I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 8 - Desert Island - full transcript

Instant Sanka.

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Brings you the Lucille Ball,
Desi Arnaz Show: "I Love Lucy."

Lucy? Yeah?

Fred just told me that he
and Ricky are gonna judge

a bathing beauty
contest this afternoon.

I know.

How are we gonna stop them?

We're not. We're
gonna let them do it.

Honey, you've been
in Florida too long.



Your poor little
brain is sunburned.

Not at all, Ethel, not at all.

I just decided that for once,

I'm was going to let
Ricky do what he wants to.

When he told me
about the contest

I said, "Go ahead
and do it, dear."

You said that?

Yes. This is the new,
understanding me.

Oh, dear, this is quite a blow.

I was counting heavily

on the old, conniving you.

That's all over, Ethel.

Look, what possible harm
could there be in them

judging a beauty contest?



Are you kidding?

Well, they sit out on the beach
and ogle the girls, anyway.

This way, I-I-I figure
it's supervised ogling.

Well, I don't like it.

And anyway, how can they judge

a bathing beauty contest?

I thought we were going

for a boat ride this afternoon.

There'll be plenty
of time for that.

The contest doesn't
start until 5:00.

Hey, where's Ricky?

They want us down at
the pool to take pictures

with some of the
girls in the contest.

Well, uh, Ricky's in
the manager's office.

Okay, I'll Rick
pick up in the lobby.

I mean, I'll pick
Rick up in the robby.

Oh, you know what I mean.

Yeah, we know what you mean.

What is he...? Hey,
Rick, they want us

down at the pool for
pictures. Yeah, I know.

I got wonderful news. What?

I'm going to be in a movie that
they're going to make down here.

That's great. Come on,
Rick. The girls are waiting.

Yeah. What kind of a movie?

Well, it's a documentary
about Florida.

It's the whole history of
Florida from the early days

of Ponce de Leon
until the present days.

Come on, will you, Rick?

Well, honey, how
do you fit into that?

Well, I'm gonna be
part of the present days.

Me and the band are gonna be

playing right here, at
the Eden Roc Hotel.

Come on, will you? LUCY:
Oh, for heaven's sake.

The bathing beauties
are waiting for us.

Will you look at the old goat?

He's practically
pawing the ground.

Oh, never mind, Ethel.

I'll be right with you, Fred.
I just want to comb my hair.

Hey, Rick, can I borrow
some of that fancy

eau de cologne of yours?

Sure.

Thanks.

Eau de cologne, yet!

He hasn't used eau de cologne

since Lillian Russell
came to town.

Hello.

Yes?

We're looking for
Mr. Ricky Ricardo.

Oh?

And Mr. Mertz.

Oh?

We're supposed to have

publicity pictures
taken with them.

Yes, down by the pool.

Are they in?

Well, um...

No, they're not.

Dear! Well, didn't they
know about the pictures?

Uh, yes, they knew about
them. But they had to go out.

And there's no telling
when they'll be back.

Uh, sometimes when they leave
like this, they don't come back

for hours, days.

Weeks.

Months.

So if I were you,

I-I'd find somebody
else to take pictures with.

Oh, welcome home, dear.

Huh?

Mr. Ricardo?

Yes?

I'm Joi Lansing.

And this is Jill Jarmyn.

Oh, well, hello.

Glad to know you, girls.

How are you? This is Mr. Mertz.

Well, how do you do?

Joi!

He's a regular little
kewpie doll, he is.

We're supposed
to have our pictures

taken with you down by the pool.

In fact, the photographer's
waiting for us right now.

Well, we were just
on our way down.

I'll just grab some
cigarettes, and we'll go.

I was so thrilled when I
heard you were going to be

one of the judges, Mr. Ricardo.

Oh! I just adore Cuban music.

Thank you. Thank you.

Me, too. I must
have seen your show

in the casino a hundred times.

Well, isn't that nice?

I get such a boot out of it

every time you sing "Babalu."

Well, thank you very much.

