Jep & Jessica: Growing the Dynasty (2016–2017): Season 1, Episode 5 - The first teenager - full transcript

Jump!

I've been jumping.

Get him, Dad.

I'm trying, buddy.

Let me do it.

In a minute.
I gotta beat this boss right here.

Hey, babe.Hey.

I need to talk to you, babe.
Ooh, ooh, watch--

Just pause the game.

Jess, there's no pause on this.

There's no pause.



You just got me killed.

Well, it is a video game.

Well, the big day's
come for Lily.

I bought stuff for you,
your feminine stuff.

I'm not gonna buy it for her.
This is not about... that.

Then what are you talking about,
"her day has come."

What day has come? She's turning 13.

It's her 13th birthday.

Well, just her birthday?

It's not just
any birthday, babe.

I mean, this is special.
It's our first teenager.

That freaks me out.

I knew the day would come
when I'd have a teenager.

I'm just not quite sure
I'm prepared for it.



I think Jep is too worried

about all this
growing up too fast.

I just don't want
any young 13-year-olds

putting their hands
on my daughter.

She's never even
held a boy's hand

besides her brother, so...

She pancaked once, I think.

No, she did not. She told me that.

She told me she
has not held hands.

She didn't waffle,
but she pancaked.

When those hormones kick in,

she won't hold my hand anymore.

Yes, she will. "I don't want to do that."

I don't think Lily
would talk like that to you.

No, I was not like that.

I was a sweet angel.

Yes, your dad
has told me stories.

Don't listen to him.

Your dad has told me
when you were in high school

like, all the boys were like,
chasing after you.

That is not true.

He said they were a bunch of
hound dogs, just, arrhh.

Just at his door,
just "Bring her out."

That's untrue.

I just don't want that for Lily.

I don't want to have to
fight all these boys off.

You're the one that called
yourself "the kissing bandit."

That was the summer of love--That's what
you labeled yourself.

That was a--that--

That was just legend.
Don't worry about that.

So, she had the idea of doing
an 80s-themed dance party.

Jess, 80s?
She was born in the 2000s.

I know, but I mean,
she loves like,

Sixteen Candles, Pretty In Pink.

You're the one that
showed her Breakfast Club.

I do like the 80s.

I knew you would love it.

I could do--

I don't think she'll like that.

Look!!

Are you ready to throw Lily
a 13th birthday party?

Whoop, whoop!
All right.

I'm gonna send out
the invitations,

and don't forget.

Where we're going...

there are no streets.

It's roads.

"Where we're going,
we don't need roads."

Whatever. I got it close enough.
Get it, bub.

All right, bub.
It's back on now.

You're cool, buddy.

How do you like 'em? Sunny side up.

What about sunny side down?

What'd y'all get? Party stuff.

Yes,
I'm excited. Whose party is it?

Lily's party, duh.

The big 1-3,

and we're going totally 80s.

Why 80s?

I've seen Sixteen Candles
and Breakfast Club.

I just thought it'd be cool.

80s is pretty cool.
It's an awome idea.

It's gonna be rad. That's the theme--
"13 Candles."

13 Candles. Nice. Bam.

I think the 80s
are like, scrunchies,

and then like, leg warmers.

Colors that pop out.

What about the music? Madonna.

Cyndi Lauper. Who is that?

Flock of Seagulls.

I tried to get my hair to
do that, it would not work.

I don't know what that is.

We're gonna brush you up
on the 80s.

Well, I just really want
to have like, a fun party.

it's gonna be a fun party.

We're gonna have
a blast from the past.

Totally 80s.

So what do you want to do
at your 80s party?

Dancing?

Are your friends gonna dance?

There ain't no way 13-year-old
boys are gonna dance.

Some of 'em would do it.

Dude.
We should breakdance.

Hey. No.

Lily, you have to have people

that get people going,
see what I'm saying?

A good party always has
a couple people like--

Yes. Having a good time.

And everybody's all,
"I can do that."

Dad, please do not embarrass me.

Now what's going
to be embarrassing

is all the kids standing around.

Hey, good party.

D'ya do your homework
last night?

I did it, it was fun.

Yeah.
You read that book?

Yeah, it was a good book.
It was a good book.

A lot of pages
in that book.Yeah.

Here's the deal at parties.

Most of 'em
are boring and awkward,

especially with kids.

So you need a party starter.

That's where we come in.

Don't embarrass her
on her big day.

I mean, I want
to dance with somebody.

Nick. He wants to feel the heat
with somebody.

Please. Seriously,
don't embarrass her.

Yeah, that includes you.

Being a party starter
is like starting a fire.

