Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983): Season 2, Episode 2 - Angels of Mercy - full transcript
Shirley talks Laverne into volunteering with her at the hospital.
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne & Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
Thanks for fixing
the drain, Pop.
Ahh, Muffin, I love you.
But you and Shirley
just don't know how
to run an apartment.
Yes, we do, Pop.
We just have our
own little ways.
What is that?
Oh, the light went
out in the refrigerator,
so we replaced it with
the only one we got.
It's a 300-watter.
What are you trying to do?
Get the food to confess?
I like it. It's cheery.
Here, have an apple.
And believe me, Pop,
I'm doing fine on my own.
I'm going home now
'cause I got a sunstroke
from the icebox.
Laverne, look
what I stole from...
got as a gift from the hospital.
Hi, Mr. DeFazio, how goes it?
Oh, I'm sorry to hear it.
What's with the uniform?
Oh.
I'm a volunteer nurse,
weekends and Wednesday nights.
Hey, I'll get sick
next Wednesday.
You do that.
Did you get me a towel?
No, I'll get you
one tomorrow night.
I'm dying for an orange drink.
You want something? Yeah.
Get me a milk and Pepsi.
So, how was your day
at the hospital,
Miss Nightingale?
Oh, not bad, not bad.
Of course the hospital is a
depressing place, you know.
Lots of sick ones down there.
Yeah, I've heard that.
It's not too late, Laverne.
You can join the
late starters program
and dedicate your
life to helping others.
Aw, who are you kidding?
You're not helping nobody.
You're just there to
meet single male doctors.
And I am meeting scads of them.
You're meeting scabs?
Scads!
Scads, with a D!
You ever read a book?
Yeah, I read a book.
Scabs of them.
I guarantee you
that by the next AMA convention,
I will be Mrs. Dr. Feeney.
Salud.
Ow!
Mrs. Dr. Feeney...
wise up, those are
the big leagues, Shirl.
No doctor is going to
be interested in you.
Bite your lip, Laverne.
I am meeting many
doctors down there,
and believe you me,
they are interested.
Just today,
I had a very cheery
little discussion
with Dr. Ryan, the
Head of Brain Surgery.
He was coming out of the OR...
That's hospital talk
for "Operating Room"...
And I, uh, sauntered
on up to him
and I said, "Hi,
there, steady hands.
Read any good x-rays lately?"
Then I give him one of these.
That's right, the old dimple.
I'm telling you, Verny,
I had to scrape that
man's eyes off my cheek.
All right, all right,
so say a doctor would
be interested in you.
But for what?
Just some cheap
thrills, a little vo-de-oh-do
and a quick roll on
the old operating...
No!
Yes. No, no.
No, no, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
It would never lead to marriage.
And what doctor
in his right mind
would want to marry
a bottle capper?
With a dimple.
With a dimple, without a dimple.
Well, at least, at least I
shoot for the moon, Laverne.
I mean it's better than dating
guys off the loading dock.
They're fun.
They let me ride the forklift.
Ow, ow! They let
any... Ow, ow. All right.
All right.
All right, calm down.
We're gonna lay you
down and elevate your feet.
I'm all right here.
I'll be the judge of that.
I'm the one who's trained...
Whose laundry is this?
What laundry?
This laundry.
Mine.
Yours?
Since when do you
wear boxer shorts
with horses on
them? Give me that.
Whoa, boy, easy... easy, boy.
Whose is it, Laverne?
Jerry's.
Upstairs Jerry Callahan?
He wears boxer shorts
with pictures of
horsies on them?
How'd you like a punch
right in the mouth?
How'd you like five
straight up your nostril?
Oh, yeah? How'd you like
a bigger dimple, shorty?
Pretty hot around the
collar, aren't you, Laverne?
Well, I don't like
you poking fun at me.
I'm not poking fun at you.
I think this is great.
Has he asked you out yet?
He almost did, down
by the incinerator.
Great, great!
Three hours I waited for
him there, holding garbage.
That is fabulous!
Great!
You're doing his laundry.
You're hanging out by
the garbage with him...
Yeah?
And yet he hasn't
asked you out yet.
A little slow off
the mark, isn't he?
Well, he's a
writer, a novelist...
Yeah, so?
Well, his mind, he's got
a lot of things on his mind.
You know, Shirl,
he's really deep.
He had a poem published
in Reader's Digest.
None of it rhymed.
Hello, Laverne?
It's Jerry. Don't open it!
