In Living Color (1990–1994): Season 2, Episode 23 - Compilations - full transcript
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Audience Applauding, Cheering]
[Imitating Sugar Ray Leonard]
ALL THESE GUYS ARE BUMS.
HE'LL WANNA FEEL YOU
OUT, SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
[Imitating Muhammad Ali] HE'S
GOT JUST ONE THING ON HIS MIND.
HE'S GONNA WANNA PUT YOU
ON YOUR BACK RIGHT AWAY.
[Imitating Mike Tyson] THAT'S RIGHT.
SO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO...
IS WHEN YOU'RE BOTH IN CLOSE
AND YOU'RE HOT AND SWEATY,
I WANT YOU TO THROW
IT IN HIS THIRD RIB.
YOU PUSH THAT IN THERE, IT PUSHES ALL THE
BILE OUT OF THE BODY RIGHT ONTO THE FLOOR.
BUT, DADS, IT'S JUST A DATE. DO
I HAVE TO WEAR THESE GLOVES?
OH, DARLIN', BUT IT GOES SO NICE
WITH THE MOUTHPIECE WE GOT YOU.
[Announcer] AT FIRST, THERE
WAS THREE CHAMPS AND A BABY.
NOW, TOUCH-TONE
PICTURES PRESENTS:
NOW, REMEMBER, NO
CONTACT BELOW THE BELT.
THAT'S RIGHT. LET'S
GET THESE UP THERE.
OH, DAD. NOW, DO YOU
REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YA?
- NO, DAD.
- WELL, NEITHER DO I,
BUT JUST IN CASE...
HE MAY BE PRETTY.
HE MAY HAVE ZITS.
WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T LET HIM TOUCH, UH,
LIKE A BEE.
THANKS, DAD.
YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK
PRETTY ECSTATIC, DARLIN'.
THANKS. OH, I THINK I MIGHT
NEED SOME MONEY, DAD.
OH, THAT'S FINE. ALL
PRETTY GIRLS NEED MONEY.
HOW MUCH YOU NEED,
DARLIN'? 10, 20, 30,000?
HERE. TAKE IT ALL. HERE.
TAKE THE WATCH. OH.
TAKE THE DEED TO
THE HOUSE. TAKE IT ALL.
JUST GET YOUR BALDHEADED
MOTHER AWAY FROM ME!
MIKE! MIKE! MICHAEL! MICHAEL!
IT'S OVER NOW. OHHH.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
I HAD A LITHIUM
FLASHBACK. I'M ALL RIGHT.
IT'S OKAY, DAD. NO, DARLIN'.
THAT WAS PRETTY LUDICROUS.
HEY, "LUDICROUS."
THAT'S A PRETTY BIG WORD.
[Chuckles] YEAH.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST
TIME I FELL IN LOVE.
IT WAS RIGHT AFTER A BIG FIGHT.
I LOOKED DOWN AND SAW
ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
EYES I'VE EVER SEEN,
AND IT WINKED AT ME.
THEN I PICKED IT UP AND
PUT IT BACK IN ITS SOCKET.
HEY. YOU KNOW, I
REMEMBER MY FIRST DATE.
- [Together] YOU DO?
- NO, I DON'T.
WELL, ANYWAY,
DARLIN', JUST REMEMBER,
IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS,
JUST CALL THE HOUSE.
I'LL HOP IN THE MERCEDES.
I'LL DRIVE RIGHT...
NO! NO! NO, NO!
[Fight Bell Clangs]
DAD! DOORBELL. [Giggles]
THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY,
ALI. PRETTY FUNNY.
[Giggling]
DAD, DAD, DAD,
THIS IS MY DATE,
GERRY COONEY, JR.
YEAH. HOW YOU DOING, KID?
- OH, GEEZ!
- LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON.
GERRY COONEY. EASY, EASY, EASY.
EASY. PUT YOUR ARM OVER
HERE. PUT YOUR ARM AROUND HIM.
THERE YOU GO. ALL RIGHT.
GOOD-BYE, YOUNG PEOPLE. HAVE
A GOOD TIME. GOOD-BYE, DADS.
YOU KIDS HAVE FUN. OKAY.
HAVE FUN. SAY HELLO
TO YOUR DAD FOR ME.
GEEZ. BOY, HER FIRST DATE, GUYS.
MM. I DON'T KNOW IF I'M
ECSTATIC OR LUDICROUS.
WHY DON'T WE JUST FIGHT
ANOTHER ROUND, MIKE?
ALL RIGHT. I TELL YOU WHAT, YOU GUESS
WHO I AM THIS TIME, ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. CHECK IT OUT NOW. WE'RE
IN THE SECOND ROUND, ALL RIGHT?
HIT ME WITH A RIGHT
HAND REAL SOFT. BOOM!
I'M DOWN. "HEY!
WHERE'S MY $22 MILLION?"
BUSTER DOUGLAS!
[Giggling] THAT'S RIGHT!
[Announcer] THREE
CHAMPS AND A LITTLE LADY.
COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
[Man] KYYT NOW PRESENTS A MINORITY
AFFAIRS PROGRAM, BLACK LIKE YOU.
