I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 5, Episode 9 - Nursery School - full transcript
Little Ricky is sent to nursery school and gets tonsillitis.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
(sighing)
Lucy, can I borrow an egg?
I'm baking a cake and I'm short one.
(sighing loudly)
(sputtering)
What's the matter?
Are you sick or something?
No. I spent the day
with Little Ricky in the park.
I am suffering from a disease
common to mothers of three-year-old
children.
It is called "poop-itis."
Oh-ho-ho-ho. He really gives you a
workout, doesn't he?
He never stops running.
Well, is there anything I can do for
you?
Yeah, help me put my feet up on the
couch.
Okay, honey.
Oh, you poor little thing.
Oh, gosh.
Want me to take off your boots?
No, thanks. I'll take them off later.
Help yourself to the eggs.
Okay. I hope you feel better
after you've rested a while.
(mumbling)
Hi, hon.
Oh, hi.
What are you doing lying there
with your coat and your boots on?
Motherhood.
Lucy!
Relax, dear.
I meant motherhood of a
three-year-old child.
(chuckling): Oh.
Did Ricky give you a tough day?
No, just the same as any other day.
After breakfast, I put on his snow
suit.
I pull on his galoshes.
He chases the pigeons.
I chase after him.
He runs after the squirrels.
I run after him.
He gets on the swing.
I push the swing.
We go on the teeter-totter.
He teeters, I totter.
Then we leave the park and we walk
home.
I pull off his galoshes and I pull
off his mittens.
I pull off his snow suit.
I fix his lunch.
I put him down for his nap
and he sleeps for a whole half-hour.
Well, that sounds very...
After his nap,
I put on his snow suit, pull on his
galoshes
and I pull on his mittens, we walk
back to the park.
He chases after the pigeons.
I chase after him.
He runs after the squirrels.
I run after him.
He gets on the swing.
I push the swing.
We get on the teeter-totter.
He teeters.
By now, I'm really tottering.
We leave the park.
We walk home.
I pull off his galoshes.
I pull off his mittens.
I pull off his snow suit.
I tell him to go in his room and play
with his teddy bear.
And that is why you find me sitting
here
with my coat and my boots on.
Phew!
Wow!
What's the matter with you?
I'm worn out from just listening.
Honestly, I'm so tired, I could
scream.
Well, go ahead and scream.
It'll do you good.
I'm too tired.
Honey, it's just silly for you to get
this tired every day.
Little Ricky is three years old now.
There's only one thing to do.
Now, don't start that again.
What again?
You want me to send him to nursery
school.
That's right.
Well, I won't hear of it.
He's entirely too young.
You said that six months ago.
And I was right.
We're just gonna have to wait until
he gets older.
How much older?
Well, until I feel he's old enough
to go to nursery school.
Well, he's gonna look pretty silly
playing in a sand pile when he's 30
years old.
Now, honey, don't be funny.
Now, look, it's not, it's not fair to
the kid.
He needs children his own age to play
with.
He has plenty of playmates.
Who?
Me, Ethel, Fred.
Well, Fred and you and Ethel
are not exactly Little Ricky's age.
Although at times you act like you
were.
It may interest you to know
that one of the world's leading
authorities on baby care
does not think he should go to
nursery school.
Who's that?
Dr. Spock.
I've been reading his book
ever since Little Ricky was born.
Now, this is what he has to say on
the subject. I quote,
"A good nursery school does not take
the place of home."
So, there.
Well, that doesn't sound right to me.
Let me see that book.
I told you what it said.
What's good enough for Dr. Spock
is good enough for me.
Let me see the book.
Give it to me.
Why'd you want to see the book?
I told you what it says.
I want to see the...
Uh-huh. You didn't quite finish that
sentence.
"A good nursery school doesn't take
the place of the home.
"It adds to it.
"Most children benefit from a good
nursery school.
"It is particularly valuable for the
only child,
"for the child without much chance to
play with others
and for the child who lives in a
small apartment."
That's what the good doctor says.
Well, what does he know?
This man is supposed to be one of the
authorities on baby care.
He says that Little Ricky should go
to nursery school.
I don't care.
Well, I do.
I say that he should go to nursery
school
and so does Dr. Spook.
Dr. Spock, and he doesn't know
everything.
Well...
was he ever a mother?
Now, Lucy...
He can't go. He'll catch germs there.
Germs?
Yes. All those other children have
germs.
And I suppose that we have
the only sanitary child in New York
City.
You know perfectly well
that as soon as a child starts to go
to school,
they come home with chicken pox and
measles
and all sorts of nasty little
diseases.
Well, that's part of being a child.
What are you gonna do?
Seal him up in a plastic bag until
he's 21 years old?
Oh...
