Letterkenny (2016–…): Season 5, Episode 6 - Bock et Biche - full transcript

The Hicks and Hockey Players travel to Quebec for Anik's pre-wedding party.

You?were?sippin'?suds with?your?buds the?other?day...

Hey,?Dary, real?quick.

"Blank,?lunch?and?dinner."

Breh-fekst. Oh,?boy.

Can?I?be?honest?with?you?guys for?a?sec?

Oh,?careful,?Dary.

I'd?suggest everything?you've?said

up?until?now has?been?a?lie.

And?you've?said lots?of?things.

Like,?when?someone starts?a?sentence

with?"Don't?take?this the?wrong?way..."

Guess?what? I?already?did.

Yeah,?the?same?thing if?people?start?a?sentence

by?saying,?"You're?gonna hate?me?for?saying?this..."

Guess?what??I?already?do.

Or,?when?people?start?a?sentence by?saying,

"You're?not?gonna wanna?hear?this..."

Guess?what? I?already?don't.

No,?it's?just an?observation.

Well?I'm?curious?as?to?know why?you?thought

it?required?a?preface.

Well,?because?I'm?aware of?how?it?might?sound.

Quit?beatin' around?the?bush,?Dary.

Yeah,?Dary,?I?don't?remember
you?been?such?an ??around-the-bush?beater.

Oh,?fine,?now I'm?not?even?gonna?say?it.

Say?it.

The?only?thing worse?than?saying,

"You're?not?gonna wanna?hear?this,"

is?when?someone?says they?have?something?to?say,

and?they?don't?say?it.

You're?digging ?your?heels?in?like
a?12-year-old?girl.

When?in?doubt,?spit's?it?out.

Okay,?fine, ??I'm?gonna?say?it. Okay,?here?goes.

You?know?micro-brewing?

Like,?craft?beer?

Yeah.

I?always?thought it?was?"craft?beard,"

on?account?of?the?guys who?make?it?always?have?beards.

So,?it?was?all?that for?just?this?then,?eh?

Thank?you?for?inviting?us into?the?circle?of?trust,?Dary.

I?believe?the preferred?term?is,

"lumbersexuals."

Well,?"craft?beard"?makes a?pocket-load?more?sense.

You?know,?craft?beards doesn't?really?bother?me.

But?it's?the?clever?wordplay that?goes?into ?the?naming?of?it

that?I?finds?hard?to?swallow.

Like,?"So?hoppy?together,"

or?"Barley?breathing."

Now,?why?don't?you just?call?them?what?it?is?

It's?fuckin'?beer. "Beer?and?headlights."

Yeah. ?I'll?contribute.

"Ale?by?comparison."

Stout?and?about.

Sounds?actually?pretty?good, "Stout?and?about."

Stout?and?about's not?bad?at?all,?actually.

I'd?drink?some stout?and?about.

I'm?surprised we're?not?drinking?a stout?and?about?right?now.

I?think?what?you?wanna?do?is you?wanna?put

an?animal?in?the?name 'cause?people?love?animals.

Like,?"Cute?Koala?Cream,"

or?"Happy?Hamster?Honey."

No,?no. ?What?you?wanna?do?is you?wanna?put

a?berry?in?the?name 'cause?people?love?berries.

"Partridge?Berry?Pilsner,"

or?"Alderberry?Ale."

Pleasing?to?the?ears and?the?mouth.

No,?Dary. Dary,?no.

No,?Dan. ?Dan,?no. No,?Katy. ?Katy,?no.

What?you're?exposed?to?do,

is?put?something cozy?in?the?names

'cuz?people?like being?cozy,?right?

Like?"toque"?or?"mittens."

And?then,?if?you?really?wanna double?down?on?it,

you?put?something outdoorsy?in?the?name

because?people?love being?outdoors.

Like,?"lake," or?"mountains."

So?what?it's?really gonna?boil?down?to

is?"Toque?Lake?Brew?co,"

or?"Mountain?Mittens Alpine?Ale."

"Blanket?Fire?Light." There?you?go,?Dary.

The?other?ways to?go?is?to?use

a?clever, but?ironical?statement.

Like,?"I'm?bitters."

See,?I'd?go?suggestive.

Like,?"Slip-it-in?cider."

Katy. What?

Let's?get?this?gal a?fuckin'?puppers.

Dary,?have?a?shot? I'd?have?a?shot.

Dan,?have?a?shot? I'd?have?a?shot.

McMurray,?have?a?shot? I'll?have?a?shot.

Tyson,?have?a?shot? I'll?have?a?shot.

JB,?have?a?shot? I'll?have?a?shot.

Fuck,?boys... let's?have?a?shot.

G'day?

Et?Jean-Carl.

Et?Jean-Pierre.

Mes?amis.

