Joe vs. Carole (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Unwanted Animals - full transcript
A rivalry between a big cat rescuer and an exotic zoo operator threatens both of their livelihoods.
[ABBA's "Tiger" playing]
♪ ♪
♪ The city is a jungle ♪
♪ You better take care ♪
♪ Never walk alone
after midnight ♪
♪ If you don't believe it,
you better beware of me ♪
[doorbell rings] ♪
I am behind you ♪
♪ I always find you ♪
♪ I am the tiger ♪
♪ People who fear me,
never go near me ♪
♪ I am the tiger ♪
♪ The city is a nightmare,
a horrible dream ♪
♪ Some of us will
dream it forever ♪
♪ Look around the corner ♪
♪ And try not to
scream, it's me... ♪
Hello.
Carole Baskin?
♪ I am the tiger, tiger, tiger ♪
I'm Carole Baskin.
Well, we've never had a visit
from Fish and Wildlife before,
'cause our sanctuary
has a perfect record.
I'm sure whatever it is,
we'll be able to sort it out.
Uh, can I offer you something?
I'll take a coffee.
What, I can't ask for a coffee?
It's not about your sanctuary.
- Oh, okay.
- [laughs]
- Phew.
- We have reason to believe
a hitman has been
hired to murder you.
[ominous music]
Wh... what?
Does the name Joseph
Maldonado-Passage
mean anything to you?
Oh, my God.
- Jesus Christ.
- Mm-hmm.
Joe hired a hitman?
Yes.
- Joe can afford a hitman?
- [scoffs]
♪ ♪
Mrs. Baskin, do you know why
Mr. Maldonado-Passage would
engage a murder-for-hire?
Yes. He is a psychopath
who wishes me dead.
We've been in an ongoing
dispute with Joe.
Has he been charged?
We hope to have enough evidence
to charge him soon.
And, um,
where is the hitman?
We can't locate
him at the moment.
You lost the hitman?
Last we heard, he
was leaving Oklahoma.
- Mm-hmm.
- And where was he going?
Here.
- Here?
- [groans]
Well, I... I'm sorry.
I understand this must
be very hard for you.
What?
Oh, no, sorry, I
just didn't take
my medication yet today.
I'm... I'm allergic to cats.
[sniffs]
So I... I assume
that you two are here
to guard the house, then.
That's not really
something we do
at the Fish and
Wildlife Service.
Well, what's the plan?
We recommend you
take precautions.
- I don't... I don't understand.
- I'm sorry, I don't understand.
So what you're saying
is that someone
is currently on their
way here to murder me,
and there's nothing
you can do about it?
We thought you should know.
[chuckles]
[quirky percussive music]
[tiger growls]
[twangy country music]
♪ ♪
We need one for the car.
Mm-hmm. Two for the bedroom.
Mm-hmm. Like his and hers.
What kind of firearms
are you looking for?
I don't know.
I don't know
anything about guns.
We need something that will stop
a hitman in his tracks.
Okay.
Well, it doesn't get any
more reliable than a Glock.
- Reliable's good.
- Okay.
- How's that feel?
- I don't...
I also have a .357 Magnum
that I think you might like.
Christ.
Go ahead.
You all right?
- [sighs heavily]
- Yeah, I'm good.
No one's gonna hurt us, Carole.
He ordered my murder, Howard.
Like it was a pizza
from Little Caesars.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
[tense music]
How did it come to this?
♪ ♪
[revolver cylinder clicks]
["The Breaks" by Kurtis Blow]
♪ ♪
♪ Brakes on a bus,
brakes on a car ♪
♪ Breaks to make
you a superstar ♪
♪ Breaks to win and
breaks to lose ♪
♪ These here breaks
will rock your shoes ♪
♪ And these are the breaks ♪
♪ Break it up, break
it up, break it up ♪
[tiger growls]
♪ ♪
♪ If your woman steps
out with another man ♪
♪ That's the breaks,
that's the breaks ♪
♪ And she runs off
with him to Japan ♪
♪ That's the breaks,
that's the breaks ♪
♪ And the IRS says
they wanna chat ♪
0- ♪ That's the breaks,
that's the breaks ♪
♪ And you can't explain
why you claimed your cat ♪
- Morning, Carole.
- Thank you, Dan.
Hello.
- Status reports.
- Oh, you.
I need to see you in my office.
Did I do something wrong?
And get Valerie.
[murmured conversations]
Oh, gross. Look at my phone.
For crap's sake.
Uh, one of the cats
peed on your phone.
- Unless you want to confess.
- Oh, my aim's not that good.
[both chuckle]
On your feet.
Um, do you know
why I don't pay you
or any of the other
volunteers here?
Uh, well, it's a
nonprofit, so...
No.
It's that I don't
want mercenaries
at Big Cat Rescue.
I want patriots. You understand?
Absolutely.
My parents don't get
why I'm almost 30
and I'm working for free,
but I am 100% committed
to the cause.
I knew it.
That's why it is my honor
to present you with
this.
- Whoo!
- Oh, my God.
It's a big responsibility.
Our lynx and ocelots
will be very happy
to have you taking care of them.
- [chuckles]
- Congratulations.
You've earned it, Taylor.
It's, uh... it's Tyler.
No, it's not. It is?
- Yeah.
- Of course it is.
I get my vowels mixed up.
- Good job.
- Thank you.
And, uh...
Off you go.
- Oh. Uh, thank you.
- Okay.
Wear it well.
Whoops.
This is cr...
I think Mr. Mistoffelees
wants us to change
- our phone carrier.
- [laughs]
We've been in talks
with Mr. Jarrett
to rescue his tiger.
It appears to be
about four years old.
- He's a private owner?
- Yeah, in South Carolina.
- Thank you.
- Do we know
how recent the photo is? Or
if that's the actual cat?
No and no.
Do we know anything?
Just that Jarrett's
agreed to meet.
Okay.
I'll take care of
that one myself.
Um, what's next?
Status of animal abuse shows.
The two most recent shows are
Welch's Great Cat Adventure,
in Texas, and Corley's Exotics,
- Wisconsin.
- Anything on them?
No.
What are we supposed
to do, Carole?
We can't even ID the
people running these shows,
so how do we stop them?
Well, no one said it
was gonna be easy.
I haven't taken a day
off since I was 15.
[chuckles]
What they're counting on is
you getting tired of fighting.
Yeah.
Tiger in the wild can't take
a day off, though, right?
No.
Tiger in the wild can't
go to the pool and read a book.
Tiger in the wild's gotta be...
[clicks tongue] Laser-focused.
This whole life is a fight.
So, I don't know,
you want to take a day off
or you want to be a tiger?
All: Tiger.
I thought so.
What's Awakening Productions?
They're new.
We got a tip
they're doing a show
in Iowa this weekend.
Uh-huh. Well, looks like
we got an opportunity
to get ahead of this
one, let's take it.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Whoever you are,
we're coming for you.
♪ ♪
[sneezes]
[ZZ Top's "La Grange" playing]
♪ ♪
♪ Rumor spreading 'round ♪
♪ That Texas town ♪
♪ About that shack
outside La Grange ♪
♪ And you know what
I'm talkin' about ♪
♪ Just let me know
if you want to go ♪
♪ To that home
out on the range ♪
♪ They got a lot of nice girls ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Have mercy... ♪
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
please give a
warm, Iowa welcome,
to the one and only Joe Exotic.
