Into the Dark (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Good Boy - full transcript
"Blondes Have More Fun" by
Photronique feat. Kaci Brown...
♪ Everybody's got
their own special color ♪
♪ And they work it
like a star ♪
♪ Yeah, the russet,
the brunette ♪
♪ Ya grew it, ya bought it ♪
♪ It doesn't really matter,
baby, long as you flaunt it ♪
♪ All the boys are crazy for
the different kinds of shades ♪
♪ But if you're lookin'
for a good time ♪
♪ You know we're famous,
don't blame us ♪
♪ The best way to name us ♪
♪ Is color of sunshine ♪
♪ No, no, no, no,
don't be so fast ♪
♪ To underestimate
the lighter shade ♪♪
Aww.
How old?
Maybe 2, maybe 6.
We're not really sure.
You've never taken
a career placement test?
- Not even in seventh grade?
- No!
You have to understand,
Wisconsin is deep,
deep dairy country.
So everyone's groomed
to be a cheesemonger
like their cheesemonging daddy
and his daddy before him?
Yeah, something like that.
So if you have your heart
set on journalism,
it is really... not the most
exciting place in the world.
Wow!
I'm drinking with
a true pioneer, Maggie.
Coming all the way out
to the big city and all.
Well, I don't know
if I'd consider Reseda
a big city, but...
I thought you lived in LA.
Um... it is LA.
Technically it is,
if you look at the map.
And also the setting
of The Karate Kid.
Oh, speaking of kids,
um, I didn't see any
in your profile pic.
Is that... is that more of, like,
a "Don't have 'em just yet"
kind of thing, or like,
"Ew, gross, the thought
of changing a diaper
makes me want to die"
kind of thing?
I guess I just haven't
given it much thought
at this point.
I mean, I'm only 36.
Totally, I know.
Don't have to think
about that just yet.
I like your T‐shirt.
Thanks.
This is a
guided mindfulness meditation.
Begin by focusing
your attention inward.
Discover the internal flow
of your own, unique energy.
Feel the rhythm
of your heartbeat.
Expand the field of awareness
around your breathing.
Anything that causes the body
to grow tense or stiff,
allow these feelings
to simply exist.
Remember to say to yourself,
"It's already here.
Whatever it is I'm feeling,
it's already here.
Let me feel it."
Number eight!
Margaret, you home?
Coming!
- Margarita!
- That's not my name!
Parking fee.
All units that have a space
in the garage now pay.
But we're rent‐controlled
and you just raised
the rent in January.
This no rent increase.
This parking fee, see?
I realize that's
what you're calling it,
but it's really just, like,
basically a rent increase.
Not $1,000, not $100, 90.
- Bea!
- Pay end of month, okay?
- It's here, it's in...
- Okay, okay,
I'll just read it,
I'll read it, I'll read it.
Three, two, one...
What's better than marshmallows
for an awesome cause, right?
Plus, anything to
raise awareness.
Who knows how many eyeballs
we'll get in your...
Valley Yeller!
Yes.
Olive, did any
of that even get in your tummy?
I'm getting you
cleaned up, yes, we are.
You know, Olive here
is a great writer.
Oh, yeah?
What do you like to write?
She's a little
shy with grown‐ups.
Hey, if your kids like
sweets, bring them by.
We're going till four.
Yeah, thank you, thanks.
Come on.
Doctor's office,
how can I help you?
Hi, I'd like to make
an appointment, please.
Almost done?
I don't think
there's anything
left in that one.
There's always more.
Hey, Maggie, I'm Dr. Davro.
Hey!
I was going to
say, "Nice to meet you,"
but it looks like we met before.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I actually came in a while back
for a fertility test.
So, no retrieval?
No, it was more of
a state of the union,
but it's been a minute.
I've had a couple bad dates.
Yeah, it's rough out
there, I get that a lot.
So I thought,
maybe it's time
to take some initiative.
So, another check‐in?
No, a retrieval,
if it's not too late.
Okay, well, that's
what we're here to find out.
So, you are...
38.
39.
You sure?
You have a donor in mind?
Just freezing for now,
to buy myself some time.
Statistically,
we have less success
freezing geriatric eggs,
but we're gonna stay optimistic.
So, same as before.
We're gonna run
three blood tests
and a transvaginal ultrasound.
And it's, uh,
it's 10,000 for the harvesting,
500 a year for freezing,
and 5,000 for thawing?
Before you worry
about all that,
let's just see if we can.
This may feel
a little uncomfortable.
- Maggie, Maggie.
- What?
- They need you.
- Oh, shit.
Sorry, I'm so sorry!
I thought that interview
with that choir director
would never end!
What?
We're going digital.
- What?!
- Sorry, Mags.
It sucks, I know,
but I want to be very clear,
no one's being laid off.
So, what would you call this?
You're becoming
independent contractors.
- What?
- You'll get paid per story,
get to work from home.
Hey, that's kinda nice, huh?
What about our
salaries, our benefits?
Those will...
no longer be covered
by The Valley Yeller.
- What?
- This is our new COO,
Frank Ramos.
He's a bright, young hotshot
out of Palo Alto.
Or is it Pasadena?
Anyway, he's from
the parent company,
he knows a thing or two
about the world wide web,
and he's going to
walk you through...
the new corporate structure!
I'm sorry, how much would
we even be making per article?
Okay, okay, everybody...
...everybody breathe, right?
We're gonna take
it nice and easy.
I feel it getting
a lot warmer in this room,
and I mean friendlier.
Look, Maggie,
you think I knew print
would die in my lifetime?
Keeping the Yeller alive
hasn't been exactly a cakewalk.
I wanted to throw myself
off the damn roof
every day this past year.
Pat has worked
here for seven years!
I've been here for 12 years!
I've been here 11 months, Don.
- See?
- I know, I know, I know.
Maggie, we're lucky
we survived this long.
Think about it.
Does Reseda even need
a culture editor?
Came out wrong, came out wrong,
but everybody, check the pulse.
Nice and easy,
nice and easy, okay?
I've got something to tell you.
Two words, okay?
Flexible, flexible, and adjust.
You're calm, everybody's calm.
You got to be flexible.
You got to adjust.
Am I right, Evan?
And there's a third word.
Do you know what
the third word is?
- Severance?
- No, it's transition.
Here to there, that's life.
A baby to an old man,
or a baby to an old woman.
Check the pulse,
and we got breakfast outside
if anybody likes, right?
Adjust, flexible...
I can't even feel my pulse.
Everyone's getting their news
online these days, right?
Which is why I'm telling Don
what we need is
a digital ad blitz
to save the print edition.
Okay, our slogan:
"The Valley Yeller:
We could all use more paper."
- Hello?
- Hello, hi, Maggie?
This is Dr. Davro from
the Fertility Center.
Hi, yeah, hi.
I'm calling
with some good news.
Your levels all came
back within range,
which means I believe you are
a good candidate
for egg freezing.
Have you guys heard of
something called crowdfunding?
Now, your numbers are
substantially lower
than last time,
so I suggest we get you
in as soon as possible
since the next time
could be too late.
Would you like to speak to
someone about payment options?
- Um...
- Maggie?
- Let me hold those eggs.
- Can you just give me...
Give me a fucking second!
What was that?
Maggie!
Sorry for being
a bit brusque earlier.
You do know we love you
at the paper, right?
Or whatever, e‐zine, blog,
whatever the fuck you
want to call us now.
We're gonna get you
writing a bunch.
You know what?
Here.
Mints, to help take
the edge off.
- Is that weed?
- They're mints, Maggie!
My shrink recommended
them for my stress.
Pot makes me paranoid.
They're nothing.
It's 2.5 milligrams.
And listen, for a guy
who doesn't dig meds,
it was either them or
an emotional support dog,
but, you know, I have allergies.
That's too bad.
I could totally see you taking
a Shih Tzu out for dinner.
No!
All right, I'm gonna go
work from home now.
Consider it, okay?
A support animal?
- Jesus!
- Come on!
You said you're
in the shit, right?
A dog will give you
something to focus on
other than yourself,
especially if you're
gonna be at home.
They're loyal,
you can pet 'em whenever
you're feeling nervous.
- I know how dogs work!
- Okay.
But they can sense your anxiety,
so it's not a bad idea.
Consider it, okay?
- Okay, I will.
- Okay.
Here.
For you, okay?
Just in case. In case!
Feel good!
Bye!
Someone cares!
Like I always say,
there's no such thing
as a bad dog,
just bad owners.
So even the terrifying ones
can be trained,
is that the sales pitch?
With some love, sure they can.
Who's handsome?
Who's handsome?
Jesus...
Quiet down!
- Sorry.
- Never mind.
- Man's best friend, huh?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, you.
Wanna say hi?
Hi!
I won't bite, I promise.
Cute, right?
Yeah, we mostly get big dogs.
Surprised nobody's
snatched him up yet.
Does he have a name?
A2733.
Its human went to prison.
Police found him
and brought him in.
Hello.
Hey, he likes you.
Really? How can you tell?
Never done that for me.
You didn't?
Were you waiting for me?
Wow!
Come on! Up.
You liked me before.
Mmm.
Now you're into me?
Don't worry, yours is coming.
Drop it!
Drop it!
You just ate my Reuben,
you little shit!
How did you do that?
How did you do that?
You are so wild!
Are you a little Reuben?
Is that what you are?
You are, Reuben!
Hi!
Hi, babe!
Hi, honey!
Who's a good boy?
Who is the best boy?
♪ What's
the point of holding on ♪
Aren't you handsome, mister?
You are...oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh!
Good poop!
Good poopy‐woopy‐loopy!
Good poop!
♪ I don't wanna shout ♪
What are you doing here?
You little perv.
Reuben! Reuben!
♪ As long as I have you ♪♪
♪ Reuben, Reuben,
I've been thinking ♪
♪ What a great world
this would be ♪
♪ If the men were
all transported ♪
♪ Far beyond the Northern Sea ♪♪
Oh, bummer.
All right, buddy,
I have to go to work.
Good boy.
I'll be home in a few hours.
You are the cutest medicine.
Okay, there you go.
Have a good one.
- Um, hi.
- Hi...
- Maggie?
- Annie Powell?
I haven't seen you
since you were 9!
Ah, my God!
Come in here!
- Oh, hi, honey.
- Kiss.
Hi! What are you doing here?
How old are you?
Don't tell me, I actually
don't want to know.
- 26.
- What?!
I know! The girl
who wet the bed
when you babysat
is now officially...
Ready for this?
...Annie Morris!
Congratulations!
- Thank you.
- Wow, that's so...
- My college boyfriend.
- Wow!
- Isn't it beautiful?
- Yes!
God, I love him so much.
He knows me so well.
Are you guys
in town visiting, or...
We live here.
Yeah, we moved in
about a year ago.
- Do you love it?
- Are you kidding?
So much more than Wisconsin.
Also, I'm trying
to build my brand,
so this is kind of
the place to be.
Oh, you have your own company?
No, brand, like
my presence on social.
It's a wellness and
self‐help sort of deal.
Namaste, LOL.
Make sure you follow me.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Anyway, how are you?
Good, great, yeah.
I'm a reporter...
and I work here on the side,
just, you know, for fun.
Coffee is so fun.
Nothing, there's no problem.
He needs help, you're busy,
but, uh, are you on Insta?
I'll DM you.
Yes, please.
Great, okay, so I'm getting
the Americano with soy milk.
- You guys have that?
- Yeah.
