Kenan (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Those Chops Pop - full transcript
Birdie, your bag's huge.
It's not good for you to carry
around all that weight.
And it's not good for you
to wheel your books around like
you're going to the airport.
Don't be that kid.
- Yeah, she's right.
- You don't want them calling you
Aubrey airlines
for the next five years.
Didn't they call you
sweaty Betty through college?
Hey, I told you that
in confidence.
Fine, I'll switch it out.
Hey, you want me to pick up
the girls from school today?
I think I finally figured out
which direction
the carpool lane goes.
- That's okay.
- Aubrey has debate
and this one signed up for
wrestling despite my wishes.
- Off the top ropes!
- Ah!
Make sure you do that
every time.
- Hey, Gary.
- Hey.
You want to go
down to the golf course
and pretend sneeze
at people's backswings?
Ah, I love doing that, man,
but no can do.
That fine teller
works at the bank today,
so I gotta go down there
and pretend to open an account
so I can "plan for my future."
Found a better bag.
Oh, well, yeah,
that's perfect.
She went and got
a bigger one?
- You're gonna get roasted.
- Let them talk.
You want me to come down
there and talk to them for ya?
No thanks.
Did you just offer
to confront some tweens?
- Oh, my god, no.
- That's crazy.
No, never mind.
- Uh, you good?
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm good.
I'm headed out myself.
- I got a... Big meeting.
- Oh.
- You have a business meeting?
- Yeah.
'Cause you're in your pj's,
and that means no undies.
Hmm.
Yeah, that's
an old negotiating strategy.
Really throws them
off their game.
Oh, if that's the case,
why don't I drop you off?
Yeah.
- Have a good meeting.
- Ha, pajama man.
Bye.
Ugh.
Put on some damn underwear!
*KENAN
Season 02 Episode 03
Episode Title: "Those Chops Pop"
Aired on: January 10, 2022.
All right, y'all,
huge announcement.
Guess who I booked
for tomorrow's show.
- My dad.
- Why would I book your dad?
- So we can meet.
- Yeah, no, look.
It's actually Atlanta's newest
candidate for mayor,
Regina Tyson.
Oh, she got my vote
'cause she fine as hell.
Gary.
It's not just about
her looks.
It's also her power and money,
and then looks.
Now, Kenan, there's gonna be
a lot of difficult
policy questions, so if you get
into the weeds, just do your...
Head scratching signal
to let me know
that you need me.
Uh, Mika, I think
I'll be fine.
I'm a bit of a policy wonk.
Uh, wasn't Obama
the only two times you voted?
No, I also voted for kanye.
And I haven't had to use
the head scratching signal
since the audience turned on me
for voting for kanye.
You know what
I'm talking about?
Yeah, they hated that
so much.
Yeah, that was worse than
when I came back from Jamaica
with my hair braided.
Mm, the audience did not
like that.
- No.
- Mm-mm.
- Neither did I.
- Don't do that again.
- I won't.
- I don't know, Mika.
I mean, everybody does
the in-studio politician thing.
It's boring, but Gary told me
about this new spot, I&w.
Maybe we do
the interview there,
and it seems like we got
our finger on what's hot.
Nothing says politics like
some sweet molasses pork chops.
They poppin'.
The streets are talking about
how those chops pop.
Okay, look, y'all,
it's way too late for that.
Okay, and plus,
if things go sideways
it's gonna be a PR disaster
come on.
It will work out.
You know it's me who always
makes it work out, right?
- Yeah, that's why we love you.
- So go on, get to worky-worky.
No, I am making
the executive producer decision
to do the interview in-studio,
periodt.
Oh, and she added the t.
- She sure did.
- She added that t, didn't she?
You know what, I think
I know a little something
about executive
producing myself,
so maybe slow your roll.
Oh, yeah, that's right,
you just executive produced
the reboot
of your old sitcom in LA.
What's the premiere date
for that again?
Mika, the show
is not moving forward
and that's why Kenan came back.
She's taking
a shot at me, Tami.
Oh.
Oh...
Well, I mean,
it's not a shot.
I just want to make sure that
this show doesn't wind up
like "cancelled ass
little boy."
Cancelled ass...
Oh, I got that one.
Because the show's called,
"grown ass little boy."
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, they say
explaining the joke
makes it less funny,
but I beg to differ.
- Yeah.
- Stop laughing at my brother!
It's all right.
- Cancelled on three.
- One, two, three.
- Cancelled!
- Cancelled!
That's fun.
'Cause his show
got cancelled.
♪ Okay, I'm bored
in the house ♪
♪ And I'm in the house bored,
bored ♪
♪ Bored in the house
and I'm in the house bored ♪
♪ And I'm bored in the...
In the house bored ♪
♪ Hey, bored, bored, bored
♪ Bored, bored, bored,
bored, bored, hey ♪
♪ Hey, I'm in the crib
like an infant ♪
♪ Snoop house shoes
getting down in the kitchen.
One more lap.
Gotta make the turn this time.
This is not supposed
to be a jump on formula one,
but he goes for it.
- Ow.
- ♪ Okay, I'm bored
♪ In the house
and I'm in the house bored ♪
♪ Bored in the house,
bored in the house ♪
♪ Bored in the house,
bored ♪
♪ I'm bored, bored, bored
♪ bored, bored, bored,
bored, bored, hey ♪
Hello, old friend.
