Kitchen Nightmares (2007–2014): Season 4, Episode 1 - Spanish Pavillion - full transcript
(upbeat music)
- Running a restaurant in
Spain should be a dream,
but for 26 year old Laurence
Davey it's a nightmare.
This is fucking critical.
That's not cooked, that's raw.
I'm not going to taste that
yet, but it looks burnt.
- It's the worst meal
we've ever had.
- [Gordon] He's in the shit.
- Five plates yeah, one,
two, three, four five.
- The first thing I've
spotted is dog shit.
And if I can't put him
back on his feet,
he'll be on the next plane home.
When is one of you
gonna step forward
with a pair of bollocks?
When are you guys gonna stop
fucking around with excuses,
because that was
fucking shocking.
(suspenseful music)
(knife twanging)
(upbeat music)
Costa Del Sol, Spain.
For the first time, I'm
abroad on a special mission
to rescue a failing
British run restaurant.
During the summer months,
thousands of Brits will invade
the Mediterranean coastline
and spend their hard
earned cash.
And to cater for the masses,
more and more British
restaurants
are opening on the Costa.
Scampi and chips,
sausage and chips,
fish and chips, barbecued
chicken, fuck me.
Get it right here and you could
be sitting on a gold mine.
How many portions of chips
would you serve per week,
roughly?
- Well, we probably do in
excess of 100 portions a day,
so seven or 800 a week.
- How are the chips?
- Very good.
- Yeah?
What would you do if I
banned chips from here?
- I would not be here at all.
- Would you not come?
- [Man] Probably not, no.
- This is English totally
and it's good English.
- [Gordon] Is there
anything on the Costa
that doesn't come with chips?
- One more steak garnish
please and a lamb shank.
I'll get that.
- [Gordon] One restaurant owner
who thought he'd spotted a gap
in the market is 26 year
old Brit Laurence Davey.
18 months ago he borrowed
40,000 pounds from his dad
and opened La Parra de Burriana,
500 metres off the beach
in the coastal resort of Nerja.
- This restaurant has great
potential to be very successful
and very popular and
it's in a great location,
but I've been doing it
for a year and a half now
and I haven't seen any
success whatsoever.
- [Gordon] Armed with his
catering degree
and a few years managing
night clubs and restaurants,
Laurence designed a
Mediterranean menu
with a twist to lure
the Brits away
from their egg and chips.
(pan sizzling)
- My particular favourite,
king prawns in garlic and
ginger and chilli served
with our signature
chocolate sauce on the side.
It's not very popular
which kind of proves the
adventurous side of my
customers.
- [Gordon] With the prawns
in chocolate sauce failing
to win round the Brits he lost
22 grand in his first year.
- I don't know whether I
went about it the wrong way
or whether people don't want it
or aren't ready for it,
I don't know.
- [Gordon] Since then
he's broadened his menu
to a massive 72 dishes,
cooking everything from Chinese
chicken to Turkish kebabs.
- I've even served
chicken nuggets and chips
to an adult and I
absolutely hate it.
I really hate it.
- But with takings down
on last year,
he'll be lucky to survive the
summer, let alone the winter.
I'm in Spain to stop La
Parra from going under.
(upbeat music)
Hello.
- [Laurence] Hi.
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, very well, how are you?
- Very well, Laurence?
- Yes it is.
- Good to see you.
- And you.
- When did it start
going really quiet?
When did it?
- We suddenly snapped
about September last year.
It suddenly just went as if
a light was switched off.
And it was just, it just died.
Ever since then we've
been losing money.
- What did you know about a
restaurant before you opened it?
- I did my degree, I did my own.
- No in terms of, that's
training, in terms of.
- Sure, sure.
It was a nightclub in Cheltenham
and then became
restaurant manager
of a big restaurant in London
and that's when I really
said alright I'm doing it,
I'm doing really well, I
was succeeding in everything
in what I'm doing, why
can't I do it for myself?
They need me, they
need me in Nerja
they really need me to
do great stuff.
- Yep, and now you're 26?
- Yep.
- And in the fucking shit!
- Yep.
- How bad in the shit?
- I'm 102,000 Euros in debt.
- 102,000 Euros?
- Yes, so.
- That's 75 grand?
- 70 grand yeah.
- So the noose is
really on your neck?
- I've either gotta make it here
or go back to London
and pay back my father.
- Fuck.
The signature dishes
are, what would you say?
- Signature dishes, we
do a great prawns dish
with a chocolate sauce which
I've done from day one.
- Prawns with chocolate sauce?
- Prawns with
chocolate sauce yes.
- So it's starter and
dessert at the same time?
Well fuck me that
sounds different.
Right, let's see what a
former night club manager
has to offer the Brits abroad.
(upbeat music)
Huge menu, extraordinary menu
and then different themes.
Flamenco, burger night, kebab
menu, Chinese chicken or pork.
Confused as to what the
fuck's going on.
If I'd wanted a Chinese
I would have gone to one.
But I'm in Spain.
Let's hope Laurence's
signature dish of prawns
in chocolate sauce gives
me the flavour of the Med.
Cor dear.
I mean, it's worse than a
chocolate sauce.
It's hot over spicy
chilli chocolate sauce.
That's just stupid
arrogance really,
trying to match something
that's never going to go.
If that's how Laurence
serves up fresh local prawns,
then I wonder what
he's got in store
for my fillet steak kebab.
- Well he's gone for the kebab
which is our wow factor dish
when you know it comes out
on the hook, so I think
he gets to see that bit
of what we do.
- Fuck me.
Is that how they're
always served?
Oh Jesus.
Fuck me.
It's the kind of thing
you imagine Jordan eating
with her fucking hands
behind her back.
Is someone taking the piss?
How can you expect
something like that
and that to be cooked at
the same time.
A fillet steak kebab.
It may not sound that exciting
but it should taste delicious.
And that in terms of
presentation
looks like a pile of shit.
If I thought my kebab
was overcooked,
that's nothing compared
to what's happening
to my crème Catalana.
What's all that smoke
coming out of the kitchen?
Is everything okay in there?
- From your dessert, yes?
- [Gordon] From my dessert?
- [Waitress] It's just
when they burn the tops.
- Burn the tops?
- [Waitress] Well not
burn the top.
- It looks as though they've
burnt the kitchen down.
Fuck me.
Well it's certainly burnt.
It looks like a fucking
ice hockey puck.
Look at it.
It comes with an appointment
at the dentist tomorrow morning
at 9:30.
Fuck me.
It's liquid and it's ruined.
So while you're sat with
all these fresh ingredients
on your doorstep and
the climate they've got,
the simpler it is, the
better it's gonna be.
Unfortunately they've got
more complicated
and trying to be clever
and completely lost the
fucking plot.
The first rule for running
a restaurant in Spain
is don't ruin good produce
with fancy gimmicks.
Good food will always
sell itself.
Laurence's novelty dishes
may have been designed
to turn heads, but all it's
done for me is turn my stomach.
The prawns, the flavour
of the prawns
was extraordinary, fresh,
vibrant.
Why do you wanna fuck around
and put chocolate
sauce on there?
- Because I don't wanna be
boring, I want to be exciting.
- I thought it was
fucking hideous.
It didn't work.
But then I came to this
fucking schlong, that kebab.
Have you actually ever
sat at the table
and watched six customers
with this fucking
donkey's dick swinging
in front of their face,
it's hilarious.
- Well that is it, you
know it's a talking point,
it's a wow factor.
- That's a wow factor?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- It's a fillet steak.
- [Laurence] Yes.
- It was tough as old boots.
I don't know.
- [Laurence] Well.
- Before you start
fucking mouthing off,
let me just show you.
A cube that big and a
cube that big
are not gonna cook
the same time.
- [Norm] That was my fault.
- Oh fuck me here we go.
Can I just finish a
sentence first Sinbad
and then you can fucking
come back on me in a minute.
That out there was embarrassing.
So it's painful, if it's
painful for me
and you're a 102,000
fucking Euros in the shit,
fuck knows how you
sleep at night.
- I don't.
You know I feel so shit
about the whole thing,
but deep down I really
want it to work,
I want my dream to come true.
- You're in Spain, you
don't have to be
that fucking quirky to be good.
I'll see you in the morning.
I've certainly got my
work cut out.
I get the feeling
nightclub boy isn't going
to give up his novelty
dishes without a fight.
Prawns in chocolate sauce,
fuck me.
For the first time I'm
in Spain on a mission
to turn around a failing
British run restaurant.
Former nightclub and restaurant
manager Laurence Davey
came to Nerja to
conquer the Costa.
He thought his novelty
dishes of swinging kebabs
and prawns and chocolate sauce
would win over the egg
and chips loving Brits.
But the Brits aren't biting
and after sampling his
food I can see why.
Laurence thought he was
going to come over to Spain
and take it by storm.
He opened up at 24 years of age
using his dads fucking money.
He thought his balls were bigger
than the mountains and
he thought he was going
to bring a Mediterranean
twist with a difference.
He's got all the gimmicks
and he thinks by being simple
it's too plain for Spain,
but you'd never think he's a
102,000 Euros in fucking debt.
It's mid August and Nerja is
flooded with British tourists.
Restaurants on the Costa
will make a quarter
of their annual profit
in August alone.
Even La Parra will be busy
and boy do they need to be.
- Okay, two chicken satay,
three pinchitas moranas,
one prawn cocktail.
- Tonight is my chance
to see how La Parra copes
with a full service.
With Laurence cooking the
a la carte dishes alone
in the kitchen, his
sous chef Norm
is grilling the kebabs and
steaks on the terrace barbecue.
So this is your little
dungeon then?
This is your.
- It sure is.
This is where they lock
me in for the evening.
- Yeah?
Laurence might not have
much experience as a chef,
but he has been a
restaurant manager.
Maybe his skill lies in
employing the best staff
to do the best jobs.
- This goes up and down so
I can higher or lower it
according to cooking
temperatures.
- Fucking hell so it's a
very modern updated barbecue?
- Yes it's more like a
torture rack for food.
- [Gordon] A torture rack
for food, he's not joking.
- Now in my book, I think
that's well done now.
- [Gordon] Suffering on top
of the grill are 10
chicken kebabs
that have yet to be ordered.
- Why do you cook
them so early on?
- I've only just done them.
- But they're cooked.
- Yeah they're coming off now.
- So they're not really
barbecued are they?
They're almost like poached.
- Well they're poached.
- [Gordon] On a barbecue?
- Well I seal them off,
poach them
and then finished them
on the barbecue again.
- [Gordon] Kebabs grilled,
poached,
left sitting in the heat,
they're hardly fresh
off the barbecue.
But according to Norm,
there's plenty of life
left in them yet.
- I usually use them
tomorrow for one day.