And you know what,
I'm gonna grab one of these.
That is on me,
congratulations.
I hear the first year
is coffee beans?
- Is that right?
- Maggie!
You're still the same.
- No, I'm different.
- Thank you, Maggie.
I'm so excited,
we're gonna hang out.
It's gonna be great!
Yeah!
Okay, a quick little pic.
Do you mind?
Oh!
I'll tag you guys,
it'll be great.
Okay.
Guess who's home!
Somebody want to play?
Does somebody want to play?
You have to come out first.
Come on!
Reuben?
Come on!
Let's go, bud!
Reuben!
Come on.
Can't play all by myself.
Jesus!
Reuben, Reuben!
Ow!
Holy shit.
You doing some push‐ups
at the shelter or what?
Reuben?
Reuben?
There you are, you little nut.
Good boy.
You are so strong!
Did someone miss Mommy?
Did someone miss Mommy? Did you?
What do you think, Reuben?
Should I give it another shot?
I really had
a great time at dinner.
This place is...
it's really incredible.
Yeah, you like it?
It's a work in progress,
but, you know,
hey, aren't we all?
Thanks for letting
Reuben third‐wheel it.
He still gets really jittery
when I leave him home alone.
Oh, yeah,
what, are you kidding?
You saw my profile, right?
Animal lover.
The app don't lie.
So, when you said,
"Not interested
in playing games,"
you meant that, too, right?
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I'm a sucker for
Cards Against Humanity,
but, uh, just the dating game,
I just don't have
the energy anymore.
Thank you.
We're not getting any younger.
Yeah, I know, right?
And, you know,
I know how dudes are.
I mean, not all guys,
but, you know.
Patriarchy, I mean,
"Houston, we have a problem."
It's a piano.
Is it like a mini grand?
- Yeah.
- That's a thing?
- Yeah, oh yeah.
- Are those your parents?
Huh?
No!
No, they came with the frame.
You read my bio, right?
- I flip houses.
- Oh.
This one's about
to go on the market.
So you don't
actually live here?
No.
Plastic apple for the lady?
I'm full.
Hey, I want you to experience
the nirvana
that is a $10,000 sectional.
- Feel that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Oh, hi.
- Oh, God, you smell good.
- Oh...
Um, maybe... is there, like,
a dog‐friendly bar
in the neighborhood
we could go to?
Not in this neighborhood.
Okay, Nick.
All right, slow down.
I thought you didn't
want to play games.
Yeah, hence getting
to the point.
Let's go.
Okay, stop. Stop!
Stop!
Hey!
Hey, get down, you little shit!
Get off the fucking sofa, man!
Jesus, this is
chesterfield leather!
That's what you stop for?
What? No...
Hey, we're having fun, right?
What? What, come on.
It's not like I'm not
gonna eat your pussy too.
Oh my God.
Where's your bathroom?
Look, hey, just...
just chill out, okay?
I'm gonna go have a smoke,
and before you say anything,
that's in my profile too.
Boss.
You're so stupid sometimes.
Ow, ow, ow.
Okay.
Gross!
Reuben?
Let's go!
Ruby?
Shit.
Hey, asshole!
You let my dog out!
Reuben!
Reuben!
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh my God!
Oh, baby!
Come here, come here!
Oh my God, are you okay?
You catch the guy's plates?
Um... I...
I was just looking for my dog.
- Are you all right?
- I heard a screech.
By the time I came
out, the car was...
We've been telling
them for years
to put a damn
traffic light up there.
Oh my God.
Hmm.
Wow.
This is one delicious boy!
Yeah?
Look how good he's doing.
First vet visit, some dogs
won't even hop up on the table.
Okay, so I didn't find
anything bruised or swollen,
no road rash, no hot spots.
My guess is any blood
you saw on his fur
is likely due to him being
in the "splash zone."
What a relief.
Yes, it is,
you widdle muppet.
How's he doing at home?
He's good.
He's not, you know,
he doesn't play a lot,
really, at all.
And when he does,
it's not super, um...
playful.
Some dogs just need more time
to learn the fun stuff.
The shelter is
a hard‐knock life.
He scratched the front door
when I left for work
the other day.
That's just separation anxiety.
Maybe you're his
emotional support human!
Who rescued who, right?
"Who rescued who?"
I like that.
Thanks, Dr. Shah.
Before you run,
I do want to do
some quick blood work.
Standard protocol
for our first visit.
Heartworm, parvo,
that kind of thing.
Sure, no problem.
Thank you.
Oh, good boy.
That cat is fat as fuck.
Good boy!
What a hungry‐wungry boy.
Ooh.
- Hello?
- Hey, your story.
"Realtor's Hit‐and‐Run
Reignites Traffic
Debate in Encino"?
Yeah, what about it?
It got 6,000 impressions
in a day, Maggie.
That's the most
traffic we've had
since the relaunch,
three times over.
The LA Times just picked it up!
Holy fucking shit!
That's what I said!
You got that scoop
before anybody.
Hey, if we were flush,
I'd give you a bonus.
Keep the clicks up
and maybe I can.
Did you see that body?
It looked like it
got hit by a car
and mauled by a bear!
Ah, poor bastard, huh?
Wasn't even 40.
I know, he was so young.
Thank you for calling!
Oh... my... God!
And on an exhale,
we're gonna lower our
legs from our heart,
grounding our energy earthward.
Oh, thank you
for recommending this.
Well, you asked
for a dog‐friendly activity.
Plus, I've begged Adam to
do goat yoga for months,
so this is like
the next best thing.
Okay, everyone, let's move
into our hip opener
that our downward doggies
are going to love.
So are you
seeing anyone, Mags?
Ugh... no.
Not at the moment.
There was something
kind of serious before,
but we wanted different things.
At least we did then.
Well, you'll
meet your person soon.
You're a crazy catch.
And Reuben could be
a total dick magnet!
That's very nice of you,
and I am hereby banning the use
of the term "dick magnet."
And switch legs.
It is kind of gross.
But it's kind of cute.
Hello.
I remember you
from the restaurant.
Are you okay?
Oh, does your little dog
not like other dogs?
Normally she's fine.
Can I help you?
Are you okay?
Okay, everyone,
let's try to keep
our friends quiet.
Chatting is great,
just after class. Locust!
It's actually just her
dog that's the problem.
Actually, my dog's not
making any noise at all.
I think someone's
a grumpasaurus.
Well, he must
have a scent on him.
When's the last time you
expressed his anal glands?
When's the last time
you expressed yours?
Shh.
We're almost there,
we're almost there!
I go Las Vegas one week
and you bring dog?
No pet!
Bea, I understand
the no pet policy.
He is an emotional
support animal,
which overrides landlord rules.
I'll get you a doctor's note.
Doctor's note?
For what?
You no blind.
No, he's not a service dog.
He's an emotional support dog.
Oh, oh, because you so sad?
I don't think you understand.
- Legally...
- No, no.
You no understand.
I want the dog to be
out of this building!
Your garden looks lovely.
- No, I don't want no...
- Thank you!
Your plants look pretty!
Okay.
Hey, wait.
He pee on my wood floor?
You know, usually
people wait to be invited in.
What did he do to my door?
I will pay for this, okay?
The veterinarian says it's
separation anxiety, but...
Dog has now a therapist?
- Yo no entiendo...
- No, no, Bea, Bea, Bea,
I'm gonna buy a crate.
I'm gonna crate him.
From now on,
he'll be in a crate.
How about you move, hm?
- No.
- Yes, much easier.
- No, no, no.
- Much easier.
You move and you find a place
that is dog friendly
because here, I'm not.
I can't afford to move.
Bea, please, please.
Jesus Christ, please, okay?
You buy the cage.
- Yes.
- You shut him up.
- Promise.
- And you pay me
the parking fee by Friday.
- Yes, yes, 90...
- Okay?
If not, you do not do that,
you evicted from here
and adios, ciao, go bye‐bye.
No, won't be a problem.
I will pay all of those things.
Thank you! Thank you, Bea!
Fuck!
I know, I know.
I will be back.
Oof.
You won't even know I'm gone.
♪ Sing your song ♪
♪ Just for me, Andrushka ♪
What you doing here?
Oh, ma'am.
You forgot your Puppuccino.
Thanks!
- Here you go, yum‐yum.
- Oh my gosh.
You like it?
Oh...
We actually close in one minute.
Oh, that's perfect.
Americano, it takes,
like, 30 seconds, right?
Yes, okay.
Thanks.
Let me know
if this tastes okay.
Sometimes our espresso
is a little... meh.
Are you allowed to say that
with a Klara's
Coffee uniform on?
Well, technically
I'm off the clock.
If you'd come in
one minute sooner,
I would say it is to die for.
Thank you, Maggie.
Oh!
Duh.
And, uh, thank you
for, you know,
staying open late,
I appreciate it.
- Sure.
- Have a good night.
- You too.
- Thank you.
It is thought that sometime
in the distant past,
the world's entire population
of cheetahs was wiped out...
Awesome.
♪ Reuben, Reuben,
I've been thinking ♪
♪ What a great world
this would be ♪
♪ If the men were
all transported ♪
♪ Far beyond the Northern Sea ♪♪
Oh, no.
Ruby!
Oh...
Hey, sweetie.
Does my Houdini
like raspberries?
Yeah.
Oh, you scared me.
Who wants to go walkie?
Okay, buddy.
Oh...
- Hello?
- Hi, Maggie.
This is Dr. Shah.
I think something must've
gotten messed up at the lab
because Reuben's
blood work came back
all over the place.
Oh.
You think you can bring him in?
Maybe Thursday?
Oh, I know,
you're constipated.
I'm sorry?
Uh, sorry, not you. Reuben.
Yes, Thursday's great.
Thank you.
- Great.
- Okay.
Okay, one more errand
and we'll try again.
Bea?
Bea?
I have my...my parking check.
On time.
Bea?
Hello?
Bea?
Bea?
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
Oh my God, Reuben, no.
No poopy, no.
911, what's your emergency?
- Um...
- Hello?
Hello?
Anyone there?
Hello?
Oh, fuck.
Reuben, what the fuck?
Did you do this?
How did you do this?
You're only 10 pounds!
Let me talk to her.
Hey, Bea!
Hey, Bea, we know
you're in there.
Your lights are on.
Does she have a fucking dog?
Oh, baby.
It's okay.
It's okay, sweet boy.
It's gonna be okay.
No one could ever
think that you...
would do this.
If anything, they would...
Shit.
Oh, God!
Yeah!
Okay.
Okay, you stay here
and don't make a peep, okay?
¿Comprende?
Okay.
Good boy.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
- Have a nice day.
- You too.
Oh my God. Um...
Hello?
This is
the Veterinary Health Center
confirming your appointment
for tomorrow at...
- Cancel!
- ...1:30 p. m.
If you'd like to confirm
your reservation...
- Cancel.
- ...please say yes...
Cancel!
- Hey, Annie.
- Hey, Mags!
You look stressed out.
I do?
Oh my God, okay, question.
Question for you.
Mags, you okay?
What's going on?
Yeah, sorry, I, uh...
my landlord.
Oh, she's in your apartment?
What...oh no, I...no,
I actually haven't seen her
in a couple days and she
didn't cash a check of mine,
which is very unlike her.
And you're getting worried?
Aw, you must really care
about her, huh?
Not really.
She was actually kind
of a bitch.
Is!
Oh my God...is a bitch.
Is that a horrible thing to say?
