Life with Lucy (1986): Season 1, Episode 7 - Lucy, Legal Beagle - full transcript
(theme music playing)
♪ Every day I'm better
than I ever was before ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more ♪
♪ Every day holds keys
to possibilities galore ♪
♪ Every day is better than before ♪
♪ How you feel depends on who you are ♪
♪ Who you are depends on what you do ♪
♪ What you do is mostly up to you ♪
♪ It's true ♪
I You can make a better you I
♪ Every day is a new world
that I'm eager to explore ♪
♪ Every day opportunity
knocks at my door ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more and more ♪
♪ And every day is better than ♪
♪ Keep on saying, "Yes, I can" ♪
♪ And every day is better than before ♪
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, how much is this?
40 cents.
I'll take it.
All sales are final.
(blows whistle)
Uh, excuse me.
Could you tell me something?
Why are you having a yard sale
in the house?
Normal people have them in the yard.
Well, we were planning
to have it in the yard,
but last night the weather man
said it was going to rain,
so we set it all up in here.
And then this morning it turned out
to be a gorgeous day,
but by then it was too late
to take it all outside, so we just--
-(blows whistle)
-(Margo screams)
I'm sorry I asked.
I'll take this.
Margo.
How are you doing? All right?
Found a lot of things.
Remember the lady who had
her 100th birthday last summer?
Did you get a lot of presents?
- Hi, Grandma.
- Hi, darlin'.
Well...
I haven't seen you
carry Charlie around for a long time.
I'm feeling a little insecure.
Oh, now don't you worry.
We're not gonna sell Charlie.
Hey, Kevin,
ready to come play at my house?
Sure, Max.
Do you still have a teddy bear?
Oh, Kevin.
What are you doing
with Grandma's teddy bear?
Silly.
That's your teddy bear, Mrs. Barker?
Of course. A big boy like Kevin
doesn't need a teddy bear.
Heck no. That would be silly.
(laughs)
Yeah, I even have a special little bag
that I carry Charlie in.
You know, and we take trips.
You take him a lot of places?
Yeah. He just loved Disneyland.
Especially Country Bear Jamboree.
Come right in. Lots of bargains.
Boy, your grandma's really weird.
Yeah, isn't she great?
Hi, Grandpa.
Hi, darling. How's the sale going?
Becky: $43.50 so far.
Oh, good, good, good, good, good.
That's one...
- Who put this in the sale?
- What's wrong?
- You can't sell this.
- Why? What is it?
"Swing and Sway with Sammy Kaye."
What's that?
Oh, that's a band I used to dance to
when I went to school in Boston.
And right after the dance
they went out and dumped
all the tea into the harbor.
(laughs sarcastically)
Highly amusing.
Woman: Young lady?
Yes, ma'am. Coming right up.
You know,
this record is very precious to me.
- Yeah.
- You cannot put a price tag on a memory.
- No.
- Wow, Sammy Kaye.
- I'll give you 25 bucks.
- Sold.
I always knew
you were a sentimental fool.
- Got any more like these?
- Oh, I certainly have, sir.
- Right over there.
- Oh, great.
(vacuum whirring)
Oh, I do so admire a woman
who knows her vacuum cleaners.
And, you know,
this is a heavy-duty model.
And a very special one.
Really has never been used.
We have all the appliances.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Stop! Stop!
- Lucille!
- What happened?
Look what you've done.
Oh!
Oh, allow me, madam.
- I'd be very happy to--
- Thank you.
Watch it, buster.
Really, I am very, very sorry.
I have never been
so humiliated in my life.
You know, I bet she has.
Well, hi, honey.
I thought you were at Max's house.
I remembered
it was time for lunch.
- Grandma?
- Yeah, darling.
Thanks for saying Charlie
belonged to you.
That's okay.
You're the best.
Thanks, honey.
I put Charlie in a nice, safe place.
Margo?
What happened to the bag
that was under the table here?
Oh, which bag? I sold one.
- I sold another one.
- Why do you ask?
Well, I put Charlie in a straw bag,
and now it's gone.
Oh, no!
Well, I'm sorry, honey. I'm really sorry.
Well, it was just a mistake, sweetheart.
Grandma didn't mean to.
I guess it was a mistake.
A tragic, tragic mistake.
'Course this means
I'll never sleep again.
I put those posters up
all over the neighborhood.