You have to have
some kind of accelerant.

Have some gas, and
we are definitely the gas.

Do you want us
to make this awesome?

No, this is not about you.

We just want y'all
to set up the dance floor.

Did you hire some entertainment?

All I need you to do,
is tomorrow

go pick up the tent
and the dance floor.

But did you hire
any entertainment?

They don't get it. Zip.

Jess, on the other hand,
is not a party starter.

Nick, you're not even invited.
She's a party pooper.

All the guys in the 80s,
that's all they did

that was cool was dance.
First teenager.

Don't grow up too fast
and don't leave me.

Just live with me forever.

Lily.

You are 13 years old!

Bub, stage five craziness.

Look at this red carpet, boys.

Yeah, I know Marky Mark.
Yeah, so what?

We gotta get all this.

Okay, Nick,
you walk down the carpet.

Let me get behind that. Now--

Wait, wait. I gotta pick
the right color, hang on.

Why do you got it on his crotch?

Put it on his face.

I'm picking the color first.

So Jess told me to go
to this party rental place

and get a dance floor, a tent,

and some speakers for the DJ.

Ooh, look,
a smoke machine. That is awesome.

Everything looks cooler
with a smoke machine.

But there was a lot
of other stuff here.

They had a mirror ball.

Awesome lights.

Smoke machine.

Dance floor,
smoke machine, that's--

I mean, you got most
of a party right there.

And if that stuff
wasn't at my party,

I'd think one thing.

Lame.

Perfect.

If we show up
with all this stuff,

have awesome costumes,
and can breakdance,

we're the hit of the party. Yeah.

But the problem is, I don't
really know how to breakdance.

I got a work-out buddy

who'd be perfect for that.
To show us how to breakdance?

Show us how to breakdance.
Let's go tomorrow.

It's on. I'm fired up.

You know what's gonna happen.
Everybody's gonna

come up to Lily and be like,

"This party is awesome."

You know what she'll say?
"Well, my dad did it."

Yeah. "My dad's cool."

What a great day.
It's perfect.

Do you know what
we're doing here?

we're making colored jeans?

It's called acid washing.

Pull a little piece up,

and just wrap it around.

Give me some.

We're gonna look awesome
at this party.

Um, I'm not really sure
what we're doing.

Acid washing was
all the rage in the 80s.

We're gonna take ordinary jeans

and we're gonna
make them gnarly.

I'll just take your word for it.

Check this outfit out.

I pulled this
right out of my closet,

and I'm straight out of the 80s.

And I mean this?
Animal print?

Cheetah! It's totally rad.

It's kind of weird.

You're gonna look
totally radical.

You trust me, right?

No. No, I trust you.

Lily... that was not
very convincing.

Watch this dance move, Lily.

It's like Janet Jackson.

M.C. Hammer.
Is he 80s?

M.C. Hammer.
M.C. Hammer.

Do the Humpty Hump.
Come on, and do the Humpty Hump.

No, eww. Stop, no.

You know it.
Who am I?

Who am I? Hold on,
let me get my one glove on.

Hold up.
If I can get it--

Yeah. You know who--
You know what's coming.

That's the wrong hand,
but all right.

Who am I, who am I?

Who is that?

Who am I? Come on.

Come on, Cilla.
Whoo!

If y'all do that
it's gonna be embarrassing.

What do you have to be
embarrassed about anyway?

Y'all's dances
that y'all just did.

Lily, Emily and I
would never embarrass you.

We would never do such a thing.

Sure.

Turn the camera off and help me.

This is my work-out buddy.

The breakdance expert.

So listen to everything
Tara says.

I know Tara,
she does cheerleading.

Really? Yes, she did my kids.

We kept this skill hidden
from them, didn't we?

I can do flips,
I can do head spins,

I can do all of it.

This is my daughter's
birthday party.

And so we thought
it would be cool

if we kind of showed
the kids how to dance.

Right, girls on one side,
guys on the other.

Real uncomfortable. Yeah.

We're gonna get it going.
All right, you ready to learn?

Let's do this. All right.

Once we master this dance,

I think Lily is just
gonna be super proud.

We're three athletic--

No!

Couple and a half athletic guys.

We can do this.

One and two and three and four.

And push, all the way around.

Push all the way around.

I don't really trust Nick
and Dan's dancing abilities.

I mean, Dan, I've seen him move.

It's not real pleasant to watch.

Nick's got a little rhythm,
but I'm not expecting much.

What the heck!

Breakdance.

Yes!

Breakdance.
All right.

Breakdance. Holy cow!

I told you I could breakdance.