What am I gonna
do? How do I look?
I look terrible! What do I do?
All right, take your
scarf off your head. Ohh.
Calm down, put it around
your neck. That's good...
My hair, how does my hair look?
Just fluff it up. Just
fluff it up a little.
No, that's spray starch!
What do I do?
Please! We're naked!
Take the apron off,
okay. The apron...
Oh, look, I got a big spot.
Turn the sweater around. Okay.
Turn the sweater around.
What about my makeup?
Your makeup.
Ow! Ow!
No, that hurts.
That hurts, Shirl.
Okay.
You got it? Think that's okay?
Yeah. Great, great.
Okay? Strike a seductive pose.
Seductive.
Good.
Mwah! Perfect.
Open the door and get lost.
Right.
Who is it?
It's Jerry Callahan.
Well, well, Jerry
Callahan, what a surprise.
Hi, Shirley.
Hi, Laverne.
Hi, Jerry. Hi.
I'm almost finished
here with your laundry.
Oh, yeah, I really wanna
thank you for that, too.
I see you got a limp
going for yourself there.
Oh, yeah, it's my knee.
It's an old high
school football injury.
It acts up now and then.
Today is the worst.
Aww... you got an owie, huh?
No, it's okay.
The pain usually goes
away in a couple of days.
Yeah, well, you really ought
to take your weight off of it.
Here, let me help
you over to the couch.
Take a few steps. There we go.
Okay. Just sit
yourself down there.
Thanks.
This is all swelled
up here. Yeah.
Aww.
Does it hurt to
bend it? A little.
Aww.
Now, you tell me when it hurts.
Okay.
Hey!
Aww.
You really ought to have
that thing operated on.
Yeah, I know. that's
what my doctor says, but...
You ought to come
to our hospital.
We do real good
work. Quick, too.
Cut, snip, tie, good-bye.
I made a little
rhyme there, didn't I?
Yeah. No, no.
Maybe you're right, Shirley.
I tell you what.
I'll think about it.
Good, good.
Our doors are always...
Well, I have to be leaving now.
I have to go into
the bedroom to drink.
Does she drink?
Uh, she's off duty now.
Oh.
I even ironed your jammies.
Oh, Laverne, you
didn't have to do that.
Oh, sure I did.
I couldn't have you sleeping
on no wrinkled bunnies here.
Aww.
Laverne, you're
one in a million.
Nah.
Yeah?
Yeah, really.
To help me out like that?
You're incredible.
Nah.
Oh, you really should
take it easy on that, though.
Yeah, I know, I think
maybe you're right.
Listen... are you
busy this weekend?
Which part?
All of it.
What did you have in mind?
Well, I was thinking
maybe, if you're free...
Yeah?
Could you feed my fish?
Huh?
I think Shirley's right.
I better get this knee
operated on this weekend,
so, could you feed my fish
and take care of
'em while I'm gone?
Sure, sure, you bet.
I'll do it. Aw, great.
Thanks, Laverne. Fish.
Um, uh, do you want
me to do their laundry
while I'm at it, too?
Oh, you're a riot,
Laverne. Yeah,
I'm a riot. Hey, Shirley? What?
I'm gonna take your advice.
I'll see you at the hospital.
Oh, great. You won't regret it.
Okay.
Bye. Bye.
Can you believe that?
What does he
think I am, his slave?
Feed his fish.
Do this. Do that...
Oh, Laverne? Hi, cutie.
Hey, listen, listen,
I'll come down
and get my laundry in
about an hour, okay?
Oh, don't be silly. I'll
bring it up. Oh, good.
Then you can show
me how to feed your fish.
Okay, thanks.
See you later. Bye.
See how he takes
advantage of me?
Aw, what's the use?
He's too cute to like
someone like me.
Oh, I hate it when
you say stuff like that.
I hate to have to
say things like that.
Listen, Laverne, cheer up.
There's better fish in the sea.
I mean, there's better guys.
Handsome, rich guys with class.
Hello.
Hey, we heard Laverne was
doing everybody's laundry
so here we are.
Yeah, have this ready by...
have this ready by 12:00,
and no starch in the underwear.
Uh, hold it. Hold it,
I ain't doing
everybody's laundry.
What?
Well, then, who
do these belong to?
Trigger?
All right, all right,
I'll handle this.
Listen.
Laverne just happens
to be doing Jerry a
little favor, that's all.
