In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 3, Episode 24 - Men on Football - full transcript

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR
WHEN WE TAKE A REST...

AND GIVE YOU A CHANCE
TO CHECK OUT THE BEST.

HERE'S ONE OF OUR BEST
OF SHOWS, A COLLECTION

OF YOUR FAVORITE
SKETCHES FROM THIS SEASON.

THANKS FOR CHECKING US OUT.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
YOU BROUGHT ME HERE TODAY.

WELL, HONEY, YOU'RE
OLDER NOW AND MAMA THINKS

IT'S TIME TO SHOW YOU
SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL.

TA-DA! WOW, LOOK
AT ALL THESE NAMES.

THESE MUST BE THE NAMES OF PEOPLE WHO
DONATED MONEY TO KEEP THE PARK BEAUTIFUL.

HMM, NOT EXACTLY. THEN THESE
MUST BE THE 1,000 POINTS OF LIGHT.



NO, MISSY. THESE 20,000 NAMES ARE THE
WOMEN WHO'VE SLEPT WITH WILT CHAMBERLAIN.

YOU MEAN THERE'S A
MONUMENT TO THAT?

HONEY, THAT'S JUST THE TIP OF THE
ICEBERG. YOU SEE THAT NAME UP THERE?

MOM! THAT'S RIGHT.
ME. ME! [Laughs]

MOM, THAT'S GREAT.

OH! YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME.

WELL, HONEY, YOU KNOW,

ONE OF THESE DAYS MAYBE YOU'LL
GET LUCKY AND YOU'LL MEET WILT,

AND THEN YOUR NAME WILL
BE ON THE WALL OF FAME.

WELL, THANKS ALL
THE SAME, BUT, UH...

I'VE ALREADY BEEN THERE, HOMIE.

YOU LITTLE RASCAL.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME
WHY THEM CALL HIM THE STILT.

[Both Laugh, Squeal]



OH, GIRL. OH, I GUESS MY LITTLE
GIRL'S A FULL-GROWN SKEEZER.

HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?

HOW YOU LIVIN'? WHAT?

HOW YOU LIVIN'? ♪
IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT IS UP
TO YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR
YOU ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU
WANNA BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ LET'S TAKE A TRIP AND
SIP ON A DREAM ♪ ♪ YEAH ♪

♪ GLIDE WITH THE GUIDE ON A
FUNKY SCENE ♪ ♪ ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE FUNKY, FUNNY MO' MONEY SHOWS ♪

♪ A CAST FOR LAUGHS
AND TALENTED ROLES ♪

♪ AND SISTERS WITH TWISTERS
FOR YOU BEEN LOOKIN' LISTENER ♪

♪ IT SEEMS YOU DON'T BELIEVE SO
YOU CAN BELIEVE WHAT I CONVINCE YA ♪

♪ SOME BOOTY TO YOUR SHORT
AND THOUGHT WE'LL MAKE IT SNAPPY ♪

♪ WITH JOKES AND POKES AT
FOLKS TO KEEP YOU HAPPY ♪

♪ NO NEED TO HOLD
YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ♪

♪ CHILL THIS SHOW'S GOT SOUL ♪

♪ ALL ABOARD, ALL ABOARD
THE TRAIN NEVER TROUBLES ♪

♪ YOU'D BETTER
SNUGGLE UP COUPLE UP ♪

♪ ON THE DOUBLE-DUB-DOUBLE ♪
♪ YEAH ♪

♪ IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE BUT SOME
OF THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE ♪

♪ SO, FELLAS, GRAB YOUR GIRL
TELL HER THAT YOU LOVE HER ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE LIVIN'
WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN LIVING COLOR ♪

♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ GO, GO, GO, GO
GO, GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ GO, GO, GO ♪

♪ GO, GO, GO, GO ♪♪

AH, MINISTER FARRAKHAN, I'M CERTAINLY
LOOKING FORWARD TO THE GAME TODAY.