I'm impressed.

Live and in person,
I was like, whoa.

That is a lot of meat going...

Dan, get your legs apart.

Nick, you're going to worm
through his legs.

This is freakin'--

Watch your feet,
watch your feet!

Nailed it!

Classic worm kick to the nuts.

Okay, we've taught y'all a lot,

so let's try to go
from the beginning.

Danny, are you--

Based on my earlier projections,

of how this dance
is gonna turn out,

I think Lily is gonna
be blown away.

Jump high. I got him.

Wait for it.

Little shake, little shake.

...six, seven, go.

Now stand up.
And one, two, three,

cartwheel and finish! What am I doing?

Inside, move!

Your mom and them.

That was terrible.

All right,
let's go again. Crap!

That is rad?

So rad.

This is gonna be awesome.

Are you sure
it's gonna look good?

I promise. Trust me.

I like this outfit.

It looks totes rad.

You guys are making me so proud.

I think this looks
totally rad and bodacious.

It would be bodacious

if my dad did not dance
at this party.

Okay, I agree with you there.

The big day is finally here.

Are you nervous? A little.

Are you worried your dad's
gonna breakdance at the party?

Yeah. Do you even know
what breakdancing is?

No.You know, when they like--

They like, throw it around,
they spin on the ground,

they're on their back spinning,
then they pop up, and--

You know, breakdancing.

Yeah, that makes me
even more worried.

There's gonna be a lot
of people from the school

and stuff, so, you know...

Don't want to look bad.

No, you're gonna look bodacious.

Bodacious.
Who's ready to get their make--

Your hair looks awesome!

My goodness,
I love it. Totally rad.

Lily, what do you think?

No, Mom, no.

Vogue, vogue, vogue, vogue.

Vogue, vogue, vogue.

It's too much.

Babe, I was gonna do
your make-up just like this.

Lily, that's how they wore it.

I don't want that much, Mama.

Lily.Mom. Have you looked
in the mirror?

Baby, it's a 80s party.

You have like, all the years
of the 80s combined

on your face.Lil.

I don't think I'm embarrassing
at all as a mom.

I think I'm pretty cool.

I'm probably a cool mom.

Maybe Dad does.
I don't embarrass you.

Would it embarrass you
if I put a mole on my face?

Why would you put
a mole on your face?

You can't be Madonna
without the mole.

I thought the kids
were supposed to dress up.

Just kids.

Like I would ever have
an 80s party for you

and not dress up.

All right, think it's all done.

You got some big hair, girl.
What do you think?

Whoa. It's totally 80s!

It's so big.

Okay, what about this?

This is like, the 80s look.

I don't like it.Okay.

It's your birthday and
you can cry if you want to.

Okay.

But you gotta let me
do your make-up.

No!

If you're putting a lot,
I'm gonna be mad.

All right, Dan.

Put it up next
to the front door.

Don't play tug-of-war with me.

We gotta get the leaves
off of it. We can vacuum it.

Make it come up when you--Whoa, whoa.

Whoa. What is this for?

Whoa!

Jess, did you swallow
a party grenade?

Pfff!

Excuse me, this is totally 80s.

Is that what they
looked like in the 80s?

Yeah.
This make-up is awesome.

It's something.

And what is this? It's called a red carpet.

That's gonna be fun!

I figured they'd like that.

Lily's gonna love it.
We gotta get you ready.

Where have y'all been?

We have been formally trained

to entertain.

We have a breakdancing...

Jep. routine planned.

Y'all gonna breakdance?
We're gonna breakdance.

You're gonna break something
is what it is.

Possibly.

When me and
my dance crew come in,

I'm thinking Thriller.

I'm thinking smoke.

Like a hush...
a hush over the crowd.

And then we just start
breaking it down.

Poppin', droppin'.

Kids are falling out, fainting.

Screaming...

All of her friends are coming.

They will never forget
this night, Jess.

I promise you. Yeah, all for
the wrong reasons.

Babe, parents aren't actually
supposed to be dancing.

It's actually just the kids.

I realize that, but I think
this is gonna help them do that.

Lily is already worried
we're gonna embarrass her,

and I promised we wouldn't.

Jess, have you seen
what you're wearing?

Jep. This is not going
to embarrass her.

This is gonna
get the party started.

Hey, that dance floor
ain't gonna move itself.

They put it in here
with a forklift.

Just take piece by piece.

Is there anydy else here
that can help?

No.Just you guys.

I'm gonna pace myself.

It's gonna blow your mind.

Yeah. Jess, we're gonna
get the party started.

Let's face it,
most kids are kind of

embarrassed of their parents
when they get like, 12, 13.

