Kacha Ze (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Episode #2.2 - full transcript
Eating out with the kids. That's as fun as it sounds.
Well?
Significant Other
Here you go.
Is there a table not near the...?
-No, it's booked solid.
If one opens up...?
-I don't think it will.
But if it does?
-It won't.
She's got some nerve!
-Never mind.
Dad, it stinks here.
Then stop farting.
-I didn't fart.
You smelt it, you dealt it.
-You dealt it!
Stop! -Say sorry. -No!
-Say you're stupid.
You're stupid.
Dad!
-Knock it off!
Gili, let go of his arm!
Tell him to apologize.
Apologize.
-Don't wanna!
So she'll break your arm.
-Fine, I'm sorry.
He apologized, let go!
-I want him to mean it.
Enough, Gili. -Sorry!
-Gili, stop!
What's with you two?
I want a different table.
-They'll move us soon.
She said they can't. -She said maybe.
-She didn't say that.
She said, if something opens up.
-She said it won't.
Did she speak to me or you?
What are you ordering?
I want chips.
They don't serve chips,
it's Asian.
But Israel is in Asia.
-Israel is in Europe, moron.
You're a moron!
-Enough swearing!
She started it!
-I don't care. Stop!
You kids wanna share
or order separately?
I want my own.
-I'm not hungry.
Not hungry?
What did you eat today?
She's anorexic.
-Shut up, bigmouth.
You're anorexic?
-I wish.
Gili, look me in the eye.
Are you anorexic?
Do I look anorexic?
Mind your own business.
Anorexic...
-Enough already!
Can't we ever have
a nice outing together?
Wanna share with me?
-I'll share with you.
You said you're not hungry.
-That's why I wanna share.
Do you mind? -No problem,
'll order number 18.
Me too.
So you two can share.
I was gonna order two dishes
and share, not one.
Daddy,
I want to share only with you.
Fine, so I'll share with all of you.
-Cool. -Okay?
So we'll both order
the number 18.
We can't order the same dish twice.
-Why not?
It's a waste.
-A waste of what?
I want chips.
-They don't serve chips, moron.
Better to be a moron than fat.
-Shut up! -Knock it off!
One more peep
and we're outta here!
Play with your cell phones.
Hello.
Told you they serve chips.
Did you want some too?
-Never mind.
You want?
Thanks.
Too bad.
Nice!
-Put it back in the bowl.
Put it all back in the bowl!
-What?
Fine, no more restaurants
for you!
You'll miss going to restaurants!
I'm through with you kids!
Dad, wake me up tomorrow
at 6:30 to study for an exam.
When's the exam?
-Tomorrow, duh...
You have an exam tomorrow?
-Yes, but all I need is a "C".
I'm not even sure
what we'll be tested on.
I mean,
we studied 5 chapters in class,
but last exam, our idiot teacher
said we'd be tested on "Kings"
chapters 17, 18, 19, 21,22,
and "Jeremiah" 1,2...
1,2, 20, 28, 22, okay?
And we ended up being tested
on "Kings" 17, 18, 19, 20, 21,22...
17, 18, 19, 21,22,
23, 25...
23, 25... and chapters 1 and 2
of "Jeremiah",
she added chapter 12,
plus chapter 20, 28, 22 and 21,
and also...
chapter 31, I think.
Pull over, I'll get cigarettes.
I've got.
-Not enough.
Anyway, nobody but Nofar
studied for this exam.
Like, what else does Nofar
have in life?
I asked everyone in school...
-You go, I'll come later.
I'll wait for you.
It's okay, I'll come later.
I'll just hop out...
-Dad, are you listening?
Hold on!
-You listening?
You could've been back by now.
-5 minutes.
Anyway...
-You sure? -Yes.
You sure? -Yes, go.
-Okay.
Dad...-What?
-Just wake me up at 6:30.
I will.
-Good.
Damn it.
Damn what, Dad?
Son of a bitch!
Is he blocking you?
Go upstairs.
Can I stay here?
-Come, learn something.
Your mom says I don't educate you,
so come see
how to treat a jerk
who blocks your parking spot.
But you honked,
he might come down.
He pisses on our heads,
we'll show him it's a boomerang.
How is it a boomerang?
-Never mind that.
This is the tire valve, okay?
You twist the cap off,
and let the air out.
Hear that hiss?
-Yes.
It'll take forever.
Look for a match, a toothpick
or a branch,
to stick inside the valve.
Such bastards in this country.
