Las Vegas (2003–2008): Season 3, Episode 4 - Whatever Happened to Seymour Magoon? - full transcript

[Passionate Moaning]
#[Rock, Indistinct]

I thought about this before.

You did?
So did you.

Yeah, but this is much, much,
much, much better.

#[Continues]

[Monica]
It's an eyesore.
I don't want it on my golf course.

[Danny]
Dottie Pierce has lived here
since the early '30s.

I don't think she cares if we turn
her parlor into a dogleg left.
I'm not a lover of the links.

I got you to come back,
proving everyone has a price.
I didn't come back for the money.

Uh-huh. What was the last amount
you offered her?

The Montecito offered 20 times
the market value two years ago.



Ed even sent Delinda and Mary
over there to soften her up first.

They had tea with her
every week for four months.
She's just not interested in selling.

Delinda still running Pure?
As far as I know, yeah.

Yeah. Do you also know that revenue's up
32% since she started?

That doesn't surprise me.
If Delinda knows anything,
it's how to fill a room.

That's exactly why we need her
back at Mystique.

Every dime in Caesar's pocket
is a dime out of mine.

[Danny]
That may be, but I think she's happy there.

Who is she?
Who's who?

Come on.
You wore the same suit yesterday.

You have that pathetic
puppy dog grin on your face.

My guess: Some woman's
got you by the nads.
My advice: Cut her loose.

Women cannot be trusted.
Okay.

Hello? I know what I'm talking about.
Thank you for the advice, Monica.



Unbutton a few buttons.
Show a little chest.
I'm gonna do all the talking.

What? I'm not gonna
unbutton my shirt...
Just do it.

I'm not gonna unbutton...
Do it!

Oh. You must be Dottie.

I'm Monica Mancuso,
the new owner of the Montecito.

#[Rock]

Mr. Cooper, your suite's ready.
Call me Trey.

Oh, Trey. Okay. Um, I've taken care of
the 20 bottles of Evian as you requested.

And the cookies?
Yes, the bakery's
delivering them this morning.

Good.
They're fresh from the oven.

Beau deserves a special treat
this weekend.

Is there anything else I can do for you?
Yeah, there is.

I wanna play some cards.
Fantastic.

So why don't you take Beau outside
for a tinkle?

A tinkle? Um...
[Beau Growls]

You know, Mr. Cooper, I...
No, no, no.
It's Trey, remember?

Better hold on to that leash.
Trey, I...

[Sam Screams]

Dottie, I am prepared to offer you...

three million dollars.

Oh, my.
All that for this little house?
[Clock Chiming]

I only paid $5,000 for it
when it was new.

Really?
Well, then you're coming out
way ahead,

which is exactly what you deserve.

- Imagine what you could do
with all that money, Dottie.
- I don't know.

I hate the idea
of you tearing it down.

What about my garden?

- Maybe we could keep that?
- Yeah, maybe.

[Danny]
Yeah.

- There is one other thing that concerns me.
- What's that?

I don't have any family left.
So if I sold you this house,
where would I go?

How about a retirement community?
There are a lot of nice ones here in Vegas.

But those are for old people.

Dottie, I have a much better idea.

I think you're gonna like it.

[Barking]

[Mike]
I can't believe we're hosting a dog show.

Yep. My idea.

For real?
Yeah, for real.

I still make decisions around here.
Does that surprise you?

No, no. I...

I just didn't know you liked dogs,
along with most other living things.

That's extremely funny.
Really funny.

I happen to love dogs.
I mean, I really...

I had a pup when I was a kid.
The greatest pup ever.

It was, uh, Scruffy or Scrappy,
somethin' like that. Great.

So you're not worried that the dogs
are gonna destroy the brand-new rooms?
We're insured.

Whiz all over the casino?

I didn't think about that.
Thanks a lot.

That's news to you? Dog pee?

[Cell Phone Ringing]

Mike Cannon. Hey.

Screaming?

I was scared to go in alone.
I thought maybe somebody
was gettin' stabbed.