HERE ARE YOUR
HOSTS, TOM AND TOM,
THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
[Applause]
ALL RIGHTY! WHY, THANK YOU.
HOW ARE YA? I'M TOM. HOWDY.
WE'RE DELIGHTED TO HOST
THIS VERY WORTHWHILE SHOW.
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
TOM? THAT'S RIGHT, TOM.
IN FACT, WE'VE WRITTEN A VERY
SPECIAL SONG JUST FOR THIS SHOW.
WELL, LET'S KICK IT OFF,
BROTHER. SHALL WE?
♪ PROBLEMS AND BLACKS
SEEM TO GO HAND IN HAND ♪
♪ WHEREVER THEY ROAM
IN THIS GLORIOUS LAND ♪
♪ WE'LL HELP THEM WITH CUSTOMS
WE'LL HELP THEM WITH LAWS ♪
♪ AND WE'LL TRY TO SOLVE ALL
THE PROBLEMS THEY CAUSE ♪♪
ALL RIGHTY. [Cheering]
[Laughs] OH, STOP IT. STOP IT!
ALL RIGHTY. WELL, LET'S
GET STARTED, SHALL WE?
YES, WE CERTAINLY SHALL.
TODAY'S GUEST IS A YOUNG
MAN WHO SAYS HE WAS
SENT TO PRISON FOR A
CRIME HE DIDN'T COMMIT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WELL, LET'S MEET HIM ANYWAY.
SAY HELLO TO MR. RAJEEM CARTER.
COME ON OUT, RAJEEM.
WHAT'S HAPPENING, BROTHERS?
IS THAT SOME SORT OF
KARATE MOVE THERE?
WELL, WHAT'S HAPPENING
IS WE'RE DOING A SHOW.
SO, I MEAN, LET'S JUST CUT
RIGHT TO THE CHASE, RAJ.
RIGHT TO IT. YEAH.
WHAT IS YOUR BEEF?
ALL RIGHT, FIRST OF ALL, I
WANT TO SAY HOW GLAD I AM...
THAT THERE'S FINALLY A SHOW WHERE
WE BROTHERS CAN DISCUSS THINGS.
OH, YOUR BROTHER'S HERE? WHERE'S
YOUR BROTHER? BRING YOUR BROTHER OUT.
COME ON OUT HERE. I
DIDN'T SEE HIM BACKSTAGE.
YO, YO, MAN, YO! I'M TALKING
ABOUT US THREE BROTHERS.
I THINK YOU'RE KIND OF CONFUSED.
WE'RE THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
YOU'RE A BLACK GUY WHO CAME
TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING.
MAN, I'M NOT HERE
COMPLAINING, SEE.
I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW
HOW THE MAN SCREWED ME UP.
THE MAN? WHAT MAN?
THE MAN? WHAT MAN?
YOU KNOW, THE MAN...
MR. CHARLIE, BOBO.
HIS LEGAL SYSTEM HAS
RAILROADED ME, BROTHER.
WELL, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.
MR. CHARLIE BOBO'S LEGAL FIRM...
HARDLY SOUNDS LIKE A
REPUTABLE ONE TO ME.
I MEAN, NEVER TRUST A MAN
WITH THE LAST NAME "BOBO."
I MEAN, WOULD YOU BUY
A HOME FROM LOUIE BOBO?
I SURE WOULDN'T. [Laughing]
SAY WHAT?
WHAT. WHAT.
Y'ALL DON'T EVEN
UNDERSTAND, MAN.
THE POLICE ARRESTED
ME FOR NO REASON.
COME ON! OH, COME ON.
THE POLICE DON'T DO THAT.
THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS. THEY'RE
HERE TO PROTECT AND SERVE.
WELL, MY FRIENDS DRAGGED
ME OUT MY CRIB BUTT NAKED.
WELL, GOSH DARN IT, WHAT
THE HECK WERE YOU DOING...
BUTT NAKED IN THE BABY'S CRIB?
MAN, DON'T Y'ALL UNDERSTAND? MAN,
I WENT TO PRISON FOR EIGHT YEARS,
AND THE ONLY THING I LEARNED
WAS HOW TO RESOLE SHOES.
WELL, GOSH DARN IT, YOU SHOULD BE
DARN HAPPY THAT YOU LEARNED A TRADE.
YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN'. A TRADE?
MAN, NOBODY WANTS TO GET
THEIR SHOES RESOLED ANYMORE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE. WELL, HECK,
I'VE GOT A FEW PAIR BACKSTAGE.
YOU CAN START ON THEM
RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW.
YOU CAN EVEN SHINE 'EM FOR ME.
[Brothers Laughing]
SHINE SHOES? NOW, WHAT
KIND OF A TOM DO YOU THINK I AM?
THERE YOU GO AGAIN. I THINK
HE'S CONFUSED. WE'RE THE TOMS.
YOU'RE THE ANGRY
BLACK GUY. RIGHT.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. YOU'RE
THE BIGGEST TOMS I EVER SEEN.
WHY, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'VE BEEN WORKING
OUT A LITTLE AT THE GYM.
WELL, ACTUALLY, TOM BROKAW
IS BIGGER THAN US. YEAH, HE IS.
