In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 5, Episode 14 - The Gangasta Group - full transcript
[Announcer] SHE WORE A HABIT
IN SISTER ACT ONE AND TWO.
BUT YOU'VE NEVER
SEEN HER QUITE LIKE THIS!
OY! HOLD ON TO YOUR YARMULKE!
WHEN WHOOPI'S IN CHARGE,
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
♪ HAVAH NAGILAH
THIS FUNKY FEELIN' ♪
♪ HAVAH NAGILAH
AIN'T IT FUNKY NOW ♪
♪ HAVAH NAGILAH
THIS FUNKY FEELIN' ♪
♪ HAVAH NAGILAH
AIN'T IT FUNKY NOW ♪♪
RABBI CLARENCE, UH, WHY HAVE
YOU CHOSEN OUR SYNAGOGUE?
RABBI CL... OH.
OH, YEAH, ME, YEAH.
WELL, YOU SEE, MADE IN AMERICA
CAME OUT ON VIDEOCASSETTE...
AND I WANTED TO JUST, YOU
KNOW, LAY LOW FOR A WHILE.
[Announcer] SHE'S GOING FROM
DREADLOCKS TO BAGELS AND LOX.
♪ DREIDEL, DREIDEL, DREIDEL
I MADE IT OUT OF CLAY, HEY ♪
♪ FUNKY LITTLE DREIDEL
THE DREIDEL I SHALL PLAY ♪
♪ IT HAD A LOVELY BODY WITH
LEGS SO SHORT AND THIN ♪
♪ AND WHEN IT GETS ALL TIRED
IT STOPS, AND THEN I WIN ♪♪
[Announcer] SHE'S GONE FROM
SNOOP DOGG TO SYNAGOGUE.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH ROSH HASHANAH?
YEAH, YEAH, SHAWNA.
SHE LIVED ON 175th STREET.
NO, NO, NO. ROSH HASHANAH. ARE
YOU FAMILIAR WITH OUR BELIEFS?
OH, WELL, RABBI, I KNOW
ALL 11 COMMANDMENTS.
ELEVEN? THERE ARE
ONLY 10. WHAT IS 11?
THOU SHALT NOT DATE A WHITE
ACTOR WHO PUTS ON BLACK FACE.
AH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
WE'LL KEEP THAT. I LIKE IT.
[Announcer] SISTER ACT
3: THIS AIN'T KOSHER.
COMING THIS PASSOVER
TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
- [Laughing]
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
- ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
[Echoing] ♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS
SAFE TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
[Turntable Scratching]
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Laughing]
THIS IS JENNIFER MOSS, COMING TO
YOU LIVE FROM THE GREEN RIDGE FOREST,
THE CENTER OF A BREWING CONTROVERSY
BETWEEN WILDLIFE CONSERVATIONALISTS...
AND LOGGERS WHO WOULD
LIKE TO HAVE THIS AREA LEVELED.
WITH ME NOW IS PARK
RANGER DAN McDERMOTT.
HOW YA DOIN'? FINE, THANK YOU.
UH, RANGER McDERMOTT, THESE
ISSUES ARE HIGHLY VOLATILE.
CAN YOU SORT THEM
OUT FOR OUR VIEWERS?
WELL, JENNIFER, IT PRETTY MUCH COMES
DOWN TO YOUR SPOTTED MARSH GOOSE.
THERE'S FEWER THAN 900 OF THE
GEESE LEFT OUT IN THESE WOODS.
WHEN THESE WOODS ARE GONE,
YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH PLANT A KISS ON
THE FANNY OF THE SPOTTED MARSH GOOSE.
THAT WOULD BE A SHAME
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
BECAUSE THERE'S
NOTHING MORE BEAUTIFUL...
THAN SEEING ONE OF THEM BIG BIRDS JUST
TAKE OFF OUT OF THE MARSH IN THE MORNIN'.
IT WOULD BE ONE THING IF
THEY WERE HUNTING FOR FOOD.
BUT IT'S THIS SENSELESS
KILLING I GOT A PROBLEM WITH.
WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO RELOCATE
THE SPOTTED MARSH GOOSE...
TO ANOTHER AREA, PERHAPS?
WELL, YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE OUT
ONE ELEMENT OUT OF THE ECOSYSTEM.
YOU GOT YOUR FLY, YOUR
MOSQUITO, YOU GOT YOUR ELM BEETLE.
[Tarzan Yell]
[Thud] YOU TAKE THE GOOSE OUT,
YOU'RE UP TO YOUR EYEBALLS IN BUGS.
THAT MAY BE. YET THE LOGGERS CONTEND THAT
THE ECONOMY OF GREEN RIDGE IS DEPENDENT...
UPON THE VERY
CLEARING OF THE FOREST.
SHORT TERM, YOU'RE
TALKING MAYBE 150 NEW JOBS.
THAT'S KIND OF A PAIN,
IF YOU'RE OUT OF WORK.
BUT THE STATE ALSO DEPENDS ON ITS
NATURE RESERVES AND TOURIST DOLLARS.
YOU CUT THESE TREES BACK,
THEY'RE NOT COMING BACK.
THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A VERY
TOUCHY AND SENSITIVE ISSUE.
LOGGERS HAVE BEEN CLASHING WITH
CONSERVATIONALISTS
HERE IN THESE VERY WOODS.
HAVE THERE BEEN ANY
OUTBREAKS OF VIOLENCE LATELY?
I AIN'T GONNA LIE TO YOU...
TEMPERS ARE FLARIN' HIGH.
WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO
KEEP THINGS CIVILIZED, BUT
I CAN'T GUARANTEE IT'S
GONNA STAY LIKE THAT.
SO THE LOGGERS ARE NOT GOING TO
GIVE UP THESE WOODS WITHOUT A FIGHT.
MISS, I'M FROM GREEN RIDGE,
AND I KNOW LUMBERJACKS.
THEY LIKE TO GET LIQUORED UP AND FIGHT.
THEY'RE SCANDINAVIANS AND THEY'RE MEAN.
IS THE DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR
CLOSE TO MAKING A DECISION IN THIS MATTER?
WELL, TELL YA THE TRUTH,
WE'RE NOT HOLDING OUR BREATH.
SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU EXPECT THE FEDERAL
BUREAUCRACY TO TAKE ITS SWEET TIME?
[Chuckles] WELL, DOES A
BEAR DUMP IN THE WOODS?
[Chuckles]
WELL, THANK YOU, RANGER
McDERMOTT, VERY MUCH.
AND THROUGH IT ALL, THE SPOTTED
MARSH GOOSE FLIES PEACEFULLY OVERHEAD,
UNAWARE THAT THEIR FATE IS BEING
DECIDED IN WASHINGTON AS WE SPEAK.
FOR FOX NEWS, THIS IS JENNIFER
MOSS, GREEN RIDGE FOREST.
♪♪ [Hip-hop Theme]
[Announcer] FROM COMPTON,
CA, IT'S THE GANGSTA GROUP,
A DOPE LOOK AT TODAY'S
FRESHEST ISSUES.
NOW HERE'S YOUR
MODERATOR, BUSHWICK BILL.
YO, YO, YO, YO, YO!
MY NAME'S BUSHWICK BILL AND HERE'S
MY LITTLE COHOST PARTNER, CHUCKY.
YEAH! YEAH!
N-N-N-NYAH! NYAH! NYAH!
YO, YO. WELCOME TO THE
GANGSTA GROUP. [Grunts]
IN THE HOUSE!
ALL RIGHT, WITH ME TODAY
IS MY BOY, TUPAC SHAKUR,
BOSS, ICE-T...
AND FROM LONG BEACH,
SNOOP DOGGY DOGG.
ISSUE ONE! VIOLENCE
IN RAP MUSIC!
TOO MUCH? TUPAC?
YOU SEE, THAT'S THE THING. WE'RE
JUST A REFLECTION OF SOCIETY, ALL RIGHT?
CHECK IT OUT. SUPPOSE YOU
ORDER A PIZZA, RIGHT? AND IT'S COLD.
