Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (2014–…): Season 7, Episode 23 - RNC 2020 & Kenosha - full transcript

John Oliver talks about multiple pressing issues. He explains the fear mongering tactics of RNC and their flawed logic, as well as misrepresentation of the truth. He also talks about the ...

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John: HI THERE!

WELCOME TO THE SHOW, STILL

TAKING PLACE IN THIS BLANK VOID.

THINK OF IT LIKE THE MOON,

IN THAT IT'S FRIGID, COLORLESS,

AND OCCASIONALLY OCCUPIED BY ONE

VERY LONELY, MALNOURISHED MAN

WHO HAS DEFINITELY URINATED

IN HIS SUIT.



AND WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO DIVE

STRAIGHT IN WITH OUR MAIN STORY

THIS WEEK, WHICH... UNUSUALLY

FOR US... CONCERNS THE WEEK

THAT WE'VE JUST HAD.

IT'S ONE OF THE RARE TIMES WE'RE

ACTUALLY LIVING UP TO OUR SHOW'S

TITLE, UNLIKE WHAT IT PROBABLY

SHOULD BE CALLED, "28 MINUTES

ON THE CORN TAX OR WHATEVER

THE FUCK WITH JOHN OLIVER."

AND THE REASON WE ARE DOING THAT

IS THAT THIS HAS BEEN ONE

HELL OF A WEEK.



SO TONIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO TALK

ABOUT TWO THINGS: THE REPUBLICAN

NATIONAL CONVENTION, AND THE

HORRIFIC EVENTS IN KENOSHA,

WISCONSIN, WHERE JACOB BLAKE WAS

SHOT IN THE BACK BY POLICE, AND

A VIGILANTE KILLED TWO PEOPLE.

AND WE'LL TALK MORE ABOUT

KENOSHA IN A BIT, BUT LET'S

START WITH THE RNC, AN EVENT TO

CELEBRATE THE STEWARDSHIP OF

DONALD TRUMP... A TOUGH SELL AT

THE BEST OF TIMES, BUT SOMETHING

THAT FELT PARTICULARLY OUT OF

STEP CONSIDERING WE HAVE A

PANDEMIC ON THE RAMPAGE, AN

ECONOMIC CATASTROPHE UNFOLDING,

AND WILDFIRES AND HURRICANES

BATTERING THE COUNTRY.

ALL OF WHICH MADE IT A LITTLE

JARRING THAT THE REPUBLICANS'

OPENING ARGUMENT SEEMED TO BE

ESSENTIALLY THIS:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

LEADERS AND FIGHTERS FOR FREEDOM

AND LIBERTY AND THE AMERICAN

DREAM!

THE BEST!

IS YET!

TO COME!

John: OKAY, THEN!

THAT'S KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE,

BRINGING AN ENERGY TO THE RNC

THAT CAN REALLY ONLY BE

DESCRIBED AS "SORRY, I THOUGHT

DOVES WERE GOING TO SHOOT OUT

OF MY HANDS."

AND THAT VERY MUCH SET THE TONE.

THE MAIN THEME OF THE CONVENTION

SEEMED TO BE "TELLING LIES

IN FRONT OF FLAGS."

BECAUSE IT WAS FOUR DAYS OF

A FULL-THROATED DENIAL OF

OBJECTIVE REALITY.

FOR ONE THING, THERE WAS THE

MISLEADING PORTRAIT THEY PAINTED

OF TRUMP'S OPPONENT.

IF BIDEN WINS, HE'LL BE

CONTROLLED BY THE ENVIRONMENTAL

EXTREMISTS.

WE'D BE ONE STEP CLOSER TO

GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTHCARE.

BIDEN HAS PLEDGED TO DEFUND

THE POLICE.

AND HE'S EVEN TALKING ABOUT

TAKING THE WALL DOWN, HOW ABOUT

THAT?

John: HONESTLY, THAT SOUNDS

GREAT!

UNFORTUNATELY BIDEN HAS PROMISED

TO DO EXACTLY NONE OF THOSE

THINGS.

BIDEN IS A RADICAL

ENVIRONMENTALIST

POLICE-DEFUNDING SOCIALIST

IN THE SAME WAY I'M HISTORY'S

GREATEST ZAZU.

YOU CAN SAY I AM ALL YOU WANT

TO, AND I WISH I WERE, BUT THE

FACT IS, IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO

BEING TRUE.

AND THE LIES TOLD ABOUT BIDEN

WERE JUST THE BEGINNING.

CONVENTION SPEAKERS ALSO CLAIMED

THAT TRUMP NEVER CALLED WHITE

SUPREMACISTS "VERY FINE PEOPLE,"

WHICH HE DID; THAT HE PASSED THE

VETERAN'S CHOICE ACT, WHICH HE

DIDN'T; AND THAT HE'S TRYING TO

PROTECT PATIENTS WITH

PREEXISTING CONDITIONS,

WHICH HE VERY MUCH ISN'T.

I'M HONESTLY SURPRISED A SPEAKER

DIDN'T AT ONE POINT CLAIM THAT

TRUMP INVENTED PARAKEETS,

OR THAT HE STOPPED

THE MURDER HORNETS BY SUCKING

THEM STRAIGHT OUT OF THE AIR.

AND YET, EVEN IN THE MIDST OF

A BLIZZARD OF LIES, SOME STILL

MANAGED TO STAND OUT... LIKE

WHITE HOUSE ECONOMIC ADVISER

LARRY KUDLOW REFERRING TO THE

CORONAVIRUS WITH AN ODD CHOICE

OF VERB TENSE.

THEN, CAME A ONCE-IN-100-YEAR

PANDEMIC.

IT WAS AWFUL.

HEALTH AND ECONOMIC IMPACTS WERE

TRAGIC.

HARDSHIP AND HEARTBREAK WERE

EVERYWHERE.

BUT PRESIDENTIAL LEADERSHIP CAME

SWIFTLY AND EFFECTIVELY, WITH AN

EXTRAORDINARY RESCUE FOR HEALTH

AND SAFETY TO SUCCESSFULLY FIGHT

THE COVID VIRUS.

John: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE

CORONAVIRUS IN THE PAST TENSE,

WHEN IT IS, IN A VERY REAL

SENSE, STILL RAGING.