Aw, Jerry, yeah, 'cause
she's sweet on Jerry,
that's why. Ha, ha.
That's for her to know
and you to find out.
Aw, she's sweet
on him. I can tell.
That's for sure, yeah.
What are you gonna do
next? Give him a bath?
Hold it. That's it.
Get out of here!
Go on!
And take this with you.
Hey, watch it. I got
my swim fins in there.
Yeah, I got my formal wear.
Hey, you wanna break
my confirmation shirt?
What are we gonna do now?
Well, gee, as long
as we're all packed,
let's go to Chicago.
Get out of here.
Great, just great.
Now the whole building
knows I got a crush on Jerry.
The whole building's always
known you had a crush on Jerry.
Yeah?
Yeah, that's yesterday's paper.
Well, I don't care. I like him.
Listen, Laverne.
You wanna get this guy? Yeah.
Then you go out and get him.
Yeah, you're right.
I'll see you later.
Not that way.
Well, how, what way?
All right, all right.
Now.
Jerry's gonna be in the hospital
for I'd say, oh,
two, three days.
Now, if you were to volunteer,
you could be his
angel of mercy...
Again with the nursing, right?
Listen.
Picture this.
Jerry is about to be
wheeled into surgery.
He's trembling, scared...
Your adoring face is
the last thing he sees
before losing consciousness.
Yeah.
Hours later, in his
lonely hospital room,
he awakens to see
your concerned face.
He looks at you with eyes
that could melt the
inside of an Oreo...
He reaches out for you...
He touches you...
He grabs you...
He plants one right
on your kisser...
Okay, okay, I'll do it.
Where do I get one
of those pink things?
At the hospital.
Uh, do I have to
give anybody a bath?
Yeah, and is it great.
Yeah.
Thirsty? Here's some watey...
Laverne! Laverne!
You got to help me.
It's Jerry. Is he in surgery?
No, no, not yet.
I've got a big problem.
Get in here. What?
What happened?
You know how you're supposed
to collect all the
patients' false teeth
to have them cleaned?
Yeah? Well, I did that.
Only I forgot to tag them.
I got a tray full of
unmarked teeth!
Oh, how could you do that?
I was about to tag them
when Dr. Randall came
by and said hi to me
and I got so flustered I...
So you stopped to flirt.
What am I going to
do with these teeth?
Okay, okay, just a second.
Okay.
Put a set in each person's glass
and let the patients
fight it out for themselves.
It's 12:00.
It's their lunchtime.
Well, I better go see Jerry.
Slow down, young lady.
Oh, I got a friend
going into surgery,
my friend Jerry, I got
to go down and see him.
I want you to strip
Mr. McKinley's bed.
Is he dead?
He just had his tonsils out.
Now strip his bed.
I'll be back later to make it.
But...
Tonsils, huh?
Boy, are you going
to get ice cream.
Mr. McKinley, Mr. McKinley.
You got to get up. I
got to strip your bed.
Mr. Mc... Okay.
Easy... easy... Pretty good.
Okay.
Whoosh!
Uh... Corners.
Got little hospital
corners here.
They're called that
'cause you're in a hospital.
Okay, nothing up
my sleeves here.
One... two... three.
What am I doing down here?
Come on, Mr. McKinley.
Give me a little help here.
Oh, okay.
Oh!
The nurse did it.
I didn't do it. I had
nothing to do with it.
Um, okay...
Oh, Mr. McKinley, Mr. McKinley!
Kitchy, kitchy!
Oh, my "L."
Okay.
Aw!
Uh...
Okay, do it this way.
One, two, three,
Get up there, big boy.
Oh, okay, Mr. McKinley.
They weren't his...
Mr. McKinley... Oh...
Shirley, Shirley,
come back in here!
Laverne, what are
you doing down there?
Will you help me?
Will you help me get him off me?
How can I...?
Just pull up. Pull him up.
Pull him harder up.
Harder. Pull him harder up.
Up harder.
There you go. There you go!
I got him! I got him!
Come on around
here and get the sheet.
Come around here
and get the sheet.
Get the sheet?! I can't
get up! Get the sheet!
Give me your hand.
Give me your hand.
Come on.
Come on. Get up here.
Now, pull.
Ow!
Pull the sheet out.
Okay.
We did it!
Jerry? Uh-huh?
Jerry? Uh-huh?
Jerry, remember me?
Laverne.
You remembered!
He remembered.
Thanks for being
with me, Laverne.
It means a lot to me.
