I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 6, Episode 1 - Lucy and Bob Hope - full transcript
Lucy tries to convince Bob Hope that she's not a jinx.
Instant Sanka.
The hearty coffee you can
drink as strong as you like.
It still can't upset
your nerves.
Brings you the Lucille Ball,
Desi Arnaz Show: "I Love Lucy."
Come on now, Little Ricky,
let me see you swing that bat.
Attaboy! Ha-ha!
You're gonna be
another Mickey Mantle.
Uncle Fred, who's Mickey Mantle?
Who's Mickey Mantle?
Why, he's the guy
they got to replace
Joe DiMaggio.
Who's Joe Maggio?
"Who's Joe Maggio?"
You talk more like
your father every day.
It's Joe DiMaggio.
And he's one of the
greatest Yankees of all time.
Come on now, let me
see you take another swipe
at that old apple.
Boffo!
Right out of the park. Attaboy.
Hi, Daddy.
Hey! Hi! Hi, Rick.
Say, what's going on, partner?
I'm swiping apples.
You're swiping apples?
He means he's taking
a swipe at the old apple.
Oh. Well, let me
see you do it. Go on.
Show him. Show your dad. At 'em!
Hey!
He's gonna be
another Joe Maggio.
Yes, sir.
I'm treating the two
girls and Little Ricky
to the ball game this
afternoon at Yankee Stadium.
Well, that's very generous
of you, Uncle Fred.
Well, it's nothing,
Rick. I'm glad to do it.
Today is Ladies' Day, Daddy.
Oh, it's Ladies' Day.
Uh-huh.
Ladies and little
boys get in free.
"Ladies and little
boys get in free."
Yeah. He's just like his mother.
Yatata, yatata,
yatata, yatata, yatata.
Well, listen, if you're
going to go the ball game,
with Uncle Fred, you'd
better go take a nap, huh?
Okay, Daddy.
You go to sleep now, son.
Good-bye.
Ain't he a dandy?
How about that kid, huh?
He's a dandy.
Listen, did the girls come
back from shopping yet?
No, not yet.
And I'm getting hives
at the thought of Ethel running
loose in a department store
with a loaded charge-a-plate.
Well, listen, Fred,
you can't expect the
girls to go to the opening
of a new nightclub
in an old dress.
Ah, well, it's all
your fault, too.
If you hadn't bought a
piece of the Tropicana,
I wouldn't be buying a
piece of Saks Fifth Avenue.
Listen, you won't
recognize the old Tropicana.
Boy, it's all changed.
It's brand-new furniture,
brand-new paint job
new bandstand, new uniforms...
We even changed the name.
We call it Club Babalu.
Club Babalu?
Yeah. Hey, I like that.
And wait till you hear who I got
for the opening night.
Who?
Bob Hope.
Bob Hope!
Yeah. Bob Hope.
His agent Jimmy Safield
just called me and
said, "It's all set."
Well, that's terrific.
Yeah, there's only
one thing, though.
I made a slip the other day
and Lucy knows that I was trying
to get Bob Hope for
the opening, you know.
How could you pull
a boner like that?
You know how she
acts in front of celebrities.
I know, but I was
talking on the telephone
and I didn't know that
she was in the apartment,
but she doesn't need
to know it's all set
and that Bob is going
to do it. Understand?
Mm-hmm.
So not a word in front of Lucy
and not a word in front of Ethel
and not a word in
front of Little Ricky.
Now we got him to worry about.
Yeah, fine way to live...
Surrounded by blabbermouths.
Hi.
Hiya, honey, what you do?
Buy half of the store?
Well, not quite.
Fred, you'd better
go give Ethel a hand.
She can't get up the stairs.
She's got so many packages.
Oh, good night, nurse.
If I ever find where she
hides that charge-a-plate,
I'll pound the letters down.
Fred.
Where is the baby, honey?
He just went in to take a nap.
Oh, good. Any news
about the opening?
News?
Yeah, about the guest star.
Did you get hold of Bob Hope?
Bob Hope?
Yeah. Did he call you?
Uh... no.
No, Bob Hope didn't call. No.
Well, he certainly knows
that you were waiting
to hear from him.
He knows the opening
is tomorrow night.
Yeah, well, you know,
that's show business.
Well, I can't understand
why he didn't even call you,
for heaven's sake.
Oh, my goodness!
Oh, I just had a
horrible thought.
What?
Ricky, you don't suppose...?
Oh, I know it's a wild idea,
but you don't suppose that
Bob Hope heard about me,
and that's the reason he
hasn't called you, do you?
About you?
Yeah. You know,
those exaggerated reports
about what happens
to a celebrity
when they meet up with me.
No.
No, as bad as you
are, I don't think...
By George,
I hate to say this,
but you may be right.
Oh, no!
Yeah, I think you hit it
right on top of the head.
I think that-that Bob is
afraid even to come near you.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Well...
Oh, I just feel awful.
Well, that's all right, honey.
Oh, this is terrible!