IF YOU'RE A CHARACTER IN A "SAW"

MOVIE, YOU DON'T SAY, "PHEW,

THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE" WHILE THE

BEAR TRAP IS STILL ON YOUR HEAD.

BUT MAYBE THE BIGGEST GULF

BETWEEN THE RNC AND OBJECTIVE

REALITY CONCERNED RACE.

AGAIN AND AGAIN, RNC SPEAKERS

WERE AT PAINS TO REASSURE

VIEWERS THAT RACISM IN AMERICA

IS MOSTLY A RELIC OF THE PAST,

AND WHATEVER REMAINS CAN BE

EASILY OVERCOME.

TAKE NIKKI HALEY'S SPEECH,

IN WHICH SHE FLATLY INSISTED

AMERICA IS NOT A RACIST COUNTRY,

AND THEN TOLD THE INSPIRATIONAL

STORY OF HOW THE CONFEDERATE

FLAG AT HER STATE'S CAPITOL

WAS TAKEN DOWN IN 2015

AFTER THE MASSACRE AT

MOTHER EMMANUEL CHURCH.

AFTER THAT HORRIFIC TRAGEDY,

WE DIDN'T TURN AGAINST

EACH OTHER.

WE CAME TOGETHER, BLACK AND

WHITE, DEMOCRAT AND REPUBLICAN.

TOGETHER, WE MADE THE HARD

CHOICES NEEDED TO HEAL, AND

REMOVED A DIVISIVE SYMBOL

PEACEFULLY AND RESPECTFULLY.

John: OH, THAT'S WHAT

HAPPENED, IS IT?

THAT SOUNDS NICE.

JUST A FEW THINGS THERE... IT'S

A PEACEFUL STORY OF UNITY AND

HOPE AS LONG AS YOU START THE

STORY IMMEDIATELY AFTER

A WHITE SUPREMACIST KILLED

NINE PEOPLE AT A HISTORIC

BLACK CHURCH.

ALSO, HALEY'S VERSION OF THAT

STORY IGNORES THE FACT THAT

THE EVENTUAL REMOVAL OF THE

CONFEDERATE FLAG WAS

JUMP-STARTED BY ARTIST AND

ACTIVIST BREE NEWSOME BASS,

CLIMBING THE FLAGPOLE IN FRONT

OF THE STATE HOUSE LIKE SHE WAS

ON AN ANTI-RACIST VERSION OF

AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR, AND THAT

SHE WAS THEN ARRESTED, AND THAT

THE FLAG WAS THEN RERAISED

45 MINUTES LATER.

HALEY ALSO CONVENIENTLY LEAVES

OUT THE PART WHERE THE CANDIDATE

SHE'S ENDORSING HAS DEFENDED

THOSE WHO PROUDLY FLY THE FLAG

IT REPRESENTS THE SOUTH.

SO HALEY TURNING WHAT

HAPPENED IN SOUTH CAROLINA INTO

A SMOOTH, HOPEFUL STORY OF

RACIAL RECONCILIATION IS A BIT

LIKE IF SOMEONE ASKED HER WHAT

THE FILM "DO THE RIGHT THING" IS

ABOUT AND SHE SAID, "A BROOKLYN

NEIGHBORHOOD COMES TOGETHER TO

HELP REDECORATE A PIZZA PLACE."

I MEAN, SURE, NIKKI, I GUESS

THAT'S TECHNICALLY TRUE, BUT

SOME PRETTY IMPORTANT PARTS

THERE.

AND A LOT OF THE RNC'S MESSAGING

ON RACE SEEMED INTENDED NOT SO

MUCH TO WIN OVER BLACK VOTERS

AS TO REASSURE WHITE PEOPLE

THAT THEY COULD VOTE REPUBLICAN

WITHOUT BEING RACIST.

THE AUDIENCE THEY WERE TALKING

TO WAS PRETTY CLEAR, EVEN IN

SMALL MOMENTS LIKE THIS:

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE KNOW

WE DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN

SUPPORTING LAW ENFORCEMENT AND

STANDING WITH OUR

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NEIGHBORS.

John: WELL, HOLD ON, MIKE.

WHO IS THE "WE" IN THAT

SENTENCE?

BECAUSE IT SEEMS YOU'RE MAKING

A DISTINCTION BETWEEN

"WE, THE AMERICAN PEOPLE" AND

"OUR AFRICAN-AMERICAN

NEIGHBORS," WHO I GUESS,

BY EXTENSION, ARE SOMEHOW

A DIFFERENT GROUP ENTIRELY.

BUT I GUESS THAT SENTIMENT

SHOULDN'T BE REALLY SURPRISING,

COMING FROM MIKE PENCE,

A MAN WHO PERMANENTLY LOOKS LIKE

HE SHOULD BE LIVING IN

"KEN'S WHITE FLIGHT

DREAM HOUSE."

AND ALL OF THIS OVERT TALK OF

RACIAL HARMONY WAS VERY MUCH IN

CONFLICT WITH THE STEADY DIET OF

BARELY-DISGUISED RACIAL PANIC

THAT VIEWERS WERE ALSO BEING

FED.

PERHAPS THE MOST FLAGRANT

EXAMPLE OF THIS CAME ON MONDAY

NIGHT, WHEN THE RNC CHOSE TO

FEATURE THE ST. LOUIS COUPLE

WHO WAS CHARGED WITH THREATENING

BLACK LIVES MATTER PROTESTORS

AT GUNPOINT LAST MONTH.

AND THE MESSAGE THEY WERE THERE

TO SEND WAS PRETTY CLEAR.

IT SEEMS AS IF THE DEMOCRATS

NO LONGER VIEW THE GOVERNMENT'S

JOB AS PROTECTING HONEST

CITIZENS FROM CRIMINALS, BUT

RATHER PROTECTING CRIMINALS FROM

HONEST CITIZENS.

THEY'RE NOT SATISFIED WITH

SPREADING THE CHAOS AND VIOLENCE

INTO OUR COMMUNITIES.

THEY WANT TO ABOLISH THE SUBURBS

ALL TOGETHER BY ENDING

SINGLE-FAMILY HOME ZONING.

THIS FORCED REZONING WOULD BRING

CRIME, LAWLESSNESS, AND

LOW-QUALITY APARTMENTS INTO

NOW-THRIVING SUBURBAN

NEIGHBORHOODS.

SO MAKE NO MISTAKE.

