Kim's Convenience (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 9 - Which Witch is Which - full transcript

Oh!

You know this
is my favourite pizza.

Thank you for
getting me this.

I not get for you.

We run out,
I order more.

- That's how store work.
- Oh, but I know the truth.

Remember last week when I
came in looking for a comfort pizza

because my boyfriend
had dumped me?

- I don't remember.
- Come on, I...

I was almost in tears
right over there.

You almost
always in tear.



Every time you come in,
you is laughing

or hugging
or gasping or crying.

Should I be
more like you?

I tell you my cousin
is getting married, nothing.

I tell you I saw a pigeon

get slaughtered
by a cyclist, nothing.

Yeah. Normal.

Fine.

I will be a stone,

dead inside.

I wish.

Pizza's $9.98.

Wonderful.

It's a celebration pizza.



My boyfriend and I
are back together.

Hmm. Here.

Take.

For happy
boyfriend reunion.

Thank you.
What kindness.

Because I care about you.

- Uh-huh.
- I think

you is probably
most special customer

in the whole neighborhood
inside my...

I knew it!
I knew it!

See? You just
so easy to break.

Is it crazy to think that we
could go for a beer sometime?

- Very crazy.
- 'Cause you said you

- care about me.
- I was lying.

I can see some
emotion in there.

- That not emotion.
- Ah!

Look at us.

Two hot-blooded soulmates!

Just go!
Before I throw out pizza

and never order
more again.

I know you're not a stone.

He's not a stone!

What was that?

Something I'll regret
for rest of my life.

*KIM's CONVENIENCE*
Season 04 Episode 09

Episode Title:
"Which Witch is Which'"

Oh.

Yeah.

It's getting late.
Bye, bye. See you later.

Excuse.

Thanks, but I already know
where to find Jesus.

Oh.

Huh. Guess what I find?

Aicham! Yobo,
this coffee mug all fuzzy inside.

- What you doing?
- Finding you secret mess.

Oh, how you know
it's mine, huh?

Because I keep nice thing
here like photo of Jung

and drawing Janet drew
of me when she is little.

Not a mouldy snack

and half-finish
crossword, like you.

Lots of picture
of you with a broom.

Yeah, because I always
cleaning up after you.

And pointy hat,
dress all in black.

- Yeah.
- Oh, look,

here you is

stirring big black
pot of soup

with crow on
shoulder and black cat.

Janet draw me
as witch?

Not all witch. See?

Oh, that's you

wearing underwear
and a blanket.

Actually, that's me as a...

Super Appa!

Okay, Super Appa
go back in time

and keep
super mouth shut.

Oh, man,
I love this song.

Crankin' it!

God,
Omar! I told you to turn it down.

You kidding me?
This is my jam.

Crankin' it!

- You still remember the routine?
- Oh, God, it's been so long.

How does it
even go again?

That's good,
that's good.

But I think you're
missing something.

Oh, yeah.

Wow. Imagine how
good they'd be

if they weren't
missing something.

That
was a-mah-zing.

Yeah, just a little something

Kimch and I threw together
back in the day.

You know,
I'm actually a pretty good dancer myself.

- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.

Maybe I'll give you a...

private
performance sometime.

- Maybe I'd like that.
- Maybe you will.

I mean,
you definitely will.

You're not the only
show in town, mister.

- Hey, Umma.
- Janet.

I need green tea
but can't remember

- the one I like.
- Uh-oh.

Which one is one
which you like?

I don't remember.
I just said that.

I can tell you
green tea I like.

Yeah, so which one,
do you like... - A-ha!

Okay,
what's going on?

Explain this.

- Oh, my God.
- Like I say,

- A-ha!
- You umma find old picture

and get so obsess, eh?

What do you have
to say for yourself?

Mrs. Lee hasn't
seen these, has she?

Th... This is picture
of Mrs. Lee?

Yeah. Who else
would it be?

Oh, yeah.

It look
just like her.

Why you draw Mrs.
Lee like a witch?

She was
the worst babysitter.

- Super strict.
- Mmm.

