Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (2014–…): Season 7, Episode 22 - Border Wall - full transcript

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John: HI THERE!

WELCOME TO THE SHOW STILL

TAKING PLACE IN THIS BLANK VOID.

THINK OF IT AS THE INSIDE OF

AN OYSTER, MAKING ME THE PEARL.

WHICH DOES MAKE SENSE... I'M A

SMALL WHITE IRRITANT TO WHICH

SOME PEOPLE HAVE INEXPLICABLY

ASSIGNED VALUE.



THIS WAS A BUSY WEEK, DOMINATED

BY THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL

CONVENTION, WHICH HAD TO BE HELD

VIRTUALLY THIS YEAR DUE TO...

Y'KNOW.

AND THIS MEANT THINGS LOOKED

SIGNIFICANTLY DIFFERENT... OR,

AS PEOPLE ON TV PREFERRED TO PUT

THAT:

WE'RE CALLING THIS THE

UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTION.

AN UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTION.

UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTION.

UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTION.



I KNOW EVERYONE HAS BEEN

SAYING... IT'S A CLICHE...

AN UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTION,

AND IT HAS BEEN AN

UNCONVENTIONAL CONVENTION.

John: YEAH, OKAY, WE GET IT.

IT WAS AN "UNCONVENTIONAL

CONVENTION."

THE THING IS, THAT'S ONE OF

THOSE PHRASES THAT SOUNDS LIKE

IT HAS GRAVITY, BUT ACTUALLY

MEANS NEXT TO NOTHING, LIKE

"IT IS WHAT IT IS" OR

"QUIBI EXCLUSIVE."

AND WHILE THE LACK OF ATTENDEES

DID MAKE SOME THINGS AWKWARD,

THERE WERE UPSIDES, TOO.

FOR INSTANCE, THE ROLL CALL OF

DELEGATES WAS DONE VIRTUALLY

THIS YEAR, WITH STATES AND

TERRITORIES FINDING NOVEL WAYS

TO SHOWCASE THEMSELVES.

HAWAII RUBBED THEIR BEACHES IN

EVERYONE'S FACE, PETE BUTTIGIEG

SHOWED OFF WHAT I CAN ONLY

ASSUME IS HIS NEW SOCIAL MEDIA

START-UP, AND THE ENTIRE

POPULATION OF MONTANA TURNED UP.

BUT IT WAS THE STATE OF

RHODE ISLAND THAT STOLE THE SHOW

WITH THIS MOMENT.

RHODE ISLAND, THE OCEAN

STATE.

OUR STATE APPETIZER,

CALAMARI, IS AVAILABLE

IN ALL 50 STATES.

John: YEAH, THAT WAS RHODE

ISLAND'S DEMOCRATIC PARTY

CHAIRMAN PLEDGING DELEGATES

WHILE STANDING NEXT TO

A CALAMARI NINJA.

AND I HAD NO IDEA THAT CALAMARI

WAS RHODE ISLAND'S OFFICIAL

STATE APPETIZER.

IT MIGHT BE THE FIRST THING I'VE

LEARNED ABOUT THAT STATE THAT

I'VE ACTUALLY LIKED.

ASIDE FROM, OF COURSE, THE FACT

THAT IT DOESN'T INCLUDE THE CITY

OF DANBURY, CONNECTICUT.

I'VE SAID IT BEFORE:

FUCK DANBURY!

BABIES, ELDERLY, PETS, BUILDINGS

...ALL OF YOU CAN GO FUCK

YOURSELVES.

IN TERMS OF TONE, THE DNC SPENT

THE WEEK STEERING HARD TOWARD

THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

BECAUSE WHILE, YES, THERE WERE

BRIEF APPEARANCES FROM STARS

LIKE AOC AND STACEY ABRAMS,

A LOT OF TIME WAS GIVEN TO

REPUBLICANS LIKE MEG WHITMAN,

COLIN POWELL, AND JOHN KASICH,

WHO DELIVERED HIS REMARKS

STANDING AT A LITERAL

CROSSROADS.

AND IT'S HARD TO CONVINCE

PROGRESSIVE VOTERS THAT YOU'RE

A FORWARD-LOOKING PARTY WHEN

YOUR CONVENTION FEELS LIKE A

ZOOM CAST REUNION, EXCEPT

THE SHOW IS "THE 2008 RNC."

AS FOR BIDEN, HIS NOMINATION

SPEECH ALSO PLAYED IT SAFE,

SHOWCASING HIS WARMTH AND

HIS EMPATHY.

BUT WHILE HE NAME-CHECKED

BROAD GOALS LIKE "EXPANDING

CHILD CARE" OR "ENDING RACISM,"

THE SPEECH WAS LIGHT ON DETAIL,

AND HEAVY ON LINES LIKE THIS:

THIS WILL DETERMINE WHAT

AMERICA IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE

FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.

CHARACTER IS ON THE BALLOT.

COMPASSION IS ON THE BALLOT.

DECENCY, SCIENCE, DEMOCRACY.

THEY'RE ALL ON THE BALLOT.

John: OKAY, NOW NORMALLY I

WOULD POINT OUT THAT PASSION AND

DECENCY ARE NOT

OPEN AUTHORITARIANISM

INITIATIVES, CONSIDERING

IS ALSO ON THE BALLOT, SURE,

WHAT THE FUCK... ADEQUATE VS.

EVIL.

LET'S GO.

AND I'M HONESTLY NOT SAYING IT'S

A MISTAKE FOR THE DNC TO SPEND

FOUR DAYS POINTING OUT THAT

JOE BIDEN'S NOT DONALD TRUMP.

IT'S A VERY ATTRACTIVE QUALITY.

BUT SPENDING SO MUCH OF THEIR

CONVENTION UNDERSCORING TRUMP'S

UNFITNESS FOR OFFICE MAY'VE BEEN

REDUNDANT, GIVEN THAT TRUMP

SPENT THE ENTIRE WEEK BASICALLY

MAKING THAT CASE FOR THEM,

BY CONTINUING TO SOW DISTRUST

OF VOTING BY MAIL, CALLING FOR

A BOYCOTT OF AN AMERICAN COMPANY

THAT EMPLOYS OVER 60,000

WORKERS, AND REFUSING TO DISAVOW

THE QANON CONSPIRACY THEORY.

BUT AS APPALLING AND

UNSURPRISING AS ALL OF THAT IS,

THE BIGGEST NEWS REGARDING HIM

ACTUALLY GOT BURIED THIS WEEK,

AND IT WAS THIS:

TONIGHT, THE REPUBLICAN-LED

SENATE INTELLIGENCE COMMITTEE

RELEASING ITS FINAL REPORT,

DECLARING THE 2016 TRUMP

CAMPAIGN HAD REPEATED CONTACTS

WITH RUSSIAN OPERATIVES.