Now, look, Lucy, this does it.
I want you to promise me that
tomorrow morning
you are going to enroll Little Ricky
in nursery school.
No buts.
But Ricky...
No, no buts!
All right.
All right.
You'll be a better mother, too.
You won't get so tired.
("Pop Goes the Weasel" playing)
(wailing)
What's the matter?
What are you crying about?
We're losing our baby.
Now, honey, it's only nursery school.
Today, nursery school.
Tomorrow, college.
And then he'll get married and have
children of his own.
We'll never see him again.
(chuckling): Oh... now, Mama.
Come on.
(sobbing): I'm losing my baby.
(chuckling)
Lucy?
Yeah?
Have you seen Ethel?
Not since this morning.
She took Little Ricky to the park
while I went to nursery school.
You went to nursery school?
Yeah.
I thought you promised Ricky
you'd take the baby to nursery
school.
I promised him I would enroll the
baby in nursery school
and I did enroll him.
I didn't promise he would attend.
Oh, brother.
What's he gonna say when he hears
that?
Nothing, if we all keep our big
blabbery lips buttoned up.
Now, don't worry.
I'm not the one to break that kind of
news to him.
Well.
Hi.
Hi, Rick. Got to check the furnace.
Bye, Rick.
He sure is in a hurry.
Yeah.
Say, uh, how did Little Ricky like
nursery school?
Uh...
You took him, didn't you?
I enrolled him just like I promised
you.
Well, how did he like it?
He didn't say.
He's a close-mouthed little rascal.
What are you talking about, honey?
What did they do there?
Oh, you know the kind of things they
do
in nursery school.
No, I don't.
You went to nursery school in Cuba,
didn't you?
Yeah.
Well, they do the same things over
here, only in English.
Lucy, what's the big, uh, secret?
I mean, what, what, what's, uh...
What-what do they have over there?
Well, it's sort of hard to describe.
What do you mean, hard to describe?
Do they, uh...
Th-They must have sand piles and
swings and slides.
Good. That's just what they have.
Well, how about finger-painting and,
uh... building blocks?
All right.
What else do they have?
Oh, you name it and they got it.
I got to finish my cake.
Remarkable school.
Lucy?
Yeah?
Say, listen, Lucy,
I've been thinking this over.
And I'll bet you when Ricky finds out
that you didn't take the baby to
nursery...
Aha!
Thank you, Ethel bean-spiller.
Lucy, come here.
Hi, Ricky.
RICKY: Lucy!
Gee, I didn't know you were home.
I didn't hear you come up the stairs.
Oh, you!
Well, it's all your fault.
You're the one that pestered Fred
to have the stairs carpeted.
Oh...
Come here.
Why did you tell me
that you took Ricky to nursery
school?
I didn't.
You did, too.
I did not!
I said I enrolled him and I did
enroll him.
I just didn't take him there.
Lucy, I'm ashamed of you.
Well, I tried, but he refused.
He refused?
Yes, yes. Ethel was right here
when I asked him.
Didn't I ask him?
Yup, she asked him.
She said, "Little Ricky,
"you don't want to go to that nasty
old school, do you?"
Whose side are you on?
Oh, what's the difference.
I'm glad the cat's out of the bag.
I'm his godmother and I think he
should
go to nursery school.
If you ask me...
Yeah, well, nobody's asking you.
Just butt out!
Never mind.
You keep butting in.
I never know anything around here
if you didn't come up once in a while
and spin the beans out of the cat
bag.
It's not "spin the beans out of the
cat bag."
It's, it's "spill the beans" or "let
the cat out of the bag."
It doesn't matter which way it goes.
The only thing that is important is
that tomorrow morning
Little Ricky is gonna go to nursery
school
because I am going to take him.
This is delicious.
RICKY: Little Ricky, come on.
Let's go to nursery school.
Little Ricky?
Come on, amigo!
Let's go to nursery school.
You seen Little Ricky?
No.
What do you mean, "no"?
Where can he be?
Maybe he didn't want to go to nursery
school,
so he ran away from home.
Lucy, you've hidden him!
Why, whatever makes you say a thing
like that?
Ay, mira que tiene esta mujer, las
cosas...
Little Ricky, where are you?
Little Ricky!
Little Ricky?!
Lucy, where is he?
I'll never tell.
Little Ricky, come out wherever
you're hiding! Come on out!
Why don't you try calling "Olly,
olly, oxen free!"
What does that mean?
Oh, I forget you're unfamiliar
with our American expressions.
You see, in this country,
children have a game called
hide-and-seek.
And when the player who is "it"
wants all of his little playmates
to come out from wherever they're
hiding,
he yells, "Olly, olly, oxen free!"
