In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 5, Episode 20 - Thugs - full transcript
HI. I'M DR. JACK KERVORKIAN,
BUT A LOT OF YOU KNOW
ME SIMPLY AS, "DR. DEATH."
AS YOU KNOW, I RECENTLY AGREED
TO STOP ASSISTING PATIENT SUICIDES.
BUT NOW MY YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
CAN BE YOURS IN MY NEW BOOK,
DR. KERVORKIAN'S
BOOK OF HOME REMEDIES.
YOU KNOW, DOCTORS HAVE LONG
KNOWN HOW TO CURE COMMON AILMENTS...
WITH SIMPLE ITEMS
FOUND AROUND THE HOUSE.
FOOT PAIN GOT YOU DOWN, SON?
THEN JUST SOAK THAT FOOT IN A
BATHTUB FULL OF HOT SALTWATER...
WITH A CUP OF VINEGAR AND
A TABLESPOON OF CASTOR OIL.
THEN JUST ADD A STRING
OF CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.
SURE, IT'S MESSY,
BUT YOU WON'T HEAR
HIM COMPLAINING.
DOCTOR, I'M SO DEPRESSED.
I'VE GOT A SPLINTER IN
MY FINGER. WELL, THEN.
TRY TO FIND A GOOD VEIN.
THEN JUST USE A ORDINARY
HYPODERMIC NEEDLE...
WITH COMMON HOUSEHOLD AIR.
INJECT A SMALL BUBBLE OF
AIR DIRECTLY INTO THE ARTERY.
UH, ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?
POSITIVE. WORKS EVERY TIME.
DR. KERVORKIAN'S BOOK
OF HOME REMEDIES...
IS FULL OF THOUSANDS
OF THESE HANDY CURES...
FOR SUCH AILMENTS
AS BURNS, SCRAPES,
SCABIES,
EVEN HEADACHES.
JUST LISTEN TO ONE
OF MY RECENT PATIENTS.
I SUFFER FROM
TERRIBLE MIGRAINES.
REGULAR DOCTORS
COULDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME.
BUT THEN DR. KERVORKIAN'S
BOOK SUGGESTED...
MANY HOUSEHOLD ITEMS
TO ALLEVIATE MY PAIN.
FIRST OF...
I FOUND THIS 12-GAUGE JUST LYING
AROUND THE BEDROOM CLOSET.
THAT'S PROBABLY THE FIRST
GOOD REST SHE'S HAD IN DAYS.
AND YOU'LL REST IN PEACE
TOO, WHEN YOU ORDER...
DR. KERVORKIAN'S
BOOK OF HOME REMEDIES.
TO ORDER, CALL 1-600-DR. DEATH.
PLEASE HAVE YOUR
CREDIT CARD READY.
WE WILL NOT BILL
YOU LATER. CALL NOW.
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
- ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
MOST PEOPLE TODAY STILL FAIL TO
REALIZE THE IMMENSE CONTRIBUTIONS...
MADE BY AFRICAN-AMERICANS
TO POPULAR CULTURE...
AND THE UNIQUE FORMS OF
ENTERTAINMENT THEY INVENTED.
ON THIS DAY, JULY 15, 1900,
CRISPUS LAWRENCE WAS HOSTING
THE ANNUAL HARLEM SOCIETY BALL.
HELLO, CRISPUS? WASSUP?
WOULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME
FINISH HANGING THE BANNER?
ANYTHING FOR MY
LADY. WELL, THANK YOU.
YOU LOOK VERY NICE. WELL, THANK
YOU. SO, HOW THE PARTY, YOU KNOW?
HOW'S IT GOIN', YOU KNOW? IT'S
A VERY NICE GATHERING, CRISPUS.
THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. YEAH.
OH, D-DAMN! OH, DAMN! OH!
DAMN!...
- OH! GINA, OH...
- MOTHERFUCK...
OH!
THIS IS HURTIN' LIKE A... MAN.
OH! THUMB IS SWOLE
UP BIGGER THAN...
BETSY ROSS'S...
AIN'T THIS A BITCH? BITCH?
DON'T YOU CALL ME
BITCH, YOU LITTLE...
PEANUT HEAD!
YOUR EARS ARE SO BIG,
HE CAN HEAR AN ANT... FART.
OHH!
OH! OH! OH! AND AT THAT MOMENT,
CRISPUS INVENTED THE
FIRST DEF COMEDY JAM,
AND HIS COMPANION
BECAME THE APOLLO LADY!
- WASSUP WITH YOUR...
- HAIR, GIRL? DAMN!
- YOUR HAIR IS SO FAKE.
- IT LOOK LIKE A...
SKUNK CRAWLED ON YOUR
HEAD AND WENT TO SLEEP.
NOO!
I'LL BET THERE'S SOME NAKED HORSES
OUTSIDE SAYIN' THEY GOT THEIR TAIL MISSIN'.
OHHH! OHH!
LOOK AT THIS... OH!
HE'S SO DUMB, HE GOT A TICKET
TO THE... UNDERGROUND RAILROAD.
AND THE FIRST DEF
COMEDY JAM WAS BORN.
I'M DAVID ALAN GRIER AND THIS HAS BEEN
ANOTHER GREAT MOMENT IN BLACK HISTORY.
IN THE DARKNESS OF THE
NIGHT, WHILE AMERICA SLEEPS,
THEY'RE OUT THERE
ROAMING THE STREETS,
RISKING THEIR LIVES,
DOING THEIR JOB.
THEY'RE...
NOW THIS IS A TOUGH
NEIGHBORHOOD.
THEY GOT NEIGHBORHOOD
WATCH ALL UP IN THERE.
