I Hate Suzie (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Acceptance - full transcript

Suzie has to come to terms with her situation and make some big decisions.

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SUZIE: Any home should feel safe

and warm and supportive.


Everything is home.

can you try the top and bottom again,

but even warmer?

Uh, yeah. Sure.

It's just... Yeah.



(SLOWLY) Here at EBG...

... we don't just take
care of your phone.

Now we provide your
electricity, heating and gas.

EBG. Everything is home.

Yeah. Have you got any more warm?
Like, uh, like, super warm?


Yeah. I mean, I could try.

This is a bit like
'Toast of London' this, isn't it?

- It's like what?
- 'Toast'.

- What?
- 'Toast'.


'Toast'. You... Don't worry about it.

REBECCA: It's... It's like toast?

It's a television program.


REBECCA: I don't have time
to watch television anymore.

Oh, shit. I forgot to call the school.

- Can you just do one while I'm...?
- SUZIE: Yeah.

(SIGHS) Okay. So...

SUZIE: I mean, um...

Am I really not warm enough?

I feel like I'm, like... porn panting.


I mean, is she for real?

Like, I am widely recognised
for my warmth.

I mean, I have...

I've won National Television Awards
for my warmth.

- DAVE: You're sad.
- You know that. I'm sad?

There's a sadness in your voice.

- Oh. Sorry.
- Okay.

Imagine you're a god.

It's always the same.

The text is "Buy this",

the subtext, "And you're
never going to die". Okay?

- Okay.
- Do one like that and we can go home.

- Okay.
- Go.



(WARMLY) Any home should feel safe

and warm

and supportive.


Everything's home.

DAVE: There you go. Good.


Everything is home...

... safe, warm, supportive.

- Good?
- DAVE: Good.


SUZIE: When I was young, I would
run a voiceover in my own head.

I dunno, maybe I'd watched
too many 'Wonder Years'.

But it's comforting, a voiceover.

- Who's fucking touched it, then?
- KAREN: It wasn't me!

So I have, have I?!

SUZIE: Telling a story about yourself.

Being the main character.

The only way to stay sane

is to string all the shit
that happens in your life together

into a story you can live with.

- KAREN: Leave me alone!
- PHIL: Don't touch it!

SUZIE: If you can talk
about yourself from the future,

you must've processed it, survived.

Nothing can hurt you with a voiceover.

And by imagining I was
the main character, I became one.

Things did start happening.

♪ More every day... ♪

SUZIE: I was special.

♪ Daylight, it leads me... ♪

- MAN: Okay, let's go again.
- 56. Take 3.

♪ Back your way, falling... ♪

SUZIE: Everyone was looking at me.

♪ Into my arms again ♪

♪ I'll say this ♪

♪ I miss you more ♪

♪ My friend. ♪




SUZIE: The photos are in the papers.

Now I've finally lost my mind,

they can legally print
me sucking a dick.

Maybe they're right.

Maybe I am insane.

Maybe I'm a monster.

COB: Everything just
comes to you, doesn't it?

You want what you want when you want it

and if you don't get exactly
that thing, that's it.

You lose your shit.

SUZIE ON VIDEO: Oh, you're going
to... Are you gonna film me?

- Open the door, mate! Open the door!
- _

Open the door! Ow!


Open... the... door!







SUZIE: Oh, God. Here's Naomi.

She's going to talk

and totally ignore all the shit
that happened between us.


Can you believe they blurred
the cock? They pixellated his dick.

Dixellated. That's so... It's, like,
you think that's offensive?

SUZIE: Here she goes.

NAOMI: It's fucking scandalous.
They love it!

They're saying legally
they can print it now

because you dragged it
into the public arena

with that video of
you shouting at that car.

I guess you want me to
cancel the hospital visit later?

With the kid?

What? No, no, no, no.
We can't do that. What if he dies?

Well, he definitely is gonna die,
Suze. That's the point.

Yeah, well, join the club.

Sorry, I didn't... I didn't...
I didn't mean that.

I'll cancel.

No, no, no, don't cancel it because
I'll just feel like a right cunt.

NAOMI: I'll come with you.

Nay, do you... do you think
we should have a proper chat?

Yeah. I'm just doing work stuff now.

Don't forget to pick up painkillers.
You're due on.