- Good.
- Anybody bring in Charlie yet?
They will when they see
this $50 reward.
Oh, and, uh, if it'll help any, I...
I brought Kevin an old stuffed animal
I had when I was a kid.
Leonard, what-- what was that?
I don't remember. It's been so long.
But I named him Fido.
Well, offering this to Kevin
is very thoughtful of you, Leonard.
Well, losing your teddy's the worst thing
that can happen to a kid.
- Yeah.
- I know how I'd feel.
No warm, fuzzy fur to cuddle up to.
No red felt tongue
to lick away your tears.
All alone in the dark. (crying)
Leonard. Leonard,
maybe you're not ready to give him up.
Give it a few more years.
Good boy. Good boy.
May I help you?
- I'm here to help you, dear.
- Oh.
I saw your poster,
and I have your bear.
Oh, you've got Charlie.
Oh, how--.
Oh, well, I don't know.
Charlie wasn't wearing a hat,
so I don't, uh...
Oh, well, I'm a sweet old lady.
I took the little guy shopping.
- Oh.
- Do you like it?
Yeah, well, I-- I...
Well, that--
This isn't even a bear.
This is a rabbit.
Oh, uh...
Now it's a bear.
Why, you-- you monster!
Out! Out! Go! Out here!
Well, what do you expect for 50 bucks?
Winnie the Pooh?
- Really.
- Ooh.
- Lucy: Hi.
- Hi, everybody.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hello, son. Hello.
Hi, Mom. I had to stop by
to see if you had any luck.
- No, not yet.
- Oh.
Excuse me.
I believe
that you're looking for this.
You found Charlie!
Oh, thank you, Mrs., um...
Loomis. Hilda Loomis.
Well, Mrs. Loomis, you are going
to make my son a very happy little boy.
Oh, yes, indeed.
Not so fast.
Oh, of course.
Let me get you the $50 reward.
- I don't want your $50.
- Oh. (laughs)
I want 500.
$500?
For a-- a teddy bear?
Take it or leave it.
That's extortion.
No, it's revenge.
You are only doing this
because I vacuumed your skirt off.
Oh, don't be silly.
Why, just the other day I was saying
not enough people
are tearing off my clothes.
Who did you say it to? Mr. Loomis?
All right. I'll give you $75.
That's-- that's my final offer.
Obviously your grandson's feelings
mean nothing to you.
Too bad.
You are the most unfeeling, unfair,
-unkind person I have ever met.
-(pounds counter)
If you don't like it, sue me.
Well, don't think I won't.
I'll see you in court.
Ha!
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to sue that woman.
Oh, now, now, Lucille, be reasonable.
Lawyers cost a fortune.
No. No. You don't need a lawyer.
Not if you take her
to small claims court.
You represent yourself.
My mother went to a small claims court
to collect back rent
from a deadbeat tenant.
- Did she win?
- You bet.
I had to cough up 300 bucks.
All right, that's it.
I'm gonna have my day in court.
I am gonna sue her!
On what grounds?
The grounds that she's wrong
and I'm right!
May I see the document in question,
gentlemen?
Thank you.
- It's very exciting, isn't it?
- Shh.
(whispers) There's a seat there.
There's one... You sit... I'll sit...
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Aah!
I am not sitting next to you.
Well, I am not sitting next to you first.
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
(no audible dialog)
Judge: All right.
When the music stops, everybody sits.
The court rules that the defendant
will have to pay the bill in question.
But I don't have the money.
Then you have the right
to repossess the merchandise.
Thank you.
Just as well. It made my head itch.
-(gavel pounds)
- Judge: Next case.
Pasadena small claims court
case number 711,
- Barker v. Loomis.
- That's me.
Judge: Take your places please.
Raise your right hand.
Solemnly swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth, nothing but the truth?
Both: I do.
Uh, who is Mrs. Barker?
I am, Your Honor.
And I'm Mrs. Loomis.
Yes. Better known as the guilty party.
I am not guilty.
Mrs. Barker,
we haven't decided who's guilty.
That's why we're here.
Now, you claim that Mrs. Loomis
stole your grandson's teddy bear?
Here it is, Your Honor.
Now then, this is the bear in question?
Yes. That's the one she stole.
- I didn't steal it.
- You did too.
- I did not.
- Did too.
- Didn't.
- Did.
Didn't!