NEIGHBORS LOOKING OUT FOR
EACH OTHER... IT'S BAD, MAN.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. IT IS BAD.
MOST PEOPLE... MOST GUYS IN OUR
PROFESSION, THEY WOULD TURN BACK NOW.
THIS WOULD BE A DISCOURAGEMENT
TO 'EM. BUT NOT US. WHY?
BECAUSE WERE TRAINED CRIMINAL
PROFESSIONALS... PROFESSIONAL CRIMINALS.
WE DON'T GET SCARED OFF BY SIGNALS
THAT WOULD SCARE OFF OTHER PEOPLE.
WE'RE HERE... DANGER IS PART OF OUR
BUSINESS. YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
IT'S PART OF OUR
BUSINESS... DANGER. YEAH.
HEY, MAN, WE'RE THUGS.
- NOW CHECK THIS OUT.
- YEAH? WHAT?
THE NEWSPAPERS.
YEAH, I SEE NEWSPAPERS.
SO WHAT? BIG DEAL.
THERE'S THREE OF 'EM! YEAH, ONE, TWO,
THREE. WHAT ARE THEY, SLOW READERS?
NO, THEY'RE NOT
SLOW READERS, STUPID.
THEY'RE NOT HOME.
THAT'S WHAT THEY IS!
OH, PAPER... THREE PAPERS.
SEE THAT? THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.
HE SEES THREE PAPERS. HE
GOES BOOM. HE MAKES AN ANALYSIS.
HE MAKES A
CONNECTION. HE MAKES A...
HIS CRIMINAL MIND GOES TO
WORK IN THERE. THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT
THIS GUY, HUH? HEY, MAN.
IS THAT A FACE ON HIM, HUH? HI,
MOM. HI, MOM. DON'T DO THAT NO MORE!
HE'S A LITTLE NERVOUS. HE JUST GOT OUT OF
THE JOINT. WRITE THAT PAPERS THING DOWN.
'CAUSE THAT IS A GOOD TIP FOR
OUR... YOU KNOW, FOR OUR FUTURE.
WA-WA-WAIT. COME HERE,
COME HERE, COME HERE. WHAT?
LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT
THAT SIGN. SEE THAT?
THAT'S A VERY EXPENSIVE SECURITY
SYSTEM. IT'S "INPREGNATABLE," OKAY?
YOU CAN'T GET PAST THAT.
I'M NOT ROBBIN' NO HOUSE WHERE THEY JUST
SPENT 10,000 BUCKS ON A SECURITY SYSTEM.
MAN, THAT AIN'T SHIT, MAN. THEY DIDN'T
SPEND NO $10,000 ON NO SECURITY SYSTEM.
THEY SPEND $10 ON A
SECURITY SYSTEM SIGN! SIGN...
NO, YOU GET THE SIGN WITH THE SYSTEM.
SEE, THEY GIVE YOU A SIGN AND A SYSTEM.
IF THEY HAD INSTALLED THE
SYSTEM, THEY'D HAD GOT THE SIGN.
THEY GOT THE SIGN TO SCARE
US OFF, MAN. SCARE TACTIC.
OH, THEY JUST GOT THE SIGN?
THEY DIDN'T GET NO SYSTEM. NO.
SH-SHHH!
SORRY. ALL RIGHT. I'M SORRY. HEY,
LOOK, A BUNNY RABBIT. SEE THAT?
HEY. "WHAT'S UP, DOC?"
COME ON!
HUH? LOOK AT THAT. THIS
IS WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO.
THIS IS THE KIND OF HAUL THAT
MAKES EVERYTHING WORTHWHILE.
YOU GET CHASED BY
DOGS, YOU GET CHASED BY
COPS, BUT WHEN YOU
FIND SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
YOU FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW WHY
YOU STARTED IN THIS BUSINESS.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?
LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THIS WATCH.
TELL TIME IN... TELL
TIME IN 24 TIME ZONES.
HEY, AL. DO YOU KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS IN NAIROBI?
NO. WOULD YOU SHUT UP
AND STOP SAYING MY NAME.
I DIDN'T... DID I SAY JACKSON?
DID I SAY AL JACKSON?
HEY! WHO'S OUT THERE?
WHAT THE HELL'S
GOIN' ON OUT THERE?
I KNOW YOU'RE OUT HERE.
I'VE GOT A GUN! SEE,
THAT MAKES ME SICK.
THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG
WITH OUR SOCIETY. TOO
MANY GUNS IN THE HANDS
OF TOO MANY PEOPLE...
WHO HAVE NO
BUSINESS HAVING THEM.
THE ONLY WAY WE CAN MEET THIS KIND OF
VIOLENCE IS WITH A VIOLENT ACT OF OUR OWN.
RIGHT, AL? THAT'S
RIGHT. LET'S DO IT.
- GET HIM ON THREE.
- ONE, TWO, THREE.
ALL RIGHT, I SURRENDER.
YOU GOT ME. HOLD IT!
HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? I'M
NOT TALKING A BULLET FOR A WATCH.
OKAY, AL? WHAT BULLET?
HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A GUN.
HE'S GOT A... BANANA!
WELL, I TRUSTED HIM.
HE'S A HOMEOWNER. WH-WHAT
CAN I TELL YA. WOULD YOU COME ON?
YOU KNOW, CAN I HAVE A
COUPLE OF THESE CANDIES?
WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE?
AL JACKSON!
COME ON, MAN! COME
ON! ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
FREEZE! FREEZE!
KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN
SEE 'EM. ON THE FLOOR! ON THE FLOOR!
♪♪
THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
CATCHING A COUPLE OF THUGS TRYIN' TO
MAKE OFF WITH SOMEONE'S BELONGINGS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. PROFESSIONAL
CRIMINALS LIKE US, BUSTED BY THE COPS.