Honey, you're married to a jinx!
Now, now, now, honey...
Yes, you are.
Here are the lineups
and batting orders
for today's game:
For Cleveland, batting first
and playing right
field, Al Smith...
Gee, a baseball game is fun.
Kind of wish I knew
what it was all about.
Kill the umpire!
Stop, Ethel! Stop!
Well, that's what
you always say.
Game hasn't even started.
Oh.
Oh, Lucy, come on, cheer up.
There could be a million
reasons why Bob Hope
hasn't called Ricky.
No, there aren't.
He's heard that every time
I come near a
celebrity, there's trouble.
It happened in Hollywood.
It happened in Europe.
I'm a scourge of two continents.
Oh, now, honey, that's the
silliest thing I ever heard of.
Oh, come on, perk up.
Red hots!
Get your red hots!
Get 'em while they're hot!
Fred, Fred, I'm hungry.
Get me a hot dog.
Did you come out here
to watch a ball game
or to stuff your face?
That guy down there is eating.
He's not eating.
He's a pitcher.
He's chewing tobacco.
A lot of ball players
chew tobacco.
Well, whatever it
is, it sure looks good.
Come on, go get me a hot dog.
That man won't be
back here for hours.
Oh... all right.
Can I have one, Uncle Fred?
Okay, Little Rick. Okay.
Well, as long as you're up,
you might as well
bring me one, too, Fred.
I came out here to
watch a ball game
and I wind up as
a short-order cook.
Fred, come on...
Can I have your
autograph, Mr. Hope?
Well, I don't know.
You seen my latest
picture, The Iron Petticoat?
Yes, sir!
You watch my television show?
Oh, yes, sir.
You root for Cleveland?
I own a piece of
the team, you know.
Yes, sir.
Well, now that you've been
properly brainwashed...
There you are, you lucky boy.
How are you?
How's it going, all right?
Listen, Ethel, you keep an eye
on Little Ricky for
a minute, will you?
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna talk to Bob Hope.
Oh, no, you're not.
No, no, you're not.
Now, listen, now, listen, Ethel,
I'm just gonna explain to him
that I'm not really a jinx
and I'm gonna promise
to stay away from him.
And maybe he'll do Ricky's show.
Oh, Lucy.
May I see your ticket, please?
I just want to talk to Bob Hope.
You and everyone else
in the Yankee Stadium.
I'm sorry.
But this is important.
I've got to see him.
So see him.
Look from here.
You don't understand.
I'm Ricky Ricardo's wife.
Well, that's keen.
I'm Phoebe Krausfeld's
husband, and it's still no dice.
Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs!
Get 'em while they're hot!
Hot dogs!
Hot dog man.
How many, lady?
Um, I think you and I
better have a little talk.
Paul... Paul, the uniforms
are not here yet. They're...
What are they
doing to the floor?!
What's the matter
with the floor?!
Calm down, Rick.
It will be finished today.
And by tomorrow night,
it will be all set in and dry.
Now don't panic!
It's my opening. If I
want to panic, I'll panic.
Oh, say, Rick, before I forget,
Jimmy Safield called.
Bob Hope's out at the ball game.
He wants you to come
out there and look over
the material for the opening.
Now, there's a ticket for you
at the box office
at Yankee Stadium.
Now go on, go on. Please go.
I got a lot of things
to do around here.
Are you sure that floor
is gonna get in all right?
It'll be fine.
Now just take it easy.
Just go to the ball
game. Enjoy yourself.
Yankee Stadium.
Yankee stadium!
80,000 people are there.
They couldn't possibly meet.
What are you talking about?
Oh, uh, no. I'll, I'll see...
Excuse me.
Red hots!
Get your red hots! Red hots!
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots!
Sonny, I'd like a hot dog.
Red hots! Get your red hots!
Red hots!
Get it right here!
Red hots! Get 'em
while they're hot!
Oh, Mr. Hope.
No, thanks, kid.
Well, Mr. Hope...
Uh, right. Mr. Hope...
Mr. Hope, I'd like to
talk to you for a minute.
Look, I told you I
don't want a hot dog.
But Mr. Hope,
if I could just talk
to you for a second.
Look, you don't get my message.
I don't want a hot dog.
Look upon me as a vegetarian,
will you, please?
Please, please, Mr. Hope...
Will you get this
thing out of here?
The steam is taking
the curl out of my nose.
Will you get out of here?
Please, Mr. Hope.
Mr. Hope, it'll
only take a minute.
You see, I don't
really sell hot dogs.
No? What are you
doing with this thing?
Hatching chickens?
Oh, no. No, no...
Red hots! Get your red hots!
Hey, hey! Here, I'll take one.
Oh, all right.
Would you pass this,
Mr. Hope, please?
The gentleman right over there.
I want to talk to you
when I get a chance.
Would you pass this
over there, please?
Thank you very much.
What I have to talk to you about
is very important, Mr. Hope.
Would you give him
the change, please?
There you are, sir.
