Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 22 - Larry's Club - full transcript

Starring...

and...

No, Larry, Beaver isn't
around here anywhere.

I'll tell him you called.

Bye.

Was that for me?

No, it was Larry Mondello.

It's the second time he's called
this morning looking for Beaver.

Oh. Well, I haven't
seen him since breakfast.

I heard a door slam
about half an hour ago.

I thought it was you and you
were mad at me about something.



Beaver's not up
in his room, Mom.

Do you have any idea
where he could've gone?

No, but he must've
left in a hurry though,

'cause his towel's still dry,

and he threw his dirty
socks under the bed.

Under the bed?

Yeah. I picked
them up with a stick

and put them in the
dirty clothes hamper.

I'll take a look outside.

Maybe he went
across the street again

to watch little
Benjie eat snails.

Wally, I just had breakfast.

Oh. Yeah, sure, Dad.

Ward, I wonder why Beaver
didn't tell us where he was going.



I remember when I was a kid,

if you told your folks
what you were going to do,

it took half the
fun out of doing it.

Okay, Beav, raise
your right hand.

I, Theodore Cleaver,
promise to be

a loyal member
of the Bloody Five,

and only go around with other
Bloody Five guys as long as I live.

And not to squeal.

Oh, yeah.

Not to squeal on them,
even if I get killed for it.

Okay, Beaver, you're now a
genuine member of the club.

Where's your 25 cents?

Here, Harold.

Come on, let's go.

Sure was neat of you
guys to make me a member.

Don't forget. It
goes for life, Beaver.

Sure.

Hey, when are you guys
going to initiate Larry?

We're not asking Larry.

This club's just for neat guys.

Larry's kind of a neat guy.

Yeah, he's kind of a neat guy,

but he's not neat enough
to be a Bloody Five.

Larry's almost my best friend.

I wish you'd take him.

Look, I thunk up
the Bloody Five,

and if I say Larry's
not getting in it,

he's not getting in it.

Sure. What's the use
of having a secret club

if you can't keep
other guys out?

Yeah, and Larry's as good
as anybody to keep out.

Yeah. Well, I guess he is.

Come on.

Why, Larry, what
are you doing in here?

Tearing up a rag.

You're not going to spend the
whole day doing that, are you?

I just might.

Did you find out
where Beaver was?

Yeah. I'm pretty sure
what he was doing, the rat.

Why, Larry, he's
your best friend.

How could you say that?

'Cause he is a rat.

He's a triple-dirty rat,
and he eats rotten food.

Oh, stop that, Larry.

You're making me nervous.

Yeah. Just about everything
I do makes you nervous.

Now, Larry, what happened
between you and Beaver?

Well, Harold and some
of the other guys at school

got up a club, and
they were whispering,

and I heard Beaver was
going over this morning and join.

That's why the rat wasn't home.

Well, nobody's going
to keep my little boy

out of a club.

I'll just call Harold's mother

and insist that
they let you join.

But, gee, Mom, if
you went and did that,

how could I go make believe

I didn't care about
their smelly old club?

Now, Larry, dear,

you mustn't let this upset you.

All those boys are going
to be very sorry someday

when you're head
of a big company.

Sure, they are.

But in the meantime, what am I
going to do with my weekends?

What's that?

I drained the bottom
of the hot water heater.

What for?

You have to do that once
in a while, or they rust out.

Oh. When'd you pick
up that bit of information?

Last year, when the
old one rusted out.

Oh, say, did Beaver show up yet?

Yes, he came home
a few minutes ago.

Did you tell him to always
let us know where he's going?

I did, and he told me
that he was going upstairs.

Don't put that rusty
water on my flowers.

Iron's good for them, dear.

Boy, Beaver, the Bloody Fives.

That's just kids' stuff.

Sure, but there's
only kids in it.

Anyway, why did you go and
join a club without your pal Larry?

The guys said Larry
wasn't a neat enough guy.

Boy, that sure is a
dirty trick to do to him.

I didn't think so this morning.

But on the way home,
I started to think so.

What are you going to
do if he comes around?

Maybe if he comes around,
he won't say anything.

If he doesn't say anything,

I won't say anything.

If neither one of
us says anything,

it'll be all right.

You know what you are, Beaver?

You're an optimist.

What's that?

An optimist is the kind of guy

that, if he falls off a cliff,

all the way down, he'd be saying

"Everything's going to be okay."