And all the little children come
scampering out,
and the game is over.
And do you also have an expression
for whenever a husband is tired of
playing hide-and-seek,
and he's just about read to hit the
wife in the nose?
Uh, not up to now, we don't.
Look, I have a right to know where he
is.
He's half my child, you know?
Well, he's half mine, too,
and, unfortunately, when I hid my
half,
your half went right along with it.
Well, unfortunately,
your half has to go to nursery school
with my half.
Not until you find him.
Lucy, where is he?
(door opening)
There he is!
Fred! I thought I told you to stay
out
until at least 11:00.
Come on, son.
How are you, partner?
Oh, Fred!
Oh, sweetie pie!
I'll talk to you later.
You're going to nursery school.
Oh, please.
You be a good boy now.
Mind the teacher,
and don't go near any of these other
children that have germs!
Oh...
Fred Mertz!
Aah, don't start on me, Lucy.
I'm too weak to defend myself.
Men are not cut out to be mothers.
Oh...
He just loved school.
He didn't even want to come home.
No kidding.
That's wonderful.
Yeah, and look, look, his first
painting.
ETHEL: Oh, isn't that great?
Isn't it wonderful?
ETHEL: Yeah.
You know what it is, don't you?
Sure.
Yeah.
What?
Oh, uh...
It's a sailboat.
Oh, Ethel, it's a house.
It is?
Sure.
Well, now, wait a minute.
You're both wrong.
It's an elephant.
You know, he's smarter than I
thought.
This is a picture of an elephant
sailing a houseboat.
That's right. Yeah.
Of course it is.
That's right.
Isn't it wonderful. I'm going to have
it framed and hang it
in my bedroom.
You can...
RICKY: Hi.
Honey, honey,
Look! Look! Hi, Rick.
The first thing your son ever did in
school.
Well, how about that?!
Isn't that great?
Yes, it is.
Isn't it wonderful?
Boy!
I bet, I bet he's gonna be another
Grandpa Moses.
You know what it is, don't you?
Why, sure. It's a...
It's an, it's an elephant sailing a
houseboat.
Of course. Sure.
What else could it be?
That's right.
Isn't that wonderful?
Isn't that wonderful the talent that
child has shown in one day?
Well, it's hereditary, you know.
Oh, hereditary!
It's the nursery school.
It's working out fine just like I
told you it would.
Like you...?
(chuckling): Mira que esta
muchacha...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, now, watch your
language.
The baby will be learning Spanish any
day now.
(laughing)
Oh, I think I hear the baby.
The baby learning Spanish!
He's too young.
Well, I don't know.
I was speaking Spanish when I was his
age.
Oh, well...
Well, I hope you are satisfied.
Well, what's the matter?
The baby is sneezing.
Sneezing?
I told you that nursery school
is nothing but a hotbed of bacteria.
Dr. Gettleman?
This is Lucy Ricardo.
Something's wrong with our baby.
Can you come over right away?
There's nothing to worry about, Mrs.
Ricardo.
It's just a mild tonsillitis.
Are you sure?
Oh, yes.
I'll write you a prescription.
You and that nursery school!
You can't blame it on the nursery
school, Mrs. Ricardo.
After all, this is the fourth attack
of tonsillitis
Little Ricky's had this year.
It's all your fault.
My fault?
He just told you it had nothing to do
with nursery school.
He inherited his weak tonsils from
you.
What are you talking about?
Everybody knows Cubans have weak
tonsils.
Doctor, do Cubans have weak tonsils?
Not that I ever heard of.
Thank you.
Well, he certainly didn't get them
from me.
I had the strongest tonsils on the
block.
They'd bulge with muscles.
People used to come from miles around
saying, "Let me look at your
tonsils."
Oh...
Well...
I'm afraid you'll have a siege like
this to look forward to
every time he has a cold, Mrs.
Ricardo.
Oh, dear!
As I strongly I advise that when this
infection clears up,
we remove those tonsils.
Oh, no, Doctor!
Well, honey, we don't have to decide
right now.
He's just a little baby!
We can talk about it later.
I know, sweetheart.
Thank you for coming, Doctor.
I'll drop this at the drugstore
and have them send it up.
That infection will clear up in a few
days.
Well...
Good night.
Good night.
Good night, Doctor.
Oh...
LITTLE RICKY: Mama!
Oh, I'm coming, dear.
LITTLE RICKY: Mama, my teddy bear.
Oh, he wants his teddy bear.
The patient is being flown in.
Tell all those medical students
interested
to be ready to come over as soon as
we call.
This is a most unusual operation.
Good-bye.
Come on, honey.
Let's go.
Oh, I hate to leave the baby like
this.
Honey, the operation was over hours
ago.
The baby's in fine shape.