Man, I can't believe you just
sat there fake laughing
while Mika clowned you
like that.
Yeah but I got her back.
Remember when I squinted
my eyes up real tight
and stared at her?
- She knew what was up.
- Yeah, okay.
For real though, man,
that was a lot of jokes
about your time away in LA.
I mean, what's up with that?
Classic power struggle,
man, you know?
She been on the throne
for so long, and now I'm back
and she's still trying
to act like the queen bee.
No, this feels personal, man.
Did y'all ever talk
about how you left things
when you bailed on the show
right when y'all were on
the precipice of smashing?
Yeah, man, we talked
about all of that,
and we been cool for months.
- Okay.
- Hey, guys, you're back.
How was your day?
Boy, mine was jam-packed.
- Rick, come on, man.
- Stop it.
We got ring cams
all over this damn house.
- Okay, fine.
- I was bored out of my mind.
Yeah.
Even my trusty old sax
didn't do it for me.
Yeah, you are missing
that after-sax glow.
Yeah, I don't know
what it is.
I think I lost
the passion for it.
Really, 'cause
our neighbor lady left a note.
And I quote,
"are you playing that sax
with your mouth or your ass?"
What?
- Give me that.
- That sax is my passion.
You just said it wasn't.
The relationship
between a musician
and his instrument
is complicated.
And this Loretta woman is not
getting in the way of that.
- You can bet that.
- Go do your thing, Rick.
Well, look, if you're right
and this thing with Mika
is a classic power struggle,
what you gonna do about it?
Attention, "wake up
with Kenan" staff and crew.
Please gather around.
Thank you very much.
It has been decided by me,
Kenan,
that the Regina Tyson interview
is going to be
taking place at I&w.
So it has been decreed,
so it shall be done.
Uh, no, it shall not.
We talked about this,
Kenan, remember?
Well, do you remember that
I have been doing television
since I was a child?
Because my parents
forced me to.
Wait.
That was like a burn
on our parents.
- Yeah, stay focused.
- My bad.
The point is,
I know what I'm doing.
Oh, is that right,
Mr. Everything-I-say-
comes-from-a-producer?
Is that what a producer does?
'Cause I could've sworn
all I see you doing is this.
"Um, quiet on the set,
everybody.
Quiet on the set even though
I'm the only one talking."
Oh, okay,
is that what we doing?
Here's how you talk.
"Hi, I'm Kenan.
"Thanks for waking up with me
and my million eye boogers
that keep getting stuck
in my makeup brushes."
Oh, are we doing job swap?
Hold on, I got one.
Crikey, mate.
Let's bring out the kangaroo,
but keep an eye out.
He's not just a jumper,
he's a humper.
- Whoo, Tami!
- Give her her own show.
What?
I'm portraying a fan of Tami.
Face it, Mika,
this is my house.
I mean, my name is on the wall.
Oh, that old thing?
Please.
Anybody can do your job.
In fact,
when you ran away to LA,
nobody noticed
until the cooking segment.
Mm, that's delicious.
So what do you think, Kenan?
Oh!
Well, I'm back now,
whether you missed me or not.
And the Regina interview
shall take place at I&w.
Fine, then you're
producing it yourself.
- Okay, wait, Mika. Mika.
- Mika, I'm sorry.
That my segment's gonna be
the hottest thing
you ever seen!
You know what,
y'all have fun.
I don't want to alarm anyone,
but we can't find the kangaroo.
Yeah, Pam, we're done
with that now.
Oh, man.
Uh. Excuse me.
For the millionth time,
I don't want solar panels.
No, actually, I'm Kenan's,
kind of, sort of,
still father-in-law, Rick,
and you must be Loretta
"can't stand good music" Lopez.
Oh, you must be
the sax player.
Don't you think
it's a little late in life
to take up an instrument?
That's funny.
No,
I'm a professional musician.
And I'll have you know
that my sultry sax playing
has led to three
of my marriages
and all of my affairs.
Well, it led me
to a migraine
and apparently to you living
in your son-in-law's basement.
It's a converted garage.
- ♪ Hey, ay.
- ♪ Stupid, stupid, stupid
- ♪ U-u-uptown boys
-'s nice, right?
I guess.
Wait, I&w stands
for liquor and waffles?
- Oh, sorry, pardon me.
- Kenan, great to meet you.
- You as well, chef Dave.
- And thanks for choosing us.
Listen, not to speak
out of turn or anything,
but I could've sworn when we
spoke on the phone last night,
you said it would be
less crowded
for the morning interview.
You can lift
your arms, right?
Then it's less crowded.
Good luck.
- Well, I mean, he right.
- It is less crowded.
I'm like a bird.
I'll set the camera
over here, I guess.
You know what,
this is gonna be great anyway.
- You know why?
- Why?
- 'Cause I'm producing it.
- Exactly right.
That's what
I'm talking about.
- Let's get it.
- Oh, there's Ms. Tyson.
- Ms. Tyson.
- Tyson!
- Hi.
- Just come right on over...
Oh, sorry, one second.
Whoa, looks like
there's a lot of birthdays
in the restaurant today.
Here we go... Yep.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
I see the caboose coming.
- Oh, it's all caboose.
- Yeah.
This is gonna be a disaster.
- You have a plan, right, Mika?
- Mm-hmm, god's plan.
He's the only one
looking out for Kenan now.