Oh, it means a
lot to me, too, Jer.
I wanted this to be
the last face you saw.
What? What?!
Before you wake up, I mean.
Don't worry. I'll be right
by your side... by your head.
I'm coming around...
Laverne. Laverne!
Laverne! I'm here, Jer.
No, no, over here, over here.
Come with me. Come with
me. They fixed his knee.
That's real nice. Come
with me. Come on.
Where are you going? I have got
two of the cutest doctors you
ever want to see in your life
in a supply closet
right around the corner.
Come on. Let's go.
No, no, I want to
stay here with him.
What am I gonna do
with Dr. Throckmorton?
Who's he? He's your
date; Dr. Randall's mine.
Well, I want to be here
when Jerry wakes up.
Look... is this adoring
enough? Fine, fine.
Look, Laverne, he could be
asleep there for hours, you know?
Come on, trust me. Please,
please. No, I can't take that chance!
Laverne, I want to talk
to Dr. Randall alone!
What am I gonna do
with Dr. Throckmorton?
You'll think of
something. Don't worry.
I've got it.
Laverne?
Laverne?
Jerry, I'm here, Jer.
Laverne? Yeah?
Don't try to talk. The
operation's over, and you're fine.
Laverne, there's
something I want to ask you.
Yeah?
How are my fish?
What? My fishies.
My little guppies. My fish.
Guppies?
That's it?
Want to know what you
could do with your fish, Jerry?
Don't ask.
What happened?
I got rid of Dr. Throckmorton
by telling him his
car was on fire.
Then I met Dr. Randall at
the supply closet on schedule.
He grabbed me.
After he slapped an
ether mask over my face,
he went for my dress.
Mm-mm. Luckily, I
wrestled him to the ground.
Turned the ether mask on him.
He's down there sleeping it off
right now between the
cotton balls and the Phisohex.
Boy, I thought doctors were
all bored with the human body.
Well... I didn't
do too hot, either.
Jerry woke up and wanted
to know if his fish were safe.
Aw.
He cares more about his
guppies than he does me.
Oh, I'm sorry, Laverne. Well...
I ain't never gonna
get no place with him.
I suppose not.
And you ain't never
gonna marry no doctor.
Wrong. I will marry a doctor.
What are you, crazy?
I mean, look at us, Shirl!
Would you just look at us?
We went out there. We
rented uniforms, right?
We emptied bedpans...
A disgusting job.
And-and upstairs,
that Mr. McFatso
who rolled all over me!
A-And then... and then you
with that bucket of false teeth!
And for what? For what?
Heartaches and
a face full of ether.
I mean, come on,
and there you are
still walking down
the aisle with a doctor!
Doesn't your balloon ever land?
You keep your hands
off my balloon, Laverne.
It lands.
It may land in the wrong
place sometimes, but it lands.
And I will marry a doctor,
or a lawyer or some
other professional man.
Even if he's a veterinarian.
You know why?
'Cause I don't quit!
'Cause I'm no
quitter. That's why.
I don't quit, either.
That's the spirit.
Trust me, Laverne...
our day'll come.
That's all we get is a day?
Dear Diary, tomorrow
I turn in my uniform.
Had to quit.
It was too much
being volunteer nurse
and working at brewery, too.
Hmm.
Yesterday, fell asleep
leaning on conveyor belt.
Almost became part of
shipment to Sheboygan.
Watch your step there.
I'm glad we had this
little talk, Laverne.
Yeah. Lucky we both had garbage.
I can see why you might not want to
do my laundry anymore. You're not mad?
No, uh-uh.
Laverne, would you like to go to
a movie with me Saturday night?
I think I'm free then.
Good. Thanks for being
with me at the hospital too.
Eh. Thanks for walking
me home from the garbage.
Good night, Laverne.
Good night.
Oh...
Hi, Laverne.
Were you here?
Oh, boy, isn't life weird?
I mean, you went
to the hospital first
to get a date with a doctor, and
I ended up getting a date! Yeah!
Do you want a drink? Uh,
okay, I'll have an orange.
Okay.
Dear Diary, Laverne is starting
to get on my nerves.
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated. ♪
We're gonna do it! ♪
♪ Give us any
chance, we'll take it ♪
♪ Read us any
rule, we'll break it ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ Nothin's gonna
turn us back now ♪
♪ Straight ahead
and on the track now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
our dreams come true ♪
♪ Doin' it our way ♪
♪ There is nothing
we won't try ♪
♪ Never heard the
word "impossible" ♪
♪ This time there's
no stopping us ♪
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪
Laverne & Shirley is filmed
before a studio audience.
