I Love Lucy (1951–1957): Season 4, Episode 12 - California, Here We Come! - full transcript

The Ricardos and Mertzes begin their cross-country drive to California.

Hi.

Hi, girl.

I brought your mail.

Oh, thanks.

What are you doing?

I'm figuring out the route

we're going to
take to California.

Oh, good.

I've got the list
of all the places

that each of us wants to see.

Now, Ricky wants to see
New Orleans and the Rockies,



and Fred wants to go to
Cincinnati and Niagara Falls.

And I want to see
the Ozark Mountains

and the Carlsbad Caverns.

I know, and we all want
to see the Grand Canyon

and Fred says we must
not miss Salt Lake City.

Believe me, it's
taken some brainwork

to figure out an itinerary
that'll please everyone.

It's impossible.

No, no, it's not impossible.

Just takes a little
sensible planning.

See?

Well, the only thing is,

we have to go through
New York three times

on the way to Chicago.



Oh, fine.

Well, we'll just have to
fight that out on the road.

Yeah, I guess so.

Want to see your mail?

Oh, yeah. Anything interesting?

Two bills and an ad

and a letter from your mother.

Oh, what did she say?

Now, Lucy, you know
I never read your mail.

Only postcards

and everybody knows
they're fair game.

Besides, your mother's
letter came to me.

Oh, sure.

It did. She enclosed it in
a letter she wrote to me.

Why would my
mother write to you?

Well, just listen.

"Dear Ethel: I
lost Lucy's address

"and couldn't find it

"in the New York phone book.

"There are so many
Richardsons listed."

Richardson?

She never remembers
Ricky's last name.

Well, that isn't even close.

Yeah, but she's getting better.

She refused to admit
I was married at all

until after the baby came.

Oh, Lucy...

Um... "I was able
to find your address

"and as you live in
the same building,

"I wonder if it would
be too much trouble

for you to give the
enclosed letter to her."

She really figures things out,

bless her little birdbrain.

Well, like mother, like... uh...

Oh, uh...

What does your letter say?

"Dear Lucy: How
are you and Micky?"

Micky.

"I couldn't find your address,

"so I'm sending this
letter to Ethel Mertz.

"If you don't get it,
please let me know

as I have made a copy of it."

Well, that's good thinking.

"The copy is enclosed."

"As a matter of fact, if
you have read this far,

"you must have
received this letter,

so tear up the copy
and thank Ethel for me."

Thank you.

Oh, it was nothing.

"After hearing the good
news about you going west,

"I got to thinking how I've
never been any further west

than Youngstown,
Ohio..." Oh, no!

"And this seems like
a golden opportunity

for me to get to California."

Oh, just wait till Micky
Richardson hears about this.

Well, you'll just
have to stop her.

Too late. Listen to this:

"I rented my house
to a lovely couple,

"and I bought a whole
new wardrobe for the trip.

"Sorry I didn't tell you I
was going with you sooner,

"but you know how it is when
you're planning a long trip:

"Some little detail is
liable to slip your mind.

I remain sincerely
yours, Mrs. McGillicuddy."

Mrs. McGillicuddy?

That's kind of formal, isn't it?

Well, sometimes she
forgets who she's writing to.

Well, what are you going to do?

Well...

there's just one thing to do.

What?

I'll say "Ricky, my mother
is going to California with us"

and then I'll jump
out the window.

Now, there, for a minute,

you were commencing
to sound like a real wife.

What do you mean?

Well, I like that
feeling when you said,

"Ricky, my mother is
going to California with us."

Oh, I like that feeling, too.

It's what comes
after that scares me.

Now, you might be surprised
at what would happen

if you took a real
firm stand with Ricky.

You think so?

Sure. Look at the
way I handle Fred.

Yeah, but you can lick Fred.

Oh...

You know...

maybe you got
something there, Ethel.

Sure.

I'm not going to have
my mother embarrassed.

I've got just as many rights
around here as he has.

Now you're talking.

I'm going to say "Ricky,
my mother is going

to California with
us and that's that!"

