In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 4, Episode 24 - Thelma and Louise Jefferson - full transcript

THIS WEEK, IN LIVING
COLOR ASKS THE QUESTION,

"WHAT IF BARBRA
STREISAND WERE BLACK?"

YEAH. STEPPIN' TO THE MIKE TONIGHT FROM
AROUND THE WAY, THE FIRST LADY OF RAP.

GIVE IT UP FOR M.C. BARBRA.

♪♪

ALL RIGHT. M.C. "B" IN THE
HOUSE. OH, MY GOODNESS.

HOW'S EVERYBODY DOIN'? OOH, I LIKE
YOUR BLOUSE. LISTEN, I'M A LITTLE EXCITED.

I WANNA THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKIN' MY
ALBUM, BABY'S GOT NOSE, GO DOUBLE PLATINUM.

HOW ABOUT THAT? LET'S KICK IT.

- EVERYBODY SAY "HO."
- HO.

- EVERYBODY SAY "HO-HO."
- HO-HO.



NOW SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, SCREAM!

BUST A SPIN.

♪ YOU CAN DO ME IN THE MORNING
YOU CAN DO ME IN THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SMACK IT UP FLAME IT DOWN,
RUB IT UP ♪ OH, NO. WHOO!

♪ WAVE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND
WAVE 'EM LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE ♪

- COME ON!
- I SAID WAVE YOUR HANDS
IN THE AIR.

OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE. I COULD USE
A MANICURE. ANYBODY GOT POLISH?

OH. WHAT UP, DOC?
OH, NEVER MIND.

HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?

HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?

HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪



♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP
AND SIP ON A DREAM ♪

♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE
ON A FUNKY SCENE ♪

♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪

♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
WITH TALENTED ROLES ♪

♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪

♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪

♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪

♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪

♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪

♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪

♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪

♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪

♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪

♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪

♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ GO, GO ♪♪

ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE! FREEZE!
SINGLE FILE! ONE AT A TIME!

YOU KNOW, THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF
IN TOWN, AND HIS NAME IS AL MACAFEE,

WITH HIS TRUSTY
SIDEKICK, THE DETECTO 2000.

NOW, IF I CATCH YOU WITH
A GUN, YOU'RE EXPELLED.

IF I CATCH YOU WITH A
KNIFE, YOU'RE SUSPENDED.

AND IF I CATCH YOU WITH SOME
GIRLIE MAGAZINES, I.E., PORNOGRAPHY,

YOU'LL, UH, GET 'EM BACK
BY THE END OF THE YEAR.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, WEBSTER.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SNEAK
PAST ME, SON? NOTHING, MR. MACAFEE.

WELL, WE'LL JUST SEE
ABOUT THAT. SPREAD 'EM!

AND WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS, HUH? WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' WITH THIS? A NINJA DEATH STAR, MR. MANSON?

IT'S A COMPASS. I NEED IT
FOR MY GEOMETRY TEST.

DO I LOOK LIKE AN
INFANT TO YOU, SON? NO.

DO I LOOK LIKE A
NEWBORN BABY, SON? NO.

THEN I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY!

MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD MR. MACAFEE'S
SPEECH ON SHARP, POINTED OBJECTS.

IF I HAVE TO POINT IT OUT,
THEN YOU'RE OUT. NOW, GET OUT!

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
CLEOPATRA JONES.

RIGHT OVER HERE,
BABY. HOLD IT STILL.

WHAT DO YOU GOT IN THERE, SWEETIE? HUH? YOU
CARRYING A DERRINGER IN THAT JIB OF YOURS?

OPEN IT UP. COME ON. I SAID "AH."
OH, MY GOD. WHAT IS THIS THING?

THAT'S MY RETAINER, MR. MACAFEE,
AND NOW MY TEETH'LL NEVER BE STRAIGHT.

I'LL BE UGLY. I GOT
NEWS FOR YOU, MISSY.

