Kitchen Nightmares (2007–2014): Season 1, Episode 1 - Peter's - full transcript

- [Gordon] Bonapartes
Restaurant is in dire straits.

- [Sue] Fuck's sake.

- [Gordon] New owner Sue Ray
has sunk everything into it.

- It's frustrating the hell
out of me at the moment

'cause we're going nowhere.

- [Gordon] The customers
are nowhere to be seen.

How many's booked?

- None Gordon.

- [Gordon] Nothing at all, no?

The chances of walk in perhaps?

- Slim.



- [Gordon] The kitchen's down to

and the money has nearly run out

I'm going in to identify the pro

I'll find out if the market's th

How much would you pay for that?

- Well you wouldn't wanna
pay a lot would ya? (laughs)

- If the team are pulling togeth

Can't even take a fucking penalt

And if the head chef is clued up

You're taking the piss you, you

I've got just one week
to turn this restaurant

into a viable business.

- The honeymoon's over, got
to start making profit now.

(upbeat music)



- Next to it's posh neighbours

Ilkley and Skipton, sits Silsden

A little working class
town yet to make it's mark

on the culinary map of Britain.

Lots of fish bars, cafes.

Quite a quaint little place.

A little small Yorkshire town.

Bonapartes wine bar
and basement restaurant

on the high street was taken
over by it's current owner

just over a year ago.

In her time Sue Ray has sold eve

from donkey rides to
cavity wall insulation.

But the restaurant business
is totally new to her

and so far the locals aren't bit

Good afternoon.

- [Sue] Good afternoon.

- Sue?
- It is yes.

- Okay, how are you?

- Hi pleased to meet you.

- Likewise, so how's it going?

- A bit quieter today.

- [Gordon] How many did
you have in for lunch?

- About two.

- [Gordon] Two, really?

- That's it.

- [Gordon] And last night?

- Last night I think we did
only two again, that's all.

- Two customers the whole night?

- Two customers the whole
night yeah, unfortunately.

It's just died a death, absolute

- [Gordon] The stark truth is
that two thirds of restaurants

don't survive past their first b

And as things stand Sue's in dan

of adding to those statistics.

As a last resort she's
placed all her trust

in a 21-year-old head chef.

Together they believe that fine

will guarantee Bonapartes
a brighter future.

- It's like being an
artist you know what I mean

you just start from, from
nothing and create something

so I think that's why I love bei

- [Gordon] From a humble
start five years ago

washing dishes, Tim has
had a meteoric rise.

- Obviously I would like
a couple of restaurants,

maybe three being in
Leeds, London, New York,

you know wherever, just
big cities so you know

that's my main ambition

and obviously to make a lot of m

- [Gordon] Tim's ultimate
dream is to become a TV chef.

- Have you put Parmesan through

- [Gordon] But for now he's
embracing his first opportunity

to run his own kitchen.

And how did you find Tim?

- He found me, he knew I'd
been struggling with chefs

and lack of them and he's very a

- He must be fucking good if
he's a head chef at 21, no.

Either that or he's a
fucking good bullshitter.

(Sue laughing)

Tim.
- Pleasure to meet you, sir.

- [Gordon] Likewise, and?

- It's a pleasure, Lee.
- Lee.

So you're the head chef?

- Yes.
- And you're the,

well obviously you've
got to be the second chef

if there's only two of you, busy

- No.
- No?

- Absolutely not, no way.

- I didn't think so when
you're standing there

twiddling your thumbs, no?

Sue's food takings are a
dismal 200 pound a week.

She should be clearing
at least 10 times that

but she's not even covering Tim'

Let alone food costs and overhea

Chefs can't get excited

unless there's customers to cook

I'll never know how good they ar

unless there's any customers
in the fucking restaurant.

Tim how many's booked?

- None, Gordon.

- Nothing at all, no?
- No.

- Chances of walk in perhaps?
- Slim.

- I wanna see you under a
little bit of pressure tonight.

- [Tim] Right.

- It's five to six, I want
you to get out on the street,

go and knock on a few doors,

and invite some locals to dinner

Get your coats on and fuck
off for some customers.

If the customers won't come
in of their own free will,

these two young chefs
are gonna have to go,

and drag them in.

- Excuse me we'd like to
invite you for a free meal.

- [Gordon] Fine dining
requires the ultimate

in presentation, surroundings an

- I've just had one thank you.

- [Tim] You've just had one?

- [Gordon] But most of all
it requires faultless food.

- We just need the people coming

It's like a big cake, you've
got all the ingredients,

and you can mix it,

you've just got to find
the right consistency

to make it rise.

- You'll go?

Okay I'll see you there, cheers.

- [Gordon] The reputation of
this place can't be that great.

Even with free food from a
fine dining menu on offer,

they've only managed to pull in

For any head chef this
would be a walk in the park.

First order, two pigeon, main
course one venison, one brill.

- Okay, no problem.

- Where do the tickets go?

- Well I just put them there,

'cause we never really get
enough to worry about it.

- Oh fuck me, that's nice.

Who's doing what?

Who's doing the fish?

- I'll do the fish.

- And what would you like to do

- I'll do venison.

- All I'm trying to say is how t

do you organise your kitchen.

Lee take care of the hot starter

I'll do the cold starters.

