Intelligence (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

you twist like that, so you have the
strength and you can see a variety of colors.

Interesting thing.

Have you accidentally taken my flash
drive? On it is a photo of the vagina.

- Is it glued on top? Or a file inside?
- Both.

- She's yours?
- The flash drive is mine, but the vagina is not.

- How does she look?
- My vagina?

Sorry do you think the terrorists
day and night sharpening? Work!

- Someone is sharpening.
- Otherwise you can clink glasses.

Kill with a slipper.

- Tuva, do you want some cookies? What about you, Mary?
- Not. - My head hurts?

So, quickly report
what's new. As you already heard



flies to us today
Jerry Bernstein of the NSA.

God We will work
Jerry Bernstein?

And communicate with the NSA.

You will communicate with
the Americans only through him.

I hope this does not
become for you a problem?

Of course not, I'm his fan.
We corresponded a lot with him

regarding September 11, 2001.
“Is he a terrorist?”

No, Whitehall
introduced this post

as part of the program
for the exchange of information.

He will arrange us access
to American resources

and he is said to
have rich experience.

- Maybe then order pizza?
- He will be tired after the flight.

It doesn't bother me.
And how long will he come to us?

Yes, if she plays by the rules.



Man, let me go.

Mary, where is cryptanalysis
last week?

Stop it please.

Sorry my cat its a little
spoiled.

I'm afraid she picked up
Huntington's disease.

- People with this disease are
born. “But the cats are not.”

- It does not matter.
“And I heard she's dangerous.”

Tuva, did you hack
the Scorpio server?

Here are the names and IP addresses,
plus voice mail recordings.

- Great job, Tuva.
“Some are terribly obscene.”

- Thanks.
- I love these things.

- And I do not digest.
- But it’s not necessary.

What is our system part? Joseph.

So. Okay. All major systems
sort of in perfect order.

I still have to analyze

about twenty five percent
yesterday's trepidation.

And I accidentally stumbled to the
browser story of Matthew McConaughey.

Why the cyber
security center DSP

climb into browser history
Matthew McConaughey?

It seems to be a glitch in the
system, but just in case I looked.

Want to know what he
was searching online?

- Does this apply to state
security? “I would not say that.”

There are mostly lawn mowers.
Big ones.

ABOUT.

And we also lost the main drone
on the Iranian border.

- Jesus Christ.
- Yeah, well, and what’s the most annoying,

on the third floor the
printer broke down.

Nooo.

Hacking a database
of the Bank of England.

Damn, you have
to change the tune.

- How to make it just squeak?
- In the settings, select the squeak.

Elaine probably put this song on
she married her.

Sorry, I forgot cookies. Cookies,
cookies, cookies. Like this.

Pass my luggage
or do I do it myself too?

Hello? Yes, I'm coming down now.
Yes! Jerry is here! Jerry is here!

Hey! Jerry. Hello! Joseph Harris

- I’m very glad to meet you!
- Hi. Sorry, do we know each other?

Yes, I sent it to the NSA
weekly cyber reports.

- Really? I thought it was spam.
- No, it was me!

- What, you say, your name?
- Joseph Harris!

Clear. John, may I ask Do
you have dwarfs in your family?

- In my opinion, no.
- I see. I advise you to check.

- Good!
- Will you help me? -Sure.

Now we take it
to the third floor...

No, no need to roll
the suitcase is very expensive

can you take it I do
not for a long time.

Okay, good. Damn it.

- Hello?
- Hello, mom!

Evelyn.

Evelyn! Hello?

- Did you want something?
- Yes, come up to me.

My God.

- What?
“You didn't hear me screaming?”

- I called.
- Yes, to me!

Get all the information
according to Jerry Bernstein

I need his file.
- It is classified.

There is such an organization

which breaks access passwords
to classified information.

Well, where is she?

- Well, let's go? “I'm sorry,
Jerry, I'll have to wait.”

- Why?
- A little check, it's quick.

- Because you...
- No no,

just need to check the suitcase.
- Thought he was yours?

No, this is a normal procedure.
They always do that.

Clear. Because you...

Us here. Jerry, this is Chris Cranfield,
Director of the Center for Cybersecurity

- A!
- It can’t be, I was expecting a man.

Jerry Bernstein, NSA. Which is more
convenient for you: Chris or Christopher?

“Actually, Christine.” - I
see. This is for your team...

- Wow.
- So, what's going on with us?

Tell in a nutshell
what are we working on?

Not! Come on, you get settled
first and then we'll talk.

Joseph, take
Jerry to his office.

- Yeah.
- Come on!

And what axis are we using here?
"Lysander 4.4"?

- "4.5".
- Class.

This is Tuva Olson. In the past -
the most notorious hacker in Europe.

And in the present!
I was joking.

I love comedians.
Jerry Bernstein, NSA.

- Bernstein? Are you Jewish?
“So I told you.” Yoke.

Mary, come, say hello to Jerry.
Perky.

- God, what happened?
- Nothing. What is it?

This is Mary Needham,
the best in our office.

- Best of what?
- In cryptanalysis.

