I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 5, Episode 10 - Ricky's European Booking - full transcript
Ricky can't take Lucy on his European tour, so Lucy and Ethel hold a raffle to earn money so they can go.
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
(theme song fading out)
(snoring)
Fred?
Hey, Fred.
I'll have this lamp fixed in a
minute, honeybunch.
Don't...
Oh, it's you.
Listen, I'm sorry I startled you,
Fred,
but, uh, I got a serious problem, and
I need your advice.
Well, what's the trouble?
Well, my agent has booked me and my
band
on a tour of Europe.
Going to Europe?
Hey, that's terrific.
Now, what's the problem?
I won't be able to take Lucy along.
You know, that is a problem.
Well, you see, it's only a three-week
trip,
and we'll be doing mostly
one-nighters,
so I won't have any time
for sightseeing or stuff like that.
And being such a short trip,
I can't afford to take her with me.
Well, that makes sense.
To you and me, yes, but what about
Lucy?
What am I going to do?
Well, you could go out some night
to buy a pack of cigarettes
and not come back for three weeks.
Oh, Fred.
Hey, I know how to fix it.
How?
Don't go.
I gotta go.
It's good for my career.
Besides, I already signed the
contract.
Yeah, well.
Listen, suppose I tell her the truth.
You think that maybe she'll be
reasonable this time?
Well, suppose I promise her something
else.
Suppose I say that later on I will
take her
on a wonderful trip to Europe, just
the two of us.
That will never work.
Oh, now, wait just a minute.
Let's see how it sounds.
You be Lucy.
I'll be Lu...
Just pretend you're Lucy and I come
home and I say:
Hi, honey. I'm home.
Lucy, my agent tells me
that he has booked me on a tour of
Europe.
(falsetto): Europe?! Oh, honey,
that's wonderful!
I don't believe it.
I'm so thrilled for you.
(laughing): Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Caroline, guess what.
I'm going to Europe. Good-bye.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, now, Fred, she won't act like
that.
Are we talking about the same Lucy?
Now, if I promise her a wonderful
trip later on,
I think she'll be reasonable.
My Lucy has red hair and blue eyes.
What does your Lucy look like?
Well, there's one good thing about
this idea.
What?
It's the only one I've got.
Come on, let's see how it works.
(chuckling): All right, I'm with you.
Honey, I'm home!
Okay, dear.
Hello. Hi, Fred.
Hi, Lucy.
Honey, I've got something to tell
you.
What?
My agent has booked me
and my band on a tour of Europe.
Europe?!
Oh, honey!
That's wonderful!
Oh, honey!
Oh, Fred, isn't that exciting? Oh,
Europe!
LUCY: Honey, you don't know how much
I'm looking forward to this.
For years and years and years!
Caroline, this is Lucy.
Guess what. We're going to Europe.
Yes. Good-bye.
(hangs up phone)
Just call me Dunninger.
What do I do now?
Well, you're married to her.
I just read her mind.
Hello, Josephine?
Uh, good-bye, Josephine.
Look, sweetie, we got a lot of things
to discuss.
Oh, I know.
My, my overseas shots,
my tickets, my, uh, my new clothes...
I can't take you along.
You can't take me along.
Uh, I gotta have my luggage and
camera.
What do you mean you can't take me
along?
Honey, look, sit down a minute, will
you?
I want to explain this to you.
Look, it's a very short trip.
It's only about three weeks.
I'll be doing mostly one-nighters.
I won't have any time for sightseeing
or stuff like that.
And being such a short trip,
I can't afford to take you along.
You understand, don't you?
Yeah, I understand.
Good.
But why can't I go?
Now, honey, listen, I'll take you
on a wonderful trip to Europe later
on.
Just the two of us.
No! I want to go this time.
Well, I can't afford it this time.
Oh, Ricky, you never take me
anyplace.
What do you mean I never take you
anyplace?
We just came back from a wonderful
trip
to Hollywood just a month ago.
Yeah, but where have you taken me
lately?
Now, look, sweetheart, you be a good
girl,
be a good girl, and I promise you
that next year
I'll take you on a wonderful trip to
Europe,
just the two of us.
Oh, sure.
I will. I promise you.
Well, okay, if you promise.
Ah, that's my baby.
What a wonderful wife I've got.
I knew you'd understand.
Listen, I tell you what.
Tonight just go out for dinner.
Just the two of us.
Okay. All right?
Okay, honey.
That's my baby.
(sighing)
Lucy, Lucy I was just down in the
market
and the butcher told me you were
gonna go to Europe.
The butcher? How did he know?
The grocery boy told him.
How did he get it?
Well, he just made a delivery to
Marion Strong.
Well, how in the world did Ma...?
Oh, Marion Strong.
She's just a hop, skip and a blab
from Caroline Appleby.
What's the difference how they found
out?
Aren't you excited?
When do you leave?
I don't.
I'm not going.
What do you mean?
Well, Ricky's only gonna be there for
three weeks.
Well, you could see a lot of Europe
in three weeks.
Yeah, I know, but he's gonna be so
busy, and I'd be all alone.
All alone in those fancy Paris
shops--
just you and Ricky's checkbook.
Yeah, I know, but he doesn't think I
ought to go with him.
What husband would?
Oh, Ethel, he'd love to take me if he
could.
Oh, sure.
He would, he said so, and he also
said
he couldn't take me this time, he'd
take me on a trip next year
all over Europe, just the two of us.
And wipe that cynical look off your
face.
Huh.
He gave me his promise.
He'd never broken his promise to me.
Uh-huh.
Oh, you just don't know Ricky, that's
all.
He's a man, isn't he?
Well, yes.
Oh, boy, what a setup for him.
Three glorious weeks in Europe.