Good girl.

That's just what I'll tell him.

On the phone.

Now, you've got to
face him eventually.

Well, this will sort of
give me a head start.

Hello, Ricky. I got a letter
from my mother today,

and she's going to California
with us and that's that!

And I don't want any
argument about it!

Hello, Ricky. I got a letter
from Mother today, dear.

What are you doing?

The line's busy. I
was just practicing.

Oh, fine.

But I think you're right.

The thing to do is be firm.

Hello, Ricky. I got a
letter from mother today

and she's going
to California with us

and that's that!

And I don't want any argument.

What?! Do you hear me?!

Oh!

Don't get excited.

Now, please.
Ricky, please, now...

Mother!

Well!

I told you, dear, long
before you ever got married...

Well, uh, uh, it's not
what you think, Mother.

Uh, uh, Ricky and I were
just rehearsing a... a scene

from the picture that he's
going to do out in Hollywood.

Weren't we, dear?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Mother we were
rehearsing, a scene, that's right.

Now, you were
very good, sweetie.

Thank you.

Mother, it's so good to see you.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Isn't it good to
see mother, dear?

Yes, yes.

Mother?

You don't understand
any Spanish, do you?

Not a word.

Good.

Pick up Mother's bags, dear.

Oh, yes, sure.

Excuse me.

Thank you, Micky.

You're welcome.

Mother, you must be tired.

Why don't you sit down.

How's everything in Jamestown?

Oh, just wonderful.

Have you seen Marian von Black?

Oh, they moved way
up on the Old Hunt Road.

No kidding. Mother, why didn't
you call us from the station?

We would have picked you up.

Oh, that's all right,
dear. I took the bus.

It let me off right
in front of the door.

Oh.

Wait a minute. The bus
doesn't come down this street.

That's what the bus
driver tried to tell me.

He was so ridiculous.

Well, it was only two
blocks out of his way,

and all he had to do was
turn the steering wheel.

Do you mean to tell
me, you got the bus driver

to leave his route and
bring you right to our door?

I made a bargain with him.

He promised to bring me here

and I promised never to
ride on a New York bus again.

I think he made a
fine deal for himself.

Well, Micky...

I bet you were surprised
when Lucy told you

I was going to
Hollywood with you.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I was very surprised.

Oh, you know, dear,

I hated to give up
my club activities...

I'm chairman of the
bazaar this year...

And leave my
friends, but I figured

this was my chance to
take it to them in person.

What was that?

What?

Take what to them in person?

My book.

Oh, didn't I tell you?

I wrote a book.

You?

Yes.

You didn't think I
could write, did you?

No. I didn't even know
that you could re...

Ricky!

Well, Mother,

what is your book about?

It's the story of our family.

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Oh, it should make
a wonderful picture.

Yeah, yeah, those screwball
comedies are very successful.

Uh, Mother, I wouldn't
count too much

on selling your book
out there, you know.

They have an awful lot
of material floating around.

Oh, ordinarily, yes,

but now that Micky is a star,

he can take my book
right to Dore Schary.

Uh, Lucy, dear.

What?

I would like to rehearse

that scene again.

Would you step in
the next room with me?

No, not now, dear.

Yeah, now!

No, I want to talk to mother.

I'm so glad to see you, Mother.

It's been such a long time.

Come on in the kitchen.

We'll have a nice, long talk.

Real long one; maybe
three days or so.

Pardon us, dear.

There he is. Now, that's
Grandma's little darling.

Oh, come on, dear, now
we're going to market.

Now, you be a good boy
and mind Grandma, you hear?

Mother, please, no c-a-n-d-y.

Oh, all right, all right.

Here we go.

Bye-bye.

Lucy?

What?

Now that we're alone,
I'd like to speak to you.

Uh, well, I have some
packing to do, dear.

We can talk later.

When?

Well, when we get
out to California.

Lucy, I want to speak to you

and I want to speak to you now.

Now, look, I'm not
gonna drive 3,000 miles

in the same car with you mother.

Do you think three shirts

will be enough for you, dear?

