Jeeves and Wooster (1990–1993): Season 4, Episode 2 - Lady Florence Craye Arrives in New York (or, the Once and Future Ex) - full transcript

(Man) Lord Worplesden,
you gonna meet Chichester Clam?

That landlubber's
not gonna make safe harbour.

(Woman) No, Mr Clam.

ls there talk of a merger
between your two companies?

Absolutely not.
l'm just going for a walk, that's all.

(All shout)

Yep. l said he wouldn't make it.

You did, Mr Clam.

Damn and blast
all reporters and all photographers!

- What's wrong, Uncle Percy?
- Didn't see Chichester Clam!

Are you going out? You're not
meeting George Caffyn, Zenobia?



- Don't be silly!
- Theatrical good-for-nothings!

- l'm going to call on Bertie Wooster.
- That idler is in New York?

Can we please have a little less noise,
Daddy? l am trying to write.

Sorry, Florence, my dear. (Laughs)

Aah!

- (Giggles)
- Edwin!

Well, Jeeves, what news?

Your costume
for Sunday's Fourth of July ball arrived.

- Abraham Lincoln?
- Yes, sir.

l'm looking forward to donning whiskers
and stovepipe hat. Anything else?

Miss Hopwood was here,
with Mr Caffyn.

Was she, by Jove?
l wish l'd seen the young troutling.

l gather that she and Mr Caffyn
have an understanding, sir.

Well, well. Time to dust off the old
topper and sponge-bag trousers, eh?



Yes, though Miss Zenobia said
it was necessary to keep it a secret.

Really? l can't think why.

Talking of dusting things off,
is it your birthday?

- lt's very good of you to remember, sir.
- Any little gift l can get you?

- The sky's the limit, Jeeves.
- That's kind of you, sir.

There has recently been published
a new edition of the works of Spinoza.

l would appreciate that very much.

Spinoza? lt shall be delivered to
your door in a plain van without delay.

- Good morning.
- Good morning, sir.

l want to buy a book. Spinoza.
Collected whatnots.

l'll see if we have it in stock, sir.

Good gracious!
Bertie! ls it really you?

- Florence! Good heavens!
- Fancy meeting you.

And in a book shop, of all places.

What trash are you reading?
Spindrift.

Why, Bertie!
Fancy you buying my novel!

- l must autograph it for you.
- Oh, autograph it! Yes, quite. Good-oh.

l wish Cheesewright read something
other than the Police Gazette.

l didn't know
you knew Stilton Cheesewright.

D'Arcy and l are engaged.
Why do you call him Stilton?

lt's what we called him at school.
lt's a joke.

l don't understand.

No. Old Stilton's
not still in the police force, is he?

- Yes, he is.
- How's that going?

- Extremely well, as a matter of fact.
- We don't have Spinoza, sir.

- l can get it for you for tomorrow.
- Fine, if you would. Yes.

Bertie! Do you really read Spinoza?

Oh, rather, yes!

lf l have a spare moment,
l'll be curled up with Spinoza's latest.

You know, we ought
to see each other more, Bertie.

Oh, yes. Absolutely.
Well, toodle-oo, Florence.

Excuse me, sir.
That's $1 .75 for the book.

Book? Oh! Yes, of course.

- Yes.
- (Florence laughs)

There.

You and Nobby are planning
to leap in the orange blossoms?

- Absolutely.
- Yes, l heard and was much stirred.

l consider Nobby
to be a sound young potato. Cheers.

What did you want
to see me about?

Her Uncle Percy disapproves of me.

But why? You're an eligible bachelor.

You write plays. You've had an offer
to go to Hollywood.

He's suspicious of people in the theatre.
Oh, no. lt's Cheesewright again.

Stilton Cheesewright? How odd.
l was just talking about him.

Alcohol.

He's engaged
to Worplesden's daughter.

Poor devil. l was once.

l don't know how they're getting it.

- What ho, Stilton.
- Bertie Wooster!

The same.

- What are you drinking?
- That's decent of you. l'll have...

Alcohol! l'm surprised at you, Bertie.

There are laws
against alcohol in New York State.

