Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963): Season 1, Episode 28 - Next Door Indians - full transcript

Hey, what's that?
A book.

— What's it about?
— Fightin' and stuff.

Hey, Beave, you're not gonna give the guys
another one of those crazy stories, are ya?

They listened about the Indians,
didn't they? I'm gonna tell 'em one
about the War of1812.

Well, just don't have it happen
in our front yard.

Oh, no. I'm gonna let it happen
in South America.

[Announcer]
Leave It To Beaver.

5tarn'ng Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow...

and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.

[Wally]
So long, Mom.
[Door Closes]

[Footsteps On Stairs]
[Door Opens]



[Beaver]
So long, Mom.
[June] Bye.

[Door Closes]
[Groans]

Well, I hear the boys
got off for school all right.
What was the commotion this morning?

Beaver tried to hide
his tomato in the hall planter.
We finally got it back in his lunch box again.

Wally wear his jacket?
We compromised.
He carried it.

Oh. Well, that's progress.

Ward, what was
that huge book the Beaver had?
He said you gave it to him.

— Oh, it was a history of the Indian Wars.
— That's too advanced for him.

Well, he told me he wasn't
going to read the reading.
He's just going to read the pictures.

I'm sure he's not studying that in school.

Well, you know, actually,
there's a lot of reasons why he might
carry a book like that to school.

I remember when I was in the second grade,
I carried my father's unabridged dictionary
back and forth to school for a whole week.

What in the world for?
Well, I wanted to strengthen my right arm.
I was going out for pitcher.

And did it help?



Nope. By the time tryouts came,
my arm was so tired I couldn't lift it.

You know, maybe Beaver's getting interested
in history or something.

I wish he'd get interested in anything
besides Wally and those older boys.

You know those big boys.
They're awfully rough on him.

They're always pushing him
and shoving him around.

Oh, he doesn't mind
the pushing and shoving, June.

He's happy at his age that they pay
that much attention to him.

They were down in South America, see?
And my uncle dove down
in 65 feet of water...

with these two other skin divers—
right where the map said.
[Other Boys Approving]

And they found this big old Spanish
treasure ship, and there were these gold pieces
layin' all over the bottom of the ocean.

Gold pieces.
They call them "doubloons."

Tooey, will you
keep outta my story?

Anyway, there were these doubloons
all over the bottom of the ocean.

Two of the divers got hit by sharks.

— See, they swam in this cabin and—
— Did— Did your uncle get bit by sharks?

Heck, no.
He knows how to stare 'em down.

[Boys Laughing]

Anyway, they got over
a hundred thousand dollars'
worth of treasure.

A hundred thousand!
[Others Whistling, Approving]

Boy, I'd like to find
a treasure ship.
Yeah, me too.

This is almost as good as
that time the horse dropped dead
in front of your house.

Oh, I told you guys
about that, huh?

Yeah. Everything neat
happens to you.

You guys hear about
the Indian fight?

Indian fight?
What are you talkin' about,
you little squirt?

Well, the one that happened
around our house.

Are you kiddin'?
There haven't been any Indians around here
in a couple of hundred years.

Well, that's when it happened—
a couple of hundred years ago.

Hey, Wally, how come you never
mentioned no Indian fight?

Uh, well, I guess
I never heard about it before.

It happened right in front of our house.

Yeah, Beaver?
You're makin' this up.
You got no proof.

— Sure I have.
— What kinda proof?

Well, uh,

uh—

I found real arrowheads
right across the street
in the vacant lot.

No foolin'?

Ah, he's makin' this all up.

I am not.
I'll bet you any amount of money
you're makin' it up.

I'll bet you a million dollars.
You don't have
a million dollars.

All right.

I'll bet you a dollar and 50 cents.

Suppose you lose.
Who's gonna pay?

Wally's got money.
He'll pay.

Won't you, Wally?
Uh, well, yeah,
I guess so.

[Bell Rings]
[Eddie]
Come on, guys. Let's go.

Indian fights.
You guys ever hear a funnier story?
[Other Boys Mocking]

Hey, Beave, what'd you
have to go and make up
a crazy story like that for?

The guys always listen to Eddie
and the neat story he tells.

I thunk if I told one,
they'd listen to me too.

Yeah, but you had to go and make a bet—
with my money and everything.

All Eddie's stories happen in South America
or someplace where you can't prove 'em.

You had to go and have the Indians
fightin' right across from our house.

Hi, Dad.
Oh, Hi, Beave.

[Chuckles]
Here. Let me help you.

Did you like that book about Indians?
Yeah. I got a lot
of good junk out of it.

Here's another one
with some good pictures in it.

This is all about the War of 1812.

Is this the war where
you was a Seabee, Dad?

Well, no.
That was a little later on.