WELL, AL SHARPTON, THE REGULAR
MANAGER OF THE BASEBALL TEAM IS SICK TODAY,

AND THE OWNER
WANTS YOU TO FILL IN.

AND IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU BECOME
FAMILIAR WITH ALL THE PLAYERS' NAMES,

ESPECIALLY SINCE SOME OF
THEM ARE A LITTLE STRANGE.

OH, I'M DOWN. THAT'S RIGHT. I'M DOWN
IS SICK, SO YOU'LL BE TAKING HIS PLACE.

SAY WHAT? SAYWHAT'S
OVER IN RIGHT FIELD.

SO WHO'S ON FIRST?
NO, JEWS ON FIRST.

SAYS WHO? THE OWNER, WHITEY.

- WHITEY'S ON THE TEAM?
- THAT'S RIGHT,
WITH JEWS ON FIRST,

THEMAN IS ON SECOND, MR. CHARLIE AT
SHORTSTOP, AND IT'S ACONSPIRACY AT THIRD.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. WHO'S
AT SHORTSTOP? MR. CHARLIE.

BUT, NOW, ISN'T THAT A CONSPIRACY?
NO, ACONSPIRACY'S AT THIRD.

SO THEN, WHO'S AT
FIRST? NO, JEWS ON FIRST.

PREACH ON. PREACHON IS PITCHING.

SAY WHAT, MY BROTHER? SAYWHAT'S
RIGHT FIELD. MYBROTHER IS CATCHING.

SO, NOW, MYBROTHER'S CATCHING.

RIGHT ON. SO WHERE'S
ACONSPIRACY? PREACH ON.

NO, RIGHTON IS IN LEFT
FIELD, ACONSPIRACY IS

AT THIRD, AND MYBROTHER
IS CATCHING, PREACHON.

- PREACH ON?
- THAT'S RIGHT, PREACHON.

AMEN. IS PLAYING CENTER FIELD.

SAY WHAT? IN RIGHT FIELD.

SAYS WHO? WHITEY.

PREACH ON! PREACHON IS
PITCHING TO MYBROTHER.

SO, UH, JEWS ON FIRST?

I'M DOWN. I THOUGHT YOU
SAID HE WAS THE OLD MANAGER.

NO, I'M JUST SAYING, "I'M DOWN."
I'M DOWN, WHAT? IS AT FIRST?

- NO, JEWS ON FIRST.
- SO, JEWS ON FIRST,

THEMAN IS AT SECOND, MR. CHARLIE IS
THE SHORTSTOP, AND THEN IT'S ACONSPIRACY.

- AMEN, MY BROTHER.
- CENTER FIELD AND CATCHER.

SAY WHAT? AMEN AND RIGHTON. NOW,
THAT TAKES CARE OF THE OUTFIELD.

- RIGHTON AND AMEN.
- SO, WHERE IS THE CONSPIRACY?

BETWEEN MYBROTHER AND THEMAN.

ACCORDING TO WHO?
WHITEY AND JEWS.

SEE, THIS IS ALL THE WORK
OF WHITEY'S AND JEWS.

NOW, I UNDERSTAND
WHITEY, BUT WHY THE JEWS?

- BECAUSE JEWS IS ALSO CAPTAIN.
- OVER MYBROTHER?

RIGHT ON. AND AMEN AND
PREACH ON, MY BROTHER.

THIS IS MORE CONFUSING THAN
THE TAWANA BRAWLEY TRIAL.

JOHNNY? JOHNNY, IS THAT YOU?

OH, JOHNNY, IT'S BEEN SO LONG. I
THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER COME BACK.

- WHY, YOU'RE NOT JOHNNY!
- YEAH, I KNOW.

TELL YOUR STORY WALKING, PAL, OR I'LL HAVE
THE HOTEL DICK UP HERE SO QUICK, YOU'LL...

LOOK HERE, BABE, YOU BETTER CHILL, ALL
RIGHT? YOU BETTER CHILL, 'CAUSE I WILL...

I... BABY, I WILL
BRUSH YOU TO DEATH.

