Kacha Ze (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript
The neighbors are not alone but are not exactly together. Life continues to surprise them and they have to deal with it.
My husband was married
for 20 years before me. -Okay.
He and his ex
had a couple's burial plot.
So?
So? I don't want them
to be buried together.
It's just a grave. -But he left her,
why be buried with her?
He should be buried with me.
What do you care?
-What if there's an afterlife?
There's nothing.
-I respect your opinion...
Trust me, there's nothing. -Regardless,
I don't want to be lying there all alone.
He'll be with her while I'm alone?
No way.
You won't exist anymore.
-But people passing by their grave
will say: "They never parted,"
and then pass by mine,
see a grave of a lonely woman
and say: "She died alone."
I don't want that.
-Why do you care?
I do!
How long have we got left together?
20, 30 years?
And then he'll be buried
beside her forever.
No way. Life is short,
but death is long.
What if they both die before me?
I'd have to see their names together
every memorial day?
It makes no sense.
So sell your plot
and get a couple's plot.
Are you kidding?
There are no more plots left,
they extract bodies from their graves
to make room for the rich.
Now it's all..
-Towers.
Unless I want a civilian burial,
which I can't afford.
Those towers are such a drag.
-What do you care? You'll be dead.
Still, it's a drag.
Although you can buy 5 plots in a tower
for the price of one ground plot.
He'll never go for the tower.
Is there no room next to him?
-First of all, there isn't,
and even if there was,
I don't want her near me.
I want her and us buried separately,
it's not a threesome.
So explain it to him. -He's a brick wall,
says I'm exaggerating,
that it'll be convenient
for when their kids come to visit.
It's not like they're gonna die
on the same day,
their kids will have to come
twice a year anyway,
why do they have to be
in the same spot?
Kids are the ultimate excuse.
-I told him that.
And what did he say?
"Don't talk about my kids."
He hates when I bring them up.
I say: "You brought them up first!"
He says: "Okay, leave them outta this."
I say: "So if it's not about the kids,
"what is it?"
It's about her.
Of course.
But he won't admit it.
Cremation is the best.
Do you smell that?
Smells like weed.
I see them.
I'll do the talking.
- Significant Other -
Aren't you coming?
-I'm ready, let's go.
Very funny.
-What? I don't get it.
Is that what you're wearing?
-It's a casual house party.
No, you're not wearing that.
It's top fashion,
it's how the rich dress up.
Are you rich?
-Come on, it's nice.
Don't I look nice?
Go on.
Let's go.
-No, go dress up.
What? -I don't know,
but you can't wear this.
It'll grow on you, trust me.
You have to argue
about everything?
Wear something normal to wear.
For me.
Fine, only because I'm nice,
not a push-over.
"Nice" is your middle name.
Hurry up.
Wear heels.
-Got it.
Much better!
What?
Will nail polish take forever to dry?
-Come on...
Come here, you feminist.
-What?
Grab this six-pack.
Anyway, it's 4.5 rooms,
right, honey?
5 rooms.
There's an awesome view from the roof.
You won't see it
because we're not buying it.
How much?
-23,000 shekels per sq.m.
Wow, pricey!
-It was the going rate 10 years ago.
I can bargain him down to 22.
-Do it.
Honey, we're not buying it.
You can buy it as an investment.
I'll design it for you,
you'll throw in some furniture
and raise the value.
FYI, the last apartment you designed
was mine and Shelly's.
It came out nice.
-It brings good fortune.
It does.
Cheers.
Good luck!
Cheers!
-Congrats!
Good luck!
Folks, may we all get
one heck of a buzz!
Whoa, take it easy!
I told you to pace yourself.
We don't want to scrape you
off the floor like last time, Yoavi.
Like last time?
-Look at that goofball...
Don't tease me,
did it happen or not?
Watch it.
-Last time was awful.
That's right, Nati.
-It was. -You're right.
What did you do?
-What?
You talked to the moon.
-Bullshit!