YOU COULD HAVE THE
TEETH OF JULIA ROBERTS,

AND YOU STILL WON'T BE
SHOPPIN' FOR A PROM DRESS.

NOW, AM-SCRAY, EAGLE
BEAK. GO ON, JAWS.

ATTENTION, DELINQUENTS,

I THINK IT'S HIGH TIME YOU HEARD
MR. MACAFEE'S SPEECH ON WEAPONS.

GUNS ARE LIKE WOMEN. YOU
KEEP ONE AROUND LONG ENOUGH,

AND SOONER OR LATER,
YOU'RE GONNA WANNA SHOOT IT.

OH, HOLD IT RIGHT
THERE, MS. HATHAWAY.

NOW, YOU KNOW NO ONE AVOIDS
THE SCRUTINY OF THE DETECTO 2000.

MACAFEE, I DON'T HAVE
TIME FOR THIS. I'M A TEACHER.

NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW. WE HAVE
TO SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THE KIDS.

LET'S CHECK YOU
OUT, SUGAR SMACKS.

LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY'S TRYIN'...

TO SMUGGLE A PAIR
OF SCUDS THERE.

I'M WEARING AN
UNDERWIRE BRA, YOU IDIOT.

WELL, I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA HAVE TO
PAT YOU DOWN AND SEE FOR MYSELF.

NO WAY, MACAFEE. NOW, MS.
HATHAWAY, I'M A PROFESSIONAL.

DO YOU THINK I COULD POSSIBLY DERIVE
SOME SORT OF SENSUAL PLEASURE...

BY SIMPLY DOING MY JOB?

NO. NOW, SPREAD 'EM!

OKAY. OH, GOD. OH, MY
GOD. GET OFF ME, YOU SICKO.

ALL RIGHT, YOU LITTLE CRIMINALS.

WHO'S LAUGHING AT ME?
HUH? WHO'S LAUGHING AT ME?

YOU'RE GONNA BE LAUGHIN' IN
DETENTION. OH! DAMN THIS METAL HIP.

YOU KNOW, YOU KIDS ARE LAUGHIN' NOW, BUT NOBODY
WAS LAUGHIN' WHEN THIS WAR HERO JUMPED...

OUT OF A CHOPPER
OVER MOO GOO GAI PAN.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, SON OF SAM.

YO. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GLAD
YOU'RE ON THE JOB, MR. MACAFEE,

'CAUSE I DON'T FEEL SAFE UP
IN HERE, KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

WELL, THANKS A LOT, SON. YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA BE CRUEL TO BE KIND.

YOU'RE NOT STILL BANGIN',
ARE YOU? NO, I AIN'T DOIN' THAT.

ALL RIGHT THEN. LET'S
HAVE A LOOK IN YOUR JACKET.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

A HARMONICA, HUH? YOU KNOW,
SON, THERE WERE MANY NIGHTS...

IN THE OLD FOXHOLE WITH
MY OTHER MALE COMPATRIOTS,

ALL WE HAD IS JUDY GARLAND
RECORDS AND EACH OTHER'S COMPANY.

AND, OF COURSE, THE MOUTH
ORGAN WAS MY ONLY TRUE FRIEND.

YOU KNOW "JIMMY
CRACK CORN"? NAH.

AND I DON'T CARE. MAYBE I COULD PLAY
THAT FOR YOU SOMETIME, MR. MACAFEE.

HEY, HEY, BOYS.

YOU'RE R.O.T.C?
TAKE IT ON THROUGH.

YOU'RE DOING A FINE JOB, MR. MACAFEE.
HEY, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

WHY, THANKS A LOT. IS IT LEROY?
SECTION 18. KNOW YOUR MOM AND DAD WELL.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ONE OF
THE GOOD APPLES, LEROY.

OKAY. ONE AT A TIME. YEAH, I GUESS
THEY KNOW WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE.

ALAN MACAFEE, THAT'S WHO.

OH, MY. GOOD MORNING.