NO MATTER WHERE YOU LIVE, YOUR

FAMILY WILL NOT BE SAFE IN THE

RADICAL DEMOCRATS' AMERICA.

John: WOW.

OKAY, FIRST, C-SPAN, YOU REALLY

DIDN'T NEED TO PUT UP THE BANNER

THAT SAYS THEY'RE "PERSONAL

INJURY ATTORNEYS," I VERY MUCH

GOT THAT FROM THE EVERYTHING.

BUT MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY,

THINK ABOUT HOW INCENDIARY THAT

MESSAGE IS.

"VIOLENCE AND CRIMINALS ARE

COMING TO YOUR COMMUNITY IN THE

FORM OF "LOW-QUALITY

APARTMENTS," AND YOU MUST DEFEND

YOURSELF.

TAKE IT FROM US, THE COUPLE

WHO POINTED GUNS AT

BLACK LIVES MATTERS PROTESTORS."

AND RHETORIC LIKE THAT HAS

CONSEQUENCES.

WHICH ACTUALLY BRING US TO THE

SECOND PART OF OUR STORY THIS

WEEK: WHAT HAPPENED IN KENOSHA,

WISCONSIN, WHERE... TO REITERATE

...JACOB BLAKE WAS SHOT SEVEN

TIMES IN THE BACK BY POLICE,

WITH THREE OF HIS CHILDREN

IN THE CAR.

AND THEN, IN THE PROTESTS THAT

FOLLOWED, KYLE RITTENHOUSE,

A 17-YEAR-OLD WHO HAD TRAVELED

THERE FROM OUT OF STATE, AND WAS

ILLEGALLY CARRYING A WEAPON,

KILLED TWO PEOPLE.

AND LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF HE SAW

THE McCLOSKEYS SPEAK THE NIGHT

BEFORE HE CHOSE TO DRIVE TO

A CITY HE DIDN'T LIVE IN, TO

DEFEND PROPERTY HE DIDN'T OWN.

WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT HE WAS

AN AVID TRUMP SUPPORTER, EVEN

SITTING FRONT ROW AT A RALLY

BACK IN JANUARY.

AND TRUMP AND HIS MEDIA

ECOSYSTEM HAVE BEEN DELIVERING

ESSENTIALLY THE SAME MESSAGE AS

THE McCLOSKEYS FOR YEARS NOW.

JUST LOOK AT HOW QUICKLY

TUCKER CARLSON MOVED TO TRY AND

EXPLAIN AWAY RITTENHOUSE'S

ACTIONS AS A NATURAL RESPONSE.

SO ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED

THAT LOOTING AND ARSON

ACCELERATED TO MURDER?

HOW SHOCKED ARE WE THAT

17-YEAR-OLDS WITH RIFLES DECIDED

THEY HAD TO MAINTAIN ORDER WHEN

NO ONE ELSE WOULD?

John: WELL, YOU DON'T SEEM TO

BE SHOCKED, AND THAT ALONE

SHOULD BE PRETTY FUCKING

SHOCKING.

LET'S BE CLEAR: A 17-YEAR-OLD

VIGILANTE WITH A RIFLE CANNOT

MAINTAIN ORDER, BECAUSE

A 17-YEAR-OLD VIGILANTE WITH

A RIFLE TRYING TO MAINTAIN ORDER

IS, HIMSELF, THE DEFINITION OF

DISORDER.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE, IF YOU'RE

A REGULAR VIEWER OF

TUCKER CARLSON, A SHOW THAT

EXISTS TO TEACH ITS VIEWERS

PRECISELY THREE THINGS:

PROPERTY DAMAGE IS VIOLENCE,

HOMICIDE IS ORDER,

AND PILLOWS ARE FOR SALE.

AND THE EVENTS IN KENOSHA REALLY

HAMMER HOME THE FLAGRANT DOUBLE

STANDARD BAKED INTO AMERICAN

SOCIETY.

JUST LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE

IN HOW THE POLICE IN KENOSHA

RESPONDED TO BLAKE, AND HOW THEY

RESPONDED TO RITTENHOUSE.

ALLEGED GUNMAN

KYLE RITTENHOUSE WALKING AWAY,

GUN IN TOW, AS PEOPLE SCREAMED

THAT HE JUST SHOT PROTESTERS.

ONE LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER,

SEEMING TO ASK RITTENHOUSE

IF ANYONE WAS HURT.

TWO INCIDENTS, TWO VIDEOS,

WITH SOME ASKING WHY TWO

DIFFERENT RESPONSES.

John: WHY TWO DIFFERENT

RESPONSES?

I THINK THE ANSWER TO THAT IS

PRETTY OBVIOUS.

IT'S THE SAME REASON WHY, AHEAD

OF THE SHOOTING, THERE WAS VIDEO

OF THE POLICE TRYING TO ENFORCE

A CURFEW AGAINST PROTESTORS,

EVEN AS THEY OFFERED WATER TO

RITTENHOUSE AND THE MILITIA,

SAYING, AND I QUOTE,

"WE APPRECIATE YOU GUYS,

WE REALLY DO."

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A BETTER

VISUAL ILLUSTRATION OF THE

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN BEING BLACK

AND WHITE IN AMERICA, I DON'T

THINK YOU'RE GOING TO FIND ONE,

EXCEPT MAYBE FOR SEEING EXACTLY

WHO SITS DOWN AND WHO STANDS UP

WHEN "COTTON EYED JOE" COMES ON

AT A WEDDING.

AND THAT DISPARITY IN TREATMENT

CONTINUED EVEN AFTER THE

SHOOTINGS... JUST WATCH HOW,

THE NEXT DAY, THE KENOSHA POLICE

CHIEF COULDN'T HELP BUT SPREAD

BLAME TO THE PROTESTORS WHO WERE

SHOT AT AND KILLED.

EVERYBODY INVOLVED WAS OUT

AFTER THE CURFEW.

I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE

A GREAT DEAL OF IT.

BUT THE POINT IS, THE CURFEW'S

IN PLACE TO PROTECT.

HAD PERSONS NOT BEEN OUT

INVOLVED, IN VIOLATION OF THAT,

PERHAPS THE SITUATION THAT

THAT UNFOLDED WOULD NOT

HAVE HAPPENED.

John: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,

THANKS SO MUCH FOR NOT MAKING

A GREAT DEAL OUT OF THAT.