Gee, I didn't know
they had a big word

for guys who fell off cliffs.

Boy, Beaver, you're goofy.

Beaver, Larry's here.

Uh-oh. He probably
came over to sock you.

Thanks a lot, Wally.

Be right down, Mom.

Hi, Beav.

Hey, Larry, what are you doing

with that paper
bag on your head?

Oh. I forgot.

I was still wearing
my secret hood.

What's that funny-looking
thing on your arm?

Oh, that's my
super-secret armband

that nobody's supposed to see.

I just came over to tell you

that I can't see you today

on account of we got a
big meeting at my house.

You belong to some kind of club?

What's the name of it?

The Fiends.

But I can't tell you any more

on account of I already
spilled too many secrets

and they might put
the secret curse on me.

Gee. Must be a real neat club

to have hoods and everything.

Oh, these are just for now.

We're using paper bags
till we get the velvet ones.

Boy!

We're going to
have blue sweaters,

with gold 'signias, and
we're going to show movies,

and we're going to
hold one of our meetings

right in a graveyard
at midnight.

That's the neatest
club I ever heard of.

Who's in it besides you?

No, I swore not
to tell their names.

But they're mostly big
guys from the fifth grade.

We're having a
big secret meeting

in my basement this afternoon

to join up new members.

Well, I'll be seeing you
around sometime, Beav.

Yeah, I'll be seeing
you sometime, Larry.

I better put on my secret hood

in case there's spies around.

Hey, did Larry sock you?

Huh-uh.

We didn't even get to talk
about him being sore at me.

What did you talk about?

Larry belongs to the
neatest club I ever heard of.

Tough luck.

Boy, I'd sure
like to be a Fiend.

How can you be a Fiend when
you already swore yourself up

to be a Bloody Five?

I'm just going to
have to go over there

and get myself unswored.

Where have you been?

Out. I dropped Wally
off over on Grant Avenue.

He was stopping by to
see someone named Marty.

Oh.

Is Marty a boy or a girl?

Judging by the way
Wally was combing his hair

all the way over in the car,

I suspect that Marty is a girl.

Did Beaver go with you?

Yep. I let him out
at Metzger's Field.

Said he was meeting Harold
and some of the other boys.

Is Harold the one
with the snakes?

No, I think Harold's
the one whose father

went to school with Rod Cameron.

Wonder what's
happened with Larry.

He and Beaver
are always together.

He was over this morning
with a paper bag on his head,

and I haven't seen him since.

Beaver had a piece
of paper in his hand

when I let him out
at the vacant lot.

Maybe he drew up a map,

and they're digging for
buried treasure or something.

"I Beaver Cleaver,

"resign myself from
the Bloody Fives,

"on account of I don't want
to belong to the Bloody Fives.

Yours truly, Theodore Cleaver."

Gee, Beaver, you
mean you're quitting?

How come? Is your
mother making you?

Huh-uh. I'm making myself.

What a crummy trick.

After we gave
you the secret oath

and the password and everything.

Yeah. And this afternoon,

I thought up a whole lot
of neat stuff for us to do.

Come on, Beaver,
don't be a quitter.

Let him go, Whitey.

If he doesn't want
to stay, let him quit.

But any Bloody Five who
ever speaks to the Beaver again

is going to be
thrown out of the club.

That's all right with me.

That's okay with us, too.

Now hurry up and beat it.

I'll beat it, but I won't
hurry up and beat it.

Boy, what a creep.

Yeah, what a creep.

Yeah. It's funny, though.

This morning, he
was a real neat guy.

Hi, Dad.

I thought I just let you
out over at Marty's house.

Yeah, Dad, that's right.
He wasn't home, though.

He? I thought Marty was a girl.

You were combing your
hair all the way over there.

Huh-uh. His sister's a girl,

but she wasn't home, either.

Hello, Wally. Are you home?

Yeah. I thought I'd just kind of
hang around the house today.

Well, this is something.

A teenager staying
home on a Saturday.

Well, the way I figure it,

when I'm in the army,
dodging missiles and stuff,

this will give you something
to remember me by.

That's very thoughtful, Wally.

Isn't it, Ward?

Yes.

Besides, Marty's
sister isn't home.

I saw Beaver hot-footing
it over to Larry's.

Well, he starts out for
Harold's and winds up at Larry's.

Yeah. Well, you
know how kids are.

They can't stick to one
thing for over ten minutes.