Yes, but...

l'm doing a course with
the New York Police Department.

l'm surprised at the lax way
their prohibition laws are enforced.

- Well...
- Cheesewright's stiffening them up.

Oh, jolly good! Well done, Stilton.

- l just ran into Florence.
- l wasn't aware you knew Florence.

Oh, good Lord, yes.
Yes, we're old chums.

Known her long?

Erm... A certain time.

Know her well?

Erm... Pretty well.

Fairly well.

Well, tolerably well.

(Coughs) l've met her, l think.

- Dark girl, isn't she?
- l have to get back to rehearsals.

Walk back with me.
See what you think of the show.

Right.

- George, we're in trouble.
- Not again.

lf the girls don't get
their money by Monday,

they won't dance on Tuesday.

- Billy, Billy, talk to them.
- They're serious.

- Tell them they'll get their money.
- OK.

- Anything l can do?
- lt's quite simple, really.

- There's a fellow, Chichester Clam.
- He owns boats.

He wants to sell his boats
to Worplesden and retire.

Then he's going to put $50,000
in the show.

Well, Worplesden's got pots of money.

lf the press hear,
the share prices will rocket.

lt won't be worth doing the deal.
They're watching him.

Can't they write? ''Here's the cheque.
Regards to the little Clams.''

They have to meet to complete the deal.

lf we could arrange a meeting
where the press can't get at them.

Wouldn't do you any harm
with Worplesden either. Boats, eh?

George, your troubles are over!

The Wooster brain
has slipped smoothly into gear.

l'll go and see Worplesden
right away.

(# Piano plays Charleston-style)

Do you want somebody?

Yes, l do, Edwin.
l want to see your father.

- That's a quarter.
- What do you mean, a quarter?

Then l won't tell him you hit me.

- Why should they think l hit you?
- Because l'll tell them you did.

You're a despicable little termite, Edwin.

- You shouldn't spoil him, Bertie.
- What ho, Florence!

Run along, Edwin, dear.

Ah, what a dear little chap he is!

You shouldn't have come.
Things are over between us.

- Well, quite.
- l do know you are trying to change.

Cultivating your mind, considering
at last the serious questions in life.

But it's too late, Bertie.

- Hello, Daddy!
- Florence, my dear.

- What are you doing with him?
- He's come to see you.

l'll leave you to it.

- Chasing my daughter again?
- No. May l sit down?

l'd rather you didn't. What for?

l hear that you've got a problem.

What's that got to do with you?

l think l can say without fear of
contradiction, l've got the answer.

l can get Summers
to drive you home.

- lt's five minutes' walk.
- You mustn't tire yourself.

Hello, Uncle Percy.
Bertie! What are you doing here?

This young man
has answered my problems, Zenobia.

Goodbye, Wooster.
l'll telephone Clam right away.

By this evening, you'll be able to play
on a stringed instrument. lt's all in hand.

- Hold off the starboard bow.
- Starboard bow, Mr Clam.

Worplesden and Clam meet.
George gets 50,000 notes for the show.

Most satisfactory, sir.

But my Machiavellian wiles
do not end there.

- Sir?
- The meeting is successful.

A grateful Worplesden
addresses Bertram in broken tones.

''lf there's anything l can do, Wooster.''

''As a matter of fact, there is,''
replies Bertram.

''Let Nobby marry Georgie.''

- Highly ingenious, sir.
- lt's going like clockwork.

So far, sir.

- There they are!
- Follow that boat!

Someone's following us!

Oh, no!

How old do you have to be
before you can marry?

- 21 . ln a year's time.
- There you are. Just wait a year.

George goes to Hollywood
next month.

And l don't think he ought to go
without a wife.

- To keep his mind off the local fauna.
- There is no love if there is no trust.

- Who told you that?
- Jeeves, l imagine. Sounds like him.

Well, Jeeves is an idiot.

- Nobby, l've just had a brilliant idea!
- Oh, no.

That lake business was too complicated.
Simplicity, that's the key.

- Another idea for Clam and Uncle Percy?
- Absolutely.

Yes, ''the simplicity of genius'' is
a phrase you may find on your lips.