Thanks anyways.
[Chuckles]

[Sighs]

This looks like a real war.
There's ships fightin' and everything.
Mm—hmm.

Did it happen in South America?
Well, no.

That's okay.
I'll take it anyways.

[June]
Beaver, I thought you were
upstairs taking a bath?

— I wanna wait till Wally takes his
and use his water.
— You do no such thing.

Yes, Mom.
Thanks again for the book, Dad.
All right.

Hey, what's that?
A book.

— What's it about?
— Fightin' and stuff.

Hey, Beave, you're not gonna give the guys
another one of those crazy stories, are ya?

They listened about the Indians,
didn't they? I'm gonna tell 'em one
about the War of1812.

Well, just don't have it happen
in our front yard.

Oh, no. I'm gonna let it happen
in South America.

Boy, if Eddie asks you to prove
that Indian story, I'm gonna be out
a whole dollar and a half.

He won't. He'll probably
forget about it by tomorrow.

[Door Opens]

— Oh, Wally, you're wanted
on the phone.
— Oh, thanks, Dad.

You can take it out in the hall

Well, Beave, how are you comin'
with the War of] 81 2?

It was a real neat war, Dad.

Look here on the warship.
There's a man stuffing a mop in a cannon.

Now that's Old Ironsides, Beave.
Now look over here.

You see, this other ship's had
all the masts shot off of it.

Oh. I thunk that flat one
was an aircraft carrier.

You know, Beave, uh,you might
try reading some of this.

Well, it couldn't hurt you.

Good night, Son.

Oh, excuse me.
Oh, that's okay, Dad.

— Boy, are you in trouble.
— What is I done?

Well, you had to go and bet Eddie and the guys
about Indians fightin' across the street—

you findin' Indian arrowheads
and bullets and stuff.

Do you know what they’re
gonna do tomorrow?
What?

Well, they're comin' over here
with rakes and shovels and stuff...
and start diggin' across the street.

I never thunk this would happen.

You should've thought of that
in the first place.

What's so interesting
out there?
Wally and the Beaver.

They're burying something out
in that vacant lot across the street.

Oh. Well, maybe something died,
and they're giving it a funeral.

No, I don't think so.
All the turtles and goldfish
are present and accounted for.

Well, something's up.
Here comes Eddie
and Chester and Tooey.

Oh, I wish I knew
what they were burying.

They went out of here
so secretive.

Well, I'll get your bacon and eggs.

[Beaver Whistling]
Hi,Wally. Hi, Beave.

Oh, hi, guys.
Hi, guys.

What are you guys doin'—
diggin' before we got here?

Uh, no. We're just
messin' around.

— Hey, what's the box for?
_ Um—

Well, if we find any arrowheads or stuff,
we can put 'em in the box.

Who are you kiddin'?
We're not gonna find anything.

This little squirt
made the whole thing up
about Indians.

I did not. I betcha can't hardly
dig anyplace around here
without findin' somethin'.

Ah, this is a goofy idea,
tryin' to prove
your crazy bet, Eddie.

Well, the movies don't open till 12:30.
We might as well dig a little.
Yeah, let's go ahead and dig.

Hey! I—I found somethin'!

Hey, what is it, huh?
What is it? What is it?

Ah, it's just an old rusty tin can.

Maybe the Indians was eatin' tomatoes
after they killed everybody.

[Laughs]
Eatin' tomatoes.
Come on. Let's get this diggin' over with.

I wanna get that buck and a half
so I can go to the movies.
Yeah. Come on.

[Can Clatters]

Eddie, I still think
you oughta dig right here.

Ah, dry up!

Hey, look!
I found somethin'.

Hey, it's a real Indian arrowhead.
It's flint, all right.

I guess it Is a real arrowhead.

Hey, Wally, this looks like
the arrowhead you had
up in your room—

the one your uncle
sent you from Arizona.

Uh, w—well,you know how it is, Eddie.
One arrowhead looks like another.

Ah, dry up, Eddie.
Let's keep diggin'.

Hey, look! A busted arrow.
[Tooey] Where?
There.

Let me see it.
Hey, that oughta prove
there were Indians here.

We'll take our dollar
and a half now.

Wait a minute.
Where's the other half
of the arrow?

Uh, well, maybe it's still
in the guy they shot.

Yeah. Let's keep diggin'.
We might find a real live skeleton.

[Chester And Tooey Chattering]

Hey, what's this on here?
Looks like printin'.

"J-A-P-A-N."

I'll tell you one thing:
I never heard of no Japanese Indians.

W—Well, it's a real arrow.

I think you guys
planted this stuff here
before we came.

Come on.
Hand over the dough.
[Tooey]
Hey, you guys, come here!