He's getting the best of care.
You haven't eaten all day. Come on,
you gotta eat something.
Oh, all right.
Nurse?
Yes?
Please take good care of our little
boy until we get back.
Ricky Ricardo Jr., Room 602.
We will.
Okay. I'll be right back as soon as I
have dinner
and then you won't have to bother,
'cause I'm gonna spend the night with
him.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Ricardo.
Parents are not allowed
to stay overnight with their
children.
Oh, but this is the first time
our baby's ever been in a hospital
and I promised him.
Oh, my dear, I'm sorry-- regulations.
Re-re... Well, well, we'll just have
to get permission.
We'll have to call Dr. Gettleman.
I'm afraid that won't do you any
good.
But I... I promised him.
But, honey...
Well, she says it's regulations.
But, honey, I promised him. I
promised him.
I... I've never broken a promise to
him in my life.
I know, honey. Well, you shouldn't
have promised...
And I-I promised that I'd bring him
his teddy bear
so he could to cuddle with it.
I know, honey, but there's nothing
you can do about it.
It's against regulations.
There's nothing we can do about it.
Now, come on, let me get some dinner
for you
and have a good night's sleep, huh?
Come on.
Good night.
Good night.
See you in the morning.
Yeah. See you in the morning.
Yes?
Good evening.
Can I help you?
No, thank you.
Are you a patient?
Oh, of course.
The maternity ward
is just in there, to the right.
Would you register first, please?
(mumbling): ...in the morning. Thank
you.
Wait a minute!
Say, did you just send up a maternity
case?
You didn't?!
Thanks.
Madam?
Madam!
NURSE: Madam!
Where did she go?
Madam?
Did a red-haired woman just go
through here?
I didn't see anyone. Why?
Well, she just ran right by my desk.
Patient?
Maternity.
When?
Any minute.
I mean, when did she run past you?
Just now.
Look, if you see her let me know,
will you?
Okay.
(murmur of conversation)
(hospital staff chattering)
All right, nurse, we're ready for the
next patient.
Uh, just a minute. Let go.
What's the matter?
M-M-My patient changed his mind.
He doesn't want an operation.
Do you? No, no, no.
He's decided to hang on to whatever
it was
you were gonna take out.
Oh, cut the nonsense.
Now, wait a minute.
Dr. Barnett's waiting to perform this
operation.
Believe me, this man does not want to
be cut open!
He does not want to be cut open!
This man does not want to be cut
open!
Gentlemen, I want to apologize
for calling you in here at this hour
of the night,
but this is a most unusual operation.
You may never have a chance
of seeing anything like this again.
Thought you should see it.
I understand a few of you
have never witnessed surgery before,
and under those circumstances,
we always have a few incidents of
fainting.
Now, if you feel as though you're
going to keel over,
why, just step back,
so you don't fall over the patient.
(clamoring)
LUCY: Listen, you don't understand.
This is a mistake.
A big mistake.
Nurse, what's going on here?
M-My patient has changed his mind.
He doesn't want to have the
operation.
He doesn't want to have the
operation?
No, he doesn't want any part of this
whole ordeal.
Well, why, you've got the sheet
pulled over his head.
He can't stand the sight of blood.
Why, why, this is most unusual.
Oh, he says he wants to go home.
I'm gonna have to take him home.
He lives quite a ways from here-- New
Rochelle.
I have to take him all the way out
there.
This is unusual.
Well, what patient is that?
This is your patient for the
operation, Doctor.
Well, what patient is this?
(groaning)
Get ahold of yourself.
Doctor!
Nurse?
Yes?
Look, I'm looking for my wife, Mrs.
Ricardo,
and I think she's in Room 602 with
our child.
No, she couldn't be.
It isn't permitted.
Well, I got a feeling that that's
where she is.
You evidently don't know our rules.
Well, you evidently don't know my
wife.
No one missing from the psychiatric
ward, Nurse.
Thank you, dear.
I'll keep looking.
Look, if you would just take me to
Room...
Oh, I'm awfully sorry,
but I just don't have the time.
The whole hospital's in a turmoil,
trying to find
some screwball, redheaded nurse that
has gone berserk.
Was she carrying a teddy bear?
How did you know?
Well, let me put it this way.
I am looking for my screwball,
redheaded wife
who has been berserk for 15 years.
Now, if you'll just take me to this
Room 602,
I got a hunch that we're gonna solve
both our problems.
Well, very well, but I'm quite sure
it won't do a bit of good.
Well, you never can tell.
It's entirely against the rules.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: Dr. Gettleman was played
by Olan Soule.
Dr. Barnett was played by Howard
Hoffman
and the nurses were Iva Shepard,
Maxine Semon,
Bob Brubaker and Allan Ray.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at the same
time.