Um, not at all!
Oh my God,
I love you like this.
Okay, I literally just
dropped a pod about this.
Mags, life isn't just
black and white, okay?
It's totally natural
to feel two things at once.
What you need to get
comfortable with
is living in the grey.
Have you been sleeping?
Having this furry little
pillow doesn't hurt.
Staying active?
Lots of long walks.
Honestly,
kind of sounds like
you're thriving, Mags.
Maybe he really
is half‐Xanax.
- Thanks, Annie.
- Don't thank me.
Thank Ruby!
Thanks, Reuben.
Aw, babe.
Hi, do you live here?
I do.
Do you?
Kind of.
I'm Elena Rodriguez.
I'm the interim
property manager.
Oh, I'm Maggie.
Where's Bea?
I wanted to ask you.
Well, actually, all the tenants.
She missed a beauty
appointment the other day
and I've been trying
to get in touch.
I hope she turns up soon.
You probably wouldn't
if you'd ever met her.
I'm her niece.
Oh shit.
Sorry about that, sorry.
Seriously, you're fine.
I know my aunt can
be a bit severe.
Unlike this stud!
Hi, is he friendly?
Hi!
Miss Rodriguez?
I'm in here!
- No way.
- Wow.
Easy, killer, easy.
Shh, Reuben.
You guys know each other?
We've met.
Not about this.
Not about this.
You're a cop.
Wow.
I was gonna text you, I swear.
- No, it's fine.
- I really...no, I really was.
Please, it's fine,
it's all good.
No, I'm still going to.
I'm playing hard to get.
- Just, you know, on duty, so.
- Okay, I'll stop.
Well, if you or Reuben
ever need anything,
please don't be afraid to ask.
I'll be staying in
Bea's unit, okay?
Oh, great, yeah, thank you,
that's really sweet.
My pleasure.
Bye!
You wanted to see the alleyway,
right, Detective Cadden?
Absolutely.
You know, the pool
could use a cleaning.
If you have time.
Bea still hasn't
gotten around to it.
I'm on it.
Great.
This way.
Reuben.
Of all the people
to forget to text!
All right, be honest.
Did the badge
kinda freak you out?
No, not at all.
All right, good, good.
Well, I'm glad
you followed through,
unless you're trying to
get out of a parking ticket.
No, I'm more of
a get out of a parking ticket
on the second date kind of girl.
But I did remember something.
She was in Vegas.
- Who?
- Bea.
Always talked about
how the slots loved her,
but now I'm like,
what else was she up to?
Hm.
What?
This turned into
work drinks really fast.
If you don't want this
to be a date‐date...
- No, I do.
- Are you sure, 'cause...
- It is, I'm sorry!
- No, no, I mean,
'cause you really are
free to leave whenever.
Am I also free to stay?
Well, in the brief time
that I've been working there,
I've discovered that everyone
is actually a monster
before they've had
their morning coffee,
and that I can operate
the hell out of a French press.
Man, listen,
you're about to get poached
by one of those bougie ass
coffee shops so fast.
Well, I'm actually
a journalist,
so I'd rather get
poached by The Times.
I believe it'll happen.
What about you?
Are you divorced?
Yeah, six years out.
- Hm.
- Deal breaker?
Uh, no,
actually, the deal breaker
is the 40‐year‐old
perpetual bachelor.
I've met enough of them
to know to run.
But what about you?
Have you ever been married?
Um, mm‐mm.
No, I, uh,
I came close once,
but, um, yeah.
Kids?
Just the one I adopted.
But it's more like
who rescued who, huh?
Aw, you?
Uh, you know,
it's on the list.
- Okay.
- It's like a...you know.
- Right.
- But for now,
I am just Uncle of the Year.
Let's see.
Oh, you guys are cute.
- Aw.
- I know.
That's really cute.
Well, oh...
We should do this
again sometime.
Yeah.
You know!
You know we're home!
Hi!
Hi.
Reuben!
Reuben, Reuben!
You made
the right choice coming in.
I wanted to come
as soon as I could.
Timing isn't everything,
but it is a lot of things.
So, we're gonna put you on
something called Gonadotropins.
This is going to mature
and release your eggs
during ovulation.
If you get any hot flashes,
changes in vision,
any unusual discomfort,
just give me a call.
- Sure, no problem.
- Due to the high
progesterone levels,
you will probably experience
some psychological side effects.
Mood swings,
irritability, insomnia.
Some patients report
feeling out of control,
and at times, out of
touch with reality.
I'm not concerned.
Well, apologize
to your loved ones now.
So, where are you in your cycle?
I started my period yesterday.
Well, you're making
my job easy.
We can administer
your first shot today,
and then the nurse
can teach you how to do
everything else from home.
In 12 days, we can do
your first retrieval.
And then, you just might not
have to fight
that clock anymore.
What the fuck?
Two hundred and fifty dollars?
I'm sorry, Don, is this
with or without my bonus?
Mags, I was using
a figure of speech.
That's not the...
Oh!
Who's the little guy?
Did you get one?
"Someone really earned
a bonus" is a figure of speech?
You're a freaking editor, Don!
- I need that money!
- Okay!
Take a deep breath.
It's not that I don't
wanna up your pay.
You're doing great reporting,
but take a look around.
Did you see anyone in the
newsroom when you came up?
Yeah, you!
This is still your office,
isn't it?
I'm being serious now,
you lose the attitude!
It's not like I'm making
a windfall here either.
And in case you forgot,
I got a wife and two kids
that I provide for.
Who's to say
I wouldn't like that too?
Obviously that's
not what I meant!
You just said it
was great reporting!
For the Valley Yeller,
Maggie!
What, you think your
Pulitzer's in the mail?
Look, for a bigger paper,
maybe you'd get bigger checks.
I don't know,
couldn't hurt to look.
Do you hear that, Reuben, now
he's trying to get rid of me.
That's not what I said,
it's obvious
they don't work after all.
Excuse me?
You're being
a little hysterical.
And you're being
a little drunk!
Does Frank know what
you put in your coffee
all day, every day, Don?
What're you gonna do?
You're gonna tell him?
Frank's on vacation, Maggie.
And you're fired.
What?
Are you serious?
No.
I was just using
a figure of speech.
You still got crap on your desk.
Please get rid of it.
Best of luck to you and Toto.
Jerk!
Fuck you!
"Your Pulitzer's in the mail."
Fucking asshole.
Reuben!
Toto?
Reuben!
Ah!
Good boy.
Good boy!
You're beautiful.
To the most gorgeous
managing editor
The Valley Yeller's ever had.
- Woot woot!
- And to no more
half‐caff soy frappes.
And wait, wait, wait.
To Don,
who taught me everything I know
and who was clearly living
with so much pain.
May his memory
be for a blessing.
- For a blessing.
- For a blessing.
So, Nate.
My turn to be bad cop.
I...who said I...why does it
have to be a bad cop?
- I'm so...
- I said I'm bad cop.
I'm asking the questions.
Okay.
What are your intentions
with my former babysitter, punk?
Hm.
Uh, for one, clearly
soaking up her genius.
I mean, look at her.
Obviously.
And for two, if it's cool,
for you to be my girlfriend.
I'm a nervous laugher.
Mags, what do we think?
Obviously it's a great answer,
but I think I'm just gonna
have to keep him in custody
for a little while longer.
- Oh!
- Oh!
What do you think, Reuben?
Hi, hi, buddy.
I think Reuben and I
have the same pajamas.
Okay.
Um, um, hey, can...
Uh, can we, can we, um,
can we just have a minute
with the...
Yes.
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
- Just a little privacy.
- Yeah, yeah.
No, I get it.
Come here, baby.
We're gonna be grown ups
for a few minutes.
Nap time!
Uh, what's up with Alcatraz?
Oh, uh, his crate broke.
It's fine.
Come here.
I wanted to show you something
under the covers.
Come on, come on.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hi!
Thanks for doing that.
What can I say, I aim to please.
Your screen too?
Oh, yeah.
Perks of an old building,
I guess.
Right?
Let me know how that works out.
Okay!
- See ya.
- Bye.
Reuben, you're the best
assistant ever.
You are.
Miss Glenn?
Yes.
Can I help you?
I hope so.
Detective Woolsey,
West Valley LAPD.
Got a few questions for you
about a hit and run
a few weeks back.
Oh.
Yeah, on Bellflower?
The one I wrote a story about?
Yes, ma'am.
We're collecting surveillance.
Cross referencing cars that
may have passed through the area
between 10 and 11 PM.
Mhm.
Your story never
mentioned that you drove
to the neighborhood that night.
Journalists don't
typically insert themselves
in their scoops.
Sorry, am I not allowed
to walk my dog
in a nicer neighborhood
than my own?
Of course you are, ma'am.
We're just crossing our Ts.
Okay.
I appreciate your time.
Yeah.
That spray stuff really work?
We've got a Pekapoo
at home that's shitting up
all our carpets,
pardon my French.
They don't call it
Pet's Miracle for nothing.
- Pet's Miracle.
- Yeah.
That's a good name.
I like that.
I could use a miracle at home.
Thanks again.
Sure.
Coming!
Police.
Oh, hello, sexy mama.
Hello, Tommy Bahama.
What is this?
It's not my birthday
for another five months...
when I will turn 26 years old.
Open it, open it, open it.
It's a puppy cam.
For Reuben?
Why would I need this?
You know,
you get so, so anxious
when you're away from him
for a few hours.
I figured with this, we can
spend more time together,
longer nights out, you can check
on little Reuben from wherever.
It's on your phone,
it's the future.
Thank you.
That's really sweet of you.
All right, come on,
let's set it up.
Okay.
What do I do?
I'm watching you!
Uh‐huh, tell me that's not
the best butter pecan
you've ever tasted.
Well, it was until
you pronounced it "pee‐can".
What do you mean?
How do you say it?
"Pee‐kahn", you weirdo.
- "Pee‐kahn"?
- What?
Where did they...listen,
Wisconsin must be
a very strange planet,
'cause I've never heard
that before.
Hey!
Really, fuckface?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
Mags, we can just
go get another one.
It's a sidewalk, Nate.
It's for walking.
I agree with you, but...
- So give him a citation!
- For jogging in public?
I mean...
He can run the LA Marathon
somewhere else, he cut us off!
It makes me wanna cut him.
Don't look at me like that.
I mean, can we relax?
I'm relaxed.
I'm relaxing.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You're right.
It's okay.
He made me litter.
Can we go get you
some more butter pecan?
I'm not getting
butter "pee‐can."
Well, what're you gonna get?
I'm gonna get
butter "pee‐kahn."
Okay, well there's
definitely two tubs coming.
Maybe this time
I will try the mint chip.
Yeah, mint chip
was a good choice.
Fuck, that was good.
Can I, um, can I
get you some water?
Yeah.
Oh my God, you didn't...
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
it was still really good.
It's fine, no,
it's fine, really, it was...
I mean, I can hold
my breath for a...
I can swim a whole lap
holding my...
Well, I mean, I guess you
could turn the light off
and, you know...if you wanna.
You know you don't have
to be insecure about anything.
It's for ambience.
It's...I know.
Shit, it's almost one.
Honestly, I should probably
get back to the dog.
Puppy cam.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I forgot, I don't know how.
Ohh, look at him!
Looks like
Reuben Van Winkle to me.
He is sleeping.
We'll go check him out
early in the morning
and we won't make,
like, a habit out of it.
I can't make
a habit out of it.