This the room?
There was a lot of noise
coming from there a minute ago.

Maybe they're dead now.
You watch a lot of television
when you clean these rooms?

I'll just wait here.
That's a good idea.

Hello?

Hotel security.

Anyone home?

Is everything all right in... here?

Help. We're stuck.

#Boy, you feelin'lucky tonight #

#Roll the dice again
and let it ride #

#Let it ride
Let it ride #

# You gonna do this one more time #

#Hit me again and let it ride #

#Let it ride
Let it ride #

#Are you gonna play tonight #

# 'Cause Lady Luck
is right by your side #

#By your side
By your side #

# Gonna do this one more time #

#Hit me again and let it ride #

#Let it ride, let it ride
Let it ride, let it ride #

Jillian Deline.
All right.

Sam.
Hi, Jillian.

Hi.
Hi.

What's that?
It's...

Trust me, you don't wanna know.
Are you looking for Ed?
No.

I'm here to register for the dog show.
Toy category.
[Whining]

I didn't even know you had a dog.
It's a Pomeranian.

Yes.
He's my pretty boy.

No, I was spending all
those hours home alone,

and Ed thought I should have a hobby,
so I thought this would be really fun.

So it was your idea to have the Montecito
host the dog show, not Ed's?

No, no. I gave him a choice,
and he decided not to sleep on the couch
in his office for the rest of his life.

Oh. Well, that was nice of you
to give him a choice.

Good luck.
Thanks.

[Growling]

I should really
be getting home now.

This will only take a moment, I promise.
Miss Mancuso has one more surprise for you.

But she's done so much already.

This is one of our new residential floors.

People actually live here full time
enjoying all the amenities of the hotel...

concierge service, maid service,
laundry, security.

Goodness.
Did you enjoy the lunch buffet today?

Oh, yes.
I've never seen so much food.

Yeah. Oh, and I also got you
these free spa passes.

There's a massage, a mud mask.

You know, whatever you'd like.

I hate for you to go
to all this trouble just for me.

It's no trouble. It's no trouble.
I promise.

Here we are.

[Clock Chiming]

It's my house.

[Danny]
Mm-hmm, right down to the wallpaper.

Giving Dottie that suite,
making it look like her home...
I'm impressed.

Well, I'm impressed too.
You got that demolition permit
in record time.

Don't be.
My father's on the planning...

was on the planning commission.

Awkward moment.
Waiting for it to pass.

And it's gone.

So you ready to sell me
McCoy Construction yet?

Remember, everyone has a price,
even you.

Jack Webber is running
the company now.

I think I'll just keep it that way,
thank you very much.

For now.

- So who's redesigning the golf course, anyway?
- Tiger, of course.

Oh, which reminds me.
Tiger?

I'm meeting him for dinner
to go over the sketches.
Wait a minute.

Tiger Woods is coming here?
Yes.

Maybe I could come?
No.

[Stammering]
I play golf.

Well?

- Well what?
- Well, what do you think?

About our synchronicity?
We've been working on this
for a year, honey.

So does it look natural?

Yeah. Yeah.
Very natural.

Um, listen, have you spoken to Delinda
in the last couple days?

[Sighs]

Eddie, look,
why can't you be supportive?

I mean, really.
Not just pretend supportive.
Actually supportive.

Well, honey, I actually am hosting
the damn thing, aren't I?

And that's not pretend, is it?

And why?
Because I love you.

- And Prince Edward.
- Who?

Prince Edward of Henderson.
[Making Kissing Sounds]

The dog, honey.

I'm-I'm sorry. Right.
You know, Ed,

I really think we have a chance
of placing, maybe even winning.

I mean, l-I know it's
our first show and everything.

But the Brussels griffon
that won the blue ribbon last year,

she tore a ligament in her knee
and she's out of the competition.

Oh, well, dog-eat-dog world.

[Gasps]
Oh, my gosh. We have to go.

We don't wanna miss getting
our anal glands expressed.
Give us a kiss, honey.