John: YEAH, THE SENATE'S

REPORT CONFIRMED TRUMP'S

CAMPAIGN WAS UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE

TO RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE.

IT'S SOMETHING WE ALREADY KNEW,

BUT IT IS STILL NICE TO HAVE IT

IN WRITING, LIKE WHEN YOUR DAD

SIGNS A BIRTHDAY CARD WITH

"I LOVE YOU."

SURE, HE MAY NOT BE EMOTIONALLY

READY TO SAY IT OUT LOUD, BUT AT

LEAST HE HAD YOUR MOM SCRIBBLE

IT ON TOP OF GARFIELD'S ASS.

THAT'S NOT NOTHING.

IS IT?

THIS REPORT HAS NEW DETAILS, AND

CITES TRUMP'S FORMER CAMPAIGN

MANAGER, PAUL MANAFORT'S

WILLINGNESS TO SHARE INFORMATION

WITH INDIVIDUALS CLOSELY

AFFILIATED WITH RUSSIAN

INTELLIGENCE AS A GRAVE

COUNTERINTELLIGENCE THREAT.

NOT ONLY THAT, IT DETAILS HOW

ROGER STONE TRIED TO GET

WIKILEAKS TO DROP DAMAGING

EMAILS FROM HILLARY CLINTON'S

CAMPAIGN CHAIR, JUST AS THE

"ACCESS HOLLYWOOD" TAPE

CAME OUT.

AND WHILE TRUMP DENIED KNOWLEDGE

OF STONE'S ACTIVITIES TO

ROBERT MUELLER, THIS REPORT HAS

PUT ONE HELL OF AN ASTERISK

ON THAT.

THE COMMITTEE ASSESSES THAT

TRUMP DID, IN FACT, SPEAK WITH

STONE ABOUT WIKILEAKS ON

MULTIPLE OCCASIONS.

John: YEAH, OF COURSE.

NOT ONLY DID EVERYONE ASSUME

THAT, BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

TRUMP WOULDN'T HAVE REMEMBERED

THAT CONVERSATION.

HOW WOULD ANYONE FORGET TALKING

TO ROGER STONE, A MAN WHO CAN

BEST BE DESCRIBED AS

VISUALLY TOO FUCKING MUCH?

THE BIPARTISAN REPORT... WHICH,

REMEMBER, COMES FROM A

REPUBLICAN-LED SENATE COMMITTEE

...IS A TRULY DAMNING INDICTMENT

OF TRUMP'S CHARACTER,

UNDERSCORING JUST HOW IMPORTANT

THE ELECTION IN NOVEMBER IS.

AND AS MUCH AS THE DNC'S

PLATFORM OF "BIDEN IS NOT TRUMP"

SHOULD BE AN OVERWHELMINGLY

SUCCESSFUL STRATEGY, THE TRUTH

IS TRUMP STILL HAS A VERY REAL

CHANCE AT WINNING RE-ELECTION.

TAKE THAT RHODE ISLAND CALIMARI

CHEF.

"THE WASHINGTON POST" TRACKED

HIM DOWN, AND HE SAID HE'S NOT

SURE IF HE'LL VOTE FOR BIDEN

AT ALL, ADDING, HE DOESN'T

KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE DEMOCRATIC

NOMINEE.

AND IT'S PRETTY FRUSTRATING TO

CLAIM YOU'RE ONLY VAGUELY AWARE

OF BIDEN.

BECAUSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A

FORMER VICE PRESIDENT WHO'S BEEN

IN PUBLIC OFFICE FOR NEARLY

50 YEARS, NOT

PENN FUCKING BADGLEY.

AND WHILE YOUR INSTINCTIVE

REACTION MIGHT BE, "HOW THE FUCK

CAN ANYONE STILL BE UNDECIDED?"

THE SAD FACT IS, LOTS OF PEOPLE

STILL ARE.

SO I REALLY HOPE THE DNC'S

STRATEGY THIS WEEK OF WOOING

UNDECIDED VOTERS WITH THE STAR

POWER OF JOHN KASICH AND

MEG WHITMAN PAYS OFF.

BECAUSE IF THE DEMOCRATS JUST

SPENT A WEEK WOOING CONSERVATIVE

WHO ULTIMATELY END

UP VOTING REPUBLICAN, THEN THIS

WILL HAVE TURNED OUT TO BE

A DEPRESSINGLY CONVENTIONAL

CONVENTION.

AND NOW THIS.

Announcer: AND NOW...

YES, IT'S STILL AUGUST, BUT

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

PUMPKIN SPICE SEASON IS

STARTING EARLIER THAN EVER THIS

YEAR.

I FEEL LIKE EVERY YEAR, IT GETS

EARLIER AND EARLIER.

PUMPKIN SPICE SEASON HAS COME

EARLIER AND IS COMING FOR THE

REMAINS OF YOUR FRAGILE PSYCHE!

WE ALL KNOW PUMPKIN SPICE

SEASON, IT IS INEVITABLE.

IS INEVITABLE!

YOU SHALL BE CRADLED IN THE

FRAGMENT PUMPKIN ARMS OF THE

SPICE!

IF YOU WANT TO GO BUY A

PUMPKIN COFFEE, DO IT.

DO IT.

DO IT!

DO IT!

ARE YOU PUMPKIN SPICE?

I'M NOT.

NO, I'M NOT EITHER.

WE JUST WANT THE REGULAR

COFFEE.

YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!

REGULAR COFFEE LIKE THE PRECIOUS

THOUGHTS OF A MARBLE FRIEND IS

NOT LIKE A VIVID MEMORY!

I HAVE NEVER HAD A PUMPKIN

SPICE LATTE.

IT IS REALLY GOOD.

OH, MY GOD, IT IS SO FUCKING

GOOD!

YOU HAVE TO TRY IT!

JILL!

EVERY YEAR, PEOPLE WHO LIKE

PUMPKIN SPICE KIND OF GET MADE

FUN OF.

YES, THEY DO.

2020 HAS BEEN, MIGHT I SAY,

HE DUM DUMPSTER FIRE.

LET THEM HAVE THE PUMPKIN SPICE.

PUMPKIN SPICE IS ALL WE HAVE

LEFT!

John: MOVING ON.

FOR OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT,

WE THOUGHT WE'D LOOK AT

THE BORDER WALL.

ONE OF THE MORE DEPRESSING

THINGS FROM 2016, TIED WITH THE

REBOOT OF "GILMORE GIRLS CLOSE."

WHO WAS PAUL?

NOT ENOUGH PARIS.

WINDED BOTH OF THESE WOMEN

FORGET?

WHO THE ABSOLUTE FUCK WAS PAUL?

