Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 21 - Beaver's Dance - full transcript

Starring...

and...

- Hello, dear.
- Hi. What's new?

Look, this came for
the Beaver today.

"Master Theodore Cleaver"

You opened his mail.

Well, when you were in the Navy,

the censors always
opened your mail.

But, dear, that was war.

Well, when you're
bringing up children,

it's always war.



"Mayfield Cotillion
cordially invites...

a series of six dances..."

Mrs. Prescott's
running the dances.

And they start this
Saturday afternoon.

And the boys wear blue
suits and white gloves,

and the little girls are
going to be in organdy.

And they're in the
Pink Room of the hotel.

You sure our Beaver
belongs in there?

They sound like a
pretty clean bunch.

Larry Mondello was the only
one of his friends to be invited.

Well, I guess any boys

who carry fish
bait in their pocket

can use a few of
the social graces.

Well, hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.



- Hello, Wally.
- Hi, Wally.

Say, did you wipe your feet off?

Huh-uh.

I got my shoes on.

Oh.

Wally, your brother
has been invited

to the Mayfield
Cotillion dances.

Dances?

Hey, can I be around here
when you show him this?

What do you want
to be around for?

Well, blue suits
and white gloves.

Man, the Beaver's going to
go right through the ceiling.

Now, Wally.

Boy, there sure is going to be

a lot of yelling and
screaming around here.

He was invited, and of
course he's going to go.

Well, okay, Mom,
but on Saturday, Dad,

you better be
around to drag him.

Wally? Wally, why
wouldn't he want to go?

He'll get a chance
to be dressed up

and look his best and
learn some manners,

and he'll meet some
very charming little girls.

Well, gee, Mom,

any one of those creepy
things would kill the deal.

Wally, you're
just being difficult.

What do you think, Ward?

I think I better be
prepared to drag him.

No, sir.

Now, tonight at
supper, we're all going

to convince Beaver
that this is the thing to do

and he's going to have a
wonderful time at those dances.

And, Wally, I expect
your cooperation.

Yeah, sure.

Beaver, you got
something in the mail today.

Gee, that's neat, Mom.
I've been expecting it.

You've been expecting it?

Yeah, Dad, the goldfish
I sent away for died.

And I mailed it back to them,

and they're mailing
me a new one.

Yeah, you got to send
them back the old one

so they know you're
not gypping them.

Is that what came?

Yeah, well, not exactly, Beaver.

You've been invited
to the Mayfield Cotillion.

What's a cotillion?

It's what snobs call a dance.

Wally.

Oh, sorry, Mom.

I didn't know we were
working on him yet.

Well, what's going on here?

Nothing's going on, Beaver.

You've just been invited to
a very nice series of dances.

Yes, Beaver, and
you'll get to wear

your blue suit and white gloves,

and you'll have a chance to meet

a lot of nice new
boys and girls.

Yeah, it's real neat, Beav.

And they're throwing it in
the Pink Room of the hotel.

I'm not going.

I don't care what you
do to me. I'm not going.

I don't care if you kill me

or give me away to
some poor people.

Well, I'm not going.

See? I told you
he'd blow his top.

Uh, never mind, Wally.

Now then, look, Beaver,

do you think for one moment
that I'd make you do anything

that would make you unhappy?

Well, sure, you would.

Once when I was a little kid,
you made me eat eggplant.

Look, Beaver,

I'm your mother.
Do you think I would?

Huh-uh, 'cause you told Dad

I didn't have to
eat the eggplant.

That means I don't have to
go to the cotillion, doesn't it?

Uh, no, Beaver, it
doesn't mean that.

You've been invited
to these dances,

and we think you should go.

Beaver, I'm sure
when you get there

you're going to
have a very nice time.

Well, sure, Beav,

when you get to be my age
and you don't know how to dance,

you're going to
feel like a creep.

That's right, Beaver.

And your friend Larry
Mondello's coming.

No, he's not.

You're just saying
that to make me go,

and then, when I get
there, Larry won't be there.

And then they'll shut the
doors, and they'll lock them.

And I'll be stuck
with all those girls.

Look, Beaver, if you like,
you can call Larry after supper.

Oh, no, he can't.

Now, we've tried
to be nice about this

and explain very sensibly why
you should go to these dances.

