Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 2, Episode 39 - Most Interesting Character - full transcript
The Cleavers are still in the process of trying to sell their house, while looking for another one to buy. The offers they receive seem to be more interesting than worthwhile, while the boys are tired about having to keep their room tidy for prospective buyers. Meanwhile, Miss Landers has assigned a 100-word composition assignment on the topic "The Most Interesting Character I Have Ever Known", the class having the weekend to complete the assignment. Judy Hensler mentions that she is going to write about her father, but the story of him being a big game hunter in Africa seems to be more fantasy than reality. As Beaver contemplates who he will write about, Ward isn't immediately on his list as he sees Ward as not being like Judy's "big game hunter" father. Beaver does decide to write about Ward, but after trying to get ideas about what to write, even from Ward himself, Beaver finds it difficult to make the composition interesting from his young perspective, or even from Wally's teen-aged perspective. As such, Wally helps Beaver write a composition more along the lines of what Judy is writing. The most useful piece of advice ultimately comes from June, who tells Beaver to write what he feels about his father and why he makes him feel that way instead of what he does.
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow...
and Jerry Mathers...
as the Beaver.
Dear, you're not going to leave
those there, are you? Why not?
Honey, some people are
coming to look at the house today.
Well, don't you want
the place to look lived in?
Yes, but not this lived in.
Who's coming? I don't know.
I hope it's not like yesterday though.
Two people showed up at the same time.
Oh, you didn't mention
that. Did they like the house?
Well, they hardly looked at the
house. They just glared at each other.
[Footsteps On Stairs]
Did you pick up your room, boys?
Yeah. We jammed all the junk out of sight.
I wish we'd hurry up
and sell this house so
we could go back to
havin' a messy room again.
Wally, where are your books? I
didn't have any homework, Dad.
- No homework?
- Uh-uh. Yesterday,
we practiced graduatin'.
Well, Wally, what do you have to do
with graduation? You're only a freshman.
Yeah, I know, Dad. Only
the seniors practice graduatin'.
The rest of us just sit in the auditorium
and pretend like we're parents.
Oh. Well, Beave, what about you?
Are you keeping up the good marks?
I'm tryin', Dad. Today, Miss Landers
is givin' us a composition to write.
What's the subject?
We don't know yet.
We'll get that today.
All week we've been
practicin' where to stick
in commas and periods.
Boy, wait till you get to the tough stuff,
Beave, like learnin' to write in algebra.
I guess if you can
learn how to write in
algebra, I can learn how
to write in algebra too.
Good-bye, Mom. Good-bye,
Dad. Good-bye, Dad.
Good-bye. Good-bye, boys.
I got a little ink on
my finger. Uh-uh.
Honey, you just wash your hands at
the office. I just cleaned the bathroom.
Oh.
Now, have we all finished
copying the assignment?
[All] Yes, Miss Landers.
And do we all understand it?
[All] Yes, Miss Landers.
- Are there any questions?
- No, Miss Landers.
Yes, Miss Landers. Yes, Whitey?
What is an interesting
character? [Class Chuckling]
- Shall I tell him, Miss Landers?
- All right, Judy.
An interesting character is someone
who goes around doing interesting things,
and that's what makes
him an interesting character.
Thank you, Judy. Now—
You're welcome, Miss Landers.
Now, are there any other
questions? Yes, Beaver.
How many words
must we gotta write?
We must all write 100 words.
Thank you, Miss Landers.
- Miss Landers?
- Yes, Larry.
Does "the" count as
a word? Yes, Larry.
Now, class— Thank
you, Miss Landers.
Yes. Now, I want
you to— Miss Landers?
Yes, Larry?
Does "a" count as a word?
Larry, every word
counts as a word.
Thank you, Miss Landers.
Now, class, you must write
on one side of your paper only.
And remember that
spelling and neatness count.
And have your compositions
in first thing Monday morning.
- Miss Landers?
- Yes, Larry?
Does a comma count as a word?
Larry, you know that
a comma is not a word.
Well, it is if you spell it out.
Larry, would you like
to stay after school?
No, thank you, Miss Landers.
I gotta go with my mother.
A man's gonna look at me
about goin' to summer camp.
Hey, Larry, you really
gettin' to go to camp?
I don't know, Beaver. Somebody's
looked at me every year, but I never been.
Beaver, what are you writin' for
your "most interesting" composition?
I don't know. What are
you gonna write about?
I don't know anybody interesting.
We live in an apartment.
I gonna write about Miss
Landers. You better not,
or I'll tell her you're just
doin' it to get in good with her.
Who asked you? Nobody.
I'm just tellin'
him, that's all.
- Want to know who
I'm gonna write about?
- No.