- We're both responsible people.
- I'm a responsible pet owner.
You are a dog mom,
and I'm a friend of a dog mom.
So maybe turn that light off.
Okay, you don't
gotta tell me twice.
You bit me.
What?
Whoa, whoa, I just
went to the bathroom.
Are you okay?
I thought I heard
something on the roof.
Oh yeah,
I didn't tell you.
Reindeer infestation.
Total code violation.
It's just squirrels,
they keep me up too.
- Oh, okay.
- All right?
Let's go back to bed.
- Ugh.
- Come on.
Go to bed, Reuben.
Sure, I understand.
And when was the last time
you saw her?
Um, I believe I saw her
maybe just a few weeks ago.
You're making a mistake.
Stop!
Will you just listen
to me for two seconds?
For God's sake, Reuben.
What are you?
So my new landlord
killed my old landlord?
Wow, you know I really
can't discuss open cases.
Not even if
your girlfriend
lives next to a murder?
I told you things could get
messy when we started dating.
I'm just scared and I wish
you'd be more open with me.
Maggie, I wish
you'd be more open with me.
Why won't you get in the pool?
What?
You asked Elena
to clean the pool
and you haven't
gotten in one time.
And why do you always wanna
keep the lights off in bed?
Jesus, maybe
I'm self conscious.
What's your deal?
I noticed a bruise.
And the other night when
I was in your bathroom
looking for mouthwash,
I found a needle.
I really wish you
wouldn't go through my stuff.
It was an accident.
But I need to know,
are you using?
Drugs?
Oh my God, no, no,
not drugs, not drugs‐drugs.
I'm fine.
You're fine?
Were you fine with the jogger?
It's just
a female thing, okay?
A female thing with
a huge syringe, Mags?
You know, maybe you can stop
with the 20 fucking questions.
All right?
I'm sorry.
You can ask me all
the questions you want
about classified
police information,
but the moment I ask you
a question about...
I'm taking fertility
treatments, okay?
Wow.
I, um...
I'm not trying to get
pregnant right this second.
I'm just freezing, I'm freezing.
I didn't say anything
because we're still in,
like, the early days and,
you know, my clock doesn't,
like, care where
I'm at in my life.
And I just got a promotion
so I can afford it, and...
It'll let you move
at your own pace, right?
Yeah.
I think that is a great idea.
So, uh, when does
this thing happen?
- Soon‐ish.
- Hm.
- Tomorrow‐ish.
- Tomorrow‐ish?
Mags, that's like a huge deal.
They put you out
for that, right?
Yeah.
Do you need a ride?
Yeah, I do.
Okay, good.
Can we make the lights
go and the sirens?
I mean, settle down.
You're gonna do great.
Okay.
Maggie, how
are we feeling today?
- Hm.
- That's great.
Try not to fight the drugs,
all right?
Mhm.
Now the ultrasound
you're used to,
but this,
this you don't
wanna be awake for.
No, no, no, just settle in,
settle in, that's right.
That's right.
This'll all be very quick.
Now, you'll be sore after.
Remember, no sex for
the next two weeks,
and try not to work out
for the next few days.
Do you work out?
I jog every single night
through Woodley Park
past the Valley Yeller building.
You work there.
Right?
What were you doing
on the roof, Maggie?
Uh‐uh‐uh‐uh‐uh.
We can't have you running off.
I told them I wouldn't
let you leave.
Why did you do it, Maggie?
Why did you do it,
Maggie?
Why?
Six eggs?
That's like half a carton,
that's amazing.
- I know, right?
- Wow.
Hey, I'm sorry I couldn't
get the whole day off.
I totally would've joined
you and Anners for dinner,
but just try not
to get too crazy.
You need to rest.
Hope this Wisco girl
still likes mac and cheese.
Ahhh.
That sounds
delightful, okay?
Just don't tell my followers,
they think I'm doing keto.
Do you want
a glass of wine?
Uh, several.
I wanna enjoy my drinks
while I still can.
Adam and I are trying.
Annie!
That's so exciting!
That's so great!
How long have you been trying?
What?
What's wrong, what's wrong?
Reuben, no, off!
What, what, what, what?
I don't know.
Annie, are you okay?
Don't get me wrong, okay?
Like I've always
wanted to be a mom,
or at least I thought I did,
but things are just starting
to pick up for me
professionally,
and I'm gonna be traveling more,
and not to mention the oceans
are frickin' boiling
right now, Mags, okay?
And Adam, he just
keeps pushing me,
but a kid, a kid!
It's like...
It's a big step.
It's forever!
Yes.
You know, not all of us
need to be moms, you know?
I mean, I know you know.
Of course you know, I'm sorry.
I don't even know
why I'm freaking out.
It's just, you know,
every day I go online
and I tell people
how to hold it together,
as if I know what
the hell I'm even doing.
You sound like
someone I know...
before I got Reuben!
Maybe you need a dog
to help calm your anxiety.
You think?
I used to be such a wreck.
And he just made
all your anxieties disappear.
Like magic.
I'm not busy at all.
Someone missed a hell of
a roll call this morning.
Pissed about
the Clippers loss again?
It's gonna be a long year.
I'm not fucking with you.
You talk to Sarge?
What?
Close the door.
You know how
I couldn't place a car
at that hit and run in Encino?
Well, I checked the victim's
real estate nearby,
and some prints
I pulled matched a set
from your missing landlady
you've been working.
- No shit?
- Yeah, man.
You and I been sniffing
the same scent.
Sarge got another match
at the Valley Yeller.
Mm, that smells so good.
Oh, it's your boo!
- Should I?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Put it on speaker.
- Okay.
- Hey, Nate!
- Hey, it's both of us!
Hey, hey, guys.
Annie, do you mind if I just
speak to Mags alone
for a second?
Uh, I'm cooking, what's up?
Uh, you, um...
You sure we can't talk alone?
Uh, no, what's going on?
Did you know that
your boss was murdered?
And along with
some guy in Encino
and both are connected
to your landlady?
You think Elena did all that?
No, no, Elena was
cleared this morning, um...
Do you, do you know
anything about this?
I mean, how would
I know anything about it?
A reporter's only as
good as their sources,
and if you're just
finding out about it,
- how am I supposed to...
- No, no.
Maggie, no, I'm not,
I'm not talking,
I'm not talking
about your reporting.
Um...
What're you talking about?
Okay, this is not funny, Nate.
Annie, I'm talking to
Maggie for a minute, please.
Annie, just hang up the phone.
No, Maggie, look,
they've got prints.
They found prints,
Maggie, I really...
- Annie.
- Are you listening?
Maggie!
Fuck!
You okay, what's going on?
Shit. Bye, Nate.
What happened?
Are you okay?
Hey, what happened there?
Oh, okay, okay, calm down.
I know,
it's okay, I'm okay.
Seriously, why don't
we just eat tomorrow.
- You go home tonight, okay?
- No.
You just helped me,
now it's my turn.
Look, I know what Nate said was
scary, but you just have to...
Yeah, I know, I know,
but please just go home.
If someone really killed
those people and the police
have prints,
they're gonna get them.
I'm not asking you.
They're gonna get them, Mags.
You are making me
very anxious, Annie.
Okay, so you can
just pet the...
Annie!
Reuben!
Drop it!
No, no, Reuben!
Let go, no!
Reuben!
- Annie!
- Help!
Reuben, she didn't
even do anything!
She didn't even do anything!
Oh my God!
Drop it!
Bad boy!
You've reached Maggie Glenn
at The Valley Yeller.
I'm unable to take
your call right now
so please leave a message.
Where are you, Mags?
I'm sorry.
Oh, you're a good boy.
And Mommy loves you so much.
♪ Reuben, Reuben,
I've been thinking ♪
♪ What a good world
this would be ♪
♪ If the boys
were all transported ♪
♪ Far beyond
the Northern Sea ♪♪
You be a good boy, okay?
Okay?
Shit.
Annie, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
This is a
guided mindfulness meditation.
Discover the internal flow
of your own unique energy.
Anything that causes the body
to go tense or stiff,
allow these feelings
to simply exist.
Remember to say to yourself,
"It's already here.
Whatever it is I'm feeling,
it's already here.
Let me feel it."
Nate.
What do you do with the bodies?
How did you get in here?
It was unlocked.
I guess you were in a rush.
Should I come back with
a warrant or will you tell me
what you did with them?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
I just cut my finger
when I was cooking.
Look at you!
I know everything, Maggie.
I know what you did to Bea,
your boss, the realtor...
however the hell
you know that guy...
what you did to Annie.
I told you they've got prints
of Reuben and the other one,
wherever you've been hiding him.
This would be a great time
to start telling the truth.
Wait, what...the other one?
The big guy,
the guard dog or whatever.
The one you bought
this crazy cage for.
I didn't kill anyone, Nate.
Reuben did it,
he's not just a dog.
Oh no, he's an emotional
support animal, right?
- You know, I got it.
- Annie, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Look, he can feel
when I get anxious,
and he acts out, he acts on it!
He's not, he's not a bad dog.
- Just a bad owner?
- No, look...
No, listen, hands...
Maggie, Maggie.
I didn't mean for
anything bad to happen to Annie,
I swear, or Bea
or Don or Nick, even.
I mean, the last three
were assholes, but still.
Everything lately...
it's been getting better
and happier,
and I met you, and...
- Hands behind your back.
- Can you...
- Nate, please don't.
- Hands behind your back.
Please don't do this,
please, I'm not doing this.
- I wouldn't do this.
- Where are the dogs now?
Okay, I left Reuben
in the desert.
He won't be a problem anymore.
The other one,
where's the other one?
Where's the other one?
Nate, stop.
Nate, you're making
me very anxious!
I told you.
I told you he's not just a dog.
What the fuck pound
did you get this dog from?
You know what's funny?
This whole time, I just wanted
what everyone else had.
Someone to be there for me.
I finally got it.
Just not from you, Nate.
We're gonna be fine.
They're on their way.
Good boy.
It's already here.
Whatever it is
that I'm feeling,
it's already here.
Let me feel it.
So, you're
ready to take the plunge, huh?
What kind of dog
do you have in mind?
Yeah, I'd get a big guy,
but I feel like my roommate
would kill me.
What about that guy?
Oh yeah, the scamp.
Got him back in yesterday,
didn't work out.
Ended up with some crazy lady
who went to prison.
- You wanna hold him?
- Yeah.
Can I pick you up?
Oh!
He likes you.
That's good!
'Cause I think you just
found a new best friend.
♪ You are the star in the sky ♪
♪ You are the apple of my eye ♪
♪ You're the music
playing in my soul ♪
♪ And when we're apart
there's a hole in my heart ♪
♪ The clouds, they follow
me wherever I go ♪
♪ When we're together
the band is playing ♪
♪ When we're together
the world is singing along ♪
♪ When we're together
the sun is shining ♪
♪ When we're together
I'm home ♪
♪ I got the world on a string ♪
♪ I've got a new pair
of wings, yeah ♪
♪ You've got me in
the palm of your hand ♪
♪ You can silence the noise
when I hear your voice ♪
♪ And you say you're
coming home again ♪
♪ When we're together
the band is playing ♪
♪ When we're together
the world is singing our song ♪
♪ When we're together
the sun is shining ♪
♪ When we're together
I'm home ♪
♪ When we're together
the world is singing our song ♪
♪ When we're together
the sun is shining ♪
♪ When we're together
I'm home ♪
♪ When we're together
I'm home ♪♪
Photronique feat. Kaci Brown...