Now, it's just one
afternoon a week.

You're going, and we don't
want to hear anymore about it.

Yes, sir.

Come on, dear, I'll help
you with these plates.

Wally, you think
when they came back

if I started to cry, it
would do any good?

Nah, I don't even think
it would do you any good

if you got sick to your stomach.

Well, hello, there.

I hope we're not
late, Mr. Cleaver.

I wouldn't want to make the
boys late for their first dance.

No, Beaver's almost ready.

Well, Larry, how nice you look.

Say thank you, Larry.

Thank you, Mr. Cleaver,
for saying I look nice.

Gee, Mom, you were shoving
me all the way up the sidewalk.

Now, come on, Larry.

Beaver, Larry's here.

He'll be right down, Dad.

Mom's digging the
dirt out of his ears.

Uh, thank you, Wally.

Well, Larry, I suppose you had to
go through the same thing, didn't you?

No, but I had to
change my underwear.

Now, Larry.

Well, I did.

Well, here we are.

Yeah, here we are.

Hello, Mrs.
Mondello. Hello, Larry.

Hello, Mrs. Cleaver.
Hello, Beaver.

Hello, Mrs. Cleaver.

Hello, Theodore.

My, my, don't we have two
handsome young men here?

Where?

You two creeps.

That's enough, Wally.

Now then, I want both of
you to be very polite today

and not make Mrs.
Prescott any trouble.

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

Well now, if everybody's
ready, I'll drive you to the hotel.

Well, gee whiz, Mom, it's
bad enough we got to go

without our mother
should drive us.

Now, Larry.

Oh, I think it would be
all right if they walked.

Well, whatever you
say, Mr. Cleaver.

Good-bye, Mrs. Cleaver.

Good-bye.

Good-bye, Mr. Cleaver.

Good-bye, Larry.

Good-bye, Mom.

Good-bye. So long, Wally.

So long, Beav.

Now, Larry, don't spill
anything on your clothes.

Well, it was quite a struggle,
but we finally got them off.

♪♪

Now, you've all
seen the older ones.

Suppose we younger
ones have a try.

I wish I was dead.

I wish she was.

Mr. Mondello.

Oh.

Go ahead, Kathleen.

Well, it seems as though
we've run out of girls,

haven't we, Mr. Cleaver?

Yeah, should I go sit down?

Oh, no.

You may ask me for the honor.

Oh.

May I have the honor?

Certainly, Mr. Cleaver.

Boy, Larry, isn't this awful?

I'll say.

Even the cookies are crummy.

And, boy, just think

we got five more things
of these to come to.

Five whole more Saturdays.

Not me, Larry.

What do you mean, not me?

Well, I'm not coming to
another one of these dances

as long as I live.

I don't care what they
do to me. I'm not coming.

Yeah, I'm with you,
Beaver. Let's shake on it.

Never as long as we live.

Are you boys enjoying
your refreshments?

Yes, Mrs. Prescott.

Hi, Dad. What's up?

Oh, the light burned
out. I'm replacing it.

I thought you were spending
the day with Eddie Haskell.

I was, but he got
sent up to his room

for mumbling at his father.

Oh?

What was he mumbling?

His father doesn't know.

That's why he sent
him to his room.

Hey, have the
fireworks started yet?

What fireworks?

Well, this is a
Saturday afternoon.

Beaver's supposed to
go to that dance again.

Your brother is
upstairs getting dressed.

There won't be
any fuss this week.

Yeah, sure, Dad.

Now, Beaver, I've heard
enough complaining.

You just put that
suit on this minute.

Huh-uh.

I took my bath and
I cleaned my ears,

but I'm not putting a suit on.

Beaver, are you defying me?

Huh-uh, I'm just not
putting on the suit.

Well, we'll just get
your father up here

and see about that.

Ward?

Now then, young man,
what's the trouble here?

Search me, Dad.

I'm just getting ready
for dancing school.

Hi, Wally.

Hi, Larry.

Hey, I thought you guys
weren't going to dancing school.

Well, we weren't,

but my mother called my
father long distance in Cincinnati,

and he hollered me into going.

Hey, Wally,

how come they make you wear
white gloves in dancing school?

Oh, I don't know.

I guess they don't want
you slobbing up the girls.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Cleaver.

Hello, Mr. Cleaver.