Shall we go, Fred?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go.

Bye.

Tell me, Mr. Ricardo,

is your accent real?

Oh, yes, yes.

Well, that was a
nauseating scene.

"Tell me, Mr. Ricardo,

is your accent real?"

"Oh, Joi, look.

He's a regular little
kewpie doll, he is."

"I get such a boot out of it

when you sing 'Babalu.'"

I'd sure like to
give her a boot.

And did the boys love it.

Did you see Fred's eyes pop out?

How about Ricky's eyes?

His nose looked like

it was balancing
two Ping-Pong balls.

Hey, what's happened

to that understanding attitude?

Where is the new you?

When I saw those
two mincing mermaids,

the old me came
right out of retirement.

Oh, boy, it's good
to have you back.

Now, let me see.

How can we keep them

from judging that contest?

Yeah, what awful thing
are we going to do?

I don't know yet,
but I got a hunch

it's going to be a dilly.

Lucy?

Yeah. I got here
as fast as I could.

Oh, help me, huh? Okay.

Ooh...

Now, what's your plan?

Well, I told the boatman to
only give us a half a tank of gas.

Half a tank?

Yeah, so when we get out
in the middle of the ocean,

the motor will suddenly go...

and stop.

We'll run out of gas?

Yeah. That's my plan

for keeping the boys
from judging the contest.

Oh, boy, that is a dilly.

That's a double dilly.

Does your plan
also include a way

to get back to civilization,

or do we just float around

in the Atlantic Ocean forever?

Ethel, how many times
have I ever let you down?

Well, uh...

Never mind.

Now, when we're sure

that they've missed the contest,

I suddenly discover this...

and pour it in the tank.

The boat runs on lemonade?

This is filled with gasoline...

and this thermos is
filled with lemonade.

And this is filled with sawdust.

Listen, do you want
to keep Fred from

judging that
contest, or don't you?

Oh, yes, I do. Well, all right!

I know he's an old goat,

but an old goat's
better than no goat at all.

Honey, I want to get some
suntan oil before we go.

There's a little shop down
there at the end of the pier.

Want to go? Okay, let's go.

Okay.

Hey, girls, where are you going?

Gonna get some suntan oil!

We'll be right back.

Well, hurry up! Yeah.

Daddy? Yeah, son.

Is this the boat we're going on?

Yeah, that's it.
Isn't she a beauty?

Hold him, Uncle Fred.
All right, I'll watch him.

Here you go. There we go.

Give me a hand.
Come on, Uncle Fred.

All right, thank you.

Well, as long as
we got a little time

I'll 'splain a few more things

to you about boats.

I'm a landlubber.

'Splain to me, too.

All right.

Now, over there,
see, in the front...

That's called the bow.

And back here
is called the stern.

So, that's the
bow and the stern.

The bow and the stern.

That's right. Say!

You're a regular
skipper already.

This cruise-along is a
dandy little boat, Rick.

Daddy? Yeah?

I'm thirsty. You're thirsty?

Well, your mommy said she
was gonna bring some lemonade.

Is there any lemonade
in front there, Fred?

Hey, I found a jug.

See if there's any cups
in there, would you?

He's thirsty.

All right, here we are.

Now, Little Ricky,

the right side of the boat

is called the starboard side.

Remember that now.

The right side... Hey, hey.

This smells like gasoline.

It does?

It's supposed to be lemonade.

Well, if it's lemonade,

it's made from
high-octane lemons.

Hey, you're right.

Yeah.

Is there another
thermos up front there?

Well, I'll look again.

Yeah, here's another.

Well, that must be the lemonade.

Why do you suppose they
put gasoline in a thermos jug?

Well, I don't know, but
it's a very dangerous place

to keep gasoline.
Well, that's just...

You should only carry gasoline

in a safety can. Yeah.

I'll take it out of here

and leave it on
the pier someplace.

Here you are, Little Rick.

You try that.

There. That all right?

Yeah, Uncle Fred.