I'm gonna write about my father, 'cause
he's the most interesting character I know.
He lived in Africa, and he shot
a whole lot of wild elephants.
Fifty. With a gun. And
I bet I get an "A" too.
I thought her father owned
the Circle Garage. He does.
But maybe once a long time
ago, he owned a garage in Africa.
Hey, Wally, do you know any
interesting characters? Heck, no.
Boy, you're a big
help. [Door Opens]
[Wally] Oh, hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
Hi, fellas. Say, we thought
we'd go out to dinner tonight.
A dress-up dinner or
just an eatin' dinner?
Oh, nothing fancy. I think
you should both wear jackets.
And, Beaver, you ought to
put on a clean shirt. Okay, Dad.
Well, what plans do you
guys have for the weekend?
Only Wally makes plans. I
just do what comes along to do.
Tomorrow, I thought I'd
go over to the high school.
Mr. Haller picked a
bunch of us guys to set
up chairs in the
auditorium for graduation.
Well, it's nice of
you to be so helpful.
Yeah. And besides, Mr. Haller said
he'd flunk anybody who didn't show up.
Well, I gotta write
a composition.
Oh. Well, uh, what subject
did Miss Landers give you?
The most interesting
character I ever knowed.
Well, that shouldn't
be hard for you.
You've known lots of
interesting characters.
Yeah, but when I think of 'em, they
don't seem so interesting anymore.
Hey, Beave, why don't you
write about Gus the fireman?
Well, he's on vacation,
and I wouldn't write about
him bein' interesting
unless first I asked him.
Well, uh, Beaver, who are the
other kids in your class writing about?
Well, Larry was gonna write about
Miss Landers, but he chickened out.
And Linda Dennison, she was
gonna write about Daniel Boone,
but Miss Landers, she wouldn't
give her permission to do dead people.
- Oh.
- Hey, who's that creepy Judy
writin' about?
Oh, she's real dumb. She's
writin' about her father. Oh.
Yeah. He had a garage in Africa
and shot 50 elephants that were wild.
Yeah, well, I, uh—I suppose a
father could be an interesting subject.
Yeah, I guess so,
if he shot elephants.
Yes. Well, uh, let me know if I
can be of any help to you, Beaver.
[Clears Throat] Wally, you better get
ready if you're going to dinner with us.
Oh, dear, I'll be
ready in just a second.
What's the matter? Oh,
uh—Oh, nothing. Nothing.
Uh, Beaver is supposed
to write a composition
about his most
interesting character.
Who's he writing about?
Well, he hasn't decided yet.
"Dumb Judy" is
writing about her father.
Oh.
Feel a little slighted, hmm?
Oh, no. No.
I just sort of wish I'd had a
garage in Africa and shot elephants.
Hey, Beave, why don't you wash
your hands before you dry 'em?
Almost as much dirt
comes off this way.
Yeah.
Hey, Beave, um, you
know, I think Dad would like
it if you made him your
most interesting character.
Aw, who wants to be
in a school composition?
Well, I still
think he'd like it.
No foolin'?
Yeah. Well, you know,
if you were a father and
you had a kid, you'd
like it if the kid liked you.
Yeah, 'cause I
like Dad to like me.
Come on, fellas.
Mother's all ready. Dad?
- Uh-huh?
- I just decided to make you
my most interesting character.
Oh?
Yeah, that is, if you don't mind
bein' in a school composition.
No. No, I don't
mind at all, Beaver.
Well, uh, come
on, fellas. Let's go.
Hey, Dad, in the restaurant,
can I pick up my chicken?
You bet you can.
Well, I found the rest of the
screens down in the basement.
Dear? Dear, listen
to this house for sale.
It sounds perfect for us.
"Charming three bedrooms and
den on beautifully landscaped grounds.
"Modern dream kitchen,
patio, spacious, airy.
The ultimate in suburban living.
Near schools and transportation."
Yeah.
Jackson Realty Company.
That's our house, dear.
They told me they were
advertising it this weekend.
It sounds almost
too good to leave.
Well, where's the den? Oh, that's that
little space in back of the living room...
we've never been
able to do anything with.
I'm glad Mr. Jackson’s
working for us.
Now, if anybody wants me,
I'll be outside working on these.
Wally went over to the high
school. Beaver's on the phone.
Yeah, Larry, I'm gonna write about my
father. Are you gonna get to go to camp?
Well, the man said
he'd take me this year,
but then my mother
started to cry, so it's all off.
You know, Larry, I'm glad
you're not goin' to camp.
Now I won't have
to write you letters.
Hey, Beaver, you want
to mess around today?
No. I'm gonna stay home
and watch my father. Why?