LET ME JUST GET
MYSELF ORGANIZED HERE.

OKAY. WELL.

WHO IS NEXT, PLEASE? HELLO
THERE, SIR. HOW ARE YOU?

FINE. HOW ARE YOU? LET ME GUESS.

YOU'RE AN AMERICAN INDIAN,
AREN'T YOU? NATIVE AMERICAN.

NATIVE AMERICAN. THAT'S RIGHT. OH,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES. POLITICALLY CORRECT.

BETWEEN THE COLOREDS WANTING TO BE CALLED
AFRO-AMERICANS, AND DON'T EVEN TRY...

TO EXPLAIN TO ME THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THE ASIANS AND THE ORIENTALS.

I KNOW ONE OF 'EM'S A RUG.

BUT LISTEN. HOW CAN I HELP
YOU? DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

"HOW" CAN I HELP YOU?

UH, I... OH, I SLAY MYSELF.

WELL, I'M NEW IN TOWN,
AND I'M LOOKING FOR A JOB.

WELL, OF COURSE YOU ARE. NOW, HOW
LONG HAVE YOU BEEN OFF THE RESERVATION?

LISTEN. I KNOW HOW
TRAUMATIZING IT CAN BE...

TO BE IN AN URBAN
DWELLING FOR THE FIRST TIME.

I DO KNOW SOMETHING
OF YOUR PAIN, YOU KNOW.

JUST THE OTHER NIGHT, I
RENTED DANCES WITH WOLVES.

LOOK, I NEED A JOB
TODAY IF YOU GOT ONE.

OH, WELL, OF COURSE. WE'LL
FILL OUT AN APPLICATION.

NOW, I'M SORRY. WHAT WAS YOUR NAME?
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DO WITH WOLVES?

NEVER MIND. I'LL COME
BACK TOMORROW, OKAY?

WELL, ALL RIGHT, BUT YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
GET ANYWHERE WITH THAT KIND OF ATTITUDE.

OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES, WOULD
YOU LOOK AT YOU, YOU JOLLY OLD ELF?

I COULD HAVE USED YOU BACK IN DECEMBER,
WHAT WITH ALL THE CALLS I WAS GETTING...

FOR DEPARTMENT STORE SANTAS.

YOU JUST WOULD NEVER BELIEVE
IT. WELL, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.

WHO'S NEXT, PLEASE?

I AM. HELLO THERE,
DEAR. I AM SHEILA PEACE.

HELLO. UM, I'M LOOKING FOR
A JOB, BUT IN THE MEANTIME,

I'D LIKE TO COLLECT
UNEMPLOYMENT.

OH, WELL, OF COURSE. NOW, YOU
WILL HAVE TO FILL OUT AN APPLICATION.

- ALL RIGHT.
- HERE WE ARE. NOW...

WHAT WAS YOUR NAME BEFORE YOU
EMBRACED THE WAYS OF MUHAMMED...

OR WHATEVER YOU SAY...
I MEAN, LISTEN TO ME.

I WOULD PUT DOWN "X,""Y,""Z," OR
WHATEVER CHROMOSOME YOU WANT,

BUT THE FOLKS UPSTAIRS WOULDN'T BE
TOO THRILLED, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU KNOW, I CAN REALLY RESPECT
YOUR WHOLE DENOUNCING OF WHITEY,

BUT LET'S JUST FOCUS ON
GETTING YOU A JOB, SHALL WE?

CAN I FILL OUT THE
APPLICATION BY MYSELF, PLEASE?

OH, NO. I'M AFRAID IT WOULD BE MUCH,
MUCH BETTER IF I HELPED YOU FILL IT OUT.

NOW, WERE YOU
LAID OFF? YES, I WAS.

WELL, OF COURSE YOU WERE. I FIGURED
AS MUCH. LISTEN, CAN I BE A FRIEND?