♪ Well, I hear it's fine ♪
♪ If you've got the time ♪
♪ And the ten to
get yourself in ♪
♪ A hmm, hmm ♪
♪ And I hear it's tight ♪
♪ Most every night ♪
♪ But now I might be mistaken ♪
♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm ♪
♪ ♪
[cheering]
Welcome to the best
exotic animal show in
these United States.
[cheers and applause]
[laughs] Whoo!
I'm telling you,
folks, you're gonna see
animals like you
never seen 'em before,
up close and personal.
It'll be closer than that time
you walked in on Mom and Dad
and they said they
was just wrestling.
Sure looked like Dad was
winning though, didn't it?
[laughter]
I'm gonna introduce you
to a friend right now.
Cletus, come on out here.
Oh, I know.
This is how I like to
say hello to Cletus.
Thank you.
- All: Oh!
- Wow.
You know, Cletus might
kiss like he's French,
but I guaran-God-damn-tee
you he's 100% Arabian.
Right, Cletus? What? Huh?
Oh, my... Cletus said,
"Forget about all them
sheiks in the Middle East,
"there ain't no better
place to be in the world
than the Linn County
Fair with y'all."
[cheers and applause]
Joe!
Joe. Joe.
God d...
I want you to talk to Cletus,
he'll talk back to you
in his own special way.
I'll be right back.
The fuck is it? I'm
getting warmed up.
We got a problem.
[tiger groaning]
He's been throwing up.
Fuck. Just pump him full
of antibiotics and...
We gotta get him onstage.
- He can't go on, Joe.
- He's my headliner.
Well, he needs a vet.
So unless you can magically
pull a tiger out of your ass,
you're screwed.
[upbeat music]
[sheep bleats]
Joe! Got it.
Give me the orange,
give me the orange.
♪ ♪
Relax.
This gonna come out.
I think.
♪ ♪
Who wants to see a tiger
appear out of thin air?
[cheers and applause]
I can't hear you!
[cheering]
Well, all right. Your
wish is my command.
[cheering] [sheep bleats]
Yeah. [Chuckles]
Yeah, well, my friend
might be young,
but pretty soon
he's gonna be eating
333 pounds of meat a month.
That'll clean out
any McDonald's.
[dismayed muttering]
Huh?
[sheep bleats]
What's better than
seeing a tiger?
It's pettin' one.
Who's ready for the
next part of the show?
I know you are!
God damn it!
Mother fucking sheep.
Hey, kids, look how
cute this little guy is.
That'll be ten bucks, please.
Uh, that's each.
Small price to pay
for a once-in-a-lifetime
experience.
Are you real?
You bet your ass I am, darlin'.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
Take over.
♪ ♪
- What the hell?
- What's going on?
Get security.
♪ ♪
Hey! Get away from that cage!
You're mistreating this animal.
Your bosses at PETA
are wasting their time.
I ain't doing shit.
I don't work for PETA.
I'm with Big Cat Rescue.
Who?
Carole Baskin.
And you're going down.
Oh, yeah, I'm going
down, all right,
but your ugly ass ain't gonna be
on the other end of it.
Get her out of here.
You're disgusting.
Get... I can let myself out.
Thank you.
Do your boss a favor
and give her a message.
You don't want to
mess with Joe Exotic!
- Who's Carole Baskin?
- Hell if I know.
Come on, we got
a show to finish.
[tiger groans]
[garage door rumbling]
We got a deal?
- Oh, don't ask me.
- She's the boss.
[scoffs]
If you're having
second thoughts,
there's a roadside
zoo up in Tennessee
that will take him.
Him? It's a... [chuckles]
I'm sorry, it's
a... it's a girl.
Cat weighs 450, easy.
Yeah, but the paws
are too small,
and there's no ruff
around the neck.
Plus, she's got a
vagina, if you look.
Oh, man.
It's okay, sweetheart.
We're gonna get you out of here.
[tiger groaning]
It's okay.
Well?
Okay, so you said $5,000?
[chuckles]
Gonna need $10,000.
Now, hold on, just a minute.
This cat is purebred Siberian.
Uh-huh, oh.
Oh, my gosh, I didn't know.
Shoot.
Okay, can I see
your permit then?
'Cause you're selling
her across state lines,
and the Endangered Species
Act says you need a permit
if it's a purebred, so...
I'm sure you know that.
If you want, I can, um,
get Fish and Wildlife
to come down and help
us sort this out.
What's your problem, lady?
[sighs] My problem is
that I would like
one day of peace
on this Earth, sir.
But I can't have it,
because I keep having
to get into fights
with men like you
who take these
gorgeous wild animals
and put them in a cage
in their backyard,
so they can walk outside,
scratch their balls,
and think, "Whoa, look at me.
I got a tiger in my
backyard. I must be special."
You're not special, though.
You suck. Oh.
You suck.
Do you want the $5,000 or not?
[horn honking]
[rap music]
♪ ♪
Hey, honey, I'm home!
You look like hell, Joe.
I've been on the
road for two days.
What's your excuse?
Hey! New guy. John, is it?
- Yes, sir?
- How's the trailer?
- Comfortable?
- Yeah, real good, Mr. Exotic.
Thank you.
Mr. Exotic's my father's name.
- [chuckles]
- Okay, let's go
pick up some gear, and
take you to the shed.
Yes, sir.
Where did you learn
to take care of
all these different animals?
Oh, I'm a proud graduate
of Google university.
You can learn a lot from
the internet, you know?
Get a load of the
balls on this guy, huh.
Yeah, you're my bubba, aint you?
You're my... Yeah,
you thirsty, honey?
Yes, you are.
There you go.
I saved this monkey
from a shitty-ass circus
that went belly-up.
Lot of these animals
are rescues around here.
They're cross-eyed, or,
you know, missing a tail.
Zoos won't take 'em.
But I will.
Excuse me. [Groans]
Oh.
I still got it.
So why do those
animal rights people
want to stop you?
Ah, just a bunch
of dried up cows
picking on me 'cause
their husbands
can't get it up
for them anymore.
You know that they say
that cub breeders are evil?
That we get rid of our animals
after they're old and expensive?
Have you ever seen me do that?
- Well, I just started here.
- No!
- Oh.
- I got big plans.
I'm gonna take my tour national
so the whole world can love
on my beautiful babies.
[tiger groans] 'Cause
that's what I'm about.
My kids love me just
as much as I love them.
Want to see some shit?
Yeah.
My dream was always
to have a zoo.
- You want to know why?
- Yeah.
Because why would I want
to have a regular job...
[gate creaks]
When I can do this?
[tiger growls]
[tense music]
♪ ♪
What the fuck?
[tiger growls]
♪ ♪
The vet just finished up.
How's she looking?
Malnourished, ringworm.
We need to do a few more tests.
Yeah. Um
let's get her into the
quarantine building ASAP,
and have keepers available
for 24 hour observation.
Okay.
[sighs] Frick.
She's gonna be okay.
I know. She's a fighter.
That's the thing about cats...
[soft music]
Carol? Dinner.
You know, they start
out so innocent.
They have no idea what the world
can really be like.
♪ Baby, you know my
love for you is real ♪
♪ So take me where
you want to... ♪
[music slows and distorts]
But even if they leave home,
they still figure
out how to survive.
♪ ♪
[car door slams]
[engine turns over]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
What happened to them, it's
never gone from their mind.
But then those little kittens
have little kittens
of their own.
And life goes on.
I don't know what it is.
I just... I feel this need
to save them.