'Course not, I need
at least a doz...

Never mind trying
to get me off track.

I don't like the way things
are developing around here.

I get a part in a picture.

It's all very simple.

You and I

and little Ricky...

Lucy?

Are going to go to Hollywood.

And then all of a sudden,

everybody that we've ever
known is coming along with us!

Oh, they are not.

They are, too!

Why couldn't we go alone?

Now, first you talked the
Mertzes into horning in.

I did not.

That was their own idea.

Well, they're tagging
along now anyway.

And to top it off,

you wanted to take
your mother along, too.

Now, Ricky, don't
get all excited.

Just be sensible.

I'm not gonna tell my
mother she can't go

when it means so much to her.

Well, somebody's
got to tell her.

Well, you tell her!

All right, I'll tell her.

Don't you dare!

And that's that!

What's that?

She's going...
That's what's that!

Oh, hi, come on in.

Why so formal?

That's the first time you've
rung the bell in years.

Hi!

What's the matter?

We have something to tell you.

Yeah.

What?

We can't go on your trip.

What? What?!

What are you talking about?

We're not going to California,

that's what we're talking about.

But why?

Well, we just changed our mind.

We don't feel like
going anymore, that's all.

But what happened?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

You two act like you
were sore at something.

Us? Sore?

Come on, honeybunch.

Now, wait a minute, you two.

What is the matter?

Nothing's the matter.

Go ahead and have a nice trip.

And don't forget
to drop a postcard

to Mr. And Mrs. Fred Horn-in-ski

or, as we are more commonly
known, the Tagalong Mertzes!

Bon voyage!

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

Me? What did I do?

Ethel heard you!

How could she have heard me?!

How could she help hearing you

with your big mouth
and her big ears?!

Now, look, I'm not going
to take the rap for this.

I wanted the Mertzes along.

You know that.

This whole thing
wouldn't have happened

if you hadn't insisted to
bring your mother along, too.

Honestly, your
mother is the most...

Hello, mother!

Oh, darling...

Oh, Mother, I told you
not to give him any candy.

Oh, is that what
you spelled out?

Oh... Oh, now,

one little lollipop
won't hurt him.

And grandma knows what's
best for him, doesn't she?

You'd better put
him down for his nap.

Okay, dear.

Oh, dear.

Who are you calling now?

Ethel.

Oh.

Hello, Ethel.

Ethel, listen to me.

Ethel, listen!

Now, you know
Ricky didn't mean that.

You know how he is
when he gets excited.

Now, listen, if I'd
taken half the things

he said to me seriously,
I'd have left him long ago.

What? Hello?

Hello?

She hung up.

Well, I don't blame her.

Lucy? Micky?

I want to speak to
you about something.

What is it, Mother?

I didn't say anything
in front of the baby

because little
pitchers have big ears.

I ran into the
Mertzes in the hall.

Yes?

They told me they're not going
to California and I know why.

You do?

Yes. It's because of me.

Now, just a minute, Mother.

It has nothing to do with you.

Oh, yes, it has.

Everything was all
right until I decided to go.

I'm the fly in the ointment.

Well, I'm not going.

You are, too.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Ricky...

Well, honey, she's
made up her mind.

You tell my mother
she has got to go.

Honey, you don't
want to force her.

That would make her unhappy.

All right, let me
tell you something.

If Mother isn't
going, I'm not going.

All right, then let me
tell you something.

If you're not going,
I'm not going.

Okay.

Okay.

May we come in again?

Why not?

We got to talking it over

and we decided we
acted pretty childish.

Yeah, we cooled off.

We realize that
Ricky said what he did

because he was a little
upset about your, uh...

But, anyway, he didn't mean it.

So, we're going to
go on the trip after all.

Well, I hope you
have a good time.

Send us a postcard
when you get out there.

What do you mean?

Nobody's going.

What's she talking about?

We had a beef.

The trip has been called off.

And it's all my fault.

I realized that you weren't
going because of me, so I...

Oh, no, honey,
that wasn't it at all.