IF YOU WOULD JUST RUN A COMB
THROUGH THAT HAIR OF YOURS,

YOUR PHONE WOULD BE
RINGING OFF THE WALLS.

YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU
WANTED. CAN ANYONE ELSE HELP ME?

OH, UM, "PARDONAY," AMIGO,

BUT THESE "CARDOS" ARE
NOT WRITTEN IN "ESPANCHOLO."

¿MUY BIEN? THAT'S OKAY,
LADY. I CAN READ THEM.

OH, OF COURSE YOU
CAN. VERY GOOD.

ARE THERE ANY LISTINGS FOR ANY
PART-TIME WORK? OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES.

WHAT KIND OF ATTITUDE IS THAT? YOU'RE
NEVER GONNA GET AHEAD THAT WAY.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY
SOMETHING FULL-TIME?

LADY, I HAVE ANOTHER
JOB. I WORK IN PRODUCE.

WELL, OF COURSE YOU DO.
BUT I HAVE TO CONFESS TO YOU,

I THINK THAT KIND OF WORK
IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.

DANGEROUS? WHAT
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT IS THAT
YOU AVOID GETTING HIT BY A CAR...

SELLING THOSE ORANGES
RIGHT OFF THE FREEWAY RAMP.

I MEAN, FOR HEAVEN'S
SAKES... WELL, OF COURSE,

WHAT'S A LITTLE TOYOTA TO YOU WHEN
YOU'RE DODGIN' BULLS ALL DAY LONG?

OLÉ! CAN I TALK TO YOUR MANAGER?

JUST WHEN YOU SAID THAT, YOU
SOUNDED LIKE THAT WHAT'S-HIS-NAME.

OH, GOD. DON'T TELL ME. YOU LOOK JUST
LIKE HIM, THAT, UH, EUGENE NEARLY ALMOST...

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

THAT'S THE WOMAN I WANT TO FILE A
COMPLAINT AGAINST. SHE INSULTED ME.

WHAT? IF I OWNED A MINI-MART,
I WOULD NOT NEED A JOB.

THIS DOT HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH LASER TAG.

SHEILA, I'VE WARNED YOU BEFORE.
I'LL HAVE TO TALK TO YOU IN MY OFFICE.

WELL, NOW, THERE MUST BE SOME
SORT OF MISUNDERSTANDING, SIR.

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

OOH. EXCUSE ME. YOU'RE
GIVING ME THE BUM'S RUSH, SIR.

EXCUSE ME.

OH, JUDGING BY THE LOOKS OF THAT JACKET,
I'D SAY YOU WERE OUR NEW BEAUTY CONSULTANT.

AND BY THE LOOKS OF YOUR
MAKEUP, I CAN SEE THAT I AM NEEDED.

THAT'S VERY CUTE.

WELL, THIS IS YOUR STATION,
AND WHAT I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO DO...

IS TO START ORGANIZING THESE
MASCARAS IN THE DISPLAY CASE, ALL RIGHT?

AND WE HAVE AN OVERSTOCK ON APRICOT FACIAL
MASKS, SO MAKE SURE YOU PUSH THEM, OKAY?

OKAY. I'LL BE IN
BACK IF YOU NEED ME.

ALL RIGHT.

I THINK I NEED SOME HELP.

I'M GLAD FOR YOU, AND I'M SURE THAT
YOUR ANALYST WILL BE VERY PLEASED...

THAT YOU HAVE MADE
THIS BREAKTHROUGH.

BUT FOR RIGHT NOW, WHY DON'T YOU
TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED FROM ME...

SO I CAN GO BACK TO THIS LIFE-ENRICHING
TASK OF ARRANGING THESE MASCARAS.

OKAY. THAT SOUNDS REALLY GOOD.

I JUST, UM... I'VE NEVER
WORN MAKEUP BEFORE,

AND I'M JUST LOOKING
FOR A BRAND-NEW ME.

ANY SUGGESTIONS?