Well, I wanna watch him do
interesting stuff, so I can write about it.
- Oh.
- I'll see you, Larry.
Hi, Mom. Hello, Beaver.
You keep out of the way if someone
comes to look at the house today.
Oh, sure, Mom.
Hey, Mom, if you were
gonna write what an
interesting character Dad
is, what would you say?
Well, you could—you could tell
how he was brought up on a farm...
and how he worked his
way through college, and...
And he played on the basketball
team, and he was in the Seabees.
Is that all?
Well, you could say how he met me
and how he asked me to marry him.
You mean mushy stuff?
They might make us
read it out loud in
front of the whole class.
Well, Beaver, I'm sure
your father does lots of
interesting things every day
that you could write about.
Oh. Where is Dad, Mom?
He's right outside.
Which house are
we gonna buy, Mom?
Well, I don't know. We're
considering two of them.
That'll be real neat
livin' in two houses.
Shoo!
Do you want something, Beaver?
Uh-uh. I'm just waitin' for you
to do something interesting.
Oh. Well, I'm just cleaning
these screens now.
I know, but Mom says you do
something interesting every day.
Oh. Well, this is, uh, just a
household chore, Beaver.
Hey, Dad, are you gonna have
to get the big, tall ladder out...
and climb up way to the second
story to put the bedroom screens up?
Oh, uh, no, I won't
have to do that, Beaver.
I'll just put 'em on from
inside. They just slip on.
Oh.
Dad, did you ever
ride in a "heliocopter"?
A helicopter? No.
I, uh—I did cross the South
Pacific in a ship once though.
A water ship?
Yeah. Navy transport.
And I bet it was torpedoed, and you saved
a whole bunch of guys from "drowndin'."
No. No, nothing
like that happened.
Oh.
Did you ever shoot
down any enemy planes?
No. You know, uh...
Uh, once at gunnery practice,
we shot down four target balloons.
Boy, that's neat.
How'd you do it?
Well, uh, it was, uh,
Saturday morning,
and all of a sudden, they
sounded a general alarm,
and then we released
the balloons from our ship,
and, uh, we started
banging away at 'em.
You mean the balloons
were on our side?
Yeah. They, uh— They
were friendly balloons.
Oh.
[Sighs] I think I'm gonna
go in the house now, Dad.
Okay, Beaver.
Call me if you decide to
do anything interesting.
I sure will, Beaver.
Back so soon? Yeah, Mom.
Dad's gonna call me if he
does anything interesting.
Yeah, sure. Sure. I'll call
you back. All right. Good-bye.
Who were you talking to,
dear? Oh, that was Mr. Jackson.
Those people he showed through
the house today made an offer.
Oh, that's wonderful, Ward.
Well, there's a little hitch.
They want us to take a pickup
truck as part of the down payment.
Well, here's your chance, dear.
You always wanted a car of your own.
Uh-uh. Can you imagine me going to
the P.T.A. meetings in a pickup truck?
Nah.
Hey, Wally, you want to listen to my
composition about Dad? Is it any good?
I don't know. I just
wrote it. I haven't read it.
Well, okay. Go
ahead. Let's hear it.
[Clears Throat] "The
Most Interesting Character
I Have Ever Known,
by Theodore Cleaver."
- You gotta write that, but it doesn't count
in the hundred words.
- Yeah.
"The most interesting character I have
ever known is my father, Mr. Ward Cleaver."
- Hey, what do you call him "mister" for?
- It counts as a word.
Oh.
"My father was born right here
in this town and still lives in it.
"He has a very interesting job.
"He goes to the
office every day,
"except Saturday and Sunday
and Christmas and Thanksgiving...
"and all the other holidays.
"And he is also
married to my mother...
and has two sons, me and Wally."
Boy, is that corny.
Well, is it, Wally?
Well, uh—Well, go ahead.
Let's hear some more of it.
"The interesting things he
did today was put up screens.
"He also took the car to get a
new fan belt which was loose.
He can fix sinks and
take a pill without water."
- What do you think, Wally?
- I think it's dumb.
Well, I didn't write it dumb.
Just came out dumb.
Look, Beaver. Judy’s got a
father who shot elephants in Africa.
Alongside of that,
fixin' sinks is nothin'.
But most likely, Judy's makin'
that up. Dad really can fix sinks.
Yeah, but when you're writin' a
story, you gotta make it sound good.
Wally, you're a good
story-maker-upper.
- Please?
- Well, okay.
[Mutters]
Supper'll be ready in a few minutes.
Oh. Getting the stove dirty, huh?
Yep. Had to break down.
Mr. Jackson called again.
Oh, how are we making out?
We're doing a little better.
They withdrew the pickup truck.
