Jackie Chan Adventures (2000–2005): Season 1, Episode 9 - The Rock - full transcript
Tired of Jackie's interference, Valmont lures Jackie into a trap and poisons him with a potion that will turn him to stone. He offers Jackie the cure, in exchange for the Talismans.
You're not gonna get away with
this, chan.
Hey, hey, hey! Where you goin'?
"Hey" is for horses.
Speaking of which,
I'm the winner by a nose.
Chan!
Aah!
Hunh!
After him!
Chan jacked my gear!
Snowboard!
♪ Da da da da da ♪
Huh! Unh!
Aah, uhh!
"Quiet! Avalanche zone"?
Unh!
All: Shhhh!
♪ Da da da, fum fum fum fa ♪
Guys, wait up!
Quiet.
What?!
Be quiet!!
[Rumbling] Ooh.
Ooh, mama.
All: Whaaaa! Whoa!
Hmm?
[Grunting and groaning]
Living large...
Extra large.
[Coughing, sneezing]
Ah-choo!
Ah-choo!
Ah-ah-choo!
Cover your mouth.
[Shivers]
Big "v,"
you th-think you could
turn up the h-heat?
Shendu: Allow me.
That's plenty.
Much obliged.
Careful, shendu.
If you charbroil the help,
they'll never find
the next talisman.
The next talisman is
insufficient, valmont.
I need all 12 to shed
this petrified form
and regain my true powers.
We are working on it, shendu.
With your customary ineptitude.
Once again,
this chan has snatched a talisman
from your so-called
professionals.
[Coughs]
Too bad chan ain't
workin' for us.
Hmm.
Perhaps he can be persuaded.
Level one security card?
Check.
[Buzzes]
I punched in your
birthday, captain black.
Invalid code. Nice try, though.
It's not polite to hack
into security systems
that don't belong to you.
I saw a 7!
Whoa, slow down, little lady.
The entire floor
is a sensor field.
Shall we put horsey
in the stable?
You mean the talisman?
You didn't bring it?
Uh, no.
Uncle's still trying to
research what magic...
It has.
Heh heh.
Uh, uncle and his crazy hobbies.
[Beeping]
[Buzzes]
"Namsilat?"
Talisman spelled backward, duh.
You get an "a" for
effort, smarty pants.
But not only is section
13 top secret...
It's impenetrable.
Shendu: This potion
should accommodate
your needs perfectly, valmont.
Then by this time tomorrow,
chan will have no choice
but to work for the dark hand.
Now for the bait.
I have translated
the inscription
on the back of the talisman.
A very perplexing riddle.
"If activated, the noble horse
expels all alien forces within."
Hmm.
I bet those alien forces
inside the talisman
fly out and latch
onto human brains
and turn people into
mind-control zombies
to conquer the world.
Eh, the alien forces
signal the mother ship
to launch an invasion?
This isn't the martian talisman?
There is no such
thing as martians!
The talismans are magic.
[Cell phone rings]
Hello?
Jackie, the mainframe
located another bogey.
Pack your toothbrush.
You're going to mount rushmore,
south Dakota.
I'm on my way.
Let's rock.
Uh, uncle needs you.
You, uh, you were this close
to solving the riddle
of the talisman.
Let's crack that code.
Unh!
Uhh!
The talisman couldn't
be in the gift shop?
Ahh.
What big eyes you have.
Don't blink, Mr. president.
Huh?
The snake talisman?
We already got that one.
Ye-aah!
Ohh.
Oh-ohh.
Valmont.
Upsy-Daisy.
Ooh, snake bite. Could be fatal.
You bring me all
the way out here
to poison me?
A rather appropriate
lure, since the venom
now rushing through your veins
will soon turn you to stone.
Just because I believe
in magic talismans
doesn't mean I am gullible.
Visual aid.
In 12 hours, Mr. chan,
you shall be among
the statuesque.
The venom takes 12 hours
to fully infect humans.
Fortunately for you,
an antidote does exist.
I can provide you with that
antidote, Mr. chan.