I will use them tomorrow,
these ones I've cooked.
- Are you out of your
fucking mind?
- No I was letting
myself go there
but I've told you the truth.
- [Gordon] I respect
your honesty.
But do me a favour.
- [Norm] Yes.
- Don't you serve those
to the stray cats
after service tonight let
alone the fucking customers.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Fucking hell.
Rule number two for running
a restaurant in Spain,
tourists might have
holiday insurance
but that doesn't mean you
can give them Spanish tummy.
When cooking on a
barbecue don't take risks.
Does he honestly serve the
fucking barbecued kebabs
the following night?
- Yes.
- It's your business Laurence.
- [Laurence] I know.
- And barbecues at the best
of times are not the things
to be played with in
the way that it's a toy.
And why don't you
stop him serving?
- I don't know, Norm's Norm
he's in a world of his own.
- And as night falls,
the world of La Parra
becomes even darker.
Norm looks like he's
preparing for a wake
and after seeing his kebabs
I wouldn't be surprised.
It's like we're at fucking
midnight mass here,
you know that?
- [Norm] I know, I know, I know.
- [Gordon] What's that?
- That's the dynamo
torch isn't it?
Right see what's
going on here eh?
- [Gordon] Cooking by
clockwork torch,
it doesn't get any more
Mickey Mouse than this.
You need more light out here.
- [Norm] I do need more light.
- What's the cost of
a lightbulb?
- [Server] The well
done fillet steak.
- Sorry?
- Well done fillet.
- Well done fillet?
- Yes.
- We haven't got that
sweetheart no.
- I ordered a fillet
steak about an hour ago
and it hasn't turned up yet.
I'm bloody starving hungry.
- The food may not be Spanish
but there's certainly
something manana
about manager Alex's service.
They've been sat there over
an hour for their main course.
He's cooking it and the
plates are in there.
- Yeah.
- This fragmented fucking
service is horrendous,
you know that?
Is it normal for customers
to wait this long?
- Fraid so yeah.
I can't go any quicker
than I'm going,
I'm going as quickly as
I possibly can.
It's not as if I'm not trying.
- [Gordon] He can try as
hard as he likes,
but no chef can cook 72
different dishes on his own.
To keep up with his orders,
Laurence has thrown everything
on to his plancha grill.
It doesn't get any
lazier than that
and he's depending on
that plancha grill
to cook everything from
fucking dorade,
to kebabs to chateaubriand
and then this fucking
lazy med veg.
That is the most disgusting
way I've ever seen
fucking good
ingredients bastardised.
He may as well open a
fucking greasy spoon
and serve egg and chips, because
that is fucking disgusting.
The huge menu, the lazy cooking,
and the customers waiting
hours for food.
Laurence has lost the plot.
I don't think I've actually
quite ever been faced
with something that
already so early on looks
like such an uphill struggle.
He's not ashamed, it's bullshit.
Especially when you're
charging money for it.
That's not cooking.
It's day three and the
hard work starts here.
If I'm to stand any chance
of getting La Parra out
of the shit, this place
needs a fresh start.
Forks on the floor, glass
everywhere, cigarettes, chips.
Dog shit, fuck me.
I've seen some unsavoury
things in my time.
Alex two seconds.
But dog shit in the dining
area is unforgivable.
The first thing I've
spotted is dog shit.
That's not good enough.
Are you happy with that?
- [Alex] No I'm not happy
with that, it's disgusting.
- Yeah that's the third
time I've seen it.
Rule number three,
running a restaurant
in Spain isn't a holiday.
There's a laid back attitude,
the fact that we're in Spain
so we can afford to
be semi-casual
because we're dealing
with tourists.
No are we fuck.
We're running a restaurant
and the discipline here
can be the same in Paris, it
can be the same in London,
it can be anywhere and
thinking that it's good to work
in a dirty kitchen or a
dirty restaurant
with dog shit in, forget it.
Manager Alex might be Laurence's
best mate from college,
but he's clearly left his
standards back in Britain.
If dog shit goes unnoticed,
then it's no surprise the
kitchen is dripping in grease.
Your fryers are used a lot yeah?
- [Norm] Yes.
- You put fresh oil in
there all the time?
- [Norm] We change them yeah.
- [Gordon] Yeah of course
you do, yeah how often?
- Once a week.
- [Gordon] The oil would
last a lot longer
if you got rid of all
this stuff here look.
- [Norm] Right.
- There you go, that's what
you're cooking out of yeah?
- [Norm] Right.
- [Gordon] Every time you're
putting fresh oil in there,
it's making fuck all difference.
That's slodge.
With the restaurant having
a much needed deep clean,
there's something else I
want to clear up.
Last February Laurence put
on a Valentine's dinner
for the local donkey
sanctuary charity.
100 British ex pats paid
30 pound a head
for a fund raising meal.
Rumour has it Laurence
made a complete arse of it.
How bad did it go?
I mean was it.
- [Laurence] It was a
complete fuck up.
It was an absolute disaster.
- [Gordon] In what way?
- The food was overcooked, dry,
tasteless.
- [Gordon] What was the menu?
- We did the chicken
liver parfait.
Which wasn't made
until the morning
so it had no time to set.
A chicken dish wrapped in
Serrano ham, baked in the oven
and the chicken was so
dry it was like cardboard.
- [Gordon] Did you give
it to them on the house?
- No.
- [Gordon] You charged them?
- [Laurence] Yep.
- Fucking hell, no wonder
they haven't been back.
Rule number four, when you're
running a restaurant in Spain,
don't piss off the locals.
When the tourists
have gone home,
the local ex pats
account for 80%
of your takings in the
winter months.
Without them a British
restaurant
in Spain can't survive.
(speaking in Spanish)
I'm heading into
hostile territory
to make peace with the natives.
I'm off to the local
donkey sanctuary
and hopefully after
meeting them I want to see
if there's any chance that
they'll actually come back
and give the restaurant
one more fucking chance.
All I know about donkey's
is they're stubborn.
This isn't gonna be easy.
I'm fascinated to get
to the bottom
of what actually happened
on that fund raising dinner
in terms of big event.
- I mean not being funny
it was the sort of meal
that you're all
waiting the next day
to have a very nasty trip
into the toilet.
- [Gordon] What was the menu?
- The menu was pate initially.
- Yes.
- Which was frozen.
- You needed a blow torch
to defrost it on your plate.
- On the plate frozen?
- Yes.
- Frozen on the plate.
- The main course was?
- Chicken stuffed with banana,
supposed to be served
with asparagus.
- [Gordon] Banana?
- [Woman] Yes.
- Banana and asparagus?
- [Woman] It wasn't a
very good combination.
- It was supposed to
be his signature dish.
- [Gordon] Not another one
with a fucking twist on there.
This became cancerous didn't it?
Because it spread like
wildfire across the town?
- [Woman] Oh yes, well it
is a small town.
- Actually he was quite
arrogant about the whole thing.
- If he thinks he can survive
in a small town like this
with that attitude he's
got another thing coming.
- Have you been back since?
(women laughing)
- No.
- Is there any small
fraction of possibility
if you could just think about
it if I could convince you
just to put one foot
in the door,
it would be a big
fucking help I'm serious.
- Do you promise us
we don't have
to eat chocolate covered prawns?
- [Gordon] Charging the
local charity
for a bad meal smacks of
unbelievable arrogance.
Laurence might have
come to Spain
to offer the Brits
something different
but so far all he's given them
is pretentious novelty food.
I'm going to give him a
taste of his own medicine.
Have a taste of that, smell
first maybe and a little taste.
First off, a chocolate
and prawn smoothie based
on Laurence's signature dish.
What does that taste
of Laurence?
- Chocolate.
- Yeah you smell chocolate and
then it tastes like cookies.
- Cookies?
Taste that one again.
- No thanks, I think
it's fucking horrible.
- Okay.
Next a chicken and banana
smoothie based
on the dish he served at
the donkey sanctuary dinner.
- There's a texture in there
which is quite stringy.
- [Gordon] Stringy?
- It's a stringy texture.
- [Gordon] So banana and string?
- Banana and something
horrible in it again.
- Blindfolds off.
The first one is fucking
prawns and chocolate.
Could you taste the prawn there?
- Well I knew there was
something in there
that was not very nice.
- You didn't get it.
What I'm trying to say is
you've got the best of prawns,
let them fucking taste of prawn.
Don't let them taste
of prawn and chocolate.
This is the most
painful smoothie
because it's a
chicken and banana
and it's the fucking,
the dish that managed
to piss off the locals
at the donkey sanctuary's
fucking charitable event.
What the fuck were you thinking
about putting banana and
chicken together?
Tell me so I can help you.
- Okay it was just a
way of using
like a South American
kind of influences
in the roasted chicken.
- You didn't fucking tell me
the truth about the banana.
- No.
- And I'm a chef.
And I've done my fucking
homework before I got here.
And let food taste of
what it should.
It's not just mixing
prawns with chocolate
and chicken with banana
that's the problem,
it's the other 70 dishes
on Laurence's huge menu.
Sit down.
I want to replace it with
a dozen dishes
that he can cook easily
to stop the tourists waiting
hours for their dinner.
Have you come to terms with
trying to restrict the menu?
- Every time I try to
think about it,
I think of the people
that have asked
for those particular items
and why I shouldn't
take them off.
I do get some
returning customers
so I must be doing
something right.
- Well where are these
fuckers then?
Because I've been here for
three nights on the trot
and I don't see the
fucking return business.
You've given me the impression
in such a short period
of time of knowing you
that I've got a young man
that's playing with
his dad's money,
trying to fucking run
a restaurant.
That's the impression I get.
- Well I think that's wrong
because I believe that
what I'm doing is right.
If I didn't I
wouldn't be doing it.
- I couldn't do this
fucking menu on my own
with 72 dishes on there.
I couldn't do it.
Because you're not a
fucking proper chef.
So if you're not a proper chef
then don't try and cook
out of your box,
and unless that's gonna
fucking sink in
and stay in your mind
I've got no chance.
Laurence is refusing
to reduce his huge menu
but it's the only way
he'll ever cope
with a busy restaurant.
It's time to prove my point.
For tonight's service,
I've devised a three
course Mediterranean menu
that will fly out the kitchen
and get customers
served quickly.
A gazpacho soup, barbecued
chicken with a warm potato
salad,
and a roasted caramelised peach.
What's the twist?
- There isn't a twist.
- It's all fucking local.
That's it, there's no
twist there.
Tonight customers will order
from Laurence's a la carte menu
but when he falls behind
he'll switch to mine
and that will show him how
quick he can serve customers.
I just want him to have
that emergency menu
at the forefront of his
mind, set his ego apart,
get that back in London
for him to concentrate
on sort of accomplishing
a fully booked service
with no complaints.