I really feel like I
was put on this Earth
to rescue cats.
[machines beeping]
I know, Mom.
I know you feel it too.
Sorry to interrupt.
We got video from our
volunteer in Iowa.
[tiger groaning]
Hey! Get away from there.
You're mistreating this animal.
I ain't doing shit.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Valerie! Round up.
Okay. We've been struggling
to shut down all these
disparate animal abuse shows.
But look, this is from
the video in Iowa.
What do you notice?
Besides that his mouth looks
like a little butthole.
Uh, the dog collar.
No. Look at the mullet.
Mullet. Okay.
Welch's Great Cat Adventure,
Texas.
The mullet.
Corley's Exotics, Wisconsin.
Alex Productions. World Magic.
Holy crap.
They're all the same person.
Yes. Exactly.
This is who we've been after.
This is our guy.
Crystal, after I trank Oscar,
you move him into
the new cage, okay?
All right.
I have to call my
parole officer back.
- Oh, yeah.
- If he wants to talk to me
I'll say whatever
you want me to,
you know that.
Thanks, Joe.
Joe!
That weirdo's back
at Ozzy's cage.
Shit.
One of those fucking animal
right God damn nut bags.
How you doing, buddy boy?
Hey!
Get your ass away
from that cage.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.
This is my damn zoo, don't
tell me to calm down.
What group you with?
I don't think I'm a
part of any group.
Unless you count Costco.
Real funny.
Thing is, if I don't get
right up next to the cage,
I can't give Ozzy his Twinkies,
and they just make
him so damn happy.
Twinkies upset his stomach.
Not banana flavor.
No shit.
Isn't that right, boy, baby boy?
[grizzly bear groans] Yeah.
You know, after I got
out of the hospital,
Ozzy here is the only
thing that cheered me up.
This zoo, uh...
This zoo saved me.
You need a bench or something?
I can stand just
as good as you can.
No offense.
Yeah, that's what everyone says
right after they tell
me the job ain't mine.
I mean, how would you
like it if you got dinged
for the funny way you talk?
- I don't talk funny.
- Yeah, okay.
- What happened?
- Zip line accident.
- Jesus.
- Yeah, I should've died.
I said goodbye to my
wife and everything.
Bet she's disappointed
you pulled through.
[laughs]
Yeah, fair enough.
- What's your name?
- John Reinke.
You want a job, John Reinke?
You serious?
- Joe!
- What?
[tense music]
Look.
Look at this sick tiger.
Sadly, he's one of
the many big cats
subjected to repeated abuse
by the most prolific
cat abuser around,
Joe Schreibvogel.
Together, we can
stop this monster.
It's that woman, Carole Baskin.
She's got a whole website
trying to take you down now.
Well, if she wants
to mess with me,
I can mess with her.
["If You Don't Know Me By
Now" by Simply Red playing]
One, left, two.
- You're getting better.
- No, I'm not.
I'm the worst
dancer in the world.
I hate this.
I absolutely hate that
you're making me do this.
- Oh, watch out.
- Wow, ow, ow.
I gotta go to work. I'm sorry.
[smooching]
Let's rehearse more after work.
Depends on how
masochistic I'm feeling.
Oops. [Phone ringing]
It's Donna. It's
one of my donors.
Mm-hmm.
Hello, Donna. How are you?
Uh-huh.
Okay, what website?
Hold on, let me
open up my trusty
computer here, hold on.
Okay.
What the heck?
Oh, my God.
What is this? I
don't understand.
This is not us.
D... hold on, Donna.
- How do you put it on mute?
- Oh.
- [phone beeps]
- Just that...
- Not that.
- That... that's a number.
What is that? That's speaker.
Shit. Donna? Donna?
Okay. Look at this.
Someone is doing
shows using our name,
and they even made
a fake website
to make it look like we're
the ones abusing animals.
Oh, my God. I have
to deal with this.
Excuse me. Donna!
- Donna. Donna?
- You're still on mute.
Shit.
Donna, I assure you
this goes against
everything that we stand for.
Donna?
Do...
I hung up on Donna!
[rock music]
Listen up, motherfuckers.
I got a statement
from Carole Baskin
of Big Cat Rescue.
She says, "A fraudulent website"
"has been created to
sew distrust and alarm
"in the big cat community.
"To be clear, we would
never hurt any animal
and we are deeply upset."
- Oh, fuck you, Carole Baskin.
- Exactly.
You know what, she
tried to shut us down,
but I got news for her.
We just had the most
profitable show ever!
- Whoo-hoo!
- [cheering]
And when I do well,
we all do well.
[cheering]
Even though you are the
ugliest bunch of rejects
I ever seen in my
whole goddamn life.
Hey, I ain't no reject, baby.
Hey! Takes one to know one,
and I've been one my whole life!
Here's to the unwanted animals!
[cheering]
[Alain Barrière's "Ma Vie"]
[singing in French]
♪ ♪
Hey, Joe?
I finished that weld
on Bonedigger's cage.
Oh, great. Hang on a sec.
Ma'am, we're closing
up for the night.
But if you want to
buy a stuffed animal,
I'll give you a second
one for half off.
Can't beat that.
She's a little old
for stuffed animals.
- Oh, how about a T-shirt then?
- Huh?
Can't get that anywhere else.
- You're right about that.
- Time to go, Kelly.
Oh, Kelly, you don't want
to leave empty-handed.
Tell your mom you want
to support the animals.
Kelly, I got candy.
I didn't mean it like that.
Need a hand?
Oh, sure, but I ain't
keeping you, am I?
No.
Ain't like I'm in a
hurry to get home.
Everything okay?
I don't know. Uh...
Just things have been a
little bit quiet there
since my dad passed.
I don't got much
family left, you know?
You like it here okay so far?
I love it.
It's like...
I don't know.
SeaWorld or
something. [chuckles]
Only I'm in the
middle of Oklahoma.
- I'll tell you something.
- This ain't SeaWorld.
It's my world.
You're gonna be okay now,
'cause we take care
of our own here.
Come on.
You can help me bring the
cubs in for the night.
- Seriously?
- Sure.
Come on, you're ready.
[toy squeaks] Oh, sorry.
Watch your step,
the animals leave
their chew toys
all over the place.
You keep 'em in cribs?
They're babies, ain't they?
[tiger cub groans]
There you go, baby.
- Go ahead.
- [chuckles]
What are you doing?
Hey, there, little guy.
Hey, buddy.
Take a load off, dude.
- Long day, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
Hope you got a girlfriend
don't bust your balls
for working so hard.
[scoffs] Nah.
I ain't gotta worry about that.
Yeah? Why's that?
Um.
My girlfriend cheated on me, so
that's over.
You trying to tell me
she thinks she can
find somebody better?
- [laughs]
- Bullshit.
You just need somebody
to appreciate you.
Oh, I'm not, uh...
What?
Into guys.
I mean I... look, I
don't care if you are,
it's just... I'm straight, so...
You ever been with a guy?
No.
Do you watch porn?
[laughs]
- Yeah.
- What kind?
I don't know.
Babysitter stuff.
Girl and a guy?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, well, when the
guy's doing the girl,
you like it when he's got
a big one or a little one?
Big one, I guess.
Well, then you
ain't that straight.
[zipper buzzing]
[tense music]
♪ ♪
- [rock music]
- Hey, folks,
come see me in Dodge
City on the 4th,
Omaha on the 8th, and
Houston on the 12th!
And more shows comin'!