I wish he'd look out
for Pam like that.
That place has more tail
than a dogound.
Mika, think about the show.
Did Kenan think about me
when he left?
You mean think
about the show when he left?
- That's what I said.
- Mm-mm.
Seriously?
You got to run
out of air sometime.
I wouldn't count
on it, sister.
Why don't you go do that
slow karate somewhere else?
It's the ancient art
of tai chi, you dick.
And that's why people
who feed their pets
with their mouths
are playing a dangerous game.
Tami?
Still can't believe
that's a sport.
Next up, we go to Kenan
on location
with mayoral candidate
Regina Tyson
to hear about her plans
for our dear city.
Kenan?
Well, Regina, we're so happy
to have you here on the show.
- Oh, honored to be...
- Wherever this is.
Well, you have such an appeal
with young voters,
I figured we would go
to the source.
So first, I'd like
to talk to you about...
Are you ready to turn up?
Turn down! Every... turn down!
About the statue controversy.
- What was that?
- Tearing down the statues.
I'm sorry, what?
What are you gonna do
about the people who think...
The confederate generals
are great?
What the hell?
What an unfortunate time
for the music to stop.
Dj, drop the beat already, man.
Dang.
- I'm sorry.
- We seem to be having
some technical
difficulties here.
Why don't we rejoin
Pam and Tami in the studio
while we figure things out?
Uh, Tami?
I know seven is too old
to breastfeed,
but it really helps me
keep my weight down.
- Oh.
- Uh-oh.
I think they're back on us.
Over to you, Kenan.
- Thank you, Tami.
- Let's check in with Pam.
- Pam?
- We were just on Pam.
Back to Kenan.
Well thank you, Pam.
Oh, they're telling me that
we got to go to commercial,
so why don't we do that
and we'll be right back.
Oh, gross.
Oh. Ew.
- I'm sorry about that, ma'am.
- I'm sorry.
Can we please
go to commercial?
Okay, we're back from
commercial in four minutes.
I thought that went
really well.
- Are you stupid?
- Where's Mika Caldwell?
When she booked me,
she never mentioned
any of this.
Well, I'm sorry, but Mika
is not producing this segment,
I am, but don't worry.
I have a plan.
Hey, man, we need a plan.
- Are you stupid?
- We need a Mika.
I don't want to talk to Mika.
- Why?
- What are you not telling me?
- What am I not telling you?
- What's going on?
Oh, you want to know
what's going on?
Kenan, look, I've seen her
mad at you before,
but not enough
to ruin the show.
It gotta be about
what happened between y'all.
Man, I told you,
we hashed all that out.
- Oh, really?
- Okay.
Well, walk me through
the conversation y'all had.
All right, so when
I got back on day one...
Oh, hey, I'm back.
We cool?
Uh... Okay.
All right, now come on
and get you some of this
"welcome back, Kenan"
cake, girl.
- Okay.
- Come on.
See?
Man, what kind
of half-ass hashing is that?
It's not even a speck of hash.
- She said she was cool.
- That's how you gonna do, fam?
Man, no wonder
she's mad at you.
You haven't even
actually talked to her.
You always do this, bro.
You avoid having
the tough conversations
- until it blows up in your face.
- All right, fine.
- Okay, I will talk to Mika.
- Finally.
After the show,
later tonight.
Oh, my god.
Which would
probably be too late.
- Mm-hmm.
- Tomorrow's Saturday,
you know I don't want
to ruin anybody's weekend.
Why?
Monday,
"bridgerton" coming out,
so that's four weeks
gone right there.
- Four?
- You know what, note to self.
Remind me
to talk to Mika on tax day.
You wrong, fam.
You need to stop watching
"Bridgerton" for so long.
- Four weeks, damn.
- Waffles coming through.
- Oh, my.
- That's it.
I do a cooking segment
with her.
No, no, listen, it's gotta be
quieter in the kitchen, right?
So I'll just do a casual,
getting-to-know-you cooking
segment with the pork chops.
Regina, you're not Jewish
by any chance, are you?
- What?
- Or maybe perhaps Muslim?
Sir, we've gotten
some noise complaints.
According to the lady
next door,
you've been
"assaulting your neighbors
with white jazz."
So she's calling herself
a lady now, huh?
Look, I know we've had
a few bumps,
- but this is gonna be great.
- It better be.
I turned down Justin long's
podcast to be here.
Oh, I didn't know
he was from Atlanta.
He's not.
We're back
with Atlanta mayoral candidate
Regina Tyson,
and we're joined by I&w's,
chef Dave,
who is going to teach us
how to make his world famous...
It's more of a local thing.
Locally famous
sweet molasses pork chops.
I can't wait.
Well, luckily,
we don't have to.
Now?
Oh, so you're gonna want
to start with
your molasses marinade.
Whisk it for a good while.
Which gives us
a better opportunity
to get to know our guest
a little more.
So, Regina,
do you do much cooking?
Am I allowed to ask that?
I mean, I'm not asking
because you're a woman.
I mean, I'm in the kitchen too.
You know what, chef Dave here
is gonna be doing
all the cooking,
and he is a man, I think.
I'm not allowed
to ask that either.
Why don't you ask me about
my clean streets initiative?
Great idea. What is that?
I mean, I know what it is,
but maybe
our audience doesn't know.
So why don't you explain it
to us like I don't have someone
in my ear feeding me
pertinent facts and figures?