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
(sighing)
Lucy, can I borrow an egg?
I'm baking a cake and I'm short one.
(sighing loudly)
(sputtering)
What's the matter?
Are you sick or something?
No. I spent the day
with Little Ricky in the park.
I am suffering from a disease
common to mothers of three-year-old
children.
It is called "poop-itis."
Oh-ho-ho-ho. He really gives you a
workout, doesn't he?
He never stops running.
Well, is there anything I can do for
you?
Yeah, help me put my feet up on the
couch.
Okay, honey.
Oh, you poor little thing.
Oh, gosh.
Want me to take off your boots?
No, thanks. I'll take them off later.
Help yourself to the eggs.
Okay. I hope you feel better
after you've rested a while.
(mumbling)
Hi, hon.
Oh, hi.
What are you doing lying there
with your coat and your boots on?
Motherhood.
Lucy!
Relax, dear.
I meant motherhood of a
three-year-old child.
(chuckling): Oh.
Did Ricky give you a tough day?
No, just the same as any other day.
After breakfast, I put on his snow
suit.
I pull on his galoshes.
He chases the pigeons.
I chase after him.
He runs after the squirrels.
I run after him.
He gets on the swing.
I push the swing.
We go on the teeter-totter.
He teeters, I totter.
Then we leave the park and we walk
home.
I pull off his galoshes and I pull
off his mittens.
I pull off his snow suit.
I fix his lunch.
I put him down for his nap
and he sleeps for a whole half-hour.
Well, that sounds very...
After his nap,
I put on his snow suit, pull on his
galoshes
and I pull on his mittens, we walk
back to the park.
He chases after the pigeons.
I chase after him.
He runs after the squirrels.
I run after him.
He gets on the swing.
I push the swing.
We get on the teeter-totter.
He teeters.
By now, I'm really tottering.
We leave the park.
We walk home.
I pull off his galoshes.
I pull off his mittens.
I pull off his snow suit.
I tell him to go in his room and play
with his teddy bear.
And that is why you find me sitting
here
with my coat and my boots on.
Phew!
Wow!
What's the matter with you?
I'm worn out from just listening.
Honestly, I'm so tired, I could
scream.
Well, go ahead and scream.
It'll do you good.
I'm too tired.
Honey, it's just silly for you to get
this tired every day.
Little Ricky is three years old now.
There's only one thing to do.
Now, don't start that again.
What again?
You want me to send him to nursery
school.
That's right.
Well, I won't hear of it.
He's entirely too young.
You said that six months ago.
And I was right.
We're just gonna have to wait until
he gets older.
How much older?
Well, until I feel he's old enough
to go to nursery school.
Well, he's gonna look pretty silly
playing in a sand pile when he's 30
years old.
Now, honey, don't be funny.
Now, look, it's not, it's not fair to
the kid.
He needs children his own age to play
with.
He has plenty of playmates.
Who?
Me, Ethel, Fred.
Well, Fred and you and Ethel
are not exactly Little Ricky's age.
Although at times you act like you
were.
It may interest you to know
that one of the world's leading
authorities on baby care
does not think he should go to
nursery school.
Who's that?
Dr. Spock.
I've been reading his book
ever since Little Ricky was born.
Now, this is what he has to say on
the subject. I quote,
"A good nursery school does not take
the place of home."
So, there.
Well, that doesn't sound right to me.
Let me see that book.
I told you what it said.
What's good enough for Dr. Spock
is good enough for me.
Let me see the book.
Give it to me.
Why'd you want to see the book?
I told you what it says.
I want to see the...
Uh-huh. You didn't quite finish that
sentence.
"A good nursery school doesn't take
the place of the home.
"It adds to it.
"Most children benefit from a good
nursery school.
"It is particularly valuable for the
only child,
"for the child without much chance to
play with others
and for the child who lives in a
small apartment."
That's what the good doctor says.
Well, what does he know?
This man is supposed to be one of the
authorities on baby care.
He says that Little Ricky should go
to nursery school.
I don't care.
Well, I do.
I say that he should go to nursery
school
and so does Dr. Spook.
Dr. Spock, and he doesn't know
everything.
Well...
was he ever a mother?
Now, Lucy...
He can't go. He'll catch germs there.
Germs?
Yes. All those other children have
germs.
And I suppose that we have
the only sanitary child in New York
City.
You know perfectly well
that as soon as a child starts to go
to school,
they come home with chicken pox and
measles
and all sorts of nasty little
diseases.
Well, that's part of being a child.
What are you gonna do?
Seal him up in a plastic bag until
he's 21 years old?
Oh...
Now, look, Lucy, this does it.
