Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 3, Episode 1 - Blind Date Committee - full transcript

Starring...

and...

This is a real neat
breakfast, Mom.

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

Well, fellas, how are
things going at school?

All right, I guess.

Yesterday Angela
Valentine ate library paste.

Ate library paste?

Yeah, right out of the jar.

Hey, Beav, isn't
that Angela Valentine

the one that's always
showing the kids her extra toe?



Yeah, but everybody's
used to seeing that,

so now she eats library paste.

Well, that's one
way to get attention.

Miss Landers says

if she doesn't stop
eating library paste,

she's going to have
to go see the principal.

Anything new happening
at your school, Wally?

They're having a
dance Saturday night.

I'm on the dance committee.

Oh, well, fine. How
did that come about?

Duke Hathaway appointed me.

I don't believe I've heard
of Duke Hathaway before.

He's a senior.

Last year he was all-county
guard in basketball,



sort of a big wheel.

Anything that
happens around school,

Duke's almost
always ahead of it.

Who are you taking to the dance?

If you're on the committee,
you don't have to take anybody.

You just spend the whole evening

making the other
guys have a good time.

Was uh... Was that
the Duke's idea?

Yeah, he's got
everything all organized.

He even appointed two fellas

just to see that none of the
other guys throw sandwiches.

Well, what's your job?

The Duke's gonna tell me today.

He told me yesterday he
was too busy to talk to me.

Boy, when I get to high school,

I'm not going to any dances

even if they would let
me throw sandwiches.

Well, Beaver, one of these days

you'll change your mind
about girls the way Wally did.

Gee, Mom, I don't know if
mine's changed all the way.

There's an awful lot of girls
that still give me the creeps.

Just hang on to that feeling
as long as you can, son.

Hi.

Hi.

What's the matter?

Ward, that's not the same tie

you were wearing when
you left this morning.

Oh, no, I spilled something
on that one at lunch.

I put this on at the office.

Why do you keep an
extra tie at the office?

In case I spill
something at lunch.

Well, I don't like
the whole idea.

Next time you come
home with spots.

All right, dear.

- Where are the kids?
- Upstairs.

Oh, Wally found out what his
job is on the dance committee.

Oh, he finally got
to talk to the Duke.

Mm-hm. He's chairman of
the blind-date committee.

They get dates for girls
who have no escorts.

Hm, I don't imagine

that's the way the Prince of
Whales met Mrs. Simpson,

but at least it's
social progress.

- Hi, fellas.
- Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Well, Wally, I hear you're
chairman of the blind-date committee.

That's to get dates for girls

nobody wants to be seen with.

Well, I sure hope
you do a good job.

How many young ladies do
you have to find escorts for?

There was a whole big list,

but by the time Duke
Hathaway gave me the list,

there was only one left.

Oh, that should be
easy for you, then.

- Who's the girl?
- Jill Bartlett.

I bet she's a real ugly girl

with warts all
over and gray hair.

Oh, cut it out, Beav.

Well, what is she like?

I don't know.

She's a transfer from
Lynwood. I never noticed her.

Have you called anyone yet?

Well, gee, Dad, I
don't know how to do it.

I've never been a
committee before.

Well, the thing to do
is to call the girl first

and find out what she's like

and see if you can find
a fellow to fit in with her.

Yeah, okay. I'll
do it after supper.

Um, you're sure
this is how you do it.

There's nothing to
be nervous about.

Just go ahead and call her up.

Sure, just tell her who you are

and get a little line on her.

Hey, Dad, would you
tell Beaver to beat it?

He can't stop me from sitting in
my own living room, can he, Dad?

Uh, no, not if you're quiet.

Well, tell him not to listen.

- Don't listen.
- Yes, sir.

Is this the Bartlett residence?

May I speak to Jill, please?

She's in the bathtub?

Oh, no, no.

No, that's okay, Mrs. Bartlett.

I'll just leave a message
for when she's dry.

Uh, I'm Wally Cleaver
from high school,

and I'm chairman of
the blind-date committee,

and I'm trying to find her
a date for Saturday night,

and I'd kinda like to
know something about her.

Uh... how much does she weigh?

102?

Well, uh, does she like
fellows that weigh more

or weigh less than she does?

Oh.

Well, I guess I got
enough to go on.

If I can find somebody
that'll take her,

tell her I'll call her back.

Yeah... Yeah, I got
your number right here.

Um, well, bye.

How do you like that?

Her mom said she
was taking a bath.

What about it?

Heck, if a girl called up here,

you wouldn't tell her I was
taking a bath, would ya?