THE PEOPLE WHO GOT MURDERED

WERE UP WAY PAST THEIR

GOVERNMENT-IMPOSED BEDTIME AND

YOU WERE NICE ENOUGH NOT TO EVEN

MENTION IT EXCEPT TO IMPLY THAT

MAYBE IT WAS A REASON THEY KIND

OF HAD IT COMING.

THAT IS THE KIND OF RESTRAINT

WE'VE ALL COME TO EXPECT FROM

THE KENOSHA POLICE DEPARTMENT.

AND YOU MIGHT THINK,

"WELL, HOLD ON, THAT'S JUST ONE

GUY.

SURELY NOT ALL LAW ENFORCEMENT

THERE THINKS THAT WAY."

ALTHOUGH, I WILL POINT OUT THAT

THE GUY STANDING NEXT TO HIM IS

THE KENOSHA SHERIFF, WHO, JUST

TWO YEARS AGO, GAVE A PRETTY

STRIKING PRESS CONFERENCE.

A GROUP OF FIVE YOUNG BLACK

PEOPLE HAD ALLEGEDLY STOLEN SOME

CLOTHING FROM AN OUTLET MALL AND

HAD LED POLICE ON A CHASE THAT

ENDED IN A MINOR CAR ACCIDENT.

AND IN THAT PRESS CONFERENCE,

HE EXPRESSED SOME VIEWS THAT ARE

PRETTY EXPLICIT.

LET'S PUT THEM IN JAIL.

LET'S... LET'S STOP THEM FROM

TRULY... AT LEAST SOME OF THESE

MALES GOING OUT AND GETTING

TEN OTHER WOMEN PREGNANT AND

HAVING SMALL CHILDREN.

LET'S PUT THEM AWAY.

AT SOME POINT, WE HAVE TO STOP

BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT.

John: SORRY, CAN I QUICKLY

INTERRUPT YOU THERE?

BECAUSE CALLING FOR AMERICAN

CITIZENS TO BE STOPPED FROM

"HAVING SMALL CHILDREN" ISN'T

"POLITICALLY INCORRECT," SO MUCH

AS "POLITICALLY 1940s GERMANY."

AND HE WASN'T JUST IDLY SAYING

THAT... HE HAD REALLY THOUGHT

THROUGH A WHOLE PLAN.

I KNOW IT IS DEEPLY UNPLEASANT,

BUT IT'S WORTH LISTENING TO JUST

HOW DETAILED HIS SOLUTION WAS.

IF THERE'S A THRESHOLD THAT

THEY CROSS, THESE PEOPLE HAVE

TO BE WAREHOUSED.

NO RECREATIONAL TIME IN THE

JAILS, WE PUT THEM AWAY.

AND MAYBE WE'VE GOT TO DO IS

BUILD WAREHOUSES THAT, AFTER

THIS GENERATION IS GONE,

THEY'VE PERISHED IN THESE

BUILDINGS, WE CAN TURN THEM

INTO SOMETHING ELSE.

MAYBE IT'LL BE MALLS.

MAYBE, MAYBE AMAZON WILL BUY 'EM

AS... AS WAREHOUSES LATER.

BUT AT SOME POINT, WE HAVE TO

GET RID OF THIS GROUP OF...

WE HAVE TO LOCK THEM UP.

I DON'T THINK I'M SAYING

ANYTHING DIFFERENT THAN MOST

PEOPLE IN SOCIETY AREN'T

THINKING, BUT THEY'RE AFRAID TO

SAY IT AND I'M JUST TO THE POINT

THAT I'M... I'M SAYING IT.

John: OKAY, IF THAT IS WHAT

MOST PEOPLE IN SOCIETY ARE

THINKING, WE ARE, AND THIS IS

TRUE, A TERRIBLE SOCIETY.

AND I HONESTLY CANNOT BELIEVE

THAT WAS AN IDEA FROM A

STILL-EMPLOYED SHERIFF,

AND NOT A PITCH FROM

"SHARK TANK:

LIGHT GENOCIDE EDITION."

"GOOD QUESTION, MARK CUBAN.

THE ANSWER IS, THESE

CONCENTRATION CAMPS COULD EASILY

BE CONVERTED INTO

AMAZON WAREHOUSES.

OOH!

LOOKS LIKE I'VE GOT A BIDDING

WAR ON MY HANDS!"

AND LOOK, THE EVENTS IN KENOSHA

WOULD BE INFURIATING

AT ANY TIME.

BUT IT'S SOMEHOW ESPECIALLY

INFURIATING THAT THEY TOOK PLACE

IN THE SAME WEEK WHERE THE RNC

DESPERATE TO REASSURE THE

COUNTRY THAT AMERICA ISN'T

RACIST,

WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY

FEARMONGERING ABOUT VIOLENT

CRIME THREATENING LAW-ABIDING

CITIZENS.

IT'S A DISCONNECT THAT WAS

PRETTY WELL SUMMED UP BY NBA

COACH DOC RIVERS IN AN EMOTIONAL

POSTGAME PRESS CONFERENCE

ON TUESDAY.

WHAT STANDS OUT TO ME IS

JUST... JUST WATCHING THE

REPUBLICAN CONVENTION,

AND THEY'RE... THEY'RE SPEWING

THIS FEAR.

RIGHT?

LIKE, ALL YOU HEAR IS

DONALD TRUMP AND ALL OF THEM

TALKING ABOUT FEAR.

WE'RE THE ONES GETTING KILLED.

WE'RE THE ONES GETTING SHOT.

WE'RE THE ONES THAT...

WE'RE DENIED TO LIVE

IN CERTAIN COMMUNITIES.

WE'VE BEEN HUNG.

WE'VE BEEN SHOT.

AND ALL YOU DO IS KEEP HEARING

ABOUT FEAR.

IT'S... IT'S AMAZING TO ME WHY

WE KEEP LOVING THIS COUNTRY AND

THIS COUNTRY DOES NOT LOVE US

BACK.

John: YEAH, EXACTLY.

IT'S ALL EXHAUSTINGLY

DEPRESSING.

ALTHOUGH IN A WEEK OF INCREDIBLE

DARKNESS, THERE WAS ACTUALLY

A BRIGHT SPOT, BECAUSE SHORTLY

AFTER DOC RIVERS SPOKE,

SOMETHING GENUINELY

EXTRAORDINARY STARTED

TO HAPPEN IN HIS SPORT.