Hey, I'll have one, too.
Oh, uh, yes, ma'am.
Yes, ma'am. Here, Mr. Hope,
would you pass that, please?
Hey, you forgot my relish.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry.
There you are, sir. Thank you.
Would you pass
this over, please?
All of a sudden, I
feel like UNIVAC.
Oh, Mr. Hope, have
you got change for a five?
Five? Hey, can I
have some mustard?
Yes. I'm sorry.
Could I have some mustard, too?
I got change for a five.
I could shave you,
but I got a little
action going here.
Mustard. A little mustard
right there, please.
This is mine.
Okay. Here you are.
Ma'am wants a little mustard.
Right.
There you are. Fine.
I've...
Will you put a bun
around this finger?
It looks delicious.
Oh, Mr. Hope, I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's all right.
What was that? What was that?
Oh, nothing. Somebody
just hit the ball over the fence.
Oh, no. Al Rosen hits a home run
and I gotta miss it. Oh, no!
I'm sorry, Mr. Hope,
but if you can just let me
talk to you for just a minute.
I'm trying to watch the game.
Will you leave me...
What is it?
Mr. Hope, please,
I have got to talk to you.
Yeah, but, honey...
This is important.
It's my tie. This
is very important.
I didn't come to the ball game
just to talk to you.
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots right here!
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots!
This ought to help.
There.
Ooh.
Ah, that's what I've
always wanted...
A quick-frozen beret.
Relax for five minutes
and take it easy
and then go back
to see the game.
Mm-hmm.
Mr. Hope... Yeah.
There's a Mr. Ricardo
outside to see you.
Fine. Send him in.
Thank you very much.
Hi, Bob. I heard
about the foul ball.
Are you all right?
Yeah, they can't hurt me.
I used to be in
vaudeville, you know.
I understand that
a hot dog vendor
caused the whole thin'.
Pardon?
A hot dog vendor
caused the whole thin'.
You're trying to
tell me something.
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
A hot dog vendor.
Yeah. Yeah.
Some real weirdo kept saying
he wanted to talk to me...
Yatata, yatata, yatata.
A real weirdo that kept
going yatata, yatata, yatata?
Mm-hmm.
What did this, uh, hot
dog vendor look like?
Oh, tall, red hair.
Uh-oh.
Oh? What?
It could be my wife.
Are you married to a
tall, redheaded weirdo
that goes yatata,
yatata, yatata?
Yes.
With a mustache?
Oh. Well, thank goodness,
for once it wasn't Lucy.
But if you ever bump into
a tall, red-haired weirdo
that goes yatata, yatata, yatata
and doesn't have a moustache,
run for your life.
That's Lucy.
Your wife really like that?
Yes.
You need this more than I do.
Listen, Bob,
I wanted to talk to you about
that, uh, opening for
the club, you know.
You got any ideas
what we should do?
Yeah, I've been thinking it over
and I think we
can do some real...
How's the game coming?
Oh, pretty good,
but the game isn't over
till the last man
is out, you know.
Well, hello, Mr. Hope.
Well, good-bye, Mr. Hope.
Oh, uh, uh, sonny?
Who? Me?
Yeah, you. Come here.
I want to talk to you.
I don't remember seeing
you with the team before.
Uh, no. I'm a new one.
Well, back to the ol' ball game.
Yeah, oh...
Wait a minute.
Say, you must be that new rookie
we brought up from
our farm in Indianapolis.
Uh, yep.
Well, how are things
down on the farm?
Well, farm, uh...
Pigs are all right,
but the cow died.
Well, back to the ol' ball game.
Wait!
I understand you have
quite a throwing arm.
I'd like to see your
pitching motion.
Um, all righty.
What do you pitch? Bonbons?
Well, uh, I could
pitch much better
if I had a chaw of tobacco.
All us pitchers chew
tobacco, you know.
I'll go get some tobacco
and come back and
pitch for you later.
Hey, wait a minute, buddy.
Here. Here's some
chewing tobacco right here.
What's the matter?
Not my brand.
Lucy, who you do
think you're foolin'?
Oh, you were great.
You were a million laughs.
Could I interest you
in a stomach pump?
Look. Would you please
tell me what you are doing?
Well, I was only trying
to get Mr. Hope to
appear at the club.
I'm sorry you got
hit on the head
when I tried to
sell you a hot dog.
Was that you, too?
I told you. Yeah.
I didn't recognize you
without your moustache.
Yeah, well, now you'll
never appear at the club.
I'll be there.
You will?! Yes.
I had the whole
thin' straightened out
with his agent this morning.
This morning?!
Yes. Oh...
Now, look, Bob, we still haven't
decided what we're gonna do.
The opening is tomorrow night.
What do you think?
Well, I've got a
special-material number
about baseball for three people.
We'll need a couple...
I'll need a couple partners
that can sing and dance.
Well, I'm not
exactly Gene Kelly,
but I'd love to do it.
Oh, that's great.
Who else can we get?
