Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil (2010–2012): Season 1, Episode 2 - If Books Could Kill/There Will Be Nachos - full transcript

Kick and Gunther attempt to retrieve Kick's signed copy of Billy Stumps' biography after Gunther mistakenly returns the book to the library. The evil librarian attempts to stop them.

♪♪ [theme]

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick ♪ ♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪
♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick, kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪

♪ kick buttowski ♪


It's here.


Can't talk.
Gotta get to my room.

Can't talk.
Gotta get to the library.


Billy, it's just you and me now.

What the...

Whistling for boys?

This is gunther's book.





Hey, my book!

♪♪ [whistling]

Where you going?

To get my one-of-a-kind,

Greatest book in the world back.

Kick, no. Stop.

The librarian, she's evil.


She keeps anything you return.

One time,
i returned my sandwich,

And she wouldn't give it back.

Book, book, sandwich, book.



[librarian cackles] [screams]

It burns.

Ooh, a young reader.
How may i help you?

Hello, ma'am.

My friend dropped my book
in the night deposit.


And i need to get it back.

I'm sorry, dear.
The library's closed.

But it's only 12:00.

I said we're closed.

Pure, pure evil.

Want to go get ice creams?

Round one... librarian.

Mount up for round 2.

[gunther] don't let her catch
you, kick.

One time she tried turning
me into a bookmark.

But i just wanna get my sandwich back.
[librarian cackling]

That really happen?

No, but it could have.

Lower me down.

Up. Up.



[beep] i'm in.

The books depository
should be on your left.

Empty. Time to get serious.

Good luck, kick.

I don't need luck, gunther.

It just gets in my way.



I feel dizzy.

My buttowski sense is tingling.

Oh, i wish you hadn't come back.


[evil laughter]

No running in the library.


Aw, biscuits.




Everything in the
library belongs to me,

Including you.

Sorry, lady,
but it's checkout time.

She's good, but i'm better.

My book again!

[librarian] looking for this?


Clever girl.

Time for the final chapter.

Gunther, i'm going back in.

You're gonna need some clothes.

♪♪ [whistling]

Thanks, buddy.

No prob. Go get her.

Not on my watch.

Well played.





Got my book. Awesome.

There's a spider over there.

Jeez, kick,

I'm really sorry i got your
book stuck in a library.

Apology unnecessary.

Tonight was epic.


And one more thing.

My sandwich.


You may have won this
time, but you'll be back.

They always come
back to the library.

[cackling] [thunderclap]

♪♪ [hums]



[alarm clocks beeping]

Oh, yeah.

This is going to be the
"rockingest" party ever.



"Nachisos" à la bread, check.

Lights, check.

Watch it, dillweed.

Yeah, you better run.

I'll pound you into horse meat.

I got a million
things better to...

Hey, dillweed,
you took the wrong backpack again.


I'm good.

"You are invited to brad's
coolest party. Tonight."

You're having a party?

Zip it, dillweed.

Now remember, bradley... huh?

Yes, mother?

You're in charge while we're at
brianna's pageant this weekend.

Of course, mother.

You can count on me
for responsibility,

Oversight, and supervision.

Oh, and definitely no parties.

[kick mumbles]

We trust you, son.

[mr. Buttowski] and
lay off those nachos.


Thank you, father.

Good luck, brianna. Love you.

A parents-aren't-home party?
Even better.

How you doing?


Looking good, good-looking.

Notice anything missing?

That's right. Parents.

Time to make a splash.


[brad] dillweed.

It's party time.

Party time?


This party has a strict
no-dillweeds policy.

That means your loser
friend, too.

[gunther] hey.

No nachos?

Oh, there will be nachos.

There will be nachos.

No dillweeds with
mustaches, either.

Can't go through,
so we'll have to go over.


Maybe we should
just go to my house

And watch parties on tv.


Not tonight.

Tonight we crash this party.

And get some nachos.

[girl] could we just go?
[boy] this party is so lame.

[girl] let's go to a party with a pulse.
[boy] boring.

Hey, you guys having
a jamming time?

I can see you like
señorbrad's famous nachos.

Mmm, caliente.

Uh, enjoy.

[doorbell chimes]

All right! More party people.

Hang on, everyone.
We're about to raise the roof.

What? What?

[doorbell chiming]

Welcome to casa de... kick?

Release the beast.


No, you don't.

After you.

This party is, like, so lame.

Then it's time to
crank it up a notch.

Hey, hey,
did somebody say charades?

Two words.

Lame party.

Can you believe it?

The invite said
great music and food.

Let's go sit around for
hours and complain about it.

I was in.

For one brief moment, i was in.

Tell me what it's like
on the other side.

It was amazing, gunther.

Everything we ever
imagined and so much more.

We must crash that party.

But how?

Can't go over. Can't go through.

So we go under.

Who has two thumbs and loves
hot, bubbly water?

This guy.

I'm in.


We're out of here. This is lame.

Ladies, ladies,

Where are you going?

Anywhere but here.

But if you leave now,

You'll miss all the,
uh, door prizes.

Cell phone. Music player.

Uh, cash.

She's all done.

Fire it up.


I don't know, gunther.
Does it say party?

I thought you might
feel that way.

Where did you find light
sticks and a smoke machine?

Oh, fiddle faddle.

Where did my smoke machine
and light sticks go?

[boy] why is this party still going?
[girl] this stinks.

♪♪ [dance] [woman] ♪ yes ♪

Can you say, "hey, yo, hey, yo"?

I said, "hey, yo.
All the players in his house."

I know.
Who wants to play truth or dare?

I'll go first.

I dare everyone to boogie down.

♪ All the ladies in the house ♪


What? What?

What i do,
i do for little brothers everywhere.


Don't forget the nachos!


[all] what is that?

Aah! Alien!

That's no alien.
It's a dillweed.

And it's coming down.

Time to make a splash.

You... you destroyed everything.

And we got it all on video.

What? You don't plan

On putting this on the
internet, do you?

Too late.


Hey, is this the place

With that freaky,
cool flying nacho cheese kid

We saw on the internet?

That was awesome.

Yeah, we were just
sitting around for hours

Talking about how
great this party is.

Dude, that's because you
be bumping with the brad.

I got food,

Music, and the entertainment
is off the "hiz-ook".


♪♪ [rock]



You're out of nachos.

No problemo.
I'll just run to the store.

Keep it bumping, party people.

The brad will be right back.