- Got an order for
chocolate prawns.
He said you know earlier,
no one wants to buy chocolate
prawns, he thinks it's shit,
a stupid idea, first order
that came in, chocolate prawns
and carrot soup, so.
(upbeat music)
- It's nine o'clock
and the orders
from Laurence's huge menu of
72 dishes are now flooding in,
but it's already
starting to go wrong.
Look, look, it's raw
it's not pink, it's raw.
It's raw.
It's red raw.
All I want you to do is just
cook a fucking kebab properly.
- [Norm] Well that's
all I wanna do.
- Yeah please.
Right are you in control?
Yeah?
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- Yeah, that, I'm, not
gonna taste that yet
but it looks burnt.
Laurence needs to push
the button now
and replace his menu
with my menu
if he's to avoid a repeat
of last night's fiasco.
You wanna push the button?
- No.
- [Gordon] No, no, seriously.
- No.
- [Gordon] No, no
seriously yeah.
- Not yet, not yet, no.
- [Gordon] Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Yeah?
This is nothing to do
with your bollocks
and the size of your cock is it?
- No.
- [Gordon] Laurence's reluctance
to use my emergency menu means
it's customers who suffer.
- And if I'm dead honest
with you the lamb is,
everyone's saying the
lamb's bone dry,
appalling really,
really is appalling.
- What happened to
that one there?
- [Laurence] It's not hot
enough for them.
- That's not cooked, that's raw.
- [Laurence] But the
complaint was that it's cold.
- [Gordon] Yeah you know
it's cold because it's what?
- [Laurence] Raw.
- That's why.
When meals start coming back,
Laurence finally cracks.
Right you alright?
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- [Gordon] You are yes?
- Yeah, I've called
your menu in.
- [Gordon] You've
called it away?
- Yeah.
- It's all done,
all you have to do is
call it away,
hey and Norm's just got
to put the fucking chicken
on the barbecue
nothing more yes?
Thank you for pushing the
fucking button.
Pushing out my emergency menu
should have been idiot proof
but they've left it too late.
And in the hands of dumb and
dumber it descends into farce.
- This was like put in
25 minutes ago.
- Yeah and I'm still
trying to make it
to send food out, I can't
stop start, stop start.
I'm doing my next order
which is two pork kebabs
and a chicken kebab.
- No don't I just asked you.
- [Norm] Yeah I'm gonna rush it.
- [Laurence] Norm, Norm, Norm.
- [Norm] I'm looking
for the cloth Laurence.
- Oh come on Norm if
there's a time you need
to pull your finger out now,
is right now you know that, eh?
- I know.
- [Gordon] Yeah.
- I've got two pork
kebabs to make now.
- [Gordon] But why are
we serving pork kebabs
when we've got the
emergency menu on?
- I don't know, ask the waiter.
- Fucking hell.
There's little point in asking
restaurant manager Alex.
- [Alex] Are you guys
on top of stuff?
How are your tables?
Do I need to go to any
tables at all?
- [Gordon] He's so confused
as to who's ordered what,
he's now serving food to
tables with no one on them.
- They should be here,
but they're not here.
Right okay go back to
the kitchen.
- This place right now is the
biggest shit hole in Spain.
It's fucking embarrassing.
Costa Del Shit Hole
at it's best.
- It's the worst meal
we've ever had.
- Well it's quarter to 12 now
and we got here at
half past nine
and we've just finished
the main course
so it has been a long wait.
- With customers worn
out from waiting,
meals being sent back and
now refunds being handed out.
Surely even Laurence can see
that by sticking to
his stupid menu,
he's only got himself to blame.
I'm speechless.
So I don't know what to say.
Let's get to the crux, Laurence?
- I mean Norm was put under
far too much pressure tonight,
you know he, you know your
menu made him plate up
his own plates and do
the starters
and the cold soups out
there on the barbie
and he couldn't manage, it
slowed him down too much.
- You're telling me that my
menu fucked him up on the grill.
- [Laurence] He couldn't,
he couldn't deal with it.
- Couldn't deal with what?
Putting the fucking
bowl of soup out
that's already made for him?
- [Laurence] Well that was
all, yeah, it was shown.
- When are you guys gonna stop
fucking around with excuses.
When's one of you going
to step forward
with a pair of bollocks and
give me some fucking honesty?
Because I don't know
where you were
'cause that was
fucking shocking.
Let me tell you something, you
made a fucking good decision.
You pushed the button.
Whether you like it or not
it was too fucking late.
An hour and a half late.
So whose fucking
fault is it now?
Chef.
I'm fucking out of here.
Fuck yourself!
- Well he wanted me to be honest
and I told him what I thought.
Yeah maybe I should have
lead with his whole menu,
but that's hindsight.
And in hindsight I should
never even have done
this fucking project.
(peaceful music)
- [Gordon] It's day five
and there's storm clouds
over La Parra.
I've never felt as bad
about a restaurant
as I did last night and
when I walked out,
I wasn't sure I'd be
coming back.
It's pissing down.
But just when I thought
things couldn't get any worse,
there was a break in
and nearly 4000
pounds was stolen
from the premises over night.
Morning.
- [Laurence] Morning
Gordon, how you doing?
- Yeah fine.
First of all sorry about
the news, fucking hell.
- Yeah it's not good.
- It's not good at all.
How much was it?
- Five and a half
thousand Euros.
- Five and a half
thousand Euros.
(dog barking)
- She's not happy either.
- Well she's not much of a
fucking guard dog is she?
Hey, and where's the,
where's the safe?
It's not so much a safe but a
cash tin in a filing cabinet.
- It's been jimmied
here and down the sides,
it's still locked I haven't
moved or touched anything,
this is how I found it
when I came down.
We've then got the money
box inside here.
- [Gordon] Unbelievable.
- [Laurence] They've left
the small notes,
they just took the big ones.
- [Gordon] I mean I'm not being
funny it's a filing cabinet.
- [Laurence] I know.
- Why would you leave five
and a half grand in there?
The most important rule for
any restaurant owner anywhere
in the world is always put
your takings in the bank.
Jesus Christ.
- I've got to think
long and hard
whether I can actually
continue without that money
and now that maybe the clincher
that you know I won't be
able to make it.
- It's not just a failing
restaurant I'm dealing with
but an owner about to
book his flight home.
If ever there was a time
for Laurence to realise
that I'm here to help it's now.
You know it's your pride
that you've got
to stop fucking worrying about.
Because how fucking
proud are you gonna feel
at fucking Malaga Airport
with your bags.
What are you gonna do,
seriously?
Hello what the fuck are
you going to do?
- Go home.
- Yeah go home with your
fucking cock between your legs.
Yeah, yeah, and what?
Ring your mates and tell them
what a big fucking shit
you've been in fucking Spain.
I don't go through that
kind of bullshit
to fucking help turn a
restaurant around.
I can't do it without you.
I've only one more chance
to get through to Laurence
and get him listening to me.
You wouldn't go into a bull ring
without taking clear instruction
from someone who knows
what they're talking about.
Laurence, (speaking in
Spanish) listen to this man,
for the next five minutes,
because he's gonna show you
some very, very crucial moves.
I hope to god he
ditches the arrogance
and listens to Matador Rafael
more than he's listened to me.
Big fucking test for
Laurence now he's got
to stand on his own two
feet and show me
as the Spanish would
say your cojones.
Show me you've got a
pair of bollocks
and fucking use them.
Have you got your cojones?
- [Laurence] Si.
- [Gordon] Yeah?
- No problemo.
- [Gordon] Where?
- Where?
Currently tucked up inside.
(upbeat music)
- Fucking hell.
Out the way, watch out.
- Fucking hell.
- Where's your cojones?
- Oh it's a fucking,
it's just a shit storm.
Don't think Spanish
bulls like me very much.
Jesus Christ what am
I doing here?
Oh fucking hell that's
not a good sign.
- One thing he doesn't
need now is stubbornness.
Get off your arse.
Come on get up.
- I'm not doing that.
- Come on, get out here,
come on.
With Laurence
carefully listening
to Raphael's expert advice, he
starts to get the hang of it.
- [Laurence] I won one.
- You all right?
Rule number six, running
a restaurant in Spain
is a risky business,
it pays to listen to some
expert advice.
Fucking scary no?
- Yeah.
- How do you feel?
- I feel like your point's
been proven in a very big way.
- You have a big
pair of cojones.
Now just fucking use them.
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- Well done, get some water.
- Yeah.
- Fucking hell.
Now I've got Laurence listening,
I need to get him cooking
like a proper chef.
Every night Laurence
cooks everything
on this plancha grill
to save time.
As a result it all
tastes the same.
Fishy meat and meaty veg.
I want you to do now is
cook an egg on that for me.
Whilst Laurence fries an
egg on the plancha grill,
I'm cooking mine in a
non stick frying pan.
I want to teach him how
his lazy way of cooking
is tainting everything
he serves up.
Okay, that's just with an egg,
yeah?
What I'm trying to get through
is all that there is what?
- Carbonised food from.
- [Gordon] Thank you.
- Ages and ages ago.
- Carbonised fucking shit.
And all I want you to
do now is start thinking
about cooking in pans yeah?
I'm going to show Laurence
that in the time it takes him
to cook a whole sea
bream on his grill,
he could fillet it, fry it
and make a simple
Mediterranean sauce.
What I'm trying to do Laurence
is make your life fucking
easier you know that?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- [Gordon] And whilst I'm
still waiting for yours I've
just gotta, an orange, a lemon,
a pink grapefruit, fresh basil.
Are you cooked yet?
- [Laurence] Almost.
- Out and on.
Now I'm not trying
to be some jumped up fucking
smarmy arsed little fucker,
I'm just trying to explain
you're busting your bollocks
the wrong way round, because
I am not going to listen
to fucking Tom, Dick and
Harry telling me
they want to sit and
fucking compete with that
or sit and eat that.
I know which one you
can do 10 times quicker
and 1000 times better.
Don't be scared to use a pan.
- [Laurence] Okay.
- Do you understand?
- He's drilled into my pride
and you know my arrogance
has really shown through
and I've been a bit of
an arse about it
and been stubborn and you
know I'm really now excited
that he's here and I
really wanna learn
and get this place moving.
- The penny might have dropped
but now I've only got two
days to put things right.
Out with the old, in with the
new, fucking bin them, yeah?
We're short of coal tonight.
With Laurence finally
letting go of his huge menu,
it's time for a new beginning.
In its place I've created
a small Mediterranean menu
using local produce.
Five starters including figs
and Cyrano ham and watermelon
with feta cheese and six mains
including a pan fried sea bream
and a barbecued chicken
on a warm potato salad.
- Actually cooking properly
feels absolutely fantastic.
At last.