BABY? WHY, NO
SENTIMENTAL SAP ON EARTH...

WOULD CALL ME BABY, EXCEPT
ONE PERSON ALONE... JOHNNY.

HE SENT YOU, DIDN'T HE? OH, OF
COURSE. I SHOULD'VE REALIZED.

OH, WHAT DID HE SAY? TELL ME
EVERYTHING. I WANT TO HEAR EVERY WORD.

UH, HE SAID FOR YOU
NOT TO CALL THE POLICE...

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, AND
JUST FORGET THIS EVER HAPPENED.

OH, NUTS. I COULD
NEVER FORGET JOHNNY.

WHY, I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THE
WORLD WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS HIM.

OH, TAKE ME TO HIM,
WON'T YOU? YOU'VE GOT TO.

OH, TELL ME EVERYTHING. TELL ME
WHAT HE SAID. TELL ME WHAT HE NEEDS!

WELL...

WELL, ACTUALLY, WHAT HE NEED
IS, JOHNNY NEEDS SOME MONEY.

MONEY? WHY, IS
THAT ALL? THE BIG LUG.

NO, NOT JUST MONEY. HE
NEED, UH, CREDIT CARDS, VCRs,

UH, CAMCORDERS, AND HE
BEEN CRAVIN' FOR THIS ROLEX.

WELL, I SUPPOSE I DO HAVE A FEW BAUBLES,
A FEW TRINKETS, A FEW SHINY SOUVENIRS.

THEY MAY SEEM
MEANINGLESS TO YOU,

BUT THEY'VE BROUGHT A HANDFUL
OF HAPPINESS TO THIS LONELY HEART.

HEY, HOLD IT. THIS AIN'T
ONE OF THEM TOTALLY

HIDDEN VIDEO THINGS
LIKE THAT, IS IT?

OH, JOHNNY. I REMEMBER THE DAY
HE LEFT AS THOUGH IT WAS YESTERDAY.

HE STOOD RIGHT AT THAT
DOOR, AND SAID TO ME, "VELMA,

I'M GOING OUT FOR A DOZEN ROSES, A
PACK OF CIGARETTES AND A QUART OF GIN."

THEN HE SLIPPED ME FIVE BUCKS AND
TOLD ME TO BUY MYSELF SOMETHING PRETTY.

I'VE BEEN WAITING
HERE EVER SINCE.

YOU DON'T HAVE THAT FIVE
DOLLARS WITH YOU, DO YOU?

OH, TAKE IT. TAKE IT ALL.

DON'T YOU SEE? NOTHING MEANS
ANYTHING TO ME BUT JOHNNY.

OH, I MISS HIM SO!
[Sobbing] OH, JOHNNY!

[Mock Sobbing] OH, JOHNNY! OH!

OH, JOHNNY!

I'M OPRAH, GIRL. LET IT
OUT, GIRL. CALLER, YOU SAY...

OH, JOHNNY! OH! [Blubbering]

AH, JOHNNY!

JOHNNY!

YOU WILL TAKE ME TO HIM,
WON'T YOU? YOU'VE GOT TO.

I SIMPLY WON'T TAKE
"NO" FOR AN ANSWER.

I'LL JUST GET MY WRAP AND BE
BACK IN TWO SHAKES OF A LAMB'S TAIL.

HEY, LISTEN. HOLD ON, SWEETIE. LOOK,
LOOK. I'M GONNA RUN AND GET SOME ROSES,

AND SOME CIGARETTES AND A QUART OF GIN,
AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK FOR YOU, ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, KID.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SPELL IT OUT FOR ME.

I WASN'T BORN
YESTERDAY, YOU KNOW.

HEY. HERE'S FIVE DOLLARS.

GO GET YOU SOMETHING PRETTY.

THAT'S RIGHT, KID.
GO ON WITHOUT ME.

IT'S BETTER THAT WAY.
I'LL ONLY SLOW YOU DOWN.

