Last Tango in Halifax (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript

Are you all right?
I just have a heart condition.

If you ring me,
I'll run round here even though
I know you're not really interested.

'I'm not NOT interested.'

Raff? 'I assume he's seen the light,
worked out what'

a mad bitch you are. If he wants to
move in here, that's fine by me.

Don't you dare fill his head
with rubbish about me.

This marriage is over and I do not
want to waste another... Silly bitch!

Second of my life pretending
it's something worth saving!

What's he doing here?
He's got nowhere else to go.

What do you want? You couldn't
lend me some money, could you?

Where would you like to get wed? You
can get wed anywhere now, you know.



Hello? Is anybody there?

Oh, no!

It's all safe now.
Why don't you get back in t'warm?

We'll get off. Bye. Thanks.

'Hello, this is Alan Buttershaw.
Please leave your message
after the tone.'

Dad, it's me... again, just to say...

where are you, basically,
and did you get my last message,

about picking up a takeaway? Cos...

I've not been able to think about
cooking with all this going on.

Bye.

I so didn't need this happening
right now.

You'll have to ring your insurance.

They'll give me about 50 quid
for it.

How the hell am I going to buy
another one?



You can use my car.

Thanks.

How'd it start? Oh, they don't know -
lightning... electrical fault...

You don't think someone torched it?

Like who?

Cresswells. Hailey's stupid brothers.

I wish me dad would get home.

They should've been here
over an hour since.

Ooh!

D'you know,
I've had some poor cards.

Oh, there she goes again.

# With her 'ead...

# ...tucked underneath her arm

# She walks the bloody tower! #

We're in here, love!

You're right, it'll be a draught.

House this size, this old,
it'd be odd if it didn't creak
and make a few noises.

Shall we make another expedition
to t'water closet after this hand?

Mmm, can do.

I don't know why that telephone
at reception won't work.

It's obviously connected.

I'm amazed we've not set off
an alarm.

D'you think anyone's realised
that we're missing?

She's just here, just now,
let me ask her. Caroline...

What's all this mess? Dad's cooking.

How was your exam? Good... ish.

Answered everything?

Mmm. No nasty surprises?

Caroline, it's Gillian. Who?

Slightly concerned cos she was under
the impression your mum and Alan

were due at hers and they've not
turned up.

So? They're adults.

Yes, but she was expecting them
at five.

She's cooking for them, and...

Do you want to talk to her?

Gillian, hi!

I was just ringing to see
if they were with you, that's all.

Er, no, their car's not here.
They're not here, I just looked.

I got the idea they were
leaving here first thing.

They did, I know. I...

I just wondered if they'd gone back
to Harrogate for whatever reason.

I don't think so.

Has your mum got a mobile?

Yes.
Would you mind ringing her for me?

I don't mind 'em being late
just so long as they're all right.

Sure. I'll get back to you,
give me a minute.

Thank you. 'Bye.'

Bye-bye.

Why is she ringing you on your
mobile? Why? Well...

'Hello, this is Celia...' Shush!
'..Dawson. Please leave a message.'

'Thank you.'

Hi, Mum, it's me.

Can you give me a ring when you get
this message, please? Thank you.
Bye.

I, er, need Gillian's number.

07700 900 827.

I rang her to say thank you
for letting me stay at her house
after you drove off without me.

I got her number from Alan
when he drove me over here.

And you saved it.

Well, yes, not, not, not...
You're transparent.

'Hello?'

Gillian, hi. I'm just getting
voice mail.

'OK.' I'm sure they'll turn up.

I just worry about me dad
having his pills on him, you know...

for his heart.

Oh, God, yeah, of course.

'And he wouldn't not ring
if he knew he was going to be late,

'when he knew I was
cooking for 'em.'

He's just...

He's polite, he's thoughtful.

Has he any friends or relatives
they might have visited?

Yeah. Yeah, I just thought
I'd try you first.

I'll keep trying her number.

Thanks.

'Will you ring me?' Course.

OK, bye. They've probably just
got carried away

doing something
and forgotten to look at the clock.

Yeah, whatever. I'm cooking.

Not for me. I don't want your filth.

You see, that's just...
I have a timetable.
I know what I'm cooking, when.

That's the way you organise yourself
when you have two strapping
teenagers,

a demanding, time-consuming,
full-time job,

and a husband who dumps you
for an alcoholic.