I GUESS IT'S OBVIOUS. Y'ALL GUYS,
YOU CAN'T RELATE TO THIS AT ALL.
MAN, I SUFFERED IN THE JOINT.
HEY, HEY, HEY! YOU DON'T GIVE US
THAT DOOHICKEY NONSENSE, MISTER.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'LL SAY "DOOHICKEY"
AGAIN... HEY, TOM, TAKE IT EASY.
'CAUSE I'M OUTRAGED!
DOOHICKEY, DARN IT, HECK!
NOW, I WANT YOU TO
KNOW SUFFERING, MISTER.
WHEN YOU TALK TO TOM AND
TOM, WE KNOW SUFFERING.
TELL HIM ABOUT THE
TIME IN TAHOE, MISTER.
WE FLEW TO TAHOE FOR A
WORK ENGAGEMENT, MIND YOU.
WE HAD RESERVATIONS, A
CONFIRMATION NUMBER AND GOT THERE,
AND ONLY ONE OF OUR
ROOMS WERE AVAILABLE.
WE HAD TO SHARE IT.
AND NEEDLESS TO SAY...
THAT WE WERE PRETTY
UPSET BEHIND THAT.
I HAD TO CALL MY MOM.
LUCKY IT WAS A SUITE, HUH?
Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS, DO YOU?
SURE I DO. 7:25.
SURE I DO. 7:25.
I GUESS YOU'RE ON C.P. TIME.
[Laughing] CAN WE
GET AWAY WITH THAT?
SO I SUPPOSE Y'ALL THINK I'M SUPPOSED
TO JUST MOVE OUT INTO THE SUBURBS, MAN,
GET A NOSE JOB, MARRY
SOME WHITE WOMAN,
BUY A BMW AND JUST
TOTALLY SELL OUT, RIGHT?
THAT'S THE SPIRIT! YEAH. MAYBE
YOU WANT TO PUT A BRIM ON THAT HAT.
FORGET Y'ALL!
WELL, I GUESS WE SHOWED HIM HOW TO
LOOK AT THINGS ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE.
I THINK WE CERTAINLY HAVE.
TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE SING A
SONG ABOUT IT? ALL RIGHTY, BROTHER.
AND YOU KNOW I MEAN FRATERNAL.
♪ WHEN YOU'RE IN
TROUBLE JUST CALL 911 ♪
♪ AND RIGHT TO YOUR
DOORSTEP THE POLICE WILL RUN ♪
♪ BUT IF THEY SHOULD CUFF
YOU AND GIVE YOU A SMACK ♪
♪ IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE GUILTY ♪
♪ NOT 'CAUSE YOU'RE BLACK ♪♪
GOOD-BYE. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
BABALOO!
[Ets]
[All Murmuring]
GREETINGS.
I'M MARGARET LINSFORD-HALL, AND
THIS IS MY INTERPRETER MR. MBUTU.
[Interpreting In Naganawanese]
MARGARET LINSFORD-HALL...
BUNG-TANGA-NDOSILLEH!
PRESIDENT BUSH HAS SEEN FIT
TO APPOINT ME AMBASSADOR...
TO YOUR LITTLE NATION...
RATHER THAN SENDING ME TO
MAJORCA, AS I HAD EXPECTED.
[Translating]
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT, BASED
ON THE BRIEFING I RECEIVED IN WASHINGTON,
BUT I FIND YOUR LITTLE
COUNTRY REALLY RATHER QUAINT,
IN A THIRD WORLD SORT OF WAY.
[Chattering, Laughing]
UH, WE HAVE MUCH TO
OFFER YOUR COUNTRY...
IN TERMS OF AGRICULTURAL
ASSISTANCE AND HUNGER RELIEF.
[Murmuring, Groaning]
I-I'M VERY SORRY THAT I
DON'T SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE,
BUT MR. MBUTU HAS BEEN SO KIND AS
TO TEACH ME A PHRASE TO CLOSE WITH.
UM... [Speaking Naganawanese]
JUM-BAKOO, BARE BOOTY...
CUM BWEE-BWEE... [Clicks Tongue]
UH, BANGO-BANGO.
[Shouting, Cheering]
♪♪ [Hip Hop]
YO, YO, YO! WELCOME TO THE
HOMEBOY NO-MONEY-DOWN SEMINAR.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE GONNA
TEACH YOU HOW TO GET PAID...
WITH ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY DOWN.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M
WILLIS, 'DIS DA ICEMAN.
CHILLIN'! YO, OUR
SECRET TO SUCCESS...
IS RIGHT HERE IN OUR
NEW LITTLE BOOKLET,
HOW TO MAKE MO' MONEY
WITHOUT USING YO' MONEY.
MIGHT WELL YOU ASK,
"WHOSE MONEY SHOULD I USE?"
WHO GOT MORE MONEY THEN
THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH?
THE GUB-MENT. THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IN PART ONE OF OUR BOOKLET,
WE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE
THAT MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT.
FOR EXAMPLE, DID YOU KNOW...
THAT FOOD STAMPS CANNOT BE
USED TO BUY ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES?
HMM. BUT HOW COULD I USE THAT
KNOWLEDGE TO WORK FOR ME?
I'M GLAD THAT YOU ASKED.
LET'S LOOK AT THE CHART.