Well, I wonder what's
keeping the girls.

Come on... Oh, here they come.

Come on, girls! Come on!

Here we are.

All right. LUCY: Hi.

Hi, hi, hi.

Oh, boy isn't this
gonna be great?

Having much fun
today, sweetheart?

Hi, lovey!

Sitting on a nice boat,

going out in the ocean, huh?

And a nice day for it,
too. Beautiful day, isn't it?

Here. Watch this rope, huh?

Here, I'll take it,
honey. Over back there.

Watch it. Okay.

All right. Ooh, it's wet.

There we go.

Now, look at this.

Here we go!

Having a good time, honey?

Oh, just wonderful.

We love it.

How about you, honeybunch?

Oh, Fred, this is marvelous.

He's been looking at
his watch all afternoon.

Fred, will you forget
about that beauty contest?

Huh? That's the farthest
thing from my mind.

Say, maybe it is time for
us to be heading home.

What time is it, Fred?

It's, uh, half past
bathing beauty...

Uh... I mean, half past 3:00.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter,
Rick? What's the matter?

I don't know. The
motor just stopped.

Well, do something, will you?

We haven't got much time.

Oh, what an awful
thing to have happen.

What are we gonna do now, dear?

We'll have to take
a look at the engine.

I can't understand it.

I checked every
part of that motor,

and I can't find a darn
thing wrong with it.

Well, you got to find
something wrong, Rick.

We only got about five minutes.

Oh, forget it. We couldn't
make it now, anyway.

Besides, we got
a bigger problem.

If we don't get

this thing started,

we'll just keep drifting

further and further out to sea.

Oh, are you sure you're
too late for the contest, dear?

I'm positive.

We can't make it by now.

Oh, what a shame.

Yeah.

Look, honey, I-I don't
know anything about motors,

but, uh, maybe we're out of gas.

Out of gas?!

Don't be ridiculous.

Well, now, Rick,
it wouldn't hurt

just to look and see, would it?

All right, if it'll make you
happy, I'll look and see.

I've been on boats all my life.

Since I was younger than
Little Ricky, I been on boats.

I know that these boats
don't run out of gas

in an hour and 15 minutes.

Let me see...

You're right.

We're out of gas.

Oh, no! Now what are
we supposed to do?

Thumb a ride on
a passing halibut?

Well, now, let's
not lose our heads.

I seem to remember
hearing somewhere

that they always keep extra
gasoline on these boats,

you know, just for
emergencies like this.

Here, let me... help me
down, honey, and I'll...

I'll just take a look around,
yeah. Take a look around, honey.

See if you can find
anything like that, huh? Yeah.

Yeah, I-I read it someplace...

My! I know I have.

Oh, well, now!

Look what I found.

That's lemonade.

Ooh, I must have the wrong one.

Where's that
thermos of gasoline?

Ricky left it on the dock.

Left it on the dock? Yes!

Oh, for heaven's sake,
Why would you do a...?

How did you know

that the gasoline
was in the thermos?

Uh, uh, well, uh...

I'm waiting. Tell me the story.

Yeah, Mommy. Tell us a story.

A story?

Well, all right, dear.
Once upon a time

there were these three bears...

The mama bear, papa bear...

Lucy! Lucy bear...!

Lucy!

Well, now, we only did it

because we love
you and Fred so much.

Didn't we, Ethel?

Uh... Y-Yes.
That's why we did it.

That's why. Did-did what?

Yeah. Did what?

Well, uh... uh... uh...

Told the man that I only
needed a half a tank of gas

and then brought the extra
gasoline along in a thermos

so that when we
were sure that it was

too late for you to
go to the contest...

and I think I'll try
swimming ashore.

Of all the miserable
things to do.

If I were the captain of this
tub, I'd make her walk the plank.

Mommy, what's that?

What's what?

Over there.

Look! It's an island!

Yeah.

Maybe we can drift close
enough so we can wade ashore.

Yeah. We can wade ashore.

Oh, what good would that do?