#TeamLoganForLife.

IT WAS THE KEY PROMISE OF

TRUMP'S FIRST CAMPAIGN.

HE TALKED ABOUT IT CONSTANTLY,

EVEN FAMOUSLY MANAGING TO

INADVERTENTLY POINT OUT KEY

FLAWS IN THE IDEA, LIKE THIS:

THERE'S NO LADDER GOING

OVER THAT.

IF THEY EVER GET UP THERE,

THEY'RE IN TROUBLE, BECAUSE

THERE'S NO WAY TO GET DOWN.

MAYBE A ROPE.

John: YEAH, MAYBE A ROPE.

THAT WAS TRUMP, RECOGNIZING IN

REAL TIME THAT HIS SIGNATURE

PLAN COULD BE COMPLETELY UNDONE

BY THICK STRING.

IF THAT CLIP'S FAMILIAR TO YOU,

IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE WE PLAYED IT

IN OUR FIRST PIECE ON THE WALL

FOUR YEARS AGO, WHEN I WAS

APPROXIMATELY 50 YEARS YOUNGER.

AND IN THAT SHOW, WE DISCUSSED

HOW THE WALL SEEMED... IN

ADDITION TO BEING TRANSPARENTLY

RACIST... LIKE IT WAS GOING TO

BE BOTH EXPENSIVE AND POINTLESS.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE

NOTICED, BUT TRUMP IS PRESIDENT

NOW, AND HAS SPENT THE LAST

THREE AND A HALF YEARS PUTTING

HIS PLAN INTO ACTION.

IN FACT, JUST BEFORE THE

PANDEMIC, HE WAS REASSURING

ATTENDEES AT A RALLY THAT THINGS

WERE GOING GREAT.

WE'LL SOON BE BUILDING MANY

MANY MILES A WEEK, BUT WE'RE UP

TO OVER 125.

I GUESS, 127 OR 28 MILES OF THIS

SUPER-DUPER WALL, SUPER-DUPER.

John: I'M SORRY,

"THE SUPER-DUPER WALL?"

THAT SOUNDS LESS LIKE A

DESCRIPTION OF BORDER FENCING

AND MORE LIKE THE NAME OF AN

OFF-BRAND PLAY SET RECALLED

BECAUSE IT COLLAPSED ON A BUNCH

OF SMALL CHILDREN.

LISTEN TO ME!

DO NOT BUY "THE SUPER-DUPER

WALL!"

UNLESS YOU WANT TO WIND UP WITH

A PILE OF CRACKED FIBERGLASS AND

A FLATTENED TODDLER.

BUT CLEARLY, THE WALL IS BY NO

MEANS SUPER-DUPER.

AND WHILE WE PREDICTED THE WHOLE

THING WOULD BE A SHAMBLES,

THE EXTENT TO WHICH THAT'S BEEN

TRUE, EVEN WE DIDN'T SEE COMING.

TAKE WHAT HAPPENED JUST THIS

THURSDAY.

STEVE BANNON AND THREE OTHERS

ARE ACCUSED OF DEFRAUDING

HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE

BY PERSONALLY PROFITING OFF

ASCHEME TO RAISE MONEY TO HELP

BUILD PRESIDENT TRUMP'S

BORDER WALL.

John: YEAH, STEVE BANNON,

THE PRESIDENT'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER

AND FORMER CHIEF STRATEGIST,

WAS ARRESTED!

WHICH IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS

YOU KNEW WOULD EVENTUALLY

HAPPEN, BUT ARE PLEASANTLY

SURPRISED THAT IT HAPPENED SO

SOON, LIKE JENNIFER LAWRENCE'S

OSCAR WIN, OR ROGER AILES'

DEATH.

AND THE STORY BEHIND THAT ARREST

IS ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING, AND I

PROMISE WE'LL GET INTO IT LATER

IN THIS PIECE.

BUT WE THOUGHT TONIGHT...

ESPECIALLY AHEAD OF THE RNC

NEXT WEEK... IT'D BE A GOOD TIME

TO GIVE YOU AN UPDATE ON THE

STATUS OF TRUMP'S BORDER WALL.

BECAUSE BEFORE HE TOOK OFFICE,

HE WANTED IT TO DEFINE HIM AS

A PRESIDENT.

AND THAT HAS VERY MUCH HAPPENED,

BUT IN NONE OF THE WAYS

THAT HE INTENDED.

SO LET'S TRY AND BREAK DOWN

A FEW THINGS: WHAT HE'S BUILT,

WHAT DAMAGE IT'S DONE, AND

CRUCIALLY, WHO'S BEEN DOING

SOME OF THE BUILDING.

AND LET'S START WITH WHAT,

EXACTLY, HE HAS BUILT.

BECAUSE FROM THE START, TRUMP

INSISTED THAT HE WANTED A

CONCRETE WALL... SOMETHING MANY

BORDER PATROL AGENTS HAD ADVISED

HIM AGAINST BECAUSE IT WOULD

BLOCK THEIR VIEW OF WHAT WAS

GOING ON BEHIND IT.

YET TRUMP WAS STILL SO INSISTENT

ON IT THAT LESS THAN A YEAR INTO

HIS TERM, THIS HAPPENED.

PRESIDENT TRUMP SAID HE

WANTED A BIG, FAT BEAUTIFUL

WALL.

THESE ARE HIS 30 BY 30 FOOT

OPTIONS.

ONE OF THESE EIGHT CONTESTANTS

COULD SOON STRETCH ACROSS THE

BORDER.

THERE'S A CHANCE THAT ONE OF

THEM GETS... ONE OF THEM GETS

ELECTED, EIGHT OF THEM GET

SELECTED, OR A MIX OF THEIR

CHARACTERISTICS GET SELECTED FOR

CONSTRUCTION.

John: YEAH, TRUMP ESSENTIALLY

ORGANIZED A WALL PAGEANT.

AND LOOK, IF YOU'RE GOING TO

HOLD A WEIRD CONTEST IN THE

MIDDLE OF THE DESERT, AT LEAST

MAKE IT SAUDI ARABIA'S ACTUAL

BEAUTY PAGEANT FOR CAMELS.

A REAL, ANNUAL EVENT WHERE THE

HOTTEST CAMELS ARE EVALUATED ON

THE "FULLNESS OF THEIR LIPS,

HOW GRACEFULLY THEY WALK, AND

THE SIZE OF THEIR HUMPS."

AND YOU MIGHT BE THINKING, "WOW,

IT'S PRETTY PROBLEMATIC TO

OBJECTIFY CAMELS LIKE THAT,"

BUT THE FACT IS, THIS CONTEST IS

ACTUALLY ONE OF THE BIGGEST

SCHOLARSHIP OPPORTUNITIES THEY

HAVE.