I always had to go to bed at,
like, 7:00,

and she made me do
homework on Friday night.

- Yeah, she so terrible.
- Yeah.

Still, that was
a long time ago.

I'd hate to
hurt her feelings,

so maybe we should
just get rid of these?

Good idea.

You know,
you Appa think I was the witch.

That's hilarious.

That's what I say.
So hilarious.

All those pictures
are pretty ridiculous.

Well, not all of them.

Yeah, all of them.

Hello?

Hey, Ajumma.

- Oh, you cooking.
- Yeah, just making spaghetti.

- You want some?
- I heat this up also.

Always nice
to have choice.

Oh, and I bring you
something else.

Jung Kim, rockin'
the tween years.

Is that
a baby moustache?

Yeah,
he draw a moustache to impress girl.

So desperate.

Yeah, I'll take that,
thank you very much.

No, I show to you.
I keep for myself.

And look, uh?

Janet make a funny picture
of Mrs. Lee as witch.

Oh, careful,
spaghetti is burning.

Janet drew Mrs. Lee
as a witch, too?

What do you mean, "too"?

To show

what a mean person
Mrs. Lee was.

I'm guessing.
I don't really know.

Yeah, Mrs. Lee was different
things to different people, so...

That's true. One person's
witch is another person's...

Santa Claus.

Or a leprechaun...

Why would Janet say
she draw Mrs. Lee,

when she don't
draw Mrs. Lee?

- Jung?
- Well, it's just, um...

You know,
she probably didn't...

Who is witch?

Hello, Gus.
Anything else?

- Just the usual.
- $15.50.

Looks like
I'm a bit short.

Well, I'll...
I'll put the drink back.

Ah, it's okay.

- You get me next time.
- That's mighty kind of you.

Yeah, you might
even say...

Super kind.

Okay.

And don't think
I'll forget, either.

You'll get it all back,
with interest, one day.

This one. Oh.

Looks like today
is not that day.

Well, you never know
when you luck change.

Maybe today.
Maybe sooner.

- What's sooner than today?
- I mean,

you might find
something good,

right under
you nose.

Message received.

You've been really good to me,
Mr. Kim.

I'll pay my tab
as soon as I can.

No, that's not
what I mean.

But, uh, yeah.

Heard a rumore
that your compadre

is occupado ce soiree.

Yeah.
He's at Gwen... ee's

Well, I believe I promised
a certain gentleman a dance.

Uh, uh, uh.
No touching the dancers.

Just sit back

and enjoy the show.

Oh, wow.

That is...

It's actually kinda hot.

Well, stay hydrated

'cause it's about to get
a lot hotter in here.

Wow, this is, um...

What is this?

Oh, still going.

Cool.

- Oh, and a pepperoni stick.
- Oh.

They're Eddy Chan's favourite.

- He's still in hospital?
- For a few more days.

Pastoral care never ends.

Well, we all have to do
right thing.

That's what I do.

Mmm.

I do, but I don't have
to talk about.

That's the spirit.

Like Bible say,

"It's more good to give
than to receive."

And I know

because I do.

Oh... Did I get soup?

- Oh.
- Yes.

Okay, since you ask,

I find $100 bill outside.

- Oh?
- So I ask myself,

"What would
the Jesus do?"

So you called
the police.

No. I put aside,

in case person
who lose money

- come back to find.
- Oh.

- Well, let's hope they do.
- Yeah. No,

because I give $100

to customer
who always need money.

But technically it wasn't
your money to give.

I don't think you hearing part
where I doing like the Jesus.

Oh, sorry,
I've got to run.

I've gotta time
this just right

if I want to get there
when Eddy's Ambien kicks in.

Dude, you're not wearing
my underwear again, are you?

No. Yes.

But I'm sore from
dancing the other day.

Oh, well,
dancing can be painful.

Shannon reminded me
last night.

Hey, what happens
in the bedroom

stays in the bedroom.

No. She was actually
Highland dancing.

Like with bagpipes?

It was not sexy.

Oh. So, you couldn't...

- Oh, God, imagine?
- I would die.

So, what's the problem?

