King of the Hill (1997–2010): Season 6, Episode 19 - Sug Night - full transcript

And a notch up from
the Wagner Char King Superiore...

is the Char King lmperiale.

Wagner's a fantastic company.
They're based right over in El Paso...

so they've got American ingenuity
and Texas craftsmanship...

-built right in--
-Yeah, yeah, I know.

I bought an lmperiale here
eight years ago.

And I think you were the guy
that sold it to me.

Well...

I've been preaching the word of Wagner
for the past 20 years.

All the faces kind of blend together.

Sug', sorry to bother you at work,
but I got a little propane crisis.



I'll be right back.

What do you need?
New tank, tank checked, tank wiped?

I bought a hot tub, but right now
it's all tub and no hot.

Can you rig up some
propane thingamajiggy?

A hot tub?

Well, you see, Nancy,
propane is a family gas.

I've never approved of it being used
to promote alternative lifestyles.

Oh, Hank, please.
It's my anniversary present to Dale.

Couldn't you just send it on back
to California for servicing?

I want to surprise him with it tonight.
It's our first anniversary since l....

Well, you know, stopped cheating on him
with John Redcorn.

I suppose I could take a look.

Maybe I can adapt
the unit we use to heat the water...

over at the pig-scalding plant.



I mean, it is your anniversary.

[Panting]

I've got to tell you, Nancy...

I've never done this before.
It's all so weird.

The bonnet valves are bolted,
not screwed.

The regulators are back-mounted.

If l, if I could just...

get it to work.

Yes. Yes, I did it.

Let me slip into the driver's seat
and give this baby a test run.

What you're gonna wanna
go ahead and do...

is submerge your entire self.

That way you can accurately measure
the evenness of the heat.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

I am pudding.

Hank, you're amazing.

Oh, well.

Yeah, you know.

DALE: Damn it!
NANCY: Dale's home.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you for choosing
Strickland Propane.

Happy anniversary, sug'.

Wingo! A love tub!

There goes your present.

Believe me when I tell you...

that was the wildest water heater repair...

I've done in my entire life.

Hank, you know what that
""can do"" attitude of yours does to me?

It is Tuesday night.

Sorry, Peggy. My mind's somewhere else.

In a steaming tub
of propane-powered relaxation.

Good idea, Hank. Save it up for tomorrow.

We will be explosive.

How do you like your burger?
Medium or medium-rare?

-Medium, sug'.
-Okay, then.

Oh, yeah.

-You make a delicious burger, sug'.
-Thanks.

But the Char King does most of the work.

And, Bobby,
what would you like for breakfast?

I don't care. Anything. No fruit!

Here are your eggs, Hank.
I cannot legally call it a McMuffin.

But you will never know the difference.

You know, I had
the craziest dream last night.

Oh, my God, me, too.
Who did you murder?

Nobody. It was a good dream.
A great dream.

Wish I could remember it.
It seemed really important.

Dang, what was it?

Wait, wait. I was grilling.

-Yeah, I was grilling burgers.
-We've heard this one, Dad.

No, it wasn't the giant burgers.
There was more.

I was in the backyard
and I was feeling really good.

Bobby, why don't you take
my breakfast egg sandwich...

and eat it in your room?

In case you change your mind.

Peggy, you're not gonna believe this.
I was naked.

[Laughing] I was grilling burgers naked.
How do you like that?

And then, when the burger
was just right...

I slid it on a kaiser roll and I fed it to....

Uh....

Fed it to me. Yeah, yeah.
And then what did I do?

You ate it, and you said it tasted good.

Oh.

-Principal Moss.
-Huh?

I murdered Principal Moss, Hank.

But, then, instead of making me
the new principal...

they appointed me
queen of the school district.

I had an emerald crown.

-Heya, John Redcorn.
-Hank.

Yeah, John Redcorn,
I had a dream last night.

-You got a minute?
-Come in. I'll brew some chamomile tea.

[Sighing]

...and the woman in my dream,
the one without the clothing...

was not my wife.

And, needless to say,
that is not a dream I intended to have.

My people believe that dreams
are the unconscious mind...

trying to solve a problem
that the conscious mind cannot.

Is there anything unusual
going on with you?

Nope.

Everything's the same
as it's always been...

for as long as I can remember.

Yep. Same old, same old.

[Sniffing]

Is it possible that
after 20 years of marriage...

-you're a little tired of your wife?
-What? That's crazy.

Our romantic life is as good as
the day we were married.

It hasn't changed a bit. Yep.

We've got a great routine.

If I were bored of Peggy,
I'd be having dreams...

in which I was bored of Peggy...

not grilling naked
with the neighbor's wife.

Minh.

No.

It's Nancy?

My Nancy?

You're having dirty dreams
about my sweet Nan-Nan?

Say, is that a new suede vest?

Nancy used to like it
when I kept the vest on during sex.

-Do you want it?
-Oh, God.

Here, take it. Take it all.