What's happening with Granny?
Oh, er...

Her and Alan haven't turned up at
Gillian's when they're supposed to,

and... she's, er...

worried about where they are.

I'll get changed.

Ee, it's got a grand flush,
that toilet.

They built things properly,
didn't they, the Victorians?

Well, strictly speaking,
it's Georgian.

1836, North Tower were completed...

year before Victoria
ascended t'throne.

Oh, very good.
"Main body of the house..."

Here, I didn't know it were
this old - dates back to 1514!

Oh, fancy!

Yeah, it's a good job
we didn't try smashing a window.

Stained glass is original medieval -
it's unique, it's priceless.

Heck!

There she blows.
I wish she wouldn't.

We're in t'cludgie, missus!

There's somebody up there.

Hello!

Oh, shit!
No, no, no, we're all right.

What are we going to do?

Hello!

We're going to go back up to
t'bedroom...

and shut t'door... and play cards.

Hello!

We got shut in! We're not burglars!
We're pensioners!

Hello!

What was that?

Nothing.

It's nothing.

Are you all right? Gillian?

I just want to know that he's
all right, that's all.

Who were that? Her.

Your mother. Who else?

Mad bitch!

Paul Jatri.

I know! Paul bloody Jatri!

I know! Why?

God knows.

No, really... you know, why?

You're asking t'wrong person.

Apart from t'fact that he's engaged
to Neil Cresswell's lass,

he's got a mental age of
a blancmange. He's retarded.

Well, probably not his brain
she's bothering with him for, is it?

Bloody screw loose, I tell you,
she always has had. Yeah, all right!

All right.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Right, I'm going to drive over
to Halifax.

Really?

Yeah. Why don't I give it
till nine o'clock?

Yep, I'll give it till nine and if
we still haven't heard anything,
I'll...

Do you want me to come with you,
Mum? No, no, you've got school
tomorrow.

Hello!

Robbie, it's Gillian.

Yeah, I thought it might be.

Me dad hasn't turned up...
when he was supposed to,

couple of hours ago now,
and I wanted to know
if Raff had seen him

or had a phone call from him
or anything.

'Is he there?'
Is that the best you can do?

I'm sorry? 'Excuses for ringing up.'

I'm not mucking about, Robbie.
He's got his heart problem.

I just want to know if Raff's heard
from him. It's that simple.

Raff? Mmm?

Come on, summat about your granddad.

What d'you want?

Have you heard from Granddad
at all this evening?

'No.' He's not rung you, or...?

Why?

'Because I was expecting him
at five for tea...

'him and Celia -'

and they've not turned up.

Where were they last time you spoke?
In a cafe in Elland,

'two o'clock.'
Have you tried ringing him since?

Course I've...!

I'm ringing him every ten minutes.

'So... Well, what are you
going to do?'

I'll have to ring round
the hospitals, won't I?

Well, do you want me to do owt?

No.

Do you want me to go looking
for him?

No.

Do you want me to come over?

If you want.

Is that twat still lying
on our settee?

If you want to come over and
help me think about what to do next,

'you'd be very welcome.'

Have you done your homework?

We should sue. You what?

In the morning, when we get out
of this godforsaken hole,
we should sue.

This is entrapment.
Well, negligence.

I mean, what if someone...?

Have you got your pills?
I'll be reet.

Come on, get in.

Happen they weren't footsteps.

Happen... just sounds a house makes.

A house this old, this big,

can sound like... Yeah.

Anything, anything you want it
to sound like.

I don't believe in ghosts.
Neither do I.

I think once you've cashed your
chips - pfft! - that's it.

Yeah...

although...

What?

I've always thought there's more
between heaven and earth

than any of us ever know about.

Oh, well...

Aye.

Was that... candle on
that table... before?

Have they turned up?

No, they haven't. You don't have to
knock, you know, you can just
come in.

Come in!

What happened to t'Land Rover?
Blew up.

How?
Lightning, electrical fault...

or someone torched it. Torched it?!

When? Just after you left.

It were probably lightning.

Well, how are you going to
manage...? I'll manage.

Robbie thought we should come over,
help look for me granddad.

Did he? Right, well...

thanks.

Have you reported it to t'police? No.

Is that them?

Is it?

Doesn't look like.

It's Harry and Maurice.
Your granddad's buddies.