- Uncle Percy won't listen to you again.
- He will this time!

Jeeves, your master
has had a wonderful idea.

l want a word with you, Wooster.

Ah. Mr Cheesewright
has been waiting for you.

Yes, so l see. Thank you, Jeeves.

- What ho, Stilton.
- Don't ''what ho'' me!

l know why you're in New York.
For a bit of snake in the grassing.

- Snake in the...
- Grassing.

You came to sneak round Florence.

- My dear chap...
- You said you knew her fairly well.

Florence has now confessed
that you and she were engaged!

Really?

Good Lord, yes! Yes, you know,
she's absolutely right!

lt comes back to me now.
Long time ago.

- The whole thing's over?
- Definitely.

How do you account for this?
''To Bertie, with love from Florence.''

Ah, yes! That's rather amusing.

Wooster, if l catch you saying
so much as one word to Lady Florence...

- l wouldn't!
- No. And you better not!

And no writing to her, either!

No sneaky notes delivered
by some seedy go-between.

l know those games.
And just remember...

l'll be watching you. You may not see me
but l'll be watching you.

(Snorts) Mr Cheesewright
has gone right off his cadoova.

He did seem somewhat
over-stimulated when he arrived.

l must say, l don't like
the way that Lady Florence...

- What are you doing?
- Laying the dinner table.

No, no. That table
is the very article of furniture

across which Worplesden and Clam

will be meeting face to face
in ten minutes' time.

Am l to understand
that this apartment

is to be the venue for
a secret meeting between them?

You are. Yes, the legendary Wooster
cunning has bobbed up once again.

Even if the press follow,
what's more natural

than Lord Worplesden
visiting an old friend?

Clam can come up the back stairs.

Rather a long climb
for an elderly gentleman, sir.

Mm, longish, Jeeves. Longish.
These tycoons are tough, you know.

- What you got to tell us?
- How about a statement?

This is a visit to an old family friend,
Bertram Wooster.

- What about the Clam deal?
- There is no Clam deal!

That's not what we've heard.
This is just ridiculous!

(All shout)

- Keep back!
- What are you doing?

(Doorbell)

- Good evening, Lord Worplesden.
- Jeeves.

Evening, Wooster.
l think this might work.

- Bound to. ls the back door open?
- Yes, sir.

- Would you?
- Oh.

Should be here.

Oh, they're always late, tycoons.

Chichester Clam is never late.
Where's the back entrance?

Ah!

Give me the letter! Give me the letter!

Come on,
you seedy little go-between!

(Whistle blasts)

OK, Cheesewright, we got him.

What's happening?

You numbskull!
They've arrested Chichester Clam!

D'Arcy Cheesewright
is an overbearing idiot!

Oh, come. Splendid fellow, Stilton.

D'Arcy Cheesewright
is an uncouth cossack!

- lsn't that what clergymen wear?
- He told me he came here.

- l can only apologise to you.
- Oh, well, think nothing of it!

He had no right to talk to you
the way he did. He doesn't own me!

- No.
- And l told him as much.

l told him that modern thought

sees marriage
as a partnership between equals.

He said something unforgivable
about modern thought.

Look, Florence, l mean, old Stilton.
l bet you remorse is gnawing at him.

No, he loves you devotedly.
This is official.

Whether he loves me or not
is not at issue.

He's also very fond of modern thought.
He said so the other day.

lf you give Stilton the bum's rush,
you'll kick yourself.

Oh, Bertie! You are extraordinary!

So quixotic.
That's what l love about you.

Nobody would dream it is
your dearest wish to marry me.

Well...

No. Let us have
no more misunderstandings.

l'm thankful l've seen the meaning
of your shy overtures.

l will be your wife, Bertie. l will!

(# Charleston piano)

Georgie, l'm engaged to Florence again.

Congratulations.
That's a bit sudden, isn't it?

Florence is like a volcano.

You think it's extinct,
then suddenly you're covered in lava.

Sure. Sure.

This number's not working.
How did it go?

- How did what go?
- Your Worplesden plan.

Disaster. Cheesewright arrested
the party of the second part.