Like you're an idiot
who knows nothing
about me or my politics?
Yes, precisely.
Looks like he's seasoning
those chops with his dander.
No, he's doing
his head scratch thing.
Mm-hmm, I see it.
Let's talk about the history
of your name.
You're gonna help him, right?
I mean,
it's such a great name.
You got Regina hall,
Regina king,
Gina from "Martin"...
Was that short for Regina?
You know,
that show could use a reboot.
Would you have
any say in that as a mayor?
I really don't know
what naming all the reginas
has to do with solving our
city's homelessness problem.
How's that pork coming along,
chef Dave?
I literally just put it in.
Oh, well, let me take a look.
Yeah, it smells done
to me, player.
Let's get it on out of there.
Oh, I wouldn't. That's not...
- Whoo! All right.
- That's not fully cooked.
- No, it's fine.
- It's fine.
You think
everything's fine, huh?
Well, why don't you prove it
by tasting that fine pork chop?
- But...
- You said it's fine, right?
Go on, eat the chop.
- Yeah, sure.
- I mean, it's fine.
Pork is like fish, right?
I mean, you can eat it raw.
- Can't you, right?
- Uh...
- You straight... I got this.
- Thank you.
Mmm.
- Oh, no.
- I'm sorry.
Mika, I need you. I'm sorry.
I should've talked to you
about us
when I first got back,
but please don't make me eat
this pink-ass pork.
I don't want to boo-boo
on TV again.
What happ... what'd I say?
♪ I see a vision,
so beautiful ♪
Man, what am I gonna do?
Regina's segment was supposed
to be, like, 45 minutes.
- How much time is left?
- Um, let me see. 48 minutes.
Jimmy Dean pulled
their commercial midway through
when you started about
getting sick off raw pork.
I messed up.
Yeah, I think
we established that.
Yo, man,
you're on in 60 seconds.
- What do I do?
- Ooh.
Take your licks, playboy.
- That's it?
- Man, I don't know.
- Mika.
- What?
- Rick Ross' "Hustlin'" plays...
- ♪ Everyday, I'm hustlin'
♪ Everyday I'm, everyday I'm,
everyday I'm hustling ♪
♪ Who you suckers think
you're tripping with? ♪
♪ Yes, I'm the boss
♪ 745, white-on-white
♪ That's Rick Ross
♪ I cut them wide,
I cut them long ♪
♪ I cut them fat,
I keep them coming back ♪
♪ I cut them wide,
♪ We keep them coming back
♪ Tell them that,
more cars ♪
♪ More cars,
more hoes ♪
♪ More hoes,
more clothes ♪
♪ More clothes,
more blows ♪
♪ Everyday I'm hustlin',
everyday I'm ♪
Come on.
Thank you and sorry.
Hey,
it's a Christmas miracle.
And we're live
in three, two...
We're back with Regina Tyson.
Now, in your initiative
for the unhoused,
you outline some resources
that will be readily available
for those in need
under you mayorship.
Why don't you tell us
more about that?
Yes, we'd set up programs
that would help veterans
with accessible therapy
and medical treatment.
Hey.
You owe me 75 bucks.
How dare you
call the music cops on me?
- Wow, he gave you a ticket.
- I asked him to arrest you.
All I wanted to do was
have a little joy in my day
with some sax.
- Fine.
- Fine, play your sax.
I don't care.
- Fine.
- Fine, I will
Your garden
looks like.
You just love
fighting with me, don't you?
Yeah, I think I do.
This retirement crap's
kind of boring, isn't it?
Oh, the worst.
I don't even like tai chi.
- Iced tea?
- Sugar-free?
You'll drink what I give you.
Perfect.
75 bucks.
All right, head back
to the station.
- Okay.
- Appreciate this.
Hey.
So, uh, thanks for that.
Look, I know
that apology was late
and weird and on TV.
We both know today
wasn't about whose show it is.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry I bailed on you,
but I was scared
taking our relationship
to the next level
would just ruin our friendship.
And so instead
of telling me that,
you ran away to la?
Yeah-huh, that's right.
And what was your excuse
for not telling me
once you got back?
- Again fear.
- Look, I'm sorry.
I just... I wanted us
to go back to the way we were.
I don't want to lose you.
You're my closest friend.
Aww, Kenan.
Are you stupid?
I mean, I'm starting
to think I might be.
Close friends
talk to each other.
What you did was selfish
and moronic and idiotic.
All right, well,
those are just a lot
of silly names for dumb,
but no, totally fair.
And look, maybe I was
going off on you a little
'cause I was waiting for you
to talk to me about things
and I was just tired
of pretending
like nothing was wrong.
- You deserve better.
- I do.
Truth be told, I'm glad
nothing happened between us
because you are
a ball of red flags.
This exchange alone.
I mean, come on.
There's a way
to do things, Kenan.
- You know what I mean?
- I get it.
So then, we cool?
Actually, we are.
- Mm-mm, I am tired of this.
- I'm sick of it.
You're tearing
this family apart.
Y'all need to make up
right now.
I say, right now.
- We just did.
- We just did it, Gary.
Oh. Oh, cool.
If you'll excuse me,
I had some chops earlier.
I feel a number three
coming on.
- Oh.
- Number three?
That's one
and then put two on top.
- On top.
- No, that's not good.
- Hey, Gary, you all right?