I know it sounds mental,
but last month, we were... in sync.

So, we've finally fully... merged.



- See you there, then.
- Okay.

KAREN: Come in!

SUZIE: My mum used
to clean for Naomi's dad.

Naomi's mum was dead.

Go on! Play!

SUZIE: And the house was like a grave.

It was very white and marble,
or fake marble.


SUZIE: She lived in a cul-de-sac
in Caversham,

but I was from Northcote.

And Caversham was where
people with two cars lived.

Anyway, one time,

my mum found all these knickers
in the bin with blood on them.

And immediately she
was asking questions.

I can't say what it's like
to have your wife die,

but... I don't think
it'd make you like that.

SUZIE: Always thinking the worst.

Such a cold man.

SUZIE: Particularly about men.

What did you find then?

Private things.

This is a job for you.

SUZIE: So I had a mission.

Do you ever get blood in your knickers?

Why? Do you?

Yeah. That's what a period is.

SUZIE: Naomi had been taking
her dead mum's tampons

from the cupboard in the toilet,

but she didn't know how to use them.

So she was just putting
them in her knickers

like you would a sanitary towel.

So there's blood on her pants,

but she doesn't want her dad to see,

so she throws them away
in the bin, which is fine.

Until a few months in,
when she runs out of knickers.


She started coming round all the time.


SUZIE: My mum preferred it when
there were lots of people around.

- Can I not make a phone call?
- I want to ask a question.

PHIL: Okay, ask away!
Ask who I'm with and where I'm going.

- What I'm doing.
- Oh!


SUZIE: And when everything
happened to me...

No, when I... did everything I did...

- YOUNG SUZIE: ♪ Say this ♪

♪ I miss you more every day ♪

♪ Daylight, it leads... ♪

PHIL: That's my girl! That's my girl!

♪ Back your way... ♪

SUZIE:... Nay was there.


♪ Falling into my arms... ♪

SUZIE: Part of it.

- That's the one we changed?
- That's the one we changed.

- Are you happy?
- Uh, yeah, think so.

MAN: It's all as discussed.

PHIL: Yeah, happy, happy, happy.

Right. Just... just sign.

Let's make you a star.

- MAN: Here we go.
- PHIL: That's that one.

NAOMI: Can I see?


SUZIE: We were in sync.

SONG: ♪ Did you get what you wanted? ♪

♪ I hope you're happy now... ♪

SUZIE: Naomi has a lot of theories.

NAOMI: They're short,
and it is, honestly, and I'm not

just this saying this 'cause I'm
Middle Eastern, it's extraordinary.

SUZIE: She consumes theories
like I did food in my 20s.


SUZIE: Bingeing on them all

and then me vomming them
back up to feel in control.



And it works.

For a while.

- ♪ Oh, did I disappoint you... ♪

- ♪ Or leave you feeling blue? ♪

- NAOMI: Oh, Jesus!
- What?

You know you actually
look too thin. You do.

Is there such a... such a thing?

But you're not going to be pretty
if you keep getting thin.

- Okay.
- I'm just saying, I'm just saying.

Anyway, anyway, um...

... I wanted to tell you about,
um, that guy, Cob,

'cause I wanted to
see him again tonight.

Where are you in your cycle right now?

- Oh my God. Fucking hell.
- No, seriously, where are you?

You don't know where you are
in your menstrual cycle?

SUZIE: Naomi has this theory
that the best time to make a decision

is when you've got PMT,

and she calls it the
Permanent Mega-Truth.

She says that PMT is the only time
you see everything clearly.

Once a month the world is in focus

and the shit you put up with
the rest of the time reveals itself.

If you have to have
a difficult conversation,

have it just before your period arrives,

before you lose your bottle.

Before you're leaking blood
and apologies.

the Permanent Mega-Truth.

Don't miss your chance.

SUZIE: Not much time left.

I'm intensely PMT.

And considering that, the last
24 hours could've been worse.


Open... the... door! Open...

Yeah, we don't need to, um...

But the fella wants charges
of disorderly conduct vandalism.

But minor!

So... we'll clear it up
with a simple caution.

WOMAN: Yeah, a caution
is just an official warning,

everyone goes on with their lives.

But you do have to admit
guilt of the offence.

And then it's just a
quick swab. And prints.