We had a little misunderstanding

and we just
decided to forget it,

so now we're going.

Are you sure?

Sure.

Well, I wasn't going to go

because you weren't
going to if I was going.

But if you're going
when I'm going,

I might as well go.

What did she say?

I don't know, but I
think she's going to go.

Of course she is.

And I wasn't going
because she wasn't going.

But if she's going,
I might as well go.

So, now everybody's
going except, uh...

I'm out of the mood.

You four take the trip.

Now, Ricky, if you're
not going, I'm not going.

But if Lucy's not going,
I certainly am not going.

Well, if you three aren't
going, we certainly can't...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Oh, what a bunch of
characters I'm mixed up with.

Look, I'm going,
everybody's going,

Mother's going,
everything's fine.

Now, the only thing I
insist on is an early start.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, please pack all
your things up tonight.

We're going to leave at
6:00 a.m. in the morning.

Room for all these, Rick?

Oh, yeah. It's like
a dance hall in here.

Here, give me those.

This is all the heavy stuff.

The girls are bringing down
some odds and ends later.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

There we go.

Fine.

See? Yeah, easy.

How about that, huh?

Yeah, how about that?

Well, you can
always tie a rope on it

and drag it along behind.

No, we got plenty of room.

Yeah, put it over there.

I'll just take a couple of
these ones out of there

and put it in this.

Now what happens?

Well, I think if I
put this one first,

it'll work out right.

Why you put this in here for?

I didn't put it in.

I did, dear.

I was just trying to help.

Oh. Well, look, honey,
whatever you got left up there,

just put it on the sidewalk

and then when we're ready
for you, we'll fit it in, see?

Okay. Oh, listen,
Mother made sandwiches

so we won't have
to stop for lunch.

Good! Well, thanks.

10:00. We're four
hours late already.

Yeah.

I'll get them all out of here.

All right. All right.

You can put them down there.

Okay. Do you think this
will be enough lunch?

Yes.

This is a heavy one.

Be careful with that. Yeah.

I'm going to get in here, Fred,
and you hand them to me. See...

All right.

Okay? What do you want first?

Give me that big one, Fred.

Yeah. This?

I got it. It's heavy.

This one?

Yeah. That's it.

This is heavy, too.

Careful with that.

Give me another one.
That one right there.

Now what, the fat one?

Yeah. Let's try
the fat one there.

And I'll put this...

Watch... now try it.

Back in here, see?

Now, what about this?

That's it.

That one...

Got it?

Yeah.

Now, here's a little
one, makeup kit.

No spot for that?

No. I got to take this one out.

Turn that around the other way.

That way.

Next. Up with that.

This one?

Now.

That little one will
now fit in there.

Is that it?

Yeah, that's done it.

There.

Okay. Ay-ay-ay.

There we are. Isn't that great?

Yeah.

Ahh!

What's all this junk?

Are they crazy or something?

Oh...

Oh, no...

Lucy, what's all this junk?

Junk? This is all
necessary stuff.

Well, that's it, that's all.

Well, we can't
take all this stuff.

We-we haven't got any more room.

Well, make room!

It's impossible.

What do we do with it?

Well, we'll have to
live it here, that's all.

"Live" it here?
We need all this.

Wait a minute, will you?

Now, I've been sizing this up

and I think if we pack it all
just right, we can make it.

That's ridiculous.

Why don't you let me try?

Let him try.

Okay, try.

Now, Ricky, you go
down in the basement

and bring me a nice
piece of good, strong rope.

Okay, I'll get you the rope.

What do you want us to do, Fred?

Go on back in the
house and relax, sit down!

Get out of here!

Okay.

Give me that, will
you? Give me that!

Give me that.

Put that...

Go on, get out of here!

Go on with the rest of them!

All right, this was quite a job,

but I know how to
pack this kind of stuff.

There it is.

Well... now I've
seen everything.

What's wrong with it?

Well, for one thing,

I can't see where I'm going.

Oh, no, no. I
figured that out, too.

I left you a nice driving view

right down through
the middle here.