[Eddie] Whatcha do—
find some more phony junk?
Whatcha find?

[Chester]
Look at the way it's shinin'.
Looks like jewels.

Hey, Beaver, is this some more
of your phony junk?

Heck no. We didn't bury nothin'
on this side of the lot.

Hey, you know somethin', guys?
I think we've found somethin' valuable here.

What do you mean, "we"?

This is our lot.
If we find anything here,
it belongs to me and the Beaver.

Well, I'm the one
who dug it up.
Hey, let's not start hollerin'.

We don't want
the whole neighborhood
in on this.

You know, guys, on account
of Beaver and his crazy stories,
[Breathing Loudly]

we might all end up
bein' millionaires.

Checking on
the neighbors again?

[Both Chuckle]

I thought the boys
were up here.
Uh—uh.

Well, they've deserted the vacant lot.
They went into the garage
a while ago with a box.

Looked like it was filled with dirt.
Ward, what would they do
with a box full of dirt?

Well, June, the possibilities of dirt
are practically unlimited.

I think you oughta go out there
and see what they're up to.
Well, June, I can't do that.

Unless your kids are tearing something
down or burning something up
or being unkind to old ladies,

you have to leave 'em alone.

That's the unwritten law.

[Clacking]

Boy! Look at the size of this one.

This must be worth
a thousand bucks by itself.

I saw a movie once.

These guys pried a stone just like this
outta this great big idol's eye.

All they guys died 'cause
it had a curse on it.

I hope nobody's been cursin' around here.

Hey, I saw that picture, Eddie.

It happened in Egypt.
Those kinda curses aren't allowed
to work on Americans.

Where do you suppose
these valuable stones come from?

Like all kinds of rocks—
the glaciers brought 'em.

Are the glaciers like the Egyptians?

Oh, why don't you
pipe down, Beaver.

I wish Tooey would
hurry up and get back
with his father's book about rocks.

Me too. I'd like to figure out
whether these are emeralds
or rubies.

Hi, fellas.
Hey, shut the door, will ya?

Did you find out
what they is?

Yeah. Here's a picture.
They're garnets.
Yeah, I guess they are.

Hey, what are garnets?
Are they valuable?

Are they valuable?
They use 'em in jewels.

[Quietly]
Oh, boy.
It says, in India they even
sell 'em for rubies.

[Quietly]
Rubies.
Wow.

Hey, and we got
a whole vacant lot
full of 'em.

Gee, they must be worth
A jillion dollars a pound.

Boy, we'll be richer'n any kid
in the whole world—even Sal Mineo.

You know
what I'm gonna do
with my share?

Well, first I'm gonna buy
a sporting goods store,

and then I think I'll buy
an amusement park, so I'll have
somethin' to do in the summer.

I'm gonna buy the biggest
automobile in the world,
with red leather upholstery.

Are you kiddin', Tooey?
You can't drive.

So what? I'll park it out in front
and sit in it till I'm old enough.

I'm gonna go to the dentist and have him
make me up a big gold tooth,

just like my Uncle Frank has.

Beaver, your teeth are okay.
You don't need a gold tooth.

I know, but I always wanted one.

When you have a gold tooth,
you've got somethin' that
every other kid doesn't have.

[Other Boys Affirming]
Can you see me with one?

I might buy one too.
Whatcha gonna do
with your money, Eddie?

Well, first I'm gonna buy a big house
and get my father to quit his job.
Hey, that's pretty good.

Then I'm gonna put my old man
on an allowance.

If he wants cigars or wants
to go to the movies or anything,
he's gonna have to come to me.

[Quietly]
Hey, that's pretty good.
Eddie, you're practically a genius.

Hey, after we divvy 'em up,
let's not anybody say anything
to anybody.

[Quietly]
Yeah.
Well, let's divvy 'em up.

Now remember, everybody
keep their mouths shut—

especially you, Beaver,
you little squirt.

You can't keep
a secret.
You cut that out, Eddie.

If it wasn't for Beaver,
we never would have gotten
these garnets and gotten rich.

You know, that's right,
isn't it? You know,
you're all right, Beaver.

Well, hi, dear.
What are you doin' in there?

I'm putting a new bulb
in the refrigerator.

I can't have you groping
around in the dark.

There. That's that.
Don't thank me, dear.
Just remember me at Christmas.

Well, I gotta get
some paperwork done.
Dear, this new bulb's too bright.

Well, just wear your sunglasses
when you open the door, dear.

You better get this stuff back
in the refrigerator before it spoils.

Hi, Mom.
Hi, Beave.

I come in to get a drink.
Well, I'll give you a glass of milk—
that is, if I can find it.

Ha! Here we are.

Where's Wally
and the other boys?
They went to get a soda.