You do the fish, I'll do the mea

We'll jump on the puddings toget

- Well if it's busy, Lee'll stan

and I'll do this one, and just
when I'm not doing anything,

then I'll just jump on and help

- Do you know how to organise?

- Within reason.

- Within reason, okay here we go

- [Tim] Where did you put red bo

- With the first orders in,

now I can really see what's
going on in the kitchen.

What was that?

- I just trashed a load of those

- You need those and the
bread first don't you?

- Yes.

- [Gordon] Nevermind fine dining

they can't even get the bread ri

It's fucking frozen,
get it back in the oven.

Are the pigeons ready?

- Yes.

- We were about to put them in t

because the bread's frozen,
the pigeons are cooked,

and the fucking breads not even

And if you toss that
fucking cabbage once more,

I'm gonna ram it up your arse ok

Yeah?

Every time you turn
round, let's get going.

Even when the kitchen's busy,

you should be looking
to get the starters out

within 10 minutes of receiving t

- Thank you very much.

- [Gordon] These poor souls
have waited half and hour

for their pigeon breast
with mushroom ravioli,

and that's not the only problem.

Tim you made the ravioli yeah?
- Yes.

- [Gordon] It's burnt, do
you not taste that there.

- No.

- Smell it then, you honestly
can't taste that burn?

- Well now you point it out, yea

- Get that shit in the bin.

This is really worrying.

A head chef who can't even
taste his own food's burnt.

He's not gonna win any
prizes for his control

of the kitchen either,

and there's only two of them in

- I need an egg for--
(microwave beeping)

- Okay can you hear that.

Hold on, the buzzing in the back

that's the veg in the microwave

that should have gone with the m

four minutes ago.

Come on Tim get the fucking thin

For some an hour's wait is just

Desperate to keep her staff cost

Sue has got her hands full
running the bar upstairs,

and seems blissfully unaware of

that's taking place in the basem

The kitchen was a disaster.

A disaster beyond belief,
the blind leading the blind,

and the left arm not knowing
what the right arm's doing,

and you want 50 or 60
seats filled down there,

and they've got 11
customers in for dinner,

and they're up to their eyeballs

I mean real shit.

Everything's going in these cutt

For some bizarre reason
they think that rings

are the sort of ultimate
fine dining experience,

but I don't understand what
the hell's going on there.

- I don't know, all I know
is I'm not making money,

so I don't know what they're at

or where they're coming from.

- But it's Sue's business
and she should be in charge.

Look at the fucking mess, huh?

I've never seen such
hard work for 11 guests.

It doesn't make you feel good do

- [Tim] No not really.

(sombre music)

- I've got just one week to
make a constructive impact

on Bonapartes,

but by day two,

I'm clutching at straws to
find any positives to build on.

Sue lacks focus and has
clearly lost control.

The kitchen is such a
tip, it's a health hazard.

And worst of all the
head chef and his mate

just aren't up to scratch.

I must be missing something.

Gentlemen, Tim's signature dish.

- Scallops.

- Scallops, can't wait to see it

Nearly every successful
restaurant has a dish

that it's renowned for.

I'm hoping that by cooking his,

Tim will produce
something truly memorable,

something truly worthy of a
place on a fine dining menu.

That's your signature dish which

- Scallops with deep fried Parma

black pudding sauce, Hollandaise

- [Gordon] Certainly looks okay.

- What do you think?

(laughs) He's gone to be sick.

(Gordon coughing)

- [Gordon] He'd only gone and
given me a rancid scallop.

- Someone get him a drink.

- Shit, how could you eat that?

If you knew they were
off, why didn't you say?

- I didn't, no, I didn't.

I didn't know they were off.

- They're fucking minging.

Can you not taste that?

- I do now, yeah.

Took a while.

(Gordon vomiting)

I know what he means I
feel sick myself now.

- It's grim, it's fucking grim,

and it's out of order.

- I didn't realise they were fuc

so I suppose it's my fault reall

- That could kill someone,
that's the bottom line.

In the two days I've spent at Bo

I've witness total
incompetence in the kitchen.

Total lack of direction
from the management,

and last but not least,

they've tried their best to
kill me with a rotten scallop.

What the fuck are you playing at

- [Tim] Sorry chef.

- It's not about being fucking s

You shouldn't be in a fucking ki

if you don't know what's
right and what's wrong

in that sense.

I mean this is basic fucking
cooking, you know that?

I need to check if there's
any more surprises lurking

in Tim's kitchen.

Let's have a look in here.

When are they from?

- [Lee] Saturday.

- [Gordon] Saturday,
would you use them today?

- [Both] No.

- No, so what the fuck are
they doing in the fridge?

It looks like rabbit shit that o

- [Tim] That's just some lentils

- This one's stuck to the fuckin

It looks like sheep's turd
that's been infested with ants.

We've got fucking fur on fucking

When is that from?

- Couldn't tell ya?

- [Gordon] What we do with them?

- Throw them in the bin.

- Throw them in the bin, but
you kept 'em in the fridge

for two days before you
throw them in the bin.

Do you see what I'm trying to ge

- Yeah.

- [Gordon] Does it make
fucking sense, yes or no?

- No it doesn't, no.
- No.

- So all this fucking food,
just jam packed with shit,

and we're standing here saying
we'll put them in the bin,

put them in the bin.