Do you think it's that serious?
Do you think I should report it
to the police?

It's up to you.
I'm asking your advice.

Well, you can report it
any time you like.

There's a legitimate cause for
concern cos of his heart condition.

Oh, God.

D'you wanna...?

You all right, love?

I rang Silly Bugger but he's not
heard owt from 'em either.

Good evening, Gillian.
I'm sure there's a perfectly simple
explanation.

You'd hope so, wouldn't you?

Cavalry's arrived.

Tell you what. What?

It's raining.

You all right, Raff, lad?
Not so bad.

My God! What's happened to him?

Eh?

You all right, love? Er...

So, what's the latest, Gillian?

I've run round the hospitals,
but of course that doesn't mean

they haven't gone off the side of
the road somewhere up in t'wilds,
but...

Nay, they'll be right.

How do you know he hasn't taken her
to some hotel somewhere

for a wild night of
nudge-nudge wink-wink?

It's all he thinks about.

Is it 'ell.

I don't know, that, Harry,
I just... I think he'd have rung me.

So, at what stage do we report it
to the police?

Well, Robbie's...
I've told her any time.

Given his, er...

I thought I'd leave it while 11,
and then...

Nay. Get 'em rung.

Well, I don't want to... overreact.

You don't want to think the worst.
That's the thing.

But... given his...

They'll be grateful, t'police -
probably got bugger all else to do.

Don't look at me like that.
I tell it like it is.

Well, I would, but he has,
on occasion, been out supping
with you lot all hours

before now,
then turned up talking gibberish

with his trouser legs rolled up
and his coat on inside out.

Yes, well, that was... unfortunate.

It were his birthday!
What's up with you?

Missing? No, just not turned up
when they were supposed to.

So, well, where do you think
they are?

I've got no idea!
Nobody does, that's...

I'm sorry, Kate. I'm just...

Wound up? Course you are.
That's all right.

I'm sure she's absolutely...

Course. Of course.

She doesn't go out after dark,
as a rule, though, that's the thing.

Her eyes aren't what they were,
and...

There'll be an explanation.

Listen, ring me
if there's anything I can do.

Or if you just want to talk
to someone.

What were you ringing me for?

Oh!

It doesn't seem so important now.

Just... you said we should go away.

'For the weekend.

'Together, somewhere, possibly.

'And I wanted to know if you
meant it, and if you did, '

if I should fix something up.

Can we talk about it later?

Yeah, of course.

Hi. Is there any news? Me mum's
through there with Robbie talking
to a uniform.

Are you Celia's lass?

Yes, that's...

Harry Wallace.

This is Maurice Price.

They're me granddad's pals. Ah.

I hope your mother's not been
leading him astray. Been...?

Shut up. Lass is worried.

She knows I'm joking.

I understand you're a doctor!

I'm... Yeah.

Is she?

Will you look at my foot?

Put your foot away.
I've got poor circulation.

I'm not a medical doctor.

What then, then? Chemistry.

Chemistry, can they do that?

Ignore him.

He's rural.

I've a hernia as well. I think it's
a hernia. Do you want to have a look?

It's not really my...

Do we know what's happening?
There's been no developments.

Why don't you sit down, love?

Chemistry.

Margaret Thatcher read chemistry
at Oxford.

Yes, well, I was in
a different college.

Yeah, and I'd be apologising an' all.

What's happened? Nothing. Nothing.

It were just, like I said
on t'phone, we decided
there was nothing to lose,

reporting 'em missing
sooner rather than later, so...

Are you all right?
Yeah. Yeah. Are you?

Yeah.

They've taken a description,
and they can...

What are they going to do, Robbie?
Check when the bank cards
were last used,

when their mobiles were last used.
And then we'll run

an ANPR check on their vehicle.
What's that?

Double Dutch. It's like vehicle
plate recognition.

We can see where they were last
picked up on cameras.
See where they were heading.

So when will we know anything?
As soon as we get authority from
upstairs to pursue it.

The lad that we spoke to is going
straight up to see t'Super, so...

Best thing we can...

They said best thing we can do
is go home.

They'll ring us when they know owt.

Why don't you go home, lads?

I'll ring you if I need you.
If there's any news.

'Hello, this is Celia Dawson.
Please leave...'

Who IS that?

Paul... Jatri.

He's an idiot.

Paul Jat...?
Is that the bloke you...?