Well, with the number
of baths you take,

I don't think the
risk is very great.

Anyway, now that you
know a little about her,

the next thing to do is to
call up some of your friends

and try and line up a date.

Right now?

Well, sure.

Your mother and I

are just going to take these
coffee cups out to the kitchen.

- But, Ward, I...
- Come on, dear.

You know, Wally,
this is kinda fun,

like that time we were trying
to give those kittens away.

Yeah.

Hey, you know, I think
I'll call Eddie Haskell.

- He owes me a big favor.
- What did you do for Eddie?

I let him wear
my football letter

when he went away
to summer camp.

Nah.

I think I'll call Chester
Anderson first.

- How come you don't call Eddie?
- I don't know.

Eddie's the kind of guy

that as soon as you
ask him for a favor,

right away he's a wise guy.

Hello, Chester?

This is Wally.

Say, listen, do you have a date
for the dance Saturday night?

Oh, you haven't?

Well, Duke Hathaway appointed me
chairman of the blind-date committee,

and we got you
down for Jill Bartlett.

Huh?

Nah, she can't be that bad.

No, I haven't seen her.

She was taking a bath,

but her mother says she's okay.

What do you mean
her mother's prejudice?

Look, are you gonna
take her or not?

Okay, okay,

but just wait till you want a
favor from me and the Duke.

Just wait. That's all.

What's the matter, Wally?
Does Chester know her?

Yeah, kinda.

She's in his science class.

She doesn't talk to anybody.

She just sits there
and does her work.

Gee, most of the
girls in my class

are always talking.

This must be some
new kind of a girl.

Hey, you know, I
think I'll call Tooey.

I know he didn't have a date.

Gee, I'd hate to be a girl
and have to go with Tooey.

Hello, Tooey? This is Wally.

Hey, about the dance,

I'm chairman of the
blind-date committee and...

Huh.

Okay.

Yeah, okay, I'll see ya, Tooey.

What's the matter, Wally?

How do you like that Chester?

He just called up Tooey
and scared him off.

Hey, maybe I'll try
Lumpy Rutherford.

Nah, I wouldn't
do that to any girl.

You think we should go and
see how Wally's making out?

Oh, let's give him
another minute or two

and then we'll kind
of wander in casually.

I hope he gets someone.

You know, I can sympathize
with that Bartlett girl.

When I was her age, I
was sort of a wallflower, too.

You?

Uh-huh.

I didn't know what
to say to boys,

so I used to talk steadily

about music and
books and history,

everything they didn't
want to hear about.

You weren't exactly the
wallflower type when I met you.

Oh, by that time I'd learned the
subject matter men are most interested in.

Themselves.

But, Julius...

But, Julius, you don't
have to be able to dance.

You can just take
her and stand around.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Thanks, Julius.

He hasn't got rid of her yet.

Oh, Wally, come on now.
Don't be too discouraged.

My goodness, you have a few
more days before the dance.

Boy, I would get
stuck with this.

Why couldn't Duke have put me on
the sandwich-throwing committee?

So I told Mr. Howard
this morning,

"I don't mind chaperones,

but we don't want any owls."

So I said, "Mr. Howard,
remember the last dance we had..."

Oh, hi, Cleaver.

- I says, uh...
- Could I see you a minute, Duke?

Yeah, okay.

Excuse me, girls.

Well, what's up, boy?

It's about the
blind-date committee.

Oh, yeah. You're the
chairman, aren't you?

Yeah, I was, but...

Well, I think I ought
to kinda resign.

Resign?

Two days before the dance?

Oh, come on now, boy.

Gee, Duke, I'm not
getting anyplace.

Look, Cleaver,

frankly, I was against
having a sophomore

heading up any of my committees,

but somebody told
me you were reliable.

- But I am.
- Well, all right.

Let's get with it,
boy. Let's get with it.

Okay, Duke.

Didn't you tell your mom I
like chocolate cookies better?

She said she'd
get them next time.

- Hi, Wally.
- Hi, Larry.

- Want some milk, Wally?
- Nah.

What's the matter with
your brother, Beaver?

He's all messed up with girls.

He can't get a blind
date for one for a dance.

I know how it is.

My sister has trouble getting
dates for dances and stuff.

- How come?
- 'Cause she's homely.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

But my mother and father
are always hollering at her.

Does that do any good?

Well, if they holler enough,

she gets a cousin or
something to take her.

Hello, may I speak
to Jill Bartlett, please?

Oh...

I... I thought maybe
you were your mother.

Um, this is Wally
Cleaver, from high school.

No, I don't know ya,
but I was going to...