Thanks for fixing
the drain, Pop.
Ahh, Muffin, I love you.
But you and Shirley
just don't know how
to run an apartment.
Yes, we do, Pop.
We just have our
own little ways.
What is that?
Oh, the light went
out in the refrigerator,
so we replaced it with
the only one we got.
It's a 300-watter.
What are you trying to do?
Get the food to confess?
I like it. It's cheery.
Here, have an apple.
And believe me, Pop,
I'm doing fine on my own.
I'm going home now
'cause I got a sunstroke
from the icebox.
Laverne, look
what I stole from...
got as a gift from the hospital.
Hi, Mr. DeFazio, how goes it?
Oh, I'm sorry to hear it.
What's with the uniform?
Oh.
I'm a volunteer nurse,
weekends and Wednesday nights.
Hey, I'll get sick
next Wednesday.
You do that.
Did you get me a towel?
No, I'll get you
one tomorrow night.
I'm dying for an orange drink.
You want something? Yeah.
Get me a milk and Pepsi.
So, how was your day
at the hospital,
Miss Nightingale?
Oh, not bad, not bad.
Of course the hospital is a
depressing place, you know.
Lots of sick ones down there.
Yeah, I've heard that.
It's not too late, Laverne.
You can join the
late starters program
and dedicate your
life to helping others.
Aw, who are you kidding?
You're not helping nobody.
You're just there to
meet single male doctors.
And I am meeting scads of them.
You're meeting scabs?
Scads!
Scads, with a D!
You ever read a book?
Yeah, I read a book.
Scabs of them.
I guarantee you
that by the next AMA convention,
I will be Mrs. Dr. Feeney.
Salud.
Ow!
Mrs. Dr. Feeney...
wise up, those are
the big leagues, Shirl.
No doctor is going to
be interested in you.
Bite your lip, Laverne.
I am meeting many
doctors down there,
and believe you me,
they are interested.
Just today,
I had a very cheery
little discussion
with Dr. Ryan, the
Head of Brain Surgery.
He was coming out of the OR...
That's hospital talk
for "Operating Room"...
And I, uh, sauntered
on up to him
and I said, "Hi,
there, steady hands.
Read any good x-rays lately?"
Then I give him one of these.
That's right, the old dimple.
I'm telling you, Verny,
I had to scrape that
man's eyes off my cheek.
All right, all right,
so say a doctor would
be interested in you.
But for what?
Just some cheap
thrills, a little vo-de-oh-do
and a quick roll on
the old operating...
No!
Yes. No, no.
No, no, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
It would never lead to marriage.
And what doctor
in his right mind
would want to marry
a bottle capper?
With a dimple.
With a dimple, without a dimple.
Well, at least, at least I
shoot for the moon, Laverne.
I mean it's better than dating
guys off the loading dock.
They're fun.
They let me ride the forklift.
Ow, ow! They let
any... Ow, ow. All right.
All right.
All right, calm down.
We're gonna lay you
down and elevate your feet.
I'm all right here.
I'll be the judge of that.
I'm the one who's trained...
Whose laundry is this?
What laundry?
This laundry.
Mine.
Yours?
Since when do you
wear boxer shorts
with horses on
them? Give me that.
Whoa, boy, easy... easy, boy.
Whose is it, Laverne?
Jerry's.
Upstairs Jerry Callahan?
He wears boxer shorts
with pictures of
horsies on them?
How'd you like a punch
right in the mouth?
How'd you like five
straight up your nostril?
Oh, yeah? How'd you like
a bigger dimple, shorty?
Pretty hot around the
collar, aren't you, Laverne?
Well, I don't like
you poking fun at me.
I'm not poking fun at you.
I think this is great.
Has he asked you out yet?
He almost did, down
by the incinerator.
Great, great!
Three hours I waited for
him there, holding garbage.
That is fabulous!
Great!
You're doing his laundry.
You're hanging out by
the garbage with him...
Yeah?
And yet he hasn't
asked you out yet.
A little slow off
the mark, isn't he?
Well, he's a
writer, a novelist...
Yeah, so?
Well, his mind, he's got
a lot of things on his mind.
You know, Shirl,
he's really deep.
He had a poem published
in Reader's Digest.
None of it rhymed.