Well get them in the fucking bin

This whole kitchen is disgusting

In allowing things to fester,

Tim's putting Sue's business at

Fucking hell, can we get that
one cleaned out as well yeah?

- [Tim] Yes.

- Just one bad thing can
contaminate a whole fridge.

Tim may as well just chuck
money out the window.

A health inspector would have a

Do you know what, I'm fucking
gobsmacked, you know that?

I've got a good fucking mind
to get hold of fucking Sue,

and just tell her to just
fucking close the place,

do you know that, because
this is the fucking pits.

You should be ashamed.

Rock bottom, I've never
seen anything like this

in my entire fucking life, you k

Because this is a fucking
embarrassment to catering,

let alone fucking ringed out fin

Let's move, hey?

- Not the best start it could ha

were it to be honest.

Fucking, it's all right, I'll so

- [Gordon] The picture is
becoming painfully clear.

Tim's completely
unqualified to do this job.

He's blagged his way in,

and Sue's been naive
enough to take him on.

- When you do put so much like
hard work into creating stuff

and then you don't use
it, then you get bored

is what I've done.

Like footballers playing
with no football, isn't it,

they just run around, that's poi

sit on their arses after
a while, won't they?

That's how it is.

- All these ingredients in there

and no customers to send it to,

and yet none of them
have been communicating

with each other, you know
that's got to go tomorrow,

can we turn that into a fish pie

can we do something with it,

but no, the blind leading the bl

And every bloody ingredient in t

is money, your money.

Sue has no idea what's
going on in her own kitchen.

The key to any successful restau

is regular communication
between management,

and the head chef.

I really need to get these two t

- Gordon's just had a word with

and he said he's not very impres

We need to keep the place
clean and everything tidy,

otherwise I can get sued in
which case I'm out of business,

and you're out of a job.
- I realise that.

- Yeah I know and I've taken it,

I have to take it on board as we

- Oh, she just had to stick her

she wasn't gonna say I told you

but that's what she was doing.

Yeah, fair enough she has a
little dig, so what, fuck her.

Do you know what I mean?

- Relations between Tim and
Sue clearly aren't healthy.

Lee, here, goggles, gloves.

Before we do any fucking
cooking in here now,

I want the place absolutely spot

goggles on please.

That's it show me, you handsome

It's not just the kitchen
that's at fault here.

Any clued up restaurateur
knows it's damn stupid

to attempt fine dining in a base

Let alone one that's beneath a b

(tense music)

Sue's panic is obvious
when you see the weird mix

of fine dining menus and
scrappy hand written boards,

advertising TV named cabarets.

Bonapartes' image has clearly
confused potential customers.

- She was trying I think
to do too many things,

to be all things to all people.

So she was trying to
have you know live music,

and have an internet cafe 9alugh

and also the impression you
got when you came in was

she'd be shuffling around in
her leggings and her slippers.

I don't think she's
gonna attract the people

that she wants to attract.

It's not as nice as the one
that's opened across the road.

- The newly opened competition
just 200 yards away

has been fully booked since it o

So the punters are definitely ou

It's time to find a clear
identity for Bonapartes,

and make a clean start.

Valentine's Night is just four d

It's one of the most important n

of the restaurant calendar,

and it can make or break a new v

If we're gonna reinvent Bonapart

we've got to do it now.

But will Sue accept the
drastic change of direction

I'm about to propose?

It's clearly not gonna work
as a fine dining experience.

Does Tim know how much pressure
you're under financially?

- I say flippantly you know
I'll end up going bankrupt

if you're not careful, but
he doesn't realise how true

that is.

- Yeah, I mean how close
are you in real terms?

- In real terms, probably,

I've got probably three months m

- Jesus.

- You know I'm willing to
take constructive criticism,

I mean it's not working is it,

otherwise we'd have more people

- The basics are wrong.

I mean the basics are so so wron

and you know it's embarrassing.

It's gonna go back to comfort
rustic easy going food,

it's got to become more of a bis

because the place oozes
that kind of style.

I know Sue's convinced,

but if I'm to flush out Tim's
pretensions to fine dining

once and for all, I need to
provide him with evidence

that he can't fail to take on bo

Gentlemen, Tim?

- All right this is seared
scallops with baby black pudding

with a nice hollandaise
cayenne peppered sauce,

and a bit of deep fried Parma ha

- It looks like potato but I'm n

- First time you've had a scallo

- Mm-hmm. (affirmative)

- And this is a beef and ale pie

- I'll have a bit of
pastry, I'm a pastry man.

- Tasty?
- Lovely.

- Yeah?
- Beautiful.

- The scallops and the black
pudding and the Parma ham.

How much would you pay for that?

- Well you wouldn't want
to pay a lot would you?

Well I don't know,
scallops are dear anyway,

aren't they so eight, 50?

- [Gordon] Eight, 50?

- What for one portion?

- [Gordon] And what would
you pay for the pie?

- About eight pound.

- About eight pound, seven, 95.

- Oh I weren't far off then.

- And eight, 95, well done.

Which one would you prefer?

- Well I like the pie personally

- [Man] Well I like the meat.
I'm definitely a meat lover.

- Thank you gentlemen.
- Thank you.

- One nil, you fucker.