- Wow.
Why did you eat
that pork, man?
It's not good for you to carry
around all that weight.
And it's not good for you
to wheel your books around like
you're going to the airport.
Don't be that kid.
- Yeah, she's right.
- You don't want them calling you
Aubrey airlines
for the next five years.
Didn't they call you
sweaty Betty through college?
Hey, I told you that
in confidence.
Fine, I'll switch it out.
Hey, you want me to pick up
the girls from school today?
I think I finally figured out
which direction
the carpool lane goes.
- That's okay.
- Aubrey has debate
and this one signed up for
wrestling despite my wishes.
- Off the top ropes!
- Ah!
Make sure you do that
every time.
- Hey, Gary.
- Hey.
You want to go
down to the golf course
and pretend sneeze
at people's backswings?
Ah, I love doing that, man,
but no can do.
That fine teller
works at the bank today,
so I gotta go down there
and pretend to open an account
so I can "plan for my future."
Found a better bag.
Oh, well, yeah,
that's perfect.
She went and got
a bigger one?
- You're gonna get roasted.
- Let them talk.
You want me to come down
there and talk to them for ya?
No thanks.
Did you just offer
to confront some tweens?
- Oh, my god, no.
- That's crazy.
No, never mind.
- Uh, you good?
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm good.
I'm headed out myself.
- I got a... Big meeting.
- Oh.
- You have a business meeting?
- Yeah.
'Cause you're in your pj's,
and that means no undies.
Hmm.
Yeah, that's
an old negotiating strategy.
Really throws them
off their game.
Oh, if that's the case,
why don't I drop you off?
Yeah.
- Have a good meeting.
- Ha, pajama man.
Bye.
Ugh.
Put on some damn underwear!
*KENAN
Season 02 Episode 03
Episode Title: "Those Chops Pop"
Aired on: January 10, 2022.
All right, y'all,
huge announcement.
Guess who I booked
for tomorrow's show.
- My dad.
- Why would I book your dad?
- So we can meet.
- Yeah, no, look.
It's actually Atlanta's newest
candidate for mayor,
Regina Tyson.
Oh, she got my vote
'cause she fine as hell.
Gary.
It's not just about
her looks.
It's also her power and money,
and then looks.
Now, Kenan, there's gonna be
a lot of difficult
policy questions, so if you get
into the weeds, just do your...
Head scratching signal
to let me know
that you need me.
Uh, Mika, I think
I'll be fine.
I'm a bit of a policy wonk.
Uh, wasn't Obama
the only two times you voted?
No, I also voted for kanye.
And I haven't had to use
the head scratching signal
since the audience turned on me
for voting for kanye.
You know what
I'm talking about?
Yeah, they hated that
so much.
Yeah, that was worse than
when I came back from Jamaica
with my hair braided.
Mm, the audience did not
like that.
- No.
- Mm-mm.
- Neither did I.
- Don't do that again.
- I won't.
- I don't know, Mika.
I mean, everybody does
the in-studio politician thing.
It's boring, but Gary told me
about this new spot, I&w.
Maybe we do
the interview there,
and it seems like we got
our finger on what's hot.
Nothing says politics like
some sweet molasses pork chops.
They poppin'.
The streets are talking about
how those chops pop.
Okay, look, y'all,
it's way too late for that.
Okay, and plus,
if things go sideways
it's gonna be a PR disaster
come on.
It will work out.
You know it's me who always
makes it work out, right?
- Yeah, that's why we love you.
- So go on, get to worky-worky.
No, I am making
the executive producer decision
to do the interview in-studio,
periodt.
Oh, and she added the t.
- She sure did.
- She added that t, didn't she?
You know what, I think
I know a little something
about executive
producing myself,
so maybe slow your roll.
Oh, yeah, that's right,
you just executive produced
the reboot
of your old sitcom in LA.
What's the premiere date
for that again?
Mika, the show
is not moving forward
and that's why Kenan came back.
She's taking
a shot at me, Tami.
Oh.
Oh...
Well, I mean,
it's not a shot.
I just want to make sure that
this show doesn't wind up
like "cancelled ass
little boy."
Cancelled ass...
Oh, I got that one.
Because the show's called,
"grown ass little boy."
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, they say
explaining the joke
makes it less funny,
but I beg to differ.
- Yeah.
- Stop laughing at my brother!
It's all right.
- Cancelled on three.
- One, two, three.
- Cancelled!
- Cancelled!
That's fun.
'Cause his show
got cancelled.
♪ Okay, I'm bored
in the house ♪
♪ And I'm in the house bored,
bored ♪
♪ Bored in the house
and I'm in the house bored ♪
♪ And I'm bored in the...
In the house bored ♪
♪ Hey, bored, bored, bored
♪ Bored, bored, bored,
bored, bored, hey ♪
♪ Hey, I'm in the crib
like an infant ♪
♪ Snoop house shoes
getting down in the kitchen.
One more lap.
Gotta make the turn this time.
This is not supposed
to be a jump on formula one,
but he goes for it.
- Ow.
- ♪ Okay, I'm bored
♪ In the house
and I'm in the house bored ♪
♪ Bored in the house,
bored in the house ♪
♪ Bored in the house,
bored ♪
♪ I'm bored, bored, bored
♪ bored, bored, bored,
bored, bored, hey ♪
Hello, old friend.