You're all full of it,
I didn't get a buzz.
What's so funny?
Honey, it's natural
that you don't remember.
I remember everything.
-Sure you do. -You bet I do.
You got buzzed after an hour.
So did you, then you lost the buzz.
Hold on...
I forgot...
Let's drink up.
Sweetie, enough. -Why?
-Sunday is your...
It'll be outta my system by then.
What's happening on Sunday?
-A colonoscopy.
Congrats!
It's not a colonoscopy.
-What then?
A prostate check up.
Through your butt?
What's the difference? He's getting
medically probed up the butt.
Who's to say he won't enjoy it?
Do they actually stick a probe in?
Folks, "butt" out, will you?
Thank you.
We'll save room for a hose.
-Very funny.
I'm so tense,
I haven't slept in two weeks.
No, don't be tense,
you have to loosen up.
Care to tell us
about your experience?
I'll do you right now!
YOLO!
You're not doing it right.
Knock it off, it's not funny.
-Relax, they won't find anything.
There's something there,
I stuck my finger and felt...
They're friends, honey.
You got the buzz, Nati!
Listen, that's nothing.
I got... -Yeah?
-A colonoscopy up my dick.
Come on...
-Just hearing about it hurts.
You mean, they push a probe up your...?
-Yep.
It's more painful than contractions.
-Hey, don't compare.
Why not?
-You know nothing about it.
I'd rather fart out 3 babies
than have a dick colonoscopy.
Women get epidural shots.
-That doesn't help with the stitches.
Can we spare the gross details?
-Why is it gross?
It's gross, stop it.
Let's talk about Shlomi's butt again.
Here's to Shlomi's butt!
Switch!
Conga line!
Love this song
Folks, give it up
for our birthday boy Yoav!
And Ariel, in two weeks!
Ariel, Ariel!
And wish Shlomi good luck
on his colonoscopy!
Shlomi, Shlomi!
-Shlomi's butt!
I have a song
-Play it!
We're the best!
"Rain-bows"!.
Love this song
This is so much fun!
Take it off.
6 calls and 2 texts from Shelly.
"Where are you?"
But the kids are at your place.
What do I tell her?
-Don't answer.
I can't answer her.
-Ignore it.
What do I do?
-Nothing.
Hello?
What?
At home, where else?
I fell asleep, I missed your calls.
What?
Shelly, you're yelling,
I can't understand you.
What happened?
What?
Whoa...
I'm trippin'!
-Shhh...!
You're holding me, I'll be right there.
Fine.
Yam is here.
He's sleeping.
Of course
he can stay home alone.
Which police station?
Which station?
Bye.
What is it?
What a nightmare.
-What is it?
Gili was arrested for drugs.
-Arrested?
Don't, it's not water.
Drug trafficking?
We could've gotten some from her.
-Stop it, moron. Not funny.
I love us!
But is she okay?
Folks, I don't wanna ruin your party.
-We're coming with you.
Are you sure
you're not paranoid?
How will I drive now?
I'm totally shit-faced!
Can you make him some coffee?
-Orange juice is better.
I love us!
What do I do now?
How do I get there?
Leave your car here,
we'll bring it back tomorrow.
I can't do that, Shlomi, get real.
I'm not leaving the car here.
He can't drive now.
-It would be irresponsible.
Go take a shower, freshen up...
-Go take a shower.
Orange juice...
-The best thing is... -Oranges.
A peeled orange. -Orange.
-Forget that. Come here.
What? -Do a line.
-Shlomi, are you nuts?!
Shlomi, I'm totally buzzed!
-Hold on!
Calm down!
I'm totally dazed as it is, Shlomi.
-Do one line, it'll focus you.
Are you in? -Me? Okay.
-There, she'll join you.
Do a line,
you'll be as good as new.
Hold on, sweetie.
We rock!
One more.
Folks, I'm good.
Thanks a lot
for finally showing up.
You can leave,
she's staying with me tonight.
What? Where is she?