What's the catch?
An exchange of goods:
The cure to your affliction
for the talismans in section 13.
Should you decide you're
interested in my offer,
you may rendezvous with my men
at coit tower in exactly 11
hours, 52 minutes.
And don't forget the talismans.
Ugh!
Where is the antidote?
You think I'd be foolish enough
to bring it with me?
Uhh-aah!
Uh-uh-uh.
Need those talismans.
Ulp.
Ach! Urgh.
Ech.
Ah, so it begins.
Time is a-wasting, Mr. chan,
and it's a 2-hour flight
back to San Francisco.
You're turning to stone?
I have until 6 A.M.
Valmont's men will be waiting
with the antidote at coit tower.
Wh-what are we gonna do?
The riddle of the horse
talisman can wait.
I will make an antidote.
But, uncle,
we don't know the formula.
Bah! Mine will be just as good.
Swallow.
[Coughs, gags]
That's the antidote?
No. Fermented beetle
larva is good protein.
[Dripping]
Drink.
[Gulp, gulp]
Oof.
Gee-heh. Ach!
Gee-yee-aah.
Jackie: What? What is it?
Nothing.
Don't...
don't look in the mirror.
What? Aaaaaah!
I told you not to
look in the mirror!
Oh! I am a lizard!
I will become a stone lizard!
Uncle: See?
Reptiles shed their skin.
No problem.
Uh, did the antidote work?
Eh, huh, ach!
Jade: Guess not.
Maybe captain black could get
the section 13 doctors to help.
Pfft,
modern medicine has no power
over ancient spells.
I will make another antidote.
- Jade: Jackie?
- Aah!
Jackie, you have to give
the talismans to valmont.
I can't.
According to the legend,
the power in each
talisman is nothing
compared to the power
of all 12 combined.
But if you're all
turned to stone,
who's gonna stop the dark hand
from getting the
talismans anyway?
That's captain
black's department.
I'm just research, remember?
Jackie, please!
I don't want a
Boulder for an uncle.
Captain black,
I need a ride back to
section 13 for Jade.
It's past her bedtime.
Ok. If that's the
way you want it.
It was 3 digits ending in 7.
3 digits, 7?
Captain black,
I got your number.
The only way to save
Jackie is Jackie-style.
I have a new antidote.
This may sting.
Unh!
Hmm.
[Cell phone rings]
Yes?
She what?
Caught it all on tape.
Jade's made her point.
She can be an agent
when she grows up.
Now tell her to
return the goods.
Yes, I will tell her.
[Coughing, sneezing]
Valmont had to pick the
draftiest place in town.
[Sniffle]
Should've called in sick.
Could I bum a tissue?
All right, you sickos.
Let's get down to business.
Ain't it past your bedtime?
[Chuckles] Where's chan?
Never mind him.
I've got everything you want...
Right here.
Well?
How do I know
that antidote's the real deal?
That'll work.
Ah-ah-choo!
The talismans.
Jade, don't!
Aah-ohh.
I have to, Jackie.
You're running out of time.
Thank you.
[Gasps] No!
Oh-aah? Unh.
[Laughing and coughing]
One is missing.
No way!
I cleaned out the vault.
[Gasps]
I forgot the horse
one at uncle's.
Um, if you give me the antidote,
I really for sure promise
to get you the other one.
Scout's honor?
Tsk, like she's a scout.
Noooo!
Why?
Ah-choo!
Because chan makes me sick!
Jackie.
Don't worry, Jade.
Uncle will come through.
We don't need your
stinking antidote!
Unh! Uhh! Unh!
[Panting]
Unh, oh, uhh.
[Clunk] Ow!
Ooh.
Aah!
Grrr.
Oh, aah.
Oh, that doesn't hurt at all.
Unh! Hey, give me that!
Unh! No fair! Hey, stop it!
Jackie!
Uncle!
You found the antidote?
No. I brought the horse talisman
to trade for their antidote.
Both: Ohh.
One more thing: I also brought
the antidotes that did not work.