Are you kidding me?
Get that fur ball outta my face.

[Sighs]
You don't even like dogs, do you?

That is not a dog.
It is a house slipper
with impacted anal glands.

And you are an ass.

Without impacted anal glands.

Hey.

Yeah.
I think we have a design flaw
in the new steam showers.

In the showers?
Yeah. I sprung a couple
on the ninth floor.

They were trapped inside the stall
for two hours.
I shouldn't be laughing at that.

Anyways, a friend of mine
who's an engineer,
he's checking it out.

But I'm theorizing
it's due to a vacuum seal...

caused by the varied temperatures
inside and outside of the enclosure.

That's ridiculous.

I practically designed
those showers myself.

I've been living in the residential suites
for over a month now.
Shower every day. Never had an issue.

I'm happy to hear that you shower,
but it might be worth checking it out.

Well, that's up to you.
I think we should be
spending our time...

on more constructive endeavors,

like getting Delinda back
to open Mystique.

Delinda has a job.

And you're her father.

All you have to do is convince her
she'd be happier here.

- You know how to work her.
- [Muffled Chuckle]

Actually, you don't know my daughter.
See, she works other people.
It's not the other way around.

Well, whoever you hired
to replace her sucks.
We open in two days.

I have no musical act.

I've been running Mystique
until we find the right person.

Then you suck.
Get her back. Make it happen.

Make it happen.
Hmm.

- Will you excuse me for a second?
- Yeah.

Do you, uh, remember
what I said to you when we first met?
No, I don't.

That's understandable.

I said that I don't have to be here
and I don't take orders.

So now, you have two choices.

You can ask me to consider
getting Delinda back here politely,

or you can fire me.

You're fired.

Well, I mean, you know, that...
I'm saying...

What I mean is
that could possibly happen if...

we can't reach
a chain of command understanding.

Is everything cool?

Oh, yeah, very cool.

She's just getting to understand
how we work things around here.
Mmm.

- [Cheering]
- [Yelps]

[Gasps]
Ow!

Ooh, my ankle. Ow!

Hotel security.

Is everything...
Oh, Lordy.

Not again.

Three dancers from 712.
Make sure they dance this time,
all right?

Hey.
Hello, Pen.
How are you?

I got your text.
I was... I was gonna call you back.

Okay.

You don't believe me.

Look, Danny,
what happened the other night,
I don't usually do that.

In fact, I never do that.
Listen, I know. L-I...

Please don't think that
I'm trying to blow you off.
I'm not.

It's just that I've been so busy.

I've been thinking about you all day.

I can't get you out of my mind.
Really?

Really.

All right, well,
then I do that all the time.
You know, I'm a real slut.

I wanna see you tonight.
I can't tonight.

I have three counteroffers
to work up after my showing.

Okay, well, uh,
Mystique's reopening Saturday night.

We should go.
That sounds fun.

Okay, it's a date.
Yeah, it is.

#[Big Band]
I wanted you girls
to be the first to see it.

This place is amazing, Dottie.

It's exactly the same,
except for the view.

That Monica is
an impressive young lady.

I never thought anyone
could convince me to sell my house.

But...
I don't know her.

New owner. Skinny.
Screwed some old billionaire to death.

- Sorry.
- Oh, don't be silly. I was young once.

Have you ever been married,
Dottie?

Oh, heavens no.

I find that men like to be in charge.

And, quite honestly,
I kinda like to be in charge myself.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

My, uh, boyfriend
can be kind of controlling...

about me not working,
about me helping out Danny.

That's her ex.
The man's father just died.

All I wanna do is help him out,
butJake is having a problem
with my decision.

Believe me, Mary,
it's much easier without men.

And tidier too.

- [Chuckling]
- Tea?

[Danny]
Make sure all this stuff
gets set over here and back up...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What is that, Jack?
Please tell me it's a dog.

No, I don't think
dogs wear pinkie rings.

Hey, could be
Seymour "BlueJaw" Magoon,
you know.

Just stay behind the tape,
all right?
All right. All right.