You stay out of this.
I didn't say anything.
You mean the Kiss of
Death can sing and dance?
Well, that is a
matter of opinion.
Well, it's an
easy little number.
She might be cute in it.
How can you say that
after all she's done to you?!
I figure if you can't
lick 'em, join 'em.
Nothing doing. We'll
get somebody else.
I'll talk to you later.
Well, back to the ol' ball game.
I forgot my...
Oh, what's wrong, Lucy?
Oh, nothing.
Aw, now, it can't be that bad.
What's the problem?
Well, I really did
want to do that act
with you, Mr. Hope.
All my life I've wanted
to be in show business,
and doing an act with you
would be the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
Well, why don't you do it, then?
Because Ricky won't let me.
He says I'm a jinx.
Aw, no, now, come, come.
Ballplayers never cry.
I'm sorry I got mustard on you
and I'm sorry I made
you get hit on the head.
It's all right. Anytime at all.
And I'm sorry I
hit you on the back
and made you
swallow your tobacco.
Oh, that's all right.
You got a lump on the head
and I got a lump in my stomach.
That's a funny joke.
It is?
Yeah.
Thank you.
You know, I sing and dance
even better than I tell jokes.
No!
Yes.
Then why doesn't Ricky let
you go into show business?
I don't know.
It's just professional
jealousy, I guess.
Oh, you poor thing.
And you know, Mr. Hope,
I'm only trying to help him.
I'm only trying to be
a good wife. That's all.
I can sing and I can dance.
I can do a lot of things.
You have no idea
how talented I am.
May I?
Where'd you go?
I turn around and you were gone.
Don't speak to me,
you Cuban heel.
Wha' happen'?
Wha' happen'? I'll
tell you wha' happen'.
This dear little girl
wants to get into our act
and you won't let her.
All her life she's tried
to get into show business
and you've held her back.
Yeah!
She's the best little...
best little wife
any man ever had
and you don't appreciate her.
Yeah.
I think we ought to let
her do the act with us.
Yeah!
Nothing doing.
No? Well, let
me put it this way:
If she doesn't
do it, I don't do it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah!
Safe!
You're out!
Foul ball!
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ He's the apple
of nobody's eye ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ And I'll never know,
never know why ♪
♪ Oh, they boo and they
hiss and they holler at me ♪
♪ Just because it's a ball
and I call it strike three ♪
♪ I'm not wearin' my
glasses, so how can I see? ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ If I call it a ball, then
they call me a slob ♪
♪ If I call it a strike, then
they call out the mob ♪
♪ If called off the
game, I'd be out of a ♪
♪ Job ♪
♪ Job... ♪
♪ Job... job... ♪
You've got a lifetime
job looking for that note.
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ The very first inning,
the fans all commence ♪
♪ They belt me with bottles ♪
♪ I take no offense ♪
♪ 'Cause each one they
throw, I return for two cents ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ The poor old ump ♪
And that's without a lesson.
Oh, if Marge sees
this, Gower's finished.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Olé!
That'll set Cuba
back a hundred years.
What's the matter?
My spiked shoes
are caught in the floor.
Spiked shoes?
Ay-ay-ay.
Well, come on, fellas.
Give me a couple of yanks.
Yanks? You have
to say that word?
Oh, come on. The legs.
Oh, the legs.
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ He's the apple
of nobody's eye ♪
♪ I'll never know,
never know why ♪
♪ Oh, nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ The ump ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ You're out! ♪
♪ Hey, thanks for the memory ♪
♪ Of being here with you ♪
♪ At your Club Babalu ♪
Thank you.
♪ And through it all ♪
♪ I had a ball in spite
of you-know-who ♪
♪ How lovely it was ♪
I know what you mean.
♪ Gracias por el recuerdo ♪
♪ Acepta, por favor ♪
He's trying to
tell us something.
♪ Nuestro amor ♪
♪ I know I'm dumb,
but translate, chum ♪
♪ In English, please, señor ♪
♪ I said, "How lovely it was." ♪
Why didn't he say so?
Oh, he's a showoff.
You made such a wonderful ump.
♪ I'm afraid that I
danced like a chump ♪
Well, that's all right.
♪ And I'm sorry I
gave you that lump ♪
♪ Well, I don't care ♪
♪ It might grow hair ♪
♪ We thank you ♪
♪ We thank you ♪
♪ So much. ♪ ♪ So much. ♪
Hey, I may never go back to NBC.
Next week, Lilt with new
Squeeze-Bottle Magic
will bring you "I Love Lucy."
"I Love Lucy"
starring Lucille
Ball and Desi Arnaz
has been presented
for your pleasure
by Instant Sanka,
the hardy coffee you can
drink as strong as you like,
it still can't affect
your nerves.
Special lyrics
for tonight's show
were written by Larry Orenstein.
Music was by Eliot Daniel
and Jack Baker did
the choreography.
Our guest star, of
course, was Bob Hope.
"I Love Lucy" is a
Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next
week at this same time.