Hank, get on your swim trunks.
We are going hot-tubbing at the Gribbles.

Oh, here, I have an extra nose clip for you.

Oh. Hi, Nancy.

I just wanted to thank you
for your help, sug'.

-Dale loved the gift.
-Yeah.

Yeah, that's nice...

but I'm kind of not in the mood
for hot-tubbing tonight.

Not in the mood?

Hank, I cannot get out of it.
I already invited us.

It would be rude.

Sorry, sug's, but I don't know
where Dale went off to.

He might be in the basement,
but I don't like going down there.

Oh, hey, Nancy,
I see you've got some cheese there.

It's just American Singles,
but I cut them into little squares.

I hate to play the narrow urethra card...

but I'm not gonna be able
to stay in here too long.

Don't you think this is exactly
what Paris is like?

Feel that heat.

Yep, 102 degrees.

I had a fever of 102 once.

Took some aspirin, went right down.

Speaking of hot,
Hank had quite a spicy dream last night.

-Peggy!
-Oh, lighten up.

We're hot-tubbing. Have some cheese.

Hank dreamt that he and l
were grilling naked in the backyard.

Isn't that the sexiest thing
you've ever heard?

No one makes cheese like the Americans,
I tell you what.

Nancy, get out of the tub!

The electric toaster!

What the hell are you doing?

I know all about your naked dream
with my wife.

-What?
-That's right.

John Redcorn told me everything.

He's a true friend, unlike you.

Wait.

You, me, and Nancy were naked?

You?

There wasn't room for you
in Hank's kinky little dream world.

Are you sure it wasn't me
wearing a Nancy mask?

I'm sorry.

Hank, stay right there.

I need to borrow your extension cord.

Hank, I ask you this not as a jealous wife...

but as a curious educator.
Are you attracted to Nancy?

Absolutely not.

You know I don't go for those sexy types.

It was just the one dream...

and the only reason
I didn't tell you the truth is because...

you know, I'm not comfortable
talking about this kind of stuff.

You told John Redcorn,
and you know he is a terrible gossip.

You are 100%% right about that.

Telling John Redcorn was a mistake.
Now, why don't we put all this behind us?

Maybe we can do
what I was too distracted to do last night.

Sorry, Hank.

Now you know what it feels like
to be kept waiting.

Remember the six weeks
after Bobby was born?

You bet you do.

Ow.

-Medium, right?
-Yes, please.

Medium, it is.

That hamburger exceeds
all USDA requirements.

Hank, what is it?
Were you having another sex nightmare?

No. No, I heard Ladybird whimpering.

You know how that toilet water
goes right through her.

Ladybird.

Come on, girl, I stayed up with you
when you had nightmares.

Oh, it's just one dream.
I wouldn't let it get to you.

Oh, I yelled at Hank last night...

and now he's been walking Ladybird
for six hours.

Sug', just apologize.

Oh, and Dale didn't want me
to say anything...

but have Hank check under his lawnmower
before he starts it.

Who's a good girl
and finally made for Daddy?

Hank, I would like to apologize. So I will.

Words were exchanged,
and I may have gotten the better of you.

I am sorry.
One silly dream is not worth fighting over.

Yep, it sure was silly. That one dream.

Of course you're attracted to me.

So to show you both my forgiveness
and my generosity...

I think we should
go back to bed and make up.

Okay, then.

-That was real nice, Peggy.
-I knew it would be.

-Hey, you want to split a beer?
-Just like our first time?

You are so romantic.

[Metal scraping outside]

Hello?

It's time to grill, sug'.

-Nancy!
-Hank!

-Peggy?
-That's right. Peggy!

You fell asleep
while we were making sweet love...

-and you dreamt about her? Again?
-Peggy, believe me...

if I could go back in time
and stay awake during relations...

-I would.
-But you can't.

Because you are bored of me.

No, no, no. I assure you...

I could do the same old stuff
with you forever.

You know how much I like
the fundamentals.

I am not threatened by you!

-Oh, sug'.
-Don't you ""sug'"" me.

How could you try to steal my Hank?
Is there no end to your insecurity? Huh?

Oh, Nancy, Hank had the dream again.

-He's bored of me.
-Oh, sug'.

Tell me, how do you and Dale...

keep the sauce simmering
in your marriage?

And do not say ""communicate""...

because there are some things
Hank just will not do.

I was lucky.

Me and Dale took
a 14-year intimacy break...

while I saw John Redcorn for migraines.

So now it's back
like when we were first dating.

Yeah, but I can't take a 14-year break.

They'll have sex robots by then
and Hank won't need me.

He's not bored of you, Peggy.
He's just bored of the things that you do.

Have you thought about maybe
doing something a little kinky?

Well, l....

I guess I could wear my old high school
marching-band uniform.

It's a start.

Well, it's my old pal Hank...

or should I say, ""You jerk""?

-Dale--
-No!

The time for talk is over.