Old 1940s clothing,
initials "S.M." on the ring.

It makes sense. Come on.
Think about it.

Seymour Magoon.
That the name of the dead guy?

I don't know.
But it'd be cool if it was, wouldn't it?

- Why?
- The guy was a member of Murder, Inc.

He was granted immunity in some mob trial
back in the late '30s,

then disappeared completely around 1940
never to be seen or heard from again.

Huh? A lot of people think that
he was killed right here in Vegas, Mikey.

- Another Sin City legend.
- Yeah. So where's Ed?
He'd wanna see this.

He couldn't come.
Jillian had a accident.

Is she okay?
Yeah, she's in his office.

I don't think it's too serious.
All right.

Who you calling?
Monica.

She's gonna wanna know that
her 18th hole just became a crime scene.

Hey, Monica, it's Danny.
Call me as soon as you can.

Hey, by the way,
I did some checking on that woman
your dad was seeing when he died.

I can't find anything.

All right, thanks.

Let's bring this swelling down
a little bit.
Ouch! Ouch!

- Mom, are you okay?
- I broke my ankle.

It's not broken. It's a hairline fracture.
That's what the doctor said.

Well, we can't be sure
until we see the X-ray.

[Delinda] How did it happen?
Well, your father and I had a fight,
and I fell.

Did you push her?

Don't be ridiculous.
She didn't fall because of me.
She tripped over that damn dog.

[Growling]

Your father hates our dog,
which I didn't know before today.

How could you hate
a sweet little face like this?
Huh, Prince Edward?

I know.
[Ed]
Oh, my God.

Listen, I am hosting
the Nevada State Dog Show at my hotel.
Does that sound like I hate dogs?

Oh, not all dogs.
Just this one.

Jillian, you weren't planning
on showing the dog yourself?

Day after tomorrow.

Well, I'm afraid you're gonna
have to keep your weight
off this ankle for quite some time.

Does that mean
she's gonna have to drop out?
Uh-huh.

- [Prince Edward Whining]
- What?

Hi.
Hey.

How's it going?
Oh. I see it's going well.

I can't complain.
Did you put Beau in the room?

Yes, I did.
I gave him a bottle of Evian,
a couple cookies.

When I left,
he was sleeping on the bed.

Aw.
Yeah. He's so cute.

Beau. He's a good judge of character.
And he obviously likes you.

So I like you too, Sam.

I like you... two... too.

Look, I wanted to ask you
about tomorrow night.
Are you busy?

I'm working.

But isn't it your job
to make sure I'm having a good time?

I see your point.
Good. I'll see you at 8:00?

Okay.
All right.

[Mike]
All I'm sayin'is the body was found
on Dottie Pierce's property.

What do we really know about her?
That she's a sweet, little old lady
who likes to drink tea.

She wasn't old in the '40s.
Does she have a record?

Where's her money coming from
that she can afford to turn down
all these offers on her house?

It was a mob hit.
You heard the C.S.I. Techs.
It was an execution-style hit.

Besides, why would she sell her house
to be torn down if she knew that
there was a body buried underneath it?

- Well, the cops are
still gonna want to talk to her.
- Okay, fine. Fine.

Just... Just let me talk to her first
so she's prepared, all right?

[Beeping]
[Coins Clattering]

Ooh!
Look at you.

I hate to bother you, Dottie,

but, uh, we ran into a little problem
with your house.

Look at all those nickels.
Yeah, I know.

What's the matter, dear?

Well, it seems there was
a body buried on your property.

Goodness gracious.
How could that be?

The police are trying
to figure that out now.

It's terrible. Just terrible.

From what we know so far,
it was a man.

And by the way he was dressed,
he was killed sometime in the 1940s.

I wish I could be of help,
but that was quite a long time ago.

- But you did live in the house then?
- Oh, of course.

But my memory,
it's not what it used to be.

I know I buried a cat out there once.
Mrs. Macgillicuddy.

Ah, Mrs. Macgillicuddy.

I loved Lucy. You-You didn't
find her by chance, did you?

No, ma'am.

So, how are you?

I'm fine.

Good.

Well, l-I really miss seeing you around here.

Do you miss seeing me?
Yeah, of course I do.

I was thinking,
maybe it's time that you came back.

We had a pretty good thing
going around here, no?

Yeah, when you weren't
scrutinizing my every move.

Come on, honey. It wasn't that bad.
You know that.

Daddy, I'm happy at Caesar's.
They don't tell me what to do,

they don't tell me what to wear,
and I'm making
a hell of a lot more money.

And did it ever occur to you
that just maybe I'd like to establish
a reputation of my own,

not as Ed Deline's daughter?

Okay, fine. I mean,
you've established a reputation.

And as far as the money's concerned,
I'll match it.

And you can run everything here.
You can run Opus, Mystique,
the bars at the pool.

All of it.
Monica wants me back,
doesn't she?

That's it, isn't it?

She heard how great Pure is doing,
and she's forcing you to hire me back.

Listen, she, you know...
she did mention it.

But the truth is that I really,
genuinely miss seeing you around here.

And you know nobody
can force me to do anything.
Thirty percent raise.

Excuse me?

I can be reached at Caesar's.
Hold-Hold...

Wait. Um, fine.
No problem.

Plus full benefits,

including that 41 (k).

That would be a-a 401 (k).

Yeah, okay, well, whatever.
And my own parking space.

Anything else?
Yes. And I'm still pissed
about Nessa.

What exactly is it
that you're pissed about?

If you weren't in the C.I.A.,
none of this would have happened.

If I wasn't in the C.I.A.,
you wouldn't have had a sister.

Okay.

Well, since it's your fault
Mom can't do it, you have to walk
Prince Edward in the dog show.

Prince Edward? That's funny.

Is it?
Listen, I'm gonna tell you something.

I am not walkin' that little fluff ball
around on a string in front
of hundreds of people. I'm not.

Well, then the deal's off.
I gotta get back to work.

Okay. Hold it!
I'll see ya later.

Just wait. Wait.

Please, isn't there any way that maybe...
that you could show the dog? Please?

No, not if you want me
opening Mystique on time.

I'm really busy.
You can handle it, Daddy.

It's just a dog.
Okay!

Okay.
But I'll tell you something.

You gotta promise me this.
You gotta tell Mom that it was my idea,

because I'd like
the brownie points at least.

You got yourself a deal.
Okay.

Wait.
Love you.

Why couldn't you get a horse?

Come on, boy.
Come on, boy. Let's go.

[Whistling]
Yo!

Prince doesn't know a thing.
He's dumber than wood.

Okay, Ed, just give him
a little treat, all right?

You have to keep the lead taut.
Think of it as an extension of yourself.

Prince Edward will sense
your movement through the leather.

He will?

Little treat.

[Whining]
Yeah. Treat.

Leash. And ?ndale.
Here we go.

Better. Good.

Huh? Look at this.

It's pretty cool.

I'm getting dizzy.

[Prince Edward Barks]

What?

- What's this?
- Nothin'.

Since I'm injured,
Ed is going to be handling Prince Edward
in the competition tomorrow.

- Prince Edward?
- Yeah.

That's a...
That's a cute name.

[Prince Edward Whining]
Yeah.

Um, honey, would you...
Just take him.

I need a couple minutes with Danny.
We're gonna be right over here, okay?

Okay, fine.
But we have a lot of work to do.

You have less than 24 hours
to learn what it took me months to learn.

Okay. You got it, babe.
Please.

How in the hell
did you get roped into that?
Well, I had to.

It's the only way I could get
Delinda back at the Montecito.

Delinda's coming back here?
Yeah.

Well, that's great.
Yeah.

So, anyway, tell me about
this "BlueJaw" Magoon.
What's that all about?

Construction crews dug up the body
on Dottie's property.

Right now, C.S.I.'s checking against
old dental records to see if it's really him.
Wow.

Man, that's really somethin'.
Can you imagine?