We'd still be out in the
middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

Well, it's better
than being adrift.

Yeah, it's better
than being adrift.

Maybe someone would come
by eventually and rescue us.

Somebody'd come by
and rescue us... eventually.

You see, gang, everything's
turning out all right.

Isn't it, Ricky?

Isn't it, Fred?

Ethel?

Little Ricky?

I think I'll go below
and put myself in irons.

Whoo!

Oh, boy.

Whoo!

Hey, I wonder if anybody
lives on this island.

I doubt it.

Well, let's find
out. Call out, Ricky.

Hello there!

Try it in Spanish.

Huh?

This might be part of Cuba.

Oh!

Hey, they got
some cacanuts here.

Cacanuts?

Oh, yeah.

There are a lot of cacanuts.

Well, it looks like

we got the whole
island to ourselves.

How do you like that?
Marooned on a desert island

and it's got to be with, uh...

Fred,

you'd better be nice to me.

We may be here so long that
I'll start looking good to you.

Hey!

Look at this.

What?

Huge footprints in the sand.

So?

So this island
might be inhabited.

Inhabited by whom?

Well, from the looks
of these footprints,

giant natives.

Giant natives.

No kidding. Look at these.

Oh, boy. He must be a big one.

Now, if I follow them,

maybe I'll be able
to track him down

and find out...

Well, it could have
been a giant native.

Hey! That's a speedboat!

Oh... hey, Mister!

Hey!

Hey! Mister, we're over here!

Hey! This way! Hey!

Hey, fellas! RICKY: Hey!

Come back!

How do you like that?

All he did was wave back.

Yeah.

Well, at least he was friendly.

Listen, Fred,

maybe you and I should go out

and see what's on the
other side of this island.

All right. Want to go
out with us, Ricky?

Sure. Come on, let's go explore.

You stay here and see.
Maybe some boats go by,

and maybe you can
get their attention.

All right.

Oh, boy, this
heat is killing me.

You're either hot
or you're hungry.

You're always complaining
about something.

Well, that's because
when I'm around you,

I always have something
to complain about.

Well!

How do you like this?

Stranded on a desert island.

You know, sometimes
Lucy goes too far.

Well, there's one
good thing about her.

What's that?

She makes me glad
I'm married to Ethel.

It don't do me any good.

See if I can find
anything around here.

It's the ocean
on the other side.

Hey!

What's the matter?

There's someone in there.

Who is it?

It looks like a giant native.

Boy, you've been
married to Lucy too long.

You come and look.

You stay here, Little Ricky.

Good night, nurse!
You hold them off, Rick.

I'll take Little Ricky
and make a run for it.

Now, wait a minute, Fred.

"Wait" nothing. It's uncles
and little children first.

Now, there's got to
be an explanation.

There's no natives
on these islands.

Well, you tell him that while
he's shrinking your head.

Now, Fred, I went
to high school here...

He's right back of you now.

Hello.

Good-bye.

Hey, what's the
matter with you guys?

Huh?

Aren't you Ricky Ricardo?

Yeah.

Well, I guess you
don't recognize me

under all the makeup.

I'm Claude Akins.

Claude Akins? Yeah. The actor?

Yeah.

Well, goodness sakes.
How are you, Claude?

Good to see you. How are you?

Oh, this is Fred
Mertz. Hi, Claude.

Hi. How are you? Nice to
see you. Glad to see you.

This is my son.
This is Little Ricky.

Well, hi, Rick.

You know, I made a picture
with Claude out in Hollywood.

Yeah.

What are you doing in Miami?

Well, I'm playing a native

in a picture called
The Florida Story.

We're shooting the scene where
Ponce de Leon landed in Florida.

I'm in the same picture.

Really? Yeah, in
the present day.

You mean, there's a
whole movie company here?

Sure, right over there.

Oh, for goodness sakes.

You're here making
the picture, too, huh?

No, no. I-I... We
ran out of gas.

We were taking a boat
ride, and we run out of gas.

