I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 6 - Off to Florida - full transcript

( fanfare plays)

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Brings you the Lucille Ball,
Desi Arnaz Show: "I Love Lucy."

("I Love Lucy" theme playing)

( doorbell ringing)

Hi, honey.

Hi. What are you
ringing the bell for?

I couldn't find my key.

Don't tell me you
lost your key again.



Certainly not.
I haven't lost it.

I just couldn't find it.

That's the third key that
you've lost in one month.

Now, honey, let's not fight.

You're leaving tonight.

We're going to be separated
for three whole days.

Let's not spoil our
last few hours together.

All right, all right.

Hi, Mommy.

Hello, sweetie pie.

Well, what have we here?

I caught a fish.

Well, I'll say you did.

You're getting ready
for Florida, huh?



Uh-huh.

Mommy?

What, darling?

Why aren't you
going fishing with us?

Well, just the men in the
family are going fishing, honey.

You and Uncle Fred
and Daddy are going.

Mommy and Aunt Ethel are going

to meet you down
there in about three days.

Oh, boy! We're gonna have fun!

You bet you're gonna have fun.

Say, you bought a
lot of stuff, didn't you?

Well, honey, you don't
want me to look tacky.

After all, you and your
band are appearing

at the Eden Roc Hotel.

Well, well.

Honey, I bought you a
lot of things for Florida, too.

Look at this.

See? You wear this on the boat.

There you are, Commodore.

Hey, that's cute.

Hey, look, Ricky.

Mommy bought you a bathing suit.

That's mine.

Yours?

Relax. It stretches
when it's on.

See that it does.

Ricky, look at this, honey.

For a great big boy

who's going on a
trip with his daddy,

he has just got
to have a wallet.

Oh, boy! Thanks. What's it for?

Oh, well, honey,
it's to keep things in.

You know, like
money and pictures

and valuable things that
you don't want to lose.

See? It's just like Daddy's.

Just like Daddy's, there
won't be money in it.

Oh, push-tush.

Well, let me see now.

You're going on the
Sunshine Limited.

You leave Penn
Station Thursday at 2:00.

We'll meet you at the
station in North Miami.

Okay.

Now, make sure
that you put these

in a place that you
don't lose them.

Honey, sometimes you
treat me just like a child.

Have I ever lost any
train tickets before?

Yes.

Have I ever lost
any train tickets

to Florida before?

We've never been
to Florida before.

There you are.

Look, from here on,
they're your responsibility.

Well, honey, don't
worry about them.

I'm going to put
them right over here

where I know where
they are. Okay.

There they are!

Well, maybe they'd be
a lot safer over there.

Yeah. If I ever lost them,
I'd never hear the end of it.

Maybe you'd better
use my wallet, Mommy.

Oh, no, honey. Now,
that's just for you.

I'll leave them right
here in the desk.

I know they'll be
perfectly safe in there.

Well, maybe there's
a better place.

Let's see.

Good morning.

Hi.

What's the matter?

Now, Ethel, don't get panicky.

Now, Ethel, don't get
panicky. I'll find them.

Lucy! Don't tell me
you've lost our train tickets.

Don't get panicky, Ethel.

( drawers banging in other room)

Ethel? What?

Get panicky.

Oh, Lucy, of all the
stupid things to do.

Oh, if Ricky finds out
about this, he'll kill me.

Not this time he won't.

I intend to do the job myself.

Now, Ethel, don't get excited.

Look, all I have to do is
call him on the telephone

and tell him to wire
me some more money.

Oh, yeah, that'll be
great, except for one thing.

What's that?

They're out on a boat
where they can't be reached.

Oh, darn it.

Honestly, Lucy.

Well, maybe we have enough
to buy two more train tickets.

How much money
did Fred leave you?

$18 and a half a
sheet of Green Stamps.

Well, let's see now.

I have... $32 and 24... cents.

That's over $50.

That's not nearly enough
for two train fares to Florida.

Oh.

Well, um... is it enough
for one train fare and...

and one half-fare

for a very large,
blond, chubby child?

It is not.

Well, maybe one of us could go.

Which one?

The one of us that...

that has a little
child down there

that needs her?

Oh, no, you don't.

Either we both go to
Florida or nobody goes.