WELL, SEVERAL COME TO MIND, BUT
WHY DON'T YOU TRY THESE SAMPLES,

AND WHEN YOU FIND THIS NEW YOU,
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE HER OUT TO DINNER...

SO YOU CAN LET ME
GET BACK TO MY TASK.

EXCUSE ME. I AM SURE THAT THE
COOTIES RESEARCH COMMISSION...

HAS GIVEN YOU COMPLETE
PERMISSION TO RUB YOUR MOUTH...

ALL OVER ANY AND EVERY OBJECT
YOU HAPPEN TO ENCOUNTER,

BUT THIS IS COMPANY LIPSTICK, NOT
YOUR OWN PERSONAL DENTAL RETAINER.

TISSUE ANYONE?

HOW DO I LOOK?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS ON WHICH
CIRCUS YOU WOULD LIKE TO JOIN.

I MEAN, I AM TOO SURE THAT BOZO THE CLOWN IS
OUT SOMEWHERE SHAKIN' IN HIS BIG, RED BOOTS...

KNOWIN' THAT YOU ARE
SNEAKIN' IN ON HIS TERRITORY.

SO, UM, UNLESS YOU ARE AUDITIONING
FOR THE TAMMY FAYE BAKKER STORY,

I WOULD LOSE A FEW LAYERS.

TISSUE ANYONE? THANK YOU. I
GUESS I'LL JUST GO HOME NOW.

EXCUSE ME, MISS. ALL THE
OTHER REGISTERS ARE FULL.

CAN YOU RING THIS UP
FOR ME? WHY, YES, I CAN.

THE QUESTION IS WILL
I? THE ANSWER IS NO.

BUT THERE'S NOBODY HERE. THIS IS
MAKEUP. THIS IS A MAKEUP COUNTER,

WHERE MAKEUP IS
RUNG ON THE REGISTER.

SO UNLESS THIS IS A NEW FORM OF COTTON
EYELINER, OF WHICH I AM NOT PRESENTLY AWARE,

I SUGGEST YOU TAKE THIS MERCHANDISE
BACK TO THE DEPARTMENT FROM WHENCE IT CAME.

WHO IS YOUR MANAGER? I'D
LIKE TO LODGE A COMPLAINT.

WELL, THAT SHOWS YOU HAVE A
LOT OF SPUNK, AND I AM TOO SURE...

THAT WHEN YOU FILE YOUR BLISTERING
CONDEMNATION OF MY RETAIL SKILLS,

OUR COMPANY STOCK WILL PLUMMET ON THE
STOCK EXCHANGE, CAUSE A RASH OF SUICIDES...

AND TRIGGER GLOBAL DEPRESSION.

BUT MY MANAGER IS NOT HERE AT THE
MOMENT, SO YOU WILL HAVE TO BE CONTENT...

WITH CAUSING A PUBLIC NUISANCE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO MEAN!

TISSUE ANYONE? OH!

UH, EXCUSE ME, MISS. I WOULD LIKE
FOR YOU TO GIVE ME A FACIAL MASK.

I AM GOING TO THE OPERA TONIGHT,
AND I WISH TO LOOK MY BEST.

OH, WELL, I'M SURE THAT WHEN THE FAT
LADY LOOKS OUT FROM THE AUDIENCE...

AND SEES YOUR GLEAMING,
WIDE-OPEN PORES... YES?

SHE WILL BE INSPIRED TO
HER GREATEST PERFORMANCE.

BUT FOR ONLY 12.99, YOU COULD TAKE THIS
APRICOT MASK HOME AND DO IT YOURSELF.

NO, NO, NO, DEAR. YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND.

MONEY IS NO OBJECT. I
SHOULD LIKE YOU TO APPLY IT.

FINE.

I AM TOO SURE DONALD TRUMP
WILL BE VERY PLEASED... WHOOPS!

TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME $40 TO
SPREAD SOME ORANGE GOOP ALL OVER YOUR FACE.