AND DO YOU REALLY THINK NOW IS

THE TIME TO ARGUE WE NEED FEWER

CAMELS IN STEM?

OF COURSE NOT.

GET REAL.

BE AN ALLY.

BUT IT'S TRUE.

EIGHT PROTOTYPES WERE BUILT, SO

THEY COULD TEST THEM TO FIGURE

OUT WHICH WOULD WORK BEST.

AND IT DIDN'T GO WELL.

A GOVERNMENT REPORT FOUND EVERY

MOCK-UP WAS "DEEMED VULNERABLE

TO AT LEAST ONE BREACHING

TECHNIQUE," WITH ONE HAVING

THE "POTENTIAL TO IMPACT

THE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY OF

THE ENTIRE MOCK-UP."

WHICH IS RIDICULOUS.

WE ALL KNOW, THE ONLY WALL THAT

SHOULD BE IN DANGER OF

COLLAPSING IS THE

"SUPER-DUPER WALL!"

I'M SERIOUS... DO NOT BUY THAT

WALL!

IT WILL SQUISH YOUR CHILD

LIKE A PANINI.

SO THE DESIGN THEY ENDED UP

GOING WITH WAS A WALL OF SLATS,

OR BOLLARDS, TOPPED BY A METAL

ANTI-CLIMBING PLATE.

AND TRUMP DID NOT LIKE THAT,

REPORTEDLY TELLING OFFICIALS

"HE THINKS IT'S UGLY."

AND I HAVE TO SAY... HE'S NOT

ACTUALLY WRONG THERE.

I DON'T MEAN TO WALL-SHAME,

BUT IF I HAD A LIST OF HOT

WALLS, THAT ONE WOULDN'T CRACK

THE TOP 30.

THIS STONE WALL?

SCORCHING HOT.

THIS WOODEN ONE?

CALL ME TOMORROW, YOU BIG,

TEASE.

THIS HUMAN WALL?

I THINK WE ALL KNOW I FEEL ABOUT

THAT.

COLLAPSE ON MY CHEST,

YOU IMPENETRABLE BARRIER.

CRUSH MY RIB CAGE, YOU

LOAD-BEARING BEHEMOTH.

BUT THIS BORDER WALL?

NO, THANK YOU.

THAT'S A HARD PASS FROM BOTH ME

AND THE PRESIDENT.

STILL, TRUMP INSISTS THAT

REGARDLESS OF HOW IT LOOKS,

THE IMPORTANT THING IS,

IT WORKS.

WE ACTUALLY BUILT PROTOTYPES

AND WE HAVE, I GUESS YOU COULD

SAY, WORLD-CLASS MOUNTAIN

CLIMBERS.

WE GOT CLIMBERS.

WE HAD 20 MOUNTAIN

CLIMBERS... THAT'S ALL THEY DO,

THEY LOVE TO CLIMB MOUNTAINS.

THEY CAN HAVE IT.

ME, I DON'T WANT TO CLIMB

MOUNTAINS.

BUT THEY'RE VERY GOOD.

AND SOME OF 'EM WERE CHAMPIONS.

AND WE GAVE THEM DIFFERENT

PROTOTYPES OF WALLS.

AND THIS WAS THE ONE THAT WAS

HARDEST TO CLIMB.

John: OKAY, HOLD ON.

THERE'S NO NEED FOR TRUMP TO SAY

"I DON'T WANT TO CLIMB

MOUNTAINS."

THAT WAS... AND I CANNOT STRESS

THIS ENOUGH... ASSUMED.

IF I KNEW NOTHING ELSE ABOUT

DONALD TRUMP, BASED SOLELY ON

HIS APPEARANCE, I'D IMMEDIATELY

MAKE THREE ASSUMPTIONS:

BAD KNEES.

WEIRD DICK.

DOESN'T WANT TO CLIMB MOUNTAINS.

HE'S GIVING ME INFORMATION

I ALREADY HAVE.

AND OBVIOUSLY, THAT CLAIM IS

BULLSHIT, NOT JUST BECAUSE

NOBODY'S BEEN ABLE TO FIND THOSE

CHAMPION CLIMBERS, BUT ALSO

BECAUSE OF THIS:

PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS CALLED

THESE REFURBISHED WALLS

UNCLIMBABLE.

BUT THIS VIDEO POSTED JUST

YESTERDAY ON SOCIAL MEDIA SHOWS

TWO MEN SCALING A REPLACED

PORTION OF THE WALL IN

CALIFORNIA.

John: YEAH, OF COURSE!

YOU DON'T EVEN NEED A ROPE IF IT

CAN FUNCTION LIKE A FIREMAN'S

POLE.

SO TO RECAP WHAT WE'VE LEARNED

ABOUT WALLS SO FAR: FUCKABLE.

DEFINITELY FUCKABLE.

AND VERY MUCH CLIMBABLE.

SO THAT IS WHAT THE WALL

LOOKS LIKE.

THE NEXT QUESTION IS WHERE,

EXACTLY, ARE WE BUILDING IT?

WELL, AS WE POINTED OUT IN OUR

FIRST PIECE, FINDING PLACES

WHERE YOU CAN BUILD THE WALL IS

A BIT OF A CHALLENGE.

UNDER PRESIDENTS CLINTON, BUSH,

AND OBAMA, HUNDREDS OF MILES OF

BORDER BARRIER HAD ALREADY BEEN

CONSTRUCTED, AND MUCH OF THE

REST OF THE BORDER IS ALREADY

COVERED BY NATURAL BARRIERS,

OR IS ON PRIVATE PROPERTY.

SO WHAT TRUMP DID WAS START

BUILDING IN THE PLACES WHERE IT

WAS EASIEST TO DO THAT...

SPECIFICALLY, WHERE BARRIERS

WERE ALREADY IN PLACE.

IN FACT, OF THE 275 MILES OF

NEW WALL TRUMP HAS COMPLETED

TO DATE, ONLY FIVE MILES ARE IN

LOCATIONS WHERE NO BARRIERS

AT ALL PREVIOUSLY EXISTED.

IT MAY BE TEMPTING TO THINK,

"OH, WELL, THEN HE HASN'T DONE

VERY MUCH, HAS HE?"

BUT TRUMP'S ACTING SECRETARY OF

HOMELAND SECURITY, A MAN NAMED

CHAD WOLF, PUSHES BACK ON THAT

CLAIM, HARD.

AND YOU PUT UP WHAT'S BEHIND

US.

THAT'S NOT REPLACEMENT WALL.

THAT IS A NEW WALL.

THAT IS A NEW PHYSICAL

INFRASTRUCTURE.