THE MILWAUKEE BUCKS HAD

A PLAYOFF GAME, BUT DIDN'T TAKE

THE COURT, WITH RUMORS FLYING

AROUND THAT THEY WERE ABOUT TO

REFUSE TO PLAY.

THEN, WNBA PLAYERS... WHO,

INCIDENTALLY, HAVE LED FROM THE

START ON THE BLACK LIVES MATTER

MOVEMENT... ALSO REFUSED TO

PLAY, AFTER ARRIVING AT

A SCHEDULED GAME WITH SHIRTS

WITH SEVEN BULLET HOLES DRAWN

ON THEIR BACK.

AND EVENTUALLY, WILDCAT STRIKES

SPREAD THROUGHOUT BOTH LEAGUES,

IN AN UNPRECEDENTED, GENUINELY

INSPIRING SHOW OF COLLECTIVE

ACTION.

AND THEY DID THIS WITHOUT UNION

APPROVAL, SO THEY WERE PUTTING

A LOT ON THE LINE... THEIR

INCOME, AND MAYBE EVEN

THEIR CAREERS.

WHICH IS WHAT MAKES IT SO

INFURIATING THAT WHEN

JARED KUSHNER WAS ASKED FOR HIS

RESPONSE TO THE STRIKE, THIS WAS

WHAT FELL OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

LOOK, I THINK THAT THE NBA

PLAYERS ARE VERY FORTUNATE THAT

THEY HAVE THE FINANCIAL POSITION

WHERE THEY'RE ABLE TO TAKE

A NIGHT OFF FROM WORK WITHOUT

HAVING TO... TO HAVE THE

CONSEQUENCES TO THEMSELVES

FINANCIALLY.

SO THEY HAVE THAT LUXURY,

WHICH IS GREAT.

John: OKAY, FIRST, GET

FUCKED, JARED, YOU "WELCOME TO

MARWEN" REJECT.

FOR A START, THEY'RE NOT TAKING

A NIGHT OFF FROM WORK.

THE EMOTIONAL TOLL OF BEING

BLACK IN AMERICA COMBINED

WITH THE PRESSURE T PERFORM AT

AN ELITE LEVEL DURING A

GLOBAL PANDEMIC IS, I'M

GUESSING, PRETTY TAXING.

SO BY NOT PLAYING, THEY'RE

NOT EXACTLY TAKING A SPA DAY.

AND IF NBA PLAYERS ARE TOO RICH

TO TAKE MEANINGFUL ACTION,

THEN WHO EXACTLY IS IN THE RIGHT

TAX BRACKET TO HAVE THEIR

PROTEST APPROVED BY AMERICA'S

MOST LAMINATED PRINCE?

BECAUSE WE'VE SEEN TIME AND TIME

AGAIN THAT WEALTH AND FAME

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PROTECT YOU

AS A BLACK ATHLETE.

IT DIDN'T PROTECT STERLING BROWN

FROM GETTING TASED BY THE POLICE

AFTER BEING STOPPED FOR

A PARKING VIOLATION IN

MILWAUKEE, AND IT DIDN'T PROTECT

THABO SEFOLOSHA FROM HAVING HIS

LEG BROKEN BY NYPD OFFICERS IN

AN INCIDENT THAT FORCED HIM TO

MISS THE 2015 PLAYOFFS AND PUT

HIS WHOLE CAREER IN JEOPARDY.

AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO STRAP IN,

JARED, BECAUSE THIS PROBABLY

ISN'T THE LAST DISRUPTIVE ACTION

LIKE THIS WE'RE GOING TO SEE

GOING FORWARD... NOR SHOULD IT

BE.

BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SICK OF

WAITING.

JUST LISTEN TO JACOB BLAKE'S

SISTER, LETETRA WIDMAN, MAKING

THAT VERY CLEAR.

I'M NOT SAD.

I'M NOT SORRY.

I'M ANGRY.

AND I'M TIRED.

I HAVEN'T CRIED ONE TIME.

I STOPPED CRYING YEARS AGO.

I AM NUMB.

I HAVE BEEN WATCHING POLICE

MURDER PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE

ME FOR YEARS.

I'M NOT SAD.

I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY.

I WANT CHANGE.

John: RIGHT.

THIS CAN'T BE ABOUT PITY.

IT CAN'T BE ABOUT SYMPATHY.

THAT IS WHY THERE IS NO SECTION

IN THE GREETING CARDS STORE

LABELED "CENTURIES OF

OPPRESSION."

THIS ISN'T ABOUT WHAT

WHITE PEOPLE FEEL OR SAY.

THIS HAS TO BE ABOUT CREATING

REAL CHANGE IN A SYSTEM THAT HAS

BEEN BUILT TO BE NON-RESPONSIVE.

BECAUSE HISTORY HAS REPEATEDLY

SHOWN THE SYSTEM DOESN'T RESPOND

UNTIL IT IS FORCED TO.

SO IT'S EASY FOR RNC SPEAKERS

TO INSIST THE ONLY APPROPRIATE

ACTION IS PEACEFUL AND

UNOBTRUSIVE.

BUT THE FACT IS, THAT'S NOT HOW

IT WORKS.

THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE MARCHED

IN THE WAKE OF GEORGE FLOYD'S

DEATH, AND HAVE CONTINUED

MARCHING, EVEN AS MEDIA COVERAGE

HAS STEADILY DRIFTED AWAY.

MEANWHILE, THE NBA HAS MADE

A LOT OF SYMBOLIC GESTURES OF

SUPPORT FOR THE MOVEMENT, LIKE

PAINTING "BLACK LIVES MATTER"

ON THE COURT AND ALLOWING

PLAYERS TO WEAR A SOCIAL JUSTICE

MESSAGE ON THEIR JERSEYS,

SELECTED FROM A LIST OF

29 AGREED-UPON OPTIONS.

BUT TO UNDERSCORE JUST HOW

LIMITING THAT KIND OF

"PREAPPROVED" PROTEST CAN BE,

"SAY HER NAME" WAS ON THE LIST,

BUT "BREONNA TAYLOR" WAS NOT.

AND I GUESS THE ONLY POSITIVE

THING THERE IS, IF PLAYERS

WANTED TO PROTEST THAT

RESTRICTION, THE NBA HAD

A JERSEY READY MADE FOR THEM.