Man, I can't believe you just
sat there fake laughing
while Mika clowned you
like that.
Yeah but I got her back.
Remember when I squinted
my eyes up real tight
and stared at her?
- She knew what was up.
- Yeah, okay.
For real though, man,
that was a lot of jokes
about your time away in LA.
I mean, what's up with that?
Classic power struggle,
man, you know?
She been on the throne
for so long, and now I'm back
and she's still trying
to act like the queen bee.
No, this feels personal, man.
Did y'all ever talk
about how you left things
when you bailed on the show
right when y'all were on
the precipice of smashing?
Yeah, man, we talked
about all of that,
and we been cool for months.
- Okay.
- Hey, guys, you're back.
How was your day?
Boy, mine was jam-packed.
- Rick, come on, man.
- Stop it.
We got ring cams
all over this damn house.
- Okay, fine.
- I was bored out of my mind.
Yeah.
Even my trusty old sax
didn't do it for me.
Yeah, you are missing
that after-sax glow.
Yeah, I don't know
what it is.
I think I lost
the passion for it.
Really, 'cause
our neighbor lady left a note.
And I quote,
"are you playing that sax
with your mouth or your ass?"
What?
- Give me that.
- That sax is my passion.
You just said it wasn't.
The relationship
between a musician
and his instrument
is complicated.
And this Loretta woman is not
getting in the way of that.
- You can bet that.
- Go do your thing, Rick.
Well, look, if you're right
and this thing with Mika
is a classic power struggle,
what you gonna do about it?
Attention, "wake up
with Kenan" staff and crew.
Please gather around.
Thank you very much.
It has been decided by me,
Kenan,
that the Regina Tyson interview
is going to be
taking place at I&w.
So it has been decreed,
so it shall be done.
Uh, no, it shall not.
We talked about this,
Kenan, remember?
Well, do you remember that
I have been doing television
since I was a child?
Because my parents
forced me to.
Wait.
That was like a burn
on our parents.
- Yeah, stay focused.
- My bad.
The point is,
I know what I'm doing.
Oh, is that right,
Mr. Everything-I-say-
comes-from-a-producer?
Is that what a producer does?
'Cause I could've sworn
all I see you doing is this.
"Um, quiet on the set,
everybody.
Quiet on the set even though
I'm the only one talking."
Oh, okay,
is that what we doing?
Here's how you talk.
"Hi, I'm Kenan.
"Thanks for waking up with me
and my million eye boogers
that keep getting stuck
in my makeup brushes."
Oh, are we doing job swap?
Hold on, I got one.
Crikey, mate.
Let's bring out the kangaroo,
but keep an eye out.
He's not just a jumper,
he's a humper.
- Whoo, Tami!
- Give her her own show.
What?
I'm portraying a fan of Tami.
Face it, Mika,
this is my house.
I mean, my name is on the wall.
Oh, that old thing?
Please.
Anybody can do your job.
In fact,
when you ran away to LA,
nobody noticed
until the cooking segment.
Mm, that's delicious.
So what do you think, Kenan?
Oh!
Well, I'm back now,
whether you missed me or not.
And the Regina interview
shall take place at I&w.
Fine, then you're
producing it yourself.
- Okay, wait, Mika. Mika.
- Mika, I'm sorry.
That my segment's gonna be
the hottest thing
you ever seen!
You know what,
y'all have fun.
I don't want to alarm anyone,
but we can't find the kangaroo.
Yeah, Pam, we're done
with that now.
Oh, man.
Uh. Excuse me.
For the millionth time,
I don't want solar panels.
No, actually, I'm Kenan's,
kind of, sort of,
still father-in-law, Rick,
and you must be Loretta
"can't stand good music" Lopez.
Oh, you must be
the sax player.
Don't you think
it's a little late in life
to take up an instrument?
That's funny.
No,
I'm a professional musician.
And I'll have you know
that my sultry sax playing
has led to three
of my marriages
and all of my affairs.
Well, it led me
to a migraine
and apparently to you living
in your son-in-law's basement.
It's a converted garage.
- ♪ Hey, ay.
- ♪ Stupid, stupid, stupid
- ♪ U-u-uptown boys
-'s nice, right?
I guess.
Wait, I&w stands
for liquor and waffles?
- Oh, sorry, pardon me.
- Kenan, great to meet you.
- You as well, chef Dave.
- And thanks for choosing us.
Listen, not to speak
out of turn or anything,
but I could've sworn when we
spoke on the phone last night,
you said it would be
less crowded
for the morning interview.
You can lift
your arms, right?
Then it's less crowded.
Good luck.
- Well, I mean, he right.
- It is less crowded.
I'm like a bird.
I'll set the camera
over here, I guess.
You know what,
this is gonna be great anyway.
- You know why?
- Why?
- 'Cause I'm producing it.
- Exactly right.
That's what
I'm talking about.
- Let's get it.
- Oh, there's Ms. Tyson.
- Ms. Tyson.
- Tyson!
- Hi.
- Just come right on over...
Oh, sorry, one second.
Whoa, looks like
there's a lot of birthdays
in the restaurant today.
Here we go... Yep.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
I see the caboose coming.
- Oh, it's all caboose.
- Yeah.
This is gonna be a disaster.
- You have a plan, right, Mika?
- Mm-hmm, god's plan.
He's the only one
looking out for Kenan now.
I wish he'd look out
for Pam like that.