All right, all right.

There must be some way for
both of us to get down there.

Okay. How?

Well...

I know! By sharing a ride!

Sharing a ride?

Sure. In a car.

You know, people are
always looking for passengers

to share the cost
of gas and stuff.

Here they are. Now, let's see.

Here's one.

♪ La-la-la-la! ♪

Mrs. Ricardo, you were right.

You two don't take up
any more room than one.

No, it's, it's really
quite roomy.

Isn't it, Ethel?

Oh, roomy isn't the word for it.

In fact, the word
for it is cramped.

Mrs. Grundy, uh, I'm
getting a little hungry.

So am I.

After all, we have
been on the road

since 6:30 this morning.

Well, we've got to push on

if we're going to get
to Florida in 2½ days.

Well, I know, but
it's 1:30 already,

and don't you think
we'd better start

looking for a place to eat?

We can't stop and
dawdle for things like lunch.

Well, aren't you ever
gonna stop and eat?

Oh! Didn't I tell
you to pack a lunch?

No, you didn't tell
us to pack a lunch.

We thought we'd
stop along the road.

All you'll find on the road are
hot dog and hamburger stands.

Well, what's that you're eating?

It's a watercress sandwich.

Well, I guess you wouldn't find

too many watercress
sandwich stands

along the road.

Care to try one?

No, I don't... I'd love to!

Help yourself.

Oh, thank you. Thank you!

Oh... boy.

There you are, Lucy.

Like it?

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Very tasty... if you
like buttered grass.

I love buttered grass.

All right.

Beddy-bye, everyone.

What are we stopping here for?

I don't see any motel.

Who needs a motel?

What do you mean?

GRUNDY: Didn't I tell you
to bring a sleeping bag?

No, you didn't tell us
to bring a sleeping bag.

Look, Mrs. Grundy, if
there's anything else

you forgot to tell us,
please tell us now.

Listen to me, Missy.

If you're going to get testy,

you can just get out and
walk the rest of the way.

You've got our money.

Exactly.

Nighty-night!

Well, uh, where are
we supposed to sleep?

Well, the car is
very comfortable.

Let's see, now.
It's, uh, it's 12:30.

I'd like to be on the road at
4:00 in the morning. Yoo-hoo!

You want the upper or the lower?

( music plays on radio)

NEWSCASTER: And now for your
early morning edition of the news.

Evelyn Holmby, gray-haired
hatchet murderess

whose spectacular escape

from the New York
State Prison for Women

three days ago
astounded the nation,

is still at large.

Police are tracking
down reports that...

( switches radio off)

( thud)

( yawns)

Where are we?

South Carolina.

What happened to North Carolina?

Hey, we must have traveled
over 200 miles this morning.

Sure have.

I always take the back roads.

You make much
better time on them.

Oh. Oh.

( loud popping)

What's that? What's that?

Oh!

Oh, boy! She's flat all right.

Whew! She sure is.

Flat as a pancake.

Please.

Do you have to mention food?

Well, I guess this is a chance
for me to catch a little catnap.

A nap? Now?

Who's gonna change the tire?

Well, after all, I've been
doing all the driving.

I'm sure you two wouldn't
mind changing a tire.

GRUNDY: You'll find
everything you need in the trunk.

I hope we find a
mechanic back there.

I don't know anything
about changing a tire.

I do. I watched Ricky and Fred

on our trip to California.

It's a cinch. It is?

Whew!

Well, she's got a lot
of gadgets in here.

Yep. There's a hammer.

Here's sort of a
bent-looking thing.

Yeah. Here's a... a hatchet.

I wonder what
she does with this.

( mimicking Mrs. Grundy): Oh, didn't
I tell you to bring a hatchet along?

We might have to chop our
way through the Everglades.

I got to get this
tire out of here.

Okay.

There. Now, let's see.

You'd better get the
jack out of the back.

All right.

Oh, dear.

Lucy... What?

What does a jack look like?

Oh, Ethel, you're
such a dumb bunny.

Anybody knows
what a jack looks like.

It's a... It's a...

with a...

Lucy.

What?

I don't see any...

with a... back here.

Oh, Ethel.

There it is.

That isn't a... with a...

All right, so
it's a... with a...

That's it, huh?