THE PROBLEM WITH PURELY SYMBOLIC

PROTEST IS THAT IT'S FAR TOO

EASY TO CO-OPT.

THERE MIGHT BE NO MORE VISCERAL

EXAMPLE OF THAT THAN THE FACT

THAT THAT KENOSHA SHERIFF AND

HUMAN WAREHOUSING INNOVATOR GOT

POSITIVE ATTENTION EARLIER THIS

YEAR WHEN HE KNEELED FOR NINE

MINUTES IN SOLIDARITY WITH

THE BLACK LIVES MATTER MOVEMENT.

SO IS IT ANY WONDER THAT

BASKETBALL PLAYERS FELT THEY HAD

TO ESCALATE THEIR PROTEST BY NOT

JUST WEARING A JERSEY, BUT

BY STRIKING...

AND IN DOING SO, PUTTING TEAM

OWNERS MONEY AT JEOPARDY.

BECAUSE REAL DISCOMFORT IS THE

ONLY THING THAT'S GOING TO BRING

REAL CHANGE HERE.

AND IT'S WORTH NOTING THAT

ALREADY, THE STRIKE HAS HAD SOME

EFFECT.

NOT ONLY DID THE STRIKE SPREAD

TO OTHER SPORTS AND OTHER

ATHLETES, BUT THE NBA PLAYERS

NOW HAVE A PROMISE FROM OWNERS

TO CONVERT AS MANY OF THEIR

ARENAS AS POSSIBLE INTO

POLLING PLACES THIS NOVEMBER.

WHICH IS GREAT, ALTHOUGH IT ALSO

BRINGS US TO THE FACT THAT

SIMPLY VOTING THIS NOVEMBER IS

CLEARLY NOT GOING TO BE NEARLY

ENOUGH.

BECAUSE AS MUCH AS I OR THE RNC

WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT

JOE BIDEN WILL BE AN AGENT OF

RADICAL CHANGE, THERE IS JUST

NO REASON TO BELIEVE THAT.

TO THE EXTENT THAT REAL CHANGE

IS POSSIBLE THROUGH THE BALLOT

BOX THIS YEAR, IT WILL BE IF

BIDEN IS ELECTED ALONGSIDE

PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATES ALL DOWN

THE BALLOT, FROM THE SENATE

TO STATE LEGISLATURES TO CITY

COUNCILS TO SHERIFFS.

AND EVEN THAT WILL BE VERY MUCH

A BEGINNING AND NOT AN END.

NONE OF THIS IS EASY.

BUT IT HAS TO BEGIN, AND NOW.

BECAUSE OUR CURRENT SITUATION IS

COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

AND THE RNC THIS WEEK ACTUALLY

ENDED UP BEING A PRETTY GOOD

REMINDER THAT WHERE WE STILL

MIGHT END UP GOING IS GENUINELY

TERRIFYING.

BECAUSE IF IT SHOWED US ONE

THING THIS WEEK, IT'S THE DANGER

IN CONTINUING TO BE GOVERNED

BY AN ADMINISTRATION THAT

ENCOURAGES THE UGLIEST FORCES IN

AMERICAN SOCIETY, THAT LIONIZES

THREATS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST

PEACEFUL PROTEST, THAT TELLS US

THERE IS NO CONFLICT BETWEEN

SUPPORTING LAW ENFORCEMENT AND

"OUR AFRICAN-AMERICAN

NEIGHBORS," AND THAT INSISTS

THAT THE "BEST IS YET TO COME,"

WHICH, GIVEN EVERYTHING WE'VE

SEEN IN THE LAST FOUR YEARS, IS

SOUNDING LESS LIKE A PROMISE AND

MORE LIKE A FUCKING THREAT.

AND NOW THIS.

♪ ♪

Announcer: AND NOW...

THE RNC GETS OFF TO A GREAT

START.

IN THE STATE OF UTAH, WE

INTRODUCED THE WORLD TO THE

FRISBEE.

WE BRING YOU MICROCHIPS.

CHEESES.

AND MICROBREWERIES.

WE ARE ALSO THE STATE OF THE

HOME OF

PRESIDENT CALVIN COOLIDGE.

THANK YOU.

THAT FREEDOM IS NOT AVAILABLE

TO YOU IF YOU CAN'T GO TO YOUR

PLACE OF BUSINESS OR DRIVE DOWN

THE STREET WITHOUT FEAR OF BEING

BITTEN... BEATEN.

MARYLAND IS HOME OF THE

UNDERGROUND RAILROAD, AND TOO,

OF OUR GREATEST SEGREGATION...

OF ABOLITIONISTS.

MONTANA, AFFECTIONATELY AND

ENTHUSIASTICALLY, GIVES ITS

40... 27 VOTES TO THE NEXT...

THE PRESIDENT.

I AM THE SON OF ANTHONY AND

JUDY, AND I CAST OHIO'S 82 VOTES

FOR DONALD DRAWN PRESIDENT.

TODAY, WE PROUDLY AND HAPPILY

CAST ALL 50 OF OUR VOTES FOR THE

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,

JOHN TRUMP.

DONALD J. TRUMP.

MR. PRESIDENT AND

MR. VICE PRESIDENT, YOU ARE

REHIRED.

John: MOVING ON.

FINALLY TONIGHT, A QUICK UPDATE

ABOUT DANBURY, CONNECTICUT.

ALSO KNOWN AS THE HAT CITY,

WHICH IS APPROPRIATE, BECAUSE

MUCH LIKE THE BOWLER HAT,

DANBURY IS A SUPERFLUOUS

ACCESSORY WITH NO PRACTICAL

PURPOSE THAT WENT OUT OF STYLE

IN THE 1930s.

NOW YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED, I'VE

TAKEN A FEW CHEAP SHOTS LIKE

THAT AT THE CITY OF DANBURY OVER

THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS.

AND PERHAPS UNSURPRISINGLY, THE

PEOPLE THERE HAVE TAKEN NOTICE.

OLIVER DELIVERED A SCATHING

SIDEBAR SMACKDOWN ABOUT DANBURY.

AND THIS IS THE CLOSEST SNIPPET

THAT WE COULD AIR WITHOUT

GETTING OUR FCC LICENSE PULLED.