Limited menu, fresh
ingredients, absolutely amazing.
- [Gordon] The menu will offer
Brits something authentic,
fresh, and above all
quick to prepare
and reducing 72 dishes to 15,
service couldn't be any simpler
for restaurant manager Alex.
Got the menus?
- [Alex] Yeah.
- [Gordon] Okay so what
about this table here?
- [Alex] I've just taken
their order now.
- Okay good, okay let's go yeah?
The menu's simpler.
A lot easier.
We can do volume now.
Now we've got a chance to
put the fucking thing right.
It's my final night and
it's the relaunch
of La Parra's new menu.
I've only got one shot at this
and I can't afford any mistakes.
Changing you tonight, yeah?
You're coming off that barbecue,
yeah I want you connected
to the owner as a sous chef.
- Okay.
- That's my decision
and I'm sticking to it.
I'm putting sous chef Norm
in the kitchen,
prepping cold starters
and pot washer Tom will take
his place on the barbecue.
It's a gamble,
but I'm confident Tom will
send the meat out cooked.
All you have to do is take
the chicken off the barbecue
and put it onto the
plate and send it yeah?
- [Tom] Sure.
- [Gordon] Good.
- There you go sir.
- [Gordon] This
evening isn't just
about launching a new menu, it's
about Laurence regaining
his reputation
with the British ex
pat community.
Six months ago he hosted
a fund raising dinner
for the local donkey sanctuary,
serving frozen starters
and chicken stuffed with
banana it was a fiasco.
Tonight I've convinced
them to come back.
- It's very nerve
wracking having them here
because I know how much
I upset them last time
and I know how much
distaste they have
for the restaurant in general
and it's really nerve
wracking for me
to know that I've gotta
cook for them
and cook for them really,
really well.
- Tonight will be the test,
whether or not the
food is edible
that would be a good start.
- [Gordon] With customers
getting their food on time,
the relaunch is off to
a good start.
- It's quite refreshing to
have something different
and not the same sort of
chicken or fish with fries.
- A lot better than
last year yeah.
- Phenomenal,
nothing's come back.
Everything's cooked
beautifully, yeah to be honest,
so far it's been a
breath of fresh air.
Right donkey sanctuary
just sat down yes?
- [Laurence] Yes okay we're
on their starters now.
- Treat that table
like a time bomb.
The starters arrive for
the donkey sanctuary,
but just when I thought
it was all going to plan,
Alex has forgotten to
serve the wine.
How can you put the
starters down
without the serving the wine?
Of all tables, come on.
At nine o'clock, the
restaurant's full but bizarrely
there's a backlog of
people waiting for tables.
It's Alex's responsibility
to get them seated,
but he's flapping around
like a headless chicken.
What's going on with these
fucking tables waiting
in the bar for so long?
Table six?
- Table six, yeah I
double booked it you see
at the start of the night
and I had to tell them
that you know we need
to have the table back.
- Who do you tell you need
the table back, the customer?
- The customer yes.
- What about the
fucking kitchen?
They need to know first,
because they've got to cook it.
- Yeah.
- So move your arse.
For some bizarre reason Alex
has got tables double
booked within an hour.
No one can eat anything
within in hour.
Embarrassing, I mean
fucking embarrassing.
Alex has simply got greedy
in thinking they can turn
tables around in an hour.
As a result, people
are turning up
for their reservations,
but have nowhere to sit
and in the kitchen Laurence
is now struggling with
a backlog of orders.
On top of all that Alex has
now gone into melt down.
Alex get a grip.
Alex, you can do it Alex.
- I know.
- You can fucking do it.
We're waiting on you.
- [Alex] I know you're
waiting on me
and I really appreciate this.
- This is fucking critical.
Fucking hell, go, come
on Alex please.
- We waited for 40
minutes for a starter
then sat with dirty
plates for 45 minutes
and then we were asked to
leave the table
because the next lot of
guests arrived.
- Five plates yeah, one, two,
three, four, five, right?
- [Gordon] Although
under pressure,
Laurence is at least coping
with my reduced menu.
- You've got three Cyrano,
three water melon yeah?
Finish those off in a minute
as soon as I get these out.
- [Gordon] I can
only be grateful
that Laurence got the donkey
sanctuary main courses out
before the shit hit the fan.
- Very, very nice, I
mean it was a lot nicer
than chicken and banana
I must admit.
- The food is
actually very good,
I think everybody's quite
pleased with the food.
- If he can come up
with this sort of deal,
yes we'll be back again.
- Yes but the service
leaves quite a little bit
to be desired I think.
A lot more work on the service.
- It's the end of the evening
and Laurence's cooking has
been a success.
But Alex's double booking
madness has let everyone down.
We were so close Alex, so close.
You can do better.
- I know I can do better.
- You can do better.
- I know I can do better.
- Turn round and tell him
that, he's paying your salary.
Fucking tough night, a
real tough night, 87 covers
and it was a struggle
and the service
was fucking pretty dismal.
However the donkey
sanctuary have confirmed
they're gonna come back.
That speaks volumes,
that means the local community
are now back on their side
and quite frankly you can't
ask for a more crucial time
for them to support it
because we're just about to
come out of the summer season
and into the fucking winter.
And without their support,
they won't get
through the winter.
In six days I've finally
seen a change at La Parra,
but once I've gone Laurence
has only four weeks
until the end of the season
to make the money that will
help him survive the winter.
Remember, do not cut corners
and don't make a fucking
ass of yourself.
Look, a stark reminder
to make sure that
standards never slip,
don't make a fucking
ass of yourself.
That's gone.
- Yeah.
- That has fucking gone.
Goodbye.
- [Laurence] Bye.
- I only hope La Parra's doors
will still be open
when I return.
(gate rattles)
(upbeat music)
In the summer I spent a
week at La Parra de Burriana
on the Costa Del Sol.
It was holiday hell.
That's not cooked, that's raw.
Former nightclub manager
Laurence Davey
was up to his eyes in debt.
He had swinging kebabs.
Is someone take the piss?
Prawns in chocolate sauce.
I thought it was
fucking hideous.
And his dishes with a twist
had pissed off the Brits.
- Quite appalling really.
Really is appalling.
- [Gordon] Laurence
was so stubborn,
he wouldn't give up his
huge menu without a fight.
- No.
- [Gordon] Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Yeah?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- This is nothing to do
with your bollocks
and the size of your cock is it?
- No.
- [Gordon] After knocking
some sense into him,
I created a set menu
of just 15 authentic
Mediterranean dishes.
And on the launch night we
won back the local expat trade
that Laurence had lost.
- If he can come up
with this sort of deal,
yes we'll be back again.
- [Gordon] Four weeks later,
I'm back on the Costa,
it's late September and most
of the tourists have packed up
and gone home.
The beach front
restaurants are deserted
and Nerja feels like
a ghost town.
I only hope La Parra is
faring better.
Good to see you.
- And you.
- Yeah, how's the month been?
- [Laurence] Busy, very,
very busy.
- Really?
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- Good.
- Almost double last year, so.
- [Gordon] That's
fucking great news.
- Yeah.
- Good to see you.
- You too.
- How have you been?
- Really good, yeah,
it's been great.
- Yes, busy?
- It has been busy.
- [Gordon] And you're
working hard?
- Yes.
- Yes, less flustered?
- Yes.
- [Gordon] More organised?
- We're organised, we're
happy we're communicating.
- And what's the special
kebab tonight?
- Special kebab?
The special kebab is in the bin.
- Great, donkey dick
kebabs are off the menu.
Norm's still in the kitchen
preparing cold starters.
Good to see you, my man.
And out on the terrace is Tom.
The former pot washer, now
promoted as the barbecue chef.
And has Norman sneaked
out here again
or is this your domain?
- This is my domain.
- [Gordon] It's your domain?
- Yes.
- [Gordon] But best of all,
Laurence is no longer
cooking on the plancha grill.
- [Laurence] I haven't used
it in about three weeks.
- [Gordon] You haven't
used the plancha grill?
- I haven't touched it no.
- Thank you.
Fucking hell I really
mean that yeah.
You must miss it no?
- No, I did, I did for
about a week,
I kept on going back to it,
thinking shit where's my steak?
But it was always in the oven.
- Where shall we sit?
Considering it's the end
of the season,
La Parra is reassuringly busy.
Everything seems to be
running more efficiently,
there's an air of
calmness around it
and yeah it's a nice buzz
which is lovely.
Everything's gleaming,
it's spotless.
The menu is no longer the
size of a telephone directory.
It's one page and there
are even some new dishes
for me to try.
- I was a little bit cocky
that he'd love my food
when he first got here.
This time round I know
that I really, really
want to impress him now
with these dishes
and if I can't impress him now,
then you know I've
really fucked it up.
- Here we are, here is
the squid and chorizo.
- Thank you.
For my starter, I've
chosen barbecue squid
and chorizo sausage on a
bed of rocket.
It's nicely cooked,
it's not too chewy
and the chorizo sausage just
gives it that little spice
that squid needs and
that's what you come
to Spain for, dishes like this.
For my main course I've
chosen sea bass
on a bed of creamed leeks,
one of the new dishes on
Laurence's autumn menu.
There's just no comparison to
what I was fed a month ago.
It's just really nice
clean, simple honest food
and that's what this
place needed,
without any stupid
fucking twists.
Four weeks ago, Laurence
was 75,000 pounds in debt,
equivalent to a 102,000 euros.
And La Parra was on the
verge of closing down.
What really shocked me
about tonight's dinner
is I can't believe it
was the same guy
that was cooking my
dinner a month ago.
That was delicious.
- Thanks, it's an absolute
pleasure to cook in here now
and you know I'm not angry,
I'm not upset.
I'm just you know cooking
the food that I love cooking
and seeing empty plates
come back clean
and happy customers
leaving the restaurant.
- You took 3000 Euros
this time a year ago,
now you're on 9000 euros.
What have you knocked off
from the debt?
- I've knocked off 13,000
euros since you were here last.
- [Gordon] Cash?
- [Laurence] Cash.
- Already?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- What do you need to do a night
to stay open during the winter?
How many covers?
- During the winter, 20.
- 20, so already tonight
with 33 or 34 in for dinner,
we're not home and dry
but we're fucking making.
- [Laurence] Sure.
- Great headway.
Don't you fucking dare stop,
yeah?
And every time you think
of stopping turn on
the plancha grill yeah?
Deep fry your fucking vegetables
and fucking hit them on there.
- Never again.
- Good night.
Tom.
That was value for money,
delicious, straight forward,
local produce, cooked properly
and he's not trying to
be too fucking clever
and if he can
continue doing that,
he's got a strong chance
of surviving the winter
and opening up next
fucking season ready
to attack it with some
money in the bank.
Thank god for that, the fucking
penny has finally dropped.