Yeah. But I didn't do that to him.

I just bruised him.

That was somebody else.

Right.

He's not popular.

So what's... What's he doing here?

That's a good question.

Don't ask.

What were you doing
with that dipstick?

Don't start on me, I've enough on.

I just...

What I do is...

You think I'm going to be a nun?

No! No.
Eddie's been dead for ten years.

D'you seriously think I haven't
slept with other people since then?

I just... What's it to you?

I'm sorry.

About all the unpleasantness
there's been between us.

Unpleasantness?

Trying to convince people
that I've got a screw loose?

That I murdered my own husband?
Trying to make Raffy believe that?
I was lashing out.

For ten years? I'm sorry.

I just think...

you let yourself down.

Bothering with a streak
of... whatever, like him.

You're better than that.

I thought...

after Eddie died,
you of all people

would help me, support me.

Shit, I was wrong, wasn't it?

D'you think I'm going to forget
what you tried to do to me?

What you put me through?

We could make an all-right team.

You, me, an' Raff, couldn't we?

Did you torch my Land Rover?

No!

If the Cresswells did, I will...

I'll get 'em.

That's...

Um...

I'm appreciating the apology,
Robbie.

It's fine.

Go to bed.

I'll let you know the second we hear
owt.

There's nowt any of us can do.

Go shut your eyes at least,
you've got school tomorrow.

Hello?

Yes, it is.

Oh, yeah.

4.32, right.

Towards Bradford?!

Godley Lane?

He doesn't know anybody
over that way.

Hang on a minute.

They were caught on camera,
or their registration number was.

Driving up Godley Lane, the other
side of Halifax, towards Bradford.

No further sightings. Right.
So you're...?

They're concentrating on that area
round there initially.

What is there around there?

There's nothing, there's Southowram
Hall, that's about it.

You can get married
at Southowram Hall. What's he said?

He said you can get married
at Southowram Hall.

They were looking for
a wedding venue.

Are you and Mum still getting
divorced then now, or what?

Oh, well...

I'm afraid I don't know.

Can't you win her round?

Can't you... buy her some flowers
or something?

Well, I had. Almost.

Won her round. I think. And then...

Don't you blame me. I wasn't!

I wasn't.

Although you did
get the wrong end of the stick.

Yeah, well, if you hadn't
started seeing that... bitch
in the first place,

there wouldn't be any wrong end
of any sticks for anybody
to get hold of, would there?

Yeah, fine. Are we really going to
argue about this now? The point is,
you're not seeing Judith any more,

so you don't need to get divorced
any more.

No, the point is,
she can't trust him any more,
any further than she can throw him.

So it's not just as naive and dumb
as saying, "Can't you buy her
some flowers?!"

Piss off! Yeah, well, grow up!

You grow up! Just calm down. Stop it!
Stop it.

We're all worried about Gran,
and this isn't a good way to...

I'm sure me and Mum can
sort things out.

These things take time, sometimes,
that's all.

And a bit of goodwill.

I'm sorry I inflicted my husband
on you the other day.

Oh, well, don't apologise.

I'm sorry my son got arrested
in front of you all...

by his own...

uncle.

So he... Raff beat up the bloke
that's lying on your couch.

Yeah. Yeah, he...

He's Paul. He's...

We're friends, me and Paul,

and Raff got it into his head
that we were more than friends

and he didn't like that. So he...

Then someone else beat him up
even more? Yeah.

His girlfriend's brothers got wind
of what'd been said,

and, well,
they're a pretty unpleasant lot.

Oh... He's got broken limbs
because of some misunderstanding?

So, has everything settled down?

Then? Now? Er, at your end?

Or...?

Oh! Er...

Me and John.

Yeah.

It's beyond that.

What did he tell you?

Oh, that, er...

he'd had a fling,

and...

Yeah, that he wished he hadn't.

Really?
Mmm. And that he wanted just to...

get back with you.

Well, he'd do it again tomorrow
if he met someone else he wanted
to do it with.

That's how sorry he is.

Are you all right?

Tired.

Where the hell are they?!

Sorry.

I'm sorry. That helps no-one.

No, you're all right. You're
worried. Have a drop of brandy.
Yes, actually.

It wasn't, er, a misunderstanding.

I...

I don't know. I don't even know
why I'm telling you.

Except that Raff doesn't generally
behave like that.