YES, WELL... OH, MY.

HOW LONG SHOULD IT STAY ON
THEN? OOH. ABOUT TWO HOURS.

TWO HOURS? ISN'T IT
USUALLY 15 MINUTES OR SO?

YES, THAT'S CORRECT, BUT
UNFORTUNATELY, THIS IS MY LUNCH HOUR.

WHAT? TISSUES ARE
RIGHT OVER THERE.

WAIT! MISS!

♪♪ WELCOME TO THE
BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW.

AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST... GIVE
IT UP ONE TIME FOR LAMAR HIGHTOWER.

HEY! HI! THANK YOU. WELCOME
TO THE BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW,

THE SHOW BY, FOR AND
ABOUT PEOPLES OF BLACKNESS.

OUR FIRST CELEBRITY
GUEST HAS APPEARED...

ON MANY TELEVISION
SHOWS AND INFOMERCIALS.

Y'ALL GIVE A NICE HAND FOR
MY MAIN MAN, CURT JACKSON.

BROTHER MAN HERE. WELCOME TO
THE BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW, CURT.

THANKS, LAMAR.

NOW, 'FORE I START, I GOT TO
TELL THE BROTHERS AT HOME...

HOW PROUD I AM OF THIS BLACK
MAN RIGHT UP IN THROUGH HERE.

NOT ONLY ARE YOU A WORKING BLACK
ACTOR, OR "BLACKTOR," AS I LIKE TO SAY,

BUT YOU SEEM TO BRING DIGNITY AND
PRIDE TO EVERY LITTLE PART YOU PLAY.

GIVE IT UP FOR CURT, EVERYBODY.

NOW, GIVE IT UP ONE
MORE TIME FOR ME.

SO, WHAT YOU WORKIN' ON, CURT?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I'VE WORKED WITH
ALL THE BIGGIES... WESLEY, DENZEL...

AND I JUST FINISHED A COMMERCIAL
WHERE I PLAYED A RAISIN.

- A WHAT?
- A RAISIN.

WELL, I TELL YOU ONE THING, BROTHER
MAN: THIS WEEKEND, THE RAISIN IS COMIN'...

FROM THE BLACK PEOPLE'S
SHOWCASE THEATER,

WHERE I WILL BE STARRING
IN A RAISIN IN THE SUN.

HEY, NOW. GIVE IT UP ONE
MORE TIME FOR ME, ALL RIGHT?

NOW, WE GONNA BE RAISIN'
MUCH SAYIN' OVER THERE.

WELL, LOOK, CURT, I WANNA THANK
YOU. I KNOW YOU'VE GOT THINGS TO DO,

PLACES TO GO,
AND YOU CAN'T STAY.

YES, I CAN. I'M NOT BUSY. WELL, YOU
MIGHT WANNA SCOOT YOUR LITTLE ASS DOWN.

ALL RIGHT. OUR NEXT GUEST
IS CURRENTLY ON THE SET...

OF HER NEW HIT TV SHOW,
DEEP SOLAR SYSTEM 6.

NOW, PLEASE WELCOME
LIVE VIA SATELLITE...

MY MAIN GIRL, TONYA HODGES.

HEY, TONYA.

TONYA, YOU KNOW YOU ONE OF THE HARDEST-WORKING
"BLACKTRESSES" IN HOLLYWOOD TODAY.

- NOW, IS IT TOUGH
TO MAINTAIN YOUR DIGNITY?
- NOT AT ALL, LAMAR.

GONE ARE THE DAYS WHEN ALL WE
COULD PLAY WERE MAIDS AND HOOKERS.

I FIGURE WITH THE
KIND OF WORK I'M DOIN',

AN IMAGE AWARD CAN'T BE FAR OFF.

ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. LET'S
SET UP FOR THE ORGY SCENE.

UH-OH. LOOK LIKE YOU GOT TO DO
WHAT YOU GOT TO DO BEST: ORGY.