Like they do at the airport.
Some airports.

WOMAN: Just get
your left index finger...

... and press.

And your thumb.

SUZIE: I can't believe I'm
getting fucking prints taken

and he got his dick pixellated!

WOMAN: Great. Just get a swab.

WOMAN: You just scrape
the left side of your cheek

and then the right side of your cheek.

SUZIE: I mean, I would murder them all.

(WHISPERS) But now
they have my fingerprints.


Okay, don't worry, it's gonna
be fine. He doesn't look...

Well, I mean, he looks
like you'd expect.

I can't believe the
police cautioned you.

But I'm furious about that...

SUZIE: I hate people
who say they hate hospitals.

When something happens to your kid,
you don't hate hospitals.

You beg them. You worship them.

NAOMI: They take fingerprints...

SUZIE: When Frank was born,

I thought something had happened to him.

And everyone said, "No, it's fine,
it's fine, it's fine.

You're paranoid".

And then they said
he wasn't reacting normally.

And I said, "I know".

And then they told me...


It's nothing you did.
It didn't happen during the birth.

It's a chromosomal abnormality

that no-one... no-one
could do anything about.

It would have happened at conception.

Okay, um...

Right, okay.

- We'll have an appointment with the audiologist?
- DOCTOR: Mm-hm.

SUZIE: And in the following months,

they talked about how high risk
the implant procedure was for him,

and that he wasn't a good candidate.

And Cob kept saying
it's not that he's ill.

We should be the ones to learn.

He was a happy little boy.

We should wait and see.

And so I listened.

... how extreme they are,
those have to be tested. Doctor...

Nay, don't you think we should
talk about what happened?

Uh, yeah. I do.

Let's brunch tomorrow.

It isn't the time
for our drama right now.

HEATHER: Have a nice time.
Let me know if there's anything...

- Okay. Look who's here!
- HEATHER: Good to see you.

- Hi! How are you doing?
- You beat me to it.

- Good to see you. Really good.
- Nice to see you.

- Hi!
- Thank you. Come on in!

Alex has been so excited.
He's been waiting for you.

- Oh, look! Did you draw that?
- ALEX: Yeah.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

- No way!
- It's for you.

- SUZIE: You're an amazing artist.
- Thank you.

Yeah, I've been drawing pictures.
I have a lot about you.

SUZIE: Oh, my goodness me!

- You're an artist, a proper artist!
- ALEX: Thank you.

In fact, I've got, um...


I don't know if you're into it...

Well, I know you're into it, but I
don't know if you want one of these.

- Oh, I love it!
- Really?

- Yes. I really love it.

Oh, look, you've got one right there!

- Yeah.
- The Mantis.

Let's have a look. Like,
in a sort of collector's item.

SUZIE: Cob says I do this kinda stuff
to feel better about myself.

- SUZIE: Yeah, yeah.
- ALEX: Yeah.

SUZIE: Who doesn't like the game?

SUZIE: That it's ego
masquerading as care.

Which is, you know, whatever...

SUZIE: Maybe. Maybe I am like that.

Maybe I do just want to seem
like a good person.

I'll have my coffee in there.

SUZIE: But how is that really
different from being a good person?

I mean, ultimately?

He says I'm a bad mother to my own kid

and an angel to other people's.

SUZIE: Perfect. Thank you so much.

Wow. I love that.

- No, Mum, of course you're in it!
- ALEX: Come on, Mum.

SUZIE: Have you got
any brothers or sisters?

Yeah, I have an older brother.

- Have you?
- Yeah.

- What's his name?
- Jay.

Three, two, one.

ALL: 'Quo Vadis'!

Amazing! Silly faces.

- ALEX: Um...

NURSE: There we go.

Okay, just hold still and I'll just...

There you go.


We buried him in the ground.
Do you remember?


Well, he's dead,

so he can't be angry now.

Yeah, probably.

You killed him.

Yeah, you did.

Can you tell me what the best
and the worst times were?

The best and the worst times?

What? Of life?

What? The show?

Well, this is a personal highlight.



Yeah, that's alright.

It says he's one minute away.

We're still on for tomorrow, right?

I think I'm gonna walk.

- Really?
- Yeah, yeah. I've got this app thing.


SUZIE: I'm alive. I'm alive.