Uh, to look you
up today at school

except they said you were home.

Are you sick or something?

Oh... Oh, that's good.

Um...

I'm chairman of the
blind-date committee

for the dance Saturday night,

and I've got a date for ya,

well, that is, if you
want to go, that is.

I mean, you don't have
to go if you don't want to.

Yeah.

Well, I would like to ask you

if you would consider
going with me.

You would?

Well, fine.

There's just one thing.

I'm about 40 pounds
heavier than you are.

Is that okay?

Oh, good.

Well, then I'll see ya.

Bye.

Oh, hello, Eddie.

Good morning, Mrs. Cleaver.

Won't you come in?

Thank you, Mrs. Cleaver.

Gee, that's a very nice
sweater, Mrs. Cleaver.

Well, thank you, Eddie.

My mother has one
just like it that's imported.

That's nice.

The boys are upstairs
cleaning their room

if you'd like to go up.

Thank you, Mrs. Cleaver.

- Good morning, Mr. Cleaver.
- Morning, Eddie.

Gee, Mr. Cleaver, your
front lawn sure looks nice.

Thanks, Eddie.

Well, my front lawn looks nice.

And it isn't even imported.

Hey, Wally, are these dead bugs?

Nah. I think they're raisins.

Doesn't matter. I wasn't
gonna eat them anyway.

- Hi, men.
- Hi, Eddie.

Hello, Eddie.

We're just cleaning up our room.

I know. Your mother
told me she's making you.

Something funny, Eddie?

Yeah.

It must be real funny if
you're laughing at it, Eddie.

It's nothing.

I was just thinking about you
taking Jill Bartlett to the dance.

Well, what's wrong
with Jill Bartlett?

There must be something wrong

with a girl you couldn't unload
on anybody in the school.

Hey, Eddie, have
you ever seen her?

Sure.

I saw her in the hall with
a couple other gophers.

You mean she's
not so good-looking?

Oh, no, she's
good-looking, all right,

if you happen to like gophers.

Well... Well, it's my business
who I take to the dance.

Okay, okay.

Well I gotta be going home.

You wanna mess around, Wally?

Nah, I gotta finish
cleaning up the room.

Yeah, I know. Your mother
told me she's making you.

Eddie, you want some raisins?

Yeah.

What are you, a wise
guy or something?

Hey, Wally,

I know I'm your best
friend and everything,

but tonight at school,

don't ask me to dance
with any gophers.

Boy, that Eddie, he's
some kidder, huh.

You mean to say Wally
actually took his best suit

down to get it pressed
without being told to?

Yes, and he asked me to wash
and iron a white shirt for him.

Well, I guess our boy
has finally reached the age

where dirt is no longer the
sign of social acceptance.

Oh, Ward,

I told Wally to order a
corsage at the florist.

Good.

Beaver ate early, too, huh?

Yes, and then he went
off somewhere with Larry.

They were both
acting very mysterious.

Beaver, are you sure
this is the right house?

Sure I'm sure.

It says Bartlett on the mailbox.

But why does Wally want
you to look at this girl?

'Cause he's taking
her to the dance,

and he wants to know
what she looks like.

Oh.

A fellow once called me up

and asked me what
my sister looked like.

Did you tell him?

No.

She was sitting right there.

Oh.

Hey, I'm getting kinda hungry.

How long we gotta wait here?

Till she comes out.

Why don't we just go
up and ring the doorbell?

- We can't do that.
- Sure we can.

When she comes to the door,

we can pretend like we think

she has a little brother,

and could he come
out to play with us?

But what if she does
have a little brother?

Then we'll be stuck
to play with him.

Then we just look
at him and run.

Well... okay.

I hope her father doesn't come.

Me, too.

Hello, uh, are
you Jill Bartlett?

Why, yes.

Do you want something?

No, we just come to look at ya.

Thank you very much.

But look, Beaver, you saw her.

Can't you just describe her?

Well, uh, first of
all, she's a girl.

I know that.

But what color is her hair?

Is it blonde or brunette?

It's just kinda hair color.

Beaver, I've got to take
her to the dance tonight.

Now, is she homely?

Hm, no.

Is she pretty?

No.

Then what is she?

I guess mostly nothing.

Nothing?

Yeah, I saw her
only 15 minutes ago,

and now I can't remember
what she looks like.

Oh, boy.

Bet she is a gopher.

What are you gonna
do, Wally, get sick?

Beaver, I've got a
75-cent deposit on flowers.

I can't get sick.

Well, Wally, you
certainly do look nice.

- Doesn't he, Ward?
- Sure does.