Beaver, what'd you do
with that box of dirt
you had out in the garage?

It ain't dirt anymore, Mom.

We poured it in a bucket of water.
Oh. Well, I'm glad to hear it.

The big guys
like me now, Mom.
Oh, that's nice.

They even asked me
to have a soda with them,
but I think I'd hang around here.

Me and Wally and the big guys
got a secret.

That's nice.

— We're not allowed to tell what it is.
— Well, of course not.

That's what makes it a secret.

Aren't you gonna ask
me what it is?
Uh—uh.

I bet if Dad were here,
he'd ask me what it is.

Beaver, if the boys asked you
to keep a secret, I don't think
anyone should try to get it out of you.

But gee, Mom, it doesn't hardly
seem like a real secret unless
somebody wants to know what it is.

June, have you seen
any pencils?

Oh, hi, Beave.
Hi, Dad.
Are you real busy?

Well,yeah, as a matter of fact, I am, Beaver.
I've got an awful lot of work to do.

Oh. Well, I guess
I'll go get a soda too.

He's got a big secret and he's
just busting to tell someone.
Well, did you ask him what it was?

Well, of course not, dear.

Unless they're tearing down
buildings or burning up
old ladies, we just don't pry.

Unwritten law.

Mm. Hi, Beaver.
Hi, Gus.

Whatcha doin' there?
Oh, sprayin' the plants
to get rid of the bugs.

Funny thing, Beaver.
The bugs eat the plants,
and the birds eat the bugs.

[Pumping Continues]
Who eats the birds?
Bigger birds.

Don't hardly seem fair.
Well, that's the way it is, Beaver.

It seems like everybody has gotta have
somebody else to jump on.

— Say, Gus—
— Yeah, Beaver.

Showin' a secret ain't the same
as tellin' a secret, is it?

[Pumping Stops]
Well, I guess not exactly.

Me and the big guys
found a garnet mind...

right across the street
in the vacant lot.

Well, those are sure
honest—to—goodness
garnets, all right.

We're gonna sell 'em
to a jeweler and get rich.

Tooey's gonna buy a big car,
and Wally's gonna buy an amusement park,

and we're all gonna be jillionaires,
and the big guys like me now
'cause I'm the one who done it.

Well, I'll tell ya, Beaver.
That sounds mighty nice,

but there's people in the world
that's gotta tell other people bad news,

just like there's birds
that eat other birds.

I don't know what you mean, Gus.

Well, I mean, these ain't the kind
Of garnets you sell to a jeweler.

These are the kind they grind up
to make sandpaper.

You mean, they ain't worth nuttin'?

Not unless you was to have
a whole carload of 'em.
Too bad, Beaver.

[Rock Clatters]

I sure'd have liked to have
that gold tooth.

I guess Wally and the boys'll be kind of
disappointed when you tell 'em, huh?

Yeah, but I think I'll wait till tomorrow.

At least that way I'll be a big guy
for a whole nother day.

Don't tell me you're through
with the War of1812 already?
Yeah. I'm not gonna use it anymore.

I was just gettin' stories
from the pictures.
Stories for school?

No. Eddie Haskell told stories
and the big guys listened to him,

so I told a story so they'd think
I was a big guy too.

Oh. I see.

I guess you wanna
be one of the big guys
pretty bad, huh, Beaver?

I sure do.

Well, I can understand that.
I went through the same thing myself.

But I'll tell you something, Beaver,

if you're gonna be a big guy,

you've got to be a real,
honest—to—goodness big guy.

See, if you lie,

then you wind up just being
a make—believe big guy.

And I'm sure that's not what you want.

Yeah, I guess so. I guess that's
Why I told the guys the garnets
weren't no good today.

You found a garnet?
Yeah. We dug 'em up.

We thunk we was all rich,
but they was the kind
you made sandpaper out of.

Oh.
Good night, Dad.

Good night, Beave.

Good night, Mom.
Good night, Beaver.

Sounds like the Beaver
had quite a day.

Well, you know, June, when you
come right down to it, sometimes
it's pretty tough being a kid.

I just heard a little bit
of what you said to him.

You know,
sometimes it's kinda tough
being an adult too.

Hey, Wally—
Yeah, Beave?

You think the guys'll
be mad at me for long?

Nah. They'll probably
forget about it by tomorrow.

But all you guys were
gonna do those big things
when we sold the garnets.

Eddie was gonna buy
a house and everything.

Yeah, but we were just talkin'.

Even when we believed it, I don't think
we really thought it would happen.

But gee, Wally, guys do
find mines and jewels...

and get to be millionaires
and everything.

Yeah, but that only happens
to famous people. Nothin' that good
could ever happen to kids.

I guess so.
Good night, Wally.
Good night, Beave.