Just the band.
No wives along.
Yeah.
And then a whole week on glamorous
shipboard
and then London.
And then Rome.
And then... Paris.
Yeah.
And he says he can't afford
to take you along.
Three weeks isn't long enough.
He'll be too busy.
Oh, brother.
Did he ever pull a wool over your
eyes.
Yeah.
Oh, hi. Hi, Ethel.
Hi.
Where, where do you want to go to
eat, sweetie?
Don't you "sweetie" me!
What's the matter?
I know what you're up to,
you-you-you Cuban wool-puller!
(howling scream)
What happened?
(chuckling)
Lucy, come here.
(phone ringing)
Hello?
Oh, hello, Barney.
Look, I was trying to get you all day
yesterday.
Yeah. Say, Barney, how would you like
your old job back?
Oh, you're working for Cougie now,
huh?
Well, uh... look, Barney,
my agent has booked me on a tour of
Europe
and I need a good manager.
Yeah, band manager.
Well, look, I can't think of anybody.
If you happen to think of someone
that you think would be good, would
you have him call me?
Thanks a lot, Barney.
Good-bye.
Ricky?
Yeah?
I'm speaking to you again.
You are?
Yeah, I know a wonderful manager for
your band.
Me. Who?
Honey, it wouldn't cost you a cent
and I get to go along.
Now, look, Lucy, I'd love to be able
to do it,
but a bandman has a lot of
responsibilities.
He has to keep the luggage straight,
he has to see that all the boys get
on the right train,
he has to make all the hotel
reservations...
Yeah, well, give me a chance.
I'll bet I can get your boys all over
Europe.
We... we play a lot better when we're
all in one place.
Aw, now...
Now, honey, forget it, it won't work.
Well, if I raise the money myself,
can I go?
Look, if you can raise enough money
to go to Europe,
let me know, and I'll quit the band
business.
You didn't answer my question.
If I raise enough money myself,
and it doesn't cost you a cent, can I
go?
That's impossible.
Well, if I can and it doesn't, can I?
Sure. Why not?
Good! I'm going to Europe.
Oh, boy! I'll call mother
and ask her if she could stay with
the baby for three weeks.
Oh, honey! Honey, you're the most
wonderful husband
in the whole world.
Mmm.... huh!
I love you, huh!
Uh-oh, wrong apartment.
Oh, Ethel, I don't need you now.
Ricky said that I could go to Europe
with him.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Well, there are some conditions.
Never mind now.
I'm going.
Oh, that's wonderful, Rick.
I'm sorry about this.
She made me do this, Rick.
(sighing): I'm sorry.
I'm gonna get to go to Europe!
Oh, Lucy, I'm gonna get to
my goodness!
to go to Europe!
That's wonderful.
Fred let me...
I want to ask you something.
Yeah?
Listen, who used to handle your act
when you were in vaudeville, you
know?
Nobody. I did it myself.
You did?
I took care of the bookings
transportation, hotels and
everything.
No kidding.
Yeah.
Hmm... maybe...
No, it won't work.
What?
Oh, it was just a wild thought.
You wouldn't want to leave Ethel.
Try me.
How would you like to manage the band
in this European tour?
Would I? Brother, you've got a
manager.
RICKY: Well, wonderful, Fred.
Oh, Fred is going to Europe!
Oh, Fred, that's wonderful!
You and Ricky and me and...
Oh, dear.
Don't mind me.
I'll just stay here alone
while you're all having a wonderful
trip to Europe.
I don't want to see Europe anyway.
It's so old.
You just send me a postcard now and
then
from wherever you're at.
Oh, Fred, you have to take Ethel with
you.
What do you mean I have to take Ethel
with me?
Well, think of it: Ethel all alone
here in New York
and you all alone in Paris.
Yeah.
You're a big help.
Oh, no, honey, Oh... I didn't
mean that.
You know I didn't.
Now, just a minute.
Everybody is getting upset about
nothing.
Now, Lucy, you tell them how I said
you could go.
Oh, oh, oh, he said I could go if
I...
if I raise the money for my trip
myself.
Well, that's Oh, great. more
like it.
Well, Fred, if Ethel raises the money
for her trip, can she go?
Sure; I'm a sport.
Why not?
There, you see!
Oh, Lucy, we couldn't raise the money
for a trip to Europe.
Ethel, you are not holding a positive
thought.
Now say, "We will be able to raise
the money." Say it.
"We will be able to raise the money."
"We will be able
to raise the money."
Yes, ma'am!
Now, how much will it need?
How much it will be?
Well, let's see now.
Boat fare, travel expenses,
hotel, meal for the two of you--
I'd say about $3,000.
You see, all we got to do is scrape
up $3,000?!
Money found in overstuffed chairs and
sofa cushions:
$9.73.
Money for sugar bowls: $29.25.
Piggy banks: $28.16.
G.T.H.P.: $15.36.
What's G.T.H.P.?
Going through husband's pants.
Oh, yeah.
Didn't you go through Fred's pants?
Every pair, including his World War I
cavalry britches.
What did you get?
A handful of lint and a Woodrow
Wilson button.
Now, what does it all come to?
Well, let's see.
$200.16. Not bad, huh?
Oh, great. Where will we get the
other $2,800?
How much do you get for selling
blood?
Oh, Lucy.
What's wrong with that?
You couldn't get $2,800 worth of
blood
out of a herd of elephants.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Let's see, how can we take our $200
and make it into $3,000?
Yeah.
How about the Irish Sweepstakes?
Nah, the odds are too great.
Yeah. What we need is a good local
raffle
where they're giving away two free
trips to Europe
and we got all the tickets.
Ha, ha! Yeah.
Hey!