The hearty coffee you can
drink as strong as you like.
It still can't upset
your nerves.
Brings you the Lucille Ball,
Desi Arnaz Show: "I Love Lucy."
Come on now, Little Ricky,
let me see you swing that bat.
Attaboy! Ha-ha!
You're gonna be
another Mickey Mantle.
Uncle Fred, who's Mickey Mantle?
Who's Mickey Mantle?
Why, he's the guy
they got to replace
Joe DiMaggio.
Who's Joe Maggio?
"Who's Joe Maggio?"
You talk more like
your father every day.
It's Joe DiMaggio.
And he's one of the
greatest Yankees of all time.
Come on now, let me
see you take another swipe
at that old apple.
Boffo!
Right out of the park. Attaboy.
Hi, Daddy.
Hey! Hi! Hi, Rick.
Say, what's going on, partner?
I'm swiping apples.
You're swiping apples?
He means he's taking
a swipe at the old apple.
Oh. Well, let me
see you do it. Go on.
Show him. Show your dad. At 'em!
Hey!
He's gonna be
another Joe Maggio.
Yes, sir.
I'm treating the two
girls and Little Ricky
to the ball game this
afternoon at Yankee Stadium.
Well, that's very generous
of you, Uncle Fred.
Well, it's nothing,
Rick. I'm glad to do it.
Today is Ladies' Day, Daddy.
Oh, it's Ladies' Day.
Uh-huh.
Ladies and little
boys get in free.
"Ladies and little
boys get in free."
Yeah. He's just like his mother.
Yatata, yatata,
yatata, yatata, yatata.
Well, listen, if you're
going to go the ball game,
with Uncle Fred, you'd
better go take a nap, huh?
Okay, Daddy.
You go to sleep now, son.
Good-bye.
Ain't he a dandy?
How about that kid, huh?
He's a dandy.
Listen, did the girls come
back from shopping yet?
No, not yet.
And I'm getting hives
at the thought of Ethel running
loose in a department store
with a loaded charge-a-plate.
Well, listen, Fred,
you can't expect the
girls to go to the opening
of a new nightclub
in an old dress.
Ah, well, it's all
your fault, too.
If you hadn't bought a
piece of the Tropicana,
I wouldn't be buying a
piece of Saks Fifth Avenue.
Listen, you won't
recognize the old Tropicana.
Boy, it's all changed.
It's brand-new furniture,
brand-new paint job
new bandstand, new uniforms...
We even changed the name.
We call it Club Babalu.
Club Babalu?
Yeah. Hey, I like that.
And wait till you hear who I got
for the opening night.
Who?
Bob Hope.
Bob Hope!
Yeah. Bob Hope.
His agent Jimmy Safield
just called me and
said, "It's all set."
Well, that's terrific.
Yeah, there's only
one thing, though.
I made a slip the other day
and Lucy knows that I was trying
to get Bob Hope for
the opening, you know.
How could you pull
a boner like that?
You know how she
acts in front of celebrities.
I know, but I was
talking on the telephone
and I didn't know that
she was in the apartment,
but she doesn't need
to know it's all set
and that Bob is going
to do it. Understand?
Mm-hmm.
So not a word in front of Lucy
and not a word in front of Ethel
and not a word in
front of Little Ricky.
Now we got him to worry about.
Yeah, fine way to live...
Surrounded by blabbermouths.
Hi.
Hiya, honey, what you do?
Buy half of the store?
Well, not quite.
Fred, you'd better
go give Ethel a hand.
She can't get up the stairs.
She's got so many packages.
Oh, good night, nurse.
If I ever find where she
hides that charge-a-plate,
I'll pound the letters down.
Fred.
Where is the baby, honey?
He just went in to take a nap.
Oh, good. Any news
about the opening?
News?
Yeah, about the guest star.
Did you get hold of Bob Hope?
Bob Hope?
Yeah. Did he call you?
Uh... no.
No, Bob Hope didn't call. No.
Well, he certainly knows
that you were waiting
to hear from him.
He knows the opening
is tomorrow night.
Yeah, well, you know,
that's show business.
Well, I can't understand
why he didn't even call you,
for heaven's sake.
Oh, my goodness!
Oh, I just had a
horrible thought.
What?
Ricky, you don't suppose...?
Oh, I know it's a wild idea,
but you don't suppose that
Bob Hope heard about me,
and that's the reason he
hasn't called you, do you?
About you?
Yeah. You know,
those exaggerated reports
about what happens
to a celebrity
when they meet up with me.
No.
No, as bad as you
are, I don't think...
By George,
I hate to say this,
but you may be right.
Oh, no!
Yeah, I think you hit it
right on top of the head.
I think that-that Bob is
afraid even to come near you.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Well...
Oh, I just feel awful.
Well, that's all right, honey.
Oh, this is terrible!
Honey, you're married to a jinx!
Now, now, now, honey...
Yes, you are.