He's... He's not a thug.
He's a grand lad.

Better than I deserve.

He's like my dad.

He's got a big streak

of something very decent
etched right through him.

And I haven't.

I'm a mess.

Well, you know that.

Put your finger on it
the first time you met me.

I shouldn't have said that. It was
stupid. I didn't mean it, it was...

I've been...

I've been depressed.

For months.

Bottling things up and then...

it comes out, and you say things -
silly, nasty, stupid things,

things you don't even mean,
and it's since...

It's since...

I feel like I'm only just
holding my job down, most days,

and that's...

It's terrifying.

Sorry, you don't need to know that,
either.

Hello?

They've found the car.

In the car park above Southowram Hall
in Cumbry Wood.

But not them?

Hello?

We're turning a good number of
officers out now.

Is there anywhere at all
in the vicinity

where you think they're most likely
to have gone?

Can I help you? I'm the curator.
Your sergeant rang me.

I got here as soon as I could.
Two pensioners?

Are you the key holder, sir?
One of them.

I can open up for you,
you're more than welcome,
but we weren't open yesterday.

We don't open on a Monday.
We've had no visitors since Sunday.

Can I ask, has either of them
been depressed at all lately?

No! Not at all!

Completely the opposite!
They're in love with each other.

They've never been happier!

Right, that's it.
Summat weird's happening.

Why's the car there and them
not in it?

And asking me if either of them
has been depressed lately?

They're just trying to rule things
out, Gillian. It's routine.

They're just trying to
think of the best way forward.

There's nothing sinister about it.
He doesn't know 'em like you do.

He's just trying to build up
a picture. He's just doing his job.

Do you want to drive over there?
I wouldn't.

Honestly,
you're best off here, in t'warm.

You're only going to wind yourselves
up even more if you go over there.

Let them get on with it.
They know what they're doing.

Look, stuff like this happens...
every week.

It's not unusual.

Nine times out of ten,
there's a perfectly...

Well, not necessarily
a rational explanation,
but there's an explanation.

People turn up right as rain.
They're often embarrassed
there's been such a fuss!

I just hope he's warm somewhere.

Not out in this.
Why don't I go over there?

I might find summat out.
And I can keep you up to date better.

Do you want to?

Yeah.

It's very nice,
waking up to this every morning.

Well, yeah.

In summer.

Me dad...

was saying, how would you feel
if Celia came to live with us here?

He was just speculating. I don't
think they've made a decision.

And I said I'd be delighted,
but I don't know how she'd go on
in winter.

Wind can knock you over.

We had eight-foot snowdrifts
last year.

No, I can't quite picture her
milking cows.

I don't have any cows.

Just sheep.

I always wanted a farm.

I don't know why.
I wasn't born into it.

Was your husband? God, no!

Biking and boozing
were his two big career choices.

It was me that did all the wheeling
and dealing and finding out.

He liked it. Well, he loved it.
But...

Where is he?

Dead.

Ten years, this next time.

What happened?

Smashed his skull
with a log splitter.

Oh! In t'barn.

Jesus.

Bled to death.

Which was just as well.

He'd have had brain damage
if he'd survived.

I found him. That was pleasant!

Was it an accident?

No.

Oh, eh.

Sorry.

Do you think they're dead? No.

No, I don't think
we should assume that.

He loves her, you know. So much.

He's... It's beautiful.

It's extraordinary.

Whatever has happened,
he'll be looking after her.

I know that.

I know.

It's bothered me, though.

That thing about me mother...

not passing on that message to him.

From your mum.

Because, you know, I suppose...

you want to be able to think
that she'd have been happy for him.

Meeting up with Celia
after all this time.

He's been so...

happy.

But maybe she wouldn't have been.

She were jealous enough to stop 'em
getting together in t'first place.

Maybe she'd have been really...!

She was a teenager
when she did that.

She was the same age Raff is now -
nobody can hold that against her.

But she deceived him...

all their lives.

And he's only just found out.

And I think it's upset him.

He hasn't said owt. No.

If your dad hadn't married your mum,
and my mum hadn't married my dad,

neither of us would be here, so...
Or we could've been sisters.

Yeah, well that would have
been a... Disaster.

I think we should be very grateful
to your mum on the quiet
for doing what she did.

Yeah.

Your parents were happy,
weren't they? Yeah, yeah!