I'll get it.

Hello.

Huh?

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Sure. Well, bye.

I'll see you.

Where you going?

Back over to Marty's.

He just got back.

Well, we had a nice day
with our son, didn't we?

Look, Larry, I already
quit the Bloody Five.

You just got to let me
join up with the Fiends.

Gee, I don't know, Beaver.

What do you mean,
you don't know?

At my house, you
said you were having

a big secret club meeting
over here today and everything.

I don't know if the other guys
would want you to be a Fiend.

Well, you could at least let
them look at me and then decide.

Maybe they wouldn't
even want to look at you.

Are you sure you're having a
meeting down in your cellar?

It's awful quiet.

Well, that's 'cause
it's a secret meeting,

and we all talk
with secret signals.

Listen, Larry,

either you're going to join
me up with your club right now,

or I'm never going to speak
to you again as long as I live.

All right, Beaver.
Don't get sore.

I'll take you down
to the basement.

But I'm going to
have to blindfold you.

How come?

Well, if the guys didn't
take you into the Fiends,

and you already saw
who the Fiends were,

you'd know too much, and
they might have to kill you.

Yeah, that's right.

Now sit here,
Beaver, and be quiet.

I got to call the secret
meeting to order.

The meeting will
now come to order.

Quiet down, you
guys by the furnace.

That's better.

Fellow Fiends, this
here is Beaver Cleaver,

and I want you should vote
on him for being a new member.

Stand up, Beaver, so
the Fiends can see you.

Now turn around so the
guys in back can see you.

Okay. Now sit down.

All in favor of making
Beaver a Fiend, say aye.

All opposed, say no.

The ayes have it.

I didn't hear anything, Larry.

That's 'cause they're giving
secret signals, you dope.

Okay, Beav, you're a member.

Now let's go.

Hey, Larry, I didn't
get to meet the guys.

You'll get to meet them
at the next meeting.

It's the rule.

I didn't think there was
anybody here, Larry.

But, gee, Beaver...

What a ratty thing to do.

You got no club at all.

You did a rattier thing

by joining the Bloody
Fives without me.

They didn't want you
in the Bloody Fives

'cause you weren't
a neat enough guy.

I'm as neat a guy as you are.

- You are not.
- I am, too.

Larry, are you boys
fighting down there?

No, Mom.

No, we're just playing a game.

That's fine, but don't
make all that noise.

Yes, Mom.

Rat, rat, rat, rat.

Crumb, crumb, crumb.

- Rat.
- Crumb.

- Crumb.
- Rat.

- Crumb.
- Rat.

- Rat.
- Rat.

- Crumb.
- Rat.

I'm sorry to bother
you, Mrs. Mondello,

but I thought Beaver
might still be over there.

He left quite a while ago.

He and Larry had a wonderful
time playing in the basement.

I think it's so nice that the two
of them are such good friends.

Beaver just thinks
the world of Larry.

Oh, yes.

I think if his sister just
had some of Larry's charm,

she'd have been
married long ago.

Yes.

Well, good-bye, Mrs. Cleaver.

I just talked to Mrs. Cleaver.

I told her Beaver's
on his way home.

I hope that crummy
Beaver falls in a manhole

and a big alligator in
the sewer eats him up.

Why, Larry!

Why, Beaver, I just
called Larry's house.

That Larry's no good.

He's a big, dumb, stupid
dope with no brains.

I'm going to hate him forever,

even when he's a big,
dumb, stupid old man.

Why, Beaver.

Wally, would you come down here?

Okay, Dad. I'll be right there.

Do you think Wally knows
what this is all about with Larry?

I don't know, but I can't
get anywhere with Beaver.

I asked him what was wrong,

and he accused me
of being on Larry's side.

Did you want me to
do something, Dad?

No. Your father
just wants to find out

what you know about the
trouble between Larry and Beaver.

Oh, well, um... I think
they're mad at each other.

Wally, we know that.

We want to know why
they're mad at each other.

Gee, Dad, I'm going
to the movies tonight,

and if I get mixed
up in a big beef here,

I'm liable to miss
the first show.

Wally, you're not going to
get mixed up in any big beef.

Wally, look, if you
know what the trouble is,

I wish you'd please tell us.

Well, the Beaver
joined the Bloody Fives,

and they wouldn't take Larry,

so Larry told Beaver that
he belonged to the Fiends,

so Beaver quit the Bloody
Fives to join the Fiends.