I'm the one in charge
of dids and didn'ts.
Did.
Mrs. Barker, would you please
state your case?
Um...
this case would appear
to be about a bear,
but, in reality,
it's about a human being.
A little six-year-old boy, who...
because he no longer
has his teddy bear
is spending his nights without sleep.
Tossing and turning,
turning and tossing.
This bear was his security.
And whose fault is it
that his security has been shattered?
Oh.
I'll tell you whose fault it is.
An unfeeling, uncaring,
selfish fiend of a woman,
and is she in this courtroom
at the moment?
Yes! There is your fiend.
I object.
Objection overruled.
I'll do the overruling around here!
Mrs. Barker,
spare us the legal histrionics
and get back to your place.
Mrs. Loomis, just how did you
get possession of this bear?
At a yard sale.
Do you want me to tell you
what really happened, Your Honor?
Now, that would be refreshing.
First, she thinks
she's the Statue of Liberty.
Then she sells me a teddy bear
and wants to buy it back.
Next, she vacuums my skirt off.
If you ask me, the lady doesn't have
both oars in the water.
Mrs. Barker, do you?
I have as many oars in the water
as she has.
And I can prove it.
L, uh, Your Honor, would like to call
a surprise witness.
Uh, would Curtis McGibbon
come to the stand, please?
Lucille, I just came here
to give moral support.
I didn't expect to take the sta--
That's the surprise.
Judge: Over-- Over there.
Raise your right hand.
Right-- right.
Do you solemnly swear
to tell the truth, the whole truth,
-and nothing but the truth?
- I do.
Judge: Be seated.
Mrs. Barker, you may proceed.
Sometime tonight, Mrs. Barker.
Mr. McGibbon,
how long have you known me?
- Over 36 years.
- Mm-hmm.
And in all that time, have you ever,
ever seen me do anything
that might indicate that I do not have
"both oars in the water"?
Do I have to answer that?
May I remind you that you are under oath?
No!
I remind him he's under oath.
May I remind you you're under oath?
Well, uh, well, it's a little hard
to know where to begin.
I remember the time that you got
your hand stuck in a saxophone and--
- That could have happened to anyone.
- Oh, yeah, that's...
And the time you glued us all together
on that TV show.
Thank you, Mr. McGibbon. That'll be all.
Oh, I almost forgot the time
you flooded--
That will be all, Mr. McGibbon!
That will be all!
Don't you ever,
ever touch my gavel!
L, uh...
Your Honor, move his testimony
be stricken from the record.
He is a hostile witness.
And I'm becoming a hostile judge!
Mrs. Barker,
if you sold Mrs. Loomis something
and she paid for it,
it is the opinion of this court
that the bear legally belongs to her.
But Charlie belongs to my grandson.
- Mrs. Barker, put that bear back!
- No!
Bailiff!
Curtis! Make a run for it.
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
Give me the bear. Give me the bear.
Give me the bear.
Give me that bear. Give me that!
- Judge: Order!
- Give me that.
Give me it.
Order! Order in the court!
Mrs. Barker!
You're very close to being held
in contempt of court.
How close?
You're a hop, skip,
and a jump away from jail.
I'm gonna count three.
One... two...
I'm sorry, Charlie. I tried.
Get back to your place.
(screams)
All right now.
Stop the proceedings!
Stop the proceedings!
I have new evidence
that will strike a blow
for truth, justice,
and the American way!
Your Honor, this is my daughter.
Surprise, surprise.
Mom, I have to talk to you.
Oh, uh, uh,
the plaintiff requests a brief recess.
- Why not?
- Thank you.
You won't believe it. Ted was going over
his law books, and look what he found.
Your Honor.
Your Honor, I call the court's attention
to California civil code 116.3--
rescission of contract due to mistake.
Just what are you getting at,
Mrs. Barker?
Well, that means when a person
enters into a contract
based on a mistaken idea
of the value of the item,
the contract was made in error.
I understand, but I still don't see
how that's relevant.
Well, uh, Mrs. Loomis,
uh, bought a straw bag
at our yard sale.
And this teddy bear
happened to be in it.
We didn't ever intend to sell Charlie.
Well...
if Charlie was inside the bag,
the rescission of contract
due to mistake might apply.
Oh, you know about that little law.
I know about all the little laws.
That's what I do for a living.
(laughs)
And you do it very well, too.