Well, then!

They always seemed to be.

Weren't yours?

Well...

that's what's so odd.

She's suddenly such a different
person to the one I've known
for the last 45 years.

It's suddenly like she's alive,
like I've never seen her before.

Celia? Celia!

Oh, I've been asleep.

Ssh! Ssh!

What time is it?

Oh, it's twenty to eight!

Oh, it's never!

It is!

Oh! Ooh, I'm stiff!

Yeah.

Come on.

Are you all right? Yeah.

I think so.

Are you?

Oh, I've no idea!

I'm sure I shut that door
before we got back into bed.

Oh, let's get out of here.

I'm not optimistic.
Both in their 70s,

out all night. Hello!

We've been shut in!
Are you in charge?

I, er...
We took some chocolate, we had to.

I've left a ?5 note by the till.

Are you all right?
And I made the bed.

You should have rung for help.
We couldn't make it work!

And you can't get a signal on
t'mobile! You've to ring 9
for an outside line.

Well, you should have it written
by the phone on a bit of card,

then folk would know.
We weren't open yesterday.

That door was. We had a delivery...

About half past fourish? Oh, my God!

We waited to buy tickets.

Only nobody came, so we wandered
through there, looking for somebody.

Yeah, and then we heard
the door slam. And that was that.

I'm amazed we didn't
set t'alarm off.

Oh, bloody hell.

You couldn't get us an outside line
right now, could you?

Only there'll be people
wondering where the heck we are!

Yeah. There are.

Half of West Yorkshire Police
are out looking for you!

'What are you going to do
about work?'

I've spoken to the deputy heads.
They can keep things afloat without
me for as long as, um...

I thought we'd know something
by now.

How are the boys?
I'm not sending Lawrence to school.

William's not got any exams today
anyway, but neither of them
slept a wink.

'Well, none of us have.' It's fine.

Fine.

Hello! Granddad!

Oh, my God!

Are you both all right?

Mrs... Dr? Caroline's here.
She's been here all night with...

Can I talk to her?
She wants to talk to Celia.

Mum?

Gillian! Mum!

Gillian! Gillian!

They're fine. They're fine!
They're absolutely fine.

They got shut inside
Southowram Hall.

They've been playing cards
and eating chocolate!

Shut in?! Yeah!

Didn't t'police think
to look in there first?!

Oh, I'll kill him!

Dozy...!

Only he could go getting himself
in a...!

Oh!

OK, so, school.

Mum says you don't have to go,
so I suggest bed, day off,
Xbox, possibly.

Yes!
Go for it. Not you, obviously.

You have to revise.

I, sadly, have to go to
the supermarket.

You'll be better off upstairs,
out of t'way.

Where will you sleep? On t'settee.

I'll hide your car in t'barn, then
if anybody comes looking for you...

No, no, no.

I'll tell 'em you're not here.

OK?

OK.

Right...

you... keep it quiet till I've had
a chance to explain to me dad

what the bloody hell
you're doing here.

Then... Ow!

When I have, I don't want
any vulgar comments

of any description
in front of Celia!

Is that absolutely understood?

Cos you'll be out on your arse
if you do, faster than you can say
"compound fracture".

Now, is there anything I've said
you're having trouble with?

Have you got me painkillers?

I'll get you some water.

I wish I'd have thought
to stick him in here sooner.

Mum, they're here!

What happened?! Oh!

Shouldn't you be at work? Yes.

Hey, whose car is that? We had
a full house last night trying to
work out where the hell you were.

Hey! Is that our Land Rover?!

It was hit by lightning.

Are you all right?
Stiff, cold and muzzy-headed.

I hope the police gave whoever
locked you in a rocket up their...

Oh, that's guaranteed.

We thought you'd eloped!
Eh, that's a good idea.

Are you hungry?

Oh, a nice cup of tea with a bit of
sugar, I think.

Oh, we can do tea!
And he needs his pills!

Hey, whose car did you say that were?

Oh, it's, um... It's Paul Jatri's.

Paul Jatri? Yeah!

Yeah, he's... I'll get t'kettle on.

How do you feel?

Oh, like puke warmed up,
to quote our Lawrence.

Hi. Ah.

Sorry about this.

Two months' rent.

You really are very kind.

John? Are you all right?

Oh, didn't get much sleep last night.