Are?you's?up?at?your?chalet ???in?the?Laurentians
having?a?Laurentide,?or?what?

You?know,?you's?got some?pretty?choice?gins

there?in?Q-bec. ?You?ought?to?hammer
on?one?of?those.

Can?do.

What,?like, a?buck-and-doe?

Numbers?

Well,?I?happen?to?be?sitting with?the?first?team

all-stars?as?we?speak.

A?bientot.

Who?wants?to?go?to a?buck-and-doe?in?Q-bec?

Stag-and-doe, I'll?never?say?no.

A?Jack-and-Jill, always?a?thrill.

Drink-and-dance till?you?shit?your?pants.

Love?a?good turn-and-stomp.

Love?a?sip-and-spin.

What's?a?sip-and-spin? Who?the?fuck?are?you?

A?sip-and-spin...

Stag-and-doe...

Jacks-and-Jills...

Drink-and-dance...

Turn-and-stomp... Or?a?buck-and-doe,

is?a?pre-wedding?party thrown?by?the?best?man

and?maid?of?honor

to?raise?money for?the?bride and?groom's?big?day.

Oh,?cool. ???Get?the?fuck out?of?here,?dude.

In?Winnipeg,?they?call?them?"socials.
" Can?confirm.

You?know,?Winnipeg has?a?very?large.

Ukranian?population.

Not?too?many?people know?that.

Hey,?Jewish?and?ltalian,?too. Not?too?many?people?know?that.

Whose?gulp?and?grind?is?it?

Remember?Anik?

Oh...

Well,?that's?why ?????you?gotta?strike
while?the?iron's?hot,

big?shooter. Another?French?gal that?got?away.

I?can't?catch?a?break.

Who's?drivin'?????? ???Oh,
fuck ,?not?me, ???I'm?hammered.

Dary,?you?hammered? Oh,?I'm?hammered.

Dan,?you?hammered? Oh,?I'm?hammered.

McMurray,?hammered? I'm?hammered.

Tyson,?you?hammered? I'm?hammered.

JB,?you?hammered? I'm?hammered.

Fuck,?boys, we're?hammered.

And?how's?that?for?ya?

Well,?it's?not too?bad?for?me,

but?right?about?now it's?not?smart,?really.

Well,?I'm?not?missin'?out on?French?boys.

Look,?I'll?drive, ?but?I'm?not?fittin'
all?of?youse?in?my?truck.

Pete?and?Repeat.

Guys?wanna?go?to a?buck?and?doe?

Oh,?fuck,?yeah. I?didn't?even?know

there's?a drink?and?dance?tonight.

How?we?not?know about?a?swing-and-sway?

It's?not?here, it's?in?Quebec.

I?got?no?reason to?say?no.

Let's?slam?some rheumy?skin.

Let's?get?our?meat smoked,?boys.

Fire?a?little?batch?of Celine?Dijon.

Let's?go. Okay.

Good. ?You're?drivin'.

Hold?your?horses?now,??? ??hold?your?horses. All?right?

McMurray,?how?are?you,?now?

I'm?a?teensy?bit concerned,?Wayne.

How's?that? What's?the?problem,?McMurray?

Youse?guys got?some?French?pals

who?want?us?English?dudes

to?go?to?their?party in?Quebec,?right?

Right?as?Dan's?jerk?hand.

Right.

Except,?youse?gotta?realize

that,?in?all?likelihood, your?French?pals

probably?have ?some?French?pals

who?doesn't?want us?English?dudes

to?go?to?their?party in?Quebec. ?Right?

Left. Right.

Quebec damn?near?left?Canada.

Separatism?is?alive?and?well
in?Quebec?right?now, ????mon?freres.

Well,?they?just?had the?referendum

damn?near?yesterday. Mmm.

If,?by?"yesterday,"?you?mean a?quarter?of?centuries?ago,

then,?yeah, I?can?back?that.

I?said,?"It?feels?like." No,?you?didn't.

Did,?too. No,?you?didn't.

Did?too. Did?not.

See??The?French is?causing?separation

separatism right?here,?right?now...

Settle?down,?McMurray.

Alls?I'm?sayin'?is,

if?they're?not happy?to?see?me,

then?I?ain't?pretending to?be?happy?to?see?them.

You?heard?it?here?first.

When?a?friend ????asks?for?help ,
you?help?him,

and?that's?all there?is?to?it.

Dary,?you'll ?have?a?scrap? I'd?have?a?scrap.

Dan,?you?have?a?scrap? I'd?have?a?scrap.

Tyson,?have?a?scrap? I'd?have?a?scrap.

JB,?you?have?a?scrap? I'd?have?a?scrap.

I?don't?even?know what?your?fuckin'?names?are.