That place has more tail
than a dogound.
Mika, think about the show.
Did Kenan think about me
when he left?
You mean think
about the show when he left?
- That's what I said.
- Mm-mm.
Seriously?
You got to run
out of air sometime.
I wouldn't count
on it, sister.
Why don't you go do that
slow karate somewhere else?
It's the ancient art
of tai chi, you dick.
And that's why people
who feed their pets
with their mouths
are playing a dangerous game.
Tami?
Still can't believe
that's a sport.
Next up, we go to Kenan
on location
with mayoral candidate
Regina Tyson
to hear about her plans
for our dear city.
Kenan?
Well, Regina, we're so happy
to have you here on the show.
- Oh, honored to be...
- Wherever this is.
Well, you have such an appeal
with young voters,
I figured we would go
to the source.
So first, I'd like
to talk to you about...
Are you ready to turn up?
Turn down! Every... turn down!
About the statue controversy.
- What was that?
- Tearing down the statues.
I'm sorry, what?
What are you gonna do
about the people who think...
The confederate generals
are great?
What the hell?
What an unfortunate time
for the music to stop.
Dj, drop the beat already, man.
Dang.
- I'm sorry.
- We seem to be having
some technical
difficulties here.
Why don't we rejoin
Pam and Tami in the studio
while we figure things out?
Uh, Tami?
I know seven is too old
to breastfeed,
but it really helps me
keep my weight down.
- Oh.
- Uh-oh.
I think they're back on us.
Over to you, Kenan.
- Thank you, Tami.
- Let's check in with Pam.
- Pam?
- We were just on Pam.
Back to Kenan.
Well thank you, Pam.
Oh, they're telling me that
we got to go to commercial,
so why don't we do that
and we'll be right back.
Oh, gross.
Oh. Ew.
- I'm sorry about that, ma'am.
- I'm sorry.
Can we please
go to commercial?
Okay, we're back from
commercial in four minutes.
I thought that went
really well.
- Are you stupid?
- Where's Mika Caldwell?
When she booked me,
she never mentioned
any of this.
Well, I'm sorry, but Mika
is not producing this segment,
I am, but don't worry.
I have a plan.
Hey, man, we need a plan.
- Are you stupid?
- We need a Mika.
I don't want to talk to Mika.
- Why?
- What are you not telling me?
- What am I not telling you?
- What's going on?
Oh, you want to know
what's going on?
Kenan, look, I've seen her
mad at you before,
but not enough
to ruin the show.
It gotta be about
what happened between y'all.
Man, I told you,
we hashed all that out.
- Oh, really?
- Okay.
Well, walk me through
the conversation y'all had.
All right, so when
I got back on day one...
Oh, hey, I'm back.
We cool?
Uh... Okay.
All right, now come on
and get you some of this
"welcome back, Kenan"
cake, girl.
- Okay.
- Come on.
See?
Man, what kind
of half-ass hashing is that?
It's not even a speck of hash.
- She said she was cool.
- That's how you gonna do, fam?
Man, no wonder
she's mad at you.
You haven't even
actually talked to her.
You always do this, bro.
You avoid having
the tough conversations
- until it blows up in your face.
- All right, fine.
- Okay, I will talk to Mika.
- Finally.
After the show,
later tonight.
Oh, my god.
Which would
probably be too late.
- Mm-hmm.
- Tomorrow's Saturday,
you know I don't want
to ruin anybody's weekend.
Why?
Monday,
"bridgerton" coming out,
so that's four weeks
gone right there.
- Four?
- You know what, note to self.
Remind me
to talk to Mika on tax day.
You wrong, fam.
You need to stop watching
"Bridgerton" for so long.
- Four weeks, damn.
- Waffles coming through.
- Oh, my.
- That's it.
I do a cooking segment
with her.
No, no, listen, it's gotta be
quieter in the kitchen, right?
So I'll just do a casual,
getting-to-know-you cooking
segment with the pork chops.
Regina, you're not Jewish
by any chance, are you?
- What?
- Or maybe perhaps Muslim?
Sir, we've gotten
some noise complaints.
According to the lady
next door,
you've been
"assaulting your neighbors
with white jazz."
So she's calling herself
a lady now, huh?
Look, I know we've had
a few bumps,
- but this is gonna be great.
- It better be.
I turned down Justin long's
podcast to be here.
Oh, I didn't know
he was from Atlanta.
He's not.
We're back
with Atlanta mayoral candidate
Regina Tyson,
and we're joined by I&w's,
chef Dave,
who is going to teach us
how to make his world famous...
It's more of a local thing.
Locally famous
sweet molasses pork chops.
I can't wait.
Well, luckily,
we don't have to.
Now?
Oh, so you're gonna want
to start with
your molasses marinade.
Whisk it for a good while.
Which gives us
a better opportunity
to get to know our guest
a little more.
So, Regina,
do you do much cooking?
Am I allowed to ask that?
I mean, I'm not asking
because you're a woman.
I mean, I'm in the kitchen too.
You know what, chef Dave here
is gonna be doing
all the cooking,
and he is a man, I think.
I'm not allowed
to ask that either.
Why don't you ask me about
my clean streets initiative?
Great idea. What is that?
I mean, I know what it is,
but maybe
our audience doesn't know.
So why don't you explain it
to us like I don't have someone
in my ear feeding me
pertinent facts and figures?