I GO INTO A STORE AND PURCHASE A
PACK OF BEER FOR, LET'S SAY, $3.99.
OR EVEN LESS, DEPENDING
ON THE SECURITY SYSTEM.
AND I TRADE IT TO SOME
UNSCRUPULOUS INDIVIDUAL,
SUCH AS THIS MAN RIGHT HERE.
FOR, LET'S SAY, $40-50
WORTH OF FOOD STAMPS.
UH-HUH. NOW, HE'S EASY TO FIND.
HE MIGHT EVEN BE IN YOUR FAMILY.
AND I TAKE THAT MONEY, AND I FIND
A LITTLE FAT LADY NAMED LAQUITA...
WITH ABOUT 15 CHILDREN,
AND I TRADE IT TO HER FOR $25.
WHAT DOES THAT EQUAL?
YO, HERE GOES ONE OF
OUR MANY SUCCESS STORIES.
ANTON "BOOM BOOM" GENO.
$45,000 IN THREE WEEKS.
LUTHER "BIG HEAD" JONES.
$123,000 IN SIX MONTHS.
YO, OUR MO' MONEY SEMINAR...
WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO GET
OVER LIKE ROVER THE CASANOVA.
THAT'S RIGHT. AND IN PART THREE,
WE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW
TO DRESS FOR SUCCESS.
LIKE, CHECK OUT
MY MAN WILLIS HERE.
I KNOW YOU'RE SAYING HE
LOOKS PRETTY FLY LIKE IT IS,
BUT ADD THIS LITTLE
ACCESSORY RIGHT HERE...
NOW HE'S GOT A LOOK THAT MOST
BUSINESSMEN JUST CAN'T SEEM TO SAY "NO" TO.
THAT'S RIGHT. BUT
WAIT. HOL-HOL-HOLD ON.
YOU SAY, "YO, HOMEBOY." WHAT?
"YO, HOMEBOY." "WHAT?"
YOU DRIVE A BIG
MERCEDES. YES, I DO.
HOW CAN I DRIVE A BIG,
CRAZY MERCEDES TOO?
WELL, THAT'S EASY.
IF YOU ACT NOW,
WE GONNA SEND YOU OUR
EXCLUSIVE MO' MONEY VALET KIT.
YOU JUST FIND YOURSELF
A NICE, FANCY RESTAURANT,
STAND IN FRONT, THROW
ON THIS RED JACKET,
HOLD UP THIS HERE SIGN,
AND YOU'LL BE AMAZED AT HOW
MANY PEOPLE JUST WALK UP...
AND GIVE YOU A LUXURY CAR.
YO, SOME OF THEM WILL EVEN TIP
YOU BEFORE TURNING OVER THE KEYS.
[Pounding] [Man] FBI!
OPEN UP IN THERE!
YO. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS. WE'RE MOVING LOCATIONS.
THAT'S RIGHT. YO, PEOPLE
ARE JUST BANGING ON
THE DOORS TRYING TO
GET INTO ON OUR SEMINARS.
SO JUST SEND $50 TO THE
HOMEBOYS CARE OF THIS STATION.
SEE YOU NEXT TIME. PEACE.
[Pounding Continues]
[Audience Cheering] THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
TAKIN' US HOME TONIGHT...
ON THE JMJ LABEL...
THE AFROS.
[Woman] YEAH! ♪♪ [Reverb]
♪♪ [Reggae]
SPECIAL REQUEST TO ALL THE
PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD. YES!
BLACK, PURPLE AND
GREEN, BOY AND GIRL.
THIS STYLE OUR "RUDE BOY" STYLE.
LOVE AND UNITY WE
ARE NEEDIN' FOR THE '90s.
YOU NO SEE? DO IT, STAR!
♪ HURRICANE AND KOOT TEE... AND
THE ONE NAMED JAH EASY DO IT ♪
♪ SO YOU'RE MAD AND
DEPRESSED ABOUT LIFE ♪
♪ YOU WANNA... ♪ ♪ YOU WANNA
SMACK YOUR KIDS AND SHOOT YOUR WIFE ♪
♪ WELL, THAT'S THE WRONG
WAY TO GO ♪ ♪ AND, HEY, YO ♪
♪ WHEN IT HAPPENS, DON'T
SAY WE DIDN'T TELL YA SO ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IT'S AN ACTUAL FACT ♪
♪ THAT THOSE THAT RIDE THE
WRONG TRACK NEVER COME BACK ♪
♪ SO IF YOU'RE FEELIN' SAD AND
BLUE ♪ ♪ YO, THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪
♪ THIS JAM THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪
♪ THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪
♪ THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪
♪ THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
KNOWING PREJUDICE WAS OBSOLETE ♪
♪ AND ALL MANKIND
DANCED TO THE EXACT BEAT ♪
♪ AND AT NIGHT IT WAS SAFE TO WALK
DOWN THE STREET ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE
IS EQUALLY KIND ♪
♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY
EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪
♪ EVERYBODY HERE IS EQUALLY
KIND ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ WHAT'S MINE IS YOURS
AND WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE ♪
♪ IN LIVING C-C-C-OLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN' ♪
♪ YOU CAN WALK ON THE
MOON FLOAT LIKE A BALLOON ♪
♪ YOU SEE, IT'S NEVER TOO
LATE AND IT'S NEVER TOO SOON ♪
♪ TAKE IT FROM ME IT'S A'IGHT
TO BE ♪ ♪ IN LIVING COLOR ♪
♪ YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU
WANNA DO IN LIVING COLOR ♪♪
[Audience Applauding, Cheering]
[Imitating Sugar Ray Leonard]
ALL THESE GUYS ARE BUMS.
