111.
Lucille, could this have anything to do
with our friend Mr. Computer?
No way. No way. No way.
When Mr. Computer asked me
how many lawnmowers I wanted,
I pressed the one button.
- Once.
-(computer beeps three times)
Just like that.
And right here on the screen
it says one...
hundred and eleven.
See, that's what you did.
You pressed the key too long,
and it typed out three ones
instead of one one.
- Oh.
- But they gave us a discount
for ordering so many.
Well, that's good news, isn't it?
(groans)
I didn't think so. No.
That's not good news.
All right, let me see that.
This is obviously a mistake.
I'm sure the company
will take them all back.
I'm afraid not, boss.
It says right here, "All sales final."
That's ridiculous.
$4,192.67?
I'm not going to pay this bill!
- You already did.
- What?!
Yeah, see, chief,
your computer's floppy disk
has an automatic payment module
that wires an immediate cash transfer
when you modem-in the order.
Speak English!
You're stuck for it!
Well, Lucille,
you and this motley bag of microchips
have really screwed up!
(groans)
Now, look, Curtis, I got an idea.
I'll notify the bank and tell them
to stop payment.
Mr. Computer will straighten it all out.
Well, he'd better.
Or his disk is going to be
a lot floppier than it is now!
(bangs counter)
Oh. Oh. Oh...
What is it? What is it?
Whoa! Look, look, look!
Oh, big sale at Neidermayer's.
I know about that.
Not that! Not that!
I'm dead!
You're not just dead.
You're just not a lot of fun.
Will you see for yourself?
I'm in the obituaries.
Oh.
"Curtis McGibbon, Pasadena merchant
beloved and devoted father
and grandfather."
It's a nice write-up, Curtis.
Is that all you have to say?
Well, it's obviously a mistake.
You're standing right here.
I can pinch you.
Some people have no respect
for the departed.
-(doorbell rings)
- Oh.
- Yes?
- Flowers for the McGibbon family.
- Wonder who these are from.
- The Pasadena Chamber of Commerce.
Sorry to hear about old man McGibbon.
I'm old man McGibbon.
Gee. And you look so lifelike.
Well, I am going down to that newspaper,
and when I am through talking,
they will know who's dead
and who is alive!
By George!
Hey, don't you think
you should get dressed first?
I guess so. Yes.
(doorbell rings)
I'll get it.
(man whimpering)
(blows nose)
Oh, Leonard.
I came here the minute
I read about Mr. McGibbon.
- Oh, Leonard--
- He had so much to live for.
- Leonard, listen.
- He was like a father to me.
I'm gonna miss that old goat.
The grouchy way
he used to say good morning.
And the way he used to yell at me.
Remember?
"Leonard!"
Lucy: Yeah.
- Leonard!
- Aah!
It's like I can hear him now!
I feel like I can hear him--
- You idiot!
- Aah!
You're alive? You're alive! He's alive!
You're alive! Oh!
Will you let go of me?
Oh. Oh, I gotta go to Torrance
and tell my mother. Oh.
She's gonna be disappointed, you know.
She was hoping I could have
your blue serge suit.
Alive! He's alive!
Ah. Well, I'm going.
- Curtis?
- Huh?
I have a friend down at the newspaper,
and I'm gonna call her
and straighten this whole thing out.
This is silly.
The nerve of Leonard's mother.
Yeah.
I was planning on being buried
in that blue serge suit.
Oh, hello. Carol?
Lucy.
Yeah, listen, about Curtis...
No, you don't understand.
He's not dead.
I am facing up to reality.
I'm telling you he's still with us.
No, not just in spirit.
He's here in the grumpy flesh.
All right, Carol, where--
where did you get your information?
Well, they'll just have
to straighten it out.
All right. I'll talk to you later.
Well?
Somebody at the bank told them
that you passed away.
Where could they get an idea like that?
Don't look at me.
Only contact I've had with the bank
is by computer.
I told 'em to stop payment
for all those lawnmowers.
I have the printout sheet right here.
Oh?
Yeah, see? "Stop payment order
on check number 2057 payable to CM."
CM?
Yeah, Chadwick Mowers.
See, that's computer talk.
They abbreviate everything.
- You know.
- Oh.
"Reason for cancellation of order,
CM decreased."
Chadwick Mowers decreased.
This doesn't say "decreased."
You typed "deceased."
"CM deceased."
And the bank thought "CM"
stood for Curtis McGibbon.
You're the one
who said I was deceased.
You're the one said I'm dead!
I think I'll eat some breakfast.
Lucille, listen to me.
I don't have to. You're dead.
I want to thank you, Stanley,
for convincing your company
to take back all those lawnmowers.
I didn't wanna get written out
of your will.
You know, it's an eerie feeling
reading your name
in the obituary column.
You know, there were moments
when I began to miss me.
- Hi.
- Oh. Hello, Lucy.
Well, I returned it, Curtis.
M & B Hardware
is no longer computerized.
Oh, thank goodness.
And I straightened it out
with the bank.
You should be alive
by next Wednesday.
And, uh, the newspaper,
are they going to print a retraction?
Oh, better than that.
They're gonna put you
in the birth announcements.
Yeah, a 205-pound bouncing baby boy.
Stanley, I owe you an apology.
I was wrong to think
that we could do business
without people like you.
That's okay, Mrs. Barker.
You sure you're not
gonna miss your computer?
Oh, no, no.
Computers are all wrong for us.
M & B is a small, personal business.
But I did find what this store
really needs.
Wait right there.
Come in, Rupert.
He can carry boxes, stock shelves.
He can even dust.
Hey, wait a minute. That's my job.
- Nothing personal, Leonard.
- Lucy: Nothing personal.
Curtis, meet Rupert.
How do you do, Curtis?
Lucy: Shake hands with him.
Uh-huh. I'm... fine.
Thank you very much.
Lucy, get him out of here.
But, why, Curtis...
Rupert, get out.
Aka!!-
Rupert! Rupert, don't listen to him.
For the last time, get out!
Oh, yeah?
Make me.
oh!
Ah, well now...
Just hold on. I didn't mean any...
(music playing)
(theme music playing)