Hello, Laverne?
It's Jerry. Don't open it!
What am I gonna
do? How do I look?
I look terrible! What do I do?
All right, take your
scarf off your head. Ohh.
Calm down, put it around
your neck. That's good...
My hair, how does my hair look?
Just fluff it up. Just
fluff it up a little.
No, that's spray starch!
What do I do?
Please! We're naked!
Take the apron off,
okay. The apron...
Oh, look, I got a big spot.
Turn the sweater around. Okay.
Turn the sweater around.
What about my makeup?
Your makeup.
Ow! Ow!
No, that hurts.
That hurts, Shirl.
Okay.
You got it? Think that's okay?
Yeah. Great, great.
Okay? Strike a seductive pose.
Seductive.
Good.
Mwah! Perfect.
Open the door and get lost.
Right.
Who is it?
It's Jerry Callahan.
Well, well, Jerry
Callahan, what a surprise.
Hi, Shirley.
Hi, Laverne.
Hi, Jerry. Hi.
I'm almost finished
here with your laundry.
Oh, yeah, I really wanna
thank you for that, too.
I see you got a limp
going for yourself there.
Oh, yeah, it's my knee.
It's an old high
school football injury.
It acts up now and then.
Today is the worst.
Aww... you got an owie, huh?
No, it's okay.
The pain usually goes
away in a couple of days.
Yeah, well, you really ought
to take your weight off of it.
Here, let me help
you over to the couch.
Take a few steps. There we go.
Okay. Just sit
yourself down there.
Thanks.
This is all swelled
up here. Yeah.
Aww.
Does it hurt to
bend it? A little.
Aww.
Now, you tell me when it hurts.
Okay.
Hey!
Aww.
You really ought to have
that thing operated on.
Yeah, I know. that's
what my doctor says, but...
You ought to come
to our hospital.
We do real good
work. Quick, too.
Cut, snip, tie, good-bye.
I made a little
rhyme there, didn't I?
Yeah. No, no.
Maybe you're right, Shirley.
I tell you what.
I'll think about it.
Good, good.
Our doors are always...
Well, I have to be leaving now.
I have to go into
the bedroom to drink.
Does she drink?
Uh, she's off duty now.
Oh.
I even ironed your jammies.
Oh, Laverne, you
didn't have to do that.
Oh, sure I did.
I couldn't have you sleeping
on no wrinkled bunnies here.
Aww.
Laverne, you're
one in a million.
Nah.
Yeah?
Yeah, really.
To help me out like that?
You're incredible.
Nah.
Oh, you really should
take it easy on that, though.
Yeah, I know, I think
maybe you're right.
Listen... are you
busy this weekend?
Which part?
All of it.
What did you have in mind?
Well, I was thinking
maybe, if you're free...
Yeah?
Could you feed my fish?
Huh?
I think Shirley's right.
I better get this knee
operated on this weekend,
so, could you feed my fish
and take care of
'em while I'm gone?
Sure, sure, you bet.
I'll do it. Aw, great.
Thanks, Laverne. Fish.
Um, uh, do you want
me to do their laundry
while I'm at it, too?
Oh, you're a riot,
Laverne. Yeah,
I'm a riot. Hey, Shirley? What?
I'm gonna take your advice.
I'll see you at the hospital.
Oh, great. You won't regret it.
Okay.
Bye. Bye.
Can you believe that?
What does he
think I am, his slave?
Feed his fish.
Do this. Do that...
Oh, Laverne? Hi, cutie.
Hey, listen, listen,
I'll come down
and get my laundry in
about an hour, okay?
Oh, don't be silly. I'll
bring it up. Oh, good.
Then you can show
me how to feed your fish.
Okay, thanks.
See you later. Bye.
See how he takes
advantage of me?
Aw, what's the use?
He's too cute to like
someone like me.
Oh, I hate it when
you say stuff like that.
I hate to have to
say things like that.
Listen, Laverne, cheer up.
There's better fish in the sea.
I mean, there's better guys.
Handsome, rich guys with class.
Hello.
Hey, we heard Laverne was
doing everybody's laundry
so here we are.
Yeah, have this ready by...
have this ready by 12:00,
and no starch in the underwear.
Uh, hold it. Hold it,
I ain't doing
everybody's laundry.
What?
Well, then, who
do these belong to?
Trigger?
All right, all right,
I'll handle this.
Listen.
Laverne just happens
to be doing Jerry a
little favor, that's all.