Tim needs to learn a few
basic restaurant rules.

If you don't know your market,

you'll never get bums on seats.

- I would probably go with this

- Two fucking nil.

Next please.

Have you got two seconds.

Here's another one.

Have you got two seconds?

A restaurant without
customers will go bust.

- I don't like scallops.
- You don't like scallops?

Three nil, you twat.

Excuse me.

Put another way Tim needs
to start producing food

the people of Silsden
won't be able to resist.

- That is gorgeous that.

- I would pay that for that,
but I wouldn't that for that.

- [Gordon] You wouldn't
pay eight, 95 for that?

- In the major cities, yeah,

I'd expect to, but not in Yorksh

- But that is very
reasonable and delicious.

- Are you listening?
- I am listening.

- Bistro?

- That's where we're going.

- Yeah, fine dining?

(Tim laughing)
(crockery clanking)

- Who's going in for it?

(duck quacking)

- It's not bad news you know tha

It's fucking good news.
- Great news.

- And it's clear, the
writing's on the wall.

She's come to the end
of her tether up there,

that's pretty obvious that
you know she's had enough.

Is that clear?
- That is clear yeah.

- And you know you're fucking
cocky with her, you know that?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, and she pays your fuckin

Are you mad?

How much have you put in here?
- Nothing.

- Yeah not a fucking penny.

Not a single penny,

but you've taken from her haven'

- Yip.

- So now it's time to give back.

- Absolutely, definitely.

- And not cooking for egos, get

Back to basics, you know that.

What I want you two to do just t

that you really do know the basi

both at the same time cook
me a fucking omelette.

Show me something that I
can eat and be happy with.

An omelette is probably one
of the first things you learn

to cook at catering college.

(whisk whirring)

When was the last time
you cooked an omelette?

- I hadn't cooked one before.

I've never cooked an omelette be

- Oh don't be stupid.

- I haven't.

(crockery clanking)

- Look inside.

What does that tell you?

- Slightly over cooked.

- Slightly?

It tastes like fucking rubber.

Both over cooked.

That was shit by any standard.

You're a head chef, you're
taking the piss you,

you know that?

You are taking the piss you know

- Yes Gordon.

- Gives you nothing back.

And the whole idea of telling hi

is to sort of help train
him and educate him,

but clearly not used to
being told what to do.

Right make me another omelette,

Let's go.

Any chef worth his salt

should be able to source
good quality ingredients

at a good price.

The locals already think
Bonapartes is too expensive.

They want value for money.

For Sue to start making
any sort of profit,

Tim needs to be clever about wha

Can I have two bacon sandwiches
please, and two cups of tea.

He needs to wake up to the real

He's clearly in need of some ins

for his new bistro style menu.

Thanks darling, thank you.

That's your one that one.

Don't spill it on those
new trainers will you?

- No, I'll try not to.
- The Chinese tongues.

Tonight, we've got a table of fo

I want you, okay, to buy a
starter main course and pudding.

20 quid, five quid per head.

I want to see how clever
you are with that money.

- Right.

- [Vendor] Grapes, (shouts)

- Morning.

- Morning, good morning love.

- I'm making French onion soup.

- Right we're making some
French onion soup today,

so we're looking for some
sort of like rustic baguettes.

- All we do is this baguette
here in this window right here.

- Ask to look at one.

- Can I have a look at that.

- [Gordon] Clearly Tim's
never bought anything

from a market before in his life

Discount for the trade?
- Any discount for the trade?

- Any discount on a pound, you'r

You can't argue with that.

- It's always worth bargaining
for do you know that,

so when you're on the
telephone in the morning,

you're checking with your suppli

and you wanna know how much the

you can always bargain with them

I bet you don't treat Sue's
money this way, do you?

- I will do from now on.
- Fucking right you will.

Tim's menus are packed with
expensive fish and meat cuts.

He needs to open his eyes

to the tasty less
expensive options on offer.

What's that next to the pig's he

What is that there?

That's ox tail.

- Ox tail.

- You ever used ox tail before?

- No.

- What would you do with a brais

- I don't know really, maybe bar

be nice on a barbecue,
which gets them going,

that's that.

- Braising steak means fucking b

So it's telling you what to do w

so what would you do with it?

- Braise it.

- Like a stew, you can't put
that on the fucking barbecue,

just looking for some chicken br

- Nice chicken breast, boss.

- There you go, look he's showin

- That's nice.
- Check it.

- Let's have a look.

- [Gordon] How much is it?

- [Tim] How much is chicken per

- One pound, 12 there.

- It's a lot less than I
get it from my butcher.

- Is it?

Your butcher's more expensive?

- Yeah.
- Jesus.

- Four of them please.

Any discount for trade?

- Discount for trade, how much w

- Four pound, 12.

- Four quid.

- [Gordon] That's my boy.

- That'll do for me, cheers.

Can I have a bill please, a rece

- With VAT.

- With VAT.

- You'd come again, yeah?
- Absolutely.

- The more they see you, the
more banter you have with them,

the more bargains you get with t

and the cheaper it becomes you k

- Yeah, yeah, oh I'll definitely

- Then the restaurant starts
to make a bit of fucking money.

- Yeah.

- Get the picture?
- Yeah, I get it.

- Thank fuck for that.