The day you turn 18
I'm dumping you at your mom's
and leaving this shitty country!
Find something?
Will this do?
Great.
Stick it here.
See?
To make sure air is coming out,
you spit on your finger...
See the bubbles? -Yes.
It means air is coming out,
you can move on to the next tire.
Isn't this risky, Dad?
No. This piece of shit will never
block anyone ever again.
Go do the other side.
Wait, take this.
Hey, what are you doing?
See for yourself.
-Would you stop?
Is this your car?
-Yes, what are you doing?
What am I doing?!
-I parked the car for a minute, big deal.
That's everyone's excuse!
It's criminal. -So is blocking my spot,
so call the cops, jerk!
It's just for a sec, I'm a neighbor.
-Yeah, right.
Who are you visiting?
-I live here.
Well, I've never
seen you here before.
I can't believe this.
-And if I weren't in a good mood
I'd smash all your mirrors too!
Why do I have to return at night
and have my spot taken?!
I pay for this spot!
Go get your own!
I was here for a minute.
-I don't care,
What if something
happened to my kids?
What would I tell them
if it were an emergency,
if one of them
were sick or injured?
"Sorry you're bleeding, dear,
let's wait for the guy to move the car"?!
But your car wasn't here,
you were away.
What if I were parked
and wanted to get out?
Then I wouldn't have blocked! you,
but I saw it was open,
figured I can park here for a moment.
-So what if it open?
Do I go inside your home if your door
is open? At least leave a note!
Dad, he left a note.
Butt out and go upstairs!
You put a note in a visible place,
with clear handwriting,
not this messy scribble!
Could you please just move your car
so I can leave?
Fuck that!
Now I'll make you wait!
Hey, Shlomi, how're you?
-Okay.
You know him?
He's our downstairs neighbor.
Is something wrong?
Want me to move the car?
I thought we'd have a nice
dinner together, laugh, talk...
No you didn't.
You're right.
Don't worry, we're never
taking them out again.
Okay.
-Shitty kids.
I was wrong insisting on joint custody.
Not worth the money.
I could've seen them once
every two weeks at a pizzeria.
Think how cool it is
not to have kids at all.
You've made the best choice.
What episode are we at?
6, I think.
-No, we've seen 6.
I did, anyway. You fell asleep.
-Did not. -Did too.
You even snored.
But I watched that episode.
-What happens in it?
She kisses his brother.
That's episode 5.
She gets drafted?
What's that?
Motorcycle.
-No, it's a siren.
Siren?
-Yes.
Fuck, it's a siren, let's go.
Must be a mistake.
-Come on, it's a siren!
It's probably nothing.
-Come on!
Then come to the hallway
for nothing. -What for?
So we don't get hit by a rocket.
-Who are you to get hit by a rocket?
Just come, will you?
Come with me, please.
Come!
This is so embarrassing.
-Sorry about that.
Any booms?
No, nothing.
We'll hear one soon.
Oh, man...
Come down one stair.
"Hear, O, Israel..."
Dad, what's going on?
Sit down.
You forgot us.
-We didn't forget you!
Sit down!
-You forgot us!
Gili, now's not the time,
come down here!
I can't believe you forgot us.
-Stop arguing about it.
Would you forget me in the car if
I were a baby? -Is this really the time?!
Let's argue after I get hit by a rocket!
-Come down here!
Gili, you're an adult,
you should know
that adults don't constantly
think about their kids.
Finally, someone tells it like it is.
-Are we gonna die, Dad?
Relax, you really think we're
gonna get killed by a rocket?
No. -Correct. Think you're
so special that it'll hit you?
No. -There you go.
Okay, I guess we can...
Yikes!
-Guess it wasn't a false alarm.
Open area, right?
-Was that a boom? -You bet,
one heck of a boom, too.
Wow, that was close.
Okay, it's over,
can we leave?
We have to wait 10 minutes.
-Why? -That's what they say.
Why rush?
You wanna get hit by shrapnel?
Anything on the news?
What do they say?
"A siren was sounded", yes.
Look, I apologize about earlier.
-No, I apologize.
No, it's me, I know it sucks.
It's alright. Bygones.
I just really had to use the bathroom.
I don't do these things,
you can ask my wife.
Ask me what?
Why I had to rush upstairs.
Oh, it's been like that for
the last two weeks, must be a bug.
He pees out of his ass.
-I filled him in.
It's alright, we're good.
If you ever need to,
and it's open, you can park there.
No, it's fine.
I have my own parking spot.
Still, be my guest.