God, I didn't mean for you to get
panicky! I'm not blackmailing you!

My mother-in-law went missing. Oh.

Is she...? Fine. She's fine.

She's absolutely fine.

Oh, well, that's... good.

I was thinking of asking Tim Hoskins
if I could have my old job back

at the university library.

Judith, it was Tim Hoskins
who asked you to leave.

Yes, I know, but I thought,
if you could put a word in for me,

if you told him
that I'm getting better

and I'm dealing with it and...

I imagine he's replaced you by now.

Yes, but next time
there's a vacancy.

Judith, no!

I'm going to tell Caroline I've
given you that money, all right?

And please, don't ask me for any
more. I think as regards employment,

you're going to have to set your
sights on something more realistic.
For "realistic", read "menial"?!

You WERE going to introduce me
to your publisher! Have you got
anything finished to show him?

I've written another chapter,
that's four!

Judith, I've explained this.
No-one's going to publish
a few chapters. I know that!

And no-one's going to advance you
some money on the strength of them.

Again, we come back
to living in the real world!

Oh, you're a patronising...!

No, Judith, I'm telling it to you
like it is.

It's possibly time someone did.

You used to say I had a potential
as a novelist. Yes, I did!

You still have to put the hours in!

You still have to stay sober
long enough to actually get it down
in black and white!

You can't make a career and a living
out of potential!

You've got to take it
to the next level.

If you ever understand what I'm
saying, and simply got on with it,
you'd probably thank me in the end.

As it is... Piss off!

Exactly.

If... If I ever did think you were
genuinely making an effort, I hope...

I HOPE - I would help you.

As it is, that's it now.

We should sue!

I mean, you lot have been worried
out of your minds.

Me and Alan's traumatised.
It's negligence!

But they've offered you the venue
free of charge for the wedding?

Mm-hm. Well, you can't accept that
and sue them, can you?

Well, no.

And it is very classy.

There can't be so many can afford
to get married there.

And it would be one in the eye
for the church!

We got turned down! Did I tell you?

I mean, can you believe it?!

The hours me and Alan have sat
suffering in that church
when we were kids.

And now we don't even qualify
to get wed in it!

It's criminal!

You've been having a fling
with Paul Jatri?!

Can you believe it?
Oh, he's only 15!

No, Dad, that would be illegal.
He's 22.

Yeah, and you're 45!
Have you looked in t'mirror lately?

It wasn't a fling! It was just...

It's not funny. It's a mess! That's
why clever beggar got arrested!

And then Paul's girlfriend
got wind of it and...

He's got a girlfriend?!

He's engaged to Neil Creswell's lass!

Her brothers have done him over
even worse! A hell of a lot worse!

Then there's my Land...

That's why he's upstairs in my bed

with a broken leg, a bust jaw,
three cracked ribs

and the fingers on one hand
all smashed to... buggery!

Can you believe it?
He's got nowhere else to go!

You always did pick 'em!

I've made it clear to him,
he hasn't...

to do or say anything crude
or provocative in front of Celia,

which I don't think he will.

He's not capable at the minute.
Oh, it's your house.

Don't say that, Granddad!
Tell her to chuck him out!

You're not really stopping
with Robbie?

Well... well, why would I want
to be here?

I don't mind her having a boyfriend,
but why can't she pick somebody
who A - isn't a dickhead,

B - isn't 300 years younger than
she is, and C - wasn't engaged
to somebody else!

So I'm not perfect!
I'm amazed this is news to you!

Have I ever claimed to be?!

Oh!

Fella that's engaged!

Yes! All right! So crucify me!

Are you all right?

I might pop down to t'surgery
in the next few days.

Make a little appointment,
just have a little check-up.

Are you...? No, it's nowt...

It's a twinge.

Once or twice last night.
I'll ring up now.

No, no, I'll ring. I'll ring.
I'll... wait, while it's quieter.

Dad. It's nowt.

It's... It's stress.

Last night, it was stressful.

I'm fine. I am.

I've never been happier!

That's better than any medicine.

You didn't have your pills on you
last night, did you?

No... but I've taken them now.
When will you learn? You've got to
take them with you, wherever you go.

Especially now with all of these...
shenanigans

you've started getting into...
Up to. Right, well, I will.

Promise me. I promise.

And bugger popping down in t'next
few days. You're ringing now,

as soon as everyone's gone.
All right.