AND NOT JUST ANY
COPS... THE SHOW COPS!
WE THOUGHT YOUSE GUYS WAS
CANCELED. MUST HAVE BEEN CHEVY CHASE.
HEY-HEY-HEY, WATCH
THE LEATHER, HUH?
HEY, WATCH THE LEATHER. I
KNOW MY RIGHTS. YEAH, YEAH.
MAN, THE GREAT THING ABOUT
THIS JOB IS WE'LL BE OUT IN NO TIME!
JUST IN TIME FOR THE NEXT EXCITING
EPISODE OF THUGS. HEY, HEY, HEY!
HI!
HI.
IS THIS LINE FOR
HETEROSEXUALS ONLY?
UHHH, NO. IT'S NOT.
GOOD. BECAUSE...
I'M GAY!
UH, ALL RIGHT. THAT'S
FINE. YEAH. NO...
IS THIS LINE ALL GAY?
NO, IT ISN'T. WHAT A SHAME.
IF WE WERE BOTH GAY, WE
COULD BE GOING AT IT RIGHT HERE.
UH, MISS, CAN I GET
MY FOOD, PLEASE?
CAN I GET MY FOOD? JUST TWO CONSENTING
ADULTS WITH THEIR GROINS ON FIRE.
NOTHING WRONG
WITH THAT. NO, SIRREE!
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, SIR?
WELL, SEXUALLY, NOTHING.
YOU SEE, YOU'RE A
WOMAN, AND I, BEING GAY,
AM ATTRACTED ONLY TO MEN.
- ARE YOU GONNA
ORDER SOMETHING?
- OH.
I GET IT.
THE FRUITCAKE IS
HOLDING UP THE LINE!
NO, IT'S NOT THAT, SIR. I JUST
HAVE TO GET MY... NO BIGGIE!
YOU'RE JUST FRIGHTENED OF
SOMETHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
NOW, LET'S SEE.
I THINK THE COMBO MEAL WOULD
SATISFY A HOMOSEXUAL'S TASTE BUDS.
AND I'M A HOMOSEXUAL,
SO I'LL HAVE THAT.
ONE COMBO MEAL FOR
THE HOMOSEXUAL MAN.
THIS IS GREAT.
ATTENTION, PLEASE. ATTENTION!
I AM GAY! REPEAT.
I AM VERY GAY!
JUST GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS
NORMALLY... AS HETEROSEXUALS.
OKAY, SIR. THAT'LL
BE $5.67, PLEASE.
WOW.
IT'S A GOOD THING GAY MEN WORK.
THANK YOU ON BEHALF OF ALL
HOMOSEXUALS. YOUR WELCOME.
DO YOU MIND IF I SIT
HERE? I'M GAY, YOU KNOW.
YEAH, SURE. WHATEVER, MAN.
YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE GAY.
NAH. WELL, I'LL TELL
YOU. IT'S NOT SO BAD.
THE HOURS ARE GOOD.
THAT'S A GAY MAN'S JOKE.
BUT, SERIOUSLY, IT'S
FAN-DOUBLE-TASTIC BEING GAY.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR ME SING?
I LOVE SHOW TUNES. YOU KNOW WHY?
OH, LET ME GUESS.
YOU'RE GAY? THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M AS GAY AS GAY CAN BE.
I'M A LIMP-WRESTED
FRUITCAKE. I'M A STUBBIE RUBBER.
LOOK AT ME, I'M FLAMING.
LET'S DO THE HOMOSEXUAL
BLINDFOLD TEST.
ALL RIGHT.
YEOWW. I PREFER THIS ONE.
HEY, PAL!
THAT WAS THE VIBRATING PALM.
THERE'S A GAY MAN
DOWN BY TABLE TWO.
A GAY MAN DOWN NEAR TABLE TWO.
I KNOW MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.
HEY!
WAIT A SECOND. THAT'S ODD.
MY MANHOOD IS
COMPLETELY ENGORGED!
PERHAPS I SHOULD RETHINK
THIS WHOLE HOMOSEXUAL THING.
BY THE WAY, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
BERT, AND I'M REALLY A MAN.
NO WONDER!
YOU SEE, I'M GAY,
AND GAY MEN HAVE
TERRIFIC INTUITION.
HEY, LET'S GO HAVE A DRINK.
I KNOW A BAR CALLED THE PILE
DRIVER YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN.
SHALL WE GO?
EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE, GAY
PEOPLE COMING THROUGH!
♪♪
♪ WELL I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING WITH
THE PRESSURES OF THE WORLD ON MY MIND... ♪
♪♪
♪ I MUST GET PHYSICAL ♪
♪ I CHECK THE TIME PUT ON MY
CLOTHES AND GRAB MY PAGER ♪
♪♪
♪♪
GOOD EVENING, PUPILS.
WELCOME TO THE HOLLYWOOD
SCHOOL OF SELF-DEFENSE.
NOW STAND TO GREET YOUR
SENSEI, SWEET TOOTH JONES.
RIGHT ON.
♪ YAH, YAH ♪
♪ YAH, YAH SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ SOMEBODY GRABS YOU BY
THE SHIRT YOU'RE LIKE "WHAT UP" ♪
♪ SHOW 'EM YOU AIN'T PLAYING ♪
♪ KARATE PROTECTING YOUR BODY ♪
- ♪ SUGAR BEAR ♪
- ♪ LA-DI-DA-DI ♪
♪ STEP TO THE LEFT
STEP TO THE RIGHT ♪
♪ LIKE IT'S ALL
RIGHT YAH, YAH ♪♪
THAT'S OUTTA SIGHT!