It's a huge turn-off.

It required a lot of

"visualization,"
if you know what I mean.

You had to dip
into the reel.

More like a deep dive
into the reel, director's cut.

- So, what are you going to tell her?
- Nothing.

Big mistake, bro.

What if she puts Highland
dancing into steady rotation?

She did leave
her kilt in my closet.

'Cause she thinks
you liked it.

And I said "wow" a lot.

Exactly! If you don't
tell her now,

you can't tell her later
after she's done it again.

She'll feel like an idiot.
Trust me.

Gwen's into baby talk.

Ouch.

I thought it was a one-time
thing and she'd stop, but...

It nebbah ends, Twung.

Nebbah ebbah.

Oh, Gus.
How you going?

Anything excite happen?

Not really.

- You know, the same old, same old.
- Oh.

You not find
anything special

when you get
home other day?

Nope.
Wait, that's not true.

I found this bag
in an old suitcase.

It's like you said
the other day,

something good
was right under my nose.

Uh, what you do
with the old bag?

I threw it out.

Why you do that?

Have you seen all
the pockets in this one?

- And the zipper practically closes.
- Oh, Gus.

I put money
in old bag. Mmm?

$100 bill.

Oh, thank you.

Where is old bag?

In there?

Yeppers.

So...

Oh. My bad.

Caramel macchiato.
Pour vous.

You didn't have
to get me that

just because I said I was
dreaming about drinking one.

The third text you sent kind
of made it seem like it did.

Well, it is
a lovely surprise.

Not unlike the performance
I got to see the other night.

I know, right?

So energetic

and hoppy.

No one's ever done
that for me before.

Oh, was it too much?

It was, wasn't it?

No. No! I loved it.

It just seemed
like so much work for you.

All the rehearsing
and kicking and...

and... flinging.

It was a lot of
work, actually.

So, don't get
too used to it.

Special occasions only.

Well, guess I'll have
something to look forward to.

Maybe
mark Robbie Burns Day

in your calendar.

Is that more than
once a year or...

Oh, you wish.

Hello, Janet.

Is your umma around?

She invited me
over for tea.

- Yeah, she's just upstairs.
- Oh, Mrs. Lee.

Nice to see you.

What are you doing?

Oh, Janet!
Where these come from?

Oh, Mrs. Lee,
so sorry you have to see.

I can't see anything.

Ow!

Oh, don't look.
Don't look.

Janet draw.

Oh, is this...

You, yeah.

Children can
be so cruel,

even to people
who take care of them,

and feed them,
and give them everything.

I'm sorry.

I feel so bad.

But maybe
not bad enough.

Actually, this
is pretty good.

And I was strict.

I forgive you.

No, you can't
forgive so fast.

Have to tell
how you so angry.

Thank you. And you
were a great babysitter.

Oh, picture tell
a different story.

You were a joy
to watch.

And you've grown into
such a lovely young woman.

Aww!

You is not the witch!

I am the witch.

That... That make
more sense.

So you set up one of your
best friends just to prove a point?

That is seriously
mean, Umma.

You is the mean girl.

You draw picture of
your own umma as a witch

and lie about?

I was six.

And already so mean.

So, is there tea?

Pair of mitten.

Wig. No nest.

No, wig.

But no bag.

Mr. Kim?

Oh, Pastor Nina.

So nice to see you.

- Is everything okay?
- Yeah.

Very okay. Huh?

We just looking
for something.

Because...

This is Gus. Customer
I give money to.

Whoa. You can really hear
yourself breathe in this thing.

I... I not put money
in the dumpster.

I put in a bag
that he throw away

so now it's
in the dumpster.

I was in there, too.
Before.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Whoa!

- Well, that was a trip down memory lane.
- Yeah.

- Used to be in there quite a bit.
- Yeah, okay.

Oh.

Because of
a big misunderstanding,

I give to you this.

Oh, this is very
kind of you.

No, wait, give back.

- Mr. Kim!
- No. I not take.

- I giving.
- It's true.

Mr. Kim has almost
given me $150.

Sounds like
your almost lucky day.

Yeah.