(upbeat music)
- Running a restaurant in
Spain should be a dream,
but for 26 year old Laurence
Davey it's a nightmare.
This is fucking critical.
That's not cooked, that's raw.
I'm not going to taste that
yet, but it looks burnt.
- It's the worst meal
we've ever had.
- [Gordon] He's in the shit.
- Five plates yeah, one,
two, three, four five.
- The first thing I've
spotted is dog shit.
And if I can't put him
back on his feet,
he'll be on the next plane home.
When is one of you
gonna step forward
with a pair of bollocks?
When are you guys gonna stop
fucking around with excuses,
because that was
fucking shocking.
(suspenseful music)
(knife twanging)
(upbeat music)
Costa Del Sol, Spain.
For the first time, I'm
abroad on a special mission
to rescue a failing
British run restaurant.
During the summer months,
thousands of Brits will invade
the Mediterranean coastline
and spend their hard
earned cash.
And to cater for the masses,
more and more British
restaurants
are opening on the Costa.
Scampi and chips,
sausage and chips,
fish and chips, barbecued
chicken, fuck me.
Get it right here and you could
be sitting on a gold mine.
How many portions of chips
would you serve per week,
roughly?
- Well, we probably do in
excess of 100 portions a day,
so seven or 800 a week.
- How are the chips?
- Very good.
- Yeah?
What would you do if I
banned chips from here?
- I would not be here at all.
- Would you not come?
- [Man] Probably not, no.
- This is English totally
and it's good English.
- [Gordon] Is there
anything on the Costa
that doesn't come with chips?
- One more steak garnish
please and a lamb shank.
I'll get that.
- [Gordon] One restaurant owner
who thought he'd spotted a gap
in the market is 26 year
old Brit Laurence Davey.
18 months ago he borrowed
40,000 pounds from his dad
and opened La Parra de Burriana,
500 metres off the beach
in the coastal resort of Nerja.
- This restaurant has great
potential to be very successful
and very popular and
it's in a great location,
but I've been doing it
for a year and a half now
and I haven't seen any
success whatsoever.
- [Gordon] Armed with his
catering degree
and a few years managing
night clubs and restaurants,
Laurence designed a
Mediterranean menu
with a twist to lure
the Brits away
from their egg and chips.
(pan sizzling)
- My particular favourite,
king prawns in garlic and
ginger and chilli served
with our signature
chocolate sauce on the side.
It's not very popular
which kind of proves the
adventurous side of my
customers.
- [Gordon] With the prawns
in chocolate sauce failing
to win round the Brits he lost
22 grand in his first year.
- I don't know whether I
went about it the wrong way
or whether people don't want it
or aren't ready for it,
I don't know.
- [Gordon] Since then
he's broadened his menu
to a massive 72 dishes,
cooking everything from Chinese
chicken to Turkish kebabs.
- I've even served
chicken nuggets and chips
to an adult and I
absolutely hate it.
I really hate it.
- But with takings down
on last year,
he'll be lucky to survive the
summer, let alone the winter.
I'm in Spain to stop La
Parra from going under.
(upbeat music)
Hello.
- [Laurence] Hi.
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, very well, how are you?
- Very well, Laurence?
- Yes it is.
- Good to see you.
- And you.
- When did it start
going really quiet?
When did it?
- We suddenly snapped
about September last year.
It suddenly just went as if
a light was switched off.
And it was just, it just died.
Ever since then we've
been losing money.
- What did you know about a
restaurant before you opened it?
- I did my degree, I did my own.
- No in terms of, that's
training, in terms of.
- Sure, sure.
It was a nightclub in Cheltenham
and then became
restaurant manager
of a big restaurant in London
and that's when I really
said alright I'm doing it,
I'm doing really well, I
was succeeding in everything
in what I'm doing, why
can't I do it for myself?
They need me, they
need me in Nerja
they really need me to
do great stuff.
- Yep, and now you're 26?
- Yep.
- And in the fucking shit!
- Yep.
- How bad in the shit?
- I'm 102,000 Euros in debt.
- 102,000 Euros?
- Yes, so.
- That's 75 grand?
- 70 grand yeah.
- So the noose is
really on your neck?
- I've either gotta make it here
or go back to London
and pay back my father.
- Fuck.
The signature dishes
are, what would you say?
- Signature dishes, we
do a great prawns dish
with a chocolate sauce which
I've done from day one.
- Prawns with chocolate sauce?
- Prawns with
chocolate sauce yes.
- So it's starter and
dessert at the same time?
Well fuck me that
sounds different.
Right, let's see what a
former night club manager
has to offer the Brits abroad.
(upbeat music)
Huge menu, extraordinary menu
and then different themes.
Flamenco, burger night, kebab
menu, Chinese chicken or pork.
Confused as to what the
fuck's going on.
If I'd wanted a Chinese
I would have gone to one.
But I'm in Spain.
Let's hope Laurence's
signature dish of prawns
in chocolate sauce gives
me the flavour of the Med.
Cor dear.
I mean, it's worse than a
chocolate sauce.
It's hot over spicy
chilli chocolate sauce.
That's just stupid
arrogance really,
trying to match something
that's never going to go.
If that's how Laurence
serves up fresh local prawns,
then I wonder what
he's got in store
for my fillet steak kebab.
- Well he's gone for the kebab
which is our wow factor dish
when you know it comes out
on the hook, so I think
he gets to see that bit
of what we do.
- Fuck me.
Is that how they're
always served?
Oh Jesus.
Fuck me.
It's the kind of thing
you imagine Jordan eating
with her fucking hands
behind her back.
Is someone taking the piss?
How can you expect
something like that
and that to be cooked at
the same time.
A fillet steak kebab.
It may not sound that exciting
but it should taste delicious.
And that in terms of
presentation
looks like a pile of shit.
If I thought my kebab
was overcooked,
that's nothing compared
to what's happening
to my crème Catalana.
What's all that smoke
coming out of the kitchen?
Is everything okay in there?
- From your dessert, yes?
- [Gordon] From my dessert?
- [Waitress] It's just
when they burn the tops.
- Burn the tops?
- [Waitress] Well not
burn the top.
- It looks as though they've
burnt the kitchen down.
Fuck me.
Well it's certainly burnt.
It looks like a fucking
ice hockey puck.
Look at it.
It comes with an appointment
at the dentist tomorrow morning
at 9:30.
Fuck me.
It's liquid and it's ruined.
So while you're sat with
all these fresh ingredients
on your doorstep and
the climate they've got,
the simpler it is, the
better it's gonna be.
Unfortunately they've got
more complicated
and trying to be clever
and completely lost the
fucking plot.
The first rule for running
a restaurant in Spain
is don't ruin good produce
with fancy gimmicks.
Good food will always
sell itself.
Laurence's novelty dishes
may have been designed
to turn heads, but all it's
done for me is turn my stomach.
The prawns, the flavour
of the prawns
was extraordinary, fresh,
vibrant.
Why do you wanna fuck around
and put chocolate
sauce on there?
- Because I don't wanna be
boring, I want to be exciting.
- I thought it was
fucking hideous.
It didn't work.
But then I came to this
fucking schlong, that kebab.
Have you actually ever
sat at the table
and watched six customers
with this fucking
donkey's dick swinging
in front of their face,
it's hilarious.
- Well that is it, you
know it's a talking point,
it's a wow factor.
- That's a wow factor?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- It's a fillet steak.
- [Laurence] Yes.
- It was tough as old boots.
I don't know.
- [Laurence] Well.
- Before you start
fucking mouthing off,
let me just show you.
A cube that big and a
cube that big
are not gonna cook
the same time.
- [Norm] That was my fault.
- Oh fuck me here we go.
Can I just finish a
sentence first Sinbad
and then you can fucking
come back on me in a minute.
That out there was embarrassing.
So it's painful, if it's
painful for me
and you're a 102,000
fucking Euros in the shit,
fuck knows how you
sleep at night.
- I don't.
You know I feel so shit
about the whole thing,
but deep down I really
want it to work,
I want my dream to come true.
- You're in Spain, you
don't have to be
that fucking quirky to be good.
I'll see you in the morning.
I've certainly got my
work cut out.
I get the feeling
nightclub boy isn't going
to give up his novelty
dishes without a fight.
Prawns in chocolate sauce,
fuck me.
For the first time I'm
in Spain on a mission
to turn around a failing
British run restaurant.
Former nightclub and restaurant
manager Laurence Davey
came to Nerja to
conquer the Costa.
He thought his novelty
dishes of swinging kebabs
and prawns and chocolate sauce
would win over the egg
and chips loving Brits.
But the Brits aren't biting
and after sampling his
food I can see why.
Laurence thought he was
going to come over to Spain
and take it by storm.
He opened up at 24 years of age
using his dads fucking money.
He thought his balls were bigger
than the mountains and
he thought he was going
to bring a Mediterranean
twist with a difference.
He's got all the gimmicks
and he thinks by being simple
it's too plain for Spain,
but you'd never think he's a
102,000 Euros in fucking debt.
It's mid August and Nerja is
flooded with British tourists.
Restaurants on the Costa
will make a quarter
of their annual profit
in August alone.
Even La Parra will be busy
and boy do they need to be.
- Okay, two chicken satay,
three pinchitas moranas,
one prawn cocktail.
- Tonight is my chance
to see how La Parra copes
with a full service.
With Laurence cooking the
a la carte dishes alone
in the kitchen, his
sous chef Norm
is grilling the kebabs and
steaks on the terrace barbecue.
So this is your little
dungeon then?
This is your.
- It sure is.
This is where they lock
me in for the evening.
- Yeah?
Laurence might not have
much experience as a chef,
but he has been a
restaurant manager.
Maybe his skill lies in
employing the best staff
to do the best jobs.
- This goes up and down so
I can higher or lower it
according to cooking
temperatures.
- Fucking hell so it's a
very modern updated barbecue?
- Yes it's more like a
torture rack for food.
- [Gordon] A torture rack
for food, he's not joking.
- Now in my book, I think
that's well done now.
- [Gordon] Suffering on top
of the grill are 10
chicken kebabs
that have yet to be ordered.
- Why do you cook
them so early on?
- I've only just done them.
- But they're cooked.
- Yeah they're coming off now.
- So they're not really
barbecued are they?
They're almost like poached.
- Well they're poached.
- [Gordon] On a barbecue?
- Well I seal them off,
poach them
and then finished them
on the barbecue again.
- [Gordon] Kebabs grilled,
poached,
left sitting in the heat,
they're hardly fresh
off the barbecue.
But according to Norm,
there's plenty of life
left in them yet.
- I usually use them
tomorrow for one day.
I will use them tomorrow,
these ones I've cooked.
- Are you out of your
fucking mind?