STUDENTS, TODAY YOU ALL HAVE...
THE MARTIAL ARTS PROWESS...
OF A JIMMIE "DYN-O-MITE..."
"KID DYN-O-MITE" WALKER. WHOO!
BUT BY THE TIME I'M
FINISHED WITH Y'ALL,
Y'ALL GONNA BE AS
BAD AS JIM BROWN...
IN THREE THE HARD WAY.
THAT'S RIGHT. THREE THE
HARD WAY, WITH JIM KELLY,
FRED WILLIAMSON... EXCUSE
ME, UH-UH... EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU QUALIFIED TO
TEACH ME SELF-DEFENSE?
BECAUSE I'M PRETTY TIRED OF, UH,
YOU KNOW, BEING PUSHED AROUND.
HOLD UP, BIG SLIM!
GIVE THE BROTHER A CHANCE
TO DROP SCIENCE. RIGHT ON.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, QUEEN
BEE. STEP OFF, BIG RAY.
THE ASS-WHIPPIN' STOP HERE.
NOW, GROOVE ON MY
ANCIENT TECHNIQUES.
THE GAME IS TOUGH! THE
STAKES ARE YOUR LIFE.
CHECK IT OUT. STEP TO ME BABY.
TRY IT AGAIN.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'? KEEP
YOUR EYE ON THE SPARROW!
- HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT?
- WELL, UH, IT WAS NICE,
BUT YOU DIDN'T REALLY TOUCH HER.
I DIDN'T HAVE TO.
I'M THAT BAD.
NOW, SCENARIO
NUMERO UNO LET'S GO!
COME ON!
NOW, LET'S JUST SUPPOSE
YOU'RE RELAXING IN THE CRIB.
ALL RIGHT, YOU IN THE HOT TUB.
YOU'RE IN THERE WITH YOUR
FOXY LADY. THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE SIPPIN' ON SOME
BOONE'S FARM APPLE WINE.
YOU CHILLIN'. YOU LISTENIN'
TO ISAAC HAYES ON THE HI-FI.
AW, SHUCKS! HOT-BUTTERED SOUL.
SAY WHAT? ALL THE
SUDDEN THE FUZZ SHOWS UP!
UH, EXCUSE ME. WHAT
EXACTLY IS THE "FUZZ"?
NOW I'LL BUST YA!
YOU NEED TO DIG YOURSELF MAN!
PIGS, CHARLEY,
THE POLICE! OH, OH!
IT'S ALL RIGHT, QUEEN
BEE. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOT TO UNLEASH A FLURRY
OF MARTIAL ARTS TECHNIQUES.
ASSUME THE POSITION, QUEEN BEE.
YOU GRAB.
OH, DON'T TRY TO BLOCK IT NOW!
T LOOKS LIKE THE SAME STUFF YOU
SHOWED US ABOUT FIVE MINUTES AGO.
HEY, YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS, RED?
YEAH, HUEY NEWTON! YEAH, I DO!
WHAT DOES SOME "B" MOVIE
HAVE TO DO WITH SELF-DEFENSE?
WE'RE PAYING GOOD MONEY TO LEARN
LEGITIMATE MARTIAL ARTS MOVES HERE.
YEAH, HONKY. HOLD ON. DI
WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET.
SHE MIGHT JUST BE A DeBARGE.
WHAT YOU NEED TO
DO IS NOT GET UPTIGHT!
I AM A FIGHT
CHOREOGRAPHER! ALL RIGHT?
- THAT DALLY THROW DOWN.
- HEY, YOU AISTER. SPRAY.
HEY!
YEAH. MAN, GET OFF ME
AND START THE MUSIC.
♪♪
♪ YAH, YAH ♪
♪ YAH, YAH ♪
♪ SEE WHAT I'M SAYING ♪
BS YOU BY YOUR SHIRT,
YOU'RE LIKE ♪ ♪ YAH ♪
♪ SHOW 'EM YOU AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
HEY, YOU HUNGRY, MAN? YEAH.
COME ON. LET'S GO GET
SOMETHIN' TO EAT, MAN.
GOOD FOOT!
BRINGING IT HOME THIS WEEK
FOX RECORDING ARTIST SIMPLE E,
DOIN' "PLAY MY FUNK."
ALL RIGHT! ♪♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY
WANNA PLAY MY FUNK ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY
WANNA PLAY MY FUNK ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS MY NAME ♪
MY FUNK ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY WAN ♪
♪ PLAY MY FUNK ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS MY NAME ♪
♪ I WAS WALKIN'
ON THE RAILROAD ♪
♪ I SET MY BOOTY ON THE TRACKS ♪
♪ I SAW THIS KID
♪ SO♪ I SAID LOOK-A HERE, BACK ♪
PARTNER ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T BE ME ♪
♪ I BE THE ONE IT
AIN'T TWO NOW ♪
♪ AND YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ NOW MOVE ON I GOT THE FELLAS
JEALOUS 'CAUSE I FLOWS LIKE NONE ♪
WHOLE NINE NEED NOT PACK A GUN ♪
I TAKES THEN I FEEDS
TO THE YOUNG ♪
♪ SPRUNG ON THE
AIR THAT I BREATHE ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T CONCEIVE
HOW I BRAIDS AND I WEAVES ♪
PEAR SOME FEAR FOR THE SMEAR ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA
HAVE IN ABUNDANCE ♪
♪ I WRITE, SEE, I WRITE, SEE I
WRITE DID YOU KNOW THAT ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY
WANNA PLAY MY FUNK ♪
NK ♪
W EVERYBODY WANNA PLAY
MY FUNK NOW EVERYBODY... ♪♪
BUT A LOT OF YOU KNOW
ME SIMPLY AS, "DR. DEATH."