BUT GIVE A MESSAGE
TO JOHNNY FOR ME.

TELL HIM I LOVE HIM. TELL
HIM I'LL WAIT RIGHT HERE.

I'D WAIT A THOUSAND YEARS.

OH, JOHNNY.

I'D WAIT FOREVER FOR YOU.

[] CABLE ACCESS CHANNEL 96...

PRESENTS MEN ON FOOTBALL.

HELLO! I'M BLAYNE EDWARDS.
AND I'M ANTOINE MERRYWETHER.

[Together] AND WELCOME
TO MEN ON FOOTBALL.

THE SHOW THAT LOOKS AT
FOOTBALL FROM A MALE POINT OF VIEW.

THAT'S RIGHT. TONIGHT
WE'RE LIVE AND UNCENSORED.

THAT'S RIGHT, NAKED TO
THE WORLD. PEEKABOO!

PLEASE, STOP.

DO YOU KNOW WE
HAVE A NEW SPONSOR?

WILSON SPORTING GOODS...

THE OFFICIAL BALLS OF THE NFL.

I AIN'T SAID A WORD.

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE
WERE VERY SURPRISED TO HEAR...

THAT WE WAS DOING A
SPECIAL FOOTBALL SHOW.

BUT WE'VE BEEN FANS OF
FOOTBALL FOR MANY YEARS.

I MEAN, WHAT OTHER GAME BOASTS
SUCH GREAT NAMES LIKE DICK BUTKUS?

OR MY FAVORITE, BOB GRIESE.

NOW, ISN'T HE A
TIGHT END? HE WAS.

STILL, THERE'S A LOT
OF THINGS ABOUT THIS

GAME THAT COULD BE
BETTER, LIKE THE UNIFORMS.

[Together] HATED 'EM.

FOR INSTANCE, YOU KNOW, I WAS
SO DISAPPOINTED WHEN I FOUND OUT...

THAT THOSE NUMBERS ON THE BACK,
THEY WERE JUST FOR IDENTIFICATION.

OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
THE SMALLEST ONE I SAW WAS 11.

AND THEN I SAW ONE THAT
SAID 78. CHILD, I ALMOST FAINTED.

[Giggles]

YOU NEED TO STOP.

AND YOU KNOW, I FOUND THAT THOSE PADDED
SHOULDERS WERE JUST TOO JOAN CRAWFORD.

MM-HMM. AND SPEAKING
OF OLD FISH... MM-HMM.

WHAT ABOUT THOSE CHEERLEADERS?

[Together] HATED 'EM.

I MEAN, WHAT GOOD ARE THEY?
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THESE ARE MENS...

WHO JUST LOOK AT EACH OTHERS FOR THEY
"STRUNGTH" AND INSPIRATION TO DO THEY BEST,

NOT SOME SCALLOP
ON THE SIDELINES.

FUFF!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
THEY BRING 'EM IN. MM-HMM.

AND WHAT ABOUT THIS
MATCHUP TODAY, THE

BUFFALO BILLS AGAINST
THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS?

OH, YES! IT'S LIKE PLAYING
COWBOYS AND INDIANS.

[War Whoop]

WELL, TIE ME UP AND SCALP ME,
BUT I'D BE A LOT MORE ENTERTAINED...

IF THEY WERE PLAYING WITH
THE OILERS AND PACKERS.

THAT'S A THOUGHT. [Chuckles]

NOW, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLAY OF
THE GAME, 'TOINE? WELL, TO BE TRUTHFUL,

MM-HMM? FOR ME NOTHING BEATS...

THAT "RESQUISITE"
MOMENT OF TENSION...

RIGHT BEFORE THE PLAY BEGIN,

AS THE MUSCULAR, SWEATY FOOTBALL
MENS GET DOWN ON THAT LINE OF SCRIMMAGE.

THERE THEY IS,
EYEBALL TO EYEBALL.

THEY BREATHS IS COMIN' OUT LIKE
STEAM FROM A BIG BULL'S NOSTRILS.