What happened?
Suddenly you care?
I called you 20 times!
6 times, actually.
What happened? Where is she?
You have her twice a week,
can't you be more responsible?
When you have her,
everything is fine?
When I have her,
she doesn't end up getting arrested
or wandering the streets
drugged up!
Drugged up? -Grass,
your daughter smoked grass.
Grass?!
French vanilla.
Thanks, darling.
What's up, Yoel?
-Yochai.
As good as it gets.
Cool yarmulke.
You know this type?
Camouflage, it's an old design.
Got it on eBay.
It's cool.
-Where was she arrested?
What for? Did they handcuff her?
Possession
and offending a public servant.
Who did she offend?
What did she say?
Nothing she picked up from me.
-"Fuck you, I don't give a fuck..."
Offensive.
-She's nothing but trouble.
She's better off with the police
compared to what I'll do to her.
I'll punish her way worse than you.
-Oh yeah? That'll be a first.
Just watch me!
-Watch you do what?
Buaron's parents?
-Me. -So are you.
Me too.
-Come.
I love you.
I love you too.
We should always be like this.
-That's right.
Do you two have a sex life?
What?
Do you have sex?
Yes.
Nice.
What's he like?
You're asking me
what's he like?
When I met Shelly,
she was inexperienced.
It surprised me, having to teach so much
to someone so attractive.
So I was just wondering
how their sex life was.
Ask her.
She's shy.
Yep.
Not in bed.
After I've opened her up...
She's too delicate to talk to me.
At all?
You don't talk at all?
Good question.
Thanks.
We don't really communicate
with words.
Yochai..
can I touch your yarmulke?
Sure.
Wow..
it's soft.
Were you busted too?
-Don't get cheeky!
You're in a lot of trouble!
Relax, nothing happened.
-Nothing happened?
You have a police record now, Gili,
do you understand?!
You have an open record
with the police!
Give me that phone.
-Give it back!
Are you insane?! -Whoa! Whoa!
-Learn to behave!
Can we tone it down?
We're at a police station.
What you did is very bad, Gili.
-Very bad! -As if you don't smoke weed.
I also shit and pee, missy!
You wanna do everything I do?
You smoke weed in front of her?
-Don't let her get to you.
The army won't draft you!
I'm not joining the army anyway.
You bet your ass you are!
You'll be a soldier!
That does it. I'm confiscating
your phone for two months!
Two months?!
-If it were up to me, it'd be longer!
Two months, young lady!
And I'm not done yet.
I still have to think
how to punish you!
And no driving lessons for two months!
-What?! -Two months!
And who will drive her places?
You?!
I can punish her too! Only you
can punish her while I stand here?!
Finally you decide to discipline.
-That's right!
I want to punish her too,
I'm done being nice!
Glad you've decided to discipline,
but don't do it at my expense. -Fine.
I discipline her all the time,
but then you undo everything.
Is that so? -Yes. -Then remind me
who's day it is with the kids,
while we're at the police station
with your stoned daughter?
Give me a break!
-Folks, think of the kid.
Two months?! What for?
Are you guys for real?!
It's because of you
that I got into drugs!
If you'd have stayed married,
I wouldn't have to get stoned!
You've traumatized me for life,
and it's all your fault!
Cut the drama, Gili.
-Gili, we know you already.
You don't know me at all.
-You bet we do.
Dad, what grade am I
-That's irrelevant!
You have no right to punish me.
-We have every right!
Go tell it to your friends,
they're all you care about!
I'm alone every night, Mom,
while you go out like a whore!
Watch your mouth!
You hear?!
The problem with this world is
you can't slap kids anymore.
Some kids are asking for it.
That's where they saying
"he was asking for it" came from.
She was asking for it,
so you gave it to her.
Why did I get
such a shitty daughter?
She was a shitty baby,
a shitty kid,
and she'll grow up to be
a shitty woman.
How did she turn out this way?
It's all her.
Okay, so what now?