♪ Everybody's got
their own special color ♪
♪ And they work it
like a star ♪
♪ Yeah, the russet,
the brunette ♪
♪ Ya grew it, ya bought it ♪
♪ It doesn't really matter,
baby, long as you flaunt it ♪
♪ All the boys are crazy for
the different kinds of shades ♪
♪ But if you're lookin'
for a good time ♪
♪ You know we're famous,
don't blame us ♪
♪ The best way to name us ♪
♪ Is color of sunshine ♪
♪ No, no, no, no,
don't be so fast ♪
♪ To underestimate
the lighter shade ♪♪
Aww.
How old?
Maybe 2, maybe 6.
We're not really sure.
You've never taken
a career placement test?
- Not even in seventh grade?
- No!
You have to understand,
Wisconsin is deep,
deep dairy country.
So everyone's groomed
to be a cheesemonger
like their cheesemonging daddy
and his daddy before him?
Yeah, something like that.
So if you have your heart
set on journalism,
it is really... not the most
exciting place in the world.
Wow!
I'm drinking with
a true pioneer, Maggie.
Coming all the way out
to the big city and all.
Well, I don't know
if I'd consider Reseda
a big city, but...
I thought you lived in LA.
Um... it is LA.
Technically it is,
if you look at the map.
And also the setting
of The Karate Kid.
Oh, speaking of kids,
um, I didn't see any
in your profile pic.
Is that... is that more of, like,
a "Don't have 'em just yet"
kind of thing, or like,
"Ew, gross, the thought
of changing a diaper
makes me want to die"
kind of thing?
I guess I just haven't
given it much thought
at this point.
I mean, I'm only 36.
Totally, I know.
Don't have to think
about that just yet.
I like your T‐shirt.
Thanks.
This is a
guided mindfulness meditation.
Begin by focusing
your attention inward.
Discover the internal flow
of your own, unique energy.
Feel the rhythm
of your heartbeat.
Expand the field of awareness
around your breathing.
Anything that causes the body
to grow tense or stiff,
allow these feelings
to simply exist.
Remember to say to yourself,
"It's already here.
Whatever it is I'm feeling,
it's already here.
Let me feel it."
Number eight!
Margaret, you home?
Coming!
- Margarita!
- That's not my name!
Parking fee.
All units that have a space
in the garage now pay.
But we're rent‐controlled
and you just raised
the rent in January.
This no rent increase.
This parking fee, see?
I realize that's
what you're calling it,
but it's really just, like,
basically a rent increase.
Not $1,000, not $100, 90.
- Bea!
- Pay end of month, okay?
- It's here, it's in...
- Okay, okay,
I'll just read it,
I'll read it, I'll read it.
Three, two, one...
What's better than marshmallows
for an awesome cause, right?
Plus, anything to
raise awareness.
Who knows how many eyeballs
we'll get in your...
Valley Yeller!
Yes.
Olive, did any
of that even get in your tummy?
I'm getting you
cleaned up, yes, we are.
You know, Olive here
is a great writer.
Oh, yeah?
What do you like to write?
She's a little
shy with grown‐ups.
Hey, if your kids like
sweets, bring them by.
We're going till four.
Yeah, thank you, thanks.
Come on.
Doctor's office,
how can I help you?
Hi, I'd like to make
an appointment, please.
Almost done?
I don't think
there's anything
left in that one.
There's always more.
Hey, Maggie, I'm Dr. Davro.
Hey!
I was going to
say, "Nice to meet you,"
but it looks like we met before.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I actually came in a while back
for a fertility test.
So, no retrieval?
No, it was more of
a state of the union,
but it's been a minute.
I've had a couple bad dates.
Yeah, it's rough out
there, I get that a lot.
So I thought,
maybe it's time
to take some initiative.
So, another check‐in?
No, a retrieval,
if it's not too late.
Okay, well, that's
what we're here to find out.
So, you are...
38.
39.
You sure?
You have a donor in mind?
Just freezing for now,
to buy myself some time.
Statistically,
we have less success
freezing geriatric eggs,
but we're gonna stay optimistic.
So, same as before.
We're gonna run
three blood tests
and a transvaginal ultrasound.
And it's, uh,
it's 10,000 for the harvesting,
500 a year for freezing,
and 5,000 for thawing?
Before you worry
about all that,
let's just see if we can.
This may feel
a little uncomfortable.
- Maggie, Maggie.
- What?
- They need you.
- Oh, shit.
Sorry, I'm so sorry!
I thought that interview
with that choir director
would never end!
What?
We're going digital.
- What?!
- Sorry, Mags.
It sucks, I know,
but I want to be very clear,
no one's being laid off.
So, what would you call this?
You're becoming
independent contractors.
- What?
- You'll get paid per story,
get to work from home.
Hey, that's kinda nice, huh?
What about our
salaries, our benefits?
Those will...
no longer be covered
by The Valley Yeller.
- What?
- This is our new COO,
Frank Ramos.
He's a bright, young hotshot
out of Palo Alto.
Or is it Pasadena?
Anyway, he's from
the parent company,
he knows a thing or two
about the world wide web,
and he's going to
walk you through...
the new corporate structure!
I'm sorry, how much would
we even be making per article?
Okay, okay, everybody...
...everybody breathe, right?
We're gonna take
it nice and easy.
I feel it getting
a lot warmer in this room,
and I mean friendlier.
Look, Maggie,
you think I knew print
would die in my lifetime?
Keeping the Yeller alive
hasn't been exactly a cakewalk.
I wanted to throw myself
off the damn roof
every day this past year.
Pat has worked
here for seven years!
I've been here for 12 years!
I've been here 11 months, Don.
- See?
- I know, I know, I know.
Maggie, we're lucky
we survived this long.
Think about it.
Does Reseda even need
a culture editor?
Came out wrong, came out wrong,
but everybody, check the pulse.
Nice and easy,
nice and easy, okay?
I've got something to tell you.
Two words, okay?
Flexible, flexible, and adjust.
You're calm, everybody's calm.
You got to be flexible.
You got to adjust.
Am I right, Evan?
And there's a third word.
Do you know what
the third word is?
- Severance?
- No, it's transition.
Here to there, that's life.
A baby to an old man,
or a baby to an old woman.
Check the pulse,
and we got breakfast outside
if anybody likes, right?
Adjust, flexible...
I can't even feel my pulse.
Everyone's getting their news
online these days, right?
Which is why I'm telling Don
what we need is
a digital ad blitz
to save the print edition.
Okay, our slogan:
"The Valley Yeller:
We could all use more paper."
- Hello?
- Hello, hi, Maggie?
This is Dr. Davro from
the Fertility Center.
Hi, yeah, hi.
I'm calling
with some good news.
Your levels all came
back within range,
which means I believe you are
a good candidate
for egg freezing.
Have you guys heard of
something called crowdfunding?
Now, your numbers are
substantially lower
than last time,
so I suggest we get you
in as soon as possible
since the next time
could be too late.
Would you like to speak to
someone about payment options?
- Um...
- Maggie?
- Let me hold those eggs.
- Can you just give me...
Give me a fucking second!
What was that?
Maggie!
Sorry for being
a bit brusque earlier.
You do know we love you
at the paper, right?
Or whatever, e‐zine, blog,
whatever the fuck you
want to call us now.
We're gonna get you
writing a bunch.
You know what?
Here.
Mints, to help take
the edge off.
- Is that weed?
- They're mints, Maggie!
My shrink recommended
them for my stress.
Pot makes me paranoid.
They're nothing.
It's 2.5 milligrams.
And listen, for a guy
who doesn't dig meds,
it was either them or
an emotional support dog,
but, you know, I have allergies.
That's too bad.
I could totally see you taking
a Shih Tzu out for dinner.
No!
All right, I'm gonna go
work from home now.
Consider it, okay?
A support animal?
- Jesus!
- Come on!
You said you're
in the shit, right?
A dog will give you
something to focus on
other than yourself,
especially if you're
gonna be at home.
They're loyal,
you can pet 'em whenever
you're feeling nervous.
- I know how dogs work!
- Okay.
But they can sense your anxiety,
so it's not a bad idea.
Consider it, okay?
- Okay, I will.
- Okay.
Here.
For you, okay?
Just in case. In case!
Feel good!
Bye!
Someone cares!
Like I always say,
there's no such thing
as a bad dog,
just bad owners.
So even the terrifying ones
can be trained,
is that the sales pitch?
With some love, sure they can.
Who's handsome?
Who's handsome?
Jesus...
Quiet down!
- Sorry.
- Never mind.
- Man's best friend, huh?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, you.
Wanna say hi?
Hi!
I won't bite, I promise.
Cute, right?
Yeah, we mostly get big dogs.
Surprised nobody's
snatched him up yet.
Does he have a name?
A2733.
Its human went to prison.
Police found him
and brought him in.
Hello.
Hey, he likes you.
Really? How can you tell?
Never done that for me.
You didn't?
Were you waiting for me?
Wow!
Come on! Up.
You liked me before.
Mmm.
Now you're into me?
Don't worry, yours is coming.
Drop it!
Drop it!
You just ate my Reuben,
you little shit!
How did you do that?
How did you do that?
You are so wild!
Are you a little Reuben?
Is that what you are?
You are, Reuben!
Hi!
Hi, babe!
Hi, honey!
Who's a good boy?
Who is the best boy?
♪ What's
the point of holding on ♪
Aren't you handsome, mister?
You are...oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh!
Good poop!
Good poopy‐woopy‐loopy!
Good poop!
♪ I don't wanna shout ♪
What are you doing here?
You little perv.
Reuben! Reuben!
♪ As long as I have you ♪♪
♪ Reuben, Reuben,
I've been thinking ♪
♪ What a great world
this would be ♪
♪ If the men were
all transported ♪
♪ Far beyond the Northern Sea ♪♪
Oh, bummer.
All right, buddy,
I have to go to work.
Good boy.
I'll be home in a few hours.
You are the cutest medicine.
Okay, there you go.
Have a good one.
- Um, hi.
- Hi...
- Maggie?
- Annie Powell?
I haven't seen you
since you were 9!
Ah, my God!
Come in here!
- Oh, hi, honey.
- Kiss.
Hi! What are you doing here?
How old are you?
Don't tell me, I actually
don't want to know.
- 26.
- What?!
I know! The girl
who wet the bed
when you babysat
is now officially...
Ready for this?
...Annie Morris!
Congratulations!
- Thank you.
- Wow, that's so...
- My college boyfriend.
- Wow!
- Isn't it beautiful?
- Yes!
God, I love him so much.
He knows me so well.
Are you guys
in town visiting, or...
We live here.
Yeah, we moved in
about a year ago.
- Do you love it?
- Are you kidding?
So much more than Wisconsin.
Also, I'm trying
to build my brand,
so this is kind of
the place to be.
Oh, you have your own company?
No, brand, like
my presence on social.
It's a wellness and
self‐help sort of deal.
Namaste, LOL.
Make sure you follow me.
Oh, yeah, of course.
Anyway, how are you?
Good, great, yeah.
I'm a reporter...
and I work here on the side,
just, you know, for fun.
Coffee is so fun.
Nothing, there's no problem.
He needs help, you're busy,
but, uh, are you on Insta?
I'll DM you.
Yes, please.
Great, okay, so I'm getting
the Americano with soy milk.
- You guys have that?
- Yeah.
And you know what,
I'm gonna grab one of these.