HE'LL WANNA FEEL YOU
OUT, SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
[Imitating Muhammad Ali] HE'S
GOT JUST ONE THING ON HIS MIND.
HE'S GONNA WANNA PUT YOU
ON YOUR BACK RIGHT AWAY.
[Imitating Mike Tyson] THAT'S RIGHT.
SO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO...
IS WHEN YOU'RE BOTH IN CLOSE
AND YOU'RE HOT AND SWEATY,
I WANT YOU TO THROW
IT IN HIS THIRD RIB.
YOU PUSH THAT IN THERE, IT PUSHES ALL THE
BILE OUT OF THE BODY RIGHT ONTO THE FLOOR.
BUT, DADS, IT'S JUST A DATE. DO
I HAVE TO WEAR THESE GLOVES?
OH, DARLIN', BUT IT GOES SO NICE
WITH THE MOUTHPIECE WE GOT YOU.
[Announcer] AT FIRST, THERE
WAS THREE CHAMPS AND A BABY.
NOW, TOUCH-TONE
PICTURES PRESENTS:
NOW, REMEMBER, NO
CONTACT BELOW THE BELT.
THAT'S RIGHT. LET'S
GET THESE UP THERE.
OH, DAD. NOW, DO YOU
REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YA?
- NO, DAD.
- WELL, NEITHER DO I,
BUT JUST IN CASE...
HE MAY BE PRETTY.
HE MAY HAVE ZITS.
WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T LET HIM TOUCH, UH,
LIKE A BEE.
THANKS, DAD.
YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK
PRETTY ECSTATIC, DARLIN'.
THANKS. OH, I THINK I MIGHT
NEED SOME MONEY, DAD.
OH, THAT'S FINE. ALL
PRETTY GIRLS NEED MONEY.
HOW MUCH YOU NEED,
DARLIN'? 10, 20, 30,000?
HERE. TAKE IT ALL. HERE.
TAKE THE WATCH. OH.
TAKE THE DEED TO
THE HOUSE. TAKE IT ALL.
JUST GET YOUR BALDHEADED
MOTHER AWAY FROM ME!
MIKE! MIKE! MICHAEL! MICHAEL!
IT'S OVER NOW. OHHH.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
I HAD A LITHIUM
FLASHBACK. I'M ALL RIGHT.
IT'S OKAY, DAD. NO, DARLIN'.
THAT WAS PRETTY LUDICROUS.
HEY, "LUDICROUS."
THAT'S A PRETTY BIG WORD.
[Chuckles] YEAH.
I REMEMBER THE FIRST
TIME I FELL IN LOVE.
IT WAS RIGHT AFTER A BIG FIGHT.
I LOOKED DOWN AND SAW
ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
EYES I'VE EVER SEEN,
AND IT WINKED AT ME.
THEN I PICKED IT UP AND
PUT IT BACK IN ITS SOCKET.
HEY. YOU KNOW, I
REMEMBER MY FIRST DATE.
- [Together] YOU DO?
- NO, I DON'T.
WELL, ANYWAY,
DARLIN', JUST REMEMBER,
IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS,
JUST CALL THE HOUSE.
I'LL HOP IN THE MERCEDES.
I'LL DRIVE RIGHT...
NO! NO! NO, NO!
[Fight Bell Clangs]
DAD! DOORBELL. [Giggles]
THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY,
ALI. PRETTY FUNNY.
[Giggling]
DAD, DAD, DAD,
THIS IS MY DATE,
GERRY COONEY, JR.
YEAH. HOW YOU DOING, KID?
- OH, GEEZ!
- LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON.
GERRY COONEY. EASY, EASY, EASY.
EASY. PUT YOUR ARM OVER
HERE. PUT YOUR ARM AROUND HIM.
THERE YOU GO. ALL RIGHT.
GOOD-BYE, YOUNG PEOPLE. HAVE
A GOOD TIME. GOOD-BYE, DADS.
YOU KIDS HAVE FUN. OKAY.
HAVE FUN. SAY HELLO
TO YOUR DAD FOR ME.
GEEZ. BOY, HER FIRST DATE, GUYS.
MM. I DON'T KNOW IF I'M
ECSTATIC OR LUDICROUS.
WHY DON'T WE JUST FIGHT
ANOTHER ROUND, MIKE?
ALL RIGHT. I TELL YOU WHAT, YOU GUESS
WHO I AM THIS TIME, ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. CHECK IT OUT NOW. WE'RE
IN THE SECOND ROUND, ALL RIGHT?
HIT ME WITH A RIGHT
HAND REAL SOFT. BOOM!
I'M DOWN. "HEY!
WHERE'S MY $22 MILLION?"
BUSTER DOUGLAS!