- No I was letting
myself go there
but I've told you the truth.
- [Gordon] I respect
your honesty.
But do me a favour.
- [Norm] Yes.
- Don't you serve those
to the stray cats
after service tonight let
alone the fucking customers.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Fucking hell.
Rule number two for running
a restaurant in Spain,
tourists might have
holiday insurance
but that doesn't mean you
can give them Spanish tummy.
When cooking on a
barbecue don't take risks.
Does he honestly serve the
fucking barbecued kebabs
the following night?
- Yes.
- It's your business Laurence.
- [Laurence] I know.
- And barbecues at the best
of times are not the things
to be played with in
the way that it's a toy.
And why don't you
stop him serving?
- I don't know, Norm's Norm
he's in a world of his own.
- And as night falls,
the world of La Parra
becomes even darker.
Norm looks like he's
preparing for a wake
and after seeing his kebabs
I wouldn't be surprised.
It's like we're at fucking
midnight mass here,
you know that?
- [Norm] I know, I know, I know.
- [Gordon] What's that?
- That's the dynamo
torch isn't it?
Right see what's
going on here eh?
- [Gordon] Cooking by
clockwork torch,
it doesn't get any more
Mickey Mouse than this.
You need more light out here.
- [Norm] I do need more light.
- What's the cost of
a lightbulb?
- [Server] The well
done fillet steak.
- Sorry?
- Well done fillet.
- Well done fillet?
- Yes.
- We haven't got that
sweetheart no.
- I ordered a fillet
steak about an hour ago
and it hasn't turned up yet.
I'm bloody starving hungry.
- The food may not be Spanish
but there's certainly
something manana
about manager Alex's service.
They've been sat there over
an hour for their main course.
He's cooking it and the
plates are in there.
- Yeah.
- This fragmented fucking
service is horrendous,
you know that?
Is it normal for customers
to wait this long?
- Fraid so yeah.
I can't go any quicker
than I'm going,
I'm going as quickly as
I possibly can.
It's not as if I'm not trying.
- [Gordon] He can try as
hard as he likes,
but no chef can cook 72
different dishes on his own.
To keep up with his orders,
Laurence has thrown everything
on to his plancha grill.
It doesn't get any
lazier than that
and he's depending on
that plancha grill
to cook everything from
fucking dorade,
to kebabs to chateaubriand
and then this fucking
lazy med veg.
That is the most disgusting
way I've ever seen
fucking good
ingredients bastardised.
He may as well open a
fucking greasy spoon
and serve egg and chips, because
that is fucking disgusting.
The huge menu, the lazy cooking,
and the customers waiting
hours for food.
Laurence has lost the plot.
I don't think I've actually
quite ever been faced
with something that
already so early on looks
like such an uphill struggle.
He's not ashamed, it's bullshit.
Especially when you're
charging money for it.
That's not cooking.
It's day three and the
hard work starts here.
If I'm to stand any chance
of getting La Parra out
of the shit, this place
needs a fresh start.
Forks on the floor, glass
everywhere, cigarettes, chips.
Dog shit, fuck me.
I've seen some unsavoury
things in my time.
Alex two seconds.
But dog shit in the dining
area is unforgivable.
The first thing I've
spotted is dog shit.
That's not good enough.
Are you happy with that?
- [Alex] No I'm not happy
with that, it's disgusting.
- Yeah that's the third
time I've seen it.
Rule number three,
running a restaurant
in Spain isn't a holiday.
There's a laid back attitude,
the fact that we're in Spain
so we can afford to
be semi-casual
because we're dealing
with tourists.
No are we fuck.
We're running a restaurant
and the discipline here
can be the same in Paris, it
can be the same in London,
it can be anywhere and
thinking that it's good to work
in a dirty kitchen or a
dirty restaurant
with dog shit in, forget it.
Manager Alex might be Laurence's
best mate from college,
but he's clearly left his
standards back in Britain.
If dog shit goes unnoticed,
then it's no surprise the
kitchen is dripping in grease.
Your fryers are used a lot yeah?
- [Norm] Yes.
- You put fresh oil in
there all the time?
- [Norm] We change them yeah.
- [Gordon] Yeah of course
you do, yeah how often?
- Once a week.
- [Gordon] The oil would
last a lot longer
if you got rid of all
this stuff here look.
- [Norm] Right.
- There you go, that's what
you're cooking out of yeah?
- [Norm] Right.
- [Gordon] Every time you're
putting fresh oil in there,
it's making fuck all difference.
That's slodge.
With the restaurant having
a much needed deep clean,
there's something else I
want to clear up.
Last February Laurence put
on a Valentine's dinner
for the local donkey
sanctuary charity.
100 British ex pats paid
30 pound a head
for a fund raising meal.
Rumour has it Laurence
made a complete arse of it.
How bad did it go?
I mean was it.
- [Laurence] It was a
complete fuck up.
It was an absolute disaster.
- [Gordon] In what way?
- The food was overcooked, dry,
tasteless.
- [Gordon] What was the menu?
- We did the chicken
liver parfait.
Which wasn't made
until the morning
so it had no time to set.
A chicken dish wrapped in
Serrano ham, baked in the oven
and the chicken was so
dry it was like cardboard.
- [Gordon] Did you give
it to them on the house?
- No.
- [Gordon] You charged them?
- [Laurence] Yep.
- Fucking hell, no wonder
they haven't been back.
Rule number four, when you're
running a restaurant in Spain,
don't piss off the locals.
When the tourists
have gone home,
the local ex pats
account for 80%
of your takings in the
winter months.
Without them a British
restaurant
in Spain can't survive.
(speaking in Spanish)
I'm heading into
hostile territory
to make peace with the natives.
I'm off to the local
donkey sanctuary
and hopefully after
meeting them I want to see
if there's any chance that
they'll actually come back
and give the restaurant
one more fucking chance.
All I know about donkey's
is they're stubborn.
This isn't gonna be easy.
I'm fascinated to get
to the bottom
of what actually happened
on that fund raising dinner
in terms of big event.
- I mean not being funny
it was the sort of meal
that you're all
waiting the next day
to have a very nasty trip
into the toilet.
- [Gordon] What was the menu?
- The menu was pate initially.
- Yes.
- Which was frozen.
- You needed a blow torch
to defrost it on your plate.
- On the plate frozen?
- Yes.
- Frozen on the plate.
- The main course was?
- Chicken stuffed with banana,
supposed to be served
with asparagus.
- [Gordon] Banana?
- [Woman] Yes.
- Banana and asparagus?
- [Woman] It wasn't a
very good combination.
- It was supposed to
be his signature dish.
- [Gordon] Not another one
with a fucking twist on there.
This became cancerous didn't it?
Because it spread like
wildfire across the town?
- [Woman] Oh yes, well it
is a small town.
- Actually he was quite
arrogant about the whole thing.
- If he thinks he can survive
in a small town like this
with that attitude he's
got another thing coming.
- Have you been back since?
(women laughing)
- No.
- Is there any small
fraction of possibility
if you could just think about
it if I could convince you
just to put one foot
in the door,
it would be a big
fucking help I'm serious.
- Do you promise us
we don't have
to eat chocolate covered prawns?
- [Gordon] Charging the
local charity
for a bad meal smacks of
unbelievable arrogance.
Laurence might have
come to Spain
to offer the Brits
something different
but so far all he's given them
is pretentious novelty food.
I'm going to give him a
taste of his own medicine.
Have a taste of that, smell
first maybe and a little taste.
First off, a chocolate
and prawn smoothie based
on Laurence's signature dish.
What does that taste
of Laurence?
- Chocolate.
- Yeah you smell chocolate and
then it tastes like cookies.
- Cookies?
Taste that one again.
- No thanks, I think
it's fucking horrible.
- Okay.
Next a chicken and banana
smoothie based
on the dish he served at
the donkey sanctuary dinner.
- There's a texture in there
which is quite stringy.
- [Gordon] Stringy?
- It's a stringy texture.
- [Gordon] So banana and string?
- Banana and something
horrible in it again.
- Blindfolds off.
The first one is fucking
prawns and chocolate.
Could you taste the prawn there?
- Well I knew there was
something in there
that was not very nice.
- You didn't get it.
What I'm trying to say is
you've got the best of prawns,
let them fucking taste of prawn.
Don't let them taste
of prawn and chocolate.
This is the most
painful smoothie
because it's a
chicken and banana
and it's the fucking,
the dish that managed
to piss off the locals
at the donkey sanctuary's
fucking charitable event.
What the fuck were you thinking
about putting banana and
chicken together?
Tell me so I can help you.
- Okay it was just a
way of using
like a South American
kind of influences
in the roasted chicken.
- You didn't fucking tell me
the truth about the banana.
- No.
- And I'm a chef.
And I've done my fucking
homework before I got here.
And let food taste of
what it should.
It's not just mixing
prawns with chocolate
and chicken with banana
that's the problem,
it's the other 70 dishes
on Laurence's huge menu.
Sit down.
I want to replace it with
a dozen dishes
that he can cook easily
to stop the tourists waiting
hours for their dinner.
Have you come to terms with
trying to restrict the menu?
- Every time I try to
think about it,
I think of the people
that have asked
for those particular items
and why I shouldn't
take them off.
I do get some
returning customers
so I must be doing
something right.
- Well where are these
fuckers then?
Because I've been here for
three nights on the trot
and I don't see the
fucking return business.
You've given me the impression
in such a short period
of time of knowing you
that I've got a young man
that's playing with
his dad's money,
trying to fucking run
a restaurant.
That's the impression I get.
- Well I think that's wrong
because I believe that
what I'm doing is right.
If I didn't I
wouldn't be doing it.
- I couldn't do this
fucking menu on my own
with 72 dishes on there.
I couldn't do it.
Because you're not a
fucking proper chef.
So if you're not a proper chef
then don't try and cook
out of your box,
and unless that's gonna
fucking sink in
and stay in your mind
I've got no chance.
Laurence is refusing
to reduce his huge menu
but it's the only way
he'll ever cope
with a busy restaurant.
It's time to prove my point.
For tonight's service,
I've devised a three
course Mediterranean menu
that will fly out the kitchen
and get customers
served quickly.
A gazpacho soup, barbecued
chicken with a warm potato
salad,
and a roasted caramelised peach.
What's the twist?
- There isn't a twist.
- It's all fucking local.
That's it, there's no
twist there.
Tonight customers will order
from Laurence's a la carte menu
but when he falls behind
he'll switch to mine
and that will show him how
quick he can serve customers.
I just want him to have
that emergency menu
at the forefront of his
mind, set his ego apart,
get that back in London
for him to concentrate
on sort of accomplishing
a fully booked service
with no complaints.
- Got an order for
chocolate prawns.