Maybe if I mix them together.
Aieeeyaaa!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-choo!
Gesundheit.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Uhh-uhh-uhh-uhh-uhh!
Uhh-uhh-urr-uhh-uhh-uhh!
[Crash]
Tohru: Ow.
That ought to keep him,
unless this is the
sprout-wings-and-fly talisman.
Both: Get her!
Jade!
The dark hand will... ooga-ugh!
Never have... gulp!
All 12...
Jackie!
A dollar says his
hand'll snap right off.
Deal. Deal.
You stay away from him!
Oops. Uhh, unh!
Heh, heh.
Uncle: 2 more things...
[Growls]
Both: Hey!
Aah! Aah!
Oof! Oof!
Aah!
Oh, Jackie.
He was very brave.
I miss him, uncle.
He left a fine memorial for us:
Looks just like him.
[Sniffles]
We could put him in the garden.
Or outside the shop
to ward away evil.
[Thumping]
[Takes deep breath]
Ahh.
My cold is gone, like magic.
"The noble horse expels
all alien forces within."
The riddle!
It doesn't mean aliens
within the talisman.
It means aliens within the sick
person holding the talisman.
The horse is the
healing talisman.
Think it only works on colds?
The talisman.
How'd tohru activate it? How?
Ah-choo!
Hey.
Hey!
Hyah!
Aroo-uhh-uhh, uhh-ugh-uhh.
Uhh-uhh-urr-uhh-uhh-uhh.
[Crash]
Tohru: Ow!
Jackie!
Ohh.
I told you I would
bring the antidote.
You must never question uncle!
Thank you both.
Now, we have some
talismans to return.
I've got some explaining to
do, huh?
We will just tell captain black
we were between a
rock and a hard place.
Heh heh.
Boy: Hey, Jackie,
do you have a favorite color?
My favorite color:
White, blue... light blue.
Green is good.
As normal as possible.
When I look at the sky...
All blue, all white:
So beautiful.
Sometimes for the movie
I'm wearing a red,
pink, uh, purple...
I don't like that.
Mostly I like white.
White means calm, gentleman,
nice person and handsome.
this, chan.
Hey, hey, hey! Where you goin'?
"Hey" is for horses.
Speaking of which,
I'm the winner by a nose.
Chan!
Aah!
Hunh!
After him!
Chan jacked my gear!
Snowboard!
♪ Da da da da da ♪
Huh! Unh!
Aah, uhh!
"Quiet! Avalanche zone"?
Unh!
All: Shhhh!
♪ Da da da, fum fum fum fa ♪
Guys, wait up!
Quiet.
What?!
Be quiet!!
[Rumbling] Ooh.
Ooh, mama.
All: Whaaaa! Whoa!
Hmm?
[Grunting and groaning]
Living large...
Extra large.
[Coughing, sneezing]
Ah-choo!
Ah-choo!
Ah-ah-choo!
Cover your mouth.
[Shivers]
Big "v,"
you th-think you could
turn up the h-heat?
Shendu: Allow me.
That's plenty.
Much obliged.
Careful, shendu.
If you charbroil the help,
they'll never find
the next talisman.
The next talisman is
insufficient, valmont.
I need all 12 to shed
this petrified form
and regain my true powers.
We are working on it, shendu.
With your customary ineptitude.
Once again,
this chan has snatched a talisman
from your so-called
professionals.
[Coughs]
Too bad chan ain't
workin' for us.
Hmm.
Perhaps he can be persuaded.
Level one security card?
Check.
[Buzzes]
I punched in your
birthday, captain black.
Invalid code. Nice try, though.
It's not polite to hack
into security systems
that don't belong to you.
I saw a 7!
Whoa, slow down, little lady.
The entire floor
is a sensor field.
Shall we put horsey
in the stable?
You mean the talisman?
You didn't bring it?
Uh, no.
Uncle's still trying to
research what magic...
It has.
Heh heh.
Uh, uncle and his crazy hobbies.