Mary is one of the first
women professors

nominated for the Nobel Prize.
- Wow. Have you won?

No, and unfortunately
earned cystitis that day.

- I think because of stress.
- Great story.

Can I turn on the condo?
Here are twenty-three degrees

and I found out that my group
works better at twenty-one.

- Yes I can...
- Not. Sit down please, Joseph.

Yes, you will record after me.
Stay. Attention please!

From now on, I
am your best asset.

I came for you so use me

exploit, punish.

To make you feel

it’s like they loaded me
into each of you, even in you.

- What are you doing?
- Welcome all.

“Can they stop there?” - No,
they are busy. Bank of England

Alas, we can do
without the Americans.

Listen to what I tell you.
I am very happy about all this.

We will learn a lot from each
other. Especially with me.

And we are glad to cooperate

with our oldest
and closest ally.

Welcome to the Government
Communications Center.

Thanks. And now for the job!

Good morning!

- Hello! Do you like plants?
“They will die in three days.”

Don’t be afraid, I sprayed them with glue,
and now they, consider, are mummified.

By the way, where is the personnel
department? I would like to get a pass.

On the fourth floor,
but they are all on vacation.

Have you scored schoolchildren?

Come on, every... Wait a minute.
Hi Jerry, is everything all right?

- Yes. Do you know what this stain is?
- I can’t hear you.

- What is this stain? “I can't
hear from behind the glass.”

Maybe then you’ll come in?

Yes, sorry Jerry because of
the glass can not be heard.

- No problem. What is this spot?
- It was Elaine’s office,

there could be anything.
- He died here?

No, she’s on maternity leave,
so I’m even afraid to suppose.

- My God. - Come on then...
- Yes, disgusting.

Can't you get me a pass?
I really need a toilet.

This is in the human resources
department, they will do in a week.

- I would like it early.
- It does not matter, I will lead you. Now?

- Go on.
- Yes.

At the same time I will
give you an excursion.

“Have you stayed in Cheltenham?”
- Yes, at the Citrus Hotel.

Glorious, I was there at
the wake a couple of times,

the food is excellent.
So, look here for a second -

this is our special
room of silence,

where they move away from
the horrors of the Internet.

“Can you pee here?”
- No, actually it’s impossible.

And I sometimes write.

What a huge building we have! They
probably changed the lock code. Here.

- What is it?
- Already almost arrived. Ta-ak. Now.

- Come on again.
- Wait, which side...

- Spend it again!
- Now!

Yes to you! Nothing, nothing
Now we enter the code...

Jerry, could you
dictate after the four.

- Then? Fours?
- Yes, four.

- There is no four. Maybe a unit?
- Four.

- Unit?!
- Yes, one. One...

- Nine. - Nine. - Two.
- Two, seven.

It should work. You see!

Sorry, sorry! Here you
still need to put your finger,

True, it does not always work
after the chips.

“Why didn't you attach right
away?” - Because I ate chips,

and it does not always work.
- Back, back...

Give me your finger here.

What is wrong?
You are so small...

- Happened.
- Well!

Yeah be wrong. Now, the moment,
we need more on the iris...

Well, how much longer to wait?!

Damn, no way. I have a lazy eye and
sometimes it... Can't you lift it?

- Let's go! I go!
- Come in, come in.

Yes. USA.

he has eyes
pretty close set

and he also had a connection
with his cousin, so that...

- What the?
- I'm sorry, Chris, I'll delete.

Never mind. Where is the printout of
the report by the Bank of England?

The printer is not
working, I can’t...

- Dossier on Jerry.
- Quiet. What is it?

I could not open secret file

therefore made a cover.

- Here I am! And he didn’t even get lost.
- Hi, Jerry.

Chris, I understand
what your problem is.

- You have a problem with fighting spirit.
- Exactly. Thanks.

Therefore, first you need
turn on some music

because everyone
here is like a zombie.

Do you have Alexa here? Alexa,
turn on the second dirty NSA mix!

Alexa? Alexa?

Secondly, you need to raise
money and create a gym.

- Yes!
- Get pumped with endorphins.

Thirdly, you can somehow do it,
so that I can see the sun?

So, I will interrupt you. First
of all, I’m not your secretary,

I am a division director
cybersecurity DSP.

My grandfather invented
bouncing bomb

mom was a triple agent
during the cold war

and dad was the first to invent
such a thing as the Internet.

I'm sorry, but I do not care
indoor plants

and natural light.

Secondly, here
you are not the NSA,

you are exclusively here
for networking.

We don’t swing, we don’t listen
to playlists. We fight cybercrime

terrorism and sex slavery.

Thirdly, this is my unit,
my employees

and let me be very
glad to cooperate

with our oldest
and the closest ally

I will not allow to undermine
my authority just because

that some fool from the
government thinks they can

fight cybercrime better than us.

Nothing if I get back to work?

Looks like you stopped talking.

I'm still deaf after the flight.
Did you say something important?

Will you endure
such an attitude? A? A? Rag!

Evelyn...

I drive results for the Bank of England.
Call me the car to the entrance.

Ok don't forget the meeting at the Bank
of England. Do you need to call a car?