I want you to promise me that
tomorrow morning
you are going to enroll Little Ricky
in nursery school.
No buts.
But Ricky...
No, no buts!
All right.
All right.
You'll be a better mother, too.
You won't get so tired.
("Pop Goes the Weasel" playing)
(wailing)
What's the matter?
What are you crying about?
We're losing our baby.
Now, honey, it's only nursery school.
Today, nursery school.
Tomorrow, college.
And then he'll get married and have
children of his own.
We'll never see him again.
(chuckling): Oh... now, Mama.
Come on.
(sobbing): I'm losing my baby.
(chuckling)
Lucy?
Yeah?
Have you seen Ethel?
Not since this morning.
She took Little Ricky to the park
while I went to nursery school.
You went to nursery school?
Yeah.
I thought you promised Ricky
you'd take the baby to nursery
school.
I promised him I would enroll the
baby in nursery school
and I did enroll him.
I didn't promise he would attend.
Oh, brother.
What's he gonna say when he hears
that?
Nothing, if we all keep our big
blabbery lips buttoned up.
Now, don't worry.
I'm not the one to break that kind of
news to him.
Well.
Hi.
Hi, Rick. Got to check the furnace.
Bye, Rick.
He sure is in a hurry.
Yeah.
Say, uh, how did Little Ricky like
nursery school?
Uh...
You took him, didn't you?
I enrolled him just like I promised
you.
Well, how did he like it?
He didn't say.
He's a close-mouthed little rascal.
What are you talking about, honey?
What did they do there?
Oh, you know the kind of things they
do
in nursery school.
No, I don't.
You went to nursery school in Cuba,
didn't you?
Yeah.
Well, they do the same things over
here, only in English.
Lucy, what's the big, uh, secret?
I mean, what, what, what's, uh...
What-what do they have over there?
Well, it's sort of hard to describe.
What do you mean, hard to describe?
Do they, uh...
Th-They must have sand piles and
swings and slides.
Good. That's just what they have.
Well, how about finger-painting and,
uh... building blocks?
All right.
What else do they have?
Oh, you name it and they got it.
I got to finish my cake.
Remarkable school.
Lucy?
Yeah?
Say, listen, Lucy,
I've been thinking this over.
And I'll bet you when Ricky finds out
that you didn't take the baby to
nursery...
Aha!
Thank you, Ethel bean-spiller.
Lucy, come here.
Hi, Ricky.
RICKY: Lucy!
Gee, I didn't know you were home.
I didn't hear you come up the stairs.
Oh, you!
Well, it's all your fault.
You're the one that pestered Fred
to have the stairs carpeted.
Oh...
Come here.
Why did you tell me
that you took Ricky to nursery
school?
I didn't.
You did, too.
I did not!
I said I enrolled him and I did
enroll him.
I just didn't take him there.
Lucy, I'm ashamed of you.
Well, I tried, but he refused.
He refused?
Yes, yes. Ethel was right here
when I asked him.
Didn't I ask him?
Yup, she asked him.
She said, "Little Ricky,
"you don't want to go to that nasty
old school, do you?"
Whose side are you on?
Oh, what's the difference.
I'm glad the cat's out of the bag.
I'm his godmother and I think he
should
go to nursery school.
If you ask me...
Yeah, well, nobody's asking you.
Just butt out!
Never mind.
You keep butting in.
I never know anything around here
if you didn't come up once in a while
and spin the beans out of the cat
bag.
It's not "spin the beans out of the
cat bag."
It's, it's "spill the beans" or "let
the cat out of the bag."
It doesn't matter which way it goes.
The only thing that is important is
that tomorrow morning
Little Ricky is gonna go to nursery
school
because I am going to take him.
This is delicious.
RICKY: Little Ricky, come on.
Let's go to nursery school.
Little Ricky?
Come on, amigo!
Let's go to nursery school.
You seen Little Ricky?
No.
What do you mean, "no"?
Where can he be?
Maybe he didn't want to go to nursery
school,
so he ran away from home.
Lucy, you've hidden him!
Why, whatever makes you say a thing
like that?
Ay, mira que tiene esta mujer, las
cosas...
Little Ricky, where are you?
Little Ricky!
Little Ricky?!
Lucy, where is he?
I'll never tell.
Little Ricky, come out wherever
you're hiding! Come on out!
Why don't you try calling "Olly,
olly, oxen free!"
What does that mean?
Oh, I forget you're unfamiliar
with our American expressions.
You see, in this country,
children have a game called
hide-and-seek.
And when the player who is "it"
wants all of his little playmates
to come out from wherever they're
hiding,
he yells, "Olly, olly, oxen free!"
And all the little children come
scampering out,
and the game is over.