Judge: Thank you.
Mrs. Loomis,
did you know there was a teddy bear
in that bag when you bought it?
Well, no, but...
So, according to the law,
it was not part of the sale.
Well, if you're gonna drag
the law into this.
The bear is mine. The bear is mine!
I'll decide when the bear is yours.
Oh.
The bear is yours.
Oh, thank you.
- Case dismissed.
- All right!
"And so the prince and the princess
went back to the castle
and lived happily ever after.
The end."
Did you like that story?
Yeah, Dad, that was great.
(chuckles) Okay, son, I think it's time
for you to go up to bed now.
But I wanna stay up until grandma
gets home so I can see Charlie.
Well, now, Kevin,
we're not absolutely sure
that Grandma's gonna get
Charlie back, you know.
And just in case she doesn't,
I think you and I
ought to have a little talk.
- Man to man?
- Man to man.
Now, I know how upset you've been
because Charlie's gone.
I know when I was your age
I had a little teddy bear named Binky.
Well, I slept with Binky every night.
Just like Charlie and me.
That's right.
Just like Charlie and you.
Only one day my mom put Binky
in the washing machine.
All that were left
were two little button eyes
and a lot of stuff in the lint screen.
Anyway, I cried and I cried,
but you know what?
Before too long,
I got along just fine without Binky.
I was happy again.
Boy, Dad, you're tough.
No, not tough, Kevin.
You see, that's the wonderful thing
about growing up,
is you learn to depend on yourself.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
I think so, Dad.
That's my boy. Give me a hug.
- Margo: Kevin!
- Lucy: Oh, Kevin!
- Kevin!
- Kevin! Here he is.
Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
Look at that.
Charlie is home.
- Yeah. We won.
- You won?
You should've seen your grandma.
She was magnificent!
It was worth it.
- Thanks, Grandma.
- You're welcome.
But since I saw you last,
I've been through some changes.
You've gone through some changes?
Yeah.
I've decided I'm too big
to sleep with a teddy bear.
What?
You look like you need Charlie
more than I do.
Here.
Well, thank you, darling.
Thank you, and come here
and give your grandma a big hug.
Oh, God bless you.
I love you so.
(music playing)
(theme music playing)
♪ Every day I'm better
than I ever was before ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more ♪
♪ Every day holds keys
to possibilities galore ♪
♪ Every day is better than before ♪
♪ How you feel depends on who you are ♪
♪ Who you are depends on what you do ♪
♪ What you do is mostly up to you ♪
♪ It's true ♪
I You can make a better you I
♪ Every day is a new world
that I'm eager to explore ♪
♪ Every day opportunity
knocks at my door ♪
♪ Every day I'm loving,
living more and more and more ♪
♪ And every day is better than ♪
♪ Keep on saying, "Yes, I can" ♪
♪ And every day is better than before ♪
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, how much is this?
40 cents.
I'll take it.
All sales are final.
(blows whistle)
Uh, excuse me.
Could you tell me something?
Why are you having a yard sale
in the house?
Normal people have them in the yard.
Well, we were planning
to have it in the yard,
but last night the weather man
said it was going to rain,
so we set it all up in here.
And then this morning it turned out
to be a gorgeous day,
but by then it was too late
to take it all outside, so we just--
-(blows whistle)
-(Margo screams)
I'm sorry I asked.
I'll take this.
Margo.
How are you doing? All right?
Found a lot of things.
Remember the lady who had
her 100th birthday last summer?
Did you get a lot of presents?
- Hi, Grandma.
- Hi, darlin'.
Well...
I haven't seen you
carry Charlie around for a long time.
I'm feeling a little insecure.
Oh, now don't you worry.
We're not gonna sell Charlie.
Hey, Kevin,
ready to come play at my house?
Sure, Max.
Do you still have a teddy bear?
Oh, Kevin.
What are you doing
with Grandma's teddy bear?
Silly.
That's your teddy bear, Mrs. Barker?
Of course. A big boy like Kevin
doesn't need a teddy bear.
Heck no. That would be silly.
(laughs)
Yeah, I even have a special little bag
that I carry Charlie in.
You know, and we take trips.
You take him a lot of places?
Yeah. He just loved Disneyland.
Especially Country Bear Jamboree.
Come right in. Lots of bargains.
Boy, your grandma's really weird.
Yeah, isn't she great?