AS YOU KNOW, I RECENTLY AGREED
TO STOP ASSISTING PATIENT SUICIDES.
BUT NOW MY YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
CAN BE YOURS IN MY NEW BOOK,
DR. KERVORKIAN'S
BOOK OF HOME REMEDIES.
YOU KNOW, DOCTORS HAVE LONG
KNOWN HOW TO CURE COMMON AILMENTS...
WITH SIMPLE ITEMS
FOUND AROUND THE HOUSE.
FOOT PAIN GOT YOU DOWN, SON?
THEN JUST SOAK THAT FOOT IN A
BATHTUB FULL OF HOT SALTWATER...
WITH A CUP OF VINEGAR AND
A TABLESPOON OF CASTOR OIL.
THEN JUST ADD A STRING
OF CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.
SURE, IT'S MESSY,
BUT YOU WON'T HEAR
HIM COMPLAINING.
DOCTOR, I'M SO DEPRESSED.
I'VE GOT A SPLINTER IN
MY FINGER. WELL, THEN.
TRY TO FIND A GOOD VEIN.
THEN JUST USE A ORDINARY
HYPODERMIC NEEDLE...
WITH COMMON HOUSEHOLD AIR.
INJECT A SMALL BUBBLE OF
AIR DIRECTLY INTO THE ARTERY.
UH, ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?
POSITIVE. WORKS EVERY TIME.
DR. KERVORKIAN'S BOOK
OF HOME REMEDIES...
IS FULL OF THOUSANDS
OF THESE HANDY CURES...
FOR SUCH AILMENTS
AS BURNS, SCRAPES,
SCABIES,
EVEN HEADACHES.
JUST LISTEN TO ONE
OF MY RECENT PATIENTS.
I SUFFER FROM
TERRIBLE MIGRAINES.
REGULAR DOCTORS
COULDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME.
BUT THEN DR. KERVORKIAN'S
BOOK SUGGESTED...
MANY HOUSEHOLD ITEMS
TO ALLEVIATE MY PAIN.
FIRST OF...
I FOUND THIS 12-GAUGE JUST LYING
AROUND THE BEDROOM CLOSET.
THAT'S PROBABLY THE FIRST
GOOD REST SHE'S HAD IN DAYS.
AND YOU'LL REST IN PEACE
TOO, WHEN YOU ORDER...
DR. KERVORKIAN'S
BOOK OF HOME REMEDIES.
TO ORDER, CALL 1-600-DR. DEATH.
PLEASE HAVE YOUR
CREDIT CARD READY.
WE WILL NOT BILL
YOU LATER. CALL NOW.
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
- ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE
TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
MOST PEOPLE TODAY STILL FAIL TO
REALIZE THE IMMENSE CONTRIBUTIONS...
MADE BY AFRICAN-AMERICANS
TO POPULAR CULTURE...
AND THE UNIQUE FORMS OF
ENTERTAINMENT THEY INVENTED.
ON THIS DAY, JULY 15, 1900,
CRISPUS LAWRENCE WAS HOSTING
THE ANNUAL HARLEM SOCIETY BALL.
HELLO, CRISPUS? WASSUP?
WOULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME
FINISH HANGING THE BANNER?
ANYTHING FOR MY
LADY. WELL, THANK YOU.
YOU LOOK VERY NICE. WELL, THANK
YOU. SO, HOW THE PARTY, YOU KNOW?
HOW'S IT GOIN', YOU KNOW? IT'S
A VERY NICE GATHERING, CRISPUS.
THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. YEAH.
OH, D-DAMN! OH, DAMN! OH!
DAMN!...
- OH! GINA, OH...
- MOTHERFUCK...
OH!
THIS IS HURTIN' LIKE A... MAN.
OH! THUMB IS SWOLE
UP BIGGER THAN...
BETSY ROSS'S...
AIN'T THIS A BITCH? BITCH?
DON'T YOU CALL ME
BITCH, YOU LITTLE...
PEANUT HEAD!
YOUR EARS ARE SO BIG,
HE CAN HEAR AN ANT... FART.
OHH!
OH! OH! OH! AND AT THAT MOMENT,
CRISPUS INVENTED THE
FIRST DEF COMEDY JAM,
AND HIS COMPANION
BECAME THE APOLLO LADY!
- WASSUP WITH YOUR...
- HAIR, GIRL? DAMN!
- YOUR HAIR IS SO FAKE.
- IT LOOK LIKE A...
SKUNK CRAWLED ON YOUR
HEAD AND WENT TO SLEEP.
NOO!
I'LL BET THERE'S SOME NAKED HORSES
OUTSIDE SAYIN' THEY GOT THEIR TAIL MISSIN'.
OHHH! OHH!
LOOK AT THIS... OH!
HE'S SO DUMB, HE GOT A TICKET
TO THE... UNDERGROUND RAILROAD.
AND THE FIRST DEF
COMEDY JAM WAS BORN.
I'M DAVID ALAN GRIER AND THIS HAS BEEN
ANOTHER GREAT MOMENT IN BLACK HISTORY.
IN THE DARKNESS OF THE
NIGHT, WHILE AMERICA SLEEPS,
THEY'RE OUT THERE
ROAMING THE STREETS,
RISKING THEIR LIVES,
DOING THEIR JOB.
THEY'RE...
NOW THIS IS A TOUGH
NEIGHBORHOOD.
THEY GOT NEIGHBORHOOD
WATCH ALL UP IN THERE.
NEIGHBORS LOOKING OUT FOR
EACH OTHER... IT'S BAD, MAN.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. IT IS BAD.
MOST PEOPLE... MOST GUYS IN OUR
PROFESSION, THEY WOULD TURN BACK NOW.