Wanna go back to the party?
I won't fall asleep anyway.
We have no choice.
for 20 years before me. -Okay.
He and his ex
had a couple's burial plot.
So?
So? I don't want them
to be buried together.
It's just a grave. -But he left her,
why be buried with her?
He should be buried with me.
What do you care?
-What if there's an afterlife?
There's nothing.
-I respect your opinion...
Trust me, there's nothing. -Regardless,
I don't want to be lying there all alone.
He'll be with her while I'm alone?
No way.
You won't exist anymore.
-But people passing by their grave
will say: "They never parted,"
and then pass by mine,
see a grave of a lonely woman
and say: "She died alone."
I don't want that.
-Why do you care?
I do!
How long have we got left together?
20, 30 years?
And then he'll be buried
beside her forever.
No way. Life is short,
but death is long.
What if they both die before me?
I'd have to see their names together
every memorial day?
It makes no sense.
So sell your plot
and get a couple's plot.
Are you kidding?
There are no more plots left,
they extract bodies from their graves
to make room for the rich.
Now it's all..
-Towers.
Unless I want a civilian burial,
which I can't afford.
Those towers are such a drag.
-What do you care? You'll be dead.
Still, it's a drag.
Although you can buy 5 plots in a tower
for the price of one ground plot.
He'll never go for the tower.
Is there no room next to him?
-First of all, there isn't,
and even if there was,
I don't want her near me.
I want her and us buried separately,
it's not a threesome.
So explain it to him. -He's a brick wall,
says I'm exaggerating,
that it'll be convenient
for when their kids come to visit.
It's not like they're gonna die
on the same day,
their kids will have to come
twice a year anyway,
why do they have to be
in the same spot?
Kids are the ultimate excuse.
-I told him that.
And what did he say?
"Don't talk about my kids."
He hates when I bring them up.
I say: "You brought them up first!"
He says: "Okay, leave them outta this."
I say: "So if it's not about the kids,
"what is it?"
It's about her.
Of course.
But he won't admit it.
Cremation is the best.
Do you smell that?
Smells like weed.
I see them.
I'll do the talking.
- Significant Other -
Aren't you coming?
-I'm ready, let's go.
Very funny.
-What? I don't get it.
Is that what you're wearing?
-It's a casual house party.
No, you're not wearing that.
It's top fashion,
it's how the rich dress up.
Are you rich?
-Come on, it's nice.
Don't I look nice?
Go on.
Let's go.
-No, go dress up.
What? -I don't know,
but you can't wear this.
It'll grow on you, trust me.
You have to argue
about everything?
Wear something normal to wear.
For me.
Fine, only because I'm nice,
not a push-over.
"Nice" is your middle name.
Hurry up.
Wear heels.
-Got it.
Much better!
What?
Will nail polish take forever to dry?
-Come on...
Come here, you feminist.
-What?
Grab this six-pack.
Anyway, it's 4.5 rooms,
right, honey?
5 rooms.
There's an awesome view from the roof.
You won't see it
because we're not buying it.
How much?
-23,000 shekels per sq.m.
Wow, pricey!
-It was the going rate 10 years ago.
I can bargain him down to 22.
-Do it.
Honey, we're not buying it.
You can buy it as an investment.
I'll design it for you,
you'll throw in some furniture
and raise the value.
FYI, the last apartment you designed
was mine and Shelly's.
It came out nice.
-It brings good fortune.
It does.
Cheers.
Good luck!
Cheers!
-Congrats!
Good luck!
Folks, may we all get
one heck of a buzz!
Whoa, take it easy!
I told you to pace yourself.
We don't want to scrape you
off the floor like last time, Yoavi.
Like last time?
-Look at that goofball...
Don't tease me,
did it happen or not?
Watch it.
-Last time was awful.
That's right, Nati.
-It was. -You're right.
What did you do?
-What?
You talked to the moon.
-Bullshit!
You're all full of it,
I didn't get a buzz.
What's so funny?