That is on me,
congratulations.
I hear the first year
is coffee beans?
- Is that right?
- Maggie!
You're still the same.
- No, I'm different.
- Thank you, Maggie.
I'm so excited,
we're gonna hang out.
It's gonna be great!
Yeah!
Okay, a quick little pic.
Do you mind?
Oh!
I'll tag you guys,
it'll be great.
Okay.
Guess who's home!
Somebody want to play?
Does somebody want to play?
You have to come out first.
Come on!
Reuben?
Come on!
Let's go, bud!
Reuben!
Come on.
Can't play all by myself.
Jesus!
Reuben, Reuben!
Ow!
Holy shit.
You doing some push‐ups
at the shelter or what?
Reuben?
Reuben?
There you are, you little nut.
Good boy.
You are so strong!
Did someone miss Mommy?
Did someone miss Mommy? Did you?
What do you think, Reuben?
Should I give it another shot?
I really had
a great time at dinner.
This place is...
it's really incredible.
Yeah, you like it?
It's a work in progress,
but, you know,
hey, aren't we all?
Thanks for letting
Reuben third‐wheel it.
He still gets really jittery
when I leave him home alone.
Oh, yeah,
what, are you kidding?
You saw my profile, right?
Animal lover.
The app don't lie.
So, when you said,
"Not interested
in playing games,"
you meant that, too, right?
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I'm a sucker for
Cards Against Humanity,
but, uh, just the dating game,
I just don't have
the energy anymore.
Thank you.
We're not getting any younger.
Yeah, I know, right?
And, you know,
I know how dudes are.
I mean, not all guys,
but, you know.
Patriarchy, I mean,
"Houston, we have a problem."
It's a piano.
Is it like a mini grand?
- Yeah.
- That's a thing?
- Yeah, oh yeah.
- Are those your parents?
Huh?
No!
No, they came with the frame.
You read my bio, right?
- I flip houses.
- Oh.
This one's about
to go on the market.
So you don't
actually live here?
No.
Plastic apple for the lady?
I'm full.
Hey, I want you to experience
the nirvana
that is a $10,000 sectional.
- Feel that.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Oh, hi.
- Oh, God, you smell good.
- Oh...
Um, maybe... is there, like,
a dog‐friendly bar
in the neighborhood
we could go to?
Not in this neighborhood.
Okay, Nick.
All right, slow down.
I thought you didn't
want to play games.
Yeah, hence getting
to the point.
Let's go.
Okay, stop. Stop!
Stop!
Hey!
Hey, get down, you little shit!
Get off the fucking sofa, man!
Jesus, this is
chesterfield leather!
That's what you stop for?
What? No...
Hey, we're having fun, right?
What? What, come on.
It's not like I'm not
gonna eat your pussy too.
Oh my God.
Where's your bathroom?
Look, hey, just...
just chill out, okay?
I'm gonna go have a smoke,
and before you say anything,
that's in my profile too.
Boss.
You're so stupid sometimes.
Ow, ow, ow.
Okay.
Gross!
Reuben?
Let's go!
Ruby?
Shit.
Hey, asshole!
You let my dog out!
Reuben!
Reuben!
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh my God!
Oh, baby!
Come here, come here!
Oh my God, are you okay?
You catch the guy's plates?
Um... I...
I was just looking for my dog.
- Are you all right?
- I heard a screech.
By the time I came
out, the car was...
We've been telling
them for years
to put a damn
traffic light up there.
Oh my God.
Hmm.
Wow.
This is one delicious boy!
Yeah?
Look how good he's doing.
First vet visit, some dogs
won't even hop up on the table.
Okay, so I didn't find
anything bruised or swollen,
no road rash, no hot spots.
My guess is any blood
you saw on his fur
is likely due to him being
in the "splash zone."
What a relief.
Yes, it is,
you widdle muppet.
How's he doing at home?
He's good.
He's not, you know,
he doesn't play a lot,
really, at all.
And when he does,
it's not super, um...
playful.
Some dogs just need more time
to learn the fun stuff.
The shelter is
a hard‐knock life.
He scratched the front door
when I left for work
the other day.
That's just separation anxiety.
Maybe you're his
emotional support human!
Who rescued who, right?
"Who rescued who?"
I like that.
Thanks, Dr. Shah.
Before you run,
I do want to do
some quick blood work.
Standard protocol
for our first visit.
Heartworm, parvo,
that kind of thing.
Sure, no problem.
Thank you.
Oh, good boy.
That cat is fat as fuck.
Good boy!
What a hungry‐wungry boy.
Ooh.
- Hello?
- Hey, your story.
"Realtor's Hit‐and‐Run
Reignites Traffic
Debate in Encino"?
Yeah, what about it?
It got 6,000 impressions
in a day, Maggie.
That's the most
traffic we've had
since the relaunch,
three times over.
The LA Times just picked it up!
Holy fucking shit!
That's what I said!
You got that scoop
before anybody.
Hey, if we were flush,
I'd give you a bonus.
Keep the clicks up
and maybe I can.
Did you see that body?
It looked like it
got hit by a car
and mauled by a bear!
Ah, poor bastard, huh?
Wasn't even 40.
I know, he was so young.
Thank you for calling!
Oh... my... God!
And on an exhale,
we're gonna lower our
legs from our heart,
grounding our energy earthward.
Oh, thank you
for recommending this.
Well, you asked
for a dog‐friendly activity.
Plus, I've begged Adam to
do goat yoga for months,
so this is like
the next best thing.
Okay, everyone, let's move
into our hip opener
that our downward doggies
are going to love.
So are you
seeing anyone, Mags?
Ugh... no.
Not at the moment.
There was something
kind of serious before,
but we wanted different things.
At least we did then.
Well, you'll
meet your person soon.
You're a crazy catch.
And Reuben could be
a total dick magnet!
That's very nice of you,
and I am hereby banning the use
of the term "dick magnet."
And switch legs.
It is kind of gross.
But it's kind of cute.
Hello.
I remember you
from the restaurant.
Are you okay?
Oh, does your little dog
not like other dogs?
Normally she's fine.
Can I help you?
Are you okay?
Okay, everyone,
let's try to keep
our friends quiet.
Chatting is great,
just after class. Locust!
It's actually just her
dog that's the problem.
Actually, my dog's not
making any noise at all.
I think someone's
a grumpasaurus.
Well, he must
have a scent on him.
When's the last time you
expressed his anal glands?
When's the last time
you expressed yours?
Shh.
We're almost there,
we're almost there!
I go Las Vegas one week
and you bring dog?
No pet!
Bea, I understand
the no pet policy.
He is an emotional
support animal,
which overrides landlord rules.
I'll get you a doctor's note.
Doctor's note?
For what?
You no blind.
No, he's not a service dog.
He's an emotional support dog.
Oh, oh, because you so sad?
I don't think you understand.
- Legally...
- No, no.
You no understand.
I want the dog to be
out of this building!
Your garden looks lovely.
- No, I don't want no...
- Thank you!
Your plants look pretty!
Okay.
Hey, wait.
He pee on my wood floor?
You know, usually
people wait to be invited in.
What did he do to my door?
I will pay for this, okay?
The veterinarian says it's
separation anxiety, but...
Dog has now a therapist?
- Yo no entiendo...
- No, no, Bea, Bea, Bea,
I'm gonna buy a crate.
I'm gonna crate him.
From now on,
he'll be in a crate.
How about you move, hm?
- No.
- Yes, much easier.
- No, no, no.
- Much easier.
You move and you find a place
that is dog friendly
because here, I'm not.
I can't afford to move.
Bea, please, please.
Jesus Christ, please, okay?
You buy the cage.
- Yes.
- You shut him up.
- Promise.
- And you pay me
the parking fee by Friday.
- Yes, yes, 90...
- Okay?
If not, you do not do that,
you evicted from here
and adios, ciao, go bye‐bye.
No, won't be a problem.
I will pay all of those things.
Thank you! Thank you, Bea!
Fuck!
I know, I know.
I will be back.
Oof.
You won't even know I'm gone.
♪ Sing your song ♪
♪ Just for me, Andrushka ♪
What you doing here?
Oh, ma'am.
You forgot your Puppuccino.
Thanks!
- Here you go, yum‐yum.
- Oh my gosh.
You like it?
Oh...
We actually close in one minute.
Oh, that's perfect.
Americano, it takes,
like, 30 seconds, right?
Yes, okay.
Thanks.
Let me know
if this tastes okay.
Sometimes our espresso
is a little... meh.
Are you allowed to say that
with a Klara's
Coffee uniform on?
Well, technically
I'm off the clock.
If you'd come in
one minute sooner,
I would say it is to die for.
Thank you, Maggie.
Oh!
Duh.
And, uh, thank you
for, you know,
staying open late,
I appreciate it.
- Sure.
- Have a good night.
- You too.
- Thank you.
It is thought that sometime
in the distant past,
the world's entire population
of cheetahs was wiped out...
Awesome.
♪ Reuben, Reuben,
I've been thinking ♪
♪ What a great world
this would be ♪
♪ If the men were
all transported ♪
♪ Far beyond the Northern Sea ♪♪
Oh, no.
Ruby!
Oh...
Hey, sweetie.
Does my Houdini
like raspberries?
Yeah.
Oh, you scared me.
Who wants to go walkie?
Okay, buddy.
Oh...
- Hello?
- Hi, Maggie.
This is Dr. Shah.
I think something must've
gotten messed up at the lab
because Reuben's
blood work came back
all over the place.
Oh.
You think you can bring him in?
Maybe Thursday?
Oh, I know,
you're constipated.
I'm sorry?
Uh, sorry, not you. Reuben.
Yes, Thursday's great.
Thank you.
- Great.
- Okay.
Okay, one more errand
and we'll try again.
Bea?
Bea?
I have my...my parking check.
On time.
Bea?
Hello?
Bea?
Bea?
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
Oh my God, Reuben, no.
No poopy, no.
911, what's your emergency?
- Um...
- Hello?
Hello?
Anyone there?
Hello?
Oh, fuck.
Reuben, what the fuck?
Did you do this?
How did you do this?
You're only 10 pounds!
Let me talk to her.
Hey, Bea!
Hey, Bea, we know
you're in there.
Your lights are on.
Does she have a fucking dog?
Oh, baby.
It's okay.
It's okay, sweet boy.
It's gonna be okay.
No one could ever
think that you...
would do this.
If anything, they would...
Shit.
Oh, God!
Yeah!
Okay.
Okay, you stay here
and don't make a peep, okay?
¿Comprende?
Okay.
Good boy.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
- Have a nice day.
- You too.
Oh my God. Um...
Hello?
This is
the Veterinary Health Center
confirming your appointment
for tomorrow at...
- Cancel!
- ...1:30 p. m.
If you'd like to confirm
your reservation...
- Cancel.
- ...please say yes...
Cancel!
- Hey, Annie.
- Hey, Mags!
You look stressed out.
I do?
Oh my God, okay, question.
Question for you.
Mags, you okay?
What's going on?
Yeah, sorry, I, uh...
my landlord.
Oh, she's in your apartment?
What...oh no, I...no,
I actually haven't seen her
in a couple days and she
didn't cash a check of mine,
which is very unlike her.
And you're getting worried?
Aw, you must really care
about her, huh?
Not really.
She was actually kind
of a bitch.
Is!
Oh my God...is a bitch.
Is that a horrible thing to say?
Um, not at all!
Oh my God,
I love you like this.