- Clam and Worplesden didn't meet?
- No, l told you.

- So l don't get the money?
- (All) Huh?

Well... l suppose not.

(All) Oh!

Forget about Clam and Worplesden.

Let's concentrate on the other matter.
My engagement to Nobby.

How about this?

Suppose some great blustering brute

barges into old Worplesden's study
at ten sharp tomorrow morning,

calling him every name under the sun
and making himself offensive.

What?

l'm waiting outside the study window

and at the psychological moment,
l stick my head in,

and in a quiet, reproving voice, say,
''Stop, Bertie!''

- Bertie?
- The brute's name.

l stick my head in and l say,
''Stop, Bertie!

''You are forgetting yourself.

''l cannot stand idly by
and listen to you abuse a man

''l admire and respect

''as highly as Lord Worplesden.''

Hold on. Hold on a minute.

lf you think l'm going to hurl abuse
at Worplesden, think again.

- You mean you won't do it?
- No.

That's a pity because
you won't be able to use my method

for extricating people
from the clutches of Florence.

- What method?
- The Georgie Caffyn method.

Simple but effective.

- Why can't l use it?
- You don't know what it is.

- You could tell me.
- No, Bertie.

The method can only
be imparted to real friends.

Ones who are as true as steel.

l never thought
you'd stoop to blackmail.

- Then you'll do it?
- Absolutely not.

Under no circumstances.

- Wooster!
- Oh! What ho, Stilton! Must rush!

- l warned you, Wooster!
- l was an innocent bystander.

She wants to marry you!
- You know how these things happen.

No, l don't.

- l don't want the blasted woman!
- What?!

l do. l do!
But l know it can never be.

Not when you're standing about
with nothing to do.

l'll have something to do.
l'll be busy tearing your ears off!

Oh, what ho, Florence!

Best not tell Lord Worplesden it's
my idea. We don't exactly hit it off now.

lf this deal is gonna go through,

l've got to announce it
at my AGM next Tuesday.

l'd wear a monkey suit if that was
the only way to meet Worplesden.

Well, since you mention it, sir,

it seems that it might be possible
to arrange a meeting

if one of the parties is,
as it were, invisible.

- Any sign yet, Jeeves?
- No, sir.

Ah! Here he comes now, sir.

Keep me posted, will you?

He's approaching the cages now, sir.

Ah... Ah-ha!

- No!
- Jeeves, sit down!

Worplesden mustn't know we're here.

He's approached the wrong cage, sir.

What's wrong with the old idiot?

- Very good outfit, Clam.
- (Clam) Worplesden! Over here!

(Laughs)

Whoa!

(Shouting)

Ah, great!

l've got to find out what George's
method is for getting rid of Florence.

When l was in service
with Lord Worplesden,

Mr Fittleworth
was engaged to Lady Florence.

Boko Fittleworth? l never knew that!

The tendency to rush round getting
engaged to Florence is inexplicable.

What happened, Jeeves?

He suffered many an indignity
at the hands of Edwin, sir.

- As have we all, Jeeves.
- Yes, indeed, sir.

The opportunity to avenge himself

came one afternoon in the garden.

He saw Edwin bending over
a flower border, collecting caterpillars.

Go on.

Unable to resist,
Mr Fittleworth raised his boot

and applied it to Edwin's fundament.

Unknown to Mr Fittleworth,
Lady Florence was seated nearby,

reading an improving book.

lncensed by the assault,

she rebuked Mr Fittleworth roundly.

And soon announced
an end to their betrothal.

Good grief, Jeeves. lt's the simplicity
of it. Just catches one in the throat.

lt is moving, isn't it, sir?

- l don't want to go in the garden.
- Yes, you do. The birds are singing.

l don't like birds.

Your father
dropped some money out there.

- Money?
- Yes.

Did Mr Wooster say what he wanted?

Merely that it was a matter
of some import.

- l can't see it. How much was it?
- Oh, a lot. A lot.

Look, there!
l think l saw something gleam.

- What? Down here?
- Yes.

Oh, Bertie, thank you!

lt's uncanny, isn't it,
this bond we have between us?