Oh.

You think we could borrow
some gas from those fellows?

Oh, I'm sure you can get some

from one of the skippers
who brought us out.

Boy, are we lucky
we run into him, huh?

You had us plenty
scared a minute ago.

Yeah. We thought you
were the giant native

Mommy was talking about. Oh.

We thought you
were a giant native.

Yeah.

Hey.

I've got an idea.

You got a little
time on your hands?

Sure. Why?

Well, our wives are on the
other side of the island, see?

And we got a little
score to settle with them.

So if you could
do us the favor of

coming over there...

Gee, I wonder what's
keeping the boys.

I don't know, but after
what you did to them,

I wouldn't blame them
if they never came back.

Well, at least we
accomplished our purpose...

We kept them from the contest.

You got to give
me credit for that.

Listen, one credit hardly
balances 15 years of debits.

Sheesh! There's just
no talking to you today.

Oh, I must look a mess by now.

Ethel...

Ethel, your nose is shiny.

Why don't you
look in the mirror?

"Ethel, your nose is shiny."

"Ethel, you got big feet."

"Ethel, you're always hungry."

What is this, "Pick
On Ethel Mertz Week"?

Ethel, please powder your nose.

Oh, powder your own nose.

Ethel, I don't blame
you for being mad,

but there's a huge,
ferocious-looking native

standing right behind us.

You never give up, do you?

Ethel, please, look behind you

and see if you see what I see.

Please?

Ho tasho! Ho tasho!

He's trying to
tell us something.

Maybe I'd better talk to him.

Well... uh... d-d-do you think

you can understand his language?

If I can understand Ricky,
I can understand anybody.

Uh...

uh...

hello...

uh, us friends.

What you want?

Oo-ta-goo-gah.

Oo-ta-goo-gah.

You go village.

Oh, thank you very much,

but we don't want to go village.

You go village.

Big chief have dinner.

Hey, Lucy, he's friendly.

He wants us to have dinner.

Have dinner?

He wants us to be dinner.

Oh!

You!

Lucy! Lucy!

Oh! Me go village.

You get help.

Fred! Ricky! Hurry up! Oh, Rick!

What's the matter?
What's the matter?

Oh, Rick, look at that savage.
He's going to carry Lucy away.

Ricky! Ricky, save me!

Well, what are you waiting
for? Aren't you gonna save me?

I'm trying to decide.

Ricky!

Hey, you, stop!

Attaboy, Fred!

You forgot one.

What's so funny?

What are you laughing at?

What's going on?

It's a joke, Mommy. It's a joke.

A joke?

Well, some joke.

This is Claude
Akins. He's an actor.

They're making a picture

on the other side of the island.

I hope I didn't hurt you
too much, Mrs. Ricardo.

You didn't hurt me, but you
scared the daylights out of me.

Oh, what a dirty trick.

What are you talking about?
You started the whole thing.

Hey, you better go
and borrow that gas,

if we're going to
get out of here.

Yeah. Hey, listen.

Why don't you all stick around?

As soon as we're through
shooting, the whole cast

and crew are going to have a
beach party, a kind of a luau.

You're all invited.

A luau? Well, I'd like that.

Yeah. LUCY: How 'bout it?

That's my favorite food. - Yeah.

Wonderful.

You see, honey? I
told you everything

was going to turn out all right.

Yeah!

We've been looking
all over for you.

The luau's about to start. Oh!

Why, Mr. Ricardo and Mr. Mertz.

What are you all doing here?

Well, our boat ran out of gas.

What are you doing here?

Yeah.

Yeah. What are
you all doing here?

Well, they needed some
more girls for the picture,

so they brought us all out here.

Well, what happened
to the contest?

Why, that's been
postponed till tomorrow.

Come on, everybody.
Let's go to the luau.

You want to come with me?

Come on, Mr. Mertz. Here we go.

Come on, Ricky. Yeah!

Hey, you were right.

Everything worked out real fine.

"I Love Lucy," starring
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz,

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