Aw, Jerry, yeah, 'cause
she's sweet on Jerry,
that's why. Ha, ha.
That's for her to know
and you to find out.
Aw, she's sweet
on him. I can tell.
That's for sure, yeah.
What are you gonna do
next? Give him a bath?
Hold it. That's it.
Get out of here!
Go on!
And take this with you.
Hey, watch it. I got
my swim fins in there.
Yeah, I got my formal wear.
Hey, you wanna break
my confirmation shirt?
What are we gonna do now?
Well, gee, as long
as we're all packed,
let's go to Chicago.
Get out of here.
Great, just great.
Now the whole building
knows I got a crush on Jerry.
The whole building's always
known you had a crush on Jerry.
Yeah?
Yeah, that's yesterday's paper.
Well, I don't care. I like him.
Listen, Laverne.
You wanna get this guy? Yeah.
Then you go out and get him.
Yeah, you're right.
I'll see you later.
Not that way.
Well, how, what way?
All right, all right.
Now.
Jerry's gonna be in the hospital
for I'd say, oh,
two, three days.
Now, if you were to volunteer,
you could be his
angel of mercy...
Again with the nursing, right?
Listen.
Picture this.
Jerry is about to be
wheeled into surgery.
He's trembling, scared...
Your adoring face is
the last thing he sees
before losing consciousness.
Yeah.
Hours later, in his
lonely hospital room,
he awakens to see
your concerned face.
He looks at you with eyes
that could melt the
inside of an Oreo...
He reaches out for you...
He touches you...
He grabs you...
He plants one right
on your kisser...
Okay, okay, I'll do it.
Where do I get one
of those pink things?
At the hospital.
Uh, do I have to
give anybody a bath?
Yeah, and is it great.
Yeah.
Thirsty? Here's some watey...
Laverne! Laverne!
You got to help me.
It's Jerry. Is he in surgery?
No, no, not yet.
I've got a big problem.
Get in here. What?
What happened?
You know how you're supposed
to collect all the
patients' false teeth
to have them cleaned?
Yeah? Well, I did that.
Only I forgot to tag them.
I got a tray full of
unmarked teeth!
Oh, how could you do that?
I was about to tag them
when Dr. Randall came
by and said hi to me
and I got so flustered I...
So you stopped to flirt.
What am I going to
do with these teeth?
Okay, okay, just a second.
Okay.
Put a set in each person's glass
and let the patients
fight it out for themselves.
It's 12:00.
It's their lunchtime.
Well, I better go see Jerry.
Slow down, young lady.
Oh, I got a friend
going into surgery,
my friend Jerry, I got
to go down and see him.
I want you to strip
Mr. McKinley's bed.
Is he dead?
He just had his tonsils out.
Now strip his bed.
I'll be back later to make it.
But...
Tonsils, huh?
Boy, are you going
to get ice cream.
Mr. McKinley, Mr. McKinley.
You got to get up. I
got to strip your bed.
Mr. Mc... Okay.
Easy... easy... Pretty good.
Okay.
Whoosh!
Uh... Corners.
Got little hospital
corners here.
They're called that
'cause you're in a hospital.
Okay, nothing up
my sleeves here.
One... two... three.
What am I doing down here?
Come on, Mr. McKinley.
Give me a little help here.
Oh, okay.
Oh!
The nurse did it.
I didn't do it. I had
nothing to do with it.
Um, okay...
Oh, Mr. McKinley, Mr. McKinley!
Kitchy, kitchy!
Oh, my "L."
Okay.
Aw!
Uh...
Okay, do it this way.
One, two, three,
Get up there, big boy.
Oh, okay, Mr. McKinley.
They weren't his...
Mr. McKinley... Oh...
Shirley, Shirley,
come back in here!
Laverne, what are
you doing down there?
Will you help me?
Will you help me get him off me?
How can I...?
Just pull up. Pull him up.
Pull him harder up.
Harder. Pull him harder up.
Up harder.
There you go. There you go!
I got him! I got him!
Come on around
here and get the sheet.
Come around here
and get the sheet.
Get the sheet?! I can't
get up! Get the sheet!
Give me your hand.
Give me your hand.
Come on.
Come on. Get up here.
Now, pull.
Ow!
Pull the sheet out.
Okay.
We did it!
Jerry? Uh-huh?
Jerry? Uh-huh?
Jerry, remember me?
Laverne.
You remembered!
He remembered.