Here are the lineups
and batting orders
for today's game:
For Cleveland, batting first
and playing right
field, Al Smith...
Gee, a baseball game is fun.
Kind of wish I knew
what it was all about.
Kill the umpire!
Stop, Ethel! Stop!
Well, that's what
you always say.
Game hasn't even started.
Oh.
Oh, Lucy, come on, cheer up.
There could be a million
reasons why Bob Hope
hasn't called Ricky.
No, there aren't.
He's heard that every time
I come near a
celebrity, there's trouble.
It happened in Hollywood.
It happened in Europe.
I'm a scourge of two continents.
Oh, now, honey, that's the
silliest thing I ever heard of.
Oh, come on, perk up.
Red hots!
Get your red hots!
Get 'em while they're hot!
Fred, Fred, I'm hungry.
Get me a hot dog.
Did you come out here
to watch a ball game
or to stuff your face?
That guy down there is eating.
He's not eating.
He's a pitcher.
He's chewing tobacco.
A lot of ball players
chew tobacco.
Well, whatever it
is, it sure looks good.
Come on, go get me a hot dog.
That man won't be
back here for hours.
Oh... all right.
Can I have one, Uncle Fred?
Okay, Little Rick. Okay.
Well, as long as you're up,
you might as well
bring me one, too, Fred.
I came out here to
watch a ball game
and I wind up as
a short-order cook.
Fred, come on...
Can I have your
autograph, Mr. Hope?
Well, I don't know.
You seen my latest
picture, The Iron Petticoat?
Yes, sir!
You watch my television show?
Oh, yes, sir.
You root for Cleveland?
I own a piece of
the team, you know.
Yes, sir.
Well, now that you've been
properly brainwashed...
There you are, you lucky boy.
How are you?
How's it going, all right?
Listen, Ethel, you keep an eye
on Little Ricky for
a minute, will you?
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna talk to Bob Hope.
Oh, no, you're not.
No, no, you're not.
Now, listen, now, listen, Ethel,
I'm just gonna explain to him
that I'm not really a jinx
and I'm gonna promise
to stay away from him.
And maybe he'll do Ricky's show.
Oh, Lucy.
May I see your ticket, please?
I just want to talk to Bob Hope.
You and everyone else
in the Yankee Stadium.
I'm sorry.
But this is important.
I've got to see him.
So see him.
Look from here.
You don't understand.
I'm Ricky Ricardo's wife.
Well, that's keen.
I'm Phoebe Krausfeld's
husband, and it's still no dice.
Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs!
Get 'em while they're hot!
Hot dogs!
Hot dog man.
How many, lady?
Um, I think you and I
better have a little talk.
Paul... Paul, the uniforms
are not here yet. They're...
What are they
doing to the floor?!
What's the matter
with the floor?!
Calm down, Rick.
It will be finished today.
And by tomorrow night,
it will be all set in and dry.
Now don't panic!
It's my opening. If I
want to panic, I'll panic.
Oh, say, Rick, before I forget,
Jimmy Safield called.
Bob Hope's out at the ball game.
He wants you to come
out there and look over
the material for the opening.
Now, there's a ticket for you
at the box office
at Yankee Stadium.
Now go on, go on. Please go.
I got a lot of things
to do around here.
Are you sure that floor
is gonna get in all right?
It'll be fine.
Now just take it easy.
Just go to the ball
game. Enjoy yourself.
Yankee Stadium.
Yankee stadium!
80,000 people are there.
They couldn't possibly meet.
What are you talking about?
Oh, uh, no. I'll, I'll see...
Excuse me.
Red hots!
Get your red hots! Red hots!
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots!
Sonny, I'd like a hot dog.
Red hots! Get your red hots!
Red hots!
Get it right here!
Red hots! Get 'em
while they're hot!
Oh, Mr. Hope.
No, thanks, kid.
Well, Mr. Hope...
Uh, right. Mr. Hope...
Mr. Hope, I'd like to
talk to you for a minute.
Look, I told you I
don't want a hot dog.
But Mr. Hope,
if I could just talk
to you for a second.
Look, you don't get my message.
I don't want a hot dog.
Look upon me as a vegetarian,
will you, please?
Please, please, Mr. Hope...
Will you get this
thing out of here?
The steam is taking
the curl out of my nose.
Will you get out of here?
Please, Mr. Hope.
Mr. Hope, it'll
only take a minute.
You see, I don't
really sell hot dogs.
No? What are you
doing with this thing?
Hatching chickens?
Oh, no. No, no...
Red hots! Get your red hots!
Hey, hey! Here, I'll take one.
Oh, all right.
Would you pass this,
Mr. Hope, please?
The gentleman right over there.
I want to talk to you
when I get a chance.
Would you pass this
over there, please?
Thank you very much.
What I have to talk to you about
is very important, Mr. Hope.
Would you give him
the change, please?
There you are, sir.
Hey, I'll have one, too.
Oh, uh, yes, ma'am.
Yes, ma'am. Here, Mr. Hope,
would you pass that, please?