Honey, it's natural
that you don't remember.
I remember everything.
-Sure you do. -You bet I do.
You got buzzed after an hour.
So did you, then you lost the buzz.
Hold on...
I forgot...
Let's drink up.
Sweetie, enough. -Why?
-Sunday is your...
It'll be outta my system by then.
What's happening on Sunday?
-A colonoscopy.
Congrats!
It's not a colonoscopy.
-What then?
A prostate check up.
Through your butt?
What's the difference? He's getting
medically probed up the butt.
Who's to say he won't enjoy it?
Do they actually stick a probe in?
Folks, "butt" out, will you?
Thank you.
We'll save room for a hose.
-Very funny.
I'm so tense,
I haven't slept in two weeks.
No, don't be tense,
you have to loosen up.
Care to tell us
about your experience?
I'll do you right now!
YOLO!
You're not doing it right.
Knock it off, it's not funny.
-Relax, they won't find anything.
There's something there,
I stuck my finger and felt...
They're friends, honey.
You got the buzz, Nati!
Listen, that's nothing.
I got... -Yeah?
-A colonoscopy up my dick.
Come on...
-Just hearing about it hurts.
You mean, they push a probe up your...?
-Yep.
It's more painful than contractions.
-Hey, don't compare.
Why not?
-You know nothing about it.
I'd rather fart out 3 babies
than have a dick colonoscopy.
Women get epidural shots.
-That doesn't help with the stitches.
Can we spare the gross details?
-Why is it gross?
It's gross, stop it.
Let's talk about Shlomi's butt again.
Here's to Shlomi's butt!
Switch!
Conga line!
Love this song
Folks, give it up
for our birthday boy Yoav!
And Ariel, in two weeks!
Ariel, Ariel!
And wish Shlomi good luck
on his colonoscopy!
Shlomi, Shlomi!
-Shlomi's butt!
I have a song
-Play it!
We're the best!
"Rain-bows"!.
Love this song
This is so much fun!
Take it off.
6 calls and 2 texts from Shelly.
"Where are you?"
But the kids are at your place.
What do I tell her?
-Don't answer.
I can't answer her.
-Ignore it.
What do I do?
-Nothing.
Hello?
What?
At home, where else?
I fell asleep, I missed your calls.
What?
Shelly, you're yelling,
I can't understand you.
What happened?
What?
Whoa...
I'm trippin'!
-Shhh...!
You're holding me, I'll be right there.
Fine.
Yam is here.
He's sleeping.
Of course
he can stay home alone.
Which police station?
Which station?
Bye.
What is it?
What a nightmare.
-What is it?
Gili was arrested for drugs.
-Arrested?
Don't, it's not water.
Drug trafficking?
We could've gotten some from her.
-Stop it, moron. Not funny.
I love us!
But is she okay?
Folks, I don't wanna ruin your party.
-We're coming with you.
Are you sure
you're not paranoid?
How will I drive now?
I'm totally shit-faced!
Can you make him some coffee?
-Orange juice is better.
I love us!
What do I do now?
How do I get there?
Leave your car here,
we'll bring it back tomorrow.
I can't do that, Shlomi, get real.
I'm not leaving the car here.
He can't drive now.
-It would be irresponsible.
Go take a shower, freshen up...
-Go take a shower.
Orange juice...
-The best thing is... -Oranges.
A peeled orange. -Orange.
-Forget that. Come here.
What? -Do a line.
-Shlomi, are you nuts?!
Shlomi, I'm totally buzzed!
-Hold on!
Calm down!
I'm totally dazed as it is, Shlomi.
-Do one line, it'll focus you.
Are you in? -Me? Okay.
-There, she'll join you.
Do a line,
you'll be as good as new.
Hold on, sweetie.
We rock!
One more.
Folks, I'm good.
Thanks a lot
for finally showing up.
You can leave,
she's staying with me tonight.
What? Where is she?
What happened?
Suddenly you care?
I called you 20 times!