YOU GOT COLD PEPPERONI AND COLD
SAUSAGE. YOU AIN'T GONNA BUST A CAP IN HIM?
- OH, I'M THE ONLY ONE
WHO LIKE HOT PIZZA IN HERE?
- I TELL YA WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.
HOLD HIM DOWN, LET YOUR
BOYS GET A PIECE. [Shrieking] ICE-T?
- GOTTA SHOOT.
- BOSS?
- SHOOT HIM.
- I SAY SHOOT HIM!
ISSUE TWO! THE BRADY BILL!
FIVE-DAY WAITIN' PERIOD
FOR YOUR HANDGUN.
THOSE THOUGHTS?
SNOOP DOGGY DOGG!
NOW, LET'S SAY, YOU KNOW, LIKE, YOU
KNOW, YOU GET OUT THE CAR, YOU KNOW,
SOMEBODY STEP ON
MY AIR JORDANS, RIGHT?
YOU EXPECT ME TO, YOU KNOW,
WAIT, YOU KNOW, DAYS TO KILL THE MAN?
I ASK YOU, YOU KNOW, IS THAT
JUSTICE? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE
HELL YOU'RE SAYIN'. ICE-T?
THAT DON'T REALLY
MATTER TO ME. RIGHT?
I ALREADY GOT PLENTY OF
GUNS. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
- YEAH, ME TOO.
- BOSS.
MAN, IT'LL TAKE YOU FIVE DAYS JUST TO
REACH THE DOORKNOB AT THE GUN STORE.
SHUT UP, BEFORE I PUNCH YOU
IN YOUR KNEECAP. NEXT ISSUE!
HEALTH CARE CRISIS. ICE-T?
NOW, THAT'S AN
IMPORTANT ISSUE. UH-HUH?
'CAUSE, I MEAN, LIKE,
JUST LAST WEEK...
MY HOMEY, HE SHOT TWO PEOPLE,
AND NEITHER ONE OF 'EM
HAD HEALTH INSURANCE.
BUT I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WHAT ARE THEY
SUPPOSED TO DO, JUST FINGER A BROTHER?
IT'S ALMOST TO THE POINT
WHERE YOU'RE AFRAID
TO SHOOT PEOPLE. I
MEAN, NOT ME PERSONALLY.
'CAUSE I WILL SHOOT PEOPLE.
WE KNOW THAT, HOMEBOY!
WALKIN' 'CROSS THE STREET...
POW! POW! TUPAC IN TOWN!
[All Laughing]
NOT UNTIL WE HAVE UNIVERSAL
HEALTH CARE IN THIS COUNTRY...
WILL YOU BE ABLE TO BE FREE TO
SHOOT ANYBODY ANYTIME YOU CHOOSE.
GIRL, YOU KINDA CUTE WHEN
YOU BANG ON YOUR CHEST.
CHUCKY! NEXT ISSUE!
- HILLARY CLINTON... BITCH OR HO? TUPAC!
- BITCH.
- ALL RIGHT. SNOOP?
- HO.
- BOSS?
- HO.
ICE-T!
AW, DAMN, SEE, NOW I'M
GONNA HAVE TO GO WITH BITCH.
YOU ALL WRONG.
IN FACT, HILLARY CLINTON IS
A SKEEZER! RIGHT, CHUCKY?
YEAH! YEAH!
NEXT ISSUE.
IF YOU COULD SHOOT, BOBO... ONE
WHITE PERSON... WHO WOULD IT BE?
- DAMN! JUST ONE?
- [Bill] MM-HMM.
WHITE PEOPLE ARE LIKE POTATO
CHIPS, RIGHT? YOU CAN'T SHOOT JUST ONE.
DOES THE SUPREME COURT
COUNT AS JUST ONE PERSON?
NO, BUT THE OLSEN TWINS DO,
AND THEM LITTLE
HO'S IS MY CHOICE.
NEXT ISSUE. NAFTA! FREE
TRADE WITH MEXICO AND CANADA.
WHAT IMPACT WILL THAT
HAVE? SNOOP DOGGY DOGG!
I DON'T REALLY BE KNOWIN', YOU KNOW,
WHAT BE UP WITH CANADA AND MEXICO, RIGHT?
ALL I KNOW IS, SOME OF THEM
CANADIANS, LIKE, BE MESSIN' WITH ME, RIGHT,
WHEN I BE IN MY CAR, YOU
KNOW, CHILLIN' AND STUFF, RIGHT?
SO I DON'T KNOW, I
JUST DO WHAT I WILL DO.
YOU BEEN PUFFIN' THAT CHRONIC, AIN'T YA?
'CAUSE YOU AIN'T MAKIN' NO SENSE! TUPAC!
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT ABOUT NAFTA.
ALL IT MEANS TO ME IS THAT I CAN SHOOT
COPS IN THREE DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
- BOSS!
- [Sighs]
WELL, I MEAN, HEY! SHOOT
TO KILL! SHOOT TO KILL!
ALL RIGHT, SHUT UP, SHUT UP. ONLY
ONE MINUTE LEFT. PREDICTIONS! TUPAC!
I PREDICT THIS YEAR THE COPS ARE
GONNA INSIST ON HARASSING ME...
EVERY TIME I BUST A LITTLE
CAP IN SOMEBODY'S BUTT.
I GOT A PREDICTION... CHUCKY GONNA
MAKE A NEW MOVIE! YEAH! CHUCKY!
SNOOP DOGGY DOGG!
I'M PREDICTIN' THAT MY ALBUM
WILL SELL 10 MILLION COPIES...
RIGHT, WHEN I LET THIS BAZOOKA GO OFF
IN A CROWD... YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
BOSS, LADY, COME HERE, GIRL!
I PREDICT, TATTOO, IF YOU
TRY TO TOUCH MY THIGH,
I'M GONNA BLOW
OUT YOUR OTHER EYE.
YO, YO, YO! WATCH WHERE
YOU POINT THAT THING!
HEY, HEY, HEY, SHOOT THE
BITCH, AND YOU'RE DEAD!
DON'T BE POINTIN' THAT THING, LITTLE
MAN. UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
DROP IT, SNOOP, OR
YOU'RE SIX FEET DEEP.
THAT'S ALL THE TIME
WE GOT FOR TONIGHT.
LITTLE CHUCKY, WHERE
YOUR GAT AT? YEAH, CHUCKY!
I'LL SEE Y'ALL NEXT WEEK.
INCREASE THE PEACE! POW-POW-POW!
♪♪ [Hip-hop Theme]
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE CLEAR! CAN I
HAVE THE PROPS? THANK YOU.
I WAS PLAYING GOLF YESTERDAY, AND
THERE WAS A GUY WHO LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU.
I THOUGHT IT WAS
YOU! [All Chattering]
EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY. EXCUSE ME,
MR. SNOOPY DOGG. IT'S YOUR STOCKBROKER.
OH, MAN, WHAT'S UP?
I.B.M. DROPPED AGAIN?
YOU KNOW, I TOLD HIM TO KEEP HIS MONEY
IN UTILITIES, AND HE JUST DOESN'T LISTEN!
LISTEN TO THIS HUSSY. SHE'S
GOT SIX CONDOS IN LONG BEACH!
OH, YOU'RE FLYIN'!
WHO'S A GUY GOT TO PIMP-SLAP TO
GET A CAPPUCCINO AROUND THIS PLACE?
I'LL PIMP-SLAP YOU,
ICE CREAM. [Laughing]
SOMEONE TAKE THIS DAMN
DOLL OUT OF MY HAND. PLEASE!
HAT? THIS IMPERIAL CLASS
IS SOMETHING ELSE, AIN'T IT?
YEAH, I JUST WISH I COULD ENJOY IT,
HONEY. IT'S JUST THIS TURBULENCE.
I'M JUST NOT FEELING
TOO WELL RIGHT NOW.
EXCUSE ME. DID I HEAR YOU SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT THE IMPERIAL CLASS?
BECAUSE IT IS NUMBER
ONE. OKAY. THANKS, MAN.