I JUST... I DON'T... I DON'T

AGREE WITH THE ASSERTION THAT

WE'RE SIMPLY REPLACING WALL.

John: OKAY, FIRST, LET'S DEAL

WITH THE SHEER "CHAD WOLF" -INESS

OF THIS MAN.

IF I LOST ALL OF MY MEMORIES AND

FELL INTO A COMA FOR 30 YEARS,

OPENED MY EYES, AND SAW HIM,

THE FIRST WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH

WOULD BE, "YOU MUST BE

CHAD WOLF."

HE LOOKS LIKE THE MODEL FOR A

KNOCKOFF "TOP GUN" COSTUME

YOU FIND AT PARTY CITY CALLED,

"TOP FLIGHT FAST PILOT COSTUME:

USA!"

HE LOOKS LIKE HIS PARENTS

STARTED WITH THE NAME

"CHAD WOLF" AND THEN FOUND

A BABY TO MATCH.

BUT HE IS ACTUALLY RIGHT THERE.

THE REPLACEMENT WALL IS

A COMPLETELY NEW PHYSICAL

INFRASTRUCTURE.

I'LL SHOW YOU: HERE'S THE OLD

BARRIER IN A SECTION OF

ARIZONA.

HERE IS THE NEW STRUCTURE.

THOSE ARE VERY DIFFERENT.

CLAIMING THAT THEY'RE THE SAME

BECAUSE THEY'RE TECHNICALLY

BARRIERS IS LIKE CLAIMING THAT

JOHN CENA AND I ARE THE SAME

BECAUSE WE'RE THE EXACT SAME

AGE AND WE'RE BOTH NAMED JOHN.

SURE, YEAH, ON PAPER, THERE ARE

SOME SIMILARITIES.

BUT WHEN YOU COMPARE THE TWO

SIDE BY SIDE, ONE IS GIGANTIC,

AND THE OTHER LOOKS LIKE IT

MIGHT COLLAPSE IF YOU PRESS ON

IT TOO HARD.

BUT, CRUCIALLY, THESE MASSIVE

NEW BARRIERS ARE CAUSING

SIGNIFICANT PROBLEMS, DISRUPTING

ANIMALS' MIGRATORY PATTERNS, AND

SLICING UP PEOPLE'S LAND.

AND THE THING IS, FOR WHAT?

IF THIS IS ABOUT STOPPING DRUGS

OR PEOPLE FROM ENTERING THE

COUNTRY, IT'S WORTH REMEMBERING,

MOST OF THAT HAPPENS THROUGH OUR

PORTS OF ENTRY.

AND EVEN THE DEPARTMENT OF

HOMELAND SECURITY'S OWN

INSPECTOR GENERAL ISSUED

A SCATHING REPORT JUST LAST

MONTH SAYING THE ADMINISTRATION

"DID NOT USE A SOUND METHODOLOGY

TO IDENTIFY AND PRIORITIZE

INVESTMENTS IN AREAS ALONG THE

BORDER THAT WOULD BEST BENEFIT

FROM PHYSICAL BARRIERS."

IN OTHER WORDS, PUTTING WALLS

WHERE WE'VE BEEN PUTTING THEM

JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

AND IF YOU WANT TO SEE JUST HOW

NONSENSICAL, NEW SECTIONS ARE

CURRENTLY GOING UP ALONG

THE TOP OF THESE JAGGED

MOUNTAINS IN A NATIONAL WILDLIFE

REFUGE, WHICH IS JUST UTTERLY

INSANE.

AND THIS IS COSTING A LOT OF

MONEY.

MEXICO, OBVIOUSLY, IS NOT PAYING

FOR THE WALL.

INSTEAD, WE ARE, AND IN THE

DUMBEST WAY POSSIBLE.

SO FAR TRUMP HAS GARNERED

$15 BILLION OF TAXPAYER MONEY

FOR THE WALL... BUT ONLY

$5 BILLION OF THAT WAS PROVIDED

BY CONGRESS.

TRUMP DECLARED A NATIONAL

EMERGENCY AT THE SOUTHERN BORDER

SO HE COULD TAP INTO PENTAGON

ACCOUNTS FOR THE REST.

THAT REDIRECTION OF FUNDS

DIVERTED MONEY THAT HAD BEEN SET

ASIDE FOR THINGS LIKE REPLACING

AN OVERCROWDED MIDDLE SCHOOL ON

A KENTUCKY MILITARY BASE, OR

REPAIRING A DAYCARE FOR SERVICE

MEMBERS' CHILDREN, WHICH

REPORTEDLY SUFFERED FROM SEWAGE

BACKUPS, FLOODING, MOLD, AND

PESTS.

AND WHEN ASKED TO JUSTIFY

THOSE DECISIONS,

SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM HAD

A PRETTY AMAZING RATIONALE.

LET'S JUST SAY FOR A MOMENT

THAT HE TOOK SOME MONEY OUT OF

THE MILITARY CONSTRUCTION

BUDGET.

I WOULD SAY IT'S BETTER FOR

THE MIDDLE SCHOOL KIDS

IN KENTUCKY TO HAVE

A SECURE BORDER.

WE'LL GET THEM THE SCHOOL THEY

NEED, BUT RIGHT NOW, WE'VE GOT

A NATIONAL EMERGENCY ON OUR

HANDS.

John: WOW.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT IS BAD.

FROM THE IDEA THAT TRUMP'S

NATIONAL EMERGENCY DECLARATION

WAS JUSTIFIED... WHICH IT

WASN'T.

TO THE IDEA THAT HIS VANITY

PROJECT IS "BETTER FOR MIDDLE

SCHOOL KIDS" THAN A NEW SCHOOL,

WHICH IT'S NOT.

TO THAT TIE, WHICH LOOKS LIKE

A CANDY CANE THAT MELTED ON HIS

SHIRT.

IT LOOKS LIKE THE TIE THAT

SANTA CLAUS WEARS TO

ELF FUNERALS.

IT'S THE WORST THING IN THAT

SHOT, WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING

BECAUSE THAT SHOT ALSO INCLUDES

LINDSEY GRAHAM.

AND THAT BRINGS US TO OUR FINAL

QUESTION: WHO'S BUILDING THIS?

BECAUSE THE ANSWERS TO THAT ARE

ACTUALLY A LITTLE SURPRISING.

JUST LOOK AT ONE OF THE

COMPANIES THAT WAS INVITED TO

TAKE PART IN THAT AMERICA'S NEXT

TOP WALL IN THE DESERT

COMPETITION,

FISHER SAND & GRAVEL.

THE HEAD OF THE COMPANY,

TOMMY FISHER, KNOWS HOW TO CURRY

FAVOR WITH TRUMP.

HERE HE IS ON LAURA INGRAHAM'S

SHOW, GIVING HIM THE HARD SELL.