WATCH THIS.

John: 'CAUSE IF YOU'RE GOING

TO FORGET A TOWN IN CONNECTICUT,

WHY NOT FORGET DANBURY?

BECAUSE, AND THIS IS TRUE,

[BLEEP] DANBURY.

I KNOW EXACTLY THREE THINGS

ABOUT DANBURY: "USA TODAY"

RANKED IT THE SECOND-BEST CITY

TO LIVE IN IN 2015, IT WAS ONCE

THE CENTER OF THE AMERICAN HAT

INDUSTRY... AND IF YOU'RE FROM

THERE, YOU'VE GOT A STANDING

INVITE TO COME GET A THRASHING

FROM JOHN OLIVER.

CHILDREN INCLUDED.

YEAH, THERE WAS... YOU SHOULD

WATCH THE CLIP, THERE'S NOT,

LIKE I SAID, AS... AS MY

PRODUCER JOHN SAYS, THERE'S NOT

A LOT... THERE'S A LOT OF BLEEPS

IN THAT ONE.

John: OKAY, DID I TELL

DANBURY, A SEEMINGLY CHARMING,

RANDOM CITY IN CONNECTICUT,

TO GO FUCK ITSELF?

YEAH, YEAH, I DID.

DID I INVITE EVERYONE WHO LIVED

THERE TO COME GET A THRASHING

FROM ME?

I CAN'T DENY THAT.

THE ONLY THING HE'S TECHNICALLY

WRONG ABOUT IS WHEN HE SAYS

THERE WERE A LOT OF BLEEPS IN

THAT CLIP.

BECAUSE I ONLY HEARD ONE BLEEP.

THE SECOND TIME I SAID

"FUCK DANBURY" THE AUDIO SEEMED

TO CUT OUT.

AND I'M WILLING TO ASSUME THAT

WAS OUR FAULT.

YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER: THIS

NETWORK IS OPERATED BY AT&T.

THAT'S RIGHT, BUSINESS DADDY!

GUESS WHO'S SWINGING AGAIN!

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE

WE'VE SPOKEN, HASN'T IT?

HOW ARE THINGS WITH YOU?

ME, I'M JUST SHELTERING IN A

VOID, FIGHTING WITH SOME

ZIP CODES IN CONNECTICUT AND

MAY OR MAY NOT WISH TO

BE MURDERED BY THE COSTAR OF

"MARRIAGE STORY."

IT'S BEEN A WEIRD FEW MONTHS.

WE'VE GOT LOTS TO CATCH UP ON...

WE SHOULD PROBABLY TALK ON THE

PHONE MORE, BUT I DO REALIZE

THAT'S A BIG ASK FOR YOU.

AND LOOK, I DID THINK THE PEOPLE

OF DANBURY WOULD TAKE ISSUE WITH

WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING.

I DIDN'T EXPECT THEM TO SIMPLY

SIT THERE AND COWER IN FEAR OF

MY FISTS, PAUL HOLLYWOOD AND

MARY BERRY.

WHAT I DIDN'T EXPECT WAS JUST

HOW GREAT THEIR RESPONSE WOULD

BE.

BECAUSE DANBURY, AS ONE,

HAS RISEN UP AND FOUGHT BACK

MAGNIFICENTLY.

TAKE THIS SURPRISINGLY

WELL-PRODUCED RESPONSE FROM A

CHILD WHO LIVES THERE:

SO ACCORDING TO MY MOM, HBO'S

COMEDIAN JOHN OLIVER...

JOHN OLIVER THREW SOME SHADE ON

WHAT DANBURY HAS TO OFFER.

THE THINGS YOU MENTIONED ABOUT

DANBURY ARE SO YESTERDAY, LIKE

AN ARTICLE FROM 2015.

I WAS, LIKE, THREE-YEARS-OLD

WHEN THAT CAME OUT!

THREE!

John: WOW!

THAT KID CAME IN HOT!

AND THAT IS ALL GOOD.

THE ONLY THING I OBJECT

TO WAS HIM PUTTING MY NAME

IN AIR QUOTES.

BECAUSE, COME ON, KID!

THIS IS MY ACTUAL NAME!

IF I WAS GOING TO MAKE ONE UP,

I WOULDN'T CHOOSE SOMETHING THAT

MAKES ME SOUND LIKE A DICKENSIAN

CARICATURE.

I'D PICK SOMETHING INCREDIBLE

LIKE J-SUAVE OR

BIG JOHNNY TWO-SOUPS.

ALSO, FOR THE RECORD, THAT IS

THE FIRST TIME ANYONE'S EVER

LANDED A SUCCESSFUL BURN THAT

STARTED WITH THE PHRASE,

"ACCORDING TO MY MOM."

KUDOS, KID.

BUT THAT BOY WASN'T DANBURY'S

ONLY DEFENDER.

THERE WAS ALSO THIS OFFICIAL

RESPONSE FROM THE DANBURY HAT

TRICKS, THEIR LOCAL PRO HOCKEY

TEAM.

JOHN MAKES SEVERAL VALID

POINTS.

OUR RAILWAY MUSEUM IS QUITE

CHARMING, AND WE DO WEAR OUR

"HAT CITY" MONIKER PROUDLY.

HE DID HIS RESEARCH LIKE ANY

INTREPID REPORTER SHOULD, WHICH

HE IS.

THAT IS, WHEN HE'S NOT TAKING

BREAKS TO FILM SUCH CINEMATIC

CLASSICS AS "THE SMURFS,"

"WONDER PARK," OR MY PERSONAL

FAVORITE, AND THIS IS TRUE, HIS

ICONIC ROLE AS DICK PANTS IN THE

"LOVE GURU."

THERE IS ONE AREA, THOUGH, WHERE

JOHN DID NOT DO HIS HOMEWORK,

AND THAT IS, OF COURSE, THE IDEA

THAT HE COULD GIVE ANYONE IN

DANBURY A "THRASHING."

John: AGAIN, VERY GOOD.

HONESTLY, DANBURY MIGHT WANT TO

SERIOUSLY CONSIDER CHANGING ITS

NICKNAME FROM "THE HAT CITY," TO

"THE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO SEEM MORE

THAN CAPABLE OF TAKING OVER MY

JOB" CITY.

ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE WHY THEY'D

WANT IT.

