Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 1, Episode 1 - Dead Man's Drop/Stumped - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick ♪ ♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪
♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪



♪ kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

[crash]

[boy on speaker]
ladies and gentlemen,

Behold the world's
greatest daredevil,

Kick buttowski!

[grunts]

Kick? Kick are you okay?

It's just pain, gunther.

Just pain.

Hey, dillweed.

Doing something lame again?



If by lame you mean
facing certain doom

In the most "awesomest" stunt
ever, then yeah,

He's lame, brad.

[snaps]

[squeaks]

Hey, everyone.

My dillweed brother thinks he's

Some sort of stuntman.

Come on,
let's all watch him lame out

And break his tiny little bones.

Dude, look at that shrimp.

What's your big
stunt, little man?

Jumping an ant hill? [laughs]

I got five bucks on
multiple contusions.

Do they have a body
cast that small?

Laugh now,
but today you will watch in awe.

As kick buttowski conquers...

Dead man's drop.

[hawk screeches]

It's impossible.

It's never been done.

You'll end up like
dead man dave.

[crow cawing]

Gonna need my tricked-out,
world-class speed machine.

An ironing board?

Ha! You gonna steam
press your panties?

[all laughing]

Gunther, you genius!

Anyone can try this insane stunt

On a skateboard,
but an ironing board?

There's only one man for that.

♪ Kick buttowski ♪

Dillweed.

[all laughing]

[chomping]

You got this, kick.

All you got to do
is hook that sign.

Grab on, and you're home free.

Miss it,
and it's a world of pain.

Oh.

Let's do this.

We go bindings? Check.

Camera? Check.

Tunes? Check.

♪ I like ice-cream ♪

Yippee!

[all laugh]

Uncheck.

♪♪ [rock]

Yippee!

Showtime.

Hey.

Hurry up and beef.

I can't wait to show the world

Your epic fail.

Fail?

I don't do fail.

The sign, kick! Hook the sign!

He's gonna eat it so bad.

Aah, biscuits.

[screams]

[screams]

A-e-i-o-u.

And sometimes y!

♪♪ [humming]

Well,
it took all blasted summer,

But i finally have
the best rose bushes

In the cul-de-sac.

[whistling] ahh!

I'm good.

Hey, kick,

You're naked.

[all laugh]

Ha-ha, dillweed!

Failure now in hd.

[laughing]

Carefully i lower the
forceps and firmly yank.

Ow!

Stop moving.

This is delicate butt surgery.

The guy on tv said carefully.

Do you want me to get
the thorns out or not?

Okay, do another.

Go ahead, do it. Do it!

[screams]

Why'd you do it?

[laughs]

That wipeout is gonna
be an internet classic.

But this is even better.

Say cheese.

[laughs]

Later, dillweeds.

That's it, brad.

You just mad my revenge list.

Gunther, the list.

Brad.

Don't worry, kick.

Nobody is gonna see that video.

Three... four million tops.

Sure there'll be a period
of incredible sadness

Followed by six to eight
months of social ostracism.

And come high school
you'll never get a date

And probably die a
lonely, lonely man.

But it could be worse.

Tell everyone 8:00,
dead man's drop.

What are you gonna do?

It's time to kick buttowski.

Gosh, father,
don't you worry about kick.

I'll take special care
of the little rascal.

Have a wonderful evening.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You ain't going no
where, dillweed.

Mom and dad said
if i watch you good

They'll let me take my
driver's test again.

Fifth times a charm.

Out of my way.

You're not out of nowhere.

[grunts]

[straining]

[grunting]

You ready to give up?

Lights out.

[farts]

[announcer] knockout.

Taste on it, dillweed.

You'll be spending
the rest of the night

Locked in your room.

I'm totally gonna ace
that driver's test.

[laughs]

Maybe.

You just made my
revenge list again!

[gunther] kick,
kick, do you read me?

Talk to me, gunther.

Where are you?

I can't keep the crowd
entertained much longer.

Brad's got me on lockdown.

[grunts]

But i'll be there.

Freedom, here we come!

[brad] what the...

I can't believe my
dillweed parents

Blocked the tankini
lumberjack channel.

Gunther,
i'm gonna need a distraction.

[gunther] 10-4, good buddy.

[doorbell chimes]

Who is it?

Tankini lumberjack.

Oh, hello.

Do you know where to
lumberjack beach party?

Not this again, gunther.

Yeah!

Ah, biscuits.

[crash]

What loud noise?

Kick!

[growls]

[brad] kick!

Ladies and gentlemen,
kick buttowski

Will now conquer
dead man's drop.

Game over, dillweed.

I'm taking you home before
mom and dad get back.

No one stands between me
and my driver's license.

[snaps]

[growling]

[screaming]

[sniffing]

[sobs]

[gorilla grunts]

[groans]

Gimme.

[sobs]

You're toast, small fry!

[thinking] hook the sign, kick.

The sign.

[screams]

[crowd cheers]

Dude, you're the man.

Way to go, kick.

You are the man, kick.

That was sweet.

♪ Kick buttowski ♪

Carefully i lower the forceps

And firmly yank.

Hello, brad.

Say cheese.

[all laughing]

Another internet classic.

Oh, my gosh,
i just realized he has no pants on.

[gunther] wow,
billy stumps in person.

Billy stumps!