- This is my life.

I can do things. I'm okay.

My child is healthy.

Or at least not dying.

The boy I just left is dying.

I've wasted my life.

This boy has no life
and I'm wasting mine.

I'm going to die without
a single idea of who I actually am.

Oh, God, I'm going to
die! I'm gonna die!

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Now, now, the boy would
want me to have a life

and he's not called the boy,
he's called Alex, actually, Suzie.

Jesus Christ.

I think.


SUZIE: Maybe it's just a hormone
imbalance hitting a cool change,

but suddenly I know exactly what to do.


childish and you got aggressive ♪

♪ And I must admit
that I was a bit scared ♪

♪ But it gives me thrills
to wind you up ♪

♪ My fingertips are holding on to... ♪

SUZIE: I have to use this window
while I feel like this,

before my period, to address this.

♪ But I can't... ♪


♪ Every time we fight... ♪




- SUZIE: Valerie is nice.

SUZIE: Valerie is the student

I suspect my husband
is having an affair with

after I started flirting with her

from his phone a couple of weeks ago.

There's joy in her.

If he's going to have an affair,
as he's bound to now,

I'd rather be part of it.





So what did you wanna talk about?


Oh, what?

You texted me earlier.

Oh, um...

Listen, um...

Hmm. Weirdest thing happened today.

- Did it?
- This student comes into my office.

Um, she's this young, bubbly,
sort of normally quite friendly,

like, I know her quite well,
she came to France on the study trip.

And she starts, like... (HALF-LAUGHS)

You're going to think
I'm making this up.

She sort of sits on the edge of the desk

and... and... and starts touching
her own leg like in a bad movie.

And she takes off her jacket and, uh...

(LAUGHS)... she drops it
on the floor like...

And so, obviously, I'm thinking
this is some sort of dare.

So I'm aware, like, shit,
I'm probably being recorded.

So I just sort of say, "Oh, okay,
I'm going to open the door now.

I hope you're feeling okay".

And then she gets
really upset and runs out.

SUZIE: He isn't having an affair.

I mean, #metoo, right?
What the fuck is that about?

I'm just going to get a drink. I need...

- What?
- I need a drink.

I need to have a drink. I feel stressed.

Listen to any of what I just said?


SUZIE: I wonder if this is what
it feels like to be going crazy.

Remember this afternoon. It was clear.

Everyone does things like this.

This is normal.
This is okay. Just say it.




SUZIE: Oh, I just broke this bloody...

This floor is stupidly hard.

You know, I was serious
about you talking to someone.

Maybe even asking about medication.

I mean, I... I almost feel
like everything I've been taking

for the last year should just be
transferred over to you.

Yeah, I'm sorry you're
taking antidepressants.

I just think...

I just think I'm...

... I'm stressed about
all the school stuff.


You'll see tomorrow. He should
be with kids like him, Suzie.

SUZIE: He's always sure he's right.

Yeah, I know. You're right.

I just think that, you know,
when he leaves this special school,

the world's not gonna
be like that, you know.

The world's gonna be all hearing people

and lip reading and
I just... I don't know,

I just don't want that
to be abnormal for him.

You don't want him to be abnormal.

He's not abnormal, Suzie. He's deaf.

No. I don't want that
to be abnormal for him.

SUZIE: I hate the way he talks to me.


Are you having an affair
with that Valerie girl?


- No. What the fuck?!
- Because you just... you...

you went away together,

and now you're saying all this stuff

about her trying it on with you and...

When did I even call her Valerie?

You... said.

No, I didn't.

Well, then, I think it's
quite weird that you didn't.


You're crazy.

SUZIE: I must seem crazy.
I feel crazy. Am I crazy?

Don't fucking call me crazy.

You attacked a car.
You are objectively crazy.

No, you know what,
let me put it this way.

You need to talk to someone. Okay?
You have no idea who you are.

SUZIE: You have no idea who I am.

Yeah, I know.

SUZIE: Because I have to live
being whatever you need me to be

so you can feel big and strong and okay.

You're right.

(CLEARS THROAT) You need to face up
to what you've done, okay?

Not just to me, but to Frank.


Because those photos
will never go away, okay?

His memory of his birthday
will never go away.

SUZIE: Mm-hm.