But Larry was only
making up the Fiends,

and so they got
mad at each other,

and I didn't have
anything to do with it.

Thank you, Wally.

Well, I'll be home early.

I got to stop by
Marty's house first.

Are you going to take
Marty's sister to the movies?

No, I'm taking Marty.

But I can't help it if Marty's
sister just happens to come along.

You know how it is.

Ward, I don't like the
idea of boys Beaver's age

forming clubs to
keep other boys out.

I don't like it, either, dear,

and I think I ought
to tell him so.

But I don't want to go up there

and make a lecture out of it.

Remember when
Beaver was a little fella?

You used to solve all his
problems while you gave him a bath.

Yeah, you can really
make contact with your son

while you're scrubbing his back.

What takes the place
of back-scrubbing, dear?

I suppose I could just go
up there and level with him.

But it sounds so corny.

Beaver, did you take your bath?

I wasn't dirty all over, so I
just washed my feet in the sink.

It's been a long time
since I gave you a bath.

Yeah, I guess it has.

Come to think of it,

it's been a long time
since I told you a story.

Yeah. I guess
there's a lot of things

it's been a long time
since you did them.

You know, I think I'll
tell you one tonight.

I guess that would be okay.

Well, Beav, this
is a story about

something that happened
in France in the olden days.

Before you were married to Mom?

Sure. It was a long
time before that.

Anyway, there was this
big village full of people,

and they all worked together,

and they just got
along together fine.

Until one day, a
small group of them

decided to build a castle.

A big castle?

Oh, yes. It had a
drawbridge and towers,

and a big moat around it.

Just like Disneyland, huh, Dad?

Yeah. Well, anyway,

the people who built this castle

wouldn't let the other
people come into it,

and that made the rest
of the villagers angry.

So they all started
building castles of their own.

The first thing you know,

instead of a nice,
friendly village,

there were six castles.

The people in one castle wouldn't
talk to the people in the others.

They wouldn't work together,

and they wouldn't
help each other.

They just all stayed behind
their big, thick castle walls,

and kept other people out.

Did they yell bad
words at each other?

I suppose they did, Beaver.

But the day came when
they learned their lesson,

because an invader
came down from the north.

And because the people were all
divided and not banded together,

and suspicious of each other,

the invader was able to
capture all six of those castles,

one by one.

Is that all, Dad?

That's all, Beaver.

Are you telling me this story

'cause those castles
were like clubs?

Yes, I am.

Beaver, I don't
think it was right

for you to join a club where
the other fellas kept Larry out.

But Whitey said

that was the only reason
for having a secret club...

So you could keep
other guys out.

Oh, no, Beaver.

That's the worst
reason in the world.

See, it's all right to band
together to help each other.

But when people divide
up into small groups

just to hurt others,

sooner or later,
they're going to wind up

like those people
in the castles.

Yeah, Dad.

Larry was hurt, so
he wanted to hurt me.

I'm glad you see what
it can lead to, Beaver.

Thanks for telling
me this story, Dad,

even if I did learn something.

Good night, son.

Good night, Dad.

Dad, maybe some
time, when I'm real dirty,

you could help me
take a bath again.

Maybe I can, Beaver.

Did you explain
to him about clubs?

No, I explained to
him about castles.

Castles?

You know a better way to
get a little guy's attention?

I wonder what people
who live in castles

tell their children
to get their interest.

Probably stories
about Levittown.

Hey, Beaver, are
you still awake?

Sure. What do you think
I am, a kid or something?

Did you like the movie, Wally?

Nah. That double-crossing
Marty didn't bring his sister.

You should've stayed home.

There was a real
neat story about castles

and people conquering
them and all that stuff.

Yeah? On television?

No. Dad told it to me.

How come?

So I'd know how dumb it is

to have clubs for
keeping guys out.

Yeah.

You know, you're not allowed to
have clubs like that in high school.

Why not?

Mr. Haller says we don't
have enough education

to be snobs yet.

Hey, Beav, are you going
to make up with Larry?

Gee, Larry and I
don't need to do that.

Tomorrow, I'll
just say "Hi, Larry,"

and he'll say "Hi, Beaver,"

and then we'll go
start doing something,

and we'll forget all
about hating each other.

Yeah.

Hey, Wally.

I left the water in the sink if
you want to wash your feet.

Closed-Captioned by J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA