LOL: Last One Laughing Italy (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - LOL - Chi ride è fuori Ep.1 - full transcript

10 CONTESTANTS, 1 RULE: DO NOT LAUGH!
THE WINNER WILL DONATE 100,000 EUROS

LOL
LAST ONE LAUGHING ITALY

This is it.
Today we're gonna make history.

It's LOL time.

Contestant number one...

It's Frank Matano.

The man whose laughter
has the highest decibels in Italy.

Holy shit!

I'll try my best, but I cannot win.

Wow, nice.

It's impossible. Have you seen me?
I'm always...



Okay, this is the playroom.

The disguise room.

I thought I'd make an anus
with my lips in order not to laugh.

Like this.

The second contestant has arrived.
I see him from the camera.

Pintus.

No! No!

My friend!

-No!
-I'm so glad!

-You don't sweat much, nice.
-Yes.

Luckily I've brought a change of clothes.

When I saw Frank while walking in
I felt a bit more serene.

I was worried about how I was dressed,
but then I saw him and I calmed down.

What are you doing here?
I thought there would be comedians...



-Are we starting already?
-No, I'm kidding. You know I love you.

Pintus is pumped.

He's very dangerous.

Katia, comedian, actress, TV hostess.

She might also fly planes.

Here I am, I've arrived! No... I've lost!

-Katia.
-That's amazing!

You're so beautiful!

No, it's not okay with you.

They are the type of people who, even
offstage, make me laugh, especially Frank.

-Come with me.
-Frank is having a terrible time.

-He's sweating.
-Frank, you?

Frank is freaking out.

-Next to mine! Wow!
-I can't believe it, we're together.

This suitcase is hideous. Whose is it?
It's mine!

-Wait, I'll...
-Help me.

You need someone tall?

-Whose are these?
-Frank, hi.

-I'm so glad.
-Yes, they are, too.

-Who's they?
-Them.

Do you want an hair dryer? To dry them?
I'll do it for you.

No, he wasn't sweaty.

He had some sweat stains
starting from his wrist...

I'll bend down a sec,
to put my toiletry bag.

All done.

He can't stay still for a second.

But... Thank you!

Oh, what a gentleman.

She's asking if you could kick it.
So she's sure you can break...

We have to take out Frank Matano
and Katia Follesa right away.

Oh, Lillo.

Lillo is a real veteran of Italian comedy.

Like Rambo, but better aged.

-Hello!
-Oh, no!

We've lost already!

We've lost.

I found Angelo, Frank and Katia.

I could endure till the end
or burst out laughing in a second.

I'll hold the door open for you.
Frank slammed it in my face.

I hope I'll resist.

You know, we laughed so much together.

-We did movies together and laughed a lot.
-A lot.

So it will be hard. He knows stuff.

And I know some things about him.

-I know a lot of things.
-No, please, no.

-There is one...
-No, please.

No, please, no.

Michela Giraud.
Italy's most mispronounced surname.

Michela Giraud, 33 years old, model.

Good morning!

-Hi.
-Hi, greetings!

-How are you?
-It's so cool!

It's like the Milan Fashion Week.

Hi!

-We don't know each other.
-No, we don't. You just baptized me.

I've known Giraud for a long time,
because we did drugs together. Kidding.

Yes.

We have old school
and new school meeting up.

I'd like you to go out first, Angelo.

-Why?
-I just feel it.

I'm already sick of your ass!

Oh, Ciro from The Jackal!

You want me here. I can make you drinks...

No, the whole crew!

Oh, well. Come on, it's not fair.

The crème de la crème.

Can I laugh now?
So that when the game starts...

Okay.

-Are you all right?
-Yes. You?

Good.

It looks like small talk,
but they're studying the situation.

Fru! The younger and hallucinogenic
version of Marzullo!

This could be vodka, yeah.

-Hi!
-Fru!

I didn't know you would be here!

What are you doing here?

-You didn't know!
-I didn't!

Yeah, it's me, as I live and live.

Gianluca!

As soon as I walked into the theater,
I thought, "Nice!"

That's it.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Fru has such a funny face.

With Fru I would probably give in.

A suitcase with a unicorn.

-How are you?
-Good.

-I was hoping I'd have the best shirt.
-No.

What a fashion icon, Fru, guys.

-I need to burp. Can I?
-Of course.

Sorry, but I need to. I drank sweet tea.

-What kind of tea makes you burp?
-A sugary one.

Sparkling tea, very good.

Like an Englishman
who drinks tea and then...

You didn't do the English accent.

I don't burp that much, very rarely.

But those few times,
I do it even while speaking. It's awful.

-The English accent?
-No, burping. I can't control it.

Eighth contestant.

Wow, Luca Ravenna.

The only one from Milan
that people from Rome can stand.

So good. I am a huge fan of Ravenna.

I'm Luca Ravenna, I'm a monologist

and I think I'm the least known person
in this theater.

-Good morning!
-Hi, Luca!

Hi.

I'll feel like I'm at
a cousin's middle school party.

-I'm so happy.
-Where I didn't know anyone.

-Hi, I'm Lillo.
-Luca.

-Hello, I'm Katia.
-Nice to meet you.

Anyway, when you walk in
full of enthusiasm...

it's wonderful.

Let's see how it goes.

Luca is a good contestant
because he's good,

but he's also very serious.
So it won't be easy to make him laugh.

Well, now...

Here, right?

From the noblest lineage,
Caterina Guzzanti.

Good evening.

Caterina, I can't believe it!

There are few things which make me laugh.
Unfortunately, one of them is Lillo.

Caterina Guzzanti is also very serious.

Such loud laughter.

She's very dangerous because
she's really professional and serious.

Then, all of a sudden, she goes crazy.

-I'm so nervous!
-How are you?

Since nothing makes me laugh,
I laugh out of politeness.

-So cool.
-Thanks.

I got the first compliment.

-Who's left?
-The tenth contestant.

-Are we sure it's 10 people?
-It says 10 back there.

You counted the lockers. I like it.

He's the clever one of the group.
He knows numbers.

The one who dies towards the end.

The venerable master.

-Who is it?
-Who's that?

-No.
-No, come on.

-No, come on.
-Oh, my God.

-Hello, everyone.
-Genius.

Elio walked in dressed up as Mona Lisa.

-How old are you, Elio?
-It must be 400, 500.

Five hundred.

Yeah, the venerable master, really.

-Thank you!
-She looks back at you.

But it's not easy,
because you're both looking at me.

It's not easy.

Well, I'm here to

depict Italian art and culture
for foreign audiences.

Mona Lisa won for 10 years,
from 1485 on...

This format...

...thanks to this smirk.
Which is borderline.

It's allowed.

-He's already won.
-What a cast, guys. Congratulations.

No, what is Mara doing there?
I told her the red corridor.

Hey there!

-Mara!
-Hi!

Hi, guys!

Wow... Hi, hi!

Now they'll think she's a contestant, too.

-Nice to meet you.
-How are you?

-Oh, we met... No, I didn't.
-You didn't recognize me.

She doesn't know who you are.

-Hello, Mona.
-What a twit.

-You're bigger than the real Mona Lisa.
-I know that.

Attention, please. Mara, you're not
a contestant. Come here, thank you.

-Oh, no.
-That's too bad.

Red corridor, red corridor.

Red, which one?

-For pity's sake.
-There it is. Beautiful.

-Bye, guys.
-Bye, Mara.

Bye.

This is awful.

You always find a way to do less for more.

To not do shit?

Bye! Bye, guys.

Wonderful. Because at first...

"Please, don't swear."

Then she went, "Shit."

I thought, "Wonderful. Now I'm home."

Hey, dude, you ditched me
at the bus stop all alone.

-Did you forget about me?
-Whatever. Come here.

-So this is the control room?
-Please, have a seat.

Sorry, what should I do here?

You have to help me check
that nobody laughs.

-How long are you staying like that?
-That's my fucking business, first of all.

Hey, what is all this?

-It's the hand controller.
-What for?

Well, I know for sure that...
Green button, we start the game.

And when somebody laughs and we need
to stop the game, the red button.

-Good. And what about the other buttons?
-I have no idea.

You're a genius. My 2-year old niece
would have guessed that, too.

But I think that when
we want to spice things up,

we can press these
and something will happen.

-Oh, very good.
-Hey, guys.

-You have to come.
-Shall we sit at the table?

-Yes, it would be nice.
-So we can chat.

-Elio, can you do that?
-Tell me.

-I took the initiative.
-I love it.

Fedez, I want to start.
I can't wait, come on.

I'll go do the honors, then. Fist bump.

Yeah, I know, the fist bump is hip.

-I'll go now.
-I'll be here. Don't you forget about me.

Welcome to hell.

-How are you? Good?
-Big up for Fedez!

Fedez looks like he came out of
One Hundred and One Dalmatians

because of his outfit.

-Hello.
-Hi, Fedez, greetings.

His outfit impressed me tremendously,
and Frank passed to the second place.

I'm being ironic, obviously.

So, everything happens today.

You will be spending
six exhausting hours in this room

where you will try to bring down
the worst audience you've ever had,

that is, your colleagues.

There's only one simple rule, which is...

-Do not laugh.
-Do not laugh. Ever.

Do not laugh.

There are lots of cameras around you
that will try to catch your reactions.

And when I find out

that some of you laughed,
or even just smirked,

you will hear this sound.

The game will be temporarily paused,

so you can laugh then if you want.

From the control room, I'll come to
the theater and pull out the yellow card,

which means caution.

That's a warning.

At the second crack-up, out will come...

-Red!
-Unbelievable, but true, the red card.

The contestant will have
to leave the theater

and will be out of the game.

When you'll hear this sound...

the game will start again
and you won't be able to laugh anymore.

Side note,

whoever detaches from the game
and doesn't actively participate

might be liable to get a yellow card.

Oh, okay. Right.

You always have to be very, very active.

My whole strategy has failed.
I have no idea what to do.

I thought
I would become estranged, be a little...

I'm out of ideas now.

The last one standing,
the most serious one, so to speak,

will win 100,000 euros.

You can win or lose LOL,

as long as you do it as a comedian.

Good luck.

Thank you.

-Bye, Fedez.
-I'll go back to the control room.

I think Frank could win.

Because he doesn't have a loud laugh.

It may be confused with the alarm.

Well done!

-You were perfect.
-Yes?

-Wonderful. I swear.
-Yeah? I was sweating. Yeah?

You know I'm honest.

As soon as the horses start...

-I'll leave?
-No, you'll target me.

Not horses, it's a horn.

Yeah, but I imagine the horses start.

Shall we let the games begin?

LOL is officially starting.
Who laughs is out.

I must say that when that... started,

I became terribly anxious.

-I got sad.
-Yes, that, too. Well said.

Yeah, I got anxious, at first.

Moving forward, it got worse and worse.

-If I won't laugh, it's nothing personal.
-Of course.

-For me it's the same.
-I admire you all.

Now we need half an hour to adapt to this
new social convention of seriousness.

-So, shall we eat? Shall we do something?
-Yes.

So, let's take... We have quinoa.

I won't laugh.

Qui-no-ah.

Angelo, stop it. Stop being funny.

I'm not laughing, though. It's working.
Go away, Angelo.

Dear Frank Matano has used the technique

of cutting and running.

What a nightmare.

I get that you you don't want to laugh,
but stay still.

This game is a nightmare.

-No, you'll get used to it, Frank.
-No, I'm not...

No, I don't want anything.

Matano has already run
the New York Marathon.

Yeah, back and forth.

-Frank, stop.
-No.

You've done four miles.

You're so lucky.
The fact that you don't sweat

is an advantage.

Pintus is so mean with Frank Matano.
Poor guy.

I feel like an object. For the first time.

Well, Elio is funny.

Anyway, think about
your artistic career sometimes.

-I cannot look at him.
-I couldn't do it.

-Me neither.
-Look at him!

He comes and stares at you...

When will you take it off?

I don't know, it's not that heavy.

-And it's beautiful, so...
-You look great.

-It's a pity to take it off.
-Elio and the hanging stories.

No, no wordplays, Fru.

They're the funniest thing in the world.

Frank can't take it anymore,
he's imploding.

Guys, if you don't mind,
I'll eat because...

You see me like this, but I do eat.

Yeah, it's a matter of...

-How can you do it?
-It's a matter of metabolism.

I'm lucky, I don't do sports.

-You're just like this?
-I'm like this, it's innate.

I can easily eat half a pound of carbonara
and I'm like this.

It's such agony. Why?

You're that lucky.

I've never done sports in my life.

Well, no, but it's my genes.

-Like Belen?
-Stop!

Sorry, I need to exorcise.

It's been five minutes and they're all...

Exhausted. It's so hard.

Here comes the first disguise.

We thought of drinking a bit later, but...

-Cocktails?
-Yes, choose the ingredient...

Vodka sour.

-I'm talking to...
-Gin.

-Vodka sour.
-Perfect.

Since I don't drink alcohol,
I don't know the names of things.

I don't trust non-drinkers.

So what should I do, shouldn't I drink?

A light gin and tonic.

-There's no gin.
-Please, it's my only request.

There's no gin. Gin is so '90s.

Yeah, I know, I was teenaging in the '90s.

Okay.

What's going on? Ciro is on the stage.

God, you can't do that.
The game started just 10 minutes ago.

So he starts to do that thing
which was so stupid, but so funny.

Nice.

It's unbearable.

How does he do that? Oh, got it.

-But is there a trick to it?
-No, it's unbearable.

You do that, you kill them.

I wouldn't have resisted.

Yeah, because he did that unexpectedly.

-Well done, Ciro, well done.
-Thanks.

-Did he impress you, Fru?
-Damn!

He made me laugh. Inside.

I want to press a button. Can I?

-Randomly?
-Yes.

Randomly? Go.

The green one. Go.

Did you get scared?

It will be six fucking long hours.

Just a little attention, please.

This is a nice song. It's not hilarious,
it's an old one with a double entendre.

-It will be funny.
-No.

It's a tribute.

-To whom?
-To music with a double entendre.

Like this song is called

Long Live the Cun-ning Carolina.

It seems like
you're saying something when...

I wrote an alternative version
to make it even clearer for those who...

-Okay.
-...don't understand.

And then there's Fru. Let's go.

Long live the cun
Long live the cun-ning Carolina

No, you ruin the ending like this.

-That was the ending?
-No.

Sorry.

-It sounded like the ending to me.
-Only on the ending.

On the ending.

Long live the cun
Long live the cun-ning Carolina

Who has got the pu
Who has got the pu-ssy

That's it, thanks.

He smirked.

-Red, red.
-Red, red.

Maybe it's me.

Or maybe it went off for the copyright...

Attention, please.

-God. What's up?
-Ouch.

What happened?

I saw Frank Matano
imploding on the inside.

Running the New York Marathon.

But the first one to be cautioned,
against all odds...

Let's watch the video.

No, that means it's not me, then.

Exactly, well done. Perceptive.

Zoom in on sector 8.

Long live the cun
Long live the cun-ning Carolina

Who has got the pu
Who has got the pu-ssy

That's it, thanks.

Fru!

The teeth!

-You're officially cautioned.
-Those were teeth.

That's true.
I'm cautioned, but how could I not smile?

Lillo makes me laugh
even when I look at his back.

Those were teeth, I'm sorry. Oh, no.

When you hear the sound,
the game will start again.

-Thanks.
-Bye.

Fru got the first yellow card.
Next time he laughs, he'll be expelled.

But the game has just started.
Anything can happen.

-Ouch! Are you crazy?
-You're so tense!

-Fuck, that hurt.
-I barely touched you.

LOL is officially restarting.

By the way, guys...

Oh, God.

I'm so nervous, guys.

As soon as the green light is on,
it's over.

I mean, that's it. No more fooling around,
no more laughing...

A photo of Fru. Come here, Fru.
No, it doesn't harm you.

What kind of photo did Matano take?

It's just a photo, a souvenir.

-You look great.
-It's identical.

A photo of a kitten.

-Elio, can I take a photo of you?
-Sure.

Without the flash, please.
You can't use the flash with works of art.

Beautiful.

This cat saying "I like being a comedian"

almost made me crack up.

-Can I see it?
-I think I'll take it home.

-Hey, but it's not the right angle.
-It's not him, it's a cat.

It's a game.

Well, I'm not wearing my glasses, so...

Elio, don't ever say that again.

-Let me see it, Frank.
-Nice.

-Look.
-Oh, my God!

-Look at it, read.
-Beautiful.

Those eyes are nice, too.

Matano is the only one
who can eliminate himself

for something he himself brought.

Did I not put it back?

-Can I borrow your microphone?
-Yes.

-Is it on?
-No, look.

-Look here. No.
-Okay.

Yeah. I've turned it on.

Wake up, everybody, the grinder is here.

Twirl, twirl, cut, cut,
sharpen, sharpen.

Read.

Wake up, ladies, the grinder is here.

I grind knives, I grind comedians,

the grinder is here.

I think that mic will claim some victims.

Cash to eight, price to two.

-Sawdust in the oil aisle.
-No, please, Katia.

Donatella for a cancellation
at register two.

Cash to eight, price to two.

I'll repeat...

-Yes, we're coming.
-Laughter. I saw it.

Oh, come on, guys.

Ouch.

Yeah, wow, that's so obvious.
This is red card material.

He knows, he does.

Go away with that thing!

Pintus is trying to make Matano laugh
using one of his own props!

I'll do anything for my grandchildren.

So you and Grandma...

Frank, stop making him say stuff!
He makes me laugh!

Shall I press the cloud?

First expulsion.

The first LOL contestant
to leave the theater is...