Here's a mobster goes off
the face of the earth for 65 years,

and he's right here
under our feet all the time.

Speaking of mobsters,
check out this guy.

[Ed]
I'll be damned.
That looks like Nick Calabrini.

You know this guy?
Yeah, I sent him to prison back in '71.

What'd he do?
Nothin' much.

I had this informant, and, uh,

he used his head
for batting practice.

Turned his skull into mush.
Nice.

Yeah.

I'm lookin' for Ed Deline.

- Hey.
- Hey! You're back.

I hate to say this, Sam,
but you smell like a dog.

Yeah.
It's Beaumont of Silver Mine Springs.

He's this big, goofy Great Dane.
My whale's showing him in the competition.

How adorable.
Yeah, he is.

He reminds me of my first love,
John Butler.

I can't get over the resemblance.
Not the dog, the whale, right?

Yeah. I have a date with him tonight.
I feel like a girl.
Let's sit down and talk about it.

Oh, no, I can't.
I've got so many things to do.
Mystique is a disaster,

and I'm magically supposed
to come up with a big-name
musical act by tomorrow night.

Oh. What are you gonna do?
I thought I'd troll
Celebrity Poker Showdown.

I hear Annie Duke's giving
the Pussycat Dolls a lesson.

You know,
I like the way you think sometimes.

Hey, listen,
how's the new owner working out?
Don't ask that.

Okay.

Well, that makes four different guests
trapped in their showers,
and they're just the ones I've seen personally.

We're gonna have to start going
floor by floor, shower by shower.

[Man]
When?
Today.

Yes, sir.
Consider this a priority.

I'll get right on it, Mike.
[Beeping]

This is Monica.
Leave me a message.

So, Nick,
what brings you to the Montecito?

- Maybe we can do this alone?
- Maybe we could.

But you got anything to say to me,
you can say it in front of the young man here.

I'm not here to hurt you, Ed.

Wow. That's a relief.

Truth is, I sent you to jail for 30 years.
You got a good reason to have a beef.

I got no beef.
I'm out four years.

My life is good,
and I'm totally legit...

for the most part.

Well, I'm glad...
for the most part.

So, uh, to what do I owe
this pleasurable visit?

- I hear you found a body.
- Yeah.

Well, my mother thinks it's her brother,
my Uncle Salvatore.

He came to Vegas in '41
to invest in the Flamingo,

but nobody's heard from him since.

She's been broken up about it for years.

You know, the not knowing, it's...
Well, it's been hard on Ma.

We think that it's Seymour Magoon.

We found a gold ring on his finger
with the initials S.M.

Salvatore Monetti.

That's my Uncle Sallie.

#[Hip-hop]

And when these cards come down,
make sure you're really looking
at the other players and their hand.

'Cause sometimes, they'll let you know
whether they're happy or not
with their cards.

Hey, Delinda.
What a surprise.

[Exchanging Greetings]
I heard you girls were in town.

Well, Annie's just giving us a lesson.
Do you two know each other?

I don't think so.
Annie Duke.
Delinda Deline.

Nice to meet you.
Listen, girls, I hate to interrupt,
but I gotta ask you a huge favor.

- What's going on?
- Okay. Here's the deal.

[Knocking]
Hi.

Hi.
I'm Greta, and you must be Sam.

Come on in.
Yeah.

Trey, Sam's here.

Hi, Beau.
How you doing?

Trey was right.
Beaumont's really taken with you.

How are you? Yeah.

- Hey. You two meet?
- Uh-huh.

Beau hates being alone for too long,
so we really appreciate
you hanging out with him tonight.

- Uh, l-I don't know if I should...
- Look, here's my cell number.

His vet's number's on the back.
We're gonna hit Tom Jones at 8:30.

And then we're having dinner at, uh...
What's the name of the place?
N9NE.

We should be home by midnight,
but you never know.

And he's already eaten,
so you just need to take him out
in, like, an hour or so.

- The leash is on the bed.
- Okay.

Great.