I think Lily
absolutely loves me,

and, in fact, I think
she brags on me a lot.

I hear her tell her friends.

They're like, "He's cool.
I mean, he gets me."

I've never heard her
say that at all.

Yeah, I hear her.
She would text,

and she'd be like, "My dad,
you know, he did this and that."

You read it on her phone?

Yeah.

I snooped a little, but...

it was all good stuff.
I was like...

Nice, Lil.

Don't you think that
you getting out there

doing some choreographed
breakdance routine

is gonna embarrass her?

I mean, the little boys
might get embarrassed

because they're gonna be like,
"I wish I could do that."

I think the girls'll be like...

"Lily, your dad is cool."

Teenagers are sensitive
about this stuff. She's 13.

Girls, they just wanna have fun.

Babe... All I can do

is dance like
I've never danced before.

Don't embarrass her.

Jess, it's gonna be
a totally radical party.

Disco Death Star.

It'll be so gnarly.

Do not embarrass her.

Promise me. I promise.

I love you.

It's gonna be awesome, Jess.

You spin me right round, baby.

Right round.

What have y'all been doing,
farting around back here?

Whoo! My decade.

You look seriously awesome.

I dressed like this. In the 80s.

Yeah, I dressed like this
in like, fifth grade.

And I had a party,
I had a Madonna party,

and looked like that.
Did I do it justice?

I love it.
I love that bow.

Hey! Hey!

Did you know it was the 80s?

Hey, my generation is the 60s.

You look beautiful.

So what kind of dance
do y'all do?

Now what about
the Mashed Potatoes?

The Mashed Potato--

And then I'd do a little
of the Pink Panther.

Ooh, whoo!

You think these kids
are gonna dance? I hope so.

Middle school's
kind of like a weird--

Will they do it?
Will they not? I know.

Lily, explain to me
why all the boys

act like they are
scared of the girls.

They don't even
want to talk to 'em.

Well, I mean, we're girls.

They're guys, so...

I mean, why don't y'all
just go talk to them?

Because it's still
weird for us too.

Well, then why do we invite boys

if they're not gonna dance?

Mom, you have to
have boys at a party.

I mean, you have to.

Well, I mean, we had your dad.

Mic check, one, two, three.

We just want to thank
all you guys for coming out.

We love you guys.
We especially love Lily.

Whoo! We love Lily.

Lillian Mae Robertson,
13th birthday.

That's a big deal. Whoo!

You're awesome.
You're like the coolest kid I know.

And, since this party is
kinda a little lame right now--

What? Lame.

Me and my boys got
a little something planned.

We're gonna start
this party off right.

This is me and my crew.
I'm Jank-Free Jep.

This is Nasty Nicky Sticky.

And Dirty Dan-cing.

I'm Dirty Dan-cing.

Yeah, that sounded creepy.

And we are...
Ya Mom'N'Em.

You think I look good
in this thing?

Yeah.
You look awesome.

Word. Would you guys like to see

a little entertainment tonight?

Would you like to?
All right!

Dad, stop. Do it, Dad!

No.Turn it up!

I'm a little worried right now
about my dance.

But I think this is
exactly what these kids need

to break the ice.
They need a fire-starter,

and that's me.

They're gonna
cry themselves to sleep.

You know what?
I'm gonna do it anyway.

Because Daddy knows best.

Coming live and direct out
of West Monroe, Louisiana,

this is Word to Ya Mom'N'Em.

Jep. All right, here we go.

Crew, let's do it.

Start it over!

Everything's okay?

Let's do better this time.

My goodness.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Spin!

What!

We'll do that again.

Lily is our first child

to become a teenager.

So I'm feeling
a little bit old right now.

But more just grateful,

that we've raised
this young lady.

And she's turned into,
honestly, an amazing kid.

I mean, she's awesome.
We couldn't be more proud.

We done real good.

Good job, Daddy. Tell Mama.

That breakdance
blew this party up.

You know it.

You definitely held the party.

It was the coolest thing
about the party.

That's debatable.

Hey, bub. Hey, buddy.

Hey. We just did
our first 80s party,

and it was awesome.

It was totally tubular!

The 80s was all about
neon and mullets.

And it was also super cool,
'cause people dressed like this.

Anyway, one day
I'm gonna show you

my sweet
breakdancing moves, buddy.

Lily, did you like
my breakdancing?

Kinda.

Look, when you're bigger
we can have another 80s party.

We're gonna
do something awesome.

Buddy, you got a lot of
awesome parties ahead of you.

We love you.
Signing off.

See ya', buddy.