I JUST GOT THREE WORDS
TO DESCRIBE IT... DE-LI-CIOUS.

I'M THROUGH.

UH-OH, I THINK I
JUST SPRUNG A LEAK.

AND SPEAKING OF FOOTBALL, LET'S
BRING BACK THAT JOE NAMATH. MM-HMM.

I'LL NEVER FORGET THE TIME WHEN HE PUT ON
THOSE PANTY HOSE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION.

IT MUST HAVE TAKEN SO MUCH COURAGE
FOR HIM TO COME OUT AND SAY, "THIS IS ME.

THIS IS WHO I AM. CALL
ME BROADWAY JOE,

'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I
DO IT... THE 'BROAD' WAY."

[Blows Whistle] TIME OUT.

NOW, YOU GOT TO REVERSE THAT
CALL. JOE NAMATH IS MARRIED. HELLO!

NOW, I'M VERY CONFUSED
ABOUT THIS PART OF THE GAME.

NOW, BLAYNE, WE ALL KNOW WHAT A
RED FLAG IN THE RIGHT POCKET MEANS.

MM-HMM. BUT WHAT DOES A YELLOW
FLAG IN THE LEFT POCKET MEAN?

OH, I THINK THOSE ARE THE
WIDE RECEIVERS. MM-HMM.

BUT THERE'S SO MUCH ABOUT THIS
GAME THAT'S SO CONFUSING. MM-HMM.

FOR INSTANCE, WHY DO THEY STOP A PLAY
WHEN THERE'S TOO MANY MENS ON THE FIELD?

TO ME, THAT'S PARTY
TIME. BECAUSE, BLAYNE,

TOO MANY MENS, THAT'S
AN ILLEGAL FORMATION.

WELL, IF LOVE IS WRONG,
THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT.

OH, YOU DON'T KNOW THE
FIRST THING ABOUT FOOTBALL.

AND YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST
THING ABOUT LOTION. SO ANYWAYS...

OH, YOU ABOUT TO SERIOUSLY
WORK MY LAST GOOD NERVE, AIN'T YOU?

DON'T GET MAD, 'TOINE.

IS THAT ALL YOU? [Giggles]

YOU CAN SHOW ME HOW TO
PLAY. TEACH ME. GO AHEAD.

OKAY. YOU HAVE A BALL? I
THINK I HAVE ONE RIGHT HERE.

COME ON.

NOW... I THINK I PLAYED
THIS ONE BEFORE.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY "HIKE" AND TAKE
THE LITTLE, BLUE BALL AND START RUNNING.

BUT ISN'T THAT GONNA HURT YOU?

TAKE THE BALL, SILLY.
GO AHEAD. SAY, "HIKE."

[Both Squealing]

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. WHERE'S
ALL THE MENS THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CHASE ME?

I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME.

WELL, THAT'S OUR SHOW FOR
THIS WEEK. BUT BEFORE WE GO,

WE'D LIKE TO SALUTE
ALL THE MENS PLAYING THE

SUPER BOWL WITH OUR
SPECIAL SUPER BOWL SNAP.

[Together] TWO SNAPS AND
YOUR BACKFIELD IN MOTION.

GOOD-BYE! GOOD NIGHT.

♪ IT'S RAINING MEN HALLELUJAH ♪♪

HEY, MAN, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THIS BLIND DATE THING, MAN.

OH, MAN, DON'T BAIL OUT ON ME
NOW, MAN. IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

I PROMISE YOU. TONIGHT WILL BE
A NIGHT YOU WILL NEVER FORGET.

GIRL, HOW DO I LOOK? I TOLD
YOU, WANDA, YOU LOOK FINE.

OH, YOU DON'T THINK THIS
DRESS IS TOO TIGHT, DO YOU?

NO, GIRL, YOU LOOK PERFECT.
OKAY, THEN. OKAY, THEN.

COME ON. THERE THEY ARE.
PUT THE COMPACT AWAY.