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[muffled scream]
[muffled scream]
♪ ♪
[insects chirping]
- Yes.
- [exhales]
Yes, I know how many
malls Mr. Sutton runs.
Mr. Sutton is very important,
but I left my number yesterday,
and I would appreciate
a call back,
because it's imperative
that he understand
who Joe Exotic is, and what...
Sorry to interrupt,
I just, uh...
I had a question about
the feeding schedule
for the ocelots.
I could just leave.
Kind of looks like you want
to punch me in the face, so...
At what point does
banging your head
against a wall lead to
permanent brain damage?
That's rhetorical, right?
None of these malls
or county fairs
will call me back.
Hmm.
Sit.
I need a break.
How is the red
shirt treating you?
Oh, great. Great.
I love being up close
with the animals.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Jamie's been showing
me the ropes.
Did you study
zoology in college?
- Uh, I dropped out, actually.
- Yeah.
I, uh... I spent a
year volunteering
for the Obama campaign,
so. That was cool.
Huh. Doing what?
Um, just mostly online stuff.
You know, reaching
out to people,
building a coalition.
It was a grind, but, uh,
strength in numbers, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
[percussive music]
What if I told you,
that with the push
of one button,
we could get every
one of our supporters
to email every mall
and county fair
currently set to host
one of Joe's shows.
I would tell you
that it's against company policy
to come to work stoned.
It is a software program
that the Obama campaign used.
And we can use it
to rally people
against Joe's shows
in bigger numbers.
You think 2,000 emails
would make a difference?
Well, I don't know,
but 20,000 might.
There's a lot of
animal rights groups,
and we are not the only
ones who are against
what Joe's doing. We
just need to reach out
and convince them
to come together
under one flag.
So you have a list of
people for us to contact.
So I should just drop
everything and...
Start calling, yes.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[phone ringing]
- Big Cat Rescue.
- Yeah, hold please.
Yeah. Carole!
It's Luis Diaz,
from the Americans
Against Animal Cruelty?
Karen, look at the pictures
of what Joe did to those tigers,
and tell me you could
sleep afterwards.
Individually, we are
a whimper, Derek,
but together we are a roar.
I just sent
the Great Lakes
Rescue's email list.
- Got it.
- Add that to the rest, please.
Okay.
598 plus 2...
- Well?
- Yeah, I'm going
as fast as I can.
- What's the total number?
- I'm just... I'm...
I don't work well
under pressure,
so if you could just...
'Cause you know
when you mess up,
the whole thing gets lost.
- No, it... yeah, I know.
- Okay, I got it.
I got it.
24,366.
Hmm.
Is that good?
That's fine.
That's good.
Oh, my God, oh, my
God, oh, my God.
Okay. Got all their emails.
- Mm-hmm.
- Now you just gotta
rally your new troops.
What do you mean?
Talk to them. Yeah.
- No.
- Every movement needs a face.
- No, I don't...
- I don't like the spotlight.
I'm behind the scenes.
Okay, name me one other person
who can speak with more
passion about this than you?
Come on.
[exhales heavily]
Um, yes. Okay.
I'm just gonna go. I'm
just gonna go for one.
Okay. Good.
Hello.
I'm gonna start
again. Okay, um...
Good afternoon, animal lovers.
No.
Stiff. Too stiff.
It's good to see all your faces.
I can't see their
faces. This is stupid.
Hello there, all
you lovers of cats.
That sounds like...
That sounds obscene.
Do you have a beta-blocker?
[meows] That's cat
for "We need help."
♪ ♪
You're right. Loosen
up. Loosen up.
[vocalizes]
♪ In the jungle,
the mighty jungle ♪
It's Carole Baskin.
My name is Carole Baskin.
Carole like the Christmas song,
Baskin, like the Robbins.
That sucks.
I don't remember how
to speak English.
Am I speaking English?
I think I just had
a stroke. Okay.
[laughing] Why is this so hard?
Excuse me, can I have
a different personality, please?
♪ ♪
Hello there, cats. Hey, cats.
Hey, cats. Hey, fat
cats and kittens.
And kittens. You
courageous cats...
Cuddly cats... cute
cats... Kooky cats...
Kinky cats... whoops. [Chuckles]
Hey there, all you c...
Hey, all you cool
cats and kittens...
Hey, all you cool
cats and kittens,
I'm Carole Baskin,
and I need your help.
[upbeat music]
Hey, careful with that.
Precious cargo.
My home state. We gotta
give 'em a good show.
Excuse me, are you Mr. Exotic?
Autographs after the show.
No, I'm Melvin.
I-I manage the mall.
- Well, shit.
- Great to meet you, Melvin.
You got a hell of a mall here.
Thank you.
I'm afraid we're gonna
have to cancel the show.
Why's that, Melvin?
All I know is that we got
flooded with emails, and...
What the hell do emails
got to do with it?
The animal groups are after us.
They crashed our servers.
Look, I don't know what
kind of enemies you have,
but this is a huge
problem for us.
All right, let's
sit down and talk.
It's not my call.
- I'm sorry.
- So that's it?
Fuck your apology, Melvin.
You know what? I didn't
do anything wrong.
- Get off of me.
- Joe...
- Hey.
- Listen,
- I'm talking to you, Melvin!
- Joe, Joe, it's okay.
- It's not okay.
- None of this is okay.
- Joe...
- God, let go of me.
Load the truck back
up. We're leaving.
I said load it up, damn it!
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- Oh!
- There you are.
- Oh, my God.
- Mmm. Oh!
Would you like
some victory brie?
Yes, please.
I've been waiting
for this all day.
- All right.
- Oh, my God, the joy.
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
Okay. Toast time.
- Uh, you go first.
- Oh, uh...
To Joe Exotic,
wherever he may be.
He learned the first
lesson of tangling
with my brilliant wife.
It does not go well.
Not bad for a high
school dropout.
Mm.
- Wait, I want to do one too.
- Okay, um...
When there are no
more animals in cages,
then there will be no more
need for us to rescue them.
So here's to us
putting ourselves
out of business.
[exhales]
Hey, Joe. You okay?
She got to every mall
and fair within 1,000 miles.
What does that mean?
Means I ain't got no income.
Means the zoo might
have to shut down.
The animals...
I don't even know what
would happen to them.
Today it was Joe Exotic,
tomorrow I'm gonna go
after all the rest of them.
I've had to fight
for everything I got.
Every roadside zoo,
every private owner.
And if she thinks she
can knock me back,
and I'm gonna go down quietly...
They're gonna find out
the old-fashioned way...
I don't do anything quietly.
You don't fuck
with Carole Baskin.
And that bitch
poked the wrong goddamn bear.
♪ ♪
♪ There's a killer
on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Killer on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Trying to get near
but don't you worry ♪
♪ Word's out on the street ♪
♪ Got his eyes on you ♪
♪ Trying to get there
but don't you worry ♪
♪ So I thought
I'd let you know ♪
♪ I thought I'd let you know ♪
♪ There's a killer
on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Killer on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Absolutely clear
but don't you worry ♪
♪ Ain't gonna let
you go in a hurry ♪
♪ Even if it comes
to a showdown ♪
♪ Well, I gotta let you know ♪
♪ I'm gonna fight
him tooth and nail ♪
♪ There's a killer
on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Killer on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Whoa, yeah ♪
♪ ♪
♪ No time ♪
♪ No time to lie down here ♪
♪ I got to let you know ♪
♪ That there ain't no space ♪
♪ And he's a slow gun ♪
♪ ♪
♪ The city is a jungle ♪
♪ You better take care ♪
♪ Never walk alone
after midnight ♪
♪ If you don't believe it,
you better beware of me ♪
[doorbell rings] ♪
I am behind you ♪
♪ I always find you ♪
♪ I am the tiger ♪
♪ People who fear me,
never go near me ♪
♪ I am the tiger ♪
♪ The city is a nightmare,
a horrible dream ♪
♪ Some of us will
dream it forever ♪
♪ Look around the corner ♪
♪ And try not to
scream, it's me... ♪
Hello.