How did you know that
is just what l wanted to do myself?

Oh!

- Edwin, just go to your room.
- Ah!

l paid him $2 to paste in the reviews
of Spindrift into my album,

and he's put them in the wrong way up.

(Florence) You wanted to see me?

No, it doesn't matter now.
l'd better be going.

Shall you be at the Fourth of July ball?

Yes, l suppose so.
l've got the whiskers now.

Good.

l'm going as the spirit
of resurgent womanhood.

Psst! Psst!

Shut the door.

- George says you're being difficult.
- l won't insult your uncle.

- You mean you won't help us?
- l won't inflame your Uncle Percy.

- Oh, but it's a terrific method.
- You tell me what it is.

No, Bertie. Tomorrow morning
you insult Uncle Percy,

George defends him,
then we tell you.

Don't you trust me?

l'd sleep easier knowing
l won't be engaged tomorrow.

l don't care how you sleep,

as long as you're in Uncle Percy's study
at 10am tomorrow, insulting away.

Ow.

(# Charleston piano)

Stop. Stop.
This number's not working.

Let's put the scene where
Bobby proposes to Maisy before it.

lt means writing a new song
but l can do it tonight

and have it ready
first thing tomorrow.

This is Being Beastly
To Lord Worplesden Day.

Miss Zenobia delivered this earlier.

Earlier? ls there an earlier?

lt contains all you need know
about Lord Worplesden.

lt certainly does, Jeeves.

Good Lord, l never knew that!

l can't say all that
to Lord Worplesden. Look at it!

lt does seem somewhat intemperate, sir.

The references to his eating habits
are unfortunate.

He has been sensitive to
such matters since his first wife

remarked he ate artichokes
like a rabbit gnawing at a fence post.

l hope George interrupts me
before the worst bits.

Wooster, just the chap l wanted to see.

- Me?
- Have a drink, Bertie.

- Well, it's a bit...
- Nonsense!

lt's never too early
to have a glass of brandy.

Well, first and foremost,
l want to express my appreciation

for your fine taste and judgment
in booting young Edwin yesterday.

l heard about it last night.

Sent me up to bed with a warm glow,
l can tell you.

- (Laughs)
- Yes, well, you see...

Thinking over
some of our recent meetings,

l fancy you may have the idea

that l'm a bad-tempered,
cross-grained old chap.

You must make allowances.
Don't judge a man with a son like Edwin

by the same standards
as men who haven't.

(Clock chimes)

Yes. Now...

- Now look here, Worplesden...
- Yes, my dear fellow?

l want to say something to you
about your method of eating artichokes.

(Worplesden) Get out!

- How did it go?
- Where's George?

- What do you mean?
- He was meant to come in. He didn't!

Oh, l could kill him sometimes!

Wait a minute!

What about the method
to get rid of Florence?

Always thinking of yourself!

- Well, l've done my bit!
- No, you haven't!

You've got to get approval
for me to marry George.

That was the arrangement.

(Doorbell rings)

- Good afternoon, Mr Caffyn.
- No, it's not.

Bertie, it's over.

- What is?
- My engagement to Nobby!

She found you, did she?
Serves you right!

- Where were you?
- l fell asleep.

Nobby woke me. l don't know
where girls get these expressions from.

- What expressions?
- l couldn't repeat them.

lt was an extraordinary feeling.

The sensation
of something whirling about,

like being attacked
by a deranged Pekingese.

- How did it all end?
- l'm not sure.

lt depends
what was meant by the words,

''l never want to see you again
in this world or the next, you fathead.''

- That's nothing!
- Making conversation, you think?

You can't go by what a girl says
when she's giving you hell.

lt's like Shakespeare.
Sounds well but means nothing.

l hope you're right.
l've got to get back to rehearsals.

Good day, sir.

Well, Jeeves?

Your original plan might still be made
to perform its function.

Which particular original plan
would that be?

Lord Worplesden, grateful to you
for arranging his meeting with Mr Clam,

consents to the betrothal
of Mr Caffyn and Miss Zenobia.

And they tell you
how to extricate yourself

from your engagement
to Lady Florence.