Hey, you forgot my relish.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry.
There you are, sir. Thank you.
Would you pass
this over, please?
All of a sudden, I
feel like UNIVAC.
Oh, Mr. Hope, have
you got change for a five?
Five? Hey, can I
have some mustard?
Yes. I'm sorry.
Could I have some mustard, too?
I got change for a five.
I could shave you,
but I got a little
action going here.
Mustard. A little mustard
right there, please.
This is mine.
Okay. Here you are.
Ma'am wants a little mustard.
Right.
There you are. Fine.
I've...
Will you put a bun
around this finger?
It looks delicious.
Oh, Mr. Hope, I'm sorry.
Yeah, it's all right.
What was that? What was that?
Oh, nothing. Somebody
just hit the ball over the fence.
Oh, no. Al Rosen hits a home run
and I gotta miss it. Oh, no!
I'm sorry, Mr. Hope,
but if you can just let me
talk to you for just a minute.
I'm trying to watch the game.
Will you leave me...
What is it?
Mr. Hope, please,
I have got to talk to you.
Yeah, but, honey...
This is important.
It's my tie. This
is very important.
I didn't come to the ball game
just to talk to you.
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots right here!
Get your red hots!
Get your red hots!
This ought to help.
There.
Ooh.
Ah, that's what I've
always wanted...
A quick-frozen beret.
Relax for five minutes
and take it easy
and then go back
to see the game.
Mm-hmm.
Mr. Hope... Yeah.
There's a Mr. Ricardo
outside to see you.
Fine. Send him in.
Thank you very much.
Hi, Bob. I heard
about the foul ball.
Are you all right?
Yeah, they can't hurt me.
I used to be in
vaudeville, you know.
I understand that
a hot dog vendor
caused the whole thin'.
Pardon?
A hot dog vendor
caused the whole thin'.
You're trying to
tell me something.
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
A hot dog vendor.
Yeah. Yeah.
Some real weirdo kept saying
he wanted to talk to me...
Yatata, yatata, yatata.
A real weirdo that kept
going yatata, yatata, yatata?
Mm-hmm.
What did this, uh, hot
dog vendor look like?
Oh, tall, red hair.
Uh-oh.
Oh? What?
It could be my wife.
Are you married to a
tall, redheaded weirdo
that goes yatata,
yatata, yatata?
Yes.
With a mustache?
Oh. Well, thank goodness,
for once it wasn't Lucy.
But if you ever bump into
a tall, red-haired weirdo
that goes yatata, yatata, yatata
and doesn't have a moustache,
run for your life.
That's Lucy.
Your wife really like that?
Yes.
You need this more than I do.
Listen, Bob,
I wanted to talk to you about
that, uh, opening for
the club, you know.
You got any ideas
what we should do?
Yeah, I've been thinking it over
and I think we
can do some real...
How's the game coming?
Oh, pretty good,
but the game isn't over
till the last man
is out, you know.
Well, hello, Mr. Hope.
Well, good-bye, Mr. Hope.
Oh, uh, uh, sonny?
Who? Me?
Yeah, you. Come here.
I want to talk to you.
I don't remember seeing
you with the team before.
Uh, no. I'm a new one.
Well, back to the ol' ball game.
Yeah, oh...
Wait a minute.
Say, you must be that new rookie
we brought up from
our farm in Indianapolis.
Uh, yep.
Well, how are things
down on the farm?
Well, farm, uh...
Pigs are all right,
but the cow died.
Well, back to the ol' ball game.
Wait!
I understand you have
quite a throwing arm.
I'd like to see your
pitching motion.
Um, all righty.
What do you pitch? Bonbons?
Well, uh, I could
pitch much better
if I had a chaw of tobacco.
All us pitchers chew
tobacco, you know.
I'll go get some tobacco
and come back and
pitch for you later.
Hey, wait a minute, buddy.
Here. Here's some
chewing tobacco right here.
What's the matter?
Not my brand.
Lucy, who you do
think you're foolin'?
Oh, you were great.
You were a million laughs.
Could I interest you
in a stomach pump?
Look. Would you please
tell me what you are doing?
Well, I was only trying
to get Mr. Hope to
appear at the club.
I'm sorry you got
hit on the head
when I tried to
sell you a hot dog.
Was that you, too?
I told you. Yeah.
I didn't recognize you
without your moustache.
Yeah, well, now you'll
never appear at the club.
I'll be there.
You will?! Yes.
I had the whole
thin' straightened out
with his agent this morning.
This morning?!
Yes. Oh...
Now, look, Bob, we still haven't
decided what we're gonna do.
The opening is tomorrow night.
What do you think?
Well, I've got a
special-material number
about baseball for three people.
We'll need a couple...
I'll need a couple partners
that can sing and dance.
Well, I'm not
exactly Gene Kelly,
but I'd love to do it.
Oh, that's great.
Who else can we get?
You stay out of this.
I didn't say anything.
You mean the Kiss of
Death can sing and dance?