[Barking]

Have you seen Monica lately?
I left her that message.
She never called me back.

Yeah, her voice mail
was full when I called.

- You know, she actually stood up
Tiger Woods for dinner.
- She did not.

- She did. The brother was pissed.
- You met him? You met Tiger Woods?

Yeah. Nice guy.
Gave me a few pointers.

- You're killing me. Tell me what...
- I thought you said
Dottie Pierce was never married?

That's what she told me.

Looks like she was married
at least one time for two days.

She got it annulled May 25, 1941.

- And guess who the lucky guy was?
- Please tell me that it was Seymour Magoon.

- Salvatore Monetti.
- Great.

Looks like that little old lady
who likes to drink tea
also likes to bust a cap in people's heads.

You don't know that.
It's always the wife.

[Barking]
[Chattering]

What's this?

Oh, God.
Sam, thank God you're here.

Uh, you gotta help me.
Please. Please.

I'm talkin' please help me.
Where's Jillian?

She's out there somewhere.
She's waitin' for me...

and this... and this thing
to fall on our hairy asses.

Wait. Are you taking this dog
out into the ring?
Yeah. I'm glad you find the humor in it.

But, uh, the truth is that
I told her to get a hobby.

Then she broke her ankle.
And then... And then Delinda
gave me an ultimatum.

Listen, what's the difference?
Just do me a favor and help me...
What would you like me to do?

Well, I'd like you to-to brush this thing.
I don't know if it's supposed
to be flat or "pouffy," you know?

I think "pouffy"
is these kind of dogs.

Well, good.
Pouff. Here.

All right.
Give me this.

Okay.
Can you make the dog sit?

Here. Treat.
All right.

So what are you doin' here?

Trey Cooper and his fianc?e,
they have a Great Dane that's competing.

I figured I'd show up
and act like I care
in case they ever break up.

I mean, come back to Vegas.
He completely embarrassed me.

I thought he was asking me out.
He was asking me to dog-sit,
as in babysitting, but for a friggin' dog.

[Prince Edward Whining]
He slobbered all over
my new sequin pants.

Listen, listen, listen.
Wait, wait, wait.

I think maybe
you should give me this, okay?
Come on.

Sorry.
It's okay.

Look, um, why don't you just, uh,
find a seat or something?

Right. Right, right.
I'll go find Jillian.

Thanks. That's a...
That's a great idea.

So I talked with the police,
and they confirmed...

that the body
that was found on your property
was a man named Salvatore Monetti.

Poor dear.

Dottie, did you know
a man named Salvatore Monetti?

Salvatore. Salvatore.

It does sound familiar.

Maybe he's somebody
you had a relationship with?

Well... Yes, l-I think you're right.

I did date a man named Sal.

Dottie, you didn't just date Sal.
You married him.

Oh!

I'm so embarrassed.
You're absolutely right.

He was out here from the East Coast.
Something to do with the Flamingo.

And we met, but it didn't work out.

So I had the marriage annulled.
Okay.

So before it not working out,
before the annulment,
was there anything else?

Anything else that
you might wanna tell us about?

Oh, I remember now.

We had a fight, and I had to shoot him
in the head two times.

So you're-you're saying
that it was self-defense?

Oh, no.
I wanted to shoot him.

He wasn't a very nice fella.

I see.

[Announcer]
And here are the semi-finalists
in the toy category.

[Jillian]
Here he comes. Here he comes.

Eddie!
Ed! Ed!

[Screams]

Eddie!

Look at Edward.
Edward is perfect. He's perfect.

Look, look!

You know, they kind of look alike,
Ed and the dog.

It's the hair.
Why do you think I named the dog Edward?

Here we go.
Very nice. Very nice.

Nice, huh?
TheJapanese Chin,
the dachshund,

the Yorkshire terrier
and the Pomeranian.

[Announcer]
Let's here it for the final four!
That's great, yes?

You'll come visit, won't you?
Oh, of course I will.

And you'll tell Delinda
that she's always welcome too.
I'll be sure to let her know.