But we're overlooking one point.

We don't know how to arrange
the meeting.

lf l might make a suggestion, sir.

Mr Clam is attending the fancy-dress ball
at the Empire State Building.

lf Lord Worplesden were to attend...

They'd both be in costume
so the press wouldn't recognise them!

Precisely, sir. Mr Clam is attending
in the guise of Edward the Confessor.

Lord Worplesden, echoing
the maritime nature of his business,

could wear a Sinbad the Sailor suit.

Jeeves, l think this is it!

We have a dozen reports of pickpockets
in the 34th Street and Broadway area.

So keep a lookout for anyone loitering.
That's all, men.

(Man coughs loudly)

Yes, Cheesewright?

There's a ball at the Empire State
Ballroom tonight, Captain Corrigan.

And?

l've heard liquor is to be served there.

Well, this is a private party.
We keep out of that sort of affair.

Well, l don't think that's right.

- Oh, you don't, Cheesewright?
- No, sir, l don't. The law's the law.

OK, Cheesewright, what do you think
we should do about it?

- Disguise, you say?
- All the guests will be in disguise.

The occasion is a fancy-dress one.

Quite. l'd forgotten that. Quite.

l see what you mean.

l'll do it. That's it, Jeeves. l'll do it.

- First rate, Jeeves.
- Thank you, sir.

- Bertie!
- Who are you, George?

l'm Edward the Confessor.

You can't. Chichester Clam's
going as Edward the Confessor!

lt's all they had left.
A job lot from Hollywood.

From Flowerdew's epic, Edward And
Hardicanute: Knights Of Passion.

- This won't do, Jeeves.
- lf you'll allow me.

Even Worplesden isn't going
to mistake me for Chichester Clam.

Florence is ''the spirit
of regurgitated womanhood''.

- l don't like the sound of that.
- We may as well enjoy it.

l'm going to be married to Florence
and you'll be standing on 42nd Street

asking passers-by for the price of
a Broadway musical with full chorus.

l think you'll find that satisfactory.

That's better. Off to the dance.

- l'm sorry you aren't coming.
- l shall be at home with my Spinoza.

Enjoy a pleasant evening,
Your Majesty, Mr President.

(Thunder)

(# Jazz band plays Anything Goes)

They can't be sober, Captain Corrigan.

- The bar is only serving soda pop.
- They're getting it somewhere.

- Oh! We meet at last.
- What?

They couldn't keep us apart this time!

Get out of here, you loony!

(Thunder rumbling)

Bertie!

What ho, Florence.

- Clam?
- What?

Are you Clam?

- l'm Edward the Confessor.
- Well, my!

You're a very pretty little girl,
you know that?

- (Man) Watch it!
- l do beg your pardon.

- l've been thinking, Bertie.
- Ah. Right.

A quiet ceremony, l think.

Just close family and a few friends.

- Ceremony?
- Our wedding, Bertie. Do buck up!

Oh, wedding. Yes. Right.

lt's awfully hot in here.
l'm feeling faint.

- lt'll be cooler on the roof.
- Right. l think l'll...

l'll come with you.
Let me find Zenobia first.

- Pardon me, Mr Clam.
- Speak up, young man!

l believe you are looking
for Lord Worplesden.

- Yeah?
- Allow me to take you to him.

Pardon me, my lord,
but this is Mr Chichester Clam.

- Ahoy there, Worplesden.
- Clam!

l've looked for you everywhere.

lf l might suggest that you repair
to the observation platform.

l think that there you should be
undisturbed by the press.

lt's been a long voyage,
Worplesden. l'm parched.

Where can we get a drink
before we go?

l'll show you.

Right, come on.

l've found two men drinking!

- Well, l don't think...
- They're going up on the roof!

Oh, God. Hold this, thank you.

- Here, this way!
- What?

Come on! They're on the roof!

- Ten million dollars!
- Eight!

- Nine!
- Done.

(Both laugh)

(Woman) Have you done the deal?
Have you done the deal?

(Man) Your shareholders, Mr Clam?

(Thunder)

- lt's that damn woman again!
- Stop! Stop!