Why not hold our own raffle?
What?
The money we take in will pay for our
trip.
Now, what can we raffle off?
Your brain, for thinking up an idea
like that.
No, no, no.
Now, this is good.
People are always raffling off things
like automobiles, mink coats,
television sets.
That's it. We could take our $200,
buy a television set
and raffle it off.
Well, I guess it would work at that.
Sure it would.
Only...
Only what?
Well, raffles are always held for
needy causes.
Ethel, at this moment,
you and I are the two neediest causes
I can think of.
Is it honest?
It's a hundred percent honest.
Look, we say we're gonna have a
raffle.
We sell tickets.
Somebody who buys a ticket wins a
television set.
What could be more honest than that?
I guess it is.
Sure it is. Now, all we have to do
for our needy cause
is think up a good phony name.
Let's see.
I don't suppose we could call it
two bundles for Britain?
No. It has to sound real.
How about...
Ladies Overseas Aid?
Well...
Look, we're ladies, we want to go
overseas
and, boy, do we need aid.
Okay, Ladies Overseas Aid it is.
Yes, ma'am.
Who you gonna call?
Mr. Feldman, the man who sold us our
television set.
I thought maybe he could give us a
good price on one.
FELDMAN: Hello?
Mr. Feldman?
Yes.
This is Mrs. Ricky Ricardo, remember?
Oh, yes.
Is there something wrong with your
television set?
Oh, no, no, it's fine.
As a matter of fact, I want to buy
another one.
Oh?
Yes. We're, uh, trying to raise money
for a needy cause, the Ladies
Overseas Aid,
and we want to raffle off a
television set.
I see.
I thought maybe you could give us a
good price on one.
The Ladies Overseas Aid?
Yes. It's a new group but very
worthy.
What aid do you give?
Uh, well... just to, uh, pick a case
at random from our files,
at the moment, we're trying to raise
money to send
two dear little ladies to Europe to
be with their families.
Aw, that's nice.
Yes.
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll donate a set.
You'll dona... oh!
He'll donate a set.
Oh, Mr. Feldman, that's just
wonderful of you.
I have an idea.
I'll have your tickets printed for
you
with my advertising on the back
and then we can have the drawing in
the store here.
Is that all right with you?
Well, that is just perfect.
We'll be down later to discuss
the details with you, Mr. Feldman.
And thank you very much.
Good-bye.
Europe, here we come!
How about that!
Oh, boy.
I never knew 3,000 tickets weighed so
much.
Whoo!
Honey, is that you?
My gosh, Ricky's home.
Quick, get ahold of those.
Put them in there.
Yeah, dear?!
Okay.
Yeah, honey?!
Hi. Hi, Rick.
Hi, Ethel. Hi.
I didn't know you were home, dear.
Well, I got home early, so I was
playing with Little Ricky.
Oh.
Mrs. Trumbull went to the market.
Oh, oh, I see.
Well, I'm glad
you had some time to play with the
baby.
Well, I got to run along
and start selling my raffle tickets.
Oh, yeah, me, too.
I'll see you later.
So long. Okay, dear.
Bye.
What's this about raffle tickets?
Oh, well, well, our club is raffling
off a TV set
to raise money for that well-known
and very worthy organization,
Ladies Overseas Aid.
Oh, all right. How much?
Oh, well, the tickets are a dollar
apiece.
How many do you want?
Well, honey, we've gone through this
before.
Let's save time, huh?
I'll take all the tickets you have.
Oh.
All of them?
Yeah.
Wow!
I think I've only got about ten left.
All right, I'll take them.
Okay.
Boy, I'm getting off easy.
I thought I was going to have to buy
at least 20.
20? Oh, well, let me take another
look.
Oh, yeah, by George, I've got 20!
Yeah, I've got 20. Here.
As long as it is for a worthy cause.
Oh, it is.
I don't know when a cause has seemed
so worthy to me.
The need of those dear little ladies
just gets me--
right here.
No, no, Marge, you don't have to be
there.
Yeah, I'll let you know if you win,
that is, if you let me off the phone.
I'm gonna be late for the drawing.
(doorbell buzzing)
Oh, someone's at the door.
I gotta go, girl. Bye.
Yes?
Yes, sir. Mrs. Ricardo?
My name is Jamison, from the district
attorney's office.
The district attorney's...?
That's right.
Won't you come in, please?
Thank you very much.
I, uh, understand you're running a
raffle today.
Oh, yes, we are. Would you like to
buy a ticket?
No. I'd just like to ask a few
questions about it.
Oh. Oh, all right.
Well, let's see now.
Um, we're holding the drawing at
Feldman's Appliance Store.
The tickets are a dollar apiece.
We're giving away rather
a large model Uh, TV set...
Mrs. Ricardo,
tell me something about this
organization,
the Ladies Overseas Aid.
(laughing): Oh... ha, ha!
Well, if you promise not to tell my
husband
because, uh, we just sort of made the
name up.
(giggling)
Ladies Overseas Aid.
It really should be called
The Ethel Mertz And Lucy Ricardo Want
To Go To Europe Aid.
Ha, ha, ha!
But then nobody would buy a ticket,
would they?
Ha, ha!
We-we just made it up.
Mrs. Ricardo, if you've been selling
tickets
under false pretenses,
you've committed a crime.
A crime?
Oh, no, you don't understand.
Anybody that buys a ticket
buys a chance to win the television
set.
Someone will win the television set,
so nobody gets hurt, right?
Mrs. Ricardo, the people who bought
those tickets
thought they were contributing to a
reputable charity.
Therefore, you've defrauded them.
Now, fraud is a crime that's
punishable
by one to ten years in the
penitentiary.
But I'm going to Europe.