Thanks for being
with me, Laverne.
It means a lot to me.
Oh, it means a
lot to me, too, Jer.
I wanted this to be
the last face you saw.
What? What?!
Before you wake up, I mean.
Don't worry. I'll be right
by your side... by your head.
I'm coming around...
Laverne. Laverne!
Laverne! I'm here, Jer.
No, no, over here, over here.
Come with me. Come with
me. They fixed his knee.
That's real nice. Come
with me. Come on.
Where are you going? I have got
two of the cutest doctors you
ever want to see in your life
in a supply closet
right around the corner.
Come on. Let's go.
No, no, I want to
stay here with him.
What am I gonna do
with Dr. Throckmorton?
Who's he? He's your
date; Dr. Randall's mine.
Well, I want to be here
when Jerry wakes up.
Look... is this adoring
enough? Fine, fine.
Look, Laverne, he could be
asleep there for hours, you know?
Come on, trust me. Please,
please. No, I can't take that chance!
Laverne, I want to talk
to Dr. Randall alone!
What am I gonna do
with Dr. Throckmorton?
You'll think of
something. Don't worry.
I've got it.
Laverne?
Laverne?
Jerry, I'm here, Jer.
Laverne? Yeah?
Don't try to talk. The
operation's over, and you're fine.
Laverne, there's
something I want to ask you.
Yeah?
How are my fish?
What? My fishies.
My little guppies. My fish.
Guppies?
That's it?
Want to know what you
could do with your fish, Jerry?
Don't ask.
What happened?
I got rid of Dr. Throckmorton
by telling him his
car was on fire.
Then I met Dr. Randall at
the supply closet on schedule.
He grabbed me.
After he slapped an
ether mask over my face,
he went for my dress.
Mm-mm. Luckily, I
wrestled him to the ground.
Turned the ether mask on him.
He's down there sleeping it off
right now between the
cotton balls and the Phisohex.
Boy, I thought doctors were
all bored with the human body.
Well... I didn't
do too hot, either.
Jerry woke up and wanted
to know if his fish were safe.
Aw.
He cares more about his
guppies than he does me.
Oh, I'm sorry, Laverne. Well...
I ain't never gonna
get no place with him.
I suppose not.
And you ain't never
gonna marry no doctor.
Wrong. I will marry a doctor.
What are you, crazy?
I mean, look at us, Shirl!
Would you just look at us?
We went out there. We
rented uniforms, right?
We emptied bedpans...
A disgusting job.
And-and upstairs,
that Mr. McFatso
who rolled all over me!
A-And then... and then you
with that bucket of false teeth!
And for what? For what?
Heartaches and
a face full of ether.
I mean, come on,
and there you are
still walking down
the aisle with a doctor!
Doesn't your balloon ever land?
You keep your hands
off my balloon, Laverne.
It lands.
It may land in the wrong
place sometimes, but it lands.
And I will marry a doctor,
or a lawyer or some
other professional man.
Even if he's a veterinarian.
You know why?
'Cause I don't quit!
'Cause I'm no
quitter. That's why.
I don't quit, either.
That's the spirit.
Trust me, Laverne...
our day'll come.
That's all we get is a day?
Dear Diary, tomorrow
I turn in my uniform.
Had to quit.
It was too much
being volunteer nurse
and working at brewery, too.
Hmm.
Yesterday, fell asleep
leaning on conveyor belt.
Almost became part of
shipment to Sheboygan.
Watch your step there.
I'm glad we had this
little talk, Laverne.
Yeah. Lucky we both had garbage.
I can see why you might not want to
do my laundry anymore. You're not mad?
No, uh-uh.
Laverne, would you like to go to
a movie with me Saturday night?
I think I'm free then.
Good. Thanks for being
with me at the hospital too.
Eh. Thanks for walking
me home from the garbage.
Good night, Laverne.
Good night.
Oh...
Hi, Laverne.
Were you here?
Oh, boy, isn't life weird?
I mean, you went
to the hospital first
to get a date with a doctor, and
I ended up getting a date! Yeah!
Do you want a drink? Uh,
okay, I'll have an orange.
Okay.
Dear Diary, Laverne is starting
to get on my nerves.
♪ We're gonna do it ♪
♪ On your mark,
get set and go now ♪
♪ Got a dream, and
we just know now ♪
♪ We're gonna make
that dream come true ♪
♪ And we'll do it our
way, yes, our way ♪
♪ Make all our
dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you. ♪