Hi, Grandpa.
Hi, darling. How's the sale going?
Becky: $43.50 so far.
Oh, good, good, good, good, good.
That's one...
- Who put this in the sale?
- What's wrong?
- You can't sell this.
- Why? What is it?
"Swing and Sway with Sammy Kaye."
What's that?
Oh, that's a band I used to dance to
when I went to school in Boston.
And right after the dance
they went out and dumped
all the tea into the harbor.
(laughs sarcastically)
Highly amusing.
Woman: Young lady?
Yes, ma'am. Coming right up.
You know,
this record is very precious to me.
- Yeah.
- You cannot put a price tag on a memory.
- No.
- Wow, Sammy Kaye.
- I'll give you 25 bucks.
- Sold.
I always knew
you were a sentimental fool.
- Got any more like these?
- Oh, I certainly have, sir.
- Right over there.
- Oh, great.
(vacuum whirring)
Oh, I do so admire a woman
who knows her vacuum cleaners.
And, you know,
this is a heavy-duty model.
And a very special one.
Really has never been used.
We have all the appliances.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Stop! Stop!
- Lucille!
- What happened?
Look what you've done.
Oh!
Oh, allow me, madam.
- I'd be very happy to--
- Thank you.
Watch it, buster.
Really, I am very, very sorry.
I have never been
so humiliated in my life.
You know, I bet she has.
Well, hi, honey.
I thought you were at Max's house.
I remembered
it was time for lunch.
- Grandma?
- Yeah, darling.
Thanks for saying Charlie
belonged to you.
That's okay.
You're the best.
Thanks, honey.
I put Charlie in a nice, safe place.
Margo?
What happened to the bag
that was under the table here?
Oh, which bag? I sold one.
- I sold another one.
- Why do you ask?
Well, I put Charlie in a straw bag,
and now it's gone.
Oh, no!
Well, I'm sorry, honey. I'm really sorry.
Well, it was just a mistake, sweetheart.
Grandma didn't mean to.
I guess it was a mistake.
A tragic, tragic mistake.
'Course this means
I'll never sleep again.
I put those posters up
all over the neighborhood.
- Good.
- Anybody bring in Charlie yet?
They will when they see
this $50 reward.
Oh, and, uh, if it'll help any, I...
I brought Kevin an old stuffed animal
I had when I was a kid.
Leonard, what-- what was that?
I don't remember. It's been so long.
But I named him Fido.
Well, offering this to Kevin
is very thoughtful of you, Leonard.
Well, losing your teddy's the worst thing
that can happen to a kid.
- Yeah.
- I know how I'd feel.
No warm, fuzzy fur to cuddle up to.
No red felt tongue
to lick away your tears.
All alone in the dark. (crying)
Leonard. Leonard,
maybe you're not ready to give him up.
Give it a few more years.
Good boy. Good boy.
May I help you?
- I'm here to help you, dear.
- Oh.
I saw your poster,
and I have your bear.
Oh, you've got Charlie.
Oh, how--.
Oh, well, I don't know.
Charlie wasn't wearing a hat,
so I don't, uh...
Oh, well, I'm a sweet old lady.
I took the little guy shopping.
- Oh.
- Do you like it?
Yeah, well, I-- I...
Well, that--
This isn't even a bear.
This is a rabbit.
Oh, uh...
Now it's a bear.
Why, you-- you monster!
Out! Out! Go! Out here!
Well, what do you expect for 50 bucks?
Winnie the Pooh?
- Really.
- Ooh.
- Lucy: Hi.
- Hi, everybody.
- Hi, Dad.
- Hello, son. Hello.
Hi, Mom. I had to stop by
to see if you had any luck.
- No, not yet.
- Oh.
Excuse me.
I believe
that you're looking for this.
You found Charlie!
Oh, thank you, Mrs., um...
Loomis. Hilda Loomis.
Well, Mrs. Loomis, you are going
to make my son a very happy little boy.
Oh, yes, indeed.
Not so fast.
Oh, of course.
Let me get you the $50 reward.
- I don't want your $50.
- Oh. (laughs)
I want 500.
$500?
For a-- a teddy bear?
Take it or leave it.
That's extortion.
No, it's revenge.
You are only doing this
because I vacuumed your skirt off.
Oh, don't be silly.
Why, just the other day I was saying
not enough people
are tearing off my clothes.