Hi, Beaver.

Hi, Larry.

Well, you fellows
better get going.

You don't want to
be late for the dance.

Yes, Dad.

Good-bye, Mom. Good-bye, Dad.

Did I make that big a fuss

when I had to go
to dancing school?

Not at all, Wally.

You always used
to look forward to it

and even come home with ribbons.

Boy, I must have
been a real square.

- Hey, Beaver?
- Yeah, Larry?

Well, let's just...
Let's not go.

Gee, Larry, we
can't just let's not go.

Sure we can.

Didn't we shake hands on
it and everything not to go?

Well, all we got
to do is ditch it,

and they'll think we went.

Yeah, but what if a policeman

sees two kids walking
around in a blue suit?

He'll know there's
something wrong,

and he'll start
asking us questions.

We don't have to walk around.

We can sit behind
the Andersons' barn

till it's time to go home.

Gee, Larry, I don't know.

Well, look, Beaver.

I even brought
bologna sandwiches.

One for you and one for me.

There's no bologna in mine.

Oh.

It must have fell out.

How about it, Beaver?

Well, okay.

Hey, where did you
get this neat idea?

I thought it up this morning

when my father was
yelling at me long distance.

I thought you were going
to clean out the fireplace.

Well, I was, but then I
got to thinking about it,

and I decided I
liked a fireplace

that looked lived-in.

I think you're just lazy.

I guess you're right.

I think I'm going
to call Mrs. Prescott

at the dancing school.

Well, she won't clean
your fireplace for you.

I thought I'd call up and
see how Beaver's doing.

He went out of here so unhappy.
Maybe something's wrong.

Oh, no, dear, I
wouldn't do that.

He objects enough already.

I wouldn't want him singled
out for any special attention.

I suppose so.

I wish he'd take a
happier attitude about it.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.

He probably puts up
as much fuss as he does

because he thinks
it's expected of him.

Right now he's probably
fox trotting madly

in the arms of some
sultry 9-year-old.

Hey, you want
another hunk of meat?

You got any more?

Yeah, I think so.

Here, half for you
and half for me.

See? Isn't this better
than dancing with girls?

Anything's better
than dancing with girls.

Hey, look, Beav.

There's a kid on a horse.

Hi, kid.

Hi, yourself.

Hey, kid, are you
a boy or a girl?

I'm a girl. You want to
make something of it?

No.

We just never saw a girl
that looked like you before.

Hey, you're all dressed
up. You look creepy.

Well, we know.

Is that your horse?

Yeah.

His name's Whiskers.

Are those real cowboy boots?

Sure. I'm going to be a
cowboy when I grow up.

How can you be a
cowboy if you're a girl?

Dale Evans is a
cowboy, and she's a girl.

Oh, that kind of a cowboy.

Yeah.

Hey, you want to ride Whiskers?

I don't know if we should.

You're not chicken, are you?

Of course we're not chicken.

Go ahead, Beaver. Show
her we're not chicken.

You go first, and then me.

You both can go together.

Gee, that's an awful tall horse.

Here, let me help you.

Hey, look, Beav. I'm a cowboy.

Well, come on, Beaver.
There's lots of room up here.

How do you make him go?

Come on, Whiskers.

Boy, Larry, isn't this neat?

Yeah, Beav.

Wally, you're
cleaning the fireplace.

Yeah, Dad's making
me do it for 50 cents.

Well, Wally, how are we coming?

How are we coming?

Oh, just teaching the
boy the value of a dollar.

He's teaching me
the value of 50 cents.

Dear, I just called
Mrs. Mondello,

and when Beaver and Larry
get back from dancing school

I thought we ought to ask
Larry to stay for supper.

Well, I think they're
entitled to a little reward.

Boy, we must have
rode a couple of miles.

Thanks a lot, kid.

That's okay.

If you're really a girl,

you're the neatest
girl I ever saw.

You guys are okay, too.

Well, so long.

Hey, Larry, we
got a little dirty.

Where?

Oh.

There. How do I look now?

You look all right. We
better be getting home now.

Yeah, that crummy dance
should be just about over by now.

You know, Larry, if
I ever get married,

I'm going to marry
a girl with a horse.

Yeah, me, too.

Hey, Dad, what's
community property?

Well, community property
means that your mother

owns half of
everything I earn or own.