How much have we spent?

- Just over 12 quid.

- [Gordon] 12 quid,
fantastic, for four portions?

- Brilliant.

- Okay, French onion
soup, it costs 75 pence

to make a portion, how much
do they go on the menu for?

You times it by four and
that should cover everything.

Two, 95 for a bowl of soup
and we've made money on that,

and one thing, we're not
gonna do with the ingredients

you bought this morning is waste

We waste nothing.

With the Valentine's
extravaganza just two days away,

I'm under no illusions as
to what we're up against.

You're a fucking limp dick in
the kitchen, do you know that.

Go get some fucking energy.

You're fucking 21 for God's sake

you should be getting
fucking 12 hard ons a day,

not one a fucking month.

Let's go.

Lee's got a bit of mouth.

But I've got to hold Tim's
hand every step of the way.

Are you sure you wanna be a chef

- Yes.
- You are yeah?

In right into the centre.

This is our one chance
to see if Tim can cope

with his new bistro style food.

Then bring the knife out, put it

and bring it to the edge there.

Yeah, gently, gently, gently, ge

Make love to it, don't fuck it.

Outside leaves what do you do wi

You throw them away?

- [Tim] Yeah, we usually
throw them away yeah.

- [Gordon] But before we him
loose on the paying customers,

I've asked him to cook
for four special people

in the privacy of their own home

What I haven't told him
it's for his own family.

- [Tim] Do you like stir it into

- No you leave it dangling
on top so it gets,

of course you let it fucking sti

We've got soup, chicken,
lemon meringue pie.

Let's go and surprise
mum and dad, shall we?

Let's go round to their
house and you cook their tea.

- Yeah?

- Have you got a jus ,a
sauce for the chicken Kiev?

- I don't really know.
- I'm asking you.

- I don't, I don't think so.

- Good.

- Because the centre is the sauc

The garlic sauce in the centre.

- Oh fucking hell, hallelujah,
fuck, we don't need a jus.

- We don't need any jus.

- Phew.

Hello Madge how are you, surpris

I hate to use Tim's folks as gui

but with the three course
meal already prepared,

all Tim needs to do is reheat
the soup, and cook the Kievs.

Shall we get cracking, where's g

- Granddad's in the front room.

- This should be a walk
over, even for him.

I'm gonna leave it all to you

get busy, fucking hell.

- I nearly break my shoulder.

- He was always in the kitchen a

wanting to help bake.

- 'Cause he loves talking
about it doesn't he?

- Yes, yeah, but then he
decided whilst he was at school

that that's what he wanted to do

and he got himself a job in a ki

and it just went on from there.

Told me that he was going to be

and he was going to the Good Foo

to meet Gary Rhodes and off he w

- Fantastic, and look what's hap

- Yeah.

(alarm beeping)

- Oh fuck me what's that?

Don't burn it.

- Do what?
- Burn it.

- It's not burning.

- Here we go.

(knife scraping)

Sorry to keep you waiting.

- That's quite alright.
- He's ready.

- I'll get granddad then.

- [Gordon] Let's not
forget, Tim is a head chef.

- Fucking hell.

- [Granddad] You haven't
burnt my pans, have you?

- [Tim] I might as well,
I'll just burn them yes.

- I actually said to him
don't forget your croutons.

He's managed to fuck them
over in his gran's house.

(Gordon grunting)

- Ladies first.

This is some French onion soup.

- Thank you.
- Minus the croutons.

What are we gonna do with this n

- [Tim] Oh look at that, superb.

- Torched on the outside
and pink in the middle.

As for the lemon meringue pie,

he would get a better reception
if he threw it at them.

Tim's family wouldn't
dream of criticising him,

but the paying customers
on Valentine's night

won't be as forgiving.

We've got 44 booked for Saturday

And you fucked it for four.

What chance have you got for 44?

I'm now starting to shit myself.

It's my fourth day at Bonapartes

Tim's first attempt at cooking
a simplified bistro meal

may have impressed his granny,

but he and I both know the awful

It was a spectacular flop.

You're paid as a head chef aren'

- Yeah.

- Do you think you should be a h

- Not really.

- Thank fuck for that.

Don't start crying.

- I'm not.

- Well you look as if you're
about to fucking bubble.

- [Sue] Okay so you're
delighted with that, are you?

- [Gordon] Bookings for tomorrow
night's Valentine's cabaret

are piling in.

With the restaurant
nearly booked to capacity,

I'm trying my hardest to stay po

- That's fine Mr. Lowe,
I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

- But with just a day to go,

it will take more than high-ener

for these two to pull it off.

When someone's been told off,

the first thing you do in a kitc

is come back at a 100 mile an ho

This guy disintegrates every
time you tell him something,

he just disappears into oblivion

and loses all sense of concentra

that little short span that he h

Why don't we swap the
roles round tomorrow,

why don't you become the sous ch

and Lee becomes the head
chef for tomorrow night?

No answer.

- Whatever you want to do Gordon

- But it's your fucking kitchen.

You're supposed to say bollocks
no, I'm the fucking chef.

My name's Tim Grey,
it's me on the menu, no?

Yes or no?

- Yes.

- Jesus.

Maybe it's me.

I should try the softly, softly

We've got a big night
Saturday night, it's full.