IF HE ALLOWS US TO PLAY IN,

OUR TEAM OF FISHER INDUSTRIES TO

PLAY, I GUARANTEE YOU, NO

DIFFERENT THAN TOM BRADY, ONCE

WE GET IN, WE NEVER COME OUT.

AND IF WE DON'T PERFORM,

THE PRESIDENT CAN FIRE US,

AND THAT'S HOW COMFORTABLE AND

CONFIDENT I AM IS WHEN PEOPLE

SEE WHAT WE REALLY OFFER.

I LOVE IT!

I LOVE IT.

I'M NOT TAKING SIDES ON WHICH

PROTOTYPE IS BEST, BUT THIS IS

WHY YOU'RE A GOOD BUSINESSMAN.

John: "I LOVE IT!"

I DIDN'T THINK LAURA INGRAHAM

WAS CAPABLE OF THAT LEVEL OF

DELIGHT, BUT IT TURNS OUT HER

LOVE LANGUAGE IS WHITE MEN

BEGGING FOR ATTENTION.

BECAUSE THAT MAN IS THIRSTY

AS FUCK.

"I'LL WIN FOR YOU, DADDY, JUST

LIKE THAT TOM BRADY YOU LIKE!

AND IF I DON'T, YOU CAN FIRE ME

LIKE YOU USED TO ON TV."

AND THAT WAS, BY NO MEANS,

FISHER'S ONLY APPEARANCE ON FOX.

HE WENT ON THE NETWORK TEN TIMES

TO PRAISE THE PRESIDENT AND SELL

HIS WALL.

AND THESE APPEARANCES SEEMED TO

HAVE AN EFFECT.

BECAUSE WHILE BOTH DHS AND THE

ARMY CORPS OF ENGINEERS ACTUALLY

TURNED DOWN FISHER'S INITIAL

WALL DESIGNS BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T

MEET OPERATIONAL REQUIREMENTS,

FISHER'S COMPANY WAS

NEVERTHELESS ADDED TO A SMALL

LIST OF PRE-APPROVED BIDDERS

THANKS TO PERSONAL PRESSURE FROM

THE PRESIDENT, WHO... ACCORDING

TO ONE OF THE SENATORS FROM

FISHER'S HOME STATE... LIKED

FISHER BECAUSE HE HAD SEEN HIM

ON TELEVISION.

AND OF COURSE HE DID!

TRUMP IS LIKE A SHUT-IN WHO SITS

AT HOME ALL DAY AND ORDERS WHAT

HE SEES ON FOX, BUT INSTEAD OF

ORDERING LEGENDZ XL MALE

ENHANCEMENT PILLS, HE PICKS

COMPANIES TO BUILD A GIANT WALL

ACROSS THE BORDER.

BUT JUST AS WITH BONER PILLS,

YOU SHOULDN'T JUST BUY SOMETHING

BECAUSE YOU SAW IT ON TV.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO AT LEAST

GOOGLE IT FIRST.

BECAUSE FISHER'S COMPANY HAD

A LOT OF OBVIOUS RED FLAGS.

FISHER HAS BEEN HIT WITH

LAWSUITS, ONE FROM THE FEDERAL

GOVERNMENT FOR SEXUAL

DISCRIMINATION IN NEW MEXICO.

IT SETTLED FOR 150 GRAND.

THE COMPANY AND THE FOUNDER'S

SON WERE BOTH ACCUSED OF

TAX FRAUD IN 2009.

THE SON PLEADED GUILTY,

THE COMPANY PAID MORE THAN A

MILLION IN BACK TAXES.

John: WOW.

SO THEY CHEATED TO GET AHEAD,

GOT CAUGHT, AND YET, THEY'RE

STILL AROUND.

THEY REALLY ARE THE TOM BRADY OF

THE CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRY.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE, BECAUSE

OVER THE YEARS, THEY'VE ALSO

RACKED UP AROUND 2,000 VIOLATION

NOTICES FROM CITY, COUNTY,

STATE, AND FEDERAL REGULATORY

BODIES, INCLUDING 469 CRIMINAL

CHARGES FOR VIOLATIONS IN

PHOENIX, WHERE THE COMPANY RAN

AN ASPHALT PLANT... CHARGES ONLY

REDUCED TO CIVIL PENALTIES AFTER

FISHER AGREED TO PERMANENTLY

CLOSE IT.

BUT WAIT... I'M NOT DONE.

LOCAL GOVERNMENTS HAVE REJECTED

THEIR BIDS ON CONTRACTS DUE TO

EVEN MORE SKETCHY DETAILS FROM

THEIR PAST, INCLUDING THE FACT

THE FORMER HEAD OF THEIR FAMILY

OF COMPANIES, FISHER INDUSTRIES,

WAS CONVICTED FOR

CHILD PORNOGRAPHY.

AND SEXUAL HARASSMENT,

TAX FRAUD, FEDERAL VIOLATIONS,

AND CHILD PORNOGRAPHY IS NOT A

GREAT LIST FOR A COMPANY VYING

TO RECEIVE GOVERNMENT MONEY,

IT'S NOT EVEN A GREAT LIST FOR

THE "OZARK" SEASON FOUR WRITER'S

ROOM.

GUYS, GUYS, THAT'S TOO MUCH.

NOT EVEN JASON BATEMAN CAN MAKE

THOSE CRIMES LIKEABLE!

AND YET, FISHER WAS INCREDIBLY

SAVVY ABOUT HOW TO APPEAL TO

TRUMP... NOT JUST WITH HIS

CONSTANT TV APPEARANCES, BUT

ALSO BY HOOKING UP WITH "WE

BUILD THE WALL"... THAT IS THE

NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION THAT

LED TO STEVE BANNON'S ARREST

ON THURSDAY.

IT WAS FOUNDED BY A VETERAN

NAMED BRIAN KOLFAGE, AND IT TOOK

MONEY FROM INDIVIDUAL DONORS,

WITH THE PROMISE THAT IT WOULD

BUILD NEW SECTIONS OF WALL ON

PRIVATE LAND.

IT EVEN HAD A FUNDRAISING

"WALL-A-THON," FEATURING A STAR

TURN FROM A MAN CALLING HIMSELF

"FOREMAN MIKE":

WE BUILD THE WALL

CONSTRUCTION.

THEY ARE REAL!

WE NEED YOUR HELP.

WE NEED TO GET DONATIONS IN.

WE WANT TO START.

YOU CAN BUY A BOLLARD PANEL.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT FOR

ETERNITY, CAUSE YOU'RE NOT GONNA

LAST FOREVER.

$5,000.

AND IF YOU CAN'T DO THAT,

GET YOURSELF A BRICK.