HI. MY NAME IS FRANCES, AND I'M GONNA BE
YOUR FLIGHT ATTENDANT FOR THE EVENING.
IS THAT OKAY? THAT'S FINE.
I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU ABOUT
OUR DINNER SPECIALS.
FIRST, WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
YEAH. DO YOU HAVE ANY JUICE?
WE COULD GO FOR SOME OF THAT.
UH, WE HAVE SOME
LOVELY, LOVELY JUICES.
WE HAVE A FRESHLY CRUSHED
VALENCIA ORANGE JUICE...
[Sighs] SERVED IN A TALL GLASS.
IT'S FROSTED AROUND
THE TIP. THAT'S GOOD.
A SLICE OF TANGERINE, PUT THAT
ON THE SIDE OF THAT SUCKER...
SWEET AND TANGY TASTE.
THAT SOUNDS GREAT. GRAB
ME SOME OF THAT. YOU GOT IT.
HEY, EXCUSE ME, BIG MAN.
EXCUSE ME, BROTHER.
KINDA RAINY IN HERE.
SMELLS LIKE THE JOHN? YEAH.
UM, I GOTTA TELL YOU ABOUT
THE APPLE JUICE. NO, YOU DON'T.
UH, YES, I DO, RED. HEY, MAN...
HEY, WATCH YOUR MOUTH, BRO.
WE TOOK 50 DIFFERENT APPLES
FROM 50 DIFFERENT STATES...
AND CAME UP WITH A COMBINATION OF
APPLE JUICE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.
CAN I GET JUST PLAIN
ORANGE JUICE, MAN? SURE, MAN.
EXCUSE ME. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TELL
YOU ABOUT OUR DINNER SPECIALS, SIR.
AND PLEASE DON'T RAZZLE ME.
LOOK, JIMMIE
WALKER, I'VE HAD IT.
- IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,
YOUR HUSBAND'S NOT DENZEL!
- YES, I KNOW.
I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE
DINNER SPECIAL FOR THIS EVENING.
ITS A WONDERFUL BLEND OF
CAJUN CHICKEN AND CRAB MEAT.
IT COMES IN SMALL CUPS.
WHAT WE DO IS COVER IT SORT OF
LIKE A QUICHE, BUT WE DON'T USE EGGS.
WE USE A CRÈME.
A "CHRÈME"?
WELL, LOOK, MAN,
FORGET THE CRÈME.
MY WIFE IS SICK. JUST BRING US SOME
SELTZER WATER. THAT'S ALL WE NEED FROM YOU.
I CAN DO THAT. JUST CRÈME YOUR
A... OVER THERE AND GET ME SOME.
BY THE WAY, NICE WIG. YOU
FORGET THE CHIN STRAP?
HA, HA, HA.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
BEFORE WE TOUCH GROUND, YOU GUYS WOULD
LOVE TO KNOW WHAT WE'RE HAVING FOR DINNER.
I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS
REALLY, REALLY NICE RICE WE HAVE.
IT'S FROM LOUISIANA,
IMPORTED FROM VIETNAM.
IT'S A BROWN RICE. IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S LIKE UNCLE BEN'S UPTOWN COUSIN.
FINE. LOOK, JHERI CURL, ALL WE NEED
IS FOR YOU TO GET MY WIFE SOMETHING.
JUST BRING AN AIR BAG
FOR SOME SICKNESS.
- ARE YOU SICK?
- YES. THANK YOU.
JUST GIVE ME ONE OF
THESE. EXCUSE ME, RED!
MAN, YOU NEED TO... WE
HAVE THE UNSCENTED ONE.
THEN WE HAVE THE WONDERFULLY
CINNAMON-SCENTED ONE. OH! UH-HUH!
- OR WE HAVE A TRANSPARENT...
- [Vomits]
HEY, BUDDY, THIS IS... HEY!
[Screaming, Retching]
[Screaming Continues]
[Screams]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BACK
UP. I THINK SHE SAW ALIENS.
I GUESS YOU DON'T COOK.
I JUST GOT THIS SUIT OUT OF THE
CLEANERS, AND YOU DONE MESSED IT UP.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUST YOU UP. IF I WERE
YOU I WOULDN'T COME FROM THAT DIRECTION.
'CAUSE WHAT I CAN DO HERE IS
BREAK THE ELBOW FROM THIS POINT.
TAKE IT DOWN, TAKE HIS SHOULDERS
FROM THE CENTER, BRING THEM AROUND,
TAKE HIS TRAY TO AN UPRIGHT
POSITION AND SLAM IT IN THERE.
ARE YOU HAPPY
NOW, RED BONE? HUH?
NOW, I HAVE SOME
CHOICES FROM THIS POINT.
I CAN TAKE MY KNUCKLES AND PUT
THEM TO THE SIDE OF HIS TEMPLE,
OR I CAN TAKE OUR
UNKIND GUEST TO AN EXIT.
I HAVE CHOICES HERE, HERE, OR TO
THE FRONT. YOU KNOW WHAT I CHOOSE?
WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE,
MAN? THE FRONT!
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO IS
TAKE THE DOOR FROM HERE,
UNLATCH IT AND KICK
THIS SUCKER OPEN.
NOW, AS YOU CAN SEE,
I OPEN THE DOOR AND WE'RE
CRUISING AT AN ALTITUDE OF 40,000 FEET.
I CAN THROW HIS ASS OUT OF THIS PLANE
LIKE THE WHITE MAN IN PASSENGER 57,
OR I CAN CLOSE THE DOOR AND
FINISH THE DAMN DINNER SPECIALS.
I'LL LISTEN, MAN! I'LL LISTEN!
COME HERE, BABY!
HONEY, OVER HERE!
HOW DO I LOOK?
NOW, WE HAVE A POP-TART
SALAD WHICH IS DELICIOUS.
♪ YO, YO, YO LET ME KNOW
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, MAMA ♪
♪ I DON'T GOTTA BE YOUR MAN
YOU DON'T GOTTA BE MY GIRL ♪
♪ WHAT UP I JUST, I JUST
WANNA TALK WIT' YOU ♪
♪ LET YOU KNOW ABOUT ME
YOU LET ME KNOW ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LET ME KNOW WHAT'S
ON YOUR MIND, MA ♪
♪ I DON'T GOTTA BE YOUR MAN
YOU DON'T GOTTA BE MY GIRL ♪
♪ WHAT UP I JUST ♪
♪ I JUST WANNA TALK WIT' YOU ♪
♪ LET YOU KNOW ABOUT ME
YOU LET ME KNOW ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ AIN'T NOTHIN' BETTER
THAN A ONE-NIGHT STAND ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU RUSH INTO
RELATIONSHIPS THIS MIGHT NOT LAST ♪
♪ SO I GO OUT EVERY NIGHT
LOOKIN' FOR MISS RIGHT ♪
♪ BUT I KEEP RUNNING INTO
MISS MONEY AND MISS A'IGHT ♪
♪ LOOKIN' FOR LOVE THESE
DAYS IS A WASTE OF TIME ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I DON'T TALK
ABOUT IT IN MY RHYMES ♪
♪ BUT I TALK ABOUT THE
WOMEN I SLEPT WITH ♪
♪ WOMEN I MESSED WITH AND
WOMEN THAT I ALMOST GOT PREGNANT ♪
♪ THAT'S FOR
THINKIN' IT WAS LOVE ♪
♪ BUT IT WAS THE LUST A
YOUNG KID CHASIN' THE HUMP ♪
♪ BUT TIMES HAS CHANGED NOW
WHATEVER HAPPENED, HAPPENED ♪
♪ GUESS WHAT THEY HITTIN'
BARS UP IN MANHATTAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE EVEN CLUBS THESE
DAYS ARE GETTIN' BORIN' ♪
♪ I WANT A PLACE TO
RELAX AND STAY FOCUSED ♪
♪ GRAB A DRINK HAVE A
CHAT WITH A COLLEGE GIRL ♪
♪ AND LET HER KNOW WE
COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD ♪♪
[Growling]
[Whistle Tweeting]
ALL RIGHT. REAL GOOD. REAL NICE.
LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA MAKE A REAL
FINE POLICE DOG. GOOD BOY, LUCKY.
ALL RIGHT, MR. SULLIVAN, WE'LL BE IN
TOUCH. YOU CAN JUST STEP RIGHT OUT.
ALL RIGHT. BRING IN THE NEXT
APPLICANT, MR. CORN BREAD TURNER.
UH, EXCUSE ME, MR. TURNER. ANIMAL
HOMICIDES ARE HANDLED BY THE A.S.P.C.A.
AW, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. WE'RE
ALREADY DOWN WITH O.P.P.
WELL, I'LL BE JOHN BROWN!
YOU GOOBER'S BOY, AIN'T YA?
- NO, SIR.
- I REMEMBER WHEN
THAT TRAIN RAN INTO YA.
CUT YA CLEAN IN HALF. SPLIT
YA WIDE OPEN LIKE A HOT LINK.
- HOT LINK?
- DRUG YA ALL THE WAY
DOWN TO CHATTANOOGA.
BUT YOU MADE GOOD
TIME, THOUGH. I OFTEN
WONDERED HOW THEY PUT
THE LEGS BACK ON YOUR ASS.
SIR, I'M AFRAID YOUR DOG IS NOT
EXACTLY THE ANIMAL WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
BUT THANKS FOR COMING. WE APPRECIATE YOUR
SUPPORT. GET A DOUGHNUT ON YOUR WAY OUT.
YOU JUST TRYIN' TO KEEP DUKE
DOWN 'CAUSE HE'S A BLACK DOG!
BLACK DOG AIN'T NEVER
ALLOWED TO HAVE NOTHIN'!
YOU COPS ARE GONNA DO 'IM LIKE
YOU DID THAT RODNEY KING FELLA.
ANYBODY GOT A VIDEO
CAMERA UP IN HERE?
ALL RIGHT. HOLD ON. LET'S
GIVE THE DOG A TRYOUT.
HEAR THAT, DUKE? YOU
GONNA GET YOUR CHANCE.
ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S
THE DOG'S NAME?
WELL, HIS REAL NAME IS
JEREMY JOLLY RANCHER
REMINGTON STEELE
LOUIE CADBURY THE THIRD...
TO THE FOURTH POWER.
BUT HE'LL...
BUT HE'LL JUST LAY THERE LIKE A WORM
ON A PANCAKE LESS'N YOU CALL HIM "DUKE."
WHOA! HEY, BOY!
DUKE, NOW... HEY!
PLEASE! ENOUGH!
WELL, I'LL BE JOHN BROWN!
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
- YOU DOC PEPPER'S BOY,
AIN'T YA?
- NO, I'M NOT.
ALWAYS KNEW YOU WAS GON' BE A
POLICE OFFICER, 'CAUSE YOU LIKED GUNS.
I REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU HAD THAT
.38... BLEW THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD OFF.
YOU LOOKED LIKE A NEGRO PIÑATA.
I TELL YA, JOLLY RANCHERS
WAS COMING OUT YOUR HEAD,
CRUMB CAKE ON DOWN YOUR BACK.
BUT THEY PUT YOUR HEAD
TOGETHER BACK WELL.
MR. TURNER! WE GOT
TWO SUITCASES HERE.
ONE OF THEM HAS TWO
POUNDS OF MARIJUANA IN IT.
IT'S DUKE'S JOB TO FIND OUT WHICH
ONE HAS IT IN THERE. CAN HE DO THAT?
COME ON, DUKE. SNIFF OUT THE
DEVIL'S WEED. YOU GOT A KEEN NOSE.
♪ SNIFF OUT THE WEED
SNIFFIN' OUT THE WEED ♪
WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME,
BUT AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE...
I'LL BE DOG... HERE'S
THE CHRONIC RIGHT HERE!
WHAT THE HELL? STRAIGHT CHRONIC.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
OFFICER PRATT,
ISN'T THAT YOUR BAG?
BUMMER. THE DEAD
DOG NARCED ME OUT.
DRUG DEALER! DRUG-DEALIN' THIEF!
THAT'S REEFER! THIS KIND OF
THING MAKES ME WANT TO RETCH.
MR. TURNER...
MR. TURNER, YOU HAVEN'T SMOKED
ANY OF THAT STUFF, HAVE YA?
NO, SIR. I HAVEN'T. ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GRANT YOU ONE THING.
YOUR DOG DID FIND THE MARIJUANA.
BUT POLICE WORK FOR A DOG IS VERY
DANGEROUS. YOU DOG MIGHT BE KILLED...
WELL, HE COULD BE
SERIOUSLY HURT...
WELL, BAD THINGS
MIGHT HAPPEN TO HIM.
YOU AIN'T GOT TO WORRY ABOUT DUKE,
'CAUSE DUKE AIN'T AFRAID OF NOTHIN'.
BOO!
YES, HE SEEMS VERY CALM.
BUT A POLICE DOG HAS TO BE VICIOUS. HE
HAS TO BE ABLE TO ATTACK ON COMMAND.
HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO DISABLE
A SUSPECT IMMEDIATELY.
THAT'S THE KIND OF
DOG WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
THAT AIN'T NO PROBLEM! GO AHEAD!
SIC 'IM, DUKE! NOW, LOOK OUT, DUKE!
GET 'IM, DUKE! MR. TURNER!
MR. TURNER! MR. TURNER!
[Imitates Barking]
MR. TURNER.
THAT'S PATHETIC. WOULD
YOU STOP, PLEASE?
A DOG HAS TO BE ABLE
TO DISABLE A SUSPECT
IMMEDIATELY. DUKE COULDN'T
DISABLE HIS OWN BOWELS.
DISABLE? IS THAT ALL
YOU WANT HIM TO DO?
COME ON, DUKE. SHOW HIM SOME OF THEM HONG
KONG PHOOEY MOVES! LOOK OUT! GET 'IM, DUKE!
THERE YOU GO! GET ON
HIM, DUKE! SUBDUE 'IM, BABY!
GET IT OFF ME! THERE YOU GO!
WELL, I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
YOU CARL'S JR.'S
BOY, AIN'T YA? NO!
I LIKE WHAT YOU DID WITH
THAT CHICKEN SANDWICH.
I'LL NEVER FORGET, THE DAY YOU WAS BORN...
YOU WAS STILLBORN WHEN YOU WAS BORN.
I SAID GET THAT THING OFF ME!
WHAT YOU TRYIN' TO DO TO DUKE?
OH! OH! OH! [Gunshots]
LOOK WHAT YOU DONE
DONE! YOU DONE KILLED DUKE!
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT, DUKE!
DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT, BABY.
DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!
DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!
DON'T GO INTO THE
LIGHT! COME BACK TO ME!
MR. TURNER, UH, I'D
LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.
WE'RE REAL SORRY ABOUT YOUR DOG.
SOMEBODY WANNA GET A
SHOVEL AND SCRAPE THIS THING UP?
WAIT A MINUTE. LOOKEE
THERE. HIS TAIL IS WAGGIN'.
MR. TURNER, YOU'RE DOING THAT WITH
YOUR HAND. HE'S COMING BACK TO ME.
DUKE, I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA COME BACK
TO ME. YOU SHOULDN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS.
SIR, I SAW YOU MOVE THE TAIL.
WE'RE GONNA GO
TO SMITH & WESSON...
I MEAN SMITH AND BARNEY...
THE INSURANCE COMPANY.
WE'RE GON' GET YOU SOME MONEY
FOR YOUR PAIN AND YOUR SUFFERING.
COME ON, DUKE. ♪♪ [Singing]
HEY! THANKS FOR JOINING IN LIVING COLOR
THIS WEEK. WE HAD A GOOD, GOOD TIME.
KIDS, EDUCATION FIRST. PARENTS,
GET INTO THEIR EDUCATION TOO. PEACE!
♪♪ [Theme]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Ends]
IN SISTER ACT ONE AND TWO.
BUT YOU'VE NEVER
SEEN HER QUITE LIKE THIS!
OY! HOLD ON TO YOUR YARMULKE!