Thanks.
Yam,
apologize to our neighbor.
He flattened your front tire.
-The rear.
The rear.
That's my son.
-It's okay, it happens.
Shake his hand like a real man.
It's fine.
-Sorry.
Cute kid.
Okay, I think we can go inside.
Okay, good night.
Hope we have a peaceful night.
Good night.
-Good night.
Thank God..
Disgusting nation...
We're nasty to each
other the whole year,
make shady deals,
scam, steal,
have road rage,
diss the southerners,
the lesbians,
the cripples,
we're at each other's throats,
scams, talkbacks,
gossip,
contractors,
cutting in line...
disgusting nation.
But as soon as the siren sounds,
everyone's nice,
caring,
offering water.
United.
All we have left is the hardships
that unite us.
We should thank the rocket attacks,
nothing else unites us.
When else are we nice to each other?
Together?
Nobody even watches TV together
anymore, only the hardships unite us.
Disgusting.
What a nation...
The chosen people, my ass.
A nation of cock-suckers.
Are you sleeping
Gili, open up,
I need to shower!
I just went in.
-I don't care!
Finish your eat corn flakes! -I have time.
-No, you're late for the bus!
Let me finish!
-Get up, you had enough!
Get up! -Wait.
Gili, out!
Fine, give me a sec!
Want me to break the door in?!
I'm out, okay?!
Relax!
Don't get fresh with me!
You relax!
And go change,
you're not wearing that.
I don't have anything else.
-You're not wearing that.
Wear what you wore yesterday.
-It's in the laundry!
Then wear something of mine.
-I'm not wearing your clothes.
Gili, you're not wearing that!
-Fine!
Go put your shoes on!
-Hold on...
Move it!
Get out, I'm getting dressed
Let her get dressed!
-I'm getting my shoes!
Gili, move it!
I'm putting my jeans on!
Whatever you have on
is enough! Move!
Before I break this door as well!
-Coming!
Put your shoes on already!
Get your bag, grab a sandwich...
Where's my bag?
-Take your bag.
What's inside?
-Shit and bananas!
Here, take a sandwich!
Bye. -Bye, darlings.
-Bye, Dad.
No, no, no!
Come.
Give me a bite.
stud
Here, eat your sandwich.
-Yuck, no...
Then why did I make them?
Dad, can I have some coffee?
Significant Other
Here you go.
Is there a table not near the...?
-No, it's booked solid.
If one opens up...?
-I don't think it will.
But if it does?
-It won't.
She's got some nerve!
-Never mind.
Dad, it stinks here.
Then stop farting.
-I didn't fart.
You smelt it, you dealt it.
-You dealt it!
Stop! -Say sorry. -No!
-Say you're stupid.
You're stupid.
Dad!
-Knock it off!
Gili, let go of his arm!
Tell him to apologize.
Apologize.
-Don't wanna!
So she'll break your arm.
-Fine, I'm sorry.
He apologized, let go!
-I want him to mean it.
Enough, Gili. -Sorry!
-Gili, stop!
What's with you two?
I want a different table.
-They'll move us soon.
She said they can't. -She said maybe.
-She didn't say that.
She said, if something opens up.
-She said it won't.
Did she speak to me or you?
What are you ordering?
I want chips.
They don't serve chips,
it's Asian.
But Israel is in Asia.
-Israel is in Europe, moron.
You're a moron!
-Enough swearing!
She started it!
-I don't care. Stop!
You kids wanna share
or order separately?
I want my own.
-I'm not hungry.
Not hungry?
What did you eat today?
She's anorexic.
-Shut up, bigmouth.
You're anorexic?
-I wish.
Gili, look me in the eye.
Are you anorexic?
Do I look anorexic?
Mind your own business.
Anorexic...
-Enough already!
Can't we ever have
a nice outing together?
Wanna share with me?
-I'll share with you.
You said you're not hungry.
-That's why I wanna share.
Do you mind? -No problem,
'll order number 18.
Me too.
So you two can share.
I was gonna order two dishes
and share, not one.
Daddy,
I want to share only with you.
Fine, so I'll share with all of you.
-Cool. -Okay?
So we'll both order
the number 18.
We can't order the same dish twice.
-Why not?
It's a waste.
-A waste of what?
I want chips.
-They don't serve chips, moron.
Better to be a moron than fat.
-Shut up! -Knock it off!
One more peep
and we're outta here!
Play with your cell phones.
Hello.
Told you they serve chips.
Did you want some too?
-Never mind.
You want?