THIS WOULD BE A DISCOURAGEMENT
TO 'EM. BUT NOT US. WHY?
BECAUSE WERE TRAINED CRIMINAL
PROFESSIONALS... PROFESSIONAL CRIMINALS.
WE DON'T GET SCARED OFF BY SIGNALS
THAT WOULD SCARE OFF OTHER PEOPLE.
WE'RE HERE... DANGER IS PART OF OUR
BUSINESS. YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
IT'S PART OF OUR
BUSINESS... DANGER. YEAH.
HEY, MAN, WE'RE THUGS.
- NOW CHECK THIS OUT.
- YEAH? WHAT?
THE NEWSPAPERS.
YEAH, I SEE NEWSPAPERS.
SO WHAT? BIG DEAL.
THERE'S THREE OF 'EM! YEAH, ONE, TWO,
THREE. WHAT ARE THEY, SLOW READERS?
NO, THEY'RE NOT
SLOW READERS, STUPID.
THEY'RE NOT HOME.
THAT'S WHAT THEY IS!
OH, PAPER... THREE PAPERS.
SEE THAT? THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.
HE SEES THREE PAPERS. HE
GOES BOOM. HE MAKES AN ANALYSIS.
HE MAKES A
CONNECTION. HE MAKES A...
HIS CRIMINAL MIND GOES TO
WORK IN THERE. THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT
THIS GUY, HUH? HEY, MAN.
IS THAT A FACE ON HIM, HUH? HI,
MOM. HI, MOM. DON'T DO THAT NO MORE!
HE'S A LITTLE NERVOUS. HE JUST GOT OUT OF
THE JOINT. WRITE THAT PAPERS THING DOWN.
'CAUSE THAT IS A GOOD TIP FOR
OUR... YOU KNOW, FOR OUR FUTURE.
WA-WA-WAIT. COME HERE,
COME HERE, COME HERE. WHAT?
LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT
THAT SIGN. SEE THAT?
THAT'S A VERY EXPENSIVE SECURITY
SYSTEM. IT'S "INPREGNATABLE," OKAY?
YOU CAN'T GET PAST THAT.
I'M NOT ROBBIN' NO HOUSE WHERE THEY JUST
SPENT 10,000 BUCKS ON A SECURITY SYSTEM.
MAN, THAT AIN'T SHIT, MAN. THEY DIDN'T
SPEND NO $10,000 ON NO SECURITY SYSTEM.
THEY SPEND $10 ON A
SECURITY SYSTEM SIGN! SIGN...
NO, YOU GET THE SIGN WITH THE SYSTEM.
SEE, THEY GIVE YOU A SIGN AND A SYSTEM.
IF THEY HAD INSTALLED THE
SYSTEM, THEY'D HAD GOT THE SIGN.
THEY GOT THE SIGN TO SCARE
US OFF, MAN. SCARE TACTIC.
OH, THEY JUST GOT THE SIGN?
THEY DIDN'T GET NO SYSTEM. NO.
SH-SHHH!
SORRY. ALL RIGHT. I'M SORRY. HEY,
LOOK, A BUNNY RABBIT. SEE THAT?
HEY. "WHAT'S UP, DOC?"
COME ON!
HUH? LOOK AT THAT. THIS
IS WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO.
THIS IS THE KIND OF HAUL THAT
MAKES EVERYTHING WORTHWHILE.
YOU GET CHASED BY
DOGS, YOU GET CHASED BY
COPS, BUT WHEN YOU
FIND SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
YOU FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW WHY
YOU STARTED IN THIS BUSINESS.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?
LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THIS WATCH.
TELL TIME IN... TELL
TIME IN 24 TIME ZONES.
HEY, AL. DO YOU KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS IN NAIROBI?
NO. WOULD YOU SHUT UP
AND STOP SAYING MY NAME.
I DIDN'T... DID I SAY JACKSON?
DID I SAY AL JACKSON?
HEY! WHO'S OUT THERE?
WHAT THE HELL'S
GOIN' ON OUT THERE?
I KNOW YOU'RE OUT HERE.
I'VE GOT A GUN! SEE,
THAT MAKES ME SICK.
THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG
WITH OUR SOCIETY. TOO
MANY GUNS IN THE HANDS
OF TOO MANY PEOPLE...
WHO HAVE NO
BUSINESS HAVING THEM.
THE ONLY WAY WE CAN MEET THIS KIND OF
VIOLENCE IS WITH A VIOLENT ACT OF OUR OWN.
RIGHT, AL? THAT'S
RIGHT. LET'S DO IT.
- GET HIM ON THREE.
- ONE, TWO, THREE.
ALL RIGHT, I SURRENDER.
YOU GOT ME. HOLD IT!
HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? I'M
NOT TALKING A BULLET FOR A WATCH.
OKAY, AL? WHAT BULLET?
HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A GUN.
HE'S GOT A... BANANA!
WELL, I TRUSTED HIM.
HE'S A HOMEOWNER. WH-WHAT
CAN I TELL YA. WOULD YOU COME ON?
YOU KNOW, CAN I HAVE A
COUPLE OF THESE CANDIES?
WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE?
AL JACKSON!
COME ON, MAN! COME
ON! ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
FREEZE! FREEZE!
KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN
SEE 'EM. ON THE FLOOR! ON THE FLOOR!
♪♪
THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
CATCHING A COUPLE OF THUGS TRYIN' TO
MAKE OFF WITH SOMEONE'S BELONGINGS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. PROFESSIONAL
CRIMINALS LIKE US, BUSTED BY THE COPS.
AND NOT JUST ANY
COPS... THE SHOW COPS!