[Giggling] THAT'S RIGHT!
[Announcer] THREE
CHAMPS AND A LITTLE LADY.
COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
[Man] KYYT NOW PRESENTS A MINORITY
AFFAIRS PROGRAM, BLACK LIKE YOU.
HERE ARE YOUR
HOSTS, TOM AND TOM,
THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
[Applause]
ALL RIGHTY! WHY, THANK YOU.
HOW ARE YA? I'M TOM. HOWDY.
WE'RE DELIGHTED TO HOST
THIS VERY WORTHWHILE SHOW.
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
TOM? THAT'S RIGHT, TOM.
IN FACT, WE'VE WRITTEN A VERY
SPECIAL SONG JUST FOR THIS SHOW.
WELL, LET'S KICK IT OFF,
BROTHER. SHALL WE?
♪ PROBLEMS AND BLACKS
SEEM TO GO HAND IN HAND ♪
♪ WHEREVER THEY ROAM
IN THIS GLORIOUS LAND ♪
♪ WE'LL HELP THEM WITH CUSTOMS
WE'LL HELP THEM WITH LAWS ♪
♪ AND WE'LL TRY TO SOLVE ALL
THE PROBLEMS THEY CAUSE ♪♪
ALL RIGHTY. [Cheering]
[Laughs] OH, STOP IT. STOP IT!
ALL RIGHTY. WELL, LET'S
GET STARTED, SHALL WE?
YES, WE CERTAINLY SHALL.
TODAY'S GUEST IS A YOUNG
MAN WHO SAYS HE WAS
SENT TO PRISON FOR A
CRIME HE DIDN'T COMMIT.
YEAH, RIGHT.
WELL, LET'S MEET HIM ANYWAY.
SAY HELLO TO MR. RAJEEM CARTER.
COME ON OUT, RAJEEM.
WHAT'S HAPPENING, BROTHERS?
IS THAT SOME SORT OF
KARATE MOVE THERE?
WELL, WHAT'S HAPPENING
IS WE'RE DOING A SHOW.
SO, I MEAN, LET'S JUST CUT
RIGHT TO THE CHASE, RAJ.
RIGHT TO IT. YEAH.
WHAT IS YOUR BEEF?
ALL RIGHT, FIRST OF ALL, I
WANT TO SAY HOW GLAD I AM...
THAT THERE'S FINALLY A SHOW WHERE
WE BROTHERS CAN DISCUSS THINGS.
OH, YOUR BROTHER'S HERE? WHERE'S
YOUR BROTHER? BRING YOUR BROTHER OUT.
COME ON OUT HERE. I
DIDN'T SEE HIM BACKSTAGE.
YO, YO, MAN, YO! I'M TALKING
ABOUT US THREE BROTHERS.
I THINK YOU'RE KIND OF CONFUSED.
WE'RE THE BROTHERS BROTHERS.
YOU'RE A BLACK GUY WHO CAME
TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING.
MAN, I'M NOT HERE
COMPLAINING, SEE.
I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW
HOW THE MAN SCREWED ME UP.
THE MAN? WHAT MAN?
THE MAN? WHAT MAN?
YOU KNOW, THE MAN...
MR. CHARLIE, BOBO.
HIS LEGAL SYSTEM HAS
RAILROADED ME, BROTHER.
WELL, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.
MR. CHARLIE BOBO'S LEGAL FIRM...
HARDLY SOUNDS LIKE A
REPUTABLE ONE TO ME.
I MEAN, NEVER TRUST A MAN
WITH THE LAST NAME "BOBO."
I MEAN, WOULD YOU BUY
A HOME FROM LOUIE BOBO?
I SURE WOULDN'T. [Laughing]
SAY WHAT?
WHAT. WHAT.
Y'ALL DON'T EVEN
UNDERSTAND, MAN.
THE POLICE ARRESTED
ME FOR NO REASON.
COME ON! OH, COME ON.
THE POLICE DON'T DO THAT.
THEY'RE YOUR FRIENDS. THEY'RE
HERE TO PROTECT AND SERVE.
WELL, MY FRIENDS DRAGGED
ME OUT MY CRIB BUTT NAKED.
WELL, GOSH DARN IT, WHAT
THE HECK WERE YOU DOING...
BUTT NAKED IN THE BABY'S CRIB?
MAN, DON'T Y'ALL UNDERSTAND? MAN,
I WENT TO PRISON FOR EIGHT YEARS,
AND THE ONLY THING I LEARNED
WAS HOW TO RESOLE SHOES.
WELL, GOSH DARN IT, YOU SHOULD BE
DARN HAPPY THAT YOU LEARNED A TRADE.
YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN'. A TRADE?
MAN, NOBODY WANTS TO GET
THEIR SHOES RESOLED ANYMORE.
THAT'S NOT TRUE. WELL, HECK,
I'VE GOT A FEW PAIR BACKSTAGE.
YOU CAN START ON THEM
RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW.
YOU CAN EVEN SHINE 'EM FOR ME.
[Brothers Laughing]
SHINE SHOES? NOW, WHAT
KIND OF A TOM DO YOU THINK I AM?
THERE YOU GO AGAIN. I THINK
HE'S CONFUSED. WE'RE THE TOMS.