Carole Baskin?
♪ I am the tiger, tiger, tiger ♪
I'm Carole Baskin.
Well, we've never had a visit
from Fish and Wildlife before,
'cause our sanctuary
has a perfect record.
I'm sure whatever it is,
we'll be able to sort it out.
Uh, can I offer you something?
I'll take a coffee.
What, I can't ask for a coffee?
It's not about your sanctuary.
- Oh, okay.
- [laughs]
- Phew.
- We have reason to believe
a hitman has been
hired to murder you.
[ominous music]
Wh... what?
Does the name Joseph
Maldonado-Passage
mean anything to you?
Oh, my God.
- Jesus Christ.
- Mm-hmm.
Joe hired a hitman?
Yes.
- Joe can afford a hitman?
- [scoffs]
♪ ♪
Mrs. Baskin, do you know why
Mr. Maldonado-Passage would
engage a murder-for-hire?
Yes. He is a psychopath
who wishes me dead.
We've been in an ongoing
dispute with Joe.
Has he been charged?
We hope to have enough evidence
to charge him soon.
And, um,
where is the hitman?
We can't locate
him at the moment.
You lost the hitman?
Last we heard, he
was leaving Oklahoma.
- Mm-hmm.
- And where was he going?
Here.
- Here?
- [groans]
Well, I... I'm sorry.
I understand this must
be very hard for you.
What?
Oh, no, sorry, I
just didn't take
my medication yet today.
I'm... I'm allergic to cats.
[sniffs]
So I... I assume
that you two are here
to guard the house, then.
That's not really
something we do
at the Fish and
Wildlife Service.
Well, what's the plan?
We recommend you
take precautions.
- I don't... I don't understand.
- I'm sorry, I don't understand.
So what you're saying
is that someone
is currently on their
way here to murder me,
and there's nothing
you can do about it?
We thought you should know.
[chuckles]
[quirky percussive music]
[tiger growls]
[twangy country music]
♪ ♪
We need one for the car.
Mm-hmm. Two for the bedroom.
Mm-hmm. Like his and hers.
What kind of firearms
are you looking for?
I don't know.
I don't know
anything about guns.
We need something that will stop
a hitman in his tracks.
Okay.
Well, it doesn't get any
more reliable than a Glock.
- Reliable's good.
- Okay.
- How's that feel?
- I don't...
I also have a .357 Magnum
that I think you might like.
Christ.
Go ahead.
You all right?
- [sighs heavily]
- Yeah, I'm good.
No one's gonna hurt us, Carole.
He ordered my murder, Howard.
Like it was a pizza
from Little Caesars.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
[tense music]
How did it come to this?
♪ ♪
[revolver cylinder clicks]
["The Breaks" by Kurtis Blow]
♪ ♪
♪ Brakes on a bus,
brakes on a car ♪
♪ Breaks to make
you a superstar ♪
♪ Breaks to win and
breaks to lose ♪
♪ These here breaks
will rock your shoes ♪
♪ And these are the breaks ♪
♪ Break it up, break
it up, break it up ♪
[tiger growls]
♪ ♪
♪ If your woman steps
out with another man ♪
♪ That's the breaks,
that's the breaks ♪
♪ And she runs off
with him to Japan ♪
♪ That's the breaks,
that's the breaks ♪
♪ And the IRS says
they wanna chat ♪
0- ♪ That's the breaks,
that's the breaks ♪
♪ And you can't explain
why you claimed your cat ♪
- Morning, Carole.
- Thank you, Dan.
Hello.
- Status reports.
- Oh, you.
I need to see you in my office.
Did I do something wrong?
And get Valerie.
[murmured conversations]
Oh, gross. Look at my phone.
For crap's sake.
Uh, one of the cats
peed on your phone.
- Unless you want to confess.
- Oh, my aim's not that good.
[both chuckle]
On your feet.
Um, do you know
why I don't pay you
or any of the other
volunteers here?
Uh, well, it's a
nonprofit, so...
No.
It's that I don't
want mercenaries
at Big Cat Rescue.
I want patriots. You understand?
Absolutely.
My parents don't get
why I'm almost 30
and I'm working for free,
but I am 100% committed
to the cause.
I knew it.
That's why it is my honor
to present you with
this.
- Whoo!
- Oh, my God.
It's a big responsibility.
Our lynx and ocelots
will be very happy
to have you taking care of them.
- [chuckles]
- Congratulations.
You've earned it, Taylor.
It's, uh... it's Tyler.
No, it's not. It is?
- Yeah.
- Of course it is.
I get my vowels mixed up.
- Good job.
- Thank you.
And, uh...
Off you go.
- Oh. Uh, thank you.
- Okay.
Wear it well.
Whoops.
This is cr...
I think Mr. Mistoffelees
wants us to change
- our phone carrier.
- [laughs]
We've been in talks
with Mr. Jarrett
to rescue his tiger.
It appears to be
about four years old.
- He's a private owner?
- Yeah, in South Carolina.
- Thank you.
- Do we know
how recent the photo is? Or
if that's the actual cat?
No and no.
Do we know anything?
Just that Jarrett's
agreed to meet.
Okay.
I'll take care of
that one myself.
Um, what's next?
Status of animal abuse shows.
The two most recent shows are
Welch's Great Cat Adventure,
in Texas, and Corley's Exotics,
- Wisconsin.
- Anything on them?
No.
What are we supposed
to do, Carole?
We can't even ID the
people running these shows,
so how do we stop them?
Well, no one said it
was gonna be easy.
I haven't taken a day
off since I was 15.
[chuckles]
What they're counting on is
you getting tired of fighting.
Yeah.
Tiger in the wild can't take
a day off, though, right?
No.
Tiger in the wild can't
go to the pool and read a book.
Tiger in the wild's gotta be...
[clicks tongue] Laser-focused.
This whole life is a fight.
So, I don't know,
you want to take a day off
or you want to be a tiger?
All: Tiger.
I thought so.
What's Awakening Productions?
They're new.
We got a tip
they're doing a show
in Iowa this weekend.
Uh-huh. Well, looks like
we got an opportunity
to get ahead of this
one, let's take it.
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
Whoever you are,
we're coming for you.
♪ ♪
[sneezes]
[ZZ Top's "La Grange" playing]
♪ ♪
♪ Rumor spreading 'round ♪
♪ That Texas town ♪
♪ About that shack
outside La Grange ♪
♪ And you know what
I'm talkin' about ♪
♪ Just let me know
if you want to go ♪
♪ To that home
out on the range ♪
♪ They got a lot of nice girls ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Have mercy... ♪
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
please give a
warm, Iowa welcome,
to the one and only Joe Exotic.
♪ Well, I hear it's fine ♪
♪ If you've got the time ♪
♪ And the ten to
get yourself in ♪
♪ A hmm, hmm ♪
♪ And I hear it's tight ♪
♪ Most every night ♪
♪ But now I might be mistaken ♪
♪ Hmm, hmm, hmm ♪
♪ ♪
[cheering]
Welcome to the best
exotic animal show in
these United States.