WE THOUGHT YOUSE GUYS WAS
CANCELED. MUST HAVE BEEN CHEVY CHASE.
HEY-HEY-HEY, WATCH
THE LEATHER, HUH?
HEY, WATCH THE LEATHER. I
KNOW MY RIGHTS. YEAH, YEAH.
MAN, THE GREAT THING ABOUT
THIS JOB IS WE'LL BE OUT IN NO TIME!
JUST IN TIME FOR THE NEXT EXCITING
EPISODE OF THUGS. HEY, HEY, HEY!
HI!
HI.
IS THIS LINE FOR
HETEROSEXUALS ONLY?
UHHH, NO. IT'S NOT.
GOOD. BECAUSE...
I'M GAY!
UH, ALL RIGHT. THAT'S
FINE. YEAH. NO...
IS THIS LINE ALL GAY?
NO, IT ISN'T. WHAT A SHAME.
IF WE WERE BOTH GAY, WE
COULD BE GOING AT IT RIGHT HERE.
UH, MISS, CAN I GET
MY FOOD, PLEASE?
CAN I GET MY FOOD? JUST TWO CONSENTING
ADULTS WITH THEIR GROINS ON FIRE.
NOTHING WRONG
WITH THAT. NO, SIRREE!
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, SIR?
WELL, SEXUALLY, NOTHING.
YOU SEE, YOU'RE A
WOMAN, AND I, BEING GAY,
AM ATTRACTED ONLY TO MEN.
- ARE YOU GONNA
ORDER SOMETHING?
- OH.
I GET IT.
THE FRUITCAKE IS
HOLDING UP THE LINE!
NO, IT'S NOT THAT, SIR. I JUST
HAVE TO GET MY... NO BIGGIE!
YOU'RE JUST FRIGHTENED OF
SOMETHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
NOW, LET'S SEE.
I THINK THE COMBO MEAL WOULD
SATISFY A HOMOSEXUAL'S TASTE BUDS.
AND I'M A HOMOSEXUAL,
SO I'LL HAVE THAT.
ONE COMBO MEAL FOR
THE HOMOSEXUAL MAN.
THIS IS GREAT.
ATTENTION, PLEASE. ATTENTION!
I AM GAY! REPEAT.
I AM VERY GAY!
JUST GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS
NORMALLY... AS HETEROSEXUALS.
OKAY, SIR. THAT'LL
BE $5.67, PLEASE.
WOW.
IT'S A GOOD THING GAY MEN WORK.
THANK YOU ON BEHALF OF ALL
HOMOSEXUALS. YOUR WELCOME.
DO YOU MIND IF I SIT
HERE? I'M GAY, YOU KNOW.
YEAH, SURE. WHATEVER, MAN.
YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE GAY.
NAH. WELL, I'LL TELL
YOU. IT'S NOT SO BAD.
THE HOURS ARE GOOD.
THAT'S A GAY MAN'S JOKE.
BUT, SERIOUSLY, IT'S
FAN-DOUBLE-TASTIC BEING GAY.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR ME SING?
I LOVE SHOW TUNES. YOU KNOW WHY?
OH, LET ME GUESS.
YOU'RE GAY? THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M AS GAY AS GAY CAN BE.
I'M A LIMP-WRESTED
FRUITCAKE. I'M A STUBBIE RUBBER.
LOOK AT ME, I'M FLAMING.
LET'S DO THE HOMOSEXUAL
BLINDFOLD TEST.
ALL RIGHT.
YEOWW. I PREFER THIS ONE.
HEY, PAL!
THAT WAS THE VIBRATING PALM.
THERE'S A GAY MAN
DOWN BY TABLE TWO.
A GAY MAN DOWN NEAR TABLE TWO.
I KNOW MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.
HEY!
WAIT A SECOND. THAT'S ODD.
MY MANHOOD IS
COMPLETELY ENGORGED!
PERHAPS I SHOULD RETHINK
THIS WHOLE HOMOSEXUAL THING.
BY THE WAY, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
BERT, AND I'M REALLY A MAN.
NO WONDER!
YOU SEE, I'M GAY,
AND GAY MEN HAVE
TERRIFIC INTUITION.
HEY, LET'S GO HAVE A DRINK.
I KNOW A BAR CALLED THE PILE
DRIVER YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN.
SHALL WE GO?
EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE, GAY
PEOPLE COMING THROUGH!
♪♪
♪ WELL I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING WITH
THE PRESSURES OF THE WORLD ON MY MIND... ♪
♪♪
♪ I MUST GET PHYSICAL ♪
♪ I CHECK THE TIME PUT ON MY
CLOTHES AND GRAB MY PAGER ♪
♪♪
♪♪
GOOD EVENING, PUPILS.
WELCOME TO THE HOLLYWOOD
SCHOOL OF SELF-DEFENSE.
NOW STAND TO GREET YOUR
SENSEI, SWEET TOOTH JONES.
RIGHT ON.
♪ YAH, YAH ♪
♪ YAH, YAH SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ SOMEBODY GRABS YOU BY
THE SHIRT YOU'RE LIKE "WHAT UP" ♪
♪ SHOW 'EM YOU AIN'T PLAYING ♪
♪ KARATE PROTECTING YOUR BODY ♪
- ♪ SUGAR BEAR ♪
- ♪ LA-DI-DA-DI ♪
♪ STEP TO THE LEFT
STEP TO THE RIGHT ♪
♪ LIKE IT'S ALL
RIGHT YAH, YAH ♪♪
THAT'S OUTTA SIGHT!
STUDENTS, TODAY YOU ALL HAVE...
THE MARTIAL ARTS PROWESS...
OF A JIMMIE "DYN-O-MITE..."