YOU'RE THE ANGRY
BLACK GUY. RIGHT.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. YOU'RE
THE BIGGEST TOMS I EVER SEEN.
WHY, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'VE BEEN WORKING
OUT A LITTLE AT THE GYM.
WELL, ACTUALLY, TOM BROKAW
IS BIGGER THAN US. YEAH, HE IS.
I GUESS IT'S OBVIOUS. Y'ALL GUYS,
YOU CAN'T RELATE TO THIS AT ALL.
MAN, I SUFFERED IN THE JOINT.
HEY, HEY, HEY! YOU DON'T GIVE US
THAT DOOHICKEY NONSENSE, MISTER.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'LL SAY "DOOHICKEY"
AGAIN... HEY, TOM, TAKE IT EASY.
'CAUSE I'M OUTRAGED!
DOOHICKEY, DARN IT, HECK!
NOW, I WANT YOU TO
KNOW SUFFERING, MISTER.
WHEN YOU TALK TO TOM AND
TOM, WE KNOW SUFFERING.
TELL HIM ABOUT THE
TIME IN TAHOE, MISTER.
WE FLEW TO TAHOE FOR A
WORK ENGAGEMENT, MIND YOU.
WE HAD RESERVATIONS, A
CONFIRMATION NUMBER AND GOT THERE,
AND ONLY ONE OF OUR
ROOMS WERE AVAILABLE.
WE HAD TO SHARE IT.
AND NEEDLESS TO SAY...
THAT WE WERE PRETTY
UPSET BEHIND THAT.
I HAD TO CALL MY MOM.
LUCKY IT WAS A SUITE, HUH?
Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS, DO YOU?
SURE I DO. 7:25.
SURE I DO. 7:25.
I GUESS YOU'RE ON C.P. TIME.
[Laughing] CAN WE
GET AWAY WITH THAT?
SO I SUPPOSE Y'ALL THINK I'M SUPPOSED
TO JUST MOVE OUT INTO THE SUBURBS, MAN,
GET A NOSE JOB, MARRY
SOME WHITE WOMAN,
BUY A BMW AND JUST
TOTALLY SELL OUT, RIGHT?
THAT'S THE SPIRIT! YEAH. MAYBE
YOU WANT TO PUT A BRIM ON THAT HAT.
FORGET Y'ALL!
WELL, I GUESS WE SHOWED HIM HOW TO
LOOK AT THINGS ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE.
I THINK WE CERTAINLY HAVE.
TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE SING A
SONG ABOUT IT? ALL RIGHTY, BROTHER.
AND YOU KNOW I MEAN FRATERNAL.
♪ WHEN YOU'RE IN
TROUBLE JUST CALL 911 ♪
♪ AND RIGHT TO YOUR
DOORSTEP THE POLICE WILL RUN ♪
♪ BUT IF THEY SHOULD CUFF
YOU AND GIVE YOU A SMACK ♪
♪ IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE GUILTY ♪
♪ NOT 'CAUSE YOU'RE BLACK ♪♪
GOOD-BYE. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
BABALOO!
[Ets]
[All Murmuring]
GREETINGS.
I'M MARGARET LINSFORD-HALL, AND
THIS IS MY INTERPRETER MR. MBUTU.
[Interpreting In Naganawanese]
MARGARET LINSFORD-HALL...
BUNG-TANGA-NDOSILLEH!
PRESIDENT BUSH HAS SEEN FIT
TO APPOINT ME AMBASSADOR...
TO YOUR LITTLE NATION...
RATHER THAN SENDING ME TO
MAJORCA, AS I HAD EXPECTED.
[Translating]
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT, BASED
ON THE BRIEFING I RECEIVED IN WASHINGTON,
BUT I FIND YOUR LITTLE
COUNTRY REALLY RATHER QUAINT,
IN A THIRD WORLD SORT OF WAY.
[Chattering, Laughing]
UH, WE HAVE MUCH TO
OFFER YOUR COUNTRY...
IN TERMS OF AGRICULTURAL
ASSISTANCE AND HUNGER RELIEF.
[Murmuring, Groaning]
I-I'M VERY SORRY THAT I
DON'T SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE,
BUT MR. MBUTU HAS BEEN SO KIND AS
TO TEACH ME A PHRASE TO CLOSE WITH.
UM... [Speaking Naganawanese]
JUM-BAKOO, BARE BOOTY...
CUM BWEE-BWEE... [Clicks Tongue]
UH, BANGO-BANGO.
[Shouting, Cheering]
♪♪ [Hip Hop]
YO, YO, YO! WELCOME TO THE
HOMEBOY NO-MONEY-DOWN SEMINAR.
THAT'S RIGHT. WE GONNA
TEACH YOU HOW TO GET PAID...
WITH ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY DOWN.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M
WILLIS, 'DIS DA ICEMAN.
CHILLIN'! YO, OUR
SECRET TO SUCCESS...
IS RIGHT HERE IN OUR
NEW LITTLE BOOKLET,
HOW TO MAKE MO' MONEY
WITHOUT USING YO' MONEY.
MIGHT WELL YOU ASK,
"WHOSE MONEY SHOULD I USE?"