Boy, I sure don't feel nice.

Just wish I didn't
have to go tonight.

Why would you say that?

'Cause Jill Bartlett's a gopher.

Wally, that's a
terrible thing to say.

Now, I'm sure
Jill's a very nice girl.

You're going to
have a good time.

And I want you to make sure
that she has a good time, too.

How can you tell if a
gopher's having a good time?

- That's enough, Beaver.
- Yes, sir.

I'm sure Wally's going to
behave like a perfect gentleman.

Well, I'm going to
get your corsage

out of the ice box.

I better go get the
car out of the garage.

Yeah, sure, Dad.
No use putting it off.

Look, Wally,

I think you did a very nice
thing in inviting this girl.

Now don't spoil it all
with the wrong attitude.

But, gee, Dad,

tonight at the dance all the
guys'll be giving me the business.

I'll betcha you never
got stuck like this.

Wally, are you kidding?

In college,

Maude Hageman, a
friend of my mother's.

I had to take her to a prom.

Was Maude Hageman a gopher, Dad?

Well, we used to call
them wet blankets,

but she was pretty bad, Wally.

Why, I even had to bribe my
fraternity brothers to dance with her.

You mean you paid them money?

I sure did,

so, you see, you shouldn't
feel too badly about tonight.

Yeah, sure, Dad.

I'll go get the car out.

Hey, Beav, you still got that
dollar you've been saving?

- Yeah.
- Let me have it, huh?

What for?

You already got two dollars.

Yeah, but I've got
a feeling that tonight

I'm gonna need all
the money I can get.

So my dad says, "State's
a good university all right,

but I'd rather see Duke play
for West Point or Annapolis.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Oh, that's all right.

Well, did you have a nice time?

Oh, yes, I danced
in almost every dance

except, I think there
was one or two.

Well, you see, some of
my friends didn't show up,

and anyway I wanted to bring you
over here for a soda afterwards...

And you were running out of money
to pay your friends to dance with me.

Gee, no, I...

I saw you, and, oh, it was
very considerate of you.

Oh, heck, no, no, it
was nothing like that.

You see, I just happen to
be paying those guys back

some dough that I borrowed
from them, from a while back.

You know, Jill,

I don't see anything
wrong with ya.

Don't you, Wally?

Well, no, you're kinda pretty,

and you're a real
good dancer, too.

Just the same, there has to
be something wrong with me.

Well, I don't know what it is.

I just don't know
how to talk to boys,

so I just don't say anything.

Well, that's okay with me.

You take some of the
other girls in school,

like, oh, Mary Ellen Rogers,

well, she's popular.

Yeah.

Yeah, for a popular
girl, she's pretty popular.

That's because she has a knack.

She knows how
to flatter the boys.

She can make them
talk about themselves

the way it says girls should
do in those teenage columns.

Well, what does
that junk matter?

Oh, it matters if you
want to be popular.

Who needs to be popular?

Well, girls do.

I do, but I just don't know how.

Heck you're not
dumb or anything.

You ought to be able
to catch on to that junk.

Yeah, I guess I ought to,

but, oh, I don't know.

If I were to say the
things Mary Ellen says,

they'd just sound silly.

Thanks for everything, Wally.

Oh, that's okay.

My dad's gonna pick us
up here in a couple minutes.

Wally,

I think you're the
nicest boy I ever met.

Me?

Nah, you're kidding.

Oh, no, I'm not.

- I don't know how to kid.
- Oh.

Wally, I'm not trying to be
like Mary Ellen or anything,

but I really wanna know
about things you're interested in.

You do? Really?

Yes, I really do.

Well, uh...

Well, I go out for
track, for one thing.

You see I'm kinda short,

so it messes me
up for basketball,

but last year I unofficially
tied the school record

for the 100-yard dash.

Oh, that's wonderful.
You tied the record?

Yeah, but like I
say, it was unofficial.

You see, they measured the
track, and it was a yard short.

If it had been a yard long,
they would've given it to me,

but seeing as how it was a yard
short, they couldn't, so they didn't.

Well, uh, that's the kind
of junk I'm interested in.

Hey, what are you doing awake?

Well, I just happen to be awake.

Did you spend the whole
three dollars at the dance?

No, I had 75 cents left
over to spend on sodas.

You mean some of the guys
danced with her for nothing?

Sure. She's not so bad.

Do you like her?

Well, yeah... yeah, I like her.

You don't love her, do ya?

No, I don't love her.

That's good

'cause I don't want
you running off

and getting married on me,

at least until baseball
season's over.

Oh, go to sleep, Beaver.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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