Now they're offering
us a beach lot.
A beach lot? Where? OH,
Jackson was a little vague about that.
Dear, will you tell the boys
to get ready for supper? Sure.
Boys, supper in five minutes!
Ward, you're
getting just like Wally.
Well, anyone can walk upstairs.
I'm just being an interesting character.
You got it finished,
Wally? Yeah, most of it.
- Hey, you wanna read it?
- No, you read it.
I can listen better when
someone else reads.
"The most interesting character I ever
knew was my father, Ward Cleaver."
Wally, "Mr. Ward Cleaver."
Oh, yeah.
"The most interesting character I ever
knew was my father, Mr. Ward Cleaver.
"He was born at the mouth of
the Amazon, which is a river,
"and when he was a baby, he was
stolen out of his crib by a crocodile,
"and in the nick of
time, he was saved...
by a friendly headhunter
with a blowgun."
Boy, Wally, you sure are
good at makin' up stuff.
"During the war, he
was a secret general,
"where he had many
interesting experiences.
"Now he has a job in an office,
but he really works for the F. B. I.
And on Sundays, he goes to the beach
and saves a lot of people from drowning."
- How do you like it, Beave?
- Boy, that's keen.
Hey, what's the matter?
I was just thinkin' how neat
it'd be to have a father like that.
Well, heck, Beaver, he'd be so busy
being interesting you'd never even see him.
Yeah.
Sunday afternoon,
you're not out playing?
I'm still working on my
interesting composition for school.
You having trouble
with it, Beaver?
Well, I wrote up one,
but it sounded dumb.
And then Wally helped
me write up another.
It sounded okay, but it
was all made-up stuff.
Well, I know you're
proud of your father,
and it's only natural that you want to
make him sound as interesting as possible,
but you have to tell the truth.
Well, I tried that the first time,
but it came out like dad isn't.
Well, Beaver, you know, if you try to write
down how you feel about your father...
and what he means to you...
instead of just trying to say what
he does, it might come a lot easier.
I'll try it, Mom. But
you know somethin'?
I never knew before you had
to do any thinkin' to be a writer.
Hey, Dad, did we sell the house yet?
Enough people came to look at it yesterday.
Mr. Jackson is calling
us today to let us know if
the people with the beach
lot will meet our price.
Boy, I hope they take it, 'cause we're sure
gettin' tired of keepin' our room clean.
Uh, we sort of hoped it
might become a habit.
Oh. Sure, Dad.
[Chuckles]
Well, Beaver, where
have you been?
I've been up recopyin'
my composition, Mom.
The first one had all
kinds of fingerprints on it.
Well, let's hear it.
Oh, you don't
want to hear it, Dad.
Uh, no, Dad, you sure don't.
Well, of course I do. The least I
can do is to check it for punctuation.
Well, okay.
But don't get any
fingerprints on it. Yeah.
"The most interesting
character I have ever
known is my father,
Mr. Ward Cleaver." "Mister"?
That counts as a word, Dad.
Oh.
"He does not have
an interesting job.
"He just works hard and
takes care of all of us.
"He never shot things in Africa or
not saved anybody that was drowning.
"But that's all right with me, because
when I am sick, he brings me ice cream,
"and when I tell him things or
ask things, he always listens to me.
"And he will use up a whole Saturday
to make junk with me in the garage.
"He may not be interesting
to you or someone else,
because he's not
your father, just mine."
I don't know if it
sounds so good, Dad,
but it sure made me feel
good when I was writin' it.
I'm glad it did, Beaver.
It made me feel pretty
good to read it too.
Well, here. I don't think I
got any fingerprints on it.
Uh-uh. Those two
up there, they're mine.
Hey, Wally, I'm not making too
much noise for your homework, am I?
Nah.
Hey, Beave, how'd you make
out with your composition today?
Miss Landers gave me
a "B." I would've got an
"A," except I used too
many words I can't spell.
Hey, what'd that
creepy Judy get?
Well, she stood up
and started to read hers,
and then when she got
to the part where her father
shot 50 elephants,
Larry busted out laughin'.
- Yeah. Then what happened?
- Then everybody burst out laughin'.
And then Miss Landers sent
Larry to the principal's office,
and she made Judy
stay after school for lyin'.
You know, Beave, it's lucky you didn't
stick any crocodiles in there after all.
Yeah.
Well, boys, we sold the house. You
mean we can't even sleep in it tonight?
[Chuckles] Of course
we can, Beaver.
Sure. It'll take a month or more to
work all the details out and move, Beaver.
Hey, where we
gonna move to, Dad?
Remember that house we looked
at over on Lakewood Avenue?
You mean the one
that's got its own place to
eat breakfast? Uh-huh.