Like you're an idiot
who knows nothing
about me or my politics?
Yes, precisely.
Looks like he's seasoning
those chops with his dander.
No, he's doing
his head scratch thing.
Mm-hmm, I see it.
Let's talk about the history
of your name.
You're gonna help him, right?
I mean,
it's such a great name.
You got Regina hall,
Regina king,
Gina from "Martin"...
Was that short for Regina?
You know,
that show could use a reboot.
Would you have
any say in that as a mayor?
I really don't know
what naming all the reginas
has to do with solving our
city's homelessness problem.
How's that pork coming along,
chef Dave?
I literally just put it in.
Oh, well, let me take a look.
Yeah, it smells done
to me, player.
Let's get it on out of there.
Oh, I wouldn't. That's not...
- Whoo! All right.
- That's not fully cooked.
- No, it's fine.
- It's fine.
You think
everything's fine, huh?
Well, why don't you prove it
by tasting that fine pork chop?
- But...
- You said it's fine, right?
Go on, eat the chop.
- Yeah, sure.
- I mean, it's fine.
Pork is like fish, right?
I mean, you can eat it raw.
- Can't you, right?
- Uh...
- You straight... I got this.
- Thank you.
Mmm.
- Oh, no.
- I'm sorry.
Mika, I need you. I'm sorry.
I should've talked to you
about us
when I first got back,
but please don't make me eat
this pink-ass pork.
I don't want to boo-boo
on TV again.
What happ... what'd I say?
♪ I see a vision,
so beautiful ♪
Man, what am I gonna do?
Regina's segment was supposed
to be, like, 45 minutes.
- How much time is left?
- Um, let me see. 48 minutes.
Jimmy Dean pulled
their commercial midway through
when you started about
getting sick off raw pork.
I messed up.
Yeah, I think
we established that.
Yo, man,
you're on in 60 seconds.
- What do I do?
- Ooh.
Take your licks, playboy.
- That's it?
- Man, I don't know.
- Mika.
- What?
- Rick Ross' "Hustlin'" plays...
- ♪ Everyday, I'm hustlin'
♪ Everyday I'm, everyday I'm,
everyday I'm hustling ♪
♪ Who you suckers think
you're tripping with? ♪
♪ Yes, I'm the boss
♪ 745, white-on-white
♪ That's Rick Ross
♪ I cut them wide,
I cut them long ♪
♪ I cut them fat,
I keep them coming back ♪
♪ I cut them wide,
♪ We keep them coming back
♪ Tell them that,
more cars ♪
♪ More cars,
more hoes ♪
♪ More hoes,
more clothes ♪
♪ More clothes,
more blows ♪
♪ Everyday I'm hustlin',
everyday I'm ♪
Come on.
Thank you and sorry.
Hey,
it's a Christmas miracle.
And we're live
in three, two...
We're back with Regina Tyson.
Now, in your initiative
for the unhoused,
you outline some resources
that will be readily available
for those in need
under you mayorship.
Why don't you tell us
more about that?
Yes, we'd set up programs
that would help veterans
with accessible therapy
and medical treatment.
Hey.
You owe me 75 bucks.
How dare you
call the music cops on me?
- Wow, he gave you a ticket.
- I asked him to arrest you.
All I wanted to do was
have a little joy in my day
with some sax.
- Fine.
- Fine, play your sax.
I don't care.
- Fine.
- Fine, I will
Your garden
looks like.
You just love
fighting with me, don't you?
Yeah, I think I do.
This retirement crap's
kind of boring, isn't it?
Oh, the worst.
I don't even like tai chi.
- Iced tea?
- Sugar-free?
You'll drink what I give you.
Perfect.
75 bucks.
All right, head back
to the station.
- Okay.
- Appreciate this.
Hey.
So, uh, thanks for that.
Look, I know
that apology was late
and weird and on TV.
We both know today
wasn't about whose show it is.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry I bailed on you,
but I was scared
taking our relationship
to the next level
would just ruin our friendship.
And so instead
of telling me that,
you ran away to la?
Yeah-huh, that's right.
And what was your excuse
for not telling me
once you got back?
- Again fear.
- Look, I'm sorry.
I just... I wanted us
to go back to the way we were.
I don't want to lose you.
You're my closest friend.
Aww, Kenan.
Are you stupid?
I mean, I'm starting
to think I might be.
Close friends
talk to each other.
What you did was selfish
and moronic and idiotic.
All right, well,
those are just a lot
of silly names for dumb,
but no, totally fair.
And look, maybe I was
going off on you a little
'cause I was waiting for you
to talk to me about things
and I was just tired
of pretending
like nothing was wrong.
- You deserve better.
- I do.
Truth be told, I'm glad
nothing happened between us
because you are
a ball of red flags.
This exchange alone.
I mean, come on.
There's a way
to do things, Kenan.
- You know what I mean?
- I get it.
So then, we cool?
Actually, we are.
- Mm-mm, I am tired of this.
- I'm sick of it.
You're tearing
this family apart.
Y'all need to make up
right now.
I say, right now.
- We just did.
- We just did it, Gary.
Oh. Oh, cool.
If you'll excuse me,
I had some chops earlier.
I feel a number three
coming on.
- Oh.
- Number three?
That's one
and then put two on top.
- On top.
- No, that's not good.
- Hey, Gary, you all right?
- Wow.
Why did you eat
that pork, man?