WHO GOT MORE MONEY THEN
THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH?
THE GUB-MENT. THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IN PART ONE OF OUR BOOKLET,
WE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE
THAT MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT.
FOR EXAMPLE, DID YOU KNOW...
THAT FOOD STAMPS CANNOT BE
USED TO BUY ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES?
HMM. BUT HOW COULD I USE THAT
KNOWLEDGE TO WORK FOR ME?
I'M GLAD THAT YOU ASKED.
LET'S LOOK AT THE CHART.
I GO INTO A STORE AND PURCHASE A
PACK OF BEER FOR, LET'S SAY, $3.99.
OR EVEN LESS, DEPENDING
ON THE SECURITY SYSTEM.
AND I TRADE IT TO SOME
UNSCRUPULOUS INDIVIDUAL,
SUCH AS THIS MAN RIGHT HERE.
FOR, LET'S SAY, $40-50
WORTH OF FOOD STAMPS.
UH-HUH. NOW, HE'S EASY TO FIND.
HE MIGHT EVEN BE IN YOUR FAMILY.
AND I TAKE THAT MONEY, AND I FIND
A LITTLE FAT LADY NAMED LAQUITA...
WITH ABOUT 15 CHILDREN,
AND I TRADE IT TO HER FOR $25.
WHAT DOES THAT EQUAL?
YO, HERE GOES ONE OF
OUR MANY SUCCESS STORIES.
ANTON "BOOM BOOM" GENO.
$45,000 IN THREE WEEKS.
LUTHER "BIG HEAD" JONES.
$123,000 IN SIX MONTHS.
YO, OUR MO' MONEY SEMINAR...
WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO GET
OVER LIKE ROVER THE CASANOVA.
THAT'S RIGHT. AND IN PART THREE,
WE GONNA SHOW YOU HOW
TO DRESS FOR SUCCESS.
LIKE, CHECK OUT
MY MAN WILLIS HERE.
I KNOW YOU'RE SAYING HE
LOOKS PRETTY FLY LIKE IT IS,
BUT ADD THIS LITTLE
ACCESSORY RIGHT HERE...
NOW HE'S GOT A LOOK THAT MOST
BUSINESSMEN JUST CAN'T SEEM TO SAY "NO" TO.
THAT'S RIGHT. BUT
WAIT. HOL-HOL-HOLD ON.
YOU SAY, "YO, HOMEBOY." WHAT?
"YO, HOMEBOY." "WHAT?"
YOU DRIVE A BIG
MERCEDES. YES, I DO.
HOW CAN I DRIVE A BIG,
CRAZY MERCEDES TOO?
WELL, THAT'S EASY.
IF YOU ACT NOW,
WE GONNA SEND YOU OUR
EXCLUSIVE MO' MONEY VALET KIT.
YOU JUST FIND YOURSELF
A NICE, FANCY RESTAURANT,
STAND IN FRONT, THROW
ON THIS RED JACKET,
HOLD UP THIS HERE SIGN,
AND YOU'LL BE AMAZED AT HOW
MANY PEOPLE JUST WALK UP...
AND GIVE YOU A LUXURY CAR.
YO, SOME OF THEM WILL EVEN TIP
YOU BEFORE TURNING OVER THE KEYS.
[Pounding] [Man] FBI!
OPEN UP IN THERE!
YO. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS. WE'RE MOVING LOCATIONS.
THAT'S RIGHT. YO, PEOPLE
ARE JUST BANGING ON
THE DOORS TRYING TO
GET INTO ON OUR SEMINARS.
SO JUST SEND $50 TO THE
HOMEBOYS CARE OF THIS STATION.
SEE YOU NEXT TIME. PEACE.
[Pounding Continues]
[Audience Cheering] THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
TAKIN' US HOME TONIGHT...
ON THE JMJ LABEL...
THE AFROS.
[Woman] YEAH! ♪♪ [Reverb]
♪♪ [Reggae]
SPECIAL REQUEST TO ALL THE
PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD. YES!
BLACK, PURPLE AND
GREEN, BOY AND GIRL.
THIS STYLE OUR "RUDE BOY" STYLE.
LOVE AND UNITY WE
ARE NEEDIN' FOR THE '90s.
YOU NO SEE? DO IT, STAR!
♪ HURRICANE AND KOOT TEE... AND
THE ONE NAMED JAH EASY DO IT ♪
♪ SO YOU'RE MAD AND
DEPRESSED ABOUT LIFE ♪
♪ YOU WANNA... ♪ ♪ YOU WANNA
SMACK YOUR KIDS AND SHOOT YOUR WIFE ♪
♪ WELL, THAT'S THE WRONG
WAY TO GO ♪ ♪ AND, HEY, YO ♪
♪ WHEN IT HAPPENS, DON'T
SAY WE DIDN'T TELL YA SO ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IT'S AN ACTUAL FACT ♪
♪ THAT THOSE THAT RIDE THE
WRONG TRACK NEVER COME BACK ♪
♪ SO IF YOU'RE FEELIN' SAD AND
BLUE ♪ ♪ YO, THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪
♪ THIS JAM THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪
♪ THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪
♪ THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪
♪ THIS JAM'S FOR YOU ♪♪