We made an offer on it.
And we're pretty sure
they're going to accept it.
Well, we just wanted to let you fellas
know. I've got some phone calls to make.
Boy, that's gonna
be neat, huh, Beave?
We're even gonna each
have our own bedroom.
Yeah, but I'm gonna kind
of miss this house though.
I wonder if the new people would
let me come back and visit it?
Well, gee, Beaver. Whoever
heard of visitin' a house?
Well, when you've lived
in a house all your life,
you get to know it better than
you get to know some people.
Yeah.
Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow...
and Jerry Mathers...
as the Beaver.
Dear, you're not going to leave
those there, are you? Why not?
Honey, some people are
coming to look at the house today.
Well, don't you want
the place to look lived in?
Yes, but not this lived in.
Who's coming? I don't know.
I hope it's not like yesterday though.
Two people showed up at the same time.
Oh, you didn't mention
that. Did they like the house?
Well, they hardly looked at the
house. They just glared at each other.
[Footsteps On Stairs]
Did you pick up your room, boys?
Yeah. We jammed all the junk out of sight.
I wish we'd hurry up
and sell this house so
we could go back to
havin' a messy room again.
Wally, where are your books? I
didn't have any homework, Dad.
- No homework?
- Uh-uh. Yesterday,
we practiced graduatin'.
Well, Wally, what do you have to do
with graduation? You're only a freshman.
Yeah, I know, Dad. Only
the seniors practice graduatin'.
The rest of us just sit in the auditorium
and pretend like we're parents.
Oh. Well, Beave, what about you?
Are you keeping up the good marks?
I'm tryin', Dad. Today, Miss Landers
is givin' us a composition to write.
What's the subject?
We don't know yet.
We'll get that today.
All week we've been
practicin' where to stick
in commas and periods.
Boy, wait till you get to the tough stuff,
Beave, like learnin' to write in algebra.
I guess if you can
learn how to write in
algebra, I can learn how
to write in algebra too.
Good-bye, Mom. Good-bye,
Dad. Good-bye, Dad.
Good-bye. Good-bye, boys.
I got a little ink on
my finger. Uh-uh.
Honey, you just wash your hands at
the office. I just cleaned the bathroom.
Oh.
Now, have we all finished
copying the assignment?
[All] Yes, Miss Landers.
And do we all understand it?
[All] Yes, Miss Landers.
- Are there any questions?
- No, Miss Landers.
Yes, Miss Landers. Yes, Whitey?
What is an interesting
character? [Class Chuckling]
- Shall I tell him, Miss Landers?
- All right, Judy.
An interesting character is someone
who goes around doing interesting things,
and that's what makes
him an interesting character.
Thank you, Judy. Now—
You're welcome, Miss Landers.
Now, are there any other
questions? Yes, Beaver.
How many words
must we gotta write?
We must all write 100 words.
Thank you, Miss Landers.
- Miss Landers?
- Yes, Larry.
Does "the" count as
a word? Yes, Larry.
Now, class— Thank
you, Miss Landers.
Yes. Now, I want
you to— Miss Landers?
Yes, Larry?
Does "a" count as a word?
Larry, every word
counts as a word.
Thank you, Miss Landers.
Now, class, you must write
on one side of your paper only.
And remember that
spelling and neatness count.
And have your compositions
in first thing Monday morning.
- Miss Landers?
- Yes, Larry?
Does a comma count as a word?
Larry, you know that
a comma is not a word.
Well, it is if you spell it out.
Larry, would you like
to stay after school?
No, thank you, Miss Landers.
I gotta go with my mother.
A man's gonna look at me
about goin' to summer camp.
Hey, Larry, you really
gettin' to go to camp?
I don't know, Beaver. Somebody's
looked at me every year, but I never been.
Beaver, what are you writin' for
your "most interesting" composition?
I don't know. What are
you gonna write about?
I don't know anybody interesting.
We live in an apartment.
I gonna write about Miss
Landers. You better not,
or I'll tell her you're just
doin' it to get in good with her.
Who asked you? Nobody.
I'm just tellin'
him, that's all.
- Want to know who
I'm gonna write about?
- No.
I'm gonna write about my father, 'cause
he's the most interesting character I know.
He lived in Africa, and he shot
a whole lot of wild elephants.
Fifty. With a gun. And
I bet I get an "A" too.
I thought her father owned
the Circle Garage. He does.
But maybe once a long time
ago, he owned a garage in Africa.
Hey, Wally, do you know any
interesting characters? Heck, no.
Boy, you're a big
help. [Door Opens]
[Wally] Oh, hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
Hi, fellas. Say, we thought
we'd go out to dinner tonight.