IT LASTS FOREVER AS WELL WITH

YOUR NAME, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR

GIRLFRIEND, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO

PUT ON IT.

YOU NEED TO DONATE TODAY.

John: OKAY, THERE'S A LOT TO

DIGEST THERE.

BECAUSE DESPITE WHAT YOU MAY

THINK, "FOREMAN MIKE" IS NOT

A PROMO FOR A NEW WWE CHARACTER

WHOSE SIGNATURE MOVE IS

"THE CHAOTIC SALES PITCH."

IN FACT, HE ISN'T EVEN THE

FOREMAN ON THE PROJECT, JUST AS

"WE BUILD THE WALL CONSTRUCTION"

IS NOT A REAL CONSTRUCTION

COMPANY.

HE'S JUST SOME GUY THEY USE TO

FUNDRAISE, SO HE CAN GRUNT ABOUT

PERSONALIZED BRICKS.

WHICH I DO ADMIT ARE A GREAT

IDEA, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THE

BEST WAY TO DETER SOMEONE WHO'S

CROSSING THE BORDER IS FOR THEM

TO SEE THE MESSAGE, "TO THE ONE

AND ONLY KIERSTEN, MAY OUR LOVE

BE AS STRONG AS THIS WALL."

AND AS RIDICULOUS AS THAT MAY

SEEM, "WE BUILD THE WALL" RAISED

$25 MILLION.

AND YET, ACCORDING TO THIS

WEEK'S INDICTMENT, QUITE A BIT

OF THAT MONEY WOUND UP GETTING

REDIRECTED BACK TO BANNON AND

KOLFAGE, WHO... ALONG WITH

OTHERS... WORKED TOGETHER TO

MISAPPROPRIATE HUNDREDS OF

THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FOR THEIR

OWN PERSONAL BENEFIT.

WITH BANNON ALLEGEDLY USING

MONEY FOR PERSONAL USES AND

EXPENSES, AND KOLFAGE ALLEGEDLY

SPENDING FUNDS ON A LUXURY SUV,

A GOLF CART, JEWELRY, AND

PAYMENTS TOWARD A BOAT.

AND LOOK, BANNON AND KOLFAGE

DENY THOSE CHARGES.

BUT IT DEFINITELY PAINTS THIS

MOMENT FROM THAT "WALL-A-THON"

IN A VERY DIFFERENT LIGHT:

WELCOME BACK, THIS IS

STEPHEN K. BANNON.

WE'RE OFF THE COAST OF

SAN TROPEZ IN SOUTHERN FRANCE IN

THE MEDITERRANEAN, WE'RE ON

THE MILLION-DOLLAR YACHT OF

BRIAN KOLFAGE... BRIAN KOLFAGE,

WHO TOOK ALL THAT MONEY FROM

BUILD THE WALL.

NO, WE'RE ACTUALLY IN

SUNLAND PARK, NEW MEXICO.

John: HA HA HA!

I GET IT!

I GET IT!

JOKING ABOUT STEALING PEOPLE'S

MONEY IS FUNNY!

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,

ALL GREAT JOKES HAVE AN ELEMENT

OF TRUTH IN THEM.

NOW TRUMP WAS ANXIOUS THIS WEEK

TO DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM

"WE BUILD THE WALL," SAYING "I

KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE PROJECT,"

WHICH IS A LITTLE HARD TO

BELIEVE, BECAUSE HERE'S KOLFAGE

WITH DON, JR., AT AN EVENT WHERE

HE DESCRIBED "WE BUILD THE WALL"

AS "PRIVATE ENTERPRISE AT ITS

FINEST."

AND HERE'S TRUMP ALLY

KRIS KOBACH ON THE GROUP'S OWN

YOUTUBE PAGE, BEING PRETTY

UNEQUIVOCAL ABOUT WHERE THE

PRESIDENT STOOD.

I WAS SPEAKING WITH THE

PRESIDENT AND WE WERE TALKING

ABOUT A VARIETY OF ISSUES, AND

THE TOPIC CAME UP... I MENTIONED

THAT I WAS WORKING WITH WE BUILD

THE WALL, AND HE SAID, WELL, YOU

TELL THE PEOPLE YOU ARE WORKING

WITH THAT THIS PROJECT HAS MY

BLESSING, AND HE WENT FURTHER,

AND HE SAID, I WANT THE MEDIA TO

KNOW THAT THIS PROJECT HAS MY

BLESSING.

HE WAS REALLY MAKING A POINT

THAT HE WAS BEHIND THIS.

John: YEAH, OF COURSE HE WAS!

I'M JUST SURPRISED KOBACH DIDN'T

CONTINUE, "THIS PRESIDENT WANTED

YOU TO KNOW HE'S COMPLETELY

BEHIND THIS WALL SCAM UNTIL IT

FAILS, AND THEN YOU'LL NOT BE

ABLE TO REACH HIM AND HE WON'T

HAVE HEARD OF YOU.

THAT'S JUST HOW THE GUY WORKS."

AND LOOK, TO BE FAIR, SOME OF

THAT $25 MILLION THEY RAISED DID

GO TO CONSTRUCTION.

SPECIFICALLY, THEY SAY THEY GAVE

AROUND $10 MILLION OF IT TO

TOMMY FISHER'S COMPANY, MOST OF

IT TO BUILD THAT PRIVATE WALL

IN NEW MEXICO THAT YOU SAW A GUY

NAMED MIKE BANGING WITH A

HAMMER.

AND THAT WALL DOES APPEAR TO

FEATURE SOME PERSONALIZED

BRICKS, LIKE THIS ONE THAT

KOLFAGE EXCITEDLY PUT ON

INSTAGRAM, WHICH SAYS,

"THICC LATINAS WILL NOT BE

DEPORTED," WHICH IS JUST FUCKING

DISGUSTING.

THE GROUP ALSO HELPED FUND

ANOTHER FISHER WALL, BUILT

DIRECTLY ALONG THE RIO GRANDE,

WHICH FISHER REFERRED TO AS THE

LAMBORGHINI OF WALLS, CLAIMING

THAT, "IT'LL STAND FOR

150 YEARS, YOU MARK MY WORDS."

ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS TO BE CONKING

OUT AROUND 149 YEARS AHEAD OF

SCHEDULE.

A PROPUBLICA AND

"TEXAS TRIBUNE" INVESTIGATION

FOUND EROSION BENEATH

THE FOUNDATION OF A STRETCH OF

WALL IN TEXAS.

THAT STRETCH WAS JUST BUILT IN

JANUARY OF THIS YEAR BY FISHER

SAND AND GRAVEL.

I'M JUST DOING THIS WITH ONE

HAND, NOT EVEN EXERTING MYSELF.