Well, that is a
matter of opinion.
Well, it's an
easy little number.
She might be cute in it.
How can you say that
after all she's done to you?!
I figure if you can't
lick 'em, join 'em.
Nothing doing. We'll
get somebody else.
I'll talk to you later.
Well, back to the ol' ball game.
I forgot my...
Oh, what's wrong, Lucy?
Oh, nothing.
Aw, now, it can't be that bad.
What's the problem?
Well, I really did
want to do that act
with you, Mr. Hope.
All my life I've wanted
to be in show business,
and doing an act with you
would be the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
Well, why don't you do it, then?
Because Ricky won't let me.
He says I'm a jinx.
Aw, no, now, come, come.
Ballplayers never cry.
I'm sorry I got mustard on you
and I'm sorry I made
you get hit on the head.
It's all right. Anytime at all.
And I'm sorry I
hit you on the back
and made you
swallow your tobacco.
Oh, that's all right.
You got a lump on the head
and I got a lump in my stomach.
That's a funny joke.
It is?
Yeah.
Thank you.
You know, I sing and dance
even better than I tell jokes.
No!
Yes.
Then why doesn't Ricky let
you go into show business?
I don't know.
It's just professional
jealousy, I guess.
Oh, you poor thing.
And you know, Mr. Hope,
I'm only trying to help him.
I'm only trying to be
a good wife. That's all.
I can sing and I can dance.
I can do a lot of things.
You have no idea
how talented I am.
May I?
Where'd you go?
I turn around and you were gone.
Don't speak to me,
you Cuban heel.
Wha' happen'?
Wha' happen'? I'll
tell you wha' happen'.
This dear little girl
wants to get into our act
and you won't let her.
All her life she's tried
to get into show business
and you've held her back.
Yeah!
She's the best little...
best little wife
any man ever had
and you don't appreciate her.
Yeah.
I think we ought to let
her do the act with us.
Yeah!
Nothing doing.
No? Well, let
me put it this way:
If she doesn't
do it, I don't do it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah!
Safe!
You're out!
Foul ball!
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ He's the apple
of nobody's eye ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ And I'll never know,
never know why ♪
♪ Oh, they boo and they
hiss and they holler at me ♪
♪ Just because it's a ball
and I call it strike three ♪
♪ I'm not wearin' my
glasses, so how can I see? ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ If I call it a ball, then
they call me a slob ♪
♪ If I call it a strike, then
they call out the mob ♪
♪ If called off the
game, I'd be out of a ♪
♪ Job ♪
♪ Job... ♪
♪ Job... job... ♪
You've got a lifetime
job looking for that note.
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ The very first inning,
the fans all commence ♪
♪ They belt me with bottles ♪
♪ I take no offense ♪
♪ 'Cause each one they
throw, I return for two cents ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ The poor old ump ♪
And that's without a lesson.
Oh, if Marge sees
this, Gower's finished.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Olé!
That'll set Cuba
back a hundred years.
What's the matter?
My spiked shoes
are caught in the floor.
Spiked shoes?
Ay-ay-ay.
Well, come on, fellas.
Give me a couple of yanks.
Yanks? You have
to say that word?
Oh, come on. The legs.
Oh, the legs.
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ He's the apple
of nobody's eye ♪
♪ I'll never know,
never know why ♪
♪ Oh, nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ The ump ♪
♪ Nobody loves the ump ♪
♪ You're out! ♪
♪ Hey, thanks for the memory ♪
♪ Of being here with you ♪
♪ At your Club Babalu ♪
Thank you.
♪ And through it all ♪
♪ I had a ball in spite
of you-know-who ♪
♪ How lovely it was ♪
I know what you mean.
♪ Gracias por el recuerdo ♪
♪ Acepta, por favor ♪
He's trying to
tell us something.
♪ Nuestro amor ♪
♪ I know I'm dumb,
but translate, chum ♪
♪ In English, please, señor ♪
♪ I said, "How lovely it was." ♪
Why didn't he say so?
Oh, he's a showoff.
You made such a wonderful ump.
♪ I'm afraid that I
danced like a chump ♪
Well, that's all right.
♪ And I'm sorry I
gave you that lump ♪
♪ Well, I don't care ♪
♪ It might grow hair ♪
♪ We thank you ♪
♪ We thank you ♪
♪ So much. ♪ ♪ So much. ♪
Hey, I may never go back to NBC.
Next week, Lilt with new
Squeeze-Bottle Magic
will bring you "I Love Lucy."
"I Love Lucy"
starring Lucille
Ball and Desi Arnaz
has been presented
for your pleasure
by Instant Sanka,
the hardy coffee you can
drink as strong as you like,
it still can't affect
your nerves.
Special lyrics
for tonight's show
were written by Larry Orenstein.
Music was by Eliot Daniel
and Jack Baker did
the choreography.
Our guest star, of
course, was Bob Hope.
"I Love Lucy" is a
Desilu production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next
week at this same time.