It couldn't be anything else.

ETHEL: Gosh, you're smart.

I'm not so smart.
I'm just observant.

What do you do now?

Put it under the
car and pump it up.

Oh. Where under
the car do you put it?

Just anywhere.

Oh, dear.

There.

Now.

Is it moving?

Not a bit.

Come here and help me.

Okay.

What do I do now?

Now just pump
steady. Just-just steady.

Okay.

There. Now. Oh!

Now it's getting harder.

Yeah.

Yeah.

( jack clanging)

Is it supposed to do that?

( mocking tone): No, it
isn't supposed to do that.

It's her fault for having
such thin fenders.

What do we do now, Lucy?

Let the jack down.

Let it down, huh?

Good heavens.

Okay. All right.

Not yet. Not yet.

There. Now we got it.

Getting it?

Yeah.

( hammering repeatedly)

There. She'll never
know the difference.

Lucy. What?

You must have put the
jack in the wrong place.

No kidding.

There. Now it's off the ground.

Oh, good.

Hey, look, Lucy! What?

It's not flat anymore.

( derisive mumbling)

Oh, dear.

¡Mira que cosa
loca la goma esta!

¡Mira que cosa
loca la goma esta!

What are you doing that for?

That's what Ricky always
does when he changes a tire.

¡Mira que cosa
loca la goma esta!

See? It works.

Hey, no wonder it
wouldn't come off.

It's screwed on.

Oh, yeah.

Well, maybe that's
what this thing is for.

You think so?

Yeah. See? It's all groovy.

Oh. Okay.

Oh!

Lucy! Whoa!

Lucy! Oh!

Oh, honey...

You'd better hold the tire.

Yeah, I'd better hold it, huh?

Good girl.

Hey, how about this?

We changed a tire all
by ourselves, huh, girl?

That's something, huh? Yeah.

Too bad we can't tell
Ricky and Fred about it.

They'd never believe it anyway.

They wouldn't, would they? No.

Well, there we are.

Okay.

I would say that is a
good job well done.

What happened?!

Lucy, we put the same
tire back on we took off.

No!

¡Mira que cosa
loca la goma esta!

( crickets chirping)

Oh, it's five minutes to 4:00.

Lucy, did you sleep at all?

Who can sleep
with all that noise?

Sounds like feeding
time in a pet shop.

Wouldn't you know she'd park us

right in the middle
of the Everglades.

Maybe some music
will lull us to sleep.

Well, let's try it.

( switch clicking)

( slow big band music playing)

Okay.

NEWSCASTER: Now here's the
latest bulletin on the Evelyn Holmby case.

Police have definitely
established that Evelyn Holmby,

famous gray-haired hatchet
murderess who escaped

from New York State Prison
Thursday, is heading south

in a cream-colored
convertible coupe.

Stand by for further bulletins.

And now back to
our recorded music.

( slow big band music playing)

( switches radio off)

What did you turn it off for?

Did you hear what he said?

Yeah. So what?

Which way are we heading?

South.

Exactly.

Gray-haired...

Cream-colored convertible...

Oh, Lucy, that's
just a coincidence.

But think. It all fits.

Likes to drive in the dark.

Won't stop at motels.

Uses back roads.

Just why do you suppose,
she uses back roads?

She told us. To save time.

Oh, sure. She uses back
roads to avoid the police.

Oh, Lucy, I don't believe it.

The woman they're looking
for is a hatchet murderess.

She doesn't look like a...

Hatchet! Hatchet!

( stammering)

We're just jumping
to conclusions.

She brought that
hatchet along to, uh...

to, uh...

To what?

Chop watercress?!

Ethel, that woman
definitely has a criminal face.

She's really that Evelyn Holmby

the police are looking for.

No!

Yes! So we got to make
a break for it. Come on.

In the middle of a swamp?

What difference does it make?

Come on, let's get out of here.

Up!

4:00, and time to hit the road.

What do we do now?

I don't know, but whatever
you do, don't fall asleep.

Fall asleep? Oh!

Well, it won't be long now.

( switches radio on)

NEWSCASTER: That winds up
the news from Washington today.

And here's the latest
bulletin on Evelyn Holmby,

escaped hatchet murderess.