[cheers and applause]
[laughs] Whoo!
I'm telling you,
folks, you're gonna see
animals like you
never seen 'em before,
up close and personal.
It'll be closer than that time
you walked in on Mom and Dad
and they said they
was just wrestling.
Sure looked like Dad was
winning though, didn't it?
[laughter]
I'm gonna introduce you
to a friend right now.
Cletus, come on out here.
Oh, I know.
This is how I like to
say hello to Cletus.
Thank you.
- All: Oh!
- Wow.
You know, Cletus might
kiss like he's French,
but I guaran-God-damn-tee
you he's 100% Arabian.
Right, Cletus? What? Huh?
Oh, my... Cletus said,
"Forget about all them
sheiks in the Middle East,
"there ain't no better
place to be in the world
than the Linn County
Fair with y'all."
[cheers and applause]
Joe!
Joe. Joe.
God d...
I want you to talk to Cletus,
he'll talk back to you
in his own special way.
I'll be right back.
The fuck is it? I'm
getting warmed up.
We got a problem.
[tiger groaning]
He's been throwing up.
Fuck. Just pump him full
of antibiotics and...
We gotta get him onstage.
- He can't go on, Joe.
- He's my headliner.
Well, he needs a vet.
So unless you can magically
pull a tiger out of your ass,
you're screwed.
[upbeat music]
[sheep bleats]
Joe! Got it.
Give me the orange,
give me the orange.
♪ ♪
Relax.
This gonna come out.
I think.
♪ ♪
Who wants to see a tiger
appear out of thin air?
[cheers and applause]
I can't hear you!
[cheering]
Well, all right. Your
wish is my command.
[cheering] [sheep bleats]
Yeah. [Chuckles]
Yeah, well, my friend
might be young,
but pretty soon
he's gonna be eating
333 pounds of meat a month.
That'll clean out
any McDonald's.
[dismayed muttering]
Huh?
[sheep bleats]
What's better than
seeing a tiger?
It's pettin' one.
Who's ready for the
next part of the show?
I know you are!
God damn it!
Mother fucking sheep.
Hey, kids, look how
cute this little guy is.
That'll be ten bucks, please.
Uh, that's each.
Small price to pay
for a once-in-a-lifetime
experience.
Are you real?
You bet your ass I am, darlin'.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
Take over.
♪ ♪
- What the hell?
- What's going on?
Get security.
♪ ♪
Hey! Get away from that cage!
You're mistreating this animal.
Your bosses at PETA
are wasting their time.
I ain't doing shit.
I don't work for PETA.
I'm with Big Cat Rescue.
Who?
Carole Baskin.
And you're going down.
Oh, yeah, I'm going
down, all right,
but your ugly ass ain't gonna be
on the other end of it.
Get her out of here.
You're disgusting.
Get... I can let myself out.
Thank you.
Do your boss a favor
and give her a message.
You don't want to
mess with Joe Exotic!
- Who's Carole Baskin?
- Hell if I know.
Come on, we got
a show to finish.
[tiger groans]
[garage door rumbling]
We got a deal?
- Oh, don't ask me.
- She's the boss.
[scoffs]
If you're having
second thoughts,
there's a roadside
zoo up in Tennessee
that will take him.
Him? It's a... [chuckles]
I'm sorry, it's
a... it's a girl.
Cat weighs 450, easy.
Yeah, but the paws
are too small,
and there's no ruff
around the neck.
Plus, she's got a
vagina, if you look.
Oh, man.
It's okay, sweetheart.
We're gonna get you out of here.
[tiger groaning]
It's okay.
Well?
Okay, so you said $5,000?
[chuckles]
Gonna need $10,000.
Now, hold on, just a minute.
This cat is purebred Siberian.
Uh-huh, oh.
Oh, my gosh, I didn't know.
Shoot.
Okay, can I see
your permit then?
'Cause you're selling
her across state lines,
and the Endangered Species
Act says you need a permit
if it's a purebred, so...
I'm sure you know that.
If you want, I can, um,
get Fish and Wildlife
to come down and help
us sort this out.
What's your problem, lady?
[sighs] My problem is
that I would like
one day of peace
on this Earth, sir.
But I can't have it,
because I keep having
to get into fights
with men like you
who take these
gorgeous wild animals
and put them in a cage
in their backyard,
so they can walk outside,
scratch their balls,
and think, "Whoa, look at me.
I got a tiger in my
backyard. I must be special."
You're not special, though.
You suck. Oh.
You suck.
Do you want the $5,000 or not?
[horn honking]
[rap music]
♪ ♪
Hey, honey, I'm home!
You look like hell, Joe.
I've been on the
road for two days.
What's your excuse?
Hey! New guy. John, is it?
- Yes, sir?
- How's the trailer?
- Comfortable?
- Yeah, real good, Mr. Exotic.
Thank you.
Mr. Exotic's my father's name.
- [chuckles]
- Okay, let's go
pick up some gear, and
take you to the shed.
Yes, sir.
Where did you learn
to take care of
all these different animals?
Oh, I'm a proud graduate
of Google university.
You can learn a lot from
the internet, you know?
Get a load of the
balls on this guy, huh.
Yeah, you're my bubba, aint you?
You're my... Yeah,
you thirsty, honey?
Yes, you are.
There you go.
I saved this monkey
from a shitty-ass circus
that went belly-up.
Lot of these animals
are rescues around here.
They're cross-eyed, or,
you know, missing a tail.
Zoos won't take 'em.
But I will.
Excuse me. [Groans]
Oh.
I still got it.
So why do those
animal rights people
want to stop you?
Ah, just a bunch
of dried up cows
picking on me 'cause
their husbands
can't get it up
for them anymore.
You know that they say
that cub breeders are evil?
That we get rid of our animals
after they're old and expensive?
Have you ever seen me do that?
- Well, I just started here.
- No!
- Oh.
- I got big plans.
I'm gonna take my tour national
so the whole world can love
on my beautiful babies.
[tiger groans] 'Cause
that's what I'm about.
My kids love me just
as much as I love them.
Want to see some shit?
Yeah.
My dream was always
to have a zoo.
- You want to know why?
- Yeah.
Because why would I want
to have a regular job...
[gate creaks]
When I can do this?
[tiger growls]
[tense music]
♪ ♪
What the fuck?
[tiger growls]
♪ ♪
The vet just finished up.
How's she looking?
Malnourished, ringworm.
We need to do a few more tests.
Yeah. Um
let's get her into the
quarantine building ASAP,
and have keepers available
for 24 hour observation.
Okay.
[sighs] Frick.
She's gonna be okay.
I know. She's a fighter.
That's the thing about cats...
[soft music]
Carol? Dinner.
You know, they start
out so innocent.
They have no idea what the world
can really be like.
♪ Baby, you know my
love for you is real ♪
♪ So take me where
you want to... ♪
[music slows and distorts]
But even if they leave home,
they still figure
out how to survive.
♪ ♪
[car door slams]
[engine turns over]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
What happened to them, it's
never gone from their mind.
But then those little kittens
have little kittens
of their own.
And life goes on.
I don't know what it is.
I just... I feel this need
to save them.
I really feel like I
was put on this Earth
to rescue cats.
[machines beeping]
I know, Mom.
I know you feel it too.
Sorry to interrupt.