We'll?have?a?scrap. Fuck,?boys.

Let's?have?a?scrap.

I'll?have?a?scrap,?too.

My?terms?are?non-negotiable.

This?is?gonna?be a?long?drive.

Wait?up,?sum'bitches.

Whoopsie?Goldberg.

Hey,?come?over?here and?shake?my?hand, good?buddy.

Oh,?it's?Stompin'?Tom .
Is?that?fella?Cock?Quacin? still?bummin'?around?

How's?Jim?Cutey and?Micheal?Bubbly?

About?as?good?as?Kim?Mitchell, there,?Cocket?Richard.

Yeah,?long?live?the?hip.

Here?we?go?now.

So?you?guys?got?Celine?Dion

all?cued?up?in?there? What's?the?scoop?

We've?got?All-anus?Morissette.

Who?are?youse?

Excusez-moi. ?Cute.

Jean-Guy.

Jean-Pierre.

Jean-Carl.

That's?Anik.

McMurray.

Yeah,?I?guess that?makes?me?Jean?McMurray.

McMurray.

I've?been?called?worse. And?Jean?Daryl?

Jean?Dan? ?????That's?Jean Squirrelly?Dan.

I'm?Jean?C.?Reilly.

I'm?Jean?Bons?Jonsi.

Actually, my?middle?name's?John.

You?know,?French?people don't?have?middle?names,?right?

Anik.

Jean-Claude.

Jean-Lance.

"Buck?and?doe."

He?wouldn't?let?me?invite English?family?to?the?wedding.

So?I?said?we?have?to?have a?buck?and?doe
so?they?could?be?included.

Well,?how?very?charitable of?you.

Wow,?si,?mon?frere.

Youse?go?grab?us?a?pint. I'll?get?the?tickets.

Very?good?old?boy. Oui.

No?girlfriend?

Pourquoi?

Oh,?no,?no,?no. No,?no.

Okay.

Okay.

Mo.

Very?hot. Okay.

My?niece. ?Beautiful.

But...

Merci,?monsieur...

Jean?Claude...

What?is?it? Drink?it.

I'm?gonna?have?a?piss.

Throw?a?few?darts first,?maybe.

Jesus?H! That?is?fucking?good.

Sortilege. Maple-syrup?whiskey.

What?a?pairing! Mm-hmm.

That's?good. lsn't?that?good?

That's?good. lsn't?that?good?

That's?good. lsn't?that?good?

No,?that's?good. lsn't?that?good?

That's?good. Fuck,?boys.

That's?good!

Fuck,?boys. I'd?have?another?round.

Next?round's?on?us,?boys.

Let's?go!

So?what?do?youse?guys do?for?work?

Jean-Pierre?works at?Jacutsue.

And?what?about?you, Jean-Carl?

Uh,?me??You?know?TD?

TD?Bank? Huh?

TD. TD?Bank.

Titty?Bank? Yeah. ?"TD."

Titty?Bank. Titty?Bank.

TD?Bank? TD?Bank.

Huh? TD.?TD?Bank.

Huh? TD?Bank.

TD?Bank. TD?Bank.

Huh? Come?on.

TD?Bank.

TD?Bank.

I?wanna?make?sure I'm?hearing?this?right.

"Titty?bank"?

Titty?bank.

Oui. ?TD?Bank.

I'm?not?happy.

No?

But?it's?your bock?et?biche.

I?thought?I?was.

Planning?the?wedding was?a?nightmare.

And?then,?I?saw?you.

Titty?bank?

So?like,?a?rip?club...

That's?what?I?thought.

TD?Bank. TD?Bank.

It?is?"TD?Bank."

Oh...

Tee-Dee?Bank.

Yeah. ?TD?Bank.

Jean-Guy, you?have?a?scrap?

Jean-Carl, have?a?scrap?

Jean-Pierre, have?a?scrap?

I'll?have?a?scrap.

Fuck,?boys, let's?have?a?scrap.

So?what?was ?all?this?talk about?a?titty?bank?

Is?it?close?by?or...

MapQuest?it??Or...

Should?we?get?a?motel, and?stay?the?night,?or...

McMurray.

Katy.

So?you?know? You?hear?that?

Oh. ?That's?the?most ????aggressive?two-step
I?think?I?ever?heard.

That's?no?two-step. Huh?

It's?showtime.

You?must?forgive?me
for?not?washing?my?hands... We?gotta?go!

Roger.

I?told?him ?I?couldn't marry?him.

Is?that?what?you?did?

I?told?him I?was?not?happy.

Good?enough.

I?told?him?I?was?in?love with?an?Englishman.

Good?enough?

I?told?him?I?was in?love?with?you.

That's?good?stuff.

Do?you?like?to?dance?

I?fuckin' love?to?dance.

Let's?go.