I don't have time for ten years in
the penitentiary.
No, you just may have to.
Oh, but I didn't know it was a crime.
I wouldn't have done it if I'd known
it was a crime.
I understand, Mrs. Ricardo.
Now, look, here's what we can do.
If you're willing to call off the
raffle
and give the money back, we'll forget
the whole thing.
Well, I will. I will.
Well, I certainly hope so,
because once the drawing's actually
held,
the matter is out of my hands,
and we have to prosecute.
Oh, I hope we can make it in time.
The drawing is in 15 minutes.
Lucy, I've come over to ask you...
Fred! Fred, I'm so glad you're here.
Will you stay with the baby?
I have to go downtown.
I'll be right back.
You'll stay with Sure I will.
Little Ricky?
Sure. Okay.
A crime?! Are you sure?
I can't imagine why Mrs. Ricardo
isn't here,
but I'm sure she wouldn't mind
if we just went ahead without her.
So, shall we? Let's do.
Ha, ha, ha!
Now, you hold, Mr. Feldman.
Here we go, oh...
This is to keep it honest, you know.
(chortling)
All righty, now, shake up those
tickets, Mr. Feldman.
Here we go.
All righty.
Oh, oh...
Here we go.
Let's see who's going to win.
The winning number is...
Oh...
(laughter)
I'm such a dope.
(chuckling)
Number 2725.
Oh! That's me!
I've won.
Mrs. Hazel Beardswell!
Mrs. Beardswell.
Oh, congratulations, dear.
Ethel, Ethel, I have to talk to you.
Oh, you're late.
We just had the drawing.
Here, take the money I won.
No, no, no, no.
Well, honey, I have something else
I have to thank everybody for.
Oh, you'll never know how happy this
$3,000
is going to make two dear little
ladies.
Ethel...
Just a minute, dear, now.
Mr. Feldman, thank you so much.
(both chuckling)
Well, thank you, Mrs. Mertz.
But I really didn't do anything.
But I never saw anyone work as hard
as Mrs. Mertz and Mrs. Ricardo.
Well, come up here, Mrs. Ricardo.
Come on...
Oh, no, no.
Come on.
(applause)
She worked so hard for this money.
Oh, they worked very hard.
They worked so hard, you'd think
they were gonna keep the money
themselves.
(uproarious laughter)
Now, now, ladies,
I have a very pleasant surprise for
you.
Who do you think is in town?
Who?
Mrs. Wolbert.
Mrs. Wolbert?
Yeah. She called me this morning
and we arranged this wonderful
surprise for you.
Now, here she is, all the way from
Indiana,
Mrs. Dorothea Wolbert,
President of the Ladies Overseas Aid!
(crowd applauding)
My dear, you have done stupendous
work,
and this money is more than we've
ever
received before at any one time
for the Ladies Overseas Aid...
Uh-huh.
...and I'm delighted
to be here to accept the money in
person.
Ethel... Ethel, give her the money.
Give her the money?
Give her the money.
Uh...
Is she going with us?
Ethel, Ethel,
The money here, let her have it.
Here you are, dear.
FELDMAN: Now, how about a round of
recognition
for these two wonderful women,
Mrs. Ricardo and Mrs. Mertz?
(crowd applauding)
Forever
Forever, forever, darling
Forever, darling, while other hearts
go wandering
You'll find mine as faithful as can
be
Forever, forever, my darling
I'll be your true love forever and
forever
I'll care for you eternally
Eternally
I've known your kiss and I've been
close to heaven
The thrill of this will last me
Till my life is through
I made this promise
And willingly I'll keep it
Forever
Forever, darling
You will find me true
Ever and ever
Forever, forever, forever
Darling, you will find me true.
That sounds like a print, Ricky.
Good.
Want to pick up the phone?
Someone from the steamship company.
Uh, thanks. Hello.
Yes?
Well, I-I guess we could play on the
boat, but...
What?!
You will?!
It won't?!
Brother, we'll play all the way over.
Yeah, thank you.
Listen, I gotta go home and tell Lucy
something.
I'll be back. See you later.
Good-bye. Thanks a lot, fellows.
Bye, Leo.
Hi, Fred.
Oh...
Now look what you did!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Where's the baby?
Napping.
He-he got bored.
Oh. Well, thanks for baby-sitting.
Oh, never mind.
Did the raffle go all right?
Yeah, it went all right, but we don't
care.
No, we don't care.
What canary did you two cats swallow?
Shall I tell him?
Go ahead.
We raised the money for our trip to
Europe.
And legitimately.
How did you two clowns ever get ahold
of $3,000 legitimately?
You think he's ready?
Tell him.
Well, I suddenly remembered that
this building was in my name, so...
I mortgaged it.
Fred!
Fred! Fred!
Fred!
Fred? Fred?
Are you all right? Fred?
Hey, honey, honey, I've got
wonderful...
What's the matter?
What happened to Fred?
Fred fainted.
Ethel told him
that she mortgaged the building
so we could go to Europe.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
No? Why not?
Well, I thought I had to pay
the passage for everyone in the band,
but I found out about playing aboard
ship,
I don't have to, so with the money I
save,
you two can come along.
You can take us for nothing?!
Oh! (screaming)
Fred! Hey, Fred!
He didn't hear you.
Fred, you listen to me.
Fred! We can all go to Europe
and it won't cost you a cent!
Yeah!
Fred, Fred, we won't need this.
No.
You feel all right?
I never felt better in my life.
(clamoring)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: The part of Mr. Jamison
was played by Barney Phillips
and Mr. Feldman was played by Harry
Antrim.
Others in the cast were
Dorothea Wolbert, Hazel Pierce and
Louis Nicoletti.