Thanks.
Too bad.
Nice!
-Put it back in the bowl.
Put it all back in the bowl!
-What?
Fine, no more restaurants
for you!
You'll miss going to restaurants!
I'm through with you kids!
Dad, wake me up tomorrow
at 6:30 to study for an exam.
When's the exam?
-Tomorrow, duh...
You have an exam tomorrow?
-Yes, but all I need is a "C".
I'm not even sure
what we'll be tested on.
I mean,
we studied 5 chapters in class,
but last exam, our idiot teacher
said we'd be tested on "Kings"
chapters 17, 18, 19, 21,22,
and "Jeremiah" 1,2...
1,2, 20, 28, 22, okay?
And we ended up being tested
on "Kings" 17, 18, 19, 20, 21,22...
17, 18, 19, 21,22,
23, 25...
23, 25... and chapters 1 and 2
of "Jeremiah",
she added chapter 12,
plus chapter 20, 28, 22 and 21,
and also...
chapter 31, I think.
Pull over, I'll get cigarettes.
I've got.
-Not enough.
Anyway, nobody but Nofar
studied for this exam.
Like, what else does Nofar
have in life?
I asked everyone in school...
-You go, I'll come later.
I'll wait for you.
It's okay, I'll come later.
I'll just hop out...
-Dad, are you listening?
Hold on!
-You listening?
You could've been back by now.
-5 minutes.
Anyway...
-You sure? -Yes.
You sure? -Yes, go.
-Okay.
Dad...-What?
-Just wake me up at 6:30.
I will.
-Good.
Damn it.
Damn what, Dad?
Son of a bitch!
Is he blocking you?
Go upstairs.
Can I stay here?
-Come, learn something.
Your mom says I don't educate you,
so come see
how to treat a jerk
who blocks your parking spot.
But you honked,
he might come down.
He pisses on our heads,
we'll show him it's a boomerang.
How is it a boomerang?
-Never mind that.
This is the tire valve, okay?
You twist the cap off,
and let the air out.
Hear that hiss?
-Yes.
It'll take forever.
Look for a match, a toothpick
or a branch,
to stick inside the valve.
Such bastards in this country.
The day you turn 18
I'm dumping you at your mom's
and leaving this shitty country!
Find something?
Will this do?
Great.
Stick it here.
See?
To make sure air is coming out,
you spit on your finger...
See the bubbles? -Yes.
It means air is coming out,
you can move on to the next tire.
Isn't this risky, Dad?
No. This piece of shit will never
block anyone ever again.
Go do the other side.
Wait, take this.
Hey, what are you doing?
See for yourself.
-Would you stop?
Is this your car?
-Yes, what are you doing?
What am I doing?!
-I parked the car for a minute, big deal.
That's everyone's excuse!
It's criminal. -So is blocking my spot,
so call the cops, jerk!
It's just for a sec, I'm a neighbor.
-Yeah, right.
Who are you visiting?
-I live here.
Well, I've never
seen you here before.
I can't believe this.
-And if I weren't in a good mood
I'd smash all your mirrors too!
Why do I have to return at night
and have my spot taken?!
I pay for this spot!
Go get your own!
I was here for a minute.
-I don't care,
What if something
happened to my kids?
What would I tell them
if it were an emergency,
if one of them
were sick or injured?
"Sorry you're bleeding, dear,
let's wait for the guy to move the car"?!
But your car wasn't here,
you were away.
What if I were parked
and wanted to get out?
Then I wouldn't have blocked! you,
but I saw it was open,
figured I can park here for a moment.
-So what if it open?
Do I go inside your home if your door
is open? At least leave a note!
Dad, he left a note.
Butt out and go upstairs!
You put a note in a visible place,
with clear handwriting,
not this messy scribble!
Could you please just move your car
so I can leave?
Fuck that!
Now I'll make you wait!
Hey, Shlomi, how're you?
-Okay.
You know him?
He's our downstairs neighbor.
Is something wrong?
Want me to move the car?
I thought we'd have a nice
dinner together, laugh, talk...
No you didn't.
You're right.
Don't worry, we're never
taking them out again.
Okay.
-Shitty kids.
I was wrong insisting on joint custody.
Not worth the money.
I could've seen them once
every two weeks at a pizzeria.
Think how cool it is
not to have kids at all.
You've made the best choice.
What episode are we at?
6, I think.
-No, we've seen 6.
I did, anyway. You fell asleep.
-Did not. -Did too.
You even snored.
But I watched that episode.