"KID DYN-O-MITE" WALKER. WHOO!
BUT BY THE TIME I'M
FINISHED WITH Y'ALL,
Y'ALL GONNA BE AS
BAD AS JIM BROWN...
IN THREE THE HARD WAY.
THAT'S RIGHT. THREE THE
HARD WAY, WITH JIM KELLY,
FRED WILLIAMSON... EXCUSE
ME, UH-UH... EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU QUALIFIED TO
TEACH ME SELF-DEFENSE?
BECAUSE I'M PRETTY TIRED OF, UH,
YOU KNOW, BEING PUSHED AROUND.
HOLD UP, BIG SLIM!
GIVE THE BROTHER A CHANCE
TO DROP SCIENCE. RIGHT ON.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, QUEEN
BEE. STEP OFF, BIG RAY.
THE ASS-WHIPPIN' STOP HERE.
NOW, GROOVE ON MY
ANCIENT TECHNIQUES.
THE GAME IS TOUGH! THE
STAKES ARE YOUR LIFE.
CHECK IT OUT. STEP TO ME BABY.
TRY IT AGAIN.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'? KEEP
YOUR EYE ON THE SPARROW!
- HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT?
- WELL, UH, IT WAS NICE,
BUT YOU DIDN'T REALLY TOUCH HER.
I DIDN'T HAVE TO.
I'M THAT BAD.
NOW, SCENARIO
NUMERO UNO LET'S GO!
COME ON!
NOW, LET'S JUST SUPPOSE
YOU'RE RELAXING IN THE CRIB.
ALL RIGHT, YOU IN THE HOT TUB.
YOU'RE IN THERE WITH YOUR
FOXY LADY. THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE SIPPIN' ON SOME
BOONE'S FARM APPLE WINE.
YOU CHILLIN'. YOU LISTENIN'
TO ISAAC HAYES ON THE HI-FI.
AW, SHUCKS! HOT-BUTTERED SOUL.
SAY WHAT? ALL THE
SUDDEN THE FUZZ SHOWS UP!
UH, EXCUSE ME. WHAT
EXACTLY IS THE "FUZZ"?
NOW I'LL BUST YA!
YOU NEED TO DIG YOURSELF MAN!
PIGS, CHARLEY,
THE POLICE! OH, OH!
IT'S ALL RIGHT, QUEEN
BEE. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOT TO UNLEASH A FLURRY
OF MARTIAL ARTS TECHNIQUES.
ASSUME THE POSITION, QUEEN BEE.
YOU GRAB.
OH, DON'T TRY TO BLOCK IT NOW!
T LOOKS LIKE THE SAME STUFF YOU
SHOWED US ABOUT FIVE MINUTES AGO.
HEY, YOU GOT ANY QUESTIONS, RED?
YEAH, HUEY NEWTON! YEAH, I DO!
WHAT DOES SOME "B" MOVIE
HAVE TO DO WITH SELF-DEFENSE?
WE'RE PAYING GOOD MONEY TO LEARN
LEGITIMATE MARTIAL ARTS MOVES HERE.
YEAH, HONKY. HOLD ON. DI
WE DON'T KNOW THAT YET.
SHE MIGHT JUST BE A DeBARGE.
WHAT YOU NEED TO
DO IS NOT GET UPTIGHT!
I AM A FIGHT
CHOREOGRAPHER! ALL RIGHT?
- THAT DALLY THROW DOWN.
- HEY, YOU AISTER. SPRAY.
HEY!
YEAH. MAN, GET OFF ME
AND START THE MUSIC.
♪♪
♪ YAH, YAH ♪
♪ YAH, YAH ♪
♪ SEE WHAT I'M SAYING ♪
BS YOU BY YOUR SHIRT,
YOU'RE LIKE ♪ ♪ YAH ♪
♪ SHOW 'EM YOU AIN'T PLAYIN' ♪
HEY, YOU HUNGRY, MAN? YEAH.
COME ON. LET'S GO GET
SOMETHIN' TO EAT, MAN.
GOOD FOOT!
BRINGING IT HOME THIS WEEK
FOX RECORDING ARTIST SIMPLE E,
DOIN' "PLAY MY FUNK."
ALL RIGHT! ♪♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY
WANNA PLAY MY FUNK ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY
WANNA PLAY MY FUNK ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS MY NAME ♪
MY FUNK ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY WAN ♪
♪ PLAY MY FUNK ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS MY NAME ♪
♪ I WAS WALKIN'
ON THE RAILROAD ♪
♪ I SET MY BOOTY ON THE TRACKS ♪
♪ I SAW THIS KID
♪ SO♪ I SAID LOOK-A HERE, BACK ♪
PARTNER ♪
♪ YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T BE ME ♪
♪ I BE THE ONE IT
AIN'T TWO NOW ♪
♪ AND YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE ♪
♪ NOW MOVE ON I GOT THE FELLAS
JEALOUS 'CAUSE I FLOWS LIKE NONE ♪
WHOLE NINE NEED NOT PACK A GUN ♪
I TAKES THEN I FEEDS
TO THE YOUNG ♪
♪ SPRUNG ON THE
AIR THAT I BREATHE ♪
♪ YOU CAN'T CONCEIVE
HOW I BRAIDS AND I WEAVES ♪
PEAR SOME FEAR FOR THE SMEAR ♪
♪ WE'RE GONNA
HAVE IN ABUNDANCE ♪
♪ I WRITE, SEE, I WRITE, SEE I
WRITE DID YOU KNOW THAT ♪
♪ NOW EVERYBODY
WANNA PLAY MY FUNK ♪
NK ♪
W EVERYBODY WANNA PLAY
MY FUNK NOW EVERYBODY... ♪♪