Also heard at the recording studios:
The Pied Pipers.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at the same
time.
ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."
(applause)
(theme song fading out)
(snoring)
Fred?
Hey, Fred.
I'll have this lamp fixed in a
minute, honeybunch.
Don't...
Oh, it's you.
Listen, I'm sorry I startled you,
Fred,
but, uh, I got a serious problem, and
I need your advice.
Well, what's the trouble?
Well, my agent has booked me and my
band
on a tour of Europe.
Going to Europe?
Hey, that's terrific.
Now, what's the problem?
I won't be able to take Lucy along.
You know, that is a problem.
Well, you see, it's only a three-week
trip,
and we'll be doing mostly
one-nighters,
so I won't have any time
for sightseeing or stuff like that.
And being such a short trip,
I can't afford to take her with me.
Well, that makes sense.
To you and me, yes, but what about
Lucy?
What am I going to do?
Well, you could go out some night
to buy a pack of cigarettes
and not come back for three weeks.
Oh, Fred.
Hey, I know how to fix it.
How?
Don't go.
I gotta go.
It's good for my career.
Besides, I already signed the
contract.
Yeah, well.
Listen, suppose I tell her the truth.
You think that maybe she'll be
reasonable this time?
Well, suppose I promise her something
else.
Suppose I say that later on I will
take her
on a wonderful trip to Europe, just
the two of us.
That will never work.
Oh, now, wait just a minute.
Let's see how it sounds.
You be Lucy.
I'll be Lu...
Just pretend you're Lucy and I come
home and I say:
Hi, honey. I'm home.
Lucy, my agent tells me
that he has booked me on a tour of
Europe.
(falsetto): Europe?! Oh, honey,
that's wonderful!
I don't believe it.
I'm so thrilled for you.
(laughing): Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Caroline, guess what.
I'm going to Europe. Good-bye.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, now, Fred, she won't act like
that.
Are we talking about the same Lucy?
Now, if I promise her a wonderful
trip later on,
I think she'll be reasonable.
My Lucy has red hair and blue eyes.
What does your Lucy look like?
Well, there's one good thing about
this idea.
What?
It's the only one I've got.
Come on, let's see how it works.
(chuckling): All right, I'm with you.
Honey, I'm home!
Okay, dear.
Hello. Hi, Fred.
Hi, Lucy.
Honey, I've got something to tell
you.
What?
My agent has booked me
and my band on a tour of Europe.
Europe?!
Oh, honey!
That's wonderful!
Oh, honey!
Oh, Fred, isn't that exciting? Oh,
Europe!
LUCY: Honey, you don't know how much
I'm looking forward to this.
For years and years and years!
Caroline, this is Lucy.
Guess what. We're going to Europe.
Yes. Good-bye.
(hangs up phone)
Just call me Dunninger.
What do I do now?
Well, you're married to her.
I just read her mind.
Hello, Josephine?
Uh, good-bye, Josephine.
Look, sweetie, we got a lot of things
to discuss.
Oh, I know.
My, my overseas shots,
my tickets, my, uh, my new clothes...
I can't take you along.
You can't take me along.
Uh, I gotta have my luggage and
camera.
What do you mean you can't take me
along?
Honey, look, sit down a minute, will
you?
I want to explain this to you.
Look, it's a very short trip.
It's only about three weeks.
I'll be doing mostly one-nighters.
I won't have any time for sightseeing
or stuff like that.
And being such a short trip,
I can't afford to take you along.
You understand, don't you?
Yeah, I understand.
Good.
But why can't I go?
Now, honey, listen, I'll take you
on a wonderful trip to Europe later
on.
Just the two of us.
No! I want to go this time.
Well, I can't afford it this time.
Oh, Ricky, you never take me
anyplace.
What do you mean I never take you
anyplace?
We just came back from a wonderful
trip
to Hollywood just a month ago.
Yeah, but where have you taken me
lately?
Now, look, sweetheart, you be a good
girl,
be a good girl, and I promise you
that next year
I'll take you on a wonderful trip to
Europe,
just the two of us.
Oh, sure.
I will. I promise you.
Well, okay, if you promise.
Ah, that's my baby.
What a wonderful wife I've got.
I knew you'd understand.
Listen, I tell you what.
Tonight just go out for dinner.
Just the two of us.
Okay. All right?
Okay, honey.
That's my baby.
(sighing)
Lucy, Lucy I was just down in the
market
and the butcher told me you were
gonna go to Europe.
The butcher? How did he know?
The grocery boy told him.
How did he get it?
Well, he just made a delivery to
Marion Strong.
Well, how in the world did Ma...?
Oh, Marion Strong.
She's just a hop, skip and a blab
from Caroline Appleby.
What's the difference how they found
out?
Aren't you excited?
When do you leave?
I don't.
I'm not going.
What do you mean?
Well, Ricky's only gonna be there for
three weeks.
Well, you could see a lot of Europe
in three weeks.
Yeah, I know, but he's gonna be so
busy, and I'd be all alone.
All alone in those fancy Paris
shops--
just you and Ricky's checkbook.
Yeah, I know, but he doesn't think I
ought to go with him.
What husband would?
Oh, Ethel, he'd love to take me if he
could.
Oh, sure.
He would, he said so, and he also
said
he couldn't take me this time, he'd
take me on a trip next year
all over Europe, just the two of us.
And wipe that cynical look off your
face.
Huh.
He gave me his promise.
He'd never broken his promise to me.
Uh-huh.
Oh, you just don't know Ricky, that's
all.
He's a man, isn't he?
Well, yes.
Oh, boy, what a setup for him.
Three glorious weeks in Europe.
Just the band.
No wives along.
Yeah.
And then a whole week on glamorous
shipboard
and then London.