He said you know earlier,
no one wants to buy chocolate
prawns, he thinks it's shit,
a stupid idea, first order
that came in, chocolate prawns
and carrot soup, so.
(upbeat music)
- It's nine o'clock
and the orders
from Laurence's huge menu of
72 dishes are now flooding in,
but it's already
starting to go wrong.
Look, look, it's raw
it's not pink, it's raw.
It's raw.
It's red raw.
All I want you to do is just
cook a fucking kebab properly.
- [Norm] Well that's
all I wanna do.
- Yeah please.
Right are you in control?
Yeah?
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- Yeah, that, I'm, not
gonna taste that yet
but it looks burnt.
Laurence needs to push
the button now
and replace his menu
with my menu
if he's to avoid a repeat
of last night's fiasco.
You wanna push the button?
- No.
- [Gordon] No, no, seriously.
- No.
- [Gordon] No, no
seriously yeah.
- Not yet, not yet, no.
- [Gordon] Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Yeah?
This is nothing to do
with your bollocks
and the size of your cock is it?
- No.
- [Gordon] Laurence's reluctance
to use my emergency menu means
it's customers who suffer.
- And if I'm dead honest
with you the lamb is,
everyone's saying the
lamb's bone dry,
appalling really,
really is appalling.
- What happened to
that one there?
- [Laurence] It's not hot
enough for them.
- That's not cooked, that's raw.
- [Laurence] But the
complaint was that it's cold.
- [Gordon] Yeah you know
it's cold because it's what?
- [Laurence] Raw.
- That's why.
When meals start coming back,
Laurence finally cracks.
Right you alright?
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- [Gordon] You are yes?
- Yeah, I've called
your menu in.
- [Gordon] You've
called it away?
- Yeah.
- It's all done,
all you have to do is
call it away,
hey and Norm's just got
to put the fucking chicken
on the barbecue
nothing more yes?
Thank you for pushing the
fucking button.
Pushing out my emergency menu
should have been idiot proof
but they've left it too late.
And in the hands of dumb and
dumber it descends into farce.
- This was like put in
25 minutes ago.
- Yeah and I'm still
trying to make it
to send food out, I can't
stop start, stop start.
I'm doing my next order
which is two pork kebabs
and a chicken kebab.
- No don't I just asked you.
- [Norm] Yeah I'm gonna rush it.
- [Laurence] Norm, Norm, Norm.
- [Norm] I'm looking
for the cloth Laurence.
- Oh come on Norm if
there's a time you need
to pull your finger out now,
is right now you know that, eh?
- I know.
- [Gordon] Yeah.
- I've got two pork
kebabs to make now.
- [Gordon] But why are
we serving pork kebabs
when we've got the
emergency menu on?
- I don't know, ask the waiter.
- Fucking hell.
There's little point in asking
restaurant manager Alex.
- [Alex] Are you guys
on top of stuff?
How are your tables?
Do I need to go to any
tables at all?
- [Gordon] He's so confused
as to who's ordered what,
he's now serving food to
tables with no one on them.
- They should be here,
but they're not here.
Right okay go back to
the kitchen.
- This place right now is the
biggest shit hole in Spain.
It's fucking embarrassing.
Costa Del Shit Hole
at it's best.
- It's the worst meal
we've ever had.
- Well it's quarter to 12 now
and we got here at
half past nine
and we've just finished
the main course
so it has been a long wait.
- With customers worn
out from waiting,
meals being sent back and
now refunds being handed out.
Surely even Laurence can see
that by sticking to
his stupid menu,
he's only got himself to blame.
I'm speechless.
So I don't know what to say.
Let's get to the crux, Laurence?
- I mean Norm was put under
far too much pressure tonight,
you know he, you know your
menu made him plate up
his own plates and do
the starters
and the cold soups out
there on the barbie
and he couldn't manage, it
slowed him down too much.
- You're telling me that my
menu fucked him up on the grill.
- [Laurence] He couldn't,
he couldn't deal with it.
- Couldn't deal with what?
Putting the fucking
bowl of soup out
that's already made for him?
- [Laurence] Well that was
all, yeah, it was shown.
- When are you guys gonna stop
fucking around with excuses.
When's one of you going
to step forward
with a pair of bollocks and
give me some fucking honesty?
Because I don't know
where you were
'cause that was
fucking shocking.
Let me tell you something, you
made a fucking good decision.
You pushed the button.
Whether you like it or not
it was too fucking late.
An hour and a half late.
So whose fucking
fault is it now?
Chef.
I'm fucking out of here.
Fuck yourself!
- Well he wanted me to be honest
and I told him what I thought.
Yeah maybe I should have
lead with his whole menu,
but that's hindsight.
And in hindsight I should
never even have done
this fucking project.
(peaceful music)
- [Gordon] It's day five
and there's storm clouds
over La Parra.
I've never felt as bad
about a restaurant
as I did last night and
when I walked out,
I wasn't sure I'd be
coming back.
It's pissing down.
But just when I thought
things couldn't get any worse,
there was a break in
and nearly 4000
pounds was stolen
from the premises over night.
Morning.
- [Laurence] Morning
Gordon, how you doing?
- Yeah fine.
First of all sorry about
the news, fucking hell.
- Yeah it's not good.
- It's not good at all.
How much was it?
- Five and a half
thousand Euros.
- Five and a half
thousand Euros.
(dog barking)
- She's not happy either.
- Well she's not much of a
fucking guard dog is she?
Hey, and where's the,
where's the safe?
It's not so much a safe but a
cash tin in a filing cabinet.
- It's been jimmied
here and down the sides,
it's still locked I haven't
moved or touched anything,
this is how I found it
when I came down.
We've then got the money
box inside here.
- [Gordon] Unbelievable.
- [Laurence] They've left
the small notes,
they just took the big ones.
- [Gordon] I mean I'm not being
funny it's a filing cabinet.
- [Laurence] I know.
- Why would you leave five
and a half grand in there?
The most important rule for
any restaurant owner anywhere
in the world is always put
your takings in the bank.
Jesus Christ.
- I've got to think
long and hard
whether I can actually
continue without that money
and now that maybe the clincher
that you know I won't be
able to make it.
- It's not just a failing
restaurant I'm dealing with
but an owner about to
book his flight home.
If ever there was a time
for Laurence to realise
that I'm here to help it's now.
You know it's your pride
that you've got
to stop fucking worrying about.
Because how fucking
proud are you gonna feel
at fucking Malaga Airport
with your bags.
What are you gonna do,
seriously?
Hello what the fuck are
you going to do?
- Go home.
- Yeah go home with your
fucking cock between your legs.
Yeah, yeah, and what?
Ring your mates and tell them
what a big fucking shit
you've been in fucking Spain.
I don't go through that
kind of bullshit
to fucking help turn a
restaurant around.
I can't do it without you.
I've only one more chance
to get through to Laurence
and get him listening to me.
You wouldn't go into a bull ring
without taking clear instruction
from someone who knows
what they're talking about.
Laurence, (speaking in
Spanish) listen to this man,
for the next five minutes,
because he's gonna show you
some very, very crucial moves.
I hope to god he
ditches the arrogance
and listens to Matador Rafael
more than he's listened to me.
Big fucking test for
Laurence now he's got
to stand on his own two
feet and show me
as the Spanish would
say your cojones.
Show me you've got a
pair of bollocks
and fucking use them.
Have you got your cojones?
- [Laurence] Si.
- [Gordon] Yeah?
- No problemo.
- [Gordon] Where?
- Where?
Currently tucked up inside.
(upbeat music)
- Fucking hell.
Out the way, watch out.
- Fucking hell.
- Where's your cojones?
- Oh it's a fucking,
it's just a shit storm.
Don't think Spanish
bulls like me very much.
Jesus Christ what am
I doing here?
Oh fucking hell that's
not a good sign.
- One thing he doesn't
need now is stubbornness.
Get off your arse.
Come on get up.
- I'm not doing that.
- Come on, get out here,
come on.
With Laurence
carefully listening
to Raphael's expert advice, he
starts to get the hang of it.
- [Laurence] I won one.
- You all right?
Rule number six, running
a restaurant in Spain
is a risky business,
it pays to listen to some
expert advice.
Fucking scary no?
- Yeah.
- How do you feel?
- I feel like your point's
been proven in a very big way.
- You have a big
pair of cojones.
Now just fucking use them.
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- Well done, get some water.
- Yeah.
- Fucking hell.
Now I've got Laurence listening,
I need to get him cooking
like a proper chef.
Every night Laurence
cooks everything
on this plancha grill
to save time.
As a result it all
tastes the same.
Fishy meat and meaty veg.
I want you to do now is
cook an egg on that for me.
Whilst Laurence fries an
egg on the plancha grill,
I'm cooking mine in a
non stick frying pan.
I want to teach him how
his lazy way of cooking
is tainting everything
he serves up.
Okay, that's just with an egg,
yeah?
What I'm trying to get through
is all that there is what?
- Carbonised food from.
- [Gordon] Thank you.
- Ages and ages ago.
- Carbonised fucking shit.
And all I want you to
do now is start thinking
about cooking in pans yeah?
I'm going to show Laurence
that in the time it takes him
to cook a whole sea
bream on his grill,
he could fillet it, fry it
and make a simple
Mediterranean sauce.
What I'm trying to do Laurence
is make your life fucking
easier you know that?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- [Gordon] And whilst I'm
still waiting for yours I've
just gotta, an orange, a lemon,
a pink grapefruit, fresh basil.
Are you cooked yet?
- [Laurence] Almost.
- Out and on.
Now I'm not trying
to be some jumped up fucking
smarmy arsed little fucker,
I'm just trying to explain
you're busting your bollocks
the wrong way round, because
I am not going to listen
to fucking Tom, Dick and
Harry telling me
they want to sit and
fucking compete with that
or sit and eat that.
I know which one you
can do 10 times quicker
and 1000 times better.
Don't be scared to use a pan.
- [Laurence] Okay.
- Do you understand?
- He's drilled into my pride
and you know my arrogance
has really shown through
and I've been a bit of
an arse about it
and been stubborn and you
know I'm really now excited
that he's here and I
really wanna learn
and get this place moving.
- The penny might have dropped
but now I've only got two
days to put things right.
Out with the old, in with the
new, fucking bin them, yeah?
We're short of coal tonight.
With Laurence finally
letting go of his huge menu,
it's time for a new beginning.
In its place I've created
a small Mediterranean menu
using local produce.
Five starters including figs
and Cyrano ham and watermelon
with feta cheese and six mains
including a pan fried sea bream
and a barbecued chicken
on a warm potato salad.
- Actually cooking properly
feels absolutely fantastic.
At last.
Limited menu, fresh
ingredients, absolutely amazing.