WHEN WHOOPI'S IN CHARGE,
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
♪ HAVAH NAGILAH
THIS FUNKY FEELIN' ♪
♪ HAVAH NAGILAH
AIN'T IT FUNKY NOW ♪
♪ HAVAH NAGILAH
THIS FUNKY FEELIN' ♪
♪ HAVAH NAGILAH
AIN'T IT FUNKY NOW ♪♪
RABBI CLARENCE, UH, WHY HAVE
YOU CHOSEN OUR SYNAGOGUE?
RABBI CL... OH.
OH, YEAH, ME, YEAH.
WELL, YOU SEE, MADE IN AMERICA
CAME OUT ON VIDEOCASSETTE...
AND I WANTED TO JUST, YOU
KNOW, LAY LOW FOR A WHILE.
[Announcer] SHE'S GOING FROM
DREADLOCKS TO BAGELS AND LOX.
♪ DREIDEL, DREIDEL, DREIDEL
I MADE IT OUT OF CLAY, HEY ♪
♪ FUNKY LITTLE DREIDEL
THE DREIDEL I SHALL PLAY ♪
♪ IT HAD A LOVELY BODY WITH
LEGS SO SHORT AND THIN ♪
♪ AND WHEN IT GETS ALL TIRED
IT STOPS, AND THEN I WIN ♪♪
[Announcer] SHE'S GONE FROM
SNOOP DOGG TO SYNAGOGUE.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH ROSH HASHANAH?
YEAH, YEAH, SHAWNA.
SHE LIVED ON 175th STREET.
NO, NO, NO. ROSH HASHANAH. ARE
YOU FAMILIAR WITH OUR BELIEFS?
OH, WELL, RABBI, I KNOW
ALL 11 COMMANDMENTS.
ELEVEN? THERE ARE
ONLY 10. WHAT IS 11?
THOU SHALT NOT DATE A WHITE
ACTOR WHO PUTS ON BLACK FACE.
AH, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
WE'LL KEEP THAT. I LIKE IT.
[Announcer] SISTER ACT
3: THIS AIN'T KOSHER.
COMING THIS PASSOVER
TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
- [Laughing]
- ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
- ♪ TAKE IT FROM ME
IT'S A'IGHT TO BE ♪
- HI-YAH!
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YA... HOW
WOULD YA... HOW WOULD YA F... ♪
♪ HOW WOULD YOU FEEL KNOWING
PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
[Echoing] ♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS
SAFE TO WALK DOWN THE STREET ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WAN...
WAN... WAN... ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
[Turntable Scratching]
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Laughing]
THIS IS JENNIFER MOSS, COMING TO
YOU LIVE FROM THE GREEN RIDGE FOREST,
THE CENTER OF A BREWING CONTROVERSY
BETWEEN WILDLIFE CONSERVATIONALISTS...
AND LOGGERS WHO WOULD
LIKE TO HAVE THIS AREA LEVELED.
WITH ME NOW IS PARK
RANGER DAN McDERMOTT.
HOW YA DOIN'? FINE, THANK YOU.
UH, RANGER McDERMOTT, THESE
ISSUES ARE HIGHLY VOLATILE.
CAN YOU SORT THEM
OUT FOR OUR VIEWERS?
WELL, JENNIFER, IT PRETTY MUCH COMES
DOWN TO YOUR SPOTTED MARSH GOOSE.
THERE'S FEWER THAN 900 OF THE
GEESE LEFT OUT IN THESE WOODS.
WHEN THESE WOODS ARE GONE,
YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH PLANT A KISS ON
THE FANNY OF THE SPOTTED MARSH GOOSE.
THAT WOULD BE A SHAME
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
BECAUSE THERE'S
NOTHING MORE BEAUTIFUL...
THAN SEEING ONE OF THEM BIG BIRDS JUST
TAKE OFF OUT OF THE MARSH IN THE MORNIN'.
IT WOULD BE ONE THING IF
THEY WERE HUNTING FOR FOOD.
BUT IT'S THIS SENSELESS
KILLING I GOT A PROBLEM WITH.
WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO RELOCATE
THE SPOTTED MARSH GOOSE...
TO ANOTHER AREA, PERHAPS?
WELL, YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE OUT
ONE ELEMENT OUT OF THE ECOSYSTEM.
YOU GOT YOUR FLY, YOUR
MOSQUITO, YOU GOT YOUR ELM BEETLE.
[Tarzan Yell]
[Thud] YOU TAKE THE GOOSE OUT,
YOU'RE UP TO YOUR EYEBALLS IN BUGS.
THAT MAY BE. YET THE LOGGERS CONTEND THAT
THE ECONOMY OF GREEN RIDGE IS DEPENDENT...
UPON THE VERY
CLEARING OF THE FOREST.
SHORT TERM, YOU'RE
TALKING MAYBE 150 NEW JOBS.
THAT'S KIND OF A PAIN,
IF YOU'RE OUT OF WORK.
BUT THE STATE ALSO DEPENDS ON ITS
NATURE RESERVES AND TOURIST DOLLARS.
YOU CUT THESE TREES BACK,
THEY'RE NOT COMING BACK.
THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A VERY
TOUCHY AND SENSITIVE ISSUE.
LOGGERS HAVE BEEN CLASHING WITH
CONSERVATIONALISTS
HERE IN THESE VERY WOODS.
HAVE THERE BEEN ANY
OUTBREAKS OF VIOLENCE LATELY?
I AIN'T GONNA LIE TO YOU...
TEMPERS ARE FLARIN' HIGH.
WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO
KEEP THINGS CIVILIZED, BUT
I CAN'T GUARANTEE IT'S
GONNA STAY LIKE THAT.
SO THE LOGGERS ARE NOT GOING TO
GIVE UP THESE WOODS WITHOUT A FIGHT.
MISS, I'M FROM GREEN RIDGE,
AND I KNOW LUMBERJACKS.
THEY LIKE TO GET LIQUORED UP AND FIGHT.
THEY'RE SCANDINAVIANS AND THEY'RE MEAN.
IS THE DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR
CLOSE TO MAKING A DECISION IN THIS MATTER?
WELL, TELL YA THE TRUTH,
WE'RE NOT HOLDING OUR BREATH.
SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU EXPECT THE FEDERAL
BUREAUCRACY TO TAKE ITS SWEET TIME?
[Chuckles] WELL, DOES A
BEAR DUMP IN THE WOODS?
[Chuckles]
WELL, THANK YOU, RANGER
McDERMOTT, VERY MUCH.
AND THROUGH IT ALL, THE SPOTTED
MARSH GOOSE FLIES PEACEFULLY OVERHEAD,
UNAWARE THAT THEIR FATE IS BEING
DECIDED IN WASHINGTON AS WE SPEAK.
FOR FOX NEWS, THIS IS JENNIFER
MOSS, GREEN RIDGE FOREST.
♪♪ [Hip-hop Theme]
[Announcer] FROM COMPTON,
CA, IT'S THE GANGSTA GROUP,
A DOPE LOOK AT TODAY'S
FRESHEST ISSUES.
NOW HERE'S YOUR
MODERATOR, BUSHWICK BILL.
YO, YO, YO, YO, YO!
MY NAME'S BUSHWICK BILL AND HERE'S
MY LITTLE COHOST PARTNER, CHUCKY.
YEAH! YEAH!
N-N-N-NYAH! NYAH! NYAH!
YO, YO. WELCOME TO THE
GANGSTA GROUP. [Grunts]
IN THE HOUSE!
ALL RIGHT, WITH ME TODAY
IS MY BOY, TUPAC SHAKUR,
BOSS, ICE-T...
AND FROM LONG BEACH,
SNOOP DOGGY DOGG.
ISSUE ONE! VIOLENCE
IN RAP MUSIC!
TOO MUCH? TUPAC?
YOU SEE, THAT'S THE THING. WE'RE
JUST A REFLECTION OF SOCIETY, ALL RIGHT?
CHECK IT OUT. SUPPOSE YOU
ORDER A PIZZA, RIGHT? AND IT'S COLD.