You do... You know that, don't you?

Yeah. I hate that
I've caused so much pain.

(SCOFFS) Of course you hate it.
Of course you fucking hate it.

It makes you feel bad about yourself.

And that's all you care about, isn't it?

SUZIE: Maybe that is all I care about.

COB: Isn't it?

You feel guilty, okay?

We had this amazing thing

and you pissed all over it
in front of the whole fucking world.

SUZIE: It wasn't this amazing thing.

It wasn't.

- No.


You know, I think...

... what if I'd just
carried on, you know?

What if those... it hadn't come out?

I just... I... I think
I... I probably wasn't happy.

Suzie, that is just a story
you are telling yourself

to excuse all your shittiness.

You can see that, can't you?

- You can... You can hear yourself?
- SUZIE: I don't think that's true.

Yeah, I can see that.

SUZIE: That is not true.

Maybe, yeah.

SUZIE: No, it isn't!

Thing is, you have to see yourself
as this good person, but you're not.

Mmm. Yeah.

You're fucking not. I love you, but...

SUZIE: I don't know what that means.

I love you.

I love you like a member
of my family that I hate.

I just think that maybe I've been
hiding, you know? I just...

I think that maybe
I've spent so much time

living from other people's perspectives

and I think that has to stop.

You know, I think...

I think I don't wanna be
in a relationship with you.

But I worry that will ruin your life

and I worry that will ruin
Frank's life too.


Well, how kind of you.

How incredibly thoughtful of you, Suzie.

- So it's my fault, is it?
- SUZIE: Yes.

- No.
- COB: Hmm.

SUZIE: Yeah!

No. No, no, no. No, actually.

The truth is I don't love you, Cob.

But I think that's fair enough
considering what you're like.

So after... Let me
just get this straight.

After cheating on me
in front of the entire world,

and then losing your shit publicly

and then assaulting our child,

you're leaving me!

You're fucking... You're leaving me?

Is that what you're saying?
You're fucking leaving me?!

Is that what you're fucking saying?!

SUZIE: No! No, no, no, no, no.


SUZIE: Oh, well done.

It's women who are
there for other women.

It's women who are the great loves.

That's what love is.


- Hey.
- Hey.


My God, such news!

Um, look, I'm... I'm sorry.
It goes without saying.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

- Yeah, but...
- Suz, it's good. Listen.

I'm premenstrual, so we'll talk now
'cause you know my whole theory...

Yes, I know your whole theory.

Um, yesterday with the kid....

- What kid?
- In the hospital?

Oh, fuck, that kid. Sorry.

(LAUGHS) Sorry. I thought
you meant your kid.

- Your unborn kid.
- No, no, no.

No, that's... that's it.
I... I don't actually want a kid.

I've realised I... I just don't want
any options taken away from me.

That's different,
but I don't want a child.

I just don't want to not have one.

You know?

Really? Okay. Well, no, I mean,
that's... that's valid.

No, but I don't wanna end up trapped.

- No offence.
- WAITRESS: Can I get you anything?

Uh, yeah. Can I have
a sparkling water, please?

- I'm fine, thanks.

- Um, I just...

I feel like my whole life, I've just...

I've seen everything from
other people's points of view

and I've never asked myself,
like, what do I want?

I've asked myself what you wanted
and I've responded to it.


But that's... that's not giving.
That's hiding. You know?


I really, really don't want
to be an agent anymore.

I hate it. I'm fucking terrible at it.

Well, you're... you're
not terrible at it, but...

NAOMI: No, no. I get it.

I appreciate that must've
taken some balls to say.

It's a nightmare for you, I get that.

No. Hang on. That's not what I'm saying.

I'm just saying I'm... I'm happy

that you've, you know,
come to this conclusion.

- It's the Permanent Mega-Truth.
- Oh, right, yeah.

I... I want to go to Iran
for a bit just 'cause I can.


Yeah, Suz. Iran.


Yeah, I wanna see where
my grandmother's buried.

Okay, but no. You were like me.
You're from Reading.

But I'm not, am I?

Okay, great.

Okay, well, you don't have to say that.
Clearly, you don't mean it.

No. It's...

I'm happy for you.

- Suz...
- No, no, no!

Okay, I'll be sup... I'll be supportive.