[Beeping]
[Buzzes]
"Namsilat?"
Talisman spelled backward, duh.
You get an "a" for
effort, smarty pants.
But not only is section
13 top secret...
It's impenetrable.
Shendu: This potion
should accommodate
your needs perfectly, valmont.
Then by this time tomorrow,
chan will have no choice
but to work for the dark hand.
Now for the bait.
I have translated
the inscription
on the back of the talisman.
A very perplexing riddle.
"If activated, the noble horse
expels all alien forces within."
Hmm.
I bet those alien forces
inside the talisman
fly out and latch
onto human brains
and turn people into
mind-control zombies
to conquer the world.
Eh, the alien forces
signal the mother ship
to launch an invasion?
This isn't the martian talisman?
There is no such
thing as martians!
The talismans are magic.
[Cell phone rings]
Hello?
Jackie, the mainframe
located another bogey.
Pack your toothbrush.
You're going to mount rushmore,
south Dakota.
I'm on my way.
Let's rock.
Uh, uncle needs you.
You, uh, you were this close
to solving the riddle
of the talisman.
Let's crack that code.
Unh!
Uhh!
The talisman couldn't
be in the gift shop?
Ahh.
What big eyes you have.
Don't blink, Mr. president.
Huh?
The snake talisman?
We already got that one.
Ye-aah!
Ohh.
Oh-ohh.
Valmont.
Upsy-Daisy.
Ooh, snake bite. Could be fatal.
You bring me all
the way out here
to poison me?
A rather appropriate
lure, since the venom
now rushing through your veins
will soon turn you to stone.
Just because I believe
in magic talismans
doesn't mean I am gullible.
Visual aid.
In 12 hours, Mr. chan,
you shall be among
the statuesque.
The venom takes 12 hours
to fully infect humans.
Fortunately for you,
an antidote does exist.
I can provide you with that
antidote, Mr. chan.
What's the catch?
An exchange of goods:
The cure to your affliction
for the talismans in section 13.
Should you decide you're
interested in my offer,
you may rendezvous with my men
at coit tower in exactly 11
hours, 52 minutes.
And don't forget the talismans.
Ugh!
Where is the antidote?
You think I'd be foolish enough
to bring it with me?
Uhh-aah!
Uh-uh-uh.
Need those talismans.
Ulp.
Ach! Urgh.
Ech.
Ah, so it begins.
Time is a-wasting, Mr. chan,
and it's a 2-hour flight
back to San Francisco.
You're turning to stone?
I have until 6 A.M.
Valmont's men will be waiting
with the antidote at coit tower.
Wh-what are we gonna do?
The riddle of the horse
talisman can wait.
I will make an antidote.
But, uncle,
we don't know the formula.
Bah! Mine will be just as good.
Swallow.
[Coughs, gags]
That's the antidote?
No. Fermented beetle
larva is good protein.
[Dripping]
Drink.
[Gulp, gulp]
Oof.
Gee-heh. Ach!
Gee-yee-aah.
Jackie: What? What is it?
Nothing.
Don't...
don't look in the mirror.
What? Aaaaaah!
I told you not to
look in the mirror!
Oh! I am a lizard!
I will become a stone lizard!
Uncle: See?
Reptiles shed their skin.
No problem.
Uh, did the antidote work?
Eh, huh, ach!
Jade: Guess not.
Maybe captain black could get
the section 13 doctors to help.
Pfft,
modern medicine has no power
over ancient spells.
I will make another antidote.
- Jade: Jackie?
- Aah!
Jackie, you have to give
the talismans to valmont.
I can't.
According to the legend,
the power in each
talisman is nothing
compared to the power
of all 12 combined.
But if you're all
turned to stone,
who's gonna stop the dark hand
from getting the
talismans anyway?
That's captain
black's department.
I'm just research, remember?
Jackie, please!
I don't want a
Boulder for an uncle.
Captain black,
I need a ride back to
section 13 for Jade.
It's past her bedtime.
Ok. If that's the
way you want it.
It was 3 digits ending in 7.