I'll see you Sunday,
Mr. Kim.

Aigsham.

Whoa, she didn't even offer
to get in the dumpster.

Am I waiting for the
lady to come back or...

Just take.

Janet think I'm witch?

I wish I was.
Then I use magic

and poof,
turn her into good daughter.

Circle of parenting.

You umma mean to you,

you mean to Janet,
Janet mean to Chang Jo.

- Who is Chang Jo?
- Janet's daughter.

Why Janet is naming her daughter
after you umma, not mine?

Because you umma
also mean.

I am nothing
like my umma.

All the time pick, pick, pick.

Yeah.

My appa is same, mmm?

One time I think
he's trying to hug me,

but he just squeeze by
in a small hallway.

Yeah, and you think
our parent

ever think
about our feeling

or say sorry to us?

"Oh, so sorry, Yong-mi,

for spanking you."

"I apologize, Sang-Il,
for always yelling."

Still, treat them mean,
keep them keen, mmm?

- Yeah.
- Mmm.

Yeah.

Umma? What are
you doing?

I already clean out
fridge and do laundry.

You're the best, Mrs. Kim.

Oh, the best?

It's okay, Umma.
I can make my own bed.

I'm here to take
care of you.

Even though I'm very
tired from all the time

working to send you
to expensive art school.

It's not that
I'm not grateful, but...

- What are you holding?
- Nothing.

- My flash drive?
- Oh, I thought it was for the vaping.

You were snooping.

You ever see Gerald mommy here,
take care of him?

She's has
a new boyfriend.

He's pretty demanding.

You're just here
to make other people

think you're nice
while you snoop.

Maybe I not
happy-go-lucky Umma,

but I here to tell you,

"This is right,
that is wrong."

Mmm? And...

Panty with no bum
is very wrong.

Umma!

I just want different
relationship with you

than I have
with halmoni.

But maybe I can't change,
mean person I am.

- Umma, you're not mean.
- Really?

Fine, you're kinda mean.

But you're what,
20% less mean than halmoni?

And hopefully I'll be at least
20% less mean than you.

If you lucky.

Look, I don't need you
to be my best friend,

but I also don't need
you to be so...

Maybe I don't know
how to be less...

But you can try.

Okay.

Look, first I'm gonna
show you how to make bed properly,

otherwise, you never
gonna get married.

That's 20% more nice
than usual.

Ooh, date night Kimchee.

Mama like.

Gwen wants to try
a new restaurant.

Said something
about a seafood tower.

Maybe it was
a cupcake tower?

Either way,
I'm eating a tower.

- Have fun.
- Peace.

So, there's a shark movie

I really wanted to check out.

"Not available
in your territory"?

It's a shark movie.

I have an idea.

Please sit back, relax.

The show will
begin momentarily.

Actually, the truth is...

...it's your turn.

Play "Jungtastic Mix 06."

Uh...

This is about you tonight.

Nu-uh. You're my guest.

I'm sorry.

I really don't want to
hurt your feelings,

but this whole boyband thing
doesn't really do it for me.

It just isn't sexy.

Well, a lot of 13-year-old
girls find it very sexy.

Obviously, I mean,
when I was 13 and...

and for being honest,

your fling thing
is not sexy either.

- Now you're just lashing out.
- Oh, oh,

really? What is sexy
about this?

A lot more than this.

That's actually really hot.

Yeah, your slip jig
is kinda gettin' me there.

Play "Shanndance."

Play "Jungtastic Mix 06."

- Hey.
- Hey.

Guess what I found
in the dumpster?

New hair brush,
I hope.

100 bucks.

♪ Oh, yeah, Got some sweet,
Sweet trash money ♪

Stop. Give to me
my money.

How is this yours?

Other day I find
$100 bill on sidewalk.

Janet find money
in dumpster.

Because I put there.

You throw away
money on purpose?

Not on purpose.
On accident.

When I give to Gus.

Fine. Take it.

Here you go.

- Really?
- Mmm.

Thanks, Umma.
That's so generous of you.

See? Abracadabra.

Now I'm the nice one.