Hold on, old man,
you can do it! Yes?

Jerry, I'm wildly sorry

what Chris said.
You must be offended.

Do you know how
long I work at the NSA?

- Fifty years?
- Two... Twenty-five years.

- Sit down.
- Sure.

Can you imagine what experience
can be purchased

twenty-five years of service at the NSA?
- Nope.

In fact, I know
everything in the world.

I watched the intrigues of the terrorists
cyber attacks, attempts on life...

- On yours?
- Shut up for a moment. - Yeah.

I predicted the eleventh of September,
Afghanistan, bombings in London...

- When you say, predicted...
“Could I have prevented them?”

- Yes. - I think yes.
- Wow.

But did anyone listen to me? Not.
Forever alone I am the same garbage:

"Take your time Jerry, analyze

no evidence."
- Yes.

But what about the good old
American flair?

This is exactly
what we are missing.

- Have you sensed what will happen on September 11, 2001?
- Yes, it hit me like a thunder.

And one more
time a moment later.

You must have been in trouble?

What? What am I? Yes you just look
you'll like it. Go here. Come along.

- Yes?
- Yes! Take a look.

- My God. - Touch it!
- No I do not want to...

- Touch it!
- Do not touch!

Forty-fourth caliber.
Right through.

Wow. I have the exact same scar
after lipoma removal.

- Here is a tyutelka in a tyutelka.
- Nothing like this.

“That's exactly the same.”
- This is not a lipoma.

“It's a bullet scar.”
- And from that side... - No!

- Can?
- No, everything healed there perfectly,

and nothing is visible.
“Why were you sent here?”

- Relax?
- Yes, like that.

Old man, you have no idea
how lucky you are with me.

And do not say. Personally,
I'm insanely happy.

I could be in Paris, Milan,
New York, but I chose London.

- Cheltenham.
- Cheltenham. What's the point of hanging around here

if you do not change the situation for the better?
- I will not argue.

Of course I could stupidly keep in
touch until you lose heart rate,

but I want to boost morale.

Understand it so highly that people
would even move with difficulty.

- You understood me?
“Not even... Yes.”

I’m so uplifting
that people will run home.

- People will like it.
“And you will help me.”

Whatever you want, Jerry, just say it.
Consider me your personal assistant.

I thought you were
my assistant anyway.

Come on guys come, come.
Get into the circle.

You too. You are also a team
drop that bullshit.

All come, come.

Pack up pack up
it is very important.

- Like this. Take a closer look. Not by that much.
- Sorry.

Wonderful. Look, we
stood in a circle. Awesome.

So, the first thing to the core
I was struck when I arrived here,

this is your depressed look.
Do not misunderstand me,

each individually
looks... amazing

but the general impression is like
wandering around an abandoned farm.

Do you understand me?

In general, for starters, I would
suggest team building exercises.

- Great. - Yes. - Yes?
- Buzz.

- Yes? - Yes.
- And now all together: "Yes, Jerry."

- Yes, Jerry.
- Yes, Jerry.

Okay, we’ll work on it. Take
your hands out of your pockets.

- Ready?
- Yes.

Jerry says: raise
your right hand.

Lower it. You are all out!
Everyone dropped out!

Now take a step to the right. Excellent!
Jerry says, "Take a step to the left."

- God. “I got you wrong, right?”
- Yes.

Therefore, listen carefully.
In my clap fall. Have fallen!

For a start, not bad. Okay, get
up. Get up. Anyone hurt yourself?

No problem. The main thing is trust. At the
expense of "three" I ask everyone to undress.

Undress! I joked, stop it!
Where is your dignity?

Keep exploring each other:
faces, bodies.

And now I ask everyone to tell
when was the last time you had sex.

This is a great way to get
to know each other, open up.

We at the NSA do this every day.

- Sex?
- Sometimes. What do you say, my friend?

Hell, depending
on what you mean.

“You don't know what sex is?”
- No, I know what sex is,

just... hey, where are you?

- Mary, do you want to start? “Hell,
that was a long time ago.” Sorry.

- Noticeable. I can smell your pheromones.
- Thanks!

“You must be a bawdy.”
- Not.

It's sexy that you deny it.
Tuva...

- At 10:15 this morning.
“You came at eight.” - Well yes.

- What are you doing?!
- Chris, join in.

We are engaged in team building.

No, get back to work.
That's funny!

Really, Chrissy, I do it
just because

that it is absolutely necessary.
Also, see how everyone has fun.

We came here not to have fun.
This is a communication center.

Do you think Alan Turing
had fun? Well, all for work.

No wait. Listen, I understand

you absolutely don't need
dashing american fox

in your stiff british
chicken coop.

I didn’t want that either. But
I'm sure we will work together.

- Come on, eat at least candy.
- Never.

Shouldn't we cooperate?
A team?

Yes Jerry!

Do you really want Did your
employees see you like that?

Eat candy. Eat candy.

Okay!

Hurrah! Jerry said, "Fall!"

Jerry fixed the printer!

You see. Therefore,
they sent me here!

- Good Night!
- Good Night!