No. Right, as in...?

Yes, right as in right.

Sorry to interrupt.

I'm going to get off. I ought to try
and get into work this afternoon.

I'll look after 'em.
You take care of yourself.

Yeah, I will. And you.

Don't be depressed.

It's a waste of time.

Just move on.

It's easier said than done, I know.

Good luck with, um...
Yeah, well. We'll see.

Drive safely!

I'll drop him off at school.
Will you be able to stay awake?

Thank you... Robbie.

I'm running you a nice, hot bath.
Oh!

I put you some bubbles in.

Aw. Do you like bubbles?

I love bubbles.
It'll warm you through.

It will.

Well, I say a nice hot bath -
it generally takes half an hour
to fill,

by which time, it's slightly cooler,
but...

It'll be lovely.

And we've got plenty towels.

Good.
I've put you two over t'radiator

and I've set you up a little radio
next to t'bath.

I'll put it on Radio 2.

It is Radio 2 you like?

I love Radio 2!

Can I make you some more tea?

No! I'm all tea-ed out.

I'll make you a nice pot of coffee!

Then you can step out of the bath
and have a cup of hot coffee!

You're spoiling me.

Yeah, well...

that's t'plan.

So you'd better get used to it...

Mrs Buttershaw!

Because that's the way
it's going to be from now on!

Right.

Hi.

Hi. You must be exhausted.

Did you send the boys to school?

No, they're both asleep
in front of the telly. How's Celia?

Fine!

A bit - I don't know - wobbly.

Shock, probably.

She wanted to stay over there, so...

It's a weird thing to happen.

Can I make you some coffee?

Um...

No, thank you.

I'm going to go to sleep for a bit,
then I might... try and go into work.

Oh, surely no-one's going
to expect you in today.

Could I...? What?

I wanted to say something,
tell you something.

What?

I hate what's gone wrong between us.

I don't know if you're ever going
to forgive me,

but I made this deal with myself
that I would never lie to you
ever again.

Or deceive you
in any way, shape or form,

in the hope that one day,
you would possibly...

So, I want you to know that
purely because I felt responsible,

guilty, God knows...

sorry for her,

because she's so... pathetic, I lent...

gave - Judith some money
for her rent.

When?! This morning,
but I've made it clear to her
there's no more where that came from.

And - and - I've told her
that I'd be telling you all about it.

She rang up begging,

begging!

She's got almost no...
grasp on the realities of life.

Aww. Poor bitch.

I wish she didn't exist.

Which is a terrible thing
to say about someone.

I've been thinking. Yeah?

This can work here. We can be civil,
can't we, for the boys?

And like you said,
there's room for everyone.

Sure. So?

I'm seeing someone.

Y-Y-Y... Mmm.

You are? Mmm.

You? Who?

When? It's not...

I don't know if it's
what I want entirely yet, but...

I won't know if I don't try.

Who?

Someone. Who?!

It doesn't matter! Matters to me!

I'm not going to tell you
who it is, John, so...

Someone at work?
Possibly. Possibly not.

It is! You may think that.

I couldn't possibly comment.

Who? I'm going to bed.

Who?! John! Who?!
That's the deal!

Hang on, I'm not living
under the same roof as you

while you're having it off
with someone else!

Well, you know where the door is.

Are you lying, Caroline?
Are you lying?!

I don't do lies!
Well, who is it then?!

No-one! Why's it a secret?!

Because I don't want to have to
listen to any of your opinions

and comments and
inane bloody rubbish.

So it's someone I know!

Maybe, maybe not!

What's going on?! Nothing.

Hi, kids!

What's up?

She's... What?

Seeing someone.

Mum? Yes.

Mum?! Yes!

Who? Some... I don't know!

Does she bother with anyone
in particular at school?

No. Don't be stupid!

Caroline!

Caroline!

Caroline!

Come on! Open the door!

Where've you been? Where haven't I?
You're not moving him in here.

I'm glad we... talked.

Do you fancy going out
for a meal some time?

- Keep having adventures!
- We're up Soyland!

I've been used.

Judith? Yeah. Mind where you're...

to the back teeth of him.
You're not leaving him here!

It's your fault he's in this mess.

Hey! You're not dead, then.

Have you thought about a best man?
I've never been a best man.

Oh, I haven't a clue where John is.

Celia! Oh, God!
What's happened?!