A dress-up dinner or
just an eatin' dinner?
Oh, nothing fancy. I think
you should both wear jackets.
And, Beaver, you ought to
put on a clean shirt. Okay, Dad.
Well, what plans do you
guys have for the weekend?
Only Wally makes plans. I
just do what comes along to do.
Tomorrow, I thought I'd
go over to the high school.
Mr. Haller picked a
bunch of us guys to set
up chairs in the
auditorium for graduation.
Well, it's nice of
you to be so helpful.
Yeah. And besides, Mr. Haller said
he'd flunk anybody who didn't show up.
Well, I gotta write
a composition.
Oh. Well, uh, what subject
did Miss Landers give you?
The most interesting
character I ever knowed.
Well, that shouldn't
be hard for you.
You've known lots of
interesting characters.
Yeah, but when I think of 'em, they
don't seem so interesting anymore.
Hey, Beave, why don't you
write about Gus the fireman?
Well, he's on vacation,
and I wouldn't write about
him bein' interesting
unless first I asked him.
Well, uh, Beaver, who are the
other kids in your class writing about?
Well, Larry was gonna write about
Miss Landers, but he chickened out.
And Linda Dennison, she was
gonna write about Daniel Boone,
but Miss Landers, she wouldn't
give her permission to do dead people.
- Oh.
- Hey, who's that creepy Judy
writin' about?
Oh, she's real dumb. She's
writin' about her father. Oh.
Yeah. He had a garage in Africa
and shot 50 elephants that were wild.
Yeah, well, I, uh—I suppose a
father could be an interesting subject.
Yeah, I guess so,
if he shot elephants.
Yes. Well, uh, let me know if I
can be of any help to you, Beaver.
[Clears Throat] Wally, you better get
ready if you're going to dinner with us.
Oh, dear, I'll be
ready in just a second.
What's the matter? Oh,
uh—Oh, nothing. Nothing.
Uh, Beaver is supposed
to write a composition
about his most
interesting character.
Who's he writing about?
Well, he hasn't decided yet.
"Dumb Judy" is
writing about her father.
Oh.
Feel a little slighted, hmm?
Oh, no. No.
I just sort of wish I'd had a
garage in Africa and shot elephants.
Hey, Beave, why don't you wash
your hands before you dry 'em?
Almost as much dirt
comes off this way.
Yeah.
Hey, Beave, um, you
know, I think Dad would like
it if you made him your
most interesting character.
Aw, who wants to be
in a school composition?
Well, I still
think he'd like it.
No foolin'?
Yeah. Well, you know,
if you were a father and
you had a kid, you'd
like it if the kid liked you.
Yeah, 'cause I
like Dad to like me.
Come on, fellas.
Mother's all ready. Dad?
- Uh-huh?
- I just decided to make you
my most interesting character.
Oh?
Yeah, that is, if you don't mind
bein' in a school composition.
No. No, I don't
mind at all, Beaver.
Well, uh, come
on, fellas. Let's go.
Hey, Dad, in the restaurant,
can I pick up my chicken?
You bet you can.
Well, I found the rest of the
screens down in the basement.
Dear? Dear, listen
to this house for sale.
It sounds perfect for us.
"Charming three bedrooms and
den on beautifully landscaped grounds.
"Modern dream kitchen,
patio, spacious, airy.
The ultimate in suburban living.
Near schools and transportation."
Yeah.
Jackson Realty Company.
That's our house, dear.
They told me they were
advertising it this weekend.
It sounds almost
too good to leave.
Well, where's the den? Oh, that's that
little space in back of the living room...
we've never been
able to do anything with.
I'm glad Mr. Jackson’s
working for us.
Now, if anybody wants me,
I'll be outside working on these.
Wally went over to the high
school. Beaver's on the phone.
Yeah, Larry, I'm gonna write about my
father. Are you gonna get to go to camp?
Well, the man said
he'd take me this year,
but then my mother
started to cry, so it's all off.
You know, Larry, I'm glad
you're not goin' to camp.
Now I won't have
to write you letters.
Hey, Beaver, you want
to mess around today?
No. I'm gonna stay home
and watch my father. Why?
Well, I wanna watch him do
interesting stuff, so I can write about it.
- Oh.
- I'll see you, Larry.
Hi, Mom. Hello, Beaver.
You keep out of the way if someone
comes to look at the house today.
Oh, sure, Mom.
Hey, Mom, if you were
gonna write what an
interesting character Dad
is, what would you say?
Well, you could—you could tell
how he was brought up on a farm...
and how he worked his
way through college, and...
And he played on the basketball
team, and he was in the Seabees.
Is that all?
Well, you could say how he met me
and how he asked me to marry him.