YES, WE BOTH LIVE IN SAD, EMPTY

VOIDS WHERE HOPE GOES TO DIE,

BUT AT LEAST DANBURY HAS

A RAILWAY MUSEUM.

WE HAVEN'T HAD ONE OF THOSE

SINCE SEASON FOUR.

BUT THE STRONGEST RESPONSE BY

FAR ACTUALLY CAME FROM THE MAYOR

OF DANBURY HIMSELF.

BEHIND ME, YOU'LL SEE THE

CITY OF DANBURY SEWER PLANT, AND

WE ARE GONNA RENAME IT THE

"JOHN OLIVER MEMORIAL SEWER

PLANT."

WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S FULL OF [BLEEP]

JUST LIKE YOU, JOHN.

John: EXCELLENT.

SIMPLY EXCELLENT.

JUST CALLING IT THE "JOHN OLIVER

SEWER PLANT" WOULD HAVE

COMFORTABLY BEEN ENOUGH.

THEY WENT A STEP FARTHER AND

WENT WITH THE "JOHN OLIVER

"MEMORIAL" SEWER PLANT," WHICH

IS COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE,

BECAUSE IT DOES SEEM THAT I'VE

JUST BEEN MURDERED BY THE CITY

OF DANBURY.

AND I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT

THIS, NOT JUST BECAUSE THAT'S

A SUPERB JOKE, BUT BECAUSE I

KNOW JUST HOW VALUABLE THAT

POOP FACTORY IS TO DANBURY.

WE DUG INTO THEIR 2019-2020

ADOPTED BUDGET AND FOUND THAT

DANBURY'S SEWER SYSTEM WAS BY

FAR THE MOST EXPENSIVE PUBLIC

UTILITY PROJECT FOR THAT

FISCAL YEAR.

THEY SPENT $103 MILLION DOLLARS

UPGRADING IT, MORE THAN 20 TIMES

THEIR NEXT BUDGET ITEM.

AND NORMALLY, I'D MAKE SOME EASY

JOKE ABOUT DANBURY BEING A TOWN

SO BACKED UP WITH SHIT THAT IT

HAD TO SPEND NINE FIGURES ON

FIXING THEIR SEWAGE SYSTEM, BUT

THE TRUTH IS, MY OPINION OF THE

CITY HAS NOW CHANGED.

PREVIOUSLY, I'D HAVE SEEN THIS

IMAGE OF A MINK ABOUT TO DIVE

INTO CANDLEWOOD LAKE, AND

ASSUMED IT WAS UNDERSTANDABLY

TRYING TO DROWN ITSELF BECAUSE

OF ITS PROXIMITY TO DANBURY.

BUT NOW I KNOW THAT'S SIMPLY

WRONG.

THAT MINK'S PROBABLY GOT A

DECENT YOUTUBE SHOW...

EVERYONE IN DANBURY SEEMS TO.

IT'S AN INCREDIBLE PLACE.

AND THE TRUTH IS, THINGS HAVE

BEEN SO BLEAK RECENTLY, I NEEDED

SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

SOMETHING TO RESTORE MY FAITH

IN HUMAN NATURE.

AND THAT IS WHY I WAS SO

INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTED TO

THEN SEE THIS.

OUR VIDEO IS IN JEST.

WE'RE NOT REALLY GONNA NAME THE

SEWER PLANT AFTER JOHN OLIVER.

HOWEVER, HE STILL IS FULL OF

[BLEEP], SO I'LL STICK BY THAT.

John: WAIT, SO YOU'RE NOT

DOING IT?

OH, FUCK YOU, DANBURY!

YOU HAD THE FIRST GOOD IDEA

IN YOUR CITY'S HISTORY AND

YOU CHICKENED OUT ON THE

FOLLOW THROUGH?

WHAT A CLASSIC DANBURY MOVE.

LISTEN.

I DIDN'T KNOW I WANTED MY NAME

ON YOUR SHIT FACTORY, BUT NOW

THAT YOU'VE FLOATED IT AS AN

OPTION, IT IS ALL I WANT.

SO LET'S GET DOWN TO BRASS TACKS

HERE, BECAUSE I'VE GOT A VERY

SERIOUS PROPOSITION.

I WILL DONATE $55,000 TO

CHARITIES IN YOUR AREA...

$25,000 TO THIS FOOD BANK,

ANOTHER $25,000 TO FILL ALL

THE REQUESTS, AS OF THIS TAPING,

FROM DANBURY SCHOOLTEACHERS ON

DONORS CHOOSE, AND $5,000 TO ALS

CONNECTICUT... APPARENTLY A

CAUSE CLOSE TO THE HOST OF

THE DANBURY HAT TRICK'S VIDEO.

AND I WILL HAPPILY DO ALL OF

THAT IF, AND ONLY IF, YOUR

MAYOR MAKES GOOD ON HIS PROMISE

TO OFFICIALLY NAME THAT SEWAGE

PLANT AFTER ME.

BECAUSE I WANT THIS.

I NEED THIS.

AND IF YOUR MAYOR IS THINKING,

"HOLD ON... THAT SIGN WAS JUST A

PHOTOSHOP.

I'M NOT GOING TO SPEND PUBLIC

MONEY TO MAKE A REAL ONE"...

DON'T WORRY, THAT HAS BEEN TAKEN

CARE OF FOR YOU.

SO TO YOU, MR. MAYOR, I SAY

THIS, YOU HAVE EXACTLY ONE WEEK

TO RESPOND TO THIS OFFER.

AND PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU, DON'T

DANBURY THIS ONE UP.

BECAUSE IF I DON'T HEAR FROM YOU

IN ONE WEEK, THIS WHOLE OFFER

...CHARITY DONATION, THE SIGN,

EVERYTHING... OPENS UP TO YOUR

RIVAL TOWNS.

YEAH, I'M TALKING ABOUT

WATERBURY.

I'M TALKING ABOUT MILFORD.

I'M EVEN TALKING ABOUT

TORRINGTON.

YEAH, DANBURY, TORRINGTON!

I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE WITH

INTEREST!

THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

WE'RE OFF THE NEXT COUPLE OF

WEEKS, BACK SEPTEMBER 27th.

SEE YOU THEN, GOOD NIGHT!

YOUR MOVE, DANBURY.

YOUR MOVE.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU.

I WANT MY SEWAGE PLANT!