And it's the first time
since you've both been here

that the place is full,
okay and whilst I'm here,

you're not shafting me
as well at the same time,

you know that.

We'll work together.

Over the next 15, 20 minutes,

I want you both to think
of something really simple

menu wise, three starters,
three main courses,

and three puddings.

- What do you think Lee, soup?

- [Lee] Yeah, soup.

- [Gordon] By passing some
of the decision making

back to Tim, I'm hoping to
build up his confidence,

and instil some pride in his foo

- It's hard to write a simple me

when you've had your head up
your arse for so long doing,

trying to make fancy silly food.

That's the kind of stuff
we're going for isn't it?

- [Gordon] So what have they com

- Main courses, liver and
onions, mashed potato,

macaroni cheese, fish and chips,

mushy peas, Lancashire hot pot.

- Lancashire hot pot, that sound

and you come up with the ideas t

- Yeah, we just looked through s

and thought what's simple
and you know basically though

what we used to have at school,

what did we like at school and--

- And not forgetting where are w

- In Silsden in Yorkshire.

(Gordon humming)

- We're getting there.

We're getting there.

In devising this new menu,

I'm aiming to take most
of the pressure off Tim

and Lee during service.

90% of the food can be prepared,

and perfected a day in advance.

Let's go, show me you can
handle two pans at once.

As long as it's made well
it can't fail to be a hit

with the customers.

There should be 15 things going

all at the same time, co-ordinat

understanding medium,
pink, is it well done,

onions roasted, bang.

In short, Bonapartes' new bistro

is designed to be idiot proof.

Definitely identify them
as vegetarians, yeah?

That's good, go on.

So far Tim's attitude
towards Sue has been that

of a stroppy teenager
rather than a respectful

and supportive employee.

- We're going to go on tomato so

rustic tomato soup, yeah, with
some little cheese things--

- That's probably a first
he's actually come to us.

I've had to run down
and chase all the time.

You know, I need this and then o

yeah, yeah, yeah, it'll come lat

I'd say I need it now.

- Basically you just put
them through some butter,

crush them up, put 'em on.

- Today he seems a lot better.

I don't know what he's been
doing to him down there,

but he's certainly improving.

(whisk whirring)

- In the week I've been here,

I've hardly seen Tim or Lee samp

or season anything they've made.

No wonder their tasteless food

is failing to woo the customers.

Everything we do in this
kitchen has to be tasted,

I don't care if it's a fucking b

a lemon meringue pie or a chicke

You have got to start tasting th

From now on bland is off the men

and to teach these two a
lesson they'll never forget,

I'm resorting to dirty tactics.

You know what a medium
steak tastes like yes?

Does that taste like a
sirloin, T-bone steak,

or is it a rump steak?

- Sirloin.

- Sirloin?

- [Lee] It tastes like sirloin.

- [Tim] Fucking hell.

Here we go.

Now for the pork.

Okay, open up.

Okay tell me whether that's medi

or is that well done?

- Medium.
- And?

- Well done.
- Well done?

None of you got that right, yes?

- Yes.

- Pork?

- Pork and fucking lamb, fucking

- You don't, you don't realise
until someone blindfolds you

and feeds you that your
palette is so non active.

- It could have been worse,
it could have been chicken,

then we would have looked
like fucking idiots.

(whisk whirring)

- Oh shit!
- I'm sorry

- Tim's had a week of
non stop grief from me.

Whip, whip, whip, put the bowl d

This boy has really tested my pa

Right, how do we know they're re

- You can lift them upside down.

- Yeah, there you go, look.

And I really don't know
if any of it's sunk in.

Oh I'd love to get it and put it

- Go on (laughs).

- But with more than 40 guests e

in just over two hours time,

he'll soon be tested
to his absolute limits.

- Oh fucking hell, I slipped.
(Gordon laughing)

- Oh no don't tell me, it was th

- It was the mud (laughs).

- Can't even take a fucking pena

I'll say this for Tim, he's no q

and I don't wanna see him fail,

but now he's got to prove he's
master of his own kitchen.

We're not leaving this as
a draw, you know that, hey?

In cooking nobody draws, ever.

One thing's for sure, tonight
he'll either sink or swim.

(upbeat music)

Oh yes!

Another two upstairs.
- Possibly.

- Possibly, okay good news,
good news, another two,

so we're up to 50, 48 now.

Sue's never had so many bookings

She's having to move furniture
out to fit more tables in.

(furniture thudding)

Are you happy with that?

- Chicken Kiev with roasted vine

T-bone steak with home made chip

- Because there's so
many involved for dinner,

I wouldn't stall them
upstairs for too long,

you're really gonna
dump us in it big time.

- Prawn cocktail, three bean
salad with mustard dressing.

- What do you think?

- Ooh, very bistro, yes, I like

- I hardly dare say it,

but this place has got
a real buzz about it.

Just one thing missing.

What do you like on all your men

- Oh, his name's not on it.

- Oh, bingo.

Where do you put that on the bac

- I don't want my name on it.

We work as a team, and
it's a joint effort,

and bistro you know that's it.

- That's the most sensible thing

you've said to me all
fucking week, you know that?

Thank you.

Every decent restaurant in the c

is full on Valentine's Night.

The competition down the road
is packed to the rafters,

and for once, so is Bonapartes.