You mean mushy stuff?
They might make us
read it out loud in
front of the whole class.
Well, Beaver, I'm sure
your father does lots of
interesting things every day
that you could write about.
Oh. Where is Dad, Mom?
He's right outside.
Which house are
we gonna buy, Mom?
Well, I don't know. We're
considering two of them.
That'll be real neat
livin' in two houses.
Shoo!
Do you want something, Beaver?
Uh-uh. I'm just waitin' for you
to do something interesting.
Oh. Well, I'm just cleaning
these screens now.
I know, but Mom says you do
something interesting every day.
Oh. Well, this is, uh, just a
household chore, Beaver.
Hey, Dad, are you gonna have
to get the big, tall ladder out...
and climb up way to the second
story to put the bedroom screens up?
Oh, uh, no, I won't
have to do that, Beaver.
I'll just put 'em on from
inside. They just slip on.
Oh.
Dad, did you ever
ride in a "heliocopter"?
A helicopter? No.
I, uh—I did cross the South
Pacific in a ship once though.
A water ship?
Yeah. Navy transport.
And I bet it was torpedoed, and you saved
a whole bunch of guys from "drowndin'."
No. No, nothing
like that happened.
Oh.
Did you ever shoot
down any enemy planes?
No. You know, uh...
Uh, once at gunnery practice,
we shot down four target balloons.
Boy, that's neat.
How'd you do it?
Well, uh, it was, uh,
Saturday morning,
and all of a sudden, they
sounded a general alarm,
and then we released
the balloons from our ship,
and, uh, we started
banging away at 'em.
You mean the balloons
were on our side?
Yeah. They, uh— They
were friendly balloons.
Oh.
[Sighs] I think I'm gonna
go in the house now, Dad.
Okay, Beaver.
Call me if you decide to
do anything interesting.
I sure will, Beaver.
Back so soon? Yeah, Mom.
Dad's gonna call me if he
does anything interesting.
Yeah, sure. Sure. I'll call
you back. All right. Good-bye.
Who were you talking to,
dear? Oh, that was Mr. Jackson.
Those people he showed through
the house today made an offer.
Oh, that's wonderful, Ward.
Well, there's a little hitch.
They want us to take a pickup
truck as part of the down payment.
Well, here's your chance, dear.
You always wanted a car of your own.
Uh-uh. Can you imagine me going to
the P.T.A. meetings in a pickup truck?
Nah.
Hey, Wally, you want to listen to my
composition about Dad? Is it any good?
I don't know. I just
wrote it. I haven't read it.
Well, okay. Go
ahead. Let's hear it.
[Clears Throat] "The
Most Interesting Character
I Have Ever Known,
by Theodore Cleaver."
- You gotta write that, but it doesn't count
in the hundred words.
- Yeah.
"The most interesting character I have
ever known is my father, Mr. Ward Cleaver."
- Hey, what do you call him "mister" for?
- It counts as a word.
Oh.
"My father was born right here
in this town and still lives in it.
"He has a very interesting job.
"He goes to the
office every day,
"except Saturday and Sunday
and Christmas and Thanksgiving...
"and all the other holidays.
"And he is also
married to my mother...
and has two sons, me and Wally."
Boy, is that corny.
Well, is it, Wally?
Well, uh—Well, go ahead.
Let's hear some more of it.
"The interesting things he
did today was put up screens.
"He also took the car to get a
new fan belt which was loose.
He can fix sinks and
take a pill without water."
- What do you think, Wally?
- I think it's dumb.
Well, I didn't write it dumb.
Just came out dumb.
Look, Beaver. Judy’s got a
father who shot elephants in Africa.
Alongside of that,
fixin' sinks is nothin'.
But most likely, Judy's makin'
that up. Dad really can fix sinks.
Yeah, but when you're writin' a
story, you gotta make it sound good.
Wally, you're a good
story-maker-upper.
- Please?
- Well, okay.
[Mutters]
Supper'll be ready in a few minutes.
Oh. Getting the stove dirty, huh?
Yep. Had to break down.
Mr. Jackson called again.
Oh, how are we making out?
We're doing a little better.
They withdrew the pickup truck.
Now they're offering
us a beach lot.
A beach lot? Where? OH,
Jackson was a little vague about that.
Dear, will you tell the boys
to get ready for supper? Sure.
Boys, supper in five minutes!
Ward, you're
getting just like Wally.
Well, anyone can walk upstairs.
I'm just being an interesting character.
You got it finished,
Wally? Yeah, most of it.
- Hey, you wanna read it?
- No, you read it.
I can listen better when
someone else reads.
"The most interesting character I ever
knew was my father, Ward Cleaver."