Okay, I literally just
dropped a pod about this.
Mags, life isn't just
black and white, okay?
It's totally natural
to feel two things at once.
What you need to get
comfortable with
is living in the grey.
Have you been sleeping?
Having this furry little
pillow doesn't hurt.
Staying active?
Lots of long walks.
Honestly,
kind of sounds like
you're thriving, Mags.
Maybe he really
is half‐Xanax.
- Thanks, Annie.
- Don't thank me.
Thank Ruby!
Thanks, Reuben.
Aw, babe.
Hi, do you live here?
I do.
Do you?
Kind of.
I'm Elena Rodriguez.
I'm the interim
property manager.
Oh, I'm Maggie.
Where's Bea?
I wanted to ask you.
Well, actually, all the tenants.
She missed a beauty
appointment the other day
and I've been trying
to get in touch.
I hope she turns up soon.
You probably wouldn't
if you'd ever met her.
I'm her niece.
Oh shit.
Sorry about that, sorry.
Seriously, you're fine.
I know my aunt can
be a bit severe.
Unlike this stud!
Hi, is he friendly?
Hi!
Miss Rodriguez?
I'm in here!
- No way.
- Wow.
Easy, killer, easy.
Shh, Reuben.
You guys know each other?
We've met.
Not about this.
Not about this.
You're a cop.
Wow.
I was gonna text you, I swear.
- No, it's fine.
- I really...no, I really was.
Please, it's fine,
it's all good.
No, I'm still going to.
I'm playing hard to get.
- Just, you know, on duty, so.
- Okay, I'll stop.
Well, if you or Reuben
ever need anything,
please don't be afraid to ask.
I'll be staying in
Bea's unit, okay?
Oh, great, yeah, thank you,
that's really sweet.
My pleasure.
Bye!
You wanted to see the alleyway,
right, Detective Cadden?
Absolutely.
You know, the pool
could use a cleaning.
If you have time.
Bea still hasn't
gotten around to it.
I'm on it.
Great.
This way.
Reuben.
Of all the people
to forget to text!
All right, be honest.
Did the badge
kinda freak you out?
No, not at all.
All right, good, good.
Well, I'm glad
you followed through,
unless you're trying to
get out of a parking ticket.
No, I'm more of
a get out of a parking ticket
on the second date kind of girl.
But I did remember something.
She was in Vegas.
- Who?
- Bea.
Always talked about
how the slots loved her,
but now I'm like,
what else was she up to?
Hm.
What?
This turned into
work drinks really fast.
If you don't want this
to be a date‐date...
- No, I do.
- Are you sure, 'cause...
- It is, I'm sorry!
- No, no, I mean,
'cause you really are
free to leave whenever.
Am I also free to stay?
Well, in the brief time
that I've been working there,
I've discovered that everyone
is actually a monster
before they've had
their morning coffee,
and that I can operate
the hell out of a French press.
Man, listen,
you're about to get poached
by one of those bougie ass
coffee shops so fast.
Well, I'm actually
a journalist,
so I'd rather get
poached by The Times.
I believe it'll happen.
What about you?
Are you divorced?
Yeah, six years out.
- Hm.
- Deal breaker?
Uh, no,
actually, the deal breaker
is the 40‐year‐old
perpetual bachelor.
I've met enough of them
to know to run.
But what about you?
Have you ever been married?
Um, mm‐mm.
No, I, uh,
I came close once,
but, um, yeah.
Kids?
Just the one I adopted.
But it's more like
who rescued who, huh?
Aw, you?
Uh, you know,
it's on the list.
- Okay.
- It's like a...you know.
- Right.
- But for now,
I am just Uncle of the Year.
Let's see.
Oh, you guys are cute.
- Aw.
- I know.
That's really cute.
Well, oh...
We should do this
again sometime.
Yeah.
You know!
You know we're home!
Hi!
Hi.
Reuben!
Reuben, Reuben!
You made
the right choice coming in.
I wanted to come
as soon as I could.
Timing isn't everything,
but it is a lot of things.
So, we're gonna put you on
something called Gonadotropins.
This is going to mature
and release your eggs
during ovulation.
If you get any hot flashes,
changes in vision,
any unusual discomfort,
just give me a call.
- Sure, no problem.
- Due to the high
progesterone levels,
you will probably experience
some psychological side effects.
Mood swings,
irritability, insomnia.
Some patients report
feeling out of control,
and at times, out of
touch with reality.
I'm not concerned.
Well, apologize
to your loved ones now.
So, where are you in your cycle?
I started my period yesterday.
Well, you're making
my job easy.
We can administer
your first shot today,
and then the nurse
can teach you how to do
everything else from home.
In 12 days, we can do
your first retrieval.
And then, you just might not
have to fight
that clock anymore.
What the fuck?
Two hundred and fifty dollars?
I'm sorry, Don, is this
with or without my bonus?
Mags, I was using
a figure of speech.
That's not the...
Oh!
Who's the little guy?
Did you get one?
"Someone really earned
a bonus" is a figure of speech?
You're a freaking editor, Don!
- I need that money!
- Okay!
Take a deep breath.
It's not that I don't
wanna up your pay.
You're doing great reporting,
but take a look around.
Did you see anyone in the
newsroom when you came up?
Yeah, you!
This is still your office,
isn't it?
I'm being serious now,
you lose the attitude!
It's not like I'm making
a windfall here either.
And in case you forgot,
I got a wife and two kids
that I provide for.
Who's to say
I wouldn't like that too?
Obviously that's
not what I meant!
You just said it
was great reporting!
For the Valley Yeller,
Maggie!
What, you think your
Pulitzer's in the mail?
Look, for a bigger paper,
maybe you'd get bigger checks.
I don't know,
couldn't hurt to look.
Do you hear that, Reuben, now
he's trying to get rid of me.
That's not what I said,
it's obvious
they don't work after all.
Excuse me?
You're being
a little hysterical.
And you're being
a little drunk!
Does Frank know what
you put in your coffee
all day, every day, Don?
What're you gonna do?
You're gonna tell him?
Frank's on vacation, Maggie.
And you're fired.
What?
Are you serious?
No.
I was just using
a figure of speech.
You still got crap on your desk.
Please get rid of it.
Best of luck to you and Toto.
Jerk!
Fuck you!
"Your Pulitzer's in the mail."
Fucking asshole.
Reuben!
Toto?
Reuben!
Ah!
Good boy.
Good boy!
You're beautiful.
To the most gorgeous
managing editor
The Valley Yeller's ever had.
- Woot woot!
- And to no more
half‐caff soy frappes.
And wait, wait, wait.
To Don,
who taught me everything I know
and who was clearly living
with so much pain.
May his memory
be for a blessing.
- For a blessing.
- For a blessing.
So, Nate.
My turn to be bad cop.
I...who said I...why does it
have to be a bad cop?
- I'm so...
- I said I'm bad cop.
I'm asking the questions.
Okay.
What are your intentions
with my former babysitter, punk?
Hm.
Uh, for one, clearly
soaking up her genius.
I mean, look at her.
Obviously.
And for two, if it's cool,
for you to be my girlfriend.
I'm a nervous laugher.
Mags, what do we think?
Obviously it's a great answer,
but I think I'm just gonna
have to keep him in custody
for a little while longer.
- Oh!
- Oh!
What do you think, Reuben?
Hi, hi, buddy.
I think Reuben and I
have the same pajamas.
Okay.
Um, um, hey, can...
Uh, can we, can we, um,
can we just have a minute
with the...
Yes.
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
- Just a little privacy.
- Yeah, yeah.
No, I get it.
Come here, baby.
We're gonna be grown ups
for a few minutes.
Nap time!
Uh, what's up with Alcatraz?
Oh, uh, his crate broke.
It's fine.
Come here.
I wanted to show you something
under the covers.
Come on, come on.
Hey, guys.
Oh, hi!
Thanks for doing that.
What can I say, I aim to please.
Your screen too?
Oh, yeah.
Perks of an old building,
I guess.
Right?
Let me know how that works out.
Okay!
- See ya.
- Bye.
Reuben, you're the best
assistant ever.
You are.
Miss Glenn?
Yes.
Can I help you?
I hope so.
Detective Woolsey,
West Valley LAPD.
Got a few questions for you
about a hit and run
a few weeks back.
Oh.
Yeah, on Bellflower?
The one I wrote a story about?
Yes, ma'am.
We're collecting surveillance.
Cross referencing cars that
may have passed through the area
between 10 and 11 PM.
Mhm.
Your story never
mentioned that you drove
to the neighborhood that night.
Journalists don't
typically insert themselves
in their scoops.
Sorry, am I not allowed
to walk my dog
in a nicer neighborhood
than my own?
Of course you are, ma'am.
We're just crossing our Ts.
Okay.
I appreciate your time.
Yeah.
That spray stuff really work?
We've got a Pekapoo
at home that's shitting up
all our carpets,
pardon my French.
They don't call it
Pet's Miracle for nothing.
- Pet's Miracle.
- Yeah.
That's a good name.
I like that.
I could use a miracle at home.
Thanks again.
Sure.
Coming!
Police.
Oh, hello, sexy mama.
Hello, Tommy Bahama.
What is this?
It's not my birthday
for another five months...
when I will turn 26 years old.
Open it, open it, open it.
It's a puppy cam.
For Reuben?
Why would I need this?
You know,
you get so, so anxious
when you're away from him
for a few hours.
I figured with this, we can
spend more time together,
longer nights out, you can check
on little Reuben from wherever.
It's on your phone,
it's the future.
Thank you.
That's really sweet of you.
All right, come on,
let's set it up.
Okay.
What do I do?
I'm watching you!
Uh‐huh, tell me that's not
the best butter pecan
you've ever tasted.
Well, it was until
you pronounced it "pee‐can".
What do you mean?
How do you say it?
"Pee‐kahn", you weirdo.
- "Pee‐kahn"?
- What?
Where did they...listen,
Wisconsin must be
a very strange planet,
'cause I've never heard
that before.
Hey!
Really, fuckface?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
Mags, we can just
go get another one.
It's a sidewalk, Nate.
It's for walking.
I agree with you, but...
- So give him a citation!
- For jogging in public?
I mean...
He can run the LA Marathon
somewhere else, he cut us off!
It makes me wanna cut him.
Don't look at me like that.
I mean, can we relax?
I'm relaxed.
I'm relaxing.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You're right.
It's okay.
He made me litter.
Can we go get you
some more butter pecan?
I'm not getting
butter "pee‐can."
Well, what're you gonna get?
I'm gonna get
butter "pee‐kahn."
Okay, well there's
definitely two tubs coming.
Maybe this time
I will try the mint chip.
Yeah, mint chip
was a good choice.
Fuck, that was good.
Can I, um, can I
get you some water?
Yeah.
Oh my God, you didn't...
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
it was still really good.
It's fine, no,
it's fine, really, it was...
I mean, I can hold
my breath for a...
I can swim a whole lap
holding my...
Well, I mean, I guess you
could turn the light off
and, you know...if you wanna.
You know you don't have
to be insecure about anything.
It's for ambience.
It's...I know.
Shit, it's almost one.
Honestly, I should probably
get back to the dog.
Puppy cam.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I forgot, I don't know how.
Ohh, look at him!
Looks like
Reuben Van Winkle to me.
He is sleeping.
We'll go check him out
early in the morning
and we won't make,
like, a habit out of it.
I can't make
a habit out of it.
- We're both responsible people.