YOU GOT COLD PEPPERONI AND COLD
SAUSAGE. YOU AIN'T GONNA BUST A CAP IN HIM?
- OH, I'M THE ONLY ONE
WHO LIKE HOT PIZZA IN HERE?
- I TELL YA WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.
HOLD HIM DOWN, LET YOUR
BOYS GET A PIECE. [Shrieking] ICE-T?
- GOTTA SHOOT.
- BOSS?
- SHOOT HIM.
- I SAY SHOOT HIM!
ISSUE TWO! THE BRADY BILL!
FIVE-DAY WAITIN' PERIOD
FOR YOUR HANDGUN.
THOSE THOUGHTS?
SNOOP DOGGY DOGG!
NOW, LET'S SAY, YOU KNOW, LIKE, YOU
KNOW, YOU GET OUT THE CAR, YOU KNOW,
SOMEBODY STEP ON
MY AIR JORDANS, RIGHT?
YOU EXPECT ME TO, YOU KNOW,
WAIT, YOU KNOW, DAYS TO KILL THE MAN?
I ASK YOU, YOU KNOW, IS THAT
JUSTICE? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE
HELL YOU'RE SAYIN'. ICE-T?
THAT DON'T REALLY
MATTER TO ME. RIGHT?
I ALREADY GOT PLENTY OF
GUNS. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
- YEAH, ME TOO.
- BOSS.
MAN, IT'LL TAKE YOU FIVE DAYS JUST TO
REACH THE DOORKNOB AT THE GUN STORE.
SHUT UP, BEFORE I PUNCH YOU
IN YOUR KNEECAP. NEXT ISSUE!
HEALTH CARE CRISIS. ICE-T?
NOW, THAT'S AN
IMPORTANT ISSUE. UH-HUH?
'CAUSE, I MEAN, LIKE,
JUST LAST WEEK...
MY HOMEY, HE SHOT TWO PEOPLE,
AND NEITHER ONE OF 'EM
HAD HEALTH INSURANCE.
BUT I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WHAT ARE THEY
SUPPOSED TO DO, JUST FINGER A BROTHER?
IT'S ALMOST TO THE POINT
WHERE YOU'RE AFRAID
TO SHOOT PEOPLE. I
MEAN, NOT ME PERSONALLY.
'CAUSE I WILL SHOOT PEOPLE.
WE KNOW THAT, HOMEBOY!
WALKIN' 'CROSS THE STREET...
POW! POW! TUPAC IN TOWN!
[All Laughing]
NOT UNTIL WE HAVE UNIVERSAL
HEALTH CARE IN THIS COUNTRY...
WILL YOU BE ABLE TO BE FREE TO
SHOOT ANYBODY ANYTIME YOU CHOOSE.
GIRL, YOU KINDA CUTE WHEN
YOU BANG ON YOUR CHEST.
CHUCKY! NEXT ISSUE!
- HILLARY CLINTON... BITCH OR HO? TUPAC!
- BITCH.
- ALL RIGHT. SNOOP?
- HO.
- BOSS?
- HO.
ICE-T!
AW, DAMN, SEE, NOW I'M
GONNA HAVE TO GO WITH BITCH.
YOU ALL WRONG.
IN FACT, HILLARY CLINTON IS
A SKEEZER! RIGHT, CHUCKY?
YEAH! YEAH!
NEXT ISSUE.
IF YOU COULD SHOOT, BOBO... ONE
WHITE PERSON... WHO WOULD IT BE?
- DAMN! JUST ONE?
- [Bill] MM-HMM.
WHITE PEOPLE ARE LIKE POTATO
CHIPS, RIGHT? YOU CAN'T SHOOT JUST ONE.
DOES THE SUPREME COURT
COUNT AS JUST ONE PERSON?
NO, BUT THE OLSEN TWINS DO,
AND THEM LITTLE
HO'S IS MY CHOICE.
NEXT ISSUE. NAFTA! FREE
TRADE WITH MEXICO AND CANADA.
WHAT IMPACT WILL THAT
HAVE? SNOOP DOGGY DOGG!
I DON'T REALLY BE KNOWIN', YOU KNOW,
WHAT BE UP WITH CANADA AND MEXICO, RIGHT?
ALL I KNOW IS, SOME OF THEM
CANADIANS, LIKE, BE MESSIN' WITH ME, RIGHT,
WHEN I BE IN MY CAR, YOU
KNOW, CHILLIN' AND STUFF, RIGHT?
SO I DON'T KNOW, I
JUST DO WHAT I WILL DO.
YOU BEEN PUFFIN' THAT CHRONIC, AIN'T YA?
'CAUSE YOU AIN'T MAKIN' NO SENSE! TUPAC!
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT ABOUT NAFTA.
ALL IT MEANS TO ME IS THAT I CAN SHOOT
COPS IN THREE DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
- BOSS!
- [Sighs]
WELL, I MEAN, HEY! SHOOT
TO KILL! SHOOT TO KILL!
ALL RIGHT, SHUT UP, SHUT UP. ONLY
ONE MINUTE LEFT. PREDICTIONS! TUPAC!
I PREDICT THIS YEAR THE COPS ARE
GONNA INSIST ON HARASSING ME...
EVERY TIME I BUST A LITTLE
CAP IN SOMEBODY'S BUTT.
I GOT A PREDICTION... CHUCKY GONNA
MAKE A NEW MOVIE! YEAH! CHUCKY!
SNOOP DOGGY DOGG!
I'M PREDICTIN' THAT MY ALBUM
WILL SELL 10 MILLION COPIES...
RIGHT, WHEN I LET THIS BAZOOKA GO OFF
IN A CROWD... YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
BOSS, LADY, COME HERE, GIRL!
I PREDICT, TATTOO, IF YOU
TRY TO TOUCH MY THIGH,
I'M GONNA BLOW
OUT YOUR OTHER EYE.
YO, YO, YO! WATCH WHERE
YOU POINT THAT THING!
HEY, HEY, HEY, SHOOT THE
BITCH, AND YOU'RE DEAD!
DON'T BE POINTIN' THAT THING, LITTLE
MAN. UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
DROP IT, SNOOP, OR
YOU'RE SIX FEET DEEP.
THAT'S ALL THE TIME
WE GOT FOR TONIGHT.
LITTLE CHUCKY, WHERE
YOUR GAT AT? YEAH, CHUCKY!
I'LL SEE Y'ALL NEXT WEEK.
INCREASE THE PEACE! POW-POW-POW!
♪♪ [Hip-hop Theme]
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE CLEAR! CAN I
HAVE THE PROPS? THANK YOU.
I WAS PLAYING GOLF YESTERDAY, AND
THERE WAS A GUY WHO LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU.
I THOUGHT IT WAS
YOU! [All Chattering]
EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY. EXCUSE ME,
MR. SNOOPY DOGG. IT'S YOUR STOCKBROKER.
OH, MAN, WHAT'S UP?
I.B.M. DROPPED AGAIN?
YOU KNOW, I TOLD HIM TO KEEP HIS MONEY
IN UTILITIES, AND HE JUST DOESN'T LISTEN!
LISTEN TO THIS HUSSY. SHE'S
GOT SIX CONDOS IN LONG BEACH!
OH, YOU'RE FLYIN'!
WHO'S A GUY GOT TO PIMP-SLAP TO
GET A CAPPUCCINO AROUND THIS PLACE?
I'LL PIMP-SLAP YOU,
ICE CREAM. [Laughing]
SOMEONE TAKE THIS DAMN
DOLL OUT OF MY HAND. PLEASE!
HAT? THIS IMPERIAL CLASS
IS SOMETHING ELSE, AIN'T IT?
YEAH, I JUST WISH I COULD ENJOY IT,
HONEY. IT'S JUST THIS TURBULENCE.
I'M JUST NOT FEELING
TOO WELL RIGHT NOW.
EXCUSE ME. DID I HEAR YOU SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT THE IMPERIAL CLASS?
BECAUSE IT IS NUMBER
ONE. OKAY. THANKS, MAN.