Prepare to be annihilated
by a lethal combination...

of martial Tai Chi, Bagua, and Krav Maga.

Now, grab my arm,
one hand on my wrist...

and one hand on my elbow.

And it's got to be right on the elbow
or it won't work.

Trust me, getting your ass kicked
isn't gonna make you feel any better.

One hand on my elbow!

Now, let's just all settle down here.

Which one of us hasn't had an innocent
sex dream about a friend's wife?

You're right.

Hank, you're my best friend.
I know you wouldn't bed my wife.

Now, please take my hand
and my elbow in apology.

[Metal scraping outside]

Hello?

Peggy, what are you doing?

Making your dreams come true.

Now, let's get naked.

Peggy, what are you doing?

You were naked,
and that was my second-best work shirt.

Come on, Hank.

Pick up those tongs
and take off those pants.

I am not going to grill without clothes.

Maybe without an apron,
that's as far as I'll go.

You did it with Nancy,
but you won't do it with me?

That was a dream,
and I didn't even want to do it then.

Hold on a second.
I think I hear something in the bushes.

-Hank, you are just stalling.
-I am not stalling. I am stopping.

There's someone in that bush. Hey, you!

It is your imagination which got us
into this mess in the first place.

Do you want these dreams to end or not?

[Someone burps]

God dang it, Bill.

I'm leaving.

I am not exposing myself in public.
That's illegal.

The press would have a field day.

You know how they're always trying
to take propane down a notch.

Fine. We will rent a skating rink...

or wait, how about Paradise Cove?

We can't go to a nude beach.

I don't even like looking
at pictures of naked people.

Then we will go at the break of dawn.

-Can I at least think about it?
-Think about it?

You have to think
about saving our marriage?

[Sighing]

Okay.

-Can I wear oven mitts?
-Were they in the dream?

-No.
-Then, no.

Yeah, sure, at the 7-Eleven
you have to wear shoes and a shirt...

but here in paradise,
""Hey, let's all get nude.""

Are you sure this is the only way?

I mean, couldn't we try...

counseling?

I did not know if your dream involved
Bermuda or Vidalia onions...

so I brought both.

Vidalia.

Okay, I'm lighting the grill.

Now the robe.

My hand is on the sash.

Pulling the sash.

-My torso is exposed.
-Oh.

Slow motion. So sexy.

Now fast forward.

So, this is what it's like
being naked outside.

I don't like it.

That is because
your fantasy is not complete.

Here are the burgers.

Well, let's cook them quick.

Normally, I wouldn't press the burgers,
but these are extenuating circumstances.

So, how do you feel?

Hold on. I better turn these.

They're searing well.
You know, I've got to say...

this is pretty wild.

I told you I smelled barbecue.

Oh, God.

Hamburgers at 7::00 a.m.?

Someone's got the munchies.

We are not hungry.
We are saving our marriage.

Why are you here?

We were over at the volleyball pit
and she's all, like...

""Someone's grilling meat.""

[Sniffing]

Why does your barbecue smell
so much better than when we barbecue?

Well, you're probably grilling
with charcoal...

so chances are you're smelling the coals
or the lighter fluid.

This is a propane grill,
so you're smelling the meat, not the heat.

Sounds like you do a lot of grilling.
What's with the tan lines?

Well, this is my first time here...

but I've been in the grill game for 20 years.

Hank Hill, Assistant Manager,
Strickland Propane.

-Mandy.
-Becky.

Peggy Hill.

Hank, why don't we go
somewhere more private?

You certainly can't live out your fantasy
with all these naked women around.

Peggy, I'm kind of busy right now.

This here's the Wagner Char King.

Wagner's a fantastic company.
They're based out of El Paso...

so you've got American ingenuity
and Texas craftsmanship built right in.

At the age of six,
Charles Emerson Wagner...

built his first grill out of chain-link fence
and an old washtub.

-Later, dude.
-Bye, Mandy. Bye, Becky.

Call me when you get back from Tucson.

Your burger's ready. What....

You wanted medium, right?
I could throw it back on.

You don't want me anymore.
You want other women.

-Younger, equally pretty women.
-Women?

What, those customers?

They're talking about converting
their houseboat to propane.

Isn't that wild?

We're talking heating, refrigeration,
dual outboard motors....

Wait...

are you turned on by the propane?

You bet I am.
Think of all the things it can do.

Nude grilling, hot tubs, hippie houseboats.

Oh, my God.

Those dreams
weren't about you and Nancy.

They were about you and the grill.

You weren't bored of me, Hank.
You were bored of propane.

Of course.

I'd fallen into a rut.

Grills, tanks, grills, tanks.

You see, I'd always thought of propane
as a dignified lady.

But she's not just clean burning,
she can also be a dirty girl.

That means I don't have to be.

Now, what do you say we put on
some clothes, go home, take them off...

and have a little
of the same old, same old?

Oh, Hank.

Mmm.

Yeah.

HANK: No oie makes cheese
like the Americais,