A quiet ceremony, we thought.
Didn't we?

- Quiet, yes.
- Zenobia, l've got to talk to you.

Do you know this person, Florence?

How much did you pay?

- Stop in the name of the law!
- (Gunshot)

lt'll be cooler up here.
We can talk about the guest list.

The guest list? Ah, yes!

Bit chilly! l'll go and put my vest on.

Bertie!

Bertie's very confused.
He's feeling faint.

(All shout at once)

The tower!

You, you snake in the grass!

Hey, you! You're under arrest.

- Wooster, you louse!
- Stand still, you...

Cheesewright! You're firing
at a superior officer!

Sorry, sir. He's slippery.
He got in the wrong position.

D'Arcy! What on earth is going on?

Hello, Florence.

Excuse me.

What's the low-down on the deal?

Mr Worplesden! Mr Clam!

Wait for me!

- Out of the way!
- Who are you?

Police!

Come back here, Wooster,
or l'll tear your head off!

Wooster, you snake in the grass!

Nobby, please talk to me.

l have nothing to say to you,
George Caffyn.

Come here, Wooster.
l'll break your spine, you snake!

They'll hear your teeth rattling
back in England!

Come here, you snake in the grass!

l'll use your head as a doorstop.

Where's the crow's nest on these
things? They're gaining on us.

- lt's Uncle Percy.
- Daddy!

Hey! They're all related!

(All scream)

(Buzzing)

My God, they're being fried alive!

Someone should save him, Mr Caffyn.

l'll get them down.

What a story!
Tycoons in rooftop lightning drama!

- What about the takeover?
- Nah, that's nothing.

Yeah, who cares?
This is human interest.

Songwriter saves millionaire
from radio-mast doom.

(American accent) Right.

Gee, that guy's a hero!

Oh, Georgie!

- This is the scoop of the year!
- Yeah!

Oh, Bertie! Are you all right?

What an extraordinary feeling!

Bertie, your hat is on fire!

What's this?

Bertie, it's Spindrift!

lt's my novel! You've been using
my novel to line your hat!

- How dare you?
- l'm floating on feathers.

l never want to see you again,
Bertie Wooster!

D'Arcy!

Oh, my poor darling.

We cannot adequately know
particular things,

either our own bodies
or external objects,

- except by inter-relation.
- D'Arcy!

Thus all sense experience which is
the mental correlate of the action

of external things on our own bodies

and all unscientific generalisation
from that sense experience.

lt's Spinoza!
Oh, he's found his true self at last!

- Clam in skyscraper love triangle.
- What love triangle?

- We'll think of something.
- Oh, George! You were so brave!

By Jove, Clam,
that bathtub gin packs a wallop!

- Terrible.
- What do you say, we have another one?

- Good thinking!
- Uncle Percy!

- l'm going to marry George.
- Of course you are. Absolutely.

Good luck to you. Come along, Clam.

What was your method
of freeing me from old Florence?

What do you mean?

You were going to tell me
how to oil out of getting hitched.

Don't be silly, Bertie.
We didn't have any method.

You didn't have any... You let me risk
life and limb and you hadn't an idea?

We'd have thought of something,
wouldn't we?

Sure we would.

l'll be dashed!

- Most extraordinary thing, electricity.
- So l understand, sir.

l feel quite rejuvenated,
if that's the word.

lt is possible, sir. Galvanotherapy
enjoyed a vogue a few years ago.

You'll be glad to hear my schemes
worked like a dream.

Worplesden and Clam met.
Their companies merged.

- Ditto Nobby and George.
- That is good news, sir.

Best of all, Lady Florence and Stilton
are heading for the altar.

Leaving Bertram as unencumbered
as before. Frankly, l blame Spinoza.

Sir?

lf l hadn't bumped into Florence,
the thing would never have got going.

True, sir.
All in all, an enjoyable evening?

Highly enjoyable.
You should have been there.

That's kind but l hardly think
it was my sort of occasion.

No, well, chaqu'un ? son gout.

Very true, sir.

- Will that be all, sir?
- Yes, that'll be all.

- Good night!
- Good night, sir.