- I'm a responsible pet owner.
You are a dog mom,
and I'm a friend of a dog mom.
So maybe turn that light off.
Okay, you don't
gotta tell me twice.
You bit me.
What?
Whoa, whoa, I just
went to the bathroom.
Are you okay?
I thought I heard
something on the roof.
Oh yeah,
I didn't tell you.
Reindeer infestation.
Total code violation.
It's just squirrels,
they keep me up too.
- Oh, okay.
- All right?
Let's go back to bed.
- Ugh.
- Come on.
Go to bed, Reuben.
Sure, I understand.
And when was the last time
you saw her?
Um, I believe I saw her
maybe just a few weeks ago.
You're making a mistake.
Stop!
Will you just listen
to me for two seconds?
For God's sake, Reuben.
What are you?
So my new landlord
killed my old landlord?
Wow, you know I really
can't discuss open cases.
Not even if
your girlfriend
lives next to a murder?
I told you things could get
messy when we started dating.
I'm just scared and I wish
you'd be more open with me.
Maggie, I wish
you'd be more open with me.
Why won't you get in the pool?
What?
You asked Elena
to clean the pool
and you haven't
gotten in one time.
And why do you always wanna
keep the lights off in bed?
Jesus, maybe
I'm self conscious.
What's your deal?
I noticed a bruise.
And the other night when
I was in your bathroom
looking for mouthwash,
I found a needle.
I really wish you
wouldn't go through my stuff.
It was an accident.
But I need to know,
are you using?
Drugs?
Oh my God, no, no,
not drugs, not drugs‐drugs.
I'm fine.
You're fine?
Were you fine with the jogger?
It's just
a female thing, okay?
A female thing with
a huge syringe, Mags?
You know, maybe you can stop
with the 20 fucking questions.
All right?
I'm sorry.
You can ask me all
the questions you want
about classified
police information,
but the moment I ask you
a question about...
I'm taking fertility
treatments, okay?
Wow.
I, um...
I'm not trying to get
pregnant right this second.
I'm just freezing, I'm freezing.
I didn't say anything
because we're still in,
like, the early days and,
you know, my clock doesn't,
like, care where
I'm at in my life.
And I just got a promotion
so I can afford it, and...
It'll let you move
at your own pace, right?
Yeah.
I think that is a great idea.
So, uh, when does
this thing happen?
- Soon‐ish.
- Hm.
- Tomorrow‐ish.
- Tomorrow‐ish?
Mags, that's like a huge deal.
They put you out
for that, right?
Yeah.
Do you need a ride?
Yeah, I do.
Okay, good.
Can we make the lights
go and the sirens?
I mean, settle down.
You're gonna do great.
Okay.
Maggie, how
are we feeling today?
- Hm.
- That's great.
Try not to fight the drugs,
all right?
Mhm.
Now the ultrasound
you're used to,
but this,
this you don't
wanna be awake for.
No, no, no, just settle in,
settle in, that's right.
That's right.
This'll all be very quick.
Now, you'll be sore after.
Remember, no sex for
the next two weeks,
and try not to work out
for the next few days.
Do you work out?
I jog every single night
through Woodley Park
past the Valley Yeller building.
You work there.
Right?
What were you doing
on the roof, Maggie?
Uh‐uh‐uh‐uh‐uh.
We can't have you running off.
I told them I wouldn't
let you leave.
Why did you do it, Maggie?
Why did you do it,
Maggie?
Why?
Six eggs?
That's like half a carton,
that's amazing.
- I know, right?
- Wow.
Hey, I'm sorry I couldn't
get the whole day off.
I totally would've joined
you and Anners for dinner,
but just try not
to get too crazy.
You need to rest.
Hope this Wisco girl
still likes mac and cheese.
Ahhh.
That sounds
delightful, okay?
Just don't tell my followers,
they think I'm doing keto.
Do you want
a glass of wine?
Uh, several.
I wanna enjoy my drinks
while I still can.
Adam and I are trying.
Annie!
That's so exciting!
That's so great!
How long have you been trying?
What?
What's wrong, what's wrong?
Reuben, no, off!
What, what, what, what?
I don't know.
Annie, are you okay?
Don't get me wrong, okay?
Like I've always
wanted to be a mom,
or at least I thought I did,
but things are just starting
to pick up for me
professionally,
and I'm gonna be traveling more,
and not to mention the oceans
are frickin' boiling
right now, Mags, okay?
And Adam, he just
keeps pushing me,
but a kid, a kid!
It's like...
It's a big step.
It's forever!
Yes.
You know, not all of us
need to be moms, you know?
I mean, I know you know.
Of course you know, I'm sorry.
I don't even know
why I'm freaking out.
It's just, you know,
every day I go online
and I tell people
how to hold it together,
as if I know what
the hell I'm even doing.
You sound like
someone I know...
before I got Reuben!
Maybe you need a dog
to help calm your anxiety.
You think?
I used to be such a wreck.
And he just made
all your anxieties disappear.
Like magic.
I'm not busy at all.
Someone missed a hell of
a roll call this morning.
Pissed about
the Clippers loss again?
It's gonna be a long year.
I'm not fucking with you.
You talk to Sarge?
What?
Close the door.
You know how
I couldn't place a car
at that hit and run in Encino?
Well, I checked the victim's
real estate nearby,
and some prints
I pulled matched a set
from your missing landlady
you've been working.
- No shit?
- Yeah, man.
You and I been sniffing
the same scent.
Sarge got another match
at the Valley Yeller.
Mm, that smells so good.
Oh, it's your boo!
- Should I?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Put it on speaker.
- Okay.
- Hey, Nate!
- Hey, it's both of us!
Hey, hey, guys.
Annie, do you mind if I just
speak to Mags alone
for a second?
Uh, I'm cooking, what's up?
Uh, you, um...
You sure we can't talk alone?
Uh, no, what's going on?
Did you know that
your boss was murdered?
And along with
some guy in Encino
and both are connected
to your landlady?
You think Elena did all that?
No, no, Elena was
cleared this morning, um...
Do you, do you know
anything about this?
I mean, how would
I know anything about it?
A reporter's only as
good as their sources,
and if you're just
finding out about it,
- how am I supposed to...
- No, no.
Maggie, no, I'm not,
I'm not talking,
I'm not talking
about your reporting.
Um...
What're you talking about?
Okay, this is not funny, Nate.
Annie, I'm talking to
Maggie for a minute, please.
Annie, just hang up the phone.
No, Maggie, look,
they've got prints.
They found prints,
Maggie, I really...
- Annie.
- Are you listening?
Maggie!
Fuck!
You okay, what's going on?
Shit. Bye, Nate.
What happened?
Are you okay?
Hey, what happened there?
Oh, okay, okay, calm down.
I know,
it's okay, I'm okay.
Seriously, why don't
we just eat tomorrow.
- You go home tonight, okay?
- No.
You just helped me,
now it's my turn.
Look, I know what Nate said was
scary, but you just have to...
Yeah, I know, I know,
but please just go home.
If someone really killed
those people and the police
have prints,
they're gonna get them.
I'm not asking you.
They're gonna get them, Mags.
You are making me
very anxious, Annie.
Okay, so you can
just pet the...
Annie!
Reuben!
Drop it!
No, no, Reuben!
Let go, no!
Reuben!
- Annie!
- Help!
Reuben, she didn't
even do anything!
She didn't even do anything!
Oh my God!
Drop it!
Bad boy!
You've reached Maggie Glenn
at The Valley Yeller.
I'm unable to take
your call right now
so please leave a message.
Where are you, Mags?
I'm sorry.
Oh, you're a good boy.
And Mommy loves you so much.
♪ Reuben, Reuben,
I've been thinking ♪
♪ What a good world
this would be ♪
♪ If the boys
were all transported ♪
♪ Far beyond
the Northern Sea ♪♪
You be a good boy, okay?
Okay?
Shit.
Annie, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
This is a
guided mindfulness meditation.
Discover the internal flow
of your own unique energy.
Anything that causes the body
to go tense or stiff,
allow these feelings
to simply exist.
Remember to say to yourself,
"It's already here.
Whatever it is I'm feeling,
it's already here.
Let me feel it."
Nate.
What do you do with the bodies?
How did you get in here?
It was unlocked.
I guess you were in a rush.
Should I come back with
a warrant or will you tell me
what you did with them?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
I just cut my finger
when I was cooking.
Look at you!
I know everything, Maggie.
I know what you did to Bea,
your boss, the realtor...
however the hell
you know that guy...
what you did to Annie.
I told you they've got prints
of Reuben and the other one,
wherever you've been hiding him.
This would be a great time
to start telling the truth.
Wait, what...the other one?
The big guy,
the guard dog or whatever.
The one you bought
this crazy cage for.
I didn't kill anyone, Nate.
Reuben did it,
he's not just a dog.
Oh no, he's an emotional
support animal, right?
- You know, I got it.
- Annie, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Look, he can feel
when I get anxious,
and he acts out, he acts on it!
He's not, he's not a bad dog.
- Just a bad owner?
- No, look...
No, listen, hands...
Maggie, Maggie.
I didn't mean for
anything bad to happen to Annie,
I swear, or Bea
or Don or Nick, even.
I mean, the last three
were assholes, but still.
Everything lately...
it's been getting better
and happier,
and I met you, and...
- Hands behind your back.
- Can you...
- Nate, please don't.
- Hands behind your back.
Please don't do this,
please, I'm not doing this.
- I wouldn't do this.
- Where are the dogs now?
Okay, I left Reuben
in the desert.
He won't be a problem anymore.
The other one,
where's the other one?
Where's the other one?
Nate, stop.
Nate, you're making
me very anxious!
I told you.
I told you he's not just a dog.
What the fuck pound
did you get this dog from?
You know what's funny?
This whole time, I just wanted
what everyone else had.
Someone to be there for me.
I finally got it.
Just not from you, Nate.
We're gonna be fine.
They're on their way.
Good boy.
It's already here.
Whatever it is
that I'm feeling,
it's already here.
Let me feel it.
So, you're
ready to take the plunge, huh?
What kind of dog
do you have in mind?
Yeah, I'd get a big guy,
but I feel like my roommate
would kill me.
What about that guy?
Oh yeah, the scamp.
Got him back in yesterday,
didn't work out.
Ended up with some crazy lady
who went to prison.
- You wanna hold him?
- Yeah.
Can I pick you up?
Oh!
He likes you.
That's good!
'Cause I think you just
found a new best friend.
♪ You are the star in the sky ♪
♪ You are the apple of my eye ♪
♪ You're the music
playing in my soul ♪
♪ And when we're apart
there's a hole in my heart ♪
♪ The clouds, they follow
me wherever I go ♪
♪ When we're together
the band is playing ♪
♪ When we're together
the world is singing along ♪
♪ When we're together
the sun is shining ♪
♪ When we're together
I'm home ♪
♪ I got the world on a string ♪
♪ I've got a new pair
of wings, yeah ♪
♪ You've got me in
the palm of your hand ♪
♪ You can silence the noise
when I hear your voice ♪
♪ And you say you're
coming home again ♪
♪ When we're together
the band is playing ♪
♪ When we're together
the world is singing our song ♪
♪ When we're together
the sun is shining ♪
♪ When we're together
I'm home ♪
♪ When we're together
the world is singing our song ♪
♪ When we're together
the sun is shining ♪
♪ When we're together
I'm home ♪
♪ When we're together
I'm home ♪♪