Honestly, I could
have loaded it better

with a pitchfork.

Our nice Pontiac.

It looks like a laundry wagon.

Yeah, well, you got to
admit, I got everything in.

Well, where are we going?

Get in there. There's
plenty of room in there for...

This is the most
ridiculous thing I've...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, everybody.

Listen to me.

Did it ever occur to any of us

that we could send
this stuff on ahead?

Of course!

What a bunch of jugheads we are!

Sure, we'll be on
the road two weeks.

It'll get there before we do.

Oh, dear, are we
really going to be driving

for two whole weeks?

Well, of course, Mother.

It's 3,000 miles,

and we're taking all
those little side trips.

Well, in that case, there's
something you ought to know.

What?

I get carsick.

That's all, brother.

That's all.

Oh, Mother, not in
this car, you won't.

This, this rides like a dream.

Oh, no, it wouldn't
happen in this car.

Well, I had no idea it
would take two weeks.

It didn't look that
far on the map.

Oh, mother...

I think I'll go by plane.

Good!

And I think little Ricky
should go with me.

The baby?

Gee, two weeks is a long
time on the road, Ethel.

Yeah.

Uh, it doesn't cost
hardly anything

to send the baby on the plane.

What do you think, Ricky?

I think it's a wonderful idea.

I do, too. I think that's great.

Yeah, you take him on the plane.

Okay, let's repack the car, huh?

Oh, now, just when I
got everything all set!

All set for what?!

You couldn't even get
through the Holland Tunnel

with this mess
that you got here!

You'd better take
this slow while...

Pull it all apart...

Well, you guys,
I just brought you

some little goodies
to take along with you.

Oh, I'm certainly
gonna miss you.

Thank you, Mrs. Trumbull.

Thank you very, very much.

Isn't that dandy?

Yeah.

Well, let's at least
try to get out of here

before it gets dark.

Well, Rick, you said...

You said you wanted
to leave around 6:00,

and I think we can
just about make it.

Yeah.

Now, Mother, you remember,

if you have any trouble
getting him to sleep,

just sing to him
in Spanish, huh?

I don't know any Spanish.

Oh, well, play one
of Ricky's records.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, good-bye.

Bye. Bye.

Good-bye, Mrs. Trumbull.

Don't forget to
collect all the rents

on the first of the month.

No, I won't.

And no matter how much
they pound on the pipes,

don't give them any more heat.

No, don't worry.
Okay, here we go!

I'll take care of everything.

Here we go!

Wait a minute, honey.

Let me kiss the baby
once more. All right.

Good-bye, sweetheart.

Bye-bye, darling.

Have a nice time. Bye-bye.

Good-bye, Lucy!

Good-bye, Micky.

Bye!

Good-bye, son!

Bye, honey.

Bye, darling.

Good-bye!

Bye!

Bye, son! Take care!

Bye!

Bye-bye! Let's go!

♪ California, here I come ♪

♪ Right back where
I started from ♪

♪ Where bowers of
flowers bloom in the sun ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Each morning at dawning,
birdies sing at everything ♪

♪ A sun-kissed miss
said, "Don't be late!" ♪

♪ That's why I can hardly wait ♪

♪ Open up that Golden
Gate, California, here I come ♪

Sing it, Freddy.

♪ California, here I come ♪

Yeah!

♪ Right back where
I started from ♪

Sing it, Daddy.

♪ Where bowers of
flowers bloom in the sun ♪

♪ Each morning at dawning,
birdies sing at everything ♪

Tell it.

♪ A sun-kissed miss
said, "Don't be late!" ♪

Don't be late? ♪ That's
why I can hardly wait ♪

Open up! Open up! Open up!
♪ Open up that Golden Gate ♪

♪ California here I ♪

♪ come! ♪ ♪ come! ♪

Next week I Love Lucy

will be brought to you
by Procter & Gamble,

makers of Cheer.

Mrs. McGillicuddy was
played by Kathryn Card.

Mrs. Trumbull was
Elizabeth Patterson.

I Love Lucy is a
Desilu Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next
week at this same time.