I can't believe it.

You're gonna meet you
idol in just six days.

[clattering]

[car alarm wails]

[hawk screeches]

Kick. Kick.

Kick!

You feel asleep with
your eyes open again.

You're missing billy stumps.

[chimes]

[chimes]

[chimes]

[bell dings]

Billy!

[crowd cheers]

[kick] billy!

Wow, i never seen you this
down, kick.

So close to meeting
billy stumps.

I know just the thing
to cheer you up.

A get well song from
the old country.

Roughly translated.

[clears throat]

♪ When you're feeling
sad and glum ♪

♪ Put some lufsa
on your trousers ♪

♪ Ilamas,
chickens in your basement ♪

[clucking]

[groans]

Hmm.

Milk, feather,

Entertainment.

[laughs]

[groans]

What's that?

Some one's at the door?

Hey, kick.

Your old friend, mr. Belly face,

Is here to cheer you up.

I'm so jiggly.

Look at me.

[groans]

[sighs] i give up.

[man] the cheetah
can reach speeds

Up to 75 miles per hour.

Look at that.

I can control the
tv with my butt.

[remote clicks]

[announcer] sunday,
sunday, sunday.

Meet billy stumps in person.

Meet billy stumps?
[remote clicks]

[announcer] coming up
next, teena sometimes.

Sometimes a princess.
Sometimes a spy.

But always a teen sensation.

Turn it back, turn it back!
[remote clicks]

[announcer] it's the
monster truck extravaganza.

Sponsored by cheetah chug.

The only drink made from
the sweat of real cheetahs.

[cheetah snarls]

Don't miss the 90
foot truck dive,

The mullet contest,

And the car versus
bear competition.

[growls]

What about billy stumps?

[announcer] and
in our main event

Come see monster truck
legend, billy stumps.

[groaning]

[announcer] be
there as he attempts

To jump 27 campers,

The mellowbrook high
school marching band,

And pool of toxic waste.

[meows] [barks]

[announcer] we've
hidden one golden key

Inside a random can
of cheetah chug.

Find that key, and you will ride

Along side billy stumps.

Ride shotgun with billy stumps?

[engine roars]

I must find that key.

Come on, kick.

You probably have to
drink a bajillion cans

Of cheetah chug before
you find that key.

There's no way you could do it,

But i can.

Gunther,
i couldn't ask you to...

Kick, i'm gunther.

It's what i do.

♪ Gunther ♪

Wade.

[gulping]

Hey, hey, hey, it's danger dude

And the wingman.

Oh! One second.

Brain freeze.

[chuckles]

Evaded.

I want a brain freeze.

Dare to dream, wingman.
Dare to dream.

Now, what can i do you for?

I need all the cheetah chug you
got, wade.

I'm sorry, amigo,

But all of our chug
has been chug-a-lugged.

But worry not,

For the wade is here to help.

[hydraulic lift whirring]

I keep a secret chug
stash for emergencies.

You never know when
you're gonna have to jam.

Sweet.

How much do we owe you?

No, no, no.
It's on me, danger dude.

It's for the cause.

Giddyup.

[giggles]

[groans]

[giggles]

[cheetah snarl]

[clattering, snarling]

[burps]

Good work, gunther.

Chimichanga!

I'm trying out a
new catch phrase.

What do you think?

[vomits]

I don't know, i kind of like it.

Let's rock.

So how do we get to the arena?

Ouch.

Hmm. [snaps]

Mom and dad.

[dad] oh, sorry, son.

It's you sister's pageant night.

[blows raspberry]

Besides, those monster trucks
have all those horrible fumes.

Now, let's fix that pageant tan.

[coughs]

Brad.

Yeah, right.

I'm not helping you.

Some dillweed puked
all over my bike.

And when i find out who it
was, they're toast.

Bus.

No!

[groans]

[car horn honks]

[tires screech]

[horn blares]

Hey, hey,
you guys need a ride someplace?

Wade.

All right, all right,
buckle up, fellas,

Because we are gonna
be there in no time.

♪♪ [rock]

[tires screech]

[engine stalls, hisses]

Did not see that coming.

There's got to be a way.

Are you thinking
what i'm thinking?

Not likely.

How about now? Nope.

How about now?

Uhh.

Wade, pop the trunk.

Oh, yeah, trunk.

I was totally thinking that.

[chugs]

[cheetah snarl]

[roars]

That's how you
roll, danger dude.

Dang.

[male narrator]
properly motivated,

The cheetah can reach speeds
up to 75 miles per hour.

[announcer] hold on to
your spit buckets, folks.

It's time for the main event.

But it looks like no one

Found the golden key to
ride with billy stumps.

Wait!

Well, looky here.
We have a winner.

Congratulations, son.

I'm billy...

[tires screech]

Aw, biscuits.

♪♪ [out of tune]

[steam hissing]

[meows] [barks]

You.

You blew that jump and
totally wrecked my truck.

[all gasp]

And it was awesome!

[crowd cheers]

♪♪ [out of tune]

[fireworks popping]

You got the makings of a
daredevil, son.

What's your name?

Kick.

Kick buttowski.

Kick buttowski, folks!

[crowd cheers]

Kick, kick, i can see your...

Just let him have his moment.

[crowd cheers]

Chimichanga!

[engine cranking]

[wade] dang.