Who did you say it to? Mr. Loomis?
All right. I'll give you $75.
That's-- that's my final offer.
Obviously your grandson's feelings
mean nothing to you.
Too bad.
You are the most unfeeling, unfair,
-unkind person I have ever met.
-(pounds counter)
If you don't like it, sue me.
Well, don't think I won't.
I'll see you in court.
Ha!
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to sue that woman.
Oh, now, now, Lucille, be reasonable.
Lawyers cost a fortune.
No. No. You don't need a lawyer.
Not if you take her
to small claims court.
You represent yourself.
My mother went to a small claims court
to collect back rent
from a deadbeat tenant.
- Did she win?
- You bet.
I had to cough up 300 bucks.
All right, that's it.
I'm gonna have my day in court.
I am gonna sue her!
On what grounds?
The grounds that she's wrong
and I'm right!
May I see the document in question,
gentlemen?
Thank you.
- It's very exciting, isn't it?
- Shh.
(whispers) There's a seat there.
There's one... You sit... I'll sit...
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Aah!
I am not sitting next to you.
Well, I am not sitting next to you first.
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
(no audible dialog)
Judge: All right.
When the music stops, everybody sits.
The court rules that the defendant
will have to pay the bill in question.
But I don't have the money.
Then you have the right
to repossess the merchandise.
Thank you.
Just as well. It made my head itch.
-(gavel pounds)
- Judge: Next case.
Pasadena small claims court
case number 711,
- Barker v. Loomis.
- That's me.
Judge: Take your places please.
Raise your right hand.
Solemnly swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth, nothing but the truth?
Both: I do.
Uh, who is Mrs. Barker?
I am, Your Honor.
And I'm Mrs. Loomis.
Yes. Better known as the guilty party.
I am not guilty.
Mrs. Barker,
we haven't decided who's guilty.
That's why we're here.
Now, you claim that Mrs. Loomis
stole your grandson's teddy bear?
Here it is, Your Honor.
Now then, this is the bear in question?
Yes. That's the one she stole.
- I didn't steal it.
- You did too.
- I did not.
- Did too.
- Didn't.
- Did.
Didn't!
I'm the one in charge
of dids and didn'ts.
Did.
Mrs. Barker, would you please
state your case?
Um...
this case would appear
to be about a bear,
but, in reality,
it's about a human being.
A little six-year-old boy, who...
because he no longer
has his teddy bear
is spending his nights without sleep.
Tossing and turning,
turning and tossing.
This bear was his security.
And whose fault is it
that his security has been shattered?
Oh.
I'll tell you whose fault it is.
An unfeeling, uncaring,
selfish fiend of a woman,
and is she in this courtroom
at the moment?
Yes! There is your fiend.
I object.
Objection overruled.
I'll do the overruling around here!
Mrs. Barker,
spare us the legal histrionics
and get back to your place.
Mrs. Loomis, just how did you
get possession of this bear?
At a yard sale.
Do you want me to tell you
what really happened, Your Honor?
Now, that would be refreshing.
First, she thinks
she's the Statue of Liberty.
Then she sells me a teddy bear
and wants to buy it back.
Next, she vacuums my skirt off.
If you ask me, the lady doesn't have
both oars in the water.
Mrs. Barker, do you?
I have as many oars in the water
as she has.
And I can prove it.
L, uh, Your Honor, would like to call
a surprise witness.
Uh, would Curtis McGibbon
come to the stand, please?
Lucille, I just came here
to give moral support.
I didn't expect to take the sta--
That's the surprise.
Judge: Over-- Over there.
Raise your right hand.
Right-- right.
Do you solemnly swear
to tell the truth, the whole truth,
-and nothing but the truth?
- I do.
Judge: Be seated.
Mrs. Barker, you may proceed.
Sometime tonight, Mrs. Barker.
Mr. McGibbon,
how long have you known me?
- Over 36 years.
- Mm-hmm.
And in all that time, have you ever,
ever seen me do anything
that might indicate that I do not have
"both oars in the water"?
Do I have to answer that?
May I remind you that you are under oath?
No!
I remind him he's under oath.
May I remind you you're under oath?
Well, uh, well, it's a little hard
to know where to begin.
I remember the time that you got
your hand stuck in a saxophone and--
- That could have happened to anyone.
- Oh, yeah, that's...
And the time you glued us all together
on that TV show.