John: OKAY, SO

IT TURNS OUT, IT REALLY IS THE

LAMBORGHINI OF WALLS, IN

THAT AS SOON AS YOU GET NEAR IT,

THE OWNER YELLS, "HEY, PLEASE

DON'T TOUCH THAT, IT'LL LOSE

VALUE AND YOU COULD BREAK IT."

AND WHILE I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

FISHER'S ATTORNEY HAS TOLD

REPORTERS THAT EROSION IS A

NORMAL PART OF NEW CONSTRUCTION,

AND THAT IF THERE ARE ISSUES

THAT COME UP, THEY WILL ADDRESS

THAT.

EXPERTS SAID THAT IT WAS

CONCERNING AND THAT

SEGMENTS OF THE STRUCTURE COULD

TOPPLE INTO THE RIVER IF NOT

FIXED.

SO, TO RECAP: FISHER SAND &

GRAVEL IS A COMPANY WITH A

CHECKERED PAST THAT PARTNERED

WITH A SHADY NONPROFIT WHOSE

BACKERS ARE NOW UNDER INDICTMENT

FOR SKIMMING MONEY FOR THEIR OWN

USES, IN ORDER TO HAVE A FOREMAN

WHO'S NOT THE ACTUAL FOREMAN

HELP BUILD A WALL THAT LOOKS

LIKE IT MAY EITHER COLLAPSE

OR GET PUSHED OVER.

AND IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT

THIS ADMINISTRATION, IT WILL NOT

SURPRISE YOU TO LEARN THAT

FISHER HAS NOW WOUND UP WITH

OVER $2 BILLION DOLLARS IN

BORDER-BUILDING CONTRACTS.

THEY'RE ONE OF THE BIGGEST

CONTRACTORS THE GOVERNMENT HAS

HIRED FOR THIS PROJECT.

AND THE THING IS, SHOULD TRUMP

BE RE-ELECTED, ALL OF THIS IS

ONLY GOING TO ACCELERATE... IN

FACT, HIS ADMINISTRATION SEEMS

TO BE STEPPING UP ITS EFFORTS,

ATTEMPTING TO TAKE PRIVATE LAND

BY FILING MORE EMINENT DOMAIN

LAWSUITS DURING THE PANDEMIC

THAN AT ANY OTHER TIME IN HIS

PRESIDENCY.

AND THEY'RE ALSO USING A

PROVISION TUCKED INTO

THE REAL ID ACT OF 2005, GIVING

THE ADMINISTRATION THE POWER TO

WAIVE ALL LEGAL REQUIREMENTS

NECESSARY TO CONSTRUCT THE WALL.

AND THAT MEANS IT'S NOT BOUND

BY ENVIRONMENTAL OR CULTURAL

HERITAGE PROTECTION LAWS, WHICH

HAS ENABLED THEM TO PLOW THROUGH

NATIVE AMERICAN COMMUNITIES,

WITH DEVASTATING EFFECTS.

CONSTRUCTION CREWS IN

SOUTHERN ARIZONA CONDUCTED

CONTROLLED BLASTS EARLIER THIS

YEAR ALONG MONUMENT HILL.

FIRE IN THE HOLE.

THE SAME DAY OF THE

DETONATIONS IN FEBRUARY, THE

TOHONO O'ODHAM TRIBE'S CHAIRMAN

SAT BEFORE CONGRESS.

IT'S HARD TO SEE THE BLASTING

THAT YOU SHOWED ON THE VIDEO

TODAY.

THAT AREA IS HOME TO OUR

ANCESTORS.

AND BY BLASTING AND DOING WHAT

WE SAW TODAY, HAS TOTALLY

DISTURBED... TOTALLY, FOREVER

DAMAGED OUR PEOPLE.

John: THAT'S HORRIBLE.

AS THAT MAN TOLD CONGRESS, "FOR

US, THIS IS NO DIFFERENT THAN

DHS BUILDING A 30-FOOT WALL

ALONG ARLINGTON CEMETERY OR

THROUGH THE GROUNDS OF THE

NATIONAL CATHEDRAL."

AND I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT'S

SOMETHING TRUMP KNOWS WOULD BE

WRONG, BUT WHO KNOWS, GIVEN THAT

HE HAD PEOPLE TEARGASSED SO HE

COULD STAND OUTSIDE A CHURCH,

HOLDING A BIBLE WITH AN

EXPRESSION LIKE IT JUST FUCKED

HIS WIFE.

AND THE DEVASTATION CAUSED BY

THIS WALL WAS COMPLETELY

PREDICTABLE.

I KNOW THAT, BECAUSE WE

LITERALLY PREDICTED IT.

AND BELIEVE ME,

THIS IS THE LAST THING I

WANTED TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO ON.

I'D MUCH RATHER HAVE SAID THAT

ABOUT THE FACT I KNEW PETE AND

ARIANA WEREN'T GOING TO MAKE IT

OR THAT A CROCKPOT WOULD BE THE

KILLER ON "THIS IS US," OR THE

FACT THAT I KNEW THE BABADOOK

WAS GAY AS SOON AS I SAW HIM.

C'MON, GUYS... THE HAT!

BUT EVEN I DIDN'T SEE SOME OF

THIS COMING... FROM THE

POINTLESSNESS OF A BEAUTY

CONTEST IN THE DESERT, ALL THE

WAY THROUGH A SKETCHY CHARITY

SELLING PERSONALIZED BRICKS.

ALL OF THIS WAS STUPIDER THAN

EVEN I THOUGHT WAS POSSIBLE.

BECAUSE THE FACT IS, THIS WALL

IS NOT A FUNCTIONAL BARRIER.

IF IT'S ANYTHING, IT'S A FUCKING

MONUMENT TO TRUMP.

WHICH ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE.

BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT HE'S

COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH HIS

LEGACY.

TRUMP REPORTEDLY EVEN ASKED

SOUTH DAKOTA'S GOVERNOR HOW HE

COULD BE ADDED TO

MOUNT RUSHMORE.

AND WHILE THAT IS CLEARLY NOT

GOING TO HAPPEN... FOR ONE

THING, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO CARVE

STONE INTO WHATEVER FUCKING

SHAPE HIS HAIR IS... HE ALSO

DOESN'T NEED IT.

BECAUSE THIS IS HIS MONUMENT.

AND THERE'S PERHAPS NOTHING MORE

EMBLEMATIC OF HIS PRESIDENCY

THAN THIS WALL: IT'S

DESTRUCTIVE, POINTLESS,

INEFFECTIVE, RACIST, WEAK, AND

SOMETHING THE DAMAGES OF WHICH

WE'RE GOING TO BE DEALING WITH

FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

THAT'S OUR SHOW.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK,

GOOD NIGHT.

♪ ♪