And do you also have an expression
for whenever a husband is tired of
playing hide-and-seek,
and he's just about read to hit the
wife in the nose?
Uh, not up to now, we don't.
Look, I have a right to know where he
is.
He's half my child, you know?
Well, he's half mine, too,
and, unfortunately, when I hid my
half,
your half went right along with it.
Well, unfortunately,
your half has to go to nursery school
with my half.
Not until you find him.
Lucy, where is he?
(door opening)
There he is!
Fred! I thought I told you to stay
out
until at least 11:00.
Come on, son.
How are you, partner?
Oh, Fred!
Oh, sweetie pie!
I'll talk to you later.
You're going to nursery school.
Oh, please.
You be a good boy now.
Mind the teacher,
and don't go near any of these other
children that have germs!
Oh...
Fred Mertz!
Aah, don't start on me, Lucy.
I'm too weak to defend myself.
Men are not cut out to be mothers.
Oh...
He just loved school.
He didn't even want to come home.
No kidding.
That's wonderful.
Yeah, and look, look, his first
painting.
ETHEL: Oh, isn't that great?
Isn't it wonderful?
ETHEL: Yeah.
You know what it is, don't you?
Sure.
Yeah.
What?
Oh, uh...
It's a sailboat.
Oh, Ethel, it's a house.
It is?
Sure.
Well, now, wait a minute.
You're both wrong.
It's an elephant.
You know, he's smarter than I
thought.
This is a picture of an elephant
sailing a houseboat.
That's right. Yeah.
Of course it is.
That's right.
Isn't it wonderful. I'm going to have
it framed and hang it
in my bedroom.
You can...
RICKY: Hi.
Honey, honey,
Look! Look! Hi, Rick.
The first thing your son ever did in
school.
Well, how about that?!
Isn't that great?
Yes, it is.
Isn't it wonderful?
Boy!
I bet, I bet he's gonna be another
Grandpa Moses.
You know what it is, don't you?
Why, sure. It's a...
It's an, it's an elephant sailing a
houseboat.
Of course. Sure.
What else could it be?
That's right.
Isn't that wonderful?
Isn't that wonderful the talent that
child has shown in one day?
Well, it's hereditary, you know.
Oh, hereditary!
It's the nursery school.
It's working out fine just like I
told you it would.
Like you...?
(chuckling): Mira que esta
muchacha...
Hey, hey, hey, hey, now, watch your
language.
The baby will be learning Spanish any
day now.
(laughing)
Oh, I think I hear the baby.
The baby learning Spanish!
He's too young.
Well, I don't know.
I was speaking Spanish when I was his
age.
Oh, well...
Well, I hope you are satisfied.
Well, what's the matter?
The baby is sneezing.
Sneezing?
I told you that nursery school
is nothing but a hotbed of bacteria.
Dr. Gettleman?
This is Lucy Ricardo.
Something's wrong with our baby.
Can you come over right away?
There's nothing to worry about, Mrs.
Ricardo.
It's just a mild tonsillitis.
Are you sure?
Oh, yes.
I'll write you a prescription.
You and that nursery school!
You can't blame it on the nursery
school, Mrs. Ricardo.
After all, this is the fourth attack
of tonsillitis
Little Ricky's had this year.
It's all your fault.
My fault?
He just told you it had nothing to do
with nursery school.
He inherited his weak tonsils from
you.
What are you talking about?
Everybody knows Cubans have weak
tonsils.
Doctor, do Cubans have weak tonsils?
Not that I ever heard of.
Thank you.
Well, he certainly didn't get them
from me.
I had the strongest tonsils on the
block.
They'd bulge with muscles.
People used to come from miles around
saying, "Let me look at your
tonsils."
Oh...
Well...
I'm afraid you'll have a siege like
this to look forward to
every time he has a cold, Mrs.
Ricardo.
Oh, dear!
As I strongly I advise that when this
infection clears up,
we remove those tonsils.
Oh, no, Doctor!
Well, honey, we don't have to decide
right now.
He's just a little baby!
We can talk about it later.
I know, sweetheart.
Thank you for coming, Doctor.
I'll drop this at the drugstore
and have them send it up.
That infection will clear up in a few
days.
Well...
Good night.
Good night.
Good night, Doctor.
Oh...
LITTLE RICKY: Mama!
Oh, I'm coming, dear.
LITTLE RICKY: Mama, my teddy bear.
Oh, he wants his teddy bear.
The patient is being flown in.
Tell all those medical students
interested
to be ready to come over as soon as
we call.
This is a most unusual operation.
Good-bye.
Come on, honey.
Let's go.
Oh, I hate to leave the baby like
this.
Honey, the operation was over hours
ago.
The baby's in fine shape.
He's getting the best of care.