HI. MY NAME IS FRANCES, AND I'M GONNA BE
YOUR FLIGHT ATTENDANT FOR THE EVENING.
IS THAT OKAY? THAT'S FINE.
I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU ABOUT
OUR DINNER SPECIALS.
FIRST, WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
YEAH. DO YOU HAVE ANY JUICE?
WE COULD GO FOR SOME OF THAT.
UH, WE HAVE SOME
LOVELY, LOVELY JUICES.
WE HAVE A FRESHLY CRUSHED
VALENCIA ORANGE JUICE...
[Sighs] SERVED IN A TALL GLASS.
IT'S FROSTED AROUND
THE TIP. THAT'S GOOD.
A SLICE OF TANGERINE, PUT THAT
ON THE SIDE OF THAT SUCKER...
SWEET AND TANGY TASTE.
THAT SOUNDS GREAT. GRAB
ME SOME OF THAT. YOU GOT IT.
HEY, EXCUSE ME, BIG MAN.
EXCUSE ME, BROTHER.
KINDA RAINY IN HERE.
SMELLS LIKE THE JOHN? YEAH.
UM, I GOTTA TELL YOU ABOUT
THE APPLE JUICE. NO, YOU DON'T.
UH, YES, I DO, RED. HEY, MAN...
HEY, WATCH YOUR MOUTH, BRO.
WE TOOK 50 DIFFERENT APPLES
FROM 50 DIFFERENT STATES...
AND CAME UP WITH A COMBINATION OF
APPLE JUICE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.
CAN I GET JUST PLAIN
ORANGE JUICE, MAN? SURE, MAN.
EXCUSE ME. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TELL
YOU ABOUT OUR DINNER SPECIALS, SIR.
AND PLEASE DON'T RAZZLE ME.
LOOK, JIMMIE
WALKER, I'VE HAD IT.
- IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,
YOUR HUSBAND'S NOT DENZEL!
- YES, I KNOW.
I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE
DINNER SPECIAL FOR THIS EVENING.
ITS A WONDERFUL BLEND OF
CAJUN CHICKEN AND CRAB MEAT.
IT COMES IN SMALL CUPS.
WHAT WE DO IS COVER IT SORT OF
LIKE A QUICHE, BUT WE DON'T USE EGGS.
WE USE A CRÈME.
A "CHRÈME"?
WELL, LOOK, MAN,
FORGET THE CRÈME.
MY WIFE IS SICK. JUST BRING US SOME
SELTZER WATER. THAT'S ALL WE NEED FROM YOU.
I CAN DO THAT. JUST CRÈME YOUR
A... OVER THERE AND GET ME SOME.
BY THE WAY, NICE WIG. YOU
FORGET THE CHIN STRAP?
HA, HA, HA.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
BEFORE WE TOUCH GROUND, YOU GUYS WOULD
LOVE TO KNOW WHAT WE'RE HAVING FOR DINNER.
I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS
REALLY, REALLY NICE RICE WE HAVE.
IT'S FROM LOUISIANA,
IMPORTED FROM VIETNAM.
IT'S A BROWN RICE. IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S LIKE UNCLE BEN'S UPTOWN COUSIN.
FINE. LOOK, JHERI CURL, ALL WE NEED
IS FOR YOU TO GET MY WIFE SOMETHING.
JUST BRING AN AIR BAG
FOR SOME SICKNESS.
- ARE YOU SICK?
- YES. THANK YOU.
JUST GIVE ME ONE OF
THESE. EXCUSE ME, RED!
MAN, YOU NEED TO... WE
HAVE THE UNSCENTED ONE.
THEN WE HAVE THE WONDERFULLY
CINNAMON-SCENTED ONE. OH! UH-HUH!
- OR WE HAVE A TRANSPARENT...
- [Vomits]
HEY, BUDDY, THIS IS... HEY!
[Screaming, Retching]
[Screaming Continues]
[Screams]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BACK
UP. I THINK SHE SAW ALIENS.
I GUESS YOU DON'T COOK.
I JUST GOT THIS SUIT OUT OF THE
CLEANERS, AND YOU DONE MESSED IT UP.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO BUST YOU UP. IF I WERE
YOU I WOULDN'T COME FROM THAT DIRECTION.
'CAUSE WHAT I CAN DO HERE IS
BREAK THE ELBOW FROM THIS POINT.
TAKE IT DOWN, TAKE HIS SHOULDERS
FROM THE CENTER, BRING THEM AROUND,
TAKE HIS TRAY TO AN UPRIGHT
POSITION AND SLAM IT IN THERE.
ARE YOU HAPPY
NOW, RED BONE? HUH?
NOW, I HAVE SOME
CHOICES FROM THIS POINT.
I CAN TAKE MY KNUCKLES AND PUT
THEM TO THE SIDE OF HIS TEMPLE,
OR I CAN TAKE OUR
UNKIND GUEST TO AN EXIT.
I HAVE CHOICES HERE, HERE, OR TO
THE FRONT. YOU KNOW WHAT I CHOOSE?
WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE,
MAN? THE FRONT!
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO IS
TAKE THE DOOR FROM HERE,
UNLATCH IT AND KICK
THIS SUCKER OPEN.
NOW, AS YOU CAN SEE,
I OPEN THE DOOR AND WE'RE
CRUISING AT AN ALTITUDE OF 40,000 FEET.
I CAN THROW HIS ASS OUT OF THIS PLANE
LIKE THE WHITE MAN IN PASSENGER 57,
OR I CAN CLOSE THE DOOR AND
FINISH THE DAMN DINNER SPECIALS.
I'LL LISTEN, MAN! I'LL LISTEN!
COME HERE, BABY!
HONEY, OVER HERE!
HOW DO I LOOK?
NOW, WE HAVE A POP-TART
SALAD WHICH IS DELICIOUS.
♪ YO, YO, YO LET ME KNOW
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, MAMA ♪
♪ I DON'T GOTTA BE YOUR MAN
YOU DON'T GOTTA BE MY GIRL ♪
♪ WHAT UP I JUST, I JUST
WANNA TALK WIT' YOU ♪
♪ LET YOU KNOW ABOUT ME
YOU LET ME KNOW ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LET ME KNOW WHAT'S
ON YOUR MIND, MA ♪
♪ I DON'T GOTTA BE YOUR MAN
YOU DON'T GOTTA BE MY GIRL ♪
♪ WHAT UP I JUST ♪
♪ I JUST WANNA TALK WIT' YOU ♪
♪ LET YOU KNOW ABOUT ME
YOU LET ME KNOW ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ AIN'T NOTHIN' BETTER
THAN A ONE-NIGHT STAND ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU RUSH INTO
RELATIONSHIPS THIS MIGHT NOT LAST ♪
♪ SO I GO OUT EVERY NIGHT
LOOKIN' FOR MISS RIGHT ♪
♪ BUT I KEEP RUNNING INTO
MISS MONEY AND MISS A'IGHT ♪
♪ LOOKIN' FOR LOVE THESE
DAYS IS A WASTE OF TIME ♪
♪ THAT'S WHY I DON'T TALK
ABOUT IT IN MY RHYMES ♪
♪ BUT I TALK ABOUT THE
WOMEN I SLEPT WITH ♪
♪ WOMEN I MESSED WITH AND
WOMEN THAT I ALMOST GOT PREGNANT ♪
♪ THAT'S FOR
THINKIN' IT WAS LOVE ♪
♪ BUT IT WAS THE LUST A
YOUNG KID CHASIN' THE HUMP ♪
♪ BUT TIMES HAS CHANGED NOW
WHATEVER HAPPENED, HAPPENED ♪
♪ GUESS WHAT THEY HITTIN'
BARS UP IN MANHATTAN ♪
♪ 'CAUSE EVEN CLUBS THESE
DAYS ARE GETTIN' BORIN' ♪
♪ I WANT A PLACE TO
RELAX AND STAY FOCUSED ♪
♪ GRAB A DRINK HAVE A
CHAT WITH A COLLEGE GIRL ♪
♪ AND LET HER KNOW WE
COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD ♪♪
[Growling]
[Whistle Tweeting]
ALL RIGHT. REAL GOOD. REAL NICE.
LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA MAKE A REAL
FINE POLICE DOG. GOOD BOY, LUCKY.
ALL RIGHT, MR. SULLIVAN, WE'LL BE IN
TOUCH. YOU CAN JUST STEP RIGHT OUT.
ALL RIGHT. BRING IN THE NEXT
APPLICANT, MR. CORN BREAD TURNER.
UH, EXCUSE ME, MR. TURNER. ANIMAL
HOMICIDES ARE HANDLED BY THE A.S.P.C.A.
AW, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. WE'RE
ALREADY DOWN WITH O.P.P.
WELL, I'LL BE JOHN BROWN!
YOU GOOBER'S BOY, AIN'T YA?
- NO, SIR.
- I REMEMBER WHEN
THAT TRAIN RAN INTO YA.
CUT YA CLEAN IN HALF. SPLIT
YA WIDE OPEN LIKE A HOT LINK.
- HOT LINK?
- DRUG YA ALL THE WAY
DOWN TO CHATTANOOGA.
BUT YOU MADE GOOD
TIME, THOUGH. I OFTEN
WONDERED HOW THEY PUT
THE LEGS BACK ON YOUR ASS.
SIR, I'M AFRAID YOUR DOG IS NOT
EXACTLY THE ANIMAL WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
BUT THANKS FOR COMING. WE APPRECIATE YOUR
SUPPORT. GET A DOUGHNUT ON YOUR WAY OUT.
YOU JUST TRYIN' TO KEEP DUKE
DOWN 'CAUSE HE'S A BLACK DOG!
BLACK DOG AIN'T NEVER
ALLOWED TO HAVE NOTHIN'!
YOU COPS ARE GONNA DO 'IM LIKE
YOU DID THAT RODNEY KING FELLA.
ANYBODY GOT A VIDEO
CAMERA UP IN HERE?
ALL RIGHT. HOLD ON. LET'S
GIVE THE DOG A TRYOUT.
HEAR THAT, DUKE? YOU
GONNA GET YOUR CHANCE.
ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S
THE DOG'S NAME?
WELL, HIS REAL NAME IS
JEREMY JOLLY RANCHER
REMINGTON STEELE
LOUIE CADBURY THE THIRD...
TO THE FOURTH POWER.
BUT HE'LL...
BUT HE'LL JUST LAY THERE LIKE A WORM
ON A PANCAKE LESS'N YOU CALL HIM "DUKE."
WHOA! HEY, BOY!
DUKE, NOW... HEY!
PLEASE! ENOUGH!
WELL, I'LL BE JOHN BROWN!
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
- YOU DOC PEPPER'S BOY,
AIN'T YA?
- NO, I'M NOT.
ALWAYS KNEW YOU WAS GON' BE A
POLICE OFFICER, 'CAUSE YOU LIKED GUNS.
I REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU HAD THAT
.38... BLEW THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD OFF.
YOU LOOKED LIKE A NEGRO PIÑATA.
I TELL YA, JOLLY RANCHERS
WAS COMING OUT YOUR HEAD,
CRUMB CAKE ON DOWN YOUR BACK.
BUT THEY PUT YOUR HEAD
TOGETHER BACK WELL.
MR. TURNER! WE GOT
TWO SUITCASES HERE.
ONE OF THEM HAS TWO
POUNDS OF MARIJUANA IN IT.
IT'S DUKE'S JOB TO FIND OUT WHICH
ONE HAS IT IN THERE. CAN HE DO THAT?
COME ON, DUKE. SNIFF OUT THE
DEVIL'S WEED. YOU GOT A KEEN NOSE.
♪ SNIFF OUT THE WEED
SNIFFIN' OUT THE WEED ♪
WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME,
BUT AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE...
I'LL BE DOG... HERE'S
THE CHRONIC RIGHT HERE!
WHAT THE HELL? STRAIGHT CHRONIC.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
OFFICER PRATT,
ISN'T THAT YOUR BAG?
BUMMER. THE DEAD
DOG NARCED ME OUT.
DRUG DEALER! DRUG-DEALIN' THIEF!
THAT'S REEFER! THIS KIND OF
THING MAKES ME WANT TO RETCH.
MR. TURNER...
MR. TURNER, YOU HAVEN'T SMOKED
ANY OF THAT STUFF, HAVE YA?
NO, SIR. I HAVEN'T. ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GRANT YOU ONE THING.
YOUR DOG DID FIND THE MARIJUANA.
BUT POLICE WORK FOR A DOG IS VERY
DANGEROUS. YOU DOG MIGHT BE KILLED...
WELL, HE COULD BE
SERIOUSLY HURT...
WELL, BAD THINGS
MIGHT HAPPEN TO HIM.
YOU AIN'T GOT TO WORRY ABOUT DUKE,
'CAUSE DUKE AIN'T AFRAID OF NOTHIN'.
BOO!
YES, HE SEEMS VERY CALM.
BUT A POLICE DOG HAS TO BE VICIOUS. HE
HAS TO BE ABLE TO ATTACK ON COMMAND.
HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO DISABLE
A SUSPECT IMMEDIATELY.
THAT'S THE KIND OF
DOG WE'RE LOOKING FOR.
THAT AIN'T NO PROBLEM! GO AHEAD!
SIC 'IM, DUKE! NOW, LOOK OUT, DUKE!
GET 'IM, DUKE! MR. TURNER!
MR. TURNER! MR. TURNER!
[Imitates Barking]
MR. TURNER.
THAT'S PATHETIC. WOULD
YOU STOP, PLEASE?
A DOG HAS TO BE ABLE
TO DISABLE A SUSPECT
IMMEDIATELY. DUKE COULDN'T
DISABLE HIS OWN BOWELS.
DISABLE? IS THAT ALL
YOU WANT HIM TO DO?
COME ON, DUKE. SHOW HIM SOME OF THEM HONG
KONG PHOOEY MOVES! LOOK OUT! GET 'IM, DUKE!
THERE YOU GO! GET ON
HIM, DUKE! SUBDUE 'IM, BABY!
GET IT OFF ME! THERE YOU GO!
WELL, I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
YOU CARL'S JR.'S
BOY, AIN'T YA? NO!
I LIKE WHAT YOU DID WITH
THAT CHICKEN SANDWICH.
I'LL NEVER FORGET, THE DAY YOU WAS BORN...
YOU WAS STILLBORN WHEN YOU WAS BORN.
I SAID GET THAT THING OFF ME!
WHAT YOU TRYIN' TO DO TO DUKE?
OH! OH! OH! [Gunshots]
LOOK WHAT YOU DONE
DONE! YOU DONE KILLED DUKE!
I'LL BE JOHN BROWN.
DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT, DUKE!
DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT, BABY.
DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!
DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!
DON'T GO INTO THE
LIGHT! COME BACK TO ME!
MR. TURNER, UH, I'D
LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.
WE'RE REAL SORRY ABOUT YOUR DOG.
SOMEBODY WANNA GET A
SHOVEL AND SCRAPE THIS THING UP?
WAIT A MINUTE. LOOKEE
THERE. HIS TAIL IS WAGGIN'.
MR. TURNER, YOU'RE DOING THAT WITH
YOUR HAND. HE'S COMING BACK TO ME.
DUKE, I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA COME BACK
TO ME. YOU SHOULDN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS.
SIR, I SAW YOU MOVE THE TAIL.
WE'RE GONNA GO
TO SMITH & WESSON...
I MEAN SMITH AND BARNEY...
THE INSURANCE COMPANY.
WE'RE GON' GET YOU SOME MONEY
FOR YOUR PAIN AND YOUR SUFFERING.
COME ON, DUKE. ♪♪ [Singing]
HEY! THANKS FOR JOINING IN LIVING COLOR
THIS WEEK. WE HAD A GOOD, GOOD TIME.
KIDS, EDUCATION FIRST. PARENTS,
GET INTO THEIR EDUCATION TOO. PEACE!
♪♪ [Theme]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Ends]