GET BUSY, BABY! THANKS
FOR JOINING US, TONYA.

THANK YOU. THANK
YOU, LAMAR. THANK YOU.

EVERYBODY GIVE IT UP
FOR TONYA ONE MORE TIME.

NOW, GIVE IT UP ONE
MORE TIME FOR ME.

THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT NOW.

OUR NEXT GUEST HAS
APPEARED ON MANY TV SHOWS...

AND HAS JUST
FINISHED HIS FIRST FILM.

HE'S ALSO WON A BLACK PEOPLE'S AWARD
FOR BEST SCARED BROTHER ON A POLICE SHOW.

Y'ALL GIVE IT UP FOR MY MAIN
MAN. DARYL SIMMONS COMING AT YA.

BROTHER MAN, LOOK AT YOU.
WELCOME TO THE BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO VERY
MUCH. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO DRESS.
YOU GET THAT FROM MORRIS DAY?

- YOU GOT ME.
- OH! AH!

ONLY THING YOU FORGOT IS LOTION
FOR THEM LITTLE ASHY LEGS YOU GOT.

ANYWAY, I KNOW THIS
BROTHER ALWAYS BUSY.

WHAT YOU WORKIN'
ON? WELL, OF COURSE,

I BELIEVE THE ONLY WAY A PERSON
CAN TRULY PERFECT HIS CRAFT...

IS TO GIVE HIMSELF CONSTANT CHALLENGES
TO CONTINUE TO STRETCH HIS INSTRUMENT.

BY THE WAY, I LOVED
YOU AS A RAISIN. THANKS.

LOOK HERE. TELL US
ABOUT THIS FILM YOU GOT.

WELL, OF COURSE. IT'S A DIFFERENT
ROLE FOR ME. AS YOU KNOW,

I AM BEST KNOWN FOR PLAYING A
SCARED BROTHER ON A POLICE SHOW.

WELL, NOW I FINALLY GET A CHANCE TO PLAY
SOMEWHAT OF A FRIGHTENED NEGRO IN A HORROR FILM.

I HEARD THAT. NOW,
LEMME ASK YOU.

WERE YOU ABLE TO GET ACROSS THE BLACK
EXPERIENCE TO THE PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANTED?

OF COURSE. I MEAN, IT CAME THROUGH QUITE
NICELY. IN FACT, I BELIEVE I HAVE A CLIP.

- COULD WE RUN THAT, PLEASE?
- AIN'T GONNA BE NO PROBLEM
WITH THAT.

- YOU WANNA SET IT UP?
- WELL, OF COURSE. I'M COWERING
IN A CORNER...

IN A DARKENED ROOM WHERE A 5,000-YEAR-OLD
EGYPTIAN PHARAOH COMES BACK TO LIFE...

AND TRIES TO KILL ME.

- AND THE NAME
OF THE MOVIE IS...
- MO' MUMMY.

YOU DONE HEARD IT FROM THE MAN HIMSELF.
DARYL SIMMONS IN MO' MUMMY, COMIN' AT YOU.

I DON'T WANNA DIE! I
CAN'T GO OUT LIKE THIS!

OH, BROTHER, THAT WAS BRILLIANT. YOU
DONE WENT DEEP FOR THAT ONE, BROTHER.

OH, WELL, THAT'S ALL THE
TIME WE HAVE FOR TODAY.

GO SEE DARYL
SIMMONS IN MO' MUMMY.

WATCH MY GIRL TONYA HODGES
IN DEEP SOLAR SYSTEM 6...

AND LOOK FOR CURT AS A
RAISIN IN A BOWL OF CEREAL.

AND REMEMBER TO LOOK
ON THE LAST PAGE OF JET...

TO SEE WHERE THE REST OF THE BLACK
PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD ARE WORKING THIS WEEK.

NOW, YOU KNOW Y'ALL AIN'T HEADIN'
OUT WITHOUT GETTIN' THE DOOR PRIZE.