GIRL, I HOPE HE AIN'T UGLY
'CAUSE I CAN'T STAND NO UGLY MAN.

NO, NO, NO. HE'S CUTE.

OH, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
NO, SHE... NO, SHE DIDN'T.

SHE DONE TRY TO
HAVE MY DRESS ON.

SHE JUST... AND UGLY.

WANDA, THAT'S NOT
NICE. THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

IF SHE UGLY, SHE JUST UGLY.
AIN'T NO IFS, ANDS OR BUTS.

WHO YOU LOOKIN' AT? COME ON.

DAMN! HEY! WAIT,
WAIT! WHOA! WHOA!

WAIT UP! WAIT UP, NOW!

THIS IS CARL. THIS IS WANDA.

CARL. WANDA.

OH. OH!

I'M... I'M SORRY.

HE IS CUTE, GIRL. I TOLD YOU.

CALM DOWN. YOU'RE SO STIFF!

WELL, YOU GONNA PULL
MY CHAIR OUT FOR ME?

YOU'RE CRAZY.

OOH! MY THROAT IS DRY.

OOH, CAN WE GET SOMETHIN'
TO DRINK OR SOMETHIN'?

BARTENDER, GIVE ME
SOME WATER. WATER?

UH, SO THIS IS REALLY
NICE. UM, WANDA,

TAMMY TELLS ME THAT
YOU WENT TO POLY "U"?

OH, OH, YEAH. THAT'S
RIGHT. FOR REAL, THOUGH.

I WAS STUDYING IN
COMMUNICATIONS.

BUT, UH, I'M TRYIN'
TO GO INTO MODELING.

INTERESTING. THAT'S INTERESTING,
SEE, 'CAUSE CARL HERE,

HE'S A PHOTOGRAPHER. OH,
FOR REAL THOUGH? FOR REAL?

WELL, YOU COULD TAKE SOME
PICTURES OF ME 'CAUSE, SEE,

MY MAMA ALWAYS SAID THAT
I WAS REAL "PHOTOGENTICAL."

AND, SEE, I WANNA TAKE
SOME OF THOSE SEXY PICTURES,

YOU KNOW, IN THEM
"LINGERAY" DRAWS. [Retches]

YOU KNOW, "LINGERAY." UH, UH,
LOOK. I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM.

GIMME YOUR KEYS, MAN! MAN, YOU
AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE, CARL. YOU OWE ME.

MAN, THE GIRL LOOKS
LIKE A DAMN JACKAL!

LOOK, DON'T START WITH ME, MAN.
YOU REMEMBER BETHESDA WILLIS?

SHE LOOKED LIKE EARNIE SHAVERS,
MAN. I WAS POPPIN' BLACKHEADS ALL NIGHT.

MAN, YOU GONNA HOLD
THAT TO ME RIGHT NOW? YES!

JUST STAY HERE TILL I
GIVE YOU THE SIGNAL.

CHILL, MAN. IS SOMETHIN' WRONG?

UH, NO, BABY, BUT...

[Whispering] I THOUGHT YOU
SAID YOUR FRIEND WAS CUTE.

WELL, I THINK SHE IS CUTE. AND, UH,
BESIDES, IT'S NOT WHAT'S ON THE OUTSIDE,

IT'S WHAT'S ON THE
INSIDE THAT COUNTS.

WELL, SOMEBODY SHOULD
FLIP HER UGLY ASS INSIDE OUT.

WHAT DID HE SAY? I
KNOW YOU NOT TRIPPIN'.

NO, NO. HE SAID... HE SAID...
I KNOW HE IS NOT TRIPPIN'.

HE SAID MAYBE Y'ALL SHOULD GET OUT ON THE
DANCE FLOOR AND TURN THIS MAMMA JAMMA OUT.

RIGHT. I HEARD YOU
ALL. LET'S GO DANCE.

COME ON. I DON'T
LIKE THE DEEJAY.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GUYS JUST TALK?
YOU KNOW, GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

I BET YOU HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
FOR REAL. FOR REAL THOUGH.