Thank you, Mr. McGibbon. That'll be all.
Oh, I almost forgot the time
you flooded--
That will be all, Mr. McGibbon!
That will be all!
Don't you ever,
ever touch my gavel!
L, uh...
Your Honor, move his testimony
be stricken from the record.
He is a hostile witness.
And I'm becoming a hostile judge!
Mrs. Barker,
if you sold Mrs. Loomis something
and she paid for it,
it is the opinion of this court
that the bear legally belongs to her.
But Charlie belongs to my grandson.
- Mrs. Barker, put that bear back!
- No!
Bailiff!
Curtis! Make a run for it.
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
Give me the bear. Give me the bear.
Give me the bear.
Give me that bear. Give me that!
- Judge: Order!
- Give me that.
Give me it.
Order! Order in the court!
Mrs. Barker!
You're very close to being held
in contempt of court.
How close?
You're a hop, skip,
and a jump away from jail.
I'm gonna count three.
One... two...
I'm sorry, Charlie. I tried.
Get back to your place.
(screams)
All right now.
Stop the proceedings!
Stop the proceedings!
I have new evidence
that will strike a blow
for truth, justice,
and the American way!
Your Honor, this is my daughter.
Surprise, surprise.
Mom, I have to talk to you.
Oh, uh, uh,
the plaintiff requests a brief recess.
- Why not?
- Thank you.
You won't believe it. Ted was going over
his law books, and look what he found.
Your Honor.
Your Honor, I call the court's attention
to California civil code 116.3--
rescission of contract due to mistake.
Just what are you getting at,
Mrs. Barker?
Well, that means when a person
enters into a contract
based on a mistaken idea
of the value of the item,
the contract was made in error.
I understand, but I still don't see
how that's relevant.
Well, uh, Mrs. Loomis,
uh, bought a straw bag
at our yard sale.
And this teddy bear
happened to be in it.
We didn't ever intend to sell Charlie.
Well...
if Charlie was inside the bag,
the rescission of contract
due to mistake might apply.
Oh, you know about that little law.
I know about all the little laws.
That's what I do for a living.
(laughs)
And you do it very well, too.
Judge: Thank you.
Mrs. Loomis,
did you know there was a teddy bear
in that bag when you bought it?
Well, no, but...
So, according to the law,
it was not part of the sale.
Well, if you're gonna drag
the law into this.
The bear is mine. The bear is mine!
I'll decide when the bear is yours.
Oh.
The bear is yours.
Oh, thank you.
- Case dismissed.
- All right!
"And so the prince and the princess
went back to the castle
and lived happily ever after.
The end."
Did you like that story?
Yeah, Dad, that was great.
(chuckles) Okay, son, I think it's time
for you to go up to bed now.
But I wanna stay up until grandma
gets home so I can see Charlie.
Well, now, Kevin,
we're not absolutely sure
that Grandma's gonna get
Charlie back, you know.
And just in case she doesn't,
I think you and I
ought to have a little talk.
- Man to man?
- Man to man.
Now, I know how upset you've been
because Charlie's gone.
I know when I was your age
I had a little teddy bear named Binky.
Well, I slept with Binky every night.
Just like Charlie and me.
That's right.
Just like Charlie and you.
Only one day my mom put Binky
in the washing machine.
All that were left
were two little button eyes
and a lot of stuff in the lint screen.
Anyway, I cried and I cried,
but you know what?
Before too long,
I got along just fine without Binky.
I was happy again.
Boy, Dad, you're tough.
No, not tough, Kevin.
You see, that's the wonderful thing
about growing up,
is you learn to depend on yourself.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
I think so, Dad.
That's my boy. Give me a hug.
- Margo: Kevin!
- Lucy: Oh, Kevin!
- Kevin!
- Kevin! Here he is.
Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
Look at that.
Charlie is home.
- Yeah. We won.
- You won?
You should've seen your grandma.
She was magnificent!
It was worth it.
- Thanks, Grandma.
- You're welcome.
But since I saw you last,
I've been through some changes.
You've gone through some changes?
Yeah.
I've decided I'm too big
to sleep with a teddy bear.
What?
You look like you need Charlie
more than I do.
Here.
Well, thank you, darling.
Thank you, and come here
and give your grandma a big hug.
Oh, God bless you.
I love you so.
(music playing)
(theme music playing)