In a small town like Silsden,

business thrives on word of mout

and if tonight's a disaster,
it could break Sue.

- I have got a fear that
he will not be able to cope

with the numbers.

Especially when he's
saying that 11's busy.

I don't think so.

So we'll see what he's made of.

- [Gordon] Tim has got to get th

- Right two for upstairs,

two soups, two chicken.

- Okay, hey, six o'clock,
first order's in.

Hello chef.

- Yes.

- Might as well give it to
Scott, Scott first order in.

Hey are we gonna let the kitchen

call out the tickets or
are you gonna call 'em out,

come on.

- One order, two soup, two chick

one creme brulee, one treacle ta

(upbeat music)
- Wi Chef.

- Let's go, soups made, get it o

Scott, put some water in it, ple

Something's burning, what's that

- It's on the grill thing.
- That's not the croutons?

- [Tim] No it's not the crouton.

- [Gordon] Don't burn the crouto

- I'm not burning the croutons.

- The soups on, yeah?
- Yeah.

- Pan on for the chicken?
- Not yet.

- No I think we should put
the pan on first, yeah,

you have to start the chicken,

and as they're eating the soup,

the chicken is cooking, yes.

Are you alright yeah?

- Yeah I'm fine.

- First order in, it's
upstairs, you're okay?

Well the pan's not on
for the chicken yeah.

Don't burn the croutons, okay?

Right how long for that soup?

- [Lee] Five fast.

- 45 seconds.

Oh fuck off will you.

What the fuck are you doing?

Out the way.

Young man, what are you doing?

Slow down, talk to him.

Lee could you send the two soup

- [Lee] Wi.

- Look at the croutons, charcoal

Oh, God, it's the first fucking

What's the matter?

- Nothing.

- Well you're cooking like an
absolute twat you know that,

yeah, just take your
time, big deep breath,

and talk to Lee a little
bit, you're just on your own,

spinning around, round and round

and just creating a fucking bedl

- Yeah

- Calm down, get yourself
organised and control yourself.

Now fucking come back to me a li

come back to me a bit yes?

- [Tim] I'm back (laughs).

- Come on Timmy fresh start,

or we're gonna go down
like a sack of shit.

That's better Lee, look at him l

hey nice and bright, give us a s

It's well done isn't it?
- Yeah.

- Come on, put it in.

Team work.

- Lee, get me some veg.

Scotty, can I have two ovals
out of there mate please.

On order three prawn cocktail, o

one sirloin medium, one T-bone
medium, one sirloin medium.

So don't rush the starters,

we've got a lot of stuff to get

- Good, communicate, good.

- [Tim] Can you get some
more ramekins I need them.

How long for veg, one and half?

(sugar searing)

(people talking)
(upbeat music)

- All set and done yet?
- Yeah.

On order, one prawns, one beans,

one sirloin well done,
one lemon, one brulee.

(people talking)
(crockery clanking)

Scotty too hotty, can I have
two ovals now, mate, please.

- Good, that's it, now you're ta

to the whole brigade now.

Now you're talking to the
team which is fantastic,

keep it going, yes?

When I hear you stop talking,

we're gonna go, we're gonna go d

- Yeah.

- Hey, it's not quite right
but at least it's moving, huh?

- Yes, medium with salad,
that's a medium on it's own

without salad, and that's a
rare, yeah, without salad.

- [Gordon] Fucking hell.

Keep it together yeah?

Let's not get nervy.

- The food was, was excellent,
yeah, very enjoyable.

- It's what we expected to have

it was really tasty and
real enjoyable, it's nice.

- How many more to come please S

- There's another four.

- Four?
- I over booked actually.

- The local competition
tonight has got 46 booked.

If we do this last
four, we've beaten them.

Yeah, does that not just lift
the morale up a little bit?

- Absolutely.
- Yeah.

- T-bone medium, medium,
medium, medium and a chicken.

- Ladies and gentlemen, show tim

Cabaret, I'd like to
introduce Tom Sawyer who--

- After the prawn cocktail
get some hollandaise on yeah?

Call service please Scotty.

- Take it away.
- Hooray!

(people applauding)

- One T-bone steak medium,
and one chicken Kiev please,

and that's all going to table 12

- Tell these two to quiet down.

- [Host] Brought a
programme together tonight.

- [Gordon] Chicken colour look,
when it's brown, it's cooked,

when it's black, it's?
- Fucked.

(people talking)
(upbeat music)

- Watch the pastry please.

Pies.
- Pastry cooked.

- Beautiful.
(crockery clanking)

- [Tim] Two sirloin medium.

- We're not finished
yet but yeah well done.

(Tim laughing)

Tim's gran and granddad

are celebrating their
44th wedding anniversary.

At last Tim can repay them
for the rubbish he served up

a couple of nights ago, with
a delicious well cooked meal.

- It was lovely that steak,
it was beautiful Tim.

- [Tim] Glad you liked it.

- It brought back memories
that T-bone steak.

- Did it?
- Yeah.

- Hey, did you hear what Grandda

- Yeah that's brilliant.
- Brought back memories.

(people applauding)

You really surprised me tonight,

and I'm really seriously over th

that you didn't fuck it.

I'm serious.
- Yeah.