NOW, LOOK HERE, MY
LITTLE CHOCOLATE ANGEL,

HOW MIGHT A BROTHER LIKE MYSELF
GET ALL UP ON THIS FRAME OF YOURS?

WELL, JUST KEEP
SAYIN' THE RIGHT THING.

OPEN SESAME. [Laughs]

UH, DO YOU LIKE ALLIGATORS?

- I HATE 'EM.
- OH, I DON'T LIKE 'EM EITHER.

THEY SKIN SO ROUGH.

THANK YOU. DON'T BE
TRYIN' TO TALK TO ME!

HE TRIED TO TALK TO ME.
HE TRYIN' TO TALK TO ME.

YOU SEE HIM?

BETTER BE GLAD THIS AIN'T
NO LIQUOR 'CAUSE COME 12:00,

I TURN INTO A WOLF.

MUST BE A QUARTER TO 1:00.

YOU SO CRAZY! HE'S
SO CRAZY. THAT'S...

I LIKED AT YOU WHEN
I FIRST "SEENED" YOU.

YOU MY TYPE. YOU CRAZY.

LOOK, UH, I GOTTA GO
GET SOME CHAPSTICK, MAN.

OH, NO. THAT'S OKAY.
UH-UH. I GOT SOME VASELINE.

YOU GOTTA... YOU GOTTA WORK
AROUND THE SIDES AND STUFF.

LOOK, I... I GOTTA GO GET
SOME CIGARETTES, Y'ALL.

I GOTTA GO GET SOME
CIGARETTES. OH, THAT'S OKAY.

I GOT CIGARETTES TOO. YOU
AIN'T GOT TO GO NOWHERE.

UH, GOTTA GET SOME
MATCHES. OH, YOU SO SILLY.

YOU KNOW IF I GOT
CIGARETTES, I GOT MATCHES.

UH, I NEED GAS FOR MY
CAR. WHAT YOU NEED?

UNLEADED OR SUPREME?

YOU AIN'T GOT TO GO
NOWHERE. I GOT YOU.

I HAVE YOU. YOU MINE.

HEY.

WORD UP.

HEY! IT'S GETTIN' KIND OF
UGLY... UH, IT'S GETTIN' LATE.

- UH, SO, CARL. MAN, I GOTTA GET OUT...
- THE NIGHT'S JUST STARTIN'.

HEY, MAN, YOU IN
MY ASS! HEY, MAN...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

IS YOUR FRIEND ON CRACK?

NO, HE'S BEEN DIETING, YOU KNOW.

[Clears Throat]

[Clears Throat]

I'M READY TO GO.

LOOK, WANDA, WE'LL LEAVE
IN A FEW MINUTES, ALL RIGHT?

I SAID, I AM READY TO GO.

I'M GONNA CALL YOU A CAB.
YOU AIN'T GOT TO CALL ME NO CAB.

WE CAME TOGETHER, WE'LL LEAVE
TOGETHER. WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SEE, Y-YOU TRYIN' TO TRICK SOMEBODY.
YOU TRYIN' TO TRICK SOMEBODY.

BUT I KNOW ALL Y'ALL
WANNA DO IS GET HER STUFF.

WANDA... WAIT, WAIT. YOU
DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME.

LOOK, I AIN'T GOT TO
KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT YOU!

OKAY? I AIN'T GOT TO
KNOW NOTHIN' ABOUT YOU.

ALL RIGHT? DO I HAVE TO
KNOW SOMETHIN' ABOUT YOU?

- NO, MA'AM.
- LET'S GO, GIRL. LET'S GO.

UM, YOU SEE HER... GIRL,
HE AIN'T NO GOOD. LET'S GO.

I'M SORRY. GIRL, HE AIN'T
NO GOOD. LET'S JUST GO.

HERE MY NUMBER. CALL ME.

I'LL ROCK YOUR WORLD.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
THANKS FOR JOINING US,

AND WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT
WEEK, HERE, TONIGHT, WATCH US.