And then Rome.
And then... Paris.
Yeah.
And he says he can't afford
to take you along.
Three weeks isn't long enough.
He'll be too busy.
Oh, brother.
Did he ever pull a wool over your
eyes.
Yeah.
Oh, hi. Hi, Ethel.
Hi.
Where, where do you want to go to
eat, sweetie?
Don't you "sweetie" me!
What's the matter?
I know what you're up to,
you-you-you Cuban wool-puller!
(howling scream)
What happened?
(chuckling)
Lucy, come here.
(phone ringing)
Hello?
Oh, hello, Barney.
Look, I was trying to get you all day
yesterday.
Yeah. Say, Barney, how would you like
your old job back?
Oh, you're working for Cougie now,
huh?
Well, uh... look, Barney,
my agent has booked me on a tour of
Europe
and I need a good manager.
Yeah, band manager.
Well, look, I can't think of anybody.
If you happen to think of someone
that you think would be good, would
you have him call me?
Thanks a lot, Barney.
Good-bye.
Ricky?
Yeah?
I'm speaking to you again.
You are?
Yeah, I know a wonderful manager for
your band.
Me. Who?
Honey, it wouldn't cost you a cent
and I get to go along.
Now, look, Lucy, I'd love to be able
to do it,
but a bandman has a lot of
responsibilities.
He has to keep the luggage straight,
he has to see that all the boys get
on the right train,
he has to make all the hotel
reservations...
Yeah, well, give me a chance.
I'll bet I can get your boys all over
Europe.
We... we play a lot better when we're
all in one place.
Aw, now...
Now, honey, forget it, it won't work.
Well, if I raise the money myself,
can I go?
Look, if you can raise enough money
to go to Europe,
let me know, and I'll quit the band
business.
You didn't answer my question.
If I raise enough money myself,
and it doesn't cost you a cent, can I
go?
That's impossible.
Well, if I can and it doesn't, can I?
Sure. Why not?
Good! I'm going to Europe.
Oh, boy! I'll call mother
and ask her if she could stay with
the baby for three weeks.
Oh, honey! Honey, you're the most
wonderful husband
in the whole world.
Mmm.... huh!
I love you, huh!
Uh-oh, wrong apartment.
Oh, Ethel, I don't need you now.
Ricky said that I could go to Europe
with him.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Well, there are some conditions.
Never mind now.
I'm going.
Oh, that's wonderful, Rick.
I'm sorry about this.
She made me do this, Rick.
(sighing): I'm sorry.
I'm gonna get to go to Europe!
Oh, Lucy, I'm gonna get to
my goodness!
to go to Europe!
That's wonderful.
Fred let me...
I want to ask you something.
Yeah?
Listen, who used to handle your act
when you were in vaudeville, you
know?
Nobody. I did it myself.
You did?
I took care of the bookings
transportation, hotels and
everything.
No kidding.
Yeah.
Hmm... maybe...
No, it won't work.
What?
Oh, it was just a wild thought.
You wouldn't want to leave Ethel.
Try me.
How would you like to manage the band
in this European tour?
Would I? Brother, you've got a
manager.
RICKY: Well, wonderful, Fred.
Oh, Fred is going to Europe!
Oh, Fred, that's wonderful!
You and Ricky and me and...
Oh, dear.
Don't mind me.
I'll just stay here alone
while you're all having a wonderful
trip to Europe.
I don't want to see Europe anyway.
It's so old.
You just send me a postcard now and
then
from wherever you're at.
Oh, Fred, you have to take Ethel with
you.
What do you mean I have to take Ethel
with me?
Well, think of it: Ethel all alone
here in New York
and you all alone in Paris.
Yeah.
You're a big help.
Oh, no, honey, Oh... I didn't
mean that.
You know I didn't.
Now, just a minute.
Everybody is getting upset about
nothing.
Now, Lucy, you tell them how I said
you could go.
Oh, oh, oh, he said I could go if
I...
if I raise the money for my trip
myself.
Well, that's Oh, great. more
like it.
Well, Fred, if Ethel raises the money
for her trip, can she go?
Sure; I'm a sport.
Why not?
There, you see!
Oh, Lucy, we couldn't raise the money
for a trip to Europe.
Ethel, you are not holding a positive
thought.
Now say, "We will be able to raise
the money." Say it.
"We will be able to raise the money."
"We will be able
to raise the money."
Yes, ma'am!
Now, how much will it need?
How much it will be?
Well, let's see now.
Boat fare, travel expenses,
hotel, meal for the two of you--
I'd say about $3,000.
You see, all we got to do is scrape
up $3,000?!
Money found in overstuffed chairs and
sofa cushions:
$9.73.
Money for sugar bowls: $29.25.
Piggy banks: $28.16.
G.T.H.P.: $15.36.
What's G.T.H.P.?
Going through husband's pants.
Oh, yeah.
Didn't you go through Fred's pants?
Every pair, including his World War I
cavalry britches.
What did you get?
A handful of lint and a Woodrow
Wilson button.
Now, what does it all come to?
Well, let's see.
$200.16. Not bad, huh?
Oh, great. Where will we get the
other $2,800?
How much do you get for selling
blood?
Oh, Lucy.
What's wrong with that?
You couldn't get $2,800 worth of
blood
out of a herd of elephants.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Let's see, how can we take our $200
and make it into $3,000?
Yeah.
How about the Irish Sweepstakes?
Nah, the odds are too great.
Yeah. What we need is a good local
raffle
where they're giving away two free
trips to Europe
and we got all the tickets.
Ha, ha! Yeah.
Hey!
Why not hold our own raffle?
What?
The money we take in will pay for our
trip.
Now, what can we raffle off?
Your brain, for thinking up an idea
like that.