6 times, actually.
What happened? Where is she?
You have her twice a week,
can't you be more responsible?
When you have her,
everything is fine?
When I have her,
she doesn't end up getting arrested
or wandering the streets
drugged up!
Drugged up? -Grass,
your daughter smoked grass.
Grass?!
French vanilla.
Thanks, darling.
What's up, Yoel?
-Yochai.
As good as it gets.
Cool yarmulke.
You know this type?
Camouflage, it's an old design.
Got it on eBay.
It's cool.
-Where was she arrested?
What for? Did they handcuff her?
Possession
and offending a public servant.
Who did she offend?
What did she say?
Nothing she picked up from me.
-"Fuck you, I don't give a fuck..."
Offensive.
-She's nothing but trouble.
She's better off with the police
compared to what I'll do to her.
I'll punish her way worse than you.
-Oh yeah? That'll be a first.
Just watch me!
-Watch you do what?
Buaron's parents?
-Me. -So are you.
Me too.
-Come.
I love you.
I love you too.
We should always be like this.
-That's right.
Do you two have a sex life?
What?
Do you have sex?
Yes.
Nice.
What's he like?
You're asking me
what's he like?
When I met Shelly,
she was inexperienced.
It surprised me, having to teach so much
to someone so attractive.
So I was just wondering
how their sex life was.
Ask her.
She's shy.
Yep.
Not in bed.
After I've opened her up...
She's too delicate to talk to me.
At all?
You don't talk at all?
Good question.
Thanks.
We don't really communicate
with words.
Yochai..
can I touch your yarmulke?
Sure.
Wow..
it's soft.
Were you busted too?
-Don't get cheeky!
You're in a lot of trouble!
Relax, nothing happened.
-Nothing happened?
You have a police record now, Gili,
do you understand?!
You have an open record
with the police!
Give me that phone.
-Give it back!
Are you insane?! -Whoa! Whoa!
-Learn to behave!
Can we tone it down?
We're at a police station.
What you did is very bad, Gili.
-Very bad! -As if you don't smoke weed.
I also shit and pee, missy!
You wanna do everything I do?
You smoke weed in front of her?
-Don't let her get to you.
The army won't draft you!
I'm not joining the army anyway.
You bet your ass you are!
You'll be a soldier!
That does it. I'm confiscating
your phone for two months!
Two months?!
-If it were up to me, it'd be longer!
Two months, young lady!
And I'm not done yet.
I still have to think
how to punish you!
And no driving lessons for two months!
-What?! -Two months!
And who will drive her places?
You?!
I can punish her too! Only you
can punish her while I stand here?!
Finally you decide to discipline.
-That's right!
I want to punish her too,
I'm done being nice!
Glad you've decided to discipline,
but don't do it at my expense. -Fine.
I discipline her all the time,
but then you undo everything.
Is that so? -Yes. -Then remind me
who's day it is with the kids,
while we're at the police station
with your stoned daughter?
Give me a break!
-Folks, think of the kid.
Two months?! What for?
Are you guys for real?!
It's because of you
that I got into drugs!
If you'd have stayed married,
I wouldn't have to get stoned!
You've traumatized me for life,
and it's all your fault!
Cut the drama, Gili.
-Gili, we know you already.
You don't know me at all.
-You bet we do.
Dad, what grade am I
-That's irrelevant!
You have no right to punish me.
-We have every right!
Go tell it to your friends,
they're all you care about!
I'm alone every night, Mom,
while you go out like a whore!
Watch your mouth!
You hear?!
The problem with this world is
you can't slap kids anymore.
Some kids are asking for it.
That's where they saying
"he was asking for it" came from.
She was asking for it,
so you gave it to her.
Why did I get
such a shitty daughter?
She was a shitty baby,
a shitty kid,
and she'll grow up to be
a shitty woman.
How did she turn out this way?
It's all her.
Okay, so what now?
Wanna go back to the party?
I won't fall asleep anyway.
We have no choice.