A CAKE CUTTER FROM ME, LAMAR.
GO ON AND KEEP IT. IT'S ON THE HOUSE.

WELL, UNTIL NEXT TIME, THIS IS LAMAR
HIGHTOWER FOR THE BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW.

COME ON. HELP ME OUT, Y'ALL.

♪ THE BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW THE
BLACK... BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW ♪

♪ YOU WATCH, I WATCH
WE WATCH, THEY WATCH ♪

♪ THE BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW ♪

♪ BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW
BLACK PEOPLE'S SHOW ♪

♪ YOU WATCH, THEY
WATCH I WATCH ♪♪

I HOPE EVERYBODY HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT. WE'RE
GONNA CLOSE THE SHOW WITH A MUSICAL GUEST.

HE'S GONNA BE DOING THE REMIX VERSION OF
SINGLE "SWING MY WAY" FROM THE ALBUM FREE.

PLEASE WELCOME PRINCE MARKIE
DEE AND THE SOUL CONVENTION.

CHECK IT. ONE, TWO.

HERE WE GO. CHECK IT.
CHECK IT. WHAT UP, BABY?

YO. CHECK IT, BABY.

♪ YOU NEED TO SWING MY WAY MARKIE
DEE COULD DO YOU RIGHT IN A FLY WAY ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU SHOULD
CHOOSE GIRL, YOU WON'T BE ABUSED ♪

♪ SO, BABY YOU NEED
TO SWING MY WAY ♪

♪ YOU GOT MORE HEAR THAN HOLYFIELD,
STOP RUNNIN' WITH THAT BASTARD ♪

♪ BUST YOU IN THE GRILLE AND
LEAVE YOU DEAD IN A CASKET ♪

♪ HON, YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE
LIGHT-SKINNED, LAID-BACK FLEX WITH THE ROLEX ♪

♪ KID FROM WAY BACK STRAIGHT FROM
BROOKLYN SO YOU KNOW THE PROGRAM ♪

♪ YOU NEED A SUAVE
POLO NOT A CONAN ♪

♪ I GOT FINESSE AND
A WARM CARESS ♪

♪ AND I'M NOT THE TYPE TO
PUT YOU THROUGH NO MESS ♪

♪ SUGAR, ON THE REAL
'CAUSE I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ♪

♪ COME AND GET CLOSE
TO THE MAN OF STEEL ♪

♪ I GOT YOUR BACK
JUST TREAT ME RIGHT ♪

♪ I'LL PROTECT YOU WHEN HE'S
DRUNK AND HE WANTS TO FIGHT ♪

♪ SO COME AND GET SOME HONEY
LOVE I'LL SERVE IT ON A PLATTER ♪

♪ MARKIE DEE GOT POUNCE
YOUR MAN DON'T MATTER ♪

♪ SIT BACK, RELAX, EXPLORE
'CAUSE PRINCE MARKIE DEE IS YOURS ♪

- DIG IT.
- ♪ BABY, YOU NEED
TO SWING MY WAY ♪

♪ MARKIE DEE COULD DO
YOU RIGHT IN A FLY WAY ♪

♪ UNLIKE THE MAN YOU'RE WITH
NOW I KEEP MY HANDS TO MYSELF ♪

♪ SO, BABY, YOU NEED
TO SWING MY WAY ♪

♪ BABY, YOU NEED TO SWING
MY WAY ♪ CHECK IT OUT.

♪ MARKIE DEE COULD DO
YOU RIGHT IN A FLY WAY ♪

♪ I'M THE ONE YOU SHOULD
CHOOSE GIRL, YOU WON'T BE ABUSED ♪

♪ SO, BABY, YOU NEED
TO SWING MY WAY ♪

HERE WE GO. ♪ ON THE SECOND
VERSE I HOPE WE SUCCEED ♪

♪ YOU WEAR A LOT OF MAKEUP JUST
TO HIDE THE BRUISES ON YOUR SKIN ♪♪