- 'Cause the first 15
minutes at six o'clock,

you acted like the biggest
twat in Britain, you know that,

all over the shop and you
pulled it back together,

and that wasn't me, that was you

and the feedback from them
out there has been brilliant.

What does that tell you?

What does that, what
does that put in there?

- I haven't had a service
like that for a long time.

- And these stupid fucking
illusions of grandeur,

and all this stupid fine dining

that you're trying to do.

- [Tim] It's gone.

- Do you understand?
- Yeah.

- [Gordon] Exactly where you are

- Yeah, yeah totally understand.

- Do you understand what
you're capable of doing

within this restaurant?
- Yes.

- Stop trying to take it beyond

it's never gonna be,
you'll fuck the restaurant,

and you'll fuck yourself big
time, so never forget tonight.

That a guy downstairs
is absolutely brilliant.

It's up to you now not
to allow it to go back

to where it was.

- [Sue] I've been too soft.

- You have to be, yeah exactly,

and I'm glad you're saying it,

because that's exactly what
I was going to say next.

- And I've also allowed him
to have his head too much.

- Yeah, I also think you've
been confused to what you want,

because you haven't been
focused on one direction

for the restaurant, because
you've been you know--

- Trying to do all things.
- Jumping all over the place.

- [Sue] I agree, I agree.

- And that's part of the
panic, and that's wrong,

and now tonight, it's clearly ev

exactly what you need to
do from this day onwards,

and if he changes anything,
I'll pickle his nuts.

(tense ominous music)

When I arrived at Bonapartes a m

it literally had no customers.

Head chef Tim Grey was a liabili

(Gordon vomiting)

- I didn't realise they were fuc

- He couldn't even cook an omele

You're taking the piss you, you

In one gruelling week we
transformed Bonapartes

from a failing fine dining
restaurant into a buzzing bistro

(people talking)

With Tim sending out quality foo

to nearly 50 contented
customers on Valentine's night.

Hallelujah!
(Tim laughing)

But since I left, Sue's given
Tim two written warnings

over his attitude.

Now I'm back unannounced to
find out what is going on.

(tense ominous music)

(upbeat music)
Turn that fucking thing off.

My god, what's going on?

- Chillin'.

- Chillin'?

It's Friday night, it's
07:30, how many's booked?

- Four.

- Four, and you've got
the music blaring away?

- Yeah I'm just--
- Where's Lee?

- He's upstairs on bar.

- He's in the bar.

What the fuck is that in there?

- [Tim] Mussels.

- You're not serving them are yo

- [Tim] Yeah.

- What are the fridges like?

My god almighty, what
is that shit in there.

That is mould and fur, dear oh d

So you haven't changed have you?

Oh fucking hell.

The whole week, drumming
into their thick skulls,

and it comes to this.

Holy fuck!

This is a living fucking nightma

Nobody in this place is taking c

And in this state the health ins

would close them down
without a second thought.

Sue, I've got to show you this,

because it's part of your respon

and this is your gaff.

There you go.
- Didn't see that there.

- You didn't see this Sue?
- No I didn't actually.

In fairness to Tim he
was, he was doing okay,

he seemed to be okay for
the first three days,

and then it went and then--

- This is not right this
is fucking miles away,

this is a nightmare, you know th

'cause it's more loss on top
of more loss and more loss,

and more mould.

That's what worries me.

Because you need to touch that,

you need to rub your finger on t

you need to go to a chip you
need to season something,

you put your finger in the tomat

and then they're all fucked.

You've just contaminated the who

and that's what really worries m

This kitchen is not fit to
cook a fucking thing in,

right now, and that's your probl

- I think I'd better just close,

and put due to refurbishment.

- [Gordon] And you should bow
out gracefully, you know that.

- I've just been giving
him another chance,

and another chance, I can't tole

it's just going to end up,

well it's professional suicide i

He's conned me, simple as that.

I don't honestly think
he did it deliberately.

I don't think he's a nasty piece

I just think he lives
in a Walter Mitty world,

I'm beginning to think

that he just convinces
himself to be honest.

- To go from

Valentine's Day evening to this

it's not even funny, there's
just something wrong with it,

to be honest.

- Valentine's Day were good, man

I don't think I've gone
home to bed, or whatever,

feeling in a better happier stat

and tonight I don't think I
could go to bed in a worse one,

it's beyond recognition really,

isn't it how fucking stupid

that someone can be, you know wh

It's a dark one.

- [Producer] And who's that some

- That'd be me, pretty much,

yeah.

- Well at least the bar's
busy that is one saving grace.

But really thank God she
closed that kitchen down,

because it was fucking disgustin

I mean really appallingly bad,

shockingly bad.

- [Tim] If you'd just let me get

it would be a damn sight better-

- [Sue] If I'd let you
get on with it this floor

would be knee deep in S-H, one,

- Before you rang me up all aggr

I was getting on with you fine,

I was respecting you,

giving all the like gentlemanly
bloody stuff I could do,

and then you went and
shot it down fucking pan.

- No don't turn it on me.

If a floor is filthy--

- [Tim] I don't want to turn it

because it doesn't matter anymor

- Before service, the floor was

- Does it matter?
- Yes.

- I think--
- It does.

- I think we've established
that, look yeah.

Fuck the fucking floor that's wo

(slow calming music)