We got video from our
volunteer in Iowa.
[tiger groaning]
Hey! Get away from there.
You're mistreating this animal.
I ain't doing shit.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Valerie! Round up.
Okay. We've been struggling
to shut down all these
disparate animal abuse shows.
But look, this is from
the video in Iowa.
What do you notice?
Besides that his mouth looks
like a little butthole.
Uh, the dog collar.
No. Look at the mullet.
Mullet. Okay.
Welch's Great Cat Adventure,
Texas.
The mullet.
Corley's Exotics, Wisconsin.
Alex Productions. World Magic.
Holy crap.
They're all the same person.
Yes. Exactly.
This is who we've been after.
This is our guy.
Crystal, after I trank Oscar,
you move him into
the new cage, okay?
All right.
I have to call my
parole officer back.
- Oh, yeah.
- If he wants to talk to me
I'll say whatever
you want me to,
you know that.
Thanks, Joe.
Joe!
That weirdo's back
at Ozzy's cage.
Shit.
One of those fucking animal
right God damn nut bags.
How you doing, buddy boy?
Hey!
Get your ass away
from that cage.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.
This is my damn zoo, don't
tell me to calm down.
What group you with?
I don't think I'm a
part of any group.
Unless you count Costco.
Real funny.
Thing is, if I don't get
right up next to the cage,
I can't give Ozzy his Twinkies,
and they just make
him so damn happy.
Twinkies upset his stomach.
Not banana flavor.
No shit.
Isn't that right, boy, baby boy?
[grizzly bear groans] Yeah.
You know, after I got
out of the hospital,
Ozzy here is the only
thing that cheered me up.
This zoo, uh...
This zoo saved me.
You need a bench or something?
I can stand just
as good as you can.
No offense.
Yeah, that's what everyone says
right after they tell
me the job ain't mine.
I mean, how would you
like it if you got dinged
for the funny way you talk?
- I don't talk funny.
- Yeah, okay.
- What happened?
- Zip line accident.
- Jesus.
- Yeah, I should've died.
I said goodbye to my
wife and everything.
Bet she's disappointed
you pulled through.
[laughs]
Yeah, fair enough.
- What's your name?
- John Reinke.
You want a job, John Reinke?
You serious?
- Joe!
- What?
[tense music]
Look.
Look at this sick tiger.
Sadly, he's one of
the many big cats
subjected to repeated abuse
by the most prolific
cat abuser around,
Joe Schreibvogel.
Together, we can
stop this monster.
It's that woman, Carole Baskin.
She's got a whole website
trying to take you down now.
Well, if she wants
to mess with me,
I can mess with her.
["If You Don't Know Me By
Now" by Simply Red playing]
One, left, two.
- You're getting better.
- No, I'm not.
I'm the worst
dancer in the world.
I hate this.
I absolutely hate that
you're making me do this.
- Oh, watch out.
- Wow, ow, ow.
I gotta go to work. I'm sorry.
[smooching]
Let's rehearse more after work.
Depends on how
masochistic I'm feeling.
Oops. [Phone ringing]
It's Donna. It's
one of my donors.
Mm-hmm.
Hello, Donna. How are you?
Uh-huh.
Okay, what website?
Hold on, let me
open up my trusty
computer here, hold on.
Okay.
What the heck?
Oh, my God.
What is this? I
don't understand.
This is not us.
D... hold on, Donna.
- How do you put it on mute?
- Oh.
- [phone beeps]
- Just that...
- Not that.
- That... that's a number.
What is that? That's speaker.
Shit. Donna? Donna?
Okay. Look at this.
Someone is doing
shows using our name,
and they even made
a fake website
to make it look like we're
the ones abusing animals.
Oh, my God. I have
to deal with this.
Excuse me. Donna!
- Donna. Donna?
- You're still on mute.
Shit.
Donna, I assure you
this goes against
everything that we stand for.
Donna?
Do...
I hung up on Donna!
[rock music]
Listen up, motherfuckers.
I got a statement
from Carole Baskin
of Big Cat Rescue.
She says, "A fraudulent website"
"has been created to
sew distrust and alarm
"in the big cat community.
"To be clear, we would
never hurt any animal
and we are deeply upset."
- Oh, fuck you, Carole Baskin.
- Exactly.
You know what, she
tried to shut us down,
but I got news for her.
We just had the most
profitable show ever!
- Whoo-hoo!
- [cheering]
And when I do well,
we all do well.
[cheering]
Even though you are the
ugliest bunch of rejects
I ever seen in my
whole goddamn life.
Hey, I ain't no reject, baby.
Hey! Takes one to know one,
and I've been one my whole life!
Here's to the unwanted animals!
[cheering]
[Alain Barrière's "Ma Vie"]
[singing in French]
♪ ♪
Hey, Joe?
I finished that weld
on Bonedigger's cage.
Oh, great. Hang on a sec.
Ma'am, we're closing
up for the night.
But if you want to
buy a stuffed animal,
I'll give you a second
one for half off.
Can't beat that.
She's a little old
for stuffed animals.
- Oh, how about a T-shirt then?
- Huh?
Can't get that anywhere else.
- You're right about that.
- Time to go, Kelly.
Oh, Kelly, you don't want
to leave empty-handed.
Tell your mom you want
to support the animals.
Kelly, I got candy.
I didn't mean it like that.
Need a hand?
Oh, sure, but I ain't
keeping you, am I?
No.
Ain't like I'm in a
hurry to get home.
Everything okay?
I don't know. Uh...
Just things have been a
little bit quiet there
since my dad passed.
I don't got much
family left, you know?
You like it here okay so far?
I love it.
It's like...
I don't know.
SeaWorld or
something. [chuckles]
Only I'm in the
middle of Oklahoma.
- I'll tell you something.
- This ain't SeaWorld.
It's my world.
You're gonna be okay now,
'cause we take care
of our own here.
Come on.
You can help me bring the
cubs in for the night.
- Seriously?
- Sure.
Come on, you're ready.
[toy squeaks] Oh, sorry.
Watch your step,
the animals leave
their chew toys
all over the place.
You keep 'em in cribs?
They're babies, ain't they?
[tiger cub groans]
There you go, baby.
- Go ahead.
- [chuckles]
What are you doing?
Hey, there, little guy.
Hey, buddy.
Take a load off, dude.
- Long day, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
Hope you got a girlfriend
don't bust your balls
for working so hard.
[scoffs] Nah.
I ain't gotta worry about that.
Yeah? Why's that?
Um.
My girlfriend cheated on me, so
that's over.
You trying to tell me
she thinks she can
find somebody better?
- [laughs]
- Bullshit.
You just need somebody
to appreciate you.
Oh, I'm not, uh...
What?
Into guys.
I mean I... look, I
don't care if you are,
it's just... I'm straight, so...
You ever been with a guy?
No.
Do you watch porn?
[laughs]
- Yeah.
- What kind?
I don't know.
Babysitter stuff.
Girl and a guy?
Mm-hmm.
Okay, well, when the
guy's doing the girl,
you like it when he's got
a big one or a little one?
Big one, I guess.
Well, then you
ain't that straight.
[zipper buzzing]
[tense music]
♪ ♪
- [rock music]
- Hey, folks,
come see me in Dodge
City on the 4th,
Omaha on the 8th, and
Houston on the 12th!
And more shows comin'!
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[muffled scream]
[muffled scream]
♪ ♪
[insects chirping]
- Yes.