You haven't eaten all day. Come on,
you gotta eat something.
Oh, all right.
Nurse?
Yes?
Please take good care of our little
boy until we get back.
Ricky Ricardo Jr., Room 602.
We will.
Okay. I'll be right back as soon as I
have dinner
and then you won't have to bother,
'cause I'm gonna spend the night with
him.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Ricardo.
Parents are not allowed
to stay overnight with their
children.
Oh, but this is the first time
our baby's ever been in a hospital
and I promised him.
Oh, my dear, I'm sorry-- regulations.
Re-re... Well, well, we'll just have
to get permission.
We'll have to call Dr. Gettleman.
I'm afraid that won't do you any
good.
But I... I promised him.
But, honey...
Well, she says it's regulations.
But, honey, I promised him. I
promised him.
I... I've never broken a promise to
him in my life.
I know, honey. Well, you shouldn't
have promised...
And I-I promised that I'd bring him
his teddy bear
so he could to cuddle with it.
I know, honey, but there's nothing
you can do about it.
It's against regulations.
There's nothing we can do about it.
Now, come on, let me get some dinner
for you
and have a good night's sleep, huh?
Come on.
Good night.
Good night.
See you in the morning.
Yeah. See you in the morning.
Yes?
Good evening.
Can I help you?
No, thank you.
Are you a patient?
Oh, of course.
The maternity ward
is just in there, to the right.
Would you register first, please?
(mumbling): ...in the morning. Thank
you.
Wait a minute!
Say, did you just send up a maternity
case?
You didn't?!
Thanks.
Madam?
Madam!
NURSE: Madam!
Where did she go?
Madam?
Did a red-haired woman just go
through here?
I didn't see anyone. Why?
Well, she just ran right by my desk.
Patient?
Maternity.
When?
Any minute.
I mean, when did she run past you?
Just now.
Look, if you see her let me know,
will you?
Okay.
(murmur of conversation)
(hospital staff chattering)
All right, nurse, we're ready for the
next patient.
Uh, just a minute. Let go.
What's the matter?
M-M-My patient changed his mind.
He doesn't want an operation.
Do you? No, no, no.
He's decided to hang on to whatever
it was
you were gonna take out.
Oh, cut the nonsense.
Now, wait a minute.
Dr. Barnett's waiting to perform this
operation.
Believe me, this man does not want to
be cut open!
He does not want to be cut open!
This man does not want to be cut
open!
Gentlemen, I want to apologize
for calling you in here at this hour
of the night,
but this is a most unusual operation.
You may never have a chance
of seeing anything like this again.
Thought you should see it.
I understand a few of you
have never witnessed surgery before,
and under those circumstances,
we always have a few incidents of
fainting.
Now, if you feel as though you're
going to keel over,
why, just step back,
so you don't fall over the patient.
(clamoring)
LUCY: Listen, you don't understand.
This is a mistake.
A big mistake.
Nurse, what's going on here?
M-My patient has changed his mind.
He doesn't want to have the
operation.
He doesn't want to have the
operation?
No, he doesn't want any part of this
whole ordeal.
Well, why, you've got the sheet
pulled over his head.
He can't stand the sight of blood.
Why, why, this is most unusual.
Oh, he says he wants to go home.
I'm gonna have to take him home.
He lives quite a ways from here-- New
Rochelle.
I have to take him all the way out
there.
This is unusual.
Well, what patient is that?
This is your patient for the
operation, Doctor.
Well, what patient is this?
(groaning)
Get ahold of yourself.
Doctor!
Nurse?
Yes?
Look, I'm looking for my wife, Mrs.
Ricardo,
and I think she's in Room 602 with
our child.
No, she couldn't be.
It isn't permitted.
Well, I got a feeling that that's
where she is.
You evidently don't know our rules.
Well, you evidently don't know my
wife.
No one missing from the psychiatric
ward, Nurse.
Thank you, dear.
I'll keep looking.
Look, if you would just take me to
Room...
Oh, I'm awfully sorry,
but I just don't have the time.
The whole hospital's in a turmoil,
trying to find
some screwball, redheaded nurse that
has gone berserk.
Was she carrying a teddy bear?
How did you know?
Well, let me put it this way.
I am looking for my screwball,
redheaded wife
who has been berserk for 15 years.
Now, if you'll just take me to this
Room 602,
I got a hunch that we're gonna solve
both our problems.
Well, very well, but I'm quite sure
it won't do a bit of good.
Well, you never can tell.
It's entirely against the rules.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: Dr. Gettleman was played
by Olan Soule.
Dr. Barnett was played by Howard
Hoffman
and the nurses were Iva Shepard,
Maxine Semon,
Bob Brubaker and Allan Ray.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at the same
time.