Police have learned that,
before leaving New York,

she dyed her gray hair
red, and is heading south

with a blonde companion.

( turns off radio)

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Oh, I was just admiring
your lovely red hair.

Is it dyed?

Dyed?

Who died?

My hair!

Of course it isn't dyed.

It's very pretty.

Lucy, we got to call the police.

How are we going
to get her to stop?

What are you two
muttering about?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I... I... I just
remembered that I...

I... I left the water
running in my bathtub

before I left New York.

I've got to stop someplace
and call my landlady.

I thought you said
she was your landlady.

Oh, yeah.

Landlady, my tub's running over.

I've just remembered
that I... I've got to stop, too.

I've got to make
a... a phone call.

There's a place up there.

Where's the phone?

No, let her go.

It's a very
important phone call.

No, no, no.

Sorry, ladies.

That phone's out of order.

Coffee, ladies?

Coffee? Yeah.

Yeah, let's have some coffee.

Let's have a cup of coffee, huh?

Have some coffee.

Here. We won't need these.

Pfft! Pfft!

Y'all must be from the north.

New York.

New York. Yeah. Heading south.

South.

All three of us...

Me, this redhead
and this blonde.

You notice how gray her hair is?

Care for some more coffee?

Um...

Yes. I'd like a second help-ing.

Help-ing.

When will your
telephone be fixed?

First thing tomorrow morning.

Oh.

I've got to fetch
something out of the car.

I'll be right back!

She's going out
to get the hatchet!

She's the hatchet murderer!

She's the one that escaped!

Yeah. The police are looking
for her. How can we get

in touch with the police?
Now, calm yourself, ma'am.

They just caught that
hatchet lady in Kentucky.

They did? They did?

Yeah. I just heard
it on the radio

'fore y'all came in.

Oh.

You and your wild ideas.

Well...

Oh, I feel terrible.

Just terrible.

( car engine roaring)

You're going to
feel a lot worse.

She just drove off without us.

No!

Why do you suppose she did that?

I don't know.

Thank goodness she threw
our suitcases off before she left.

A lot of good that will do us.

How are we going to
get from here to Miami?

Well, how's your right thumb?

Oh...

Oh, no, you don't.

I'm not going to hitchhike
all the way to Miami.

It's either that or walk,

and I think it's
about 100 miles.

Did you hear that, thumb?

Get going.

Oh, honestly.

I might have known,
if I listened to you,

I'd end up
hitchhiking to Florida.

Well, we got here, didn't we?

Yeah, on a poultry truck
with 85 live chickens.

You'll have to
admit it beat walking.

A few more feathers
and I could have flown.

Remember, now.
When the boys get here,

tell them we came
in on the train,

and... and they'll never
know what happened.

I'm not sure I know
what happened myself.

Here they come.

Here they come.

RICKY: Oh, hi, dear! Ha, ha!

ETHEL: Oh, I missed you!

Hello, honey. How are you?

Hi, sweetheart.

Did you have a nice trip?

Oh, it was fabulous.

Just fabulous. Wasn't it, Ethel?

Oh, that's what it
was... Just fabulous.

I don't think this warm weather

agrees with you, honeybunch.

You're molting.

Sweetie pie. I sure
missed you, honey.

Well, thank you, dear.

Listen... uh...

there's a couple of things

that I'd like you to 'splain.

What?

Well, first of all,

how come you got here
an hour before the train?

Huh?

I just checked. The
train is an hour late.

It is?

Yeah.

RICKY: And another thing...

How come you got
here without any tickets?

I just, uh, found your tickets

in Little Ricky's wallet.

You what?!

You said you wanted them
in a safe place, Mommy.

Well, so I did, honey.

I did tell him that...

How did you get here?

It's a long story.

How did we get here?

( applause)

( closing orchestral
flourish playing)

ANNOUNCER: "I Love Lucy"

starring Lucille Ball

and Desi Arnaz

has been presented
for your pleasure

by Instant Sanka,

the hardy coffee you can
drink as strong as you like,

it still can't affect
your nerves.

("I Love Lucy"
theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: Elsa Lanchester
appeared in the role of Edna Grundy,

and the man in the coffee
shop was Strother Martin.

"I Love Lucy" is a
Desilu production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next
week at this same time.