Wally, "Mr. Ward Cleaver."
Oh, yeah.
"The most interesting character I ever
knew was my father, Mr. Ward Cleaver.
"He was born at the mouth of
the Amazon, which is a river,
"and when he was a baby, he was
stolen out of his crib by a crocodile,
"and in the nick of
time, he was saved...
by a friendly headhunter
with a blowgun."
Boy, Wally, you sure are
good at makin' up stuff.
"During the war, he
was a secret general,
"where he had many
interesting experiences.
"Now he has a job in an office,
but he really works for the F. B. I.
And on Sundays, he goes to the beach
and saves a lot of people from drowning."
- How do you like it, Beave?
- Boy, that's keen.
Hey, what's the matter?
I was just thinkin' how neat
it'd be to have a father like that.
Well, heck, Beaver, he'd be so busy
being interesting you'd never even see him.
Yeah.
Sunday afternoon,
you're not out playing?
I'm still working on my
interesting composition for school.
You having trouble
with it, Beaver?
Well, I wrote up one,
but it sounded dumb.
And then Wally helped
me write up another.
It sounded okay, but it
was all made-up stuff.
Well, I know you're
proud of your father,
and it's only natural that you want to
make him sound as interesting as possible,
but you have to tell the truth.
Well, I tried that the first time,
but it came out like dad isn't.
Well, Beaver, you know, if you try to write
down how you feel about your father...
and what he means to you...
instead of just trying to say what
he does, it might come a lot easier.
I'll try it, Mom. But
you know somethin'?
I never knew before you had
to do any thinkin' to be a writer.
Hey, Dad, did we sell the house yet?
Enough people came to look at it yesterday.
Mr. Jackson is calling
us today to let us know if
the people with the beach
lot will meet our price.
Boy, I hope they take it, 'cause we're sure
gettin' tired of keepin' our room clean.
Uh, we sort of hoped it
might become a habit.
Oh. Sure, Dad.
[Chuckles]
Well, Beaver, where
have you been?
I've been up recopyin'
my composition, Mom.
The first one had all
kinds of fingerprints on it.
Well, let's hear it.
Oh, you don't
want to hear it, Dad.
Uh, no, Dad, you sure don't.
Well, of course I do. The least I
can do is to check it for punctuation.
Well, okay.
But don't get any
fingerprints on it. Yeah.
"The most interesting
character I have ever
known is my father,
Mr. Ward Cleaver." "Mister"?
That counts as a word, Dad.
Oh.
"He does not have
an interesting job.
"He just works hard and
takes care of all of us.
"He never shot things in Africa or
not saved anybody that was drowning.
"But that's all right with me, because
when I am sick, he brings me ice cream,
"and when I tell him things or
ask things, he always listens to me.
"And he will use up a whole Saturday
to make junk with me in the garage.
"He may not be interesting
to you or someone else,
because he's not
your father, just mine."
I don't know if it
sounds so good, Dad,
but it sure made me feel
good when I was writin' it.
I'm glad it did, Beaver.
It made me feel pretty
good to read it too.
Well, here. I don't think I
got any fingerprints on it.
Uh-uh. Those two
up there, they're mine.
Hey, Wally, I'm not making too
much noise for your homework, am I?
Nah.
Hey, Beave, how'd you make
out with your composition today?
Miss Landers gave me
a "B." I would've got an
"A," except I used too
many words I can't spell.
Hey, what'd that
creepy Judy get?
Well, she stood up
and started to read hers,
and then when she got
to the part where her father
shot 50 elephants,
Larry busted out laughin'.
- Yeah. Then what happened?
- Then everybody burst out laughin'.
And then Miss Landers sent
Larry to the principal's office,
and she made Judy
stay after school for lyin'.
You know, Beave, it's lucky you didn't
stick any crocodiles in there after all.
Yeah.
Well, boys, we sold the house. You
mean we can't even sleep in it tonight?
[Chuckles] Of course
we can, Beaver.
Sure. It'll take a month or more to
work all the details out and move, Beaver.
Hey, where we
gonna move to, Dad?
Remember that house we looked
at over on Lakewood Avenue?
You mean the one
that's got its own place to
eat breakfast? Uh-huh.
We made an offer on it.
And we're pretty sure
they're going to accept it.
Well, we just wanted to let you fellas
know. I've got some phone calls to make.
Boy, that's gonna
be neat, huh, Beave?
We're even gonna each
have our own bedroom.
Yeah, but I'm gonna kind
of miss this house though.
I wonder if the new people would
let me come back and visit it?
Well, gee, Beaver. Whoever
heard of visitin' a house?
Well, when you've lived
in a house all your life,
you get to know it better than
you get to know some people.
Yeah.