- [Gordon] The menu will offer
Brits something authentic,
fresh, and above all
quick to prepare
and reducing 72 dishes to 15,
service couldn't be any simpler
for restaurant manager Alex.
Got the menus?
- [Alex] Yeah.
- [Gordon] Okay so what
about this table here?
- [Alex] I've just taken
their order now.
- Okay good, okay let's go yeah?
The menu's simpler.
A lot easier.
We can do volume now.
Now we've got a chance to
put the fucking thing right.
It's my final night and
it's the relaunch
of La Parra's new menu.
I've only got one shot at this
and I can't afford any mistakes.
Changing you tonight, yeah?
You're coming off that barbecue,
yeah I want you connected
to the owner as a sous chef.
- Okay.
- That's my decision
and I'm sticking to it.
I'm putting sous chef Norm
in the kitchen,
prepping cold starters
and pot washer Tom will take
his place on the barbecue.
It's a gamble,
but I'm confident Tom will
send the meat out cooked.
All you have to do is take
the chicken off the barbecue
and put it onto the
plate and send it yeah?
- [Tom] Sure.
- [Gordon] Good.
- There you go sir.
- [Gordon] This
evening isn't just
about launching a new menu, it's
about Laurence regaining
his reputation
with the British ex
pat community.
Six months ago he hosted
a fund raising dinner
for the local donkey sanctuary,
serving frozen starters
and chicken stuffed with
banana it was a fiasco.
Tonight I've convinced
them to come back.
- It's very nerve
wracking having them here
because I know how much
I upset them last time
and I know how much
distaste they have
for the restaurant in general
and it's really nerve
wracking for me
to know that I've gotta
cook for them
and cook for them really,
really well.
- Tonight will be the test,
whether or not the
food is edible
that would be a good start.
- [Gordon] With customers
getting their food on time,
the relaunch is off to
a good start.
- It's quite refreshing to
have something different
and not the same sort of
chicken or fish with fries.
- A lot better than
last year yeah.
- Phenomenal,
nothing's come back.
Everything's cooked
beautifully, yeah to be honest,
so far it's been a
breath of fresh air.
Right donkey sanctuary
just sat down yes?
- [Laurence] Yes okay we're
on their starters now.
- Treat that table
like a time bomb.
The starters arrive for
the donkey sanctuary,
but just when I thought
it was all going to plan,
Alex has forgotten to
serve the wine.
How can you put the
starters down
without the serving the wine?
Of all tables, come on.
At nine o'clock, the
restaurant's full but bizarrely
there's a backlog of
people waiting for tables.
It's Alex's responsibility
to get them seated,
but he's flapping around
like a headless chicken.
What's going on with these
fucking tables waiting
in the bar for so long?
Table six?
- Table six, yeah I
double booked it you see
at the start of the night
and I had to tell them
that you know we need
to have the table back.
- Who do you tell you need
the table back, the customer?
- The customer yes.
- What about the
fucking kitchen?
They need to know first,
because they've got to cook it.
- Yeah.
- So move your arse.
For some bizarre reason Alex
has got tables double
booked within an hour.
No one can eat anything
within in hour.
Embarrassing, I mean
fucking embarrassing.
Alex has simply got greedy
in thinking they can turn
tables around in an hour.
As a result, people
are turning up
for their reservations,
but have nowhere to sit
and in the kitchen Laurence
is now struggling with
a backlog of orders.
On top of all that Alex has
now gone into melt down.
Alex get a grip.
Alex, you can do it Alex.
- I know.
- You can fucking do it.
We're waiting on you.
- [Alex] I know you're
waiting on me
and I really appreciate this.
- This is fucking critical.
Fucking hell, go, come
on Alex please.
- We waited for 40
minutes for a starter
then sat with dirty
plates for 45 minutes
and then we were asked to
leave the table
because the next lot of
guests arrived.
- Five plates yeah, one, two,
three, four, five, right?
- [Gordon] Although
under pressure,
Laurence is at least coping
with my reduced menu.
- You've got three Cyrano,
three water melon yeah?
Finish those off in a minute
as soon as I get these out.
- [Gordon] I can
only be grateful
that Laurence got the donkey
sanctuary main courses out
before the shit hit the fan.
- Very, very nice, I
mean it was a lot nicer
than chicken and banana
I must admit.
- The food is
actually very good,
I think everybody's quite
pleased with the food.
- If he can come up
with this sort of deal,
yes we'll be back again.
- Yes but the service
leaves quite a little bit
to be desired I think.
A lot more work on the service.
- It's the end of the evening
and Laurence's cooking has
been a success.
But Alex's double booking
madness has let everyone down.
We were so close Alex, so close.
You can do better.
- I know I can do better.
- You can do better.
- I know I can do better.
- Turn round and tell him
that, he's paying your salary.
Fucking tough night, a
real tough night, 87 covers
and it was a struggle
and the service
was fucking pretty dismal.
However the donkey
sanctuary have confirmed
they're gonna come back.
That speaks volumes,
that means the local community
are now back on their side
and quite frankly you can't
ask for a more crucial time
for them to support it
because we're just about to
come out of the summer season
and into the fucking winter.
And without their support,
they won't get
through the winter.
In six days I've finally
seen a change at La Parra,
but once I've gone Laurence
has only four weeks
until the end of the season
to make the money that will
help him survive the winter.
Remember, do not cut corners
and don't make a fucking
ass of yourself.
Look, a stark reminder
to make sure that
standards never slip,
don't make a fucking
ass of yourself.
That's gone.
- Yeah.
- That has fucking gone.
Goodbye.
- [Laurence] Bye.
- I only hope La Parra's doors
will still be open
when I return.
(gate rattles)
(upbeat music)
In the summer I spent a
week at La Parra de Burriana
on the Costa Del Sol.
It was holiday hell.
That's not cooked, that's raw.
Former nightclub manager
Laurence Davey
was up to his eyes in debt.
He had swinging kebabs.
Is someone take the piss?
Prawns in chocolate sauce.
I thought it was
fucking hideous.
And his dishes with a twist
had pissed off the Brits.
- Quite appalling really.
Really is appalling.
- [Gordon] Laurence
was so stubborn,
he wouldn't give up his
huge menu without a fight.
- No.
- [Gordon] Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Yeah?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- This is nothing to do
with your bollocks
and the size of your cock is it?
- No.
- [Gordon] After knocking
some sense into him,
I created a set menu
of just 15 authentic
Mediterranean dishes.
And on the launch night we
won back the local expat trade
that Laurence had lost.
- If he can come up
with this sort of deal,
yes we'll be back again.
- [Gordon] Four weeks later,
I'm back on the Costa,
it's late September and most
of the tourists have packed up
and gone home.
The beach front
restaurants are deserted
and Nerja feels like
a ghost town.
I only hope La Parra is
faring better.
Good to see you.
- And you.
- Yeah, how's the month been?
- [Laurence] Busy, very,
very busy.
- Really?
- [Laurence] Yeah.
- Good.
- Almost double last year, so.
- [Gordon] That's
fucking great news.
- Yeah.
- Good to see you.
- You too.
- How have you been?
- Really good, yeah,
it's been great.
- Yes, busy?
- It has been busy.
- [Gordon] And you're
working hard?
- Yes.
- Yes, less flustered?
- Yes.
- [Gordon] More organised?
- We're organised, we're
happy we're communicating.
- And what's the special
kebab tonight?
- Special kebab?
The special kebab is in the bin.
- Great, donkey dick
kebabs are off the menu.
Norm's still in the kitchen
preparing cold starters.
Good to see you, my man.
And out on the terrace is Tom.
The former pot washer, now
promoted as the barbecue chef.
And has Norman sneaked
out here again
or is this your domain?
- This is my domain.
- [Gordon] It's your domain?
- Yes.
- [Gordon] But best of all,
Laurence is no longer
cooking on the plancha grill.
- [Laurence] I haven't used
it in about three weeks.
- [Gordon] You haven't
used the plancha grill?
- I haven't touched it no.
- Thank you.
Fucking hell I really
mean that yeah.
You must miss it no?
- No, I did, I did for
about a week,
I kept on going back to it,
thinking shit where's my steak?
But it was always in the oven.
- Where shall we sit?
Considering it's the end
of the season,
La Parra is reassuringly busy.
Everything seems to be
running more efficiently,
there's an air of
calmness around it
and yeah it's a nice buzz
which is lovely.
Everything's gleaming,
it's spotless.
The menu is no longer the
size of a telephone directory.
It's one page and there
are even some new dishes
for me to try.
- I was a little bit cocky
that he'd love my food
when he first got here.
This time round I know
that I really, really
want to impress him now
with these dishes
and if I can't impress him now,
then you know I've
really fucked it up.
- Here we are, here is
the squid and chorizo.
- Thank you.
For my starter, I've
chosen barbecue squid
and chorizo sausage on a
bed of rocket.
It's nicely cooked,
it's not too chewy
and the chorizo sausage just
gives it that little spice
that squid needs and
that's what you come
to Spain for, dishes like this.
For my main course I've
chosen sea bass
on a bed of creamed leeks,
one of the new dishes on
Laurence's autumn menu.
There's just no comparison to
what I was fed a month ago.
It's just really nice
clean, simple honest food
and that's what this
place needed,
without any stupid
fucking twists.
Four weeks ago, Laurence
was 75,000 pounds in debt,
equivalent to a 102,000 euros.
And La Parra was on the
verge of closing down.
What really shocked me
about tonight's dinner
is I can't believe it
was the same guy
that was cooking my
dinner a month ago.
That was delicious.
- Thanks, it's an absolute
pleasure to cook in here now
and you know I'm not angry,
I'm not upset.
I'm just you know cooking
the food that I love cooking
and seeing empty plates
come back clean
and happy customers
leaving the restaurant.
- You took 3000 Euros
this time a year ago,
now you're on 9000 euros.
What have you knocked off
from the debt?
- I've knocked off 13,000
euros since you were here last.
- [Gordon] Cash?
- [Laurence] Cash.
- Already?
- [Laurence] Yes.
- What do you need to do a night
to stay open during the winter?
How many covers?
- During the winter, 20.
- 20, so already tonight
with 33 or 34 in for dinner,
we're not home and dry
but we're fucking making.
- [Laurence] Sure.
- Great headway.
Don't you fucking dare stop,
yeah?
And every time you think
of stopping turn on
the plancha grill yeah?
Deep fry your fucking vegetables
and fucking hit them on there.
- Never again.
- Good night.
Tom.
That was value for money,
delicious, straight forward,
local produce, cooked properly
and he's not trying to
be too fucking clever
and if he can
continue doing that,
he's got a strong chance
of surviving the winter
and opening up next
fucking season ready
to attack it with some
money in the bank.
Thank god for that, the fucking
penny has finally dropped.
(upbeat music)