And that Monica,
well, I'd invite her,

but to be honest,
this is all her fault.

[Danny]
How's this her fault?

Well, I had completely forgotten
why I didn't want to sell my house.

If that bitch hadn't moved
my things to the hotel to kiss up,

I'd be free as a songbird right now.

That's a good point.

[Sighs]

I don't know what you expect me to do.
I just want you to come with me.

I just had a little old lady arrested, Mike.
A little old lady who I liked.
I'm not really in the mood for this.

[Mike]
Monica's been incommunicado for 24 hours.
She's not checking her voice mail.

She missed a meeting
with Tiger Woods.
Something's wrong.

How do you know she's in her suite?
Housekeeping reported
she's got her "Do not disturb" light on.

I figure that's the first place
we should check.
[Sighs]

We're here.
Yeah, I see that.

Uh, Monica, it's Danny McCoy.
[Whispering]
Hey, hey, hey! Just use your passkey.

You use your passkey.
I'm not using my passkey.
No, you should go in.

You brought me here.
Use your passkey.

She's the owner.
You're always telling me how
you have more experience, right?

How you have seniority.
Then it really should be you
who enters the premises.

Are you actually pulling lower rank?

She scares me, Danny.
I'm scared.

Well, you think that I'm not?

Okay. Okay.
Rock, paper, scissors.
No, I'm not...

Come on! Come on!
Man up.
Okay.

[Together]
One. Two. Three.

That's you, dude.

Monica?

You okay?
[Monica]
Don't come in!

She's in the bathroom.

She's trapped inside the shower,
isn't she?

You're trapped inside the shower,
aren't you?

Yeah.

Monica, it's Mike Cannon.
Oh, great. You're both here.

Let's have a party.

We're gonna have to come in there
if you want us to get you out.

Okay. Only one of you.

I'll do it.
I thought you said you were afraid.

I thought you said you were afraid.
Naked trumps fear.

What? Okay, okay.
One more time.

Okay.
Come on. One more time.

On three.
All right.

[Together]
One. Two. Three.

Damn it!

[Clears Throat]
Excuse me, sir.

Just go.
Mm-hmm.

Monica, I'm coming in.

Cover your eyes.
Okay.

Do not open your eyes.

- I can't see a thing.
- If you're looking, you are so fired!

I'm a grown man, Monica.
Give me some credit.

[Mike Grunting]

There you go.
Yeah.

Well, I got a hunch
your theory might be right.

There could possibly be a flaw
in the design of the shower system.

- Gee, you think?
- [Mock Chuckle]

All right. All right.
I'm decent.

Thank you.

You're very welcome.
Okay. Get out.

The dachshund...

[Applause]
TheJapanese Chin
and the Yorkshire terrier.

What the hell?
What the heck's the matter with you?

Sir?
Is there something wrong with you?

You picked that ugly wiener dog
over this specimen?

Look at his coat.
Are you blind?
[Prince Edward Growling]

Are you mad?
Yeah, I'm plenty mad.
I'm plenty mad.

You're not gettin'paid for this, are you?
Oh, no.

You couldn'tjudge a submarine race.
How do you like that?

Yeah?
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah?
I'd like to take you outside
and rearrange your frickin' face.

Let's go.
You wanna go?

Right now.
Come on. Come on.

#[Pop]
[Cheering]

# [Singing]

#[Continues]
They're good.

[Penny]
Yeah.

You overbooked. I knew
you were the right woman for this job.

Yeah, I think I am.
Let me tell you something.

Here's their big mistake.
They don't take women like us seriously.

They don't?
They look at us,
they see sex, a good time.

They have no idea
how deep the well runs.

They have no idea that
this is all just part of a master plan.

What's our master plan?
For us to know and them to find out.

And who's them?
Perfect. Just like that.

You play it just like that.

How y'all feelin'out there?

We'd like to dedicate this song
to all the hot girls.

Are you ready?

You wanna get out of here?
Thought you'd never ask.

# [Ends]

[Applause]

Ow.