- [exhales]
Yes, I know how many
malls Mr. Sutton runs.
Mr. Sutton is very important,
but I left my number yesterday,
and I would appreciate
a call back,
because it's imperative
that he understand
who Joe Exotic is, and what...
Sorry to interrupt,
I just, uh...
I had a question about
the feeding schedule
for the ocelots.
I could just leave.
Kind of looks like you want
to punch me in the face, so...
At what point does
banging your head
against a wall lead to
permanent brain damage?
That's rhetorical, right?
None of these malls
or county fairs
will call me back.
Hmm.
Sit.
I need a break.
How is the red
shirt treating you?
Oh, great. Great.
I love being up close
with the animals.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Jamie's been showing
me the ropes.
Did you study
zoology in college?
- Uh, I dropped out, actually.
- Yeah.
I, uh... I spent a
year volunteering
for the Obama campaign,
so. That was cool.
Huh. Doing what?
Um, just mostly online stuff.
You know, reaching
out to people,
building a coalition.
It was a grind, but, uh,
strength in numbers, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
[percussive music]
What if I told you,
that with the push
of one button,
we could get every
one of our supporters
to email every mall
and county fair
currently set to host
one of Joe's shows.
I would tell you
that it's against company policy
to come to work stoned.
It is a software program
that the Obama campaign used.
And we can use it
to rally people
against Joe's shows
in bigger numbers.
You think 2,000 emails
would make a difference?
Well, I don't know,
but 20,000 might.
There's a lot of
animal rights groups,
and we are not the only
ones who are against
what Joe's doing. We
just need to reach out
and convince them
to come together
under one flag.
So you have a list of
people for us to contact.
So I should just drop
everything and...
Start calling, yes.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[phone ringing]
- Big Cat Rescue.
- Yeah, hold please.
Yeah. Carole!
It's Luis Diaz,
from the Americans
Against Animal Cruelty?
Karen, look at the pictures
of what Joe did to those tigers,
and tell me you could
sleep afterwards.
Individually, we are
a whimper, Derek,
but together we are a roar.
I just sent
the Great Lakes
Rescue's email list.
- Got it.
- Add that to the rest, please.
Okay.
598 plus 2...
- Well?
- Yeah, I'm going
as fast as I can.
- What's the total number?
- I'm just... I'm...
I don't work well
under pressure,
so if you could just...
'Cause you know
when you mess up,
the whole thing gets lost.
- No, it... yeah, I know.
- Okay, I got it.
I got it.
24,366.
Hmm.
Is that good?
That's fine.
That's good.
Oh, my God, oh, my
God, oh, my God.
Okay. Got all their emails.
- Mm-hmm.
- Now you just gotta
rally your new troops.
What do you mean?
Talk to them. Yeah.
- No.
- Every movement needs a face.
- No, I don't...
- I don't like the spotlight.
I'm behind the scenes.
Okay, name me one other person
who can speak with more
passion about this than you?
Come on.
[exhales heavily]
Um, yes. Okay.
I'm just gonna go. I'm
just gonna go for one.
Okay. Good.
Hello.
I'm gonna start
again. Okay, um...
Good afternoon, animal lovers.
No.
Stiff. Too stiff.
It's good to see all your faces.
I can't see their
faces. This is stupid.
Hello there, all
you lovers of cats.
That sounds like...
That sounds obscene.
Do you have a beta-blocker?
[meows] That's cat
for "We need help."
♪ ♪
You're right. Loosen
up. Loosen up.
[vocalizes]
♪ In the jungle,
the mighty jungle ♪
It's Carole Baskin.
My name is Carole Baskin.
Carole like the Christmas song,
Baskin, like the Robbins.
That sucks.
I don't remember how
to speak English.
Am I speaking English?
I think I just had
a stroke. Okay.
[laughing] Why is this so hard?
Excuse me, can I have
a different personality, please?
♪ ♪
Hello there, cats. Hey, cats.
Hey, cats. Hey, fat
cats and kittens.
And kittens. You
courageous cats...
Cuddly cats... cute
cats... Kooky cats...
Kinky cats... whoops. [Chuckles]
Hey there, all you c...
Hey, all you cool
cats and kittens...
Hey, all you cool
cats and kittens,
I'm Carole Baskin,
and I need your help.
[upbeat music]
Hey, careful with that.
Precious cargo.
My home state. We gotta
give 'em a good show.
Excuse me, are you Mr. Exotic?
Autographs after the show.
No, I'm Melvin.
I-I manage the mall.
- Well, shit.
- Great to meet you, Melvin.
You got a hell of a mall here.
Thank you.
I'm afraid we're gonna
have to cancel the show.
Why's that, Melvin?
All I know is that we got
flooded with emails, and...
What the hell do emails
got to do with it?
The animal groups are after us.
They crashed our servers.
Look, I don't know what
kind of enemies you have,
but this is a huge
problem for us.
All right, let's
sit down and talk.
It's not my call.
- I'm sorry.
- So that's it?
Fuck your apology, Melvin.
You know what? I didn't
do anything wrong.
- Get off of me.
- Joe...
- Hey.
- Listen,
- I'm talking to you, Melvin!
- Joe, Joe, it's okay.
- It's not okay.
- None of this is okay.
- Joe...
- God, let go of me.
Load the truck back
up. We're leaving.
I said load it up, damn it!
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- Oh!
- There you are.
- Oh, my God.
- Mmm. Oh!
Would you like
some victory brie?
Yes, please.
I've been waiting
for this all day.
- All right.
- Oh, my God, the joy.
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
Okay. Toast time.
- Uh, you go first.
- Oh, uh...
To Joe Exotic,
wherever he may be.
He learned the first
lesson of tangling
with my brilliant wife.
It does not go well.
Not bad for a high
school dropout.
Mm.
- Wait, I want to do one too.
- Okay, um...
When there are no
more animals in cages,
then there will be no more
need for us to rescue them.
So here's to us
putting ourselves
out of business.
[exhales]
Hey, Joe. You okay?
She got to every mall
and fair within 1,000 miles.
What does that mean?
Means I ain't got no income.
Means the zoo might
have to shut down.
The animals...
I don't even know what
would happen to them.
Today it was Joe Exotic,
tomorrow I'm gonna go
after all the rest of them.
I've had to fight
for everything I got.
Every roadside zoo,
every private owner.
And if she thinks she
can knock me back,
and I'm gonna go down quietly...
They're gonna find out
the old-fashioned way...
I don't do anything quietly.
You don't fuck
with Carole Baskin.
And that bitch
poked the wrong goddamn bear.
♪ ♪
♪ There's a killer
on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Killer on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Trying to get near
but don't you worry ♪
♪ Word's out on the street ♪
♪ Got his eyes on you ♪
♪ Trying to get there
but don't you worry ♪
♪ So I thought
I'd let you know ♪
♪ I thought I'd let you know ♪
♪ There's a killer
on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Killer on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Absolutely clear
but don't you worry ♪
♪ Ain't gonna let
you go in a hurry ♪
♪ Even if it comes
to a showdown ♪
♪ Well, I gotta let you know ♪
♪ I'm gonna fight
him tooth and nail ♪
♪ There's a killer
on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Killer on the rampage ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ Can't kill my
love for you a-hoo ♪
♪ Don't feel no fear ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Whoa, yeah ♪
♪ ♪
♪ No time ♪
♪ No time to lie down here ♪
♪ I got to let you know ♪
♪ That there ain't no space ♪
♪ And he's a slow gun ♪