No, no, no.
Now, this is good.
People are always raffling off things
like automobiles, mink coats,
television sets.
That's it. We could take our $200,
buy a television set
and raffle it off.
Well, I guess it would work at that.
Sure it would.
Only...
Only what?
Well, raffles are always held for
needy causes.
Ethel, at this moment,
you and I are the two neediest causes
I can think of.
Is it honest?
It's a hundred percent honest.
Look, we say we're gonna have a
raffle.
We sell tickets.
Somebody who buys a ticket wins a
television set.
What could be more honest than that?
I guess it is.
Sure it is. Now, all we have to do
for our needy cause
is think up a good phony name.
Let's see.
I don't suppose we could call it
two bundles for Britain?
No. It has to sound real.
How about...
Ladies Overseas Aid?
Well...
Look, we're ladies, we want to go
overseas
and, boy, do we need aid.
Okay, Ladies Overseas Aid it is.
Yes, ma'am.
Who you gonna call?
Mr. Feldman, the man who sold us our
television set.
I thought maybe he could give us a
good price on one.
FELDMAN: Hello?
Mr. Feldman?
Yes.
This is Mrs. Ricky Ricardo, remember?
Oh, yes.
Is there something wrong with your
television set?
Oh, no, no, it's fine.
As a matter of fact, I want to buy
another one.
Oh?
Yes. We're, uh, trying to raise money
for a needy cause, the Ladies
Overseas Aid,
and we want to raffle off a
television set.
I see.
I thought maybe you could give us a
good price on one.
The Ladies Overseas Aid?
Yes. It's a new group but very
worthy.
What aid do you give?
Uh, well... just to, uh, pick a case
at random from our files,
at the moment, we're trying to raise
money to send
two dear little ladies to Europe to
be with their families.
Aw, that's nice.
Yes.
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll donate a set.
You'll dona... oh!
He'll donate a set.
Oh, Mr. Feldman, that's just
wonderful of you.
I have an idea.
I'll have your tickets printed for
you
with my advertising on the back
and then we can have the drawing in
the store here.
Is that all right with you?
Well, that is just perfect.
We'll be down later to discuss
the details with you, Mr. Feldman.
And thank you very much.
Good-bye.
Europe, here we come!
How about that!
Oh, boy.
I never knew 3,000 tickets weighed so
much.
Whoo!
Honey, is that you?
My gosh, Ricky's home.
Quick, get ahold of those.
Put them in there.
Yeah, dear?!
Okay.
Yeah, honey?!
Hi. Hi, Rick.
Hi, Ethel. Hi.
I didn't know you were home, dear.
Well, I got home early, so I was
playing with Little Ricky.
Oh.
Mrs. Trumbull went to the market.
Oh, oh, I see.
Well, I'm glad
you had some time to play with the
baby.
Well, I got to run along
and start selling my raffle tickets.
Oh, yeah, me, too.
I'll see you later.
So long. Okay, dear.
Bye.
What's this about raffle tickets?
Oh, well, well, our club is raffling
off a TV set
to raise money for that well-known
and very worthy organization,
Ladies Overseas Aid.
Oh, all right. How much?
Oh, well, the tickets are a dollar
apiece.
How many do you want?
Well, honey, we've gone through this
before.
Let's save time, huh?
I'll take all the tickets you have.
Oh.
All of them?
Yeah.
Wow!
I think I've only got about ten left.
All right, I'll take them.
Okay.
Boy, I'm getting off easy.
I thought I was going to have to buy
at least 20.
20? Oh, well, let me take another
look.
Oh, yeah, by George, I've got 20!
Yeah, I've got 20. Here.
As long as it is for a worthy cause.
Oh, it is.
I don't know when a cause has seemed
so worthy to me.
The need of those dear little ladies
just gets me--
right here.
No, no, Marge, you don't have to be
there.
Yeah, I'll let you know if you win,
that is, if you let me off the phone.
I'm gonna be late for the drawing.
(doorbell buzzing)
Oh, someone's at the door.
I gotta go, girl. Bye.
Yes?
Yes, sir. Mrs. Ricardo?
My name is Jamison, from the district
attorney's office.
The district attorney's...?
That's right.
Won't you come in, please?
Thank you very much.
I, uh, understand you're running a
raffle today.
Oh, yes, we are. Would you like to
buy a ticket?
No. I'd just like to ask a few
questions about it.
Oh. Oh, all right.
Well, let's see now.
Um, we're holding the drawing at
Feldman's Appliance Store.
The tickets are a dollar apiece.
We're giving away rather
a large model Uh, TV set...
Mrs. Ricardo,
tell me something about this
organization,
the Ladies Overseas Aid.
(laughing): Oh... ha, ha!
Well, if you promise not to tell my
husband
because, uh, we just sort of made the
name up.
(giggling)
Ladies Overseas Aid.
It really should be called
The Ethel Mertz And Lucy Ricardo Want
To Go To Europe Aid.
Ha, ha, ha!
But then nobody would buy a ticket,
would they?
Ha, ha!
We-we just made it up.
Mrs. Ricardo, if you've been selling
tickets
under false pretenses,
you've committed a crime.
A crime?
Oh, no, you don't understand.
Anybody that buys a ticket
buys a chance to win the television
set.
Someone will win the television set,
so nobody gets hurt, right?
Mrs. Ricardo, the people who bought
those tickets
thought they were contributing to a
reputable charity.
Therefore, you've defrauded them.
Now, fraud is a crime that's
punishable
by one to ten years in the
penitentiary.
But I'm going to Europe.
I don't have time for ten years in
the penitentiary.
No, you just may have to.
Oh, but I didn't know it was a crime.