I get it's not ideal,
but it's going to be okay.

I know you better
than you know yourself.

Okay. Fuck off, Naomi.

I know you better than I know myself.
And that's not right, is it?

So, um, I left Cob.

There's this smell in Iran
when water hits the hot pavements.

I remember it when we'd go
before Mum died.

Are you... You know,
what are your other...

What do your other clients
have to say about this?

I mean, you're going to move
to fucking Iran?

What will you even wear?

They're fine with it.
They're really happy for me.

You're the only person
I didn't know how to tell.

I love you, Suz.

SUZIE: The truth is
adults are arseholes.


- Yes, you!

All out for themselves.

You can love a man,
you can love a friend.

"I'm off to Iran".

SUZIE: But I would push
every single one of them

under a bus for my kid.

Fucking go then.

That's what love is.

Hi. I'm Suzie, Frank's mum.
You know my... um, Cob.

Oh, right, yes! Sorry.

I knew... Um, thanks!

- _

- Hi! How are you?
- _



- No, thank you.
- _

- _


Well, Mummy can't. But it's okay. Yeah.

Just text me if you feel sad
or anything happens. Yes?






MAN ON RADIO: Call us on 05016744833.

SUZIE ON RADIO: Any home should
feel safe and warm and supportive.

Here at EBG, we don't
just take care of your phone.

Now we provide your
electricity, heating and gas.

EBG. Everything's home.








Hey, I'm just calling to say
I'm not collecting Frank.

He's staying over. So can we
just get into it later? Just us...

COB: Uh, no, we... we... we don't
need to get into it at all, Suz.

Just, while I've got you, um,
I just want you to know that

I will never fucking forgive you

and I will make your life

a living hell from now on, forever, okay?




SUZIE: No-one is coming to rescue you.

♪ If I told a lie ♪

♪ Oh, and if I made you cry ♪

♪ When I said goodnight ♪

♪ I'm sorry from... ♪

MAN: Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh, sorry.

Can I get a photo?

Uh, no.

- Huh!
- No, you can't.

It's alright. We... we
can do it ourselves.

- Don't worry about it. It's fine.
- We're experts. Right.

- Okay, so... it's fine.
- Hurry up!

Oh, sorry! No, no, no, I'll do it.

Come here. Of course I'll do it. Sorry.

- Okay, thank you!
- Sorry. I just...

I'm an idiot. Well, I'm not an idiot.
I just misunderstood.

I dunno. Sorry. Just...

Um, that's... that's lovely.


I'm just gonna take a f...

I'm just gonna take a few
so you get a good one.


There you go. There's a few good...
good ones there, mate.

- Thanks very much.
- Thanks very much. What's your name?


- Thank you, Janet.
- Yes.

- Goodnight.
- It was nice to meet you.

- Have a good one.
- 'Bye.

Nice to meet you.
Oh, where are you off to?

- Uh, we're... we're just off home.
- Yeah.

Hey, aren't you the, um...

Aren't... aren't you the... the girl
that sang that... that song?

Yes. Yes, I am.

God, how did it go? I... I had it!

- SUZIE: Oh.
- Um... I'll...

(SINGS) ♪ I'll say ♪

(MAN JOINS IN) ♪ This ♪

♪ I miss you more ♪

♪ My ♪

♪ Every daylight ♪

♪ It leads me back your way ♪

♪ Falling ♪

♪ Into my arms... ♪


♪ Again ♪

♪ I'll say this ♪

♪ I miss you more ♪

♪ My friend. ♪


- Amazing!
- Thank you.

- SUZIE: Okay.
- See you, lady. 'Bye! Goodnight.

- Uh, 'night.
- Amazing. 'Night.

- 'Bye!
- 'Bye!

Can I come home with you?


Not for... Not for long.

I just... I just haven't
got anywhere to go

and I... I just need somewhere to be.


- Of course.
- Is that alright?

Yeah, yeah. Come on.
We can get you something to eat.

- SUZIE: Thank you.
- Or wi-fi, if that's useful?

SUZIE: I'd love some wi-fi. Thank you.

SUZIE: Every home should feel safe
and warm and supportive.


Everywhere is home.

SUZIE: I've just got to work out
what to do, really.

Have you got a charger?

- MAN: Not on us.
- SUZIE: No, but...