-What happens in it?
She kisses his brother.
That's episode 5.
She gets drafted?
What's that?
Motorcycle.
-No, it's a siren.
Siren?
-Yes.
Fuck, it's a siren, let's go.
Must be a mistake.
-Come on, it's a siren!
It's probably nothing.
-Come on!
Then come to the hallway
for nothing. -What for?
So we don't get hit by a rocket.
-Who are you to get hit by a rocket?
Just come, will you?
Come with me, please.
Come!
This is so embarrassing.
-Sorry about that.
Any booms?
No, nothing.
We'll hear one soon.
Oh, man...
Come down one stair.
"Hear, O, Israel..."
Dad, what's going on?
Sit down.
You forgot us.
-We didn't forget you!
Sit down!
-You forgot us!
Gili, now's not the time,
come down here!
I can't believe you forgot us.
-Stop arguing about it.
Would you forget me in the car if
I were a baby? -Is this really the time?!
Let's argue after I get hit by a rocket!
-Come down here!
Gili, you're an adult,
you should know
that adults don't constantly
think about their kids.
Finally, someone tells it like it is.
-Are we gonna die, Dad?
Relax, you really think we're
gonna get killed by a rocket?
No. -Correct. Think you're
so special that it'll hit you?
No. -There you go.
Okay, I guess we can...
Yikes!
-Guess it wasn't a false alarm.
Open area, right?
-Was that a boom? -You bet,
one heck of a boom, too.
Wow, that was close.
Okay, it's over,
can we leave?
We have to wait 10 minutes.
-Why? -That's what they say.
Why rush?
You wanna get hit by shrapnel?
Anything on the news?
What do they say?
"A siren was sounded", yes.
Look, I apologize about earlier.
-No, I apologize.
No, it's me, I know it sucks.
It's alright. Bygones.
I just really had to use the bathroom.
I don't do these things,
you can ask my wife.
Ask me what?
Why I had to rush upstairs.
Oh, it's been like that for
the last two weeks, must be a bug.
He pees out of his ass.
-I filled him in.
It's alright, we're good.
If you ever need to,
and it's open, you can park there.
No, it's fine.
I have my own parking spot.
Still, be my guest.
Thanks.
Yam,
apologize to our neighbor.
He flattened your front tire.
-The rear.
The rear.
That's my son.
-It's okay, it happens.
Shake his hand like a real man.
It's fine.
-Sorry.
Cute kid.
Okay, I think we can go inside.
Okay, good night.
Hope we have a peaceful night.
Good night.
-Good night.
Thank God..
Disgusting nation...
We're nasty to each
other the whole year,
make shady deals,
scam, steal,
have road rage,
diss the southerners,
the lesbians,
the cripples,
we're at each other's throats,
scams, talkbacks,
gossip,
contractors,
cutting in line...
disgusting nation.
But as soon as the siren sounds,
everyone's nice,
caring,
offering water.
United.
All we have left is the hardships
that unite us.
We should thank the rocket attacks,
nothing else unites us.
When else are we nice to each other?
Together?
Nobody even watches TV together
anymore, only the hardships unite us.
Disgusting.
What a nation...
The chosen people, my ass.
A nation of cock-suckers.
Are you sleeping
Gili, open up,
I need to shower!
I just went in.
-I don't care!
Finish your eat corn flakes! -I have time.
-No, you're late for the bus!
Let me finish!
-Get up, you had enough!
Get up! -Wait.
Gili, out!
Fine, give me a sec!
Want me to break the door in?!
I'm out, okay?!
Relax!
Don't get fresh with me!
You relax!
And go change,
you're not wearing that.
I don't have anything else.
-You're not wearing that.
Wear what you wore yesterday.
-It's in the laundry!
Then wear something of mine.
-I'm not wearing your clothes.
Gili, you're not wearing that!
-Fine!
Go put your shoes on!
-Hold on...
Move it!
Get out, I'm getting dressed
Let her get dressed!
-I'm getting my shoes!
Gili, move it!
I'm putting my jeans on!
Whatever you have on
is enough! Move!
Before I break this door as well!
-Coming!
Put your shoes on already!
Get your bag, grab a sandwich...
Where's my bag?
-Take your bag.
What's inside?
-Shit and bananas!
Here, take a sandwich!
Bye. -Bye, darlings.
-Bye, Dad.
No, no, no!
Come.
Give me a bite.
stud
Here, eat your sandwich.
-Yuck, no...
Then why did I make them?
Dad, can I have some coffee?