I wouldn't have done it if I'd known
it was a crime.
I understand, Mrs. Ricardo.
Now, look, here's what we can do.
If you're willing to call off the
raffle
and give the money back, we'll forget
the whole thing.
Well, I will. I will.
Well, I certainly hope so,
because once the drawing's actually
held,
the matter is out of my hands,
and we have to prosecute.
Oh, I hope we can make it in time.
The drawing is in 15 minutes.
Lucy, I've come over to ask you...
Fred! Fred, I'm so glad you're here.
Will you stay with the baby?
I have to go downtown.
I'll be right back.
You'll stay with Sure I will.
Little Ricky?
Sure. Okay.
A crime?! Are you sure?
I can't imagine why Mrs. Ricardo
isn't here,
but I'm sure she wouldn't mind
if we just went ahead without her.
So, shall we? Let's do.
Ha, ha, ha!
Now, you hold, Mr. Feldman.
Here we go, oh...
This is to keep it honest, you know.
(chortling)
All righty, now, shake up those
tickets, Mr. Feldman.
Here we go.
All righty.
Oh, oh...
Here we go.
Let's see who's going to win.
The winning number is...
Oh...
(laughter)
I'm such a dope.
(chuckling)
Number 2725.
Oh! That's me!
I've won.
Mrs. Hazel Beardswell!
Mrs. Beardswell.
Oh, congratulations, dear.
Ethel, Ethel, I have to talk to you.
Oh, you're late.
We just had the drawing.
Here, take the money I won.
No, no, no, no.
Well, honey, I have something else
I have to thank everybody for.
Oh, you'll never know how happy this
$3,000
is going to make two dear little
ladies.
Ethel...
Just a minute, dear, now.
Mr. Feldman, thank you so much.
(both chuckling)
Well, thank you, Mrs. Mertz.
But I really didn't do anything.
But I never saw anyone work as hard
as Mrs. Mertz and Mrs. Ricardo.
Well, come up here, Mrs. Ricardo.
Come on...
Oh, no, no.
Come on.
(applause)
She worked so hard for this money.
Oh, they worked very hard.
They worked so hard, you'd think
they were gonna keep the money
themselves.
(uproarious laughter)
Now, now, ladies,
I have a very pleasant surprise for
you.
Who do you think is in town?
Who?
Mrs. Wolbert.
Mrs. Wolbert?
Yeah. She called me this morning
and we arranged this wonderful
surprise for you.
Now, here she is, all the way from
Indiana,
Mrs. Dorothea Wolbert,
President of the Ladies Overseas Aid!
(crowd applauding)
My dear, you have done stupendous
work,
and this money is more than we've
ever
received before at any one time
for the Ladies Overseas Aid...
Uh-huh.
...and I'm delighted
to be here to accept the money in
person.
Ethel... Ethel, give her the money.
Give her the money?
Give her the money.
Uh...
Is she going with us?
Ethel, Ethel,
The money here, let her have it.
Here you are, dear.
FELDMAN: Now, how about a round of
recognition
for these two wonderful women,
Mrs. Ricardo and Mrs. Mertz?
(crowd applauding)
Forever
Forever, forever, darling
Forever, darling, while other hearts
go wandering
You'll find mine as faithful as can
be
Forever, forever, my darling
I'll be your true love forever and
forever
I'll care for you eternally
Eternally
I've known your kiss and I've been
close to heaven
The thrill of this will last me
Till my life is through
I made this promise
And willingly I'll keep it
Forever
Forever, darling
You will find me true
Ever and ever
Forever, forever, forever
Darling, you will find me true.
That sounds like a print, Ricky.
Good.
Want to pick up the phone?
Someone from the steamship company.
Uh, thanks. Hello.
Yes?
Well, I-I guess we could play on the
boat, but...
What?!
You will?!
It won't?!
Brother, we'll play all the way over.
Yeah, thank you.
Listen, I gotta go home and tell Lucy
something.
I'll be back. See you later.
Good-bye. Thanks a lot, fellows.
Bye, Leo.
Hi, Fred.
Oh...
Now look what you did!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Where's the baby?
Napping.
He-he got bored.
Oh. Well, thanks for baby-sitting.
Oh, never mind.
Did the raffle go all right?
Yeah, it went all right, but we don't
care.
No, we don't care.
What canary did you two cats swallow?
Shall I tell him?
Go ahead.
We raised the money for our trip to
Europe.
And legitimately.
How did you two clowns ever get ahold
of $3,000 legitimately?
You think he's ready?
Tell him.
Well, I suddenly remembered that
this building was in my name, so...
I mortgaged it.
Fred!
Fred! Fred!
Fred!
Fred? Fred?
Are you all right? Fred?
Hey, honey, honey, I've got
wonderful...
What's the matter?
What happened to Fred?
Fred fainted.
Ethel told him
that she mortgaged the building
so we could go to Europe.
Oh, you didn't have to do that.
No? Why not?
Well, I thought I had to pay
the passage for everyone in the band,
but I found out about playing aboard
ship,
I don't have to, so with the money I
save,
you two can come along.
You can take us for nothing?!
Oh! (screaming)
Fred! Hey, Fred!
He didn't hear you.
Fred, you listen to me.
Fred! We can all go to Europe
and it won't cost you a cent!
Yeah!
Fred, Fred, we won't need this.
No.
You feel all right?
I never felt better in my life.
(clamoring)
("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)
ANNOUNCER: The part of Mr. Jamison
was played by Barney Phillips
and Mr. Feldman was played by Harry
Antrim.
Others in the cast were
Dorothea Wolbert, Hazel Pierce and
Louis Nicoletti.
Also heard at the recording studios:
The Pied Pipers.
"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
will be back next week at the same
time.