3 digits, 7?
Captain black,
I got your number.
The only way to save
Jackie is Jackie-style.
I have a new antidote.
This may sting.
Unh!
Hmm.
[Cell phone rings]
Yes?
She what?
Caught it all on tape.
Jade's made her point.
She can be an agent
when she grows up.
Now tell her to
return the goods.
Yes, I will tell her.
[Coughing, sneezing]
Valmont had to pick the
draftiest place in town.
[Sniffle]
Should've called in sick.
Could I bum a tissue?
All right, you sickos.
Let's get down to business.
Ain't it past your bedtime?
[Chuckles] Where's chan?
Never mind him.
I've got everything you want...
Right here.
Well?
How do I know
that antidote's the real deal?
That'll work.
Ah-ah-choo!
The talismans.
Jade, don't!
Aah-ohh.
I have to, Jackie.
You're running out of time.
Thank you.
[Gasps] No!
Oh-aah? Unh.
[Laughing and coughing]
One is missing.
No way!
I cleaned out the vault.
[Gasps]
I forgot the horse
one at uncle's.
Um, if you give me the antidote,
I really for sure promise
to get you the other one.
Scout's honor?
Tsk, like she's a scout.
Noooo!
Why?
Ah-choo!
Because chan makes me sick!
Jackie.
Don't worry, Jade.
Uncle will come through.
We don't need your
stinking antidote!
Unh! Uhh! Unh!
[Panting]
Unh, oh, uhh.
[Clunk] Ow!
Ooh.
Aah!
Grrr.
Oh, aah.
Oh, that doesn't hurt at all.
Unh! Hey, give me that!
Unh! No fair! Hey, stop it!
Jackie!
Uncle!
You found the antidote?
No. I brought the horse talisman
to trade for their antidote.
Both: Ohh.
One more thing: I also brought
the antidotes that did not work.
Maybe if I mix them together.
Aieeeyaaa!
Ah-ah-ah-ah-choo!
Gesundheit.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Uhh-uhh-uhh-uhh-uhh!
Uhh-uhh-urr-uhh-uhh-uhh!
[Crash]
Tohru: Ow.
That ought to keep him,
unless this is the
sprout-wings-and-fly talisman.
Both: Get her!
Jade!
The dark hand will... ooga-ugh!
Never have... gulp!
All 12...
Jackie!
A dollar says his
hand'll snap right off.
Deal. Deal.
You stay away from him!
Oops. Uhh, unh!
Heh, heh.
Uncle: 2 more things...
[Growls]
Both: Hey!
Aah! Aah!
Oof! Oof!
Aah!
Oh, Jackie.
He was very brave.
I miss him, uncle.
He left a fine memorial for us:
Looks just like him.
[Sniffles]
We could put him in the garden.
Or outside the shop
to ward away evil.
[Thumping]
[Takes deep breath]
Ahh.
My cold is gone, like magic.
"The noble horse expels
all alien forces within."
The riddle!
It doesn't mean aliens
within the talisman.
It means aliens within the sick
person holding the talisman.
The horse is the
healing talisman.
Think it only works on colds?
The talisman.
How'd tohru activate it? How?
Ah-choo!
Hey.
Hey!
Hyah!
Aroo-uhh-uhh, uhh-ugh-uhh.
Uhh-uhh-urr-uhh-uhh-uhh.
[Crash]
Tohru: Ow!
Jackie!
Ohh.
I told you I would
bring the antidote.
You must never question uncle!
Thank you both.
Now, we have some
talismans to return.
I've got some explaining to
do, huh?
We will just tell captain black
we were between a
rock and a hard place.
Heh heh.
Boy: Hey, Jackie,
do you have a favorite color?
My favorite color:
White, blue... light blue.
Green is good.
As normal as possible.
When I look at the sky...
All blue, all white:
So beautiful.
Sometimes for the movie
I'm wearing a red,
pink, uh, purple...
I don't like that.
Mostly I like white.
White means calm, gentleman,
nice person and handsome.