What a gyp.

No wonder women get married.

What was that?

What are you two talking about?

Oh, we were just discussing
the exalted position

a woman has in modern society.

Yeah, Mom, you sure got it made.

What have you been telling him?

Not a thing, dear. Not a thing.

Oh, the doorbell's ringing.

I'll get it, Dad.

- Hi, Wally.
- Hi, Wally.

Hi.

Hey, Larry, you're
staying for dinner.

Hey, where have
you two guys been?

Just to dancing school.

Yeah?

Hi, Dad.

Hello, Mr. Cleaver.

Well, well.

June, Fred Astaire and
Gene Kelly are home.

Is your father making a joke?

Yeah, I think so.

Well, how was dancing school?

Just fine, Mrs. Cleaver.

Wasn't dancing school
just fine, Beaver?

Oh, yeah, dancing
school was just fine.

Beaver, your suit, it's all
wrinkled and messed up.

Well, they played some pretty
fast numbers, Mrs. Cleaver.

Oh, boys, won't you sit down.

Beaver, look at you.

You're covered with hair.

Gee, Mom, maybe some
of the girls were shedding.

Oh.

Ward, do you notice anything?

Yes, I do.

Uh, boys, you know,

you smell like you've
been around horses.

Have we been
around horses, Larry?

Yeah. Yeah, I think we passed
a couple on the way home.

All right, boys, don't you
think it would be a good idea

if I called Mrs. Prescott
and had a little talk with her?

No, sir, I don't think it
would be a good idea at all...

Mr. Cleaver.

All right, then.

Boys, you tell us where
you've been today.

Yes, boys, your father
and I'd like to know.

Well, first of all, we didn't
go to dancing school.

Yeah, I didn't think

you could get that kind
of smell from dancing.

Well, where were you?

Well, you see, we were
going to dancing school,

but then we decided to
eat bologna sandwiches

behind Anderson's barn.

And then this kid came along.

And he was a nice
kid, and he had a horse.

Then we rode the horse.

Then it was too late
to go to dancing school,

so we came home and we
said we'd been to dancing school.

And that's how come we smell.

Is that right, Larry?

Yes, sir.

Except the kid that
had this horse was a girl.

Well, this is down
right disobedience.

I don't know.

To pretend that you were
going to dancing school

and then spend
the whole afternoon

ruining your clothes
riding an old horse.

I'm ashamed of you.

And I'm disappointed.
Both of you.

Dad?

What?

Does this mean Larry
can't stay for supper?

Um, I'll take the
extra plate off.

Well, how are we coming up here?

Well, I've been working on
him for over an hour, Dad.

He smells real good if you
don't get too close to him.

Beaver, that was a very
sneaky thing you did today.

Well, I know, Dad,

but dancing
school is just awful.

I had to get all dressed up,

and then I had to even
dance with the teacher.

And I just hated
the whole thing.

But you and Mom
wouldn't listen to me,

and you made me go anyway.

Well, Beaver, I'm
afraid we're going

to have to make you do
other things you don't like.

But I'm sure you'll
thank us for them later.

I don't expect you to
understand that, son.

But I do expect you to trust
us, and to do the things we ask

with as much good
grace as possible.

Well, sure, Beav.

Even when your
parents are hitting you,

they're just trying to help.

Yeah, I guess most parents
do like their kids a little bit.

I think they like them

a lot more than
a little bit, Beaver.

Hey, Larry, what
happened to you Saturday

on account of ditching
dancing school?

Well, first I had
to take a bath.

Me, too.

And then my mom
said a lot of stuff

about me being an
ungrateful son and all that junk.

And then I started crying,

and she felt sorry for
me and gave me supper.

Yeah, outside of
taking an extra bath,

I got off pretty easy, too.

And I'm going to
dancing school next week,

even if I have to dance
with Mrs. Prescott.

Yeah. Me, too.

You know, Larry,

we ought to go back to
Anderson's barn someday

and meet that girl
with that horse again.

No, it wouldn't be any good.

Well, we'd have our
regular old dirty clothes on,

and the girl probably
wouldn't ever remember us.

And even if she did, it
wouldn't be any fun again

'cause we wouldn't
be ditching anything.

Yeah.

I guess that's the kind of
day you can only have once.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA