I Dream of Jeannie (1965–1970): Season 5, Episode 1 - Jeannie at the Piano - full transcript

[♪]

Uh, this is trash.

TONY:
Oh, boy.

More trash.

There's classified trash.

[PHONE RINGING]

Get that, will you, Roge?

Hello.
Major Nelson's office.

Ah, no, she's not here now.
Have you tried her bottle?

It's for Jeannie.
Huh?

Yeah, yeah, we'll accept
the charges. Where is it from?



Babylon?

Thank you, Major Healey.

Hello.

Oh, hello, auntie.
How nice of you to call.

Jeannie, would you get
out of here, please?

We're expecting
a lot of people in here.

Just one moment, master.
Oh, boy.

Yes, I am here, auntie.

What? Oh! A surprise?
Ha, ha.

Oh, well, I do not know...
Jeannie, please.

Wait a minute.
Give her a chance, will you?

It's a long-distance call.
Yeah, from Babylon.

Do you have any idea
what that costs? Yes.

Auntie, look, could you tell me
what the surprise is?



Oh.
Uh-huh.

Oh. Yeah, well,
that is true. Ha.

It would not be a surprise
if you told me what it was.

Um, well, in that case,
I will have to ask my master.

Just one minute, please.
Master, Aunt Malama is sending...

Y-yeah, anything.
Anything you want, just get off.

He agrees.
He agrees.

Oh, yes, Aunt Malama.
Oh, we both thank you.

[KISSES]

Goodbye. Heh-heh-heh.

That was Aunt Malama
from Babylon.

She... She is just a little bit
eccentric for a genie.

Yeah?
Mm.

She likes to use the telephone
because she thinks it's magic.

Ha! She thinks it's magic.
[BANGING ON DOOR]

BELLOWS: Major Nelson,
what's blocking this door?

Stall him. Hey,
stall him. Shh-shh.

Uh, there's a couple
of boxes out there.

What do you want me to do?
Just...

I can't stall him.
I can't...

Shh.

Now, master,
she's sent me a surprise.

Oh, good.
What kind of a surprise?

Oh, I do not know.
She would not tell me.

But she sends the best surprises
in the whole world.

Oh, good, good, good.
Darling, just go home

right now, would you, please?

I wonder what it is.
I don't care what it is.

It doesn't matter.
Please, just go home.

Oh, but she is sending it here.

Out!
Agh!

Thank you.

[♪]

[BARKS]

Djinn-Djinn.

[♪]

[♪]

Be calm. Remember where
you are and don't get excited.

I'd like to explain
about the sandwich I ate

in the capsule.
What are you talking about?

Major, why is
all this debris...?

Great heavens. That dog.
[DOG GROWLS]

Uh, no, this is not the dog
you're thinking of, sir.

This is another dog.
It looks just like it. Ha-ha.

Hi, Djinn-Djinn.
Shred any uniforms lately?

Djinn-Djinn.

That's the name of the dog.

I knew it was the same one.

Thanks, Roge.

Major,
what are you thinking about?

Do you realize the last time
that dog was on this base

it almost destroyed
the entire space program?

Oh, well, he was just
a little puppy then, sir.

Yeah, but he's full grown now.
Think what he could do.

[GROWLS]

Uh, what I meant, sir,
he's, ah...

He's been in training.
As a matter of fact,

the owner says he's
been to obedience school.

Yeah. Yeah, well, he's sort of

an obedience-school
dropout. Ha, ha, ha.

Thanks.
I needed that.

Yeah.

Well, there's still
no reason to bring a dog

to a military installation.

Roger, would you take the dog?
I don't want the dog.

Take the dog.
Take the dog.

You see, sir?
You see how friendly he is?

Well, that's no excuse

to bring him
to a military installation.

Don't... Don't put on your coat.
Sir, please don't put on your...

Tony. Tony. Tony. T...

Major Healey,
what are you doing?

Oh, uh, just... Just petting
the dog, sir. Ha-ha.

Tony, the og-day
has isappeared-day.

Oh, the og-day.
Oh, ho-ho.

Sir, as soon as we get
this place cleaned up,

I'll get rid of the dog.
You don't have to worry.

Well, see that you do.
And friendly or not,

just remember that NASA
is no place for animals.

Yes, sir. Yes.
And I wanna see you in my off...

[FABRIC TEARING, GROWLING]

Heavens.
What?

He's biting me.
What?

What?
[DOG BARKING]

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

And I'm telling you,
Major Nelson,

if I ever see that saboteur
on this base again...

Please, sir,
don't shout. The...

If I ever see it here again...

I hope we get that air
coming in soon.

Would you hold that, please?
Well, what's all this?

It's all right, general.
I'm taking care of it.

Oh, a cute little puppy dog.
Is it yours, major?

Yes. Yes, sir.
Well, what's his name?

Oh, be careful, be careful.

His name's Djinn-Djinn,
sir.

I'm keeping it
for a friend of mine.

Yes, sir. I was telling major
that NASA is no place for dogs.

Oh, don't be so hard-nosed,
doctor.

Remember the landing module's
named after a dog. Ha, ha.

Yeah, Snoopy.

Snoo... Right.
That's right, it is.

Nothing wrong with bringing him
here,

as long as he's well-trained.

Well-trained?
Very well-trained.

Yes. He went to obedience
school,

and has a blue ribbon
with clusters.

That's ridiculous.
Excuse me.

Oh!
Miss!

Obedience school, huh?
MAN: General!

Here, let me see.
I-I'll be right there.

Obedience school, huh?

I don't think you'd
like to hold it.

Oh, yes. You know, my Jupiter...
Roger!

Won second place
in the eastern division

obedience trials
the last two years running.

Oh, is that right?
But this year, he'll be first.

Oh, that's very interesting,
sir.

Hey, as a matter of fact,
the big meet's next Sunday.

I'm giving Jupiter
his last workout tomorrow.

Say, why don't you bring
Djinn-Djinn to the park tomorrow

and we'll see how he stacks up
to a real champion?

Uh, well, I-I...

T-tomorrow's almost
impossible, sir.

I d-don't...
I... I...

Heh, oh, well, thank you.

Good. Shall we say 10:00?

Ten o'clock?
Yeah.

Oh, and, uh, doctor,
get some decent trousers.

This is a military installation.

Oh, yes, sir.

Uh, I'm sorry...

SCHAEFFER:
Oh, my coat, major.

Yes, of course. Sorry.
Thank you.

[BARKING] Feisty, isn't he?

Yeah, ha-ha, feisty.

Well-trained.
Really.

Nyeh.

Roger! Roger!

Oh, but, master, I've not seen
him in such a long time.

And it is only for the weekend.
[SIGHS]

In a weekend,
he could destroy Cocoa Beach.

Oh, no, no, no, master. It is
only uniforms that upset him.

He will go nowhere near NASA.

And... And... And...

And he loves you.
He loves you.

[DOG WHIMPERS]
[TONY LAUGHS]

Hello, Djinn-Djinn.

[LAUGHS] Oh, okay.

Oh! Thank you. Mm. Mm.

I have the most wonderful,
marvelous, most generous master

in the whole world.
Yeah, ha-ha-ha.

Uh, b-but just
for three days.

And he's not to go
anywhere near NASA.

Nowhere near.
Understand?

[GIGGLES]
[CHUCKLES]

What are you going to
tell General Schaeffer?

I don't know.
I'll think of something.

[CHUCKLES] Ohhhh!

[BARKS]

All right, Roger,
I want you to back me up.

The owner came for the dog,
and that's that, okay?

He had to go back to Babylon.
Huh?

Just forget it.

Just don't say anything.
Okay.

As soon as my master
has talked to General Schaeffer,

he will come home
and play with you, I promise.

Djinn-Djinn?

No tricks, now, you naughty dog.
Come back here.

Djinn-Djinn.

Tsk. Oh, dear.

Ooh, Djinn-Djinn.

Darling, sweet little doggie.

Come back,
I will give you a bone.

Ooh-ooh.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Oh.

Djinn-Djinn, come back here,
you naughty dog.

[DOG GROWLING]

Oh, dear.

Tsk. Oh, dear.
I promised my master.

Stay, Jupiter.

Stay. Stay.

Stay, Jupiter.

TONY:
Good morning, sir.

Good morning, general.
Beautiful dog.

Oh, good morning. Look, look.
Look at that, major.

Steady as a rock.

He wouldn't move
until I released him

if his life depended on it.

Tomorrow, first prize for sure.

A marvelous dog, sir.
Hey, where's Djinn-Djinn?

I'm anxious to see how
he stacks up to my Jupiter.

Ahem. Well, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about, sir.

The owner, uh,
came by this morning

and said that, uh, we couldn't...

Uh, well, he, uh...
He came by unexpectedly, sir.

It seems... It seemed
that the little boy

missed the dog so much

that they decided to take him
along on the weekend.

Oh, Tony's very broken-hearted
about it, sir.

He was counting on working his
little pup up with your Jupiter.

[DOG GROWLS]

What are you talking about,
major? There's Djinn-Djinn.

Oh, yeah.
What Roger meant was that, uh,

when I explained what we wanted
to do with Djinn-Djinn,

uh, the owner
agreed to let him stay.

Yeah, that's... That's what...
That's what I meant, sir.

Well, so long as
it worked out all right.

Well, shall we get to work?

All right. Uh...

Wanna leave the bone?
[WHIMPERS]

No, you're right.
We'll... We'll take the bone.

[♪]

You're gonna put him through
his paces

with that bone in his mouth?

Oh, uh, it's a training aid,
sir. Ha-ha-ha. Heel.

Good boy, Jupiter.
Ha-ha. Good boy.

[WHISPERS] Roger, get Jeannie.

What?
Get Jeannie.

Sorry, what did you say?
He said, "Get Jeannie."

Good boy, Jupiter.
Look at that, major.

He hasn't moved a muscle.

Now, that's obedience for you.
Yeah.

Yeah, you sure have your job
cut out for you, Djinn-Djinn.

Well, that's quite a dog, sir.
Quite a dog.

[♪]

Jeannie, Jeannie.

I gotta get ahold of Jeannie.

[PHONE DINGS]

Major Healey.
Major Healey.

You're gonna have to wait
a minute, miss.

This is an emergency call.

Okay.

[WHISTLING]

Oh, never mind.
I found him.

Uh, hello, operator?

Master.
Huh?

Master, where is Djinn-Djinn?

[♪]

[GROWLING]

[DJINN-DJINN BARKING]
Stay, Jupiter.

[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Stay, Jupiter.

Down, boy!

Jupiter, that's an order.

Down, Jupiter.

[JUPITER BARKING]

Down, boy.

Would you do something, please?

Oh, yes, master.

Mmm. Whoops, I missed.

Yes, I'd say you missed.
Would you fix it?

Would you fix the general?
Yes, master.

[BOTH DOGS BARKING]

Um, master, perhaps
you had better tell me

exactly what it is you
wish me to do. Yes.

Uh, unfreeze the general.
Unfreeze the general.

Calm down the Great Dane.
Calm down the...

And get rid of Djinn-Djinn.
Get rid of...

Wait a minute.
In reverse order.

Oh. Yes. Here, Djinn-Djinn.

Come on, puppy.
Come on, nice little...

J... Can't you just blink him?
Just blink him.

Operator, this is an emergency.
I-I know she's there.

Will you please try again?

Yes.

Oh, uh, what's your number?

Ah, no, no, not your
work number. Your home number.

Yeah, you've got
a very sexy voice.

Oh, I've got a sexy voice?

Ha-ha, we both have sexy voices.

Are you, uh...?
Are you short or tall?

[♪]

[BOTH DOGS BARKING]

Oh, that is a good puppy.
Come on, darling.

Come to your mama.
Shh-shh.

Good puppy.
Can't you just blink?

Come on.
Of course not, master.

Djinn-Djinn is a genie. He does
not respond well to force.

Come on, puppy.
Come on, baby.

Major Nelson, General Schaeffer.

Oh, master, you frightened him.

Dr. Bellows. Get outta here.
Get outta here.

Unfreeze the general and...
And then split.

Ah, ha.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[WHISTLES]

There, there, there.

That is a good general.

[MAGIC BOINGS]

[BARKS]

Come on, come on.
There you go.

What happened?

Jupiter!

Ah, sir.
Hello, major.

I thought I'd drop by
to see how things were doing.

Where's the little one,
Djinn-Djinn?

The little one,
Djinn-Djinn?

[FABRIC TEARING]
Ah! Never mind.

I know where he is.
At least I think I do.

[FABRIC TEARING]
BELLOWS: Oh!

[JUPITER BARKING]

[YELLS]

Uh, uh, major. W...

[♪]

[GRUNTING]

[DJINN-DJINN BARKING]

[MAGIC BOINGS]

General, look at my pants.

I told you
that dog was a disaster.

All right, doctor,
you were right,

but this is no time
to remind me.

Jupiter! Stay!
That's an order!

Agh!
[CRASHES]

[BARKING]

Jupiter, heel!
Jupiter!

When I get my hands
on that mutt...

Well, I'm sure it's not
your dog's fault, sir.

It's that Djinn-Djinn.
That's who I'm talking about!

If I get my hands
on that mutt...

How does it feel to be locked up
in a capsule?

Well, not too bad.

It's... It's a little stuffy
in this phone booth, though.

Heh-heh.
Yeah, it sure does.

Yeah.

What...? What phone call?

Oh, the emergency phone call.

Yeah, keep... Keep ringing.
Yeah, k... Don't go away.

Don't go away.
Don't go.

You want to give me that number
once more?

Oh, hi, Djinn-Djinn.
[DJINN-DJINN BARKING]

A friend of mine just went by.

[JUPITER BARKING] Hi, Jupiter.

Heh-heh. Yeah, I've got a lot
of friends around here.

Yeah, that's right.

[♪]

Aghhh!

Agh!

[♪]

SCHAEFFER: Major Nelson, where's Jupiter?
Where did he go?

Are you all right?
Ugh.

Which way did he go, major?

Oh.

Just...
Which way did Jupiter go, major?

You are without a doubt...

Don't you remember anything?

Can...? Can you speak up?

There seems to be
some noise at your end.

Ah, that's better.

Ah, about tonight,

y-you wanna meet me
at the office?

Okay.

I'll pick you up
at your place, okay?

Oh, yeah, and about
that emergency call,

you wanna forget about that

and call the telephone
company repair truck?

Okay. Bye-bye, now.
Bye.

Ha.

Uh. Oh, hello.

I didn't get my dime back.
Hello?

Years of training, major.

Countless hours of patience,

discipline, kindness.

Gone.

All gone in a single morning.

I'm begging your pardon, sir.
I-isn't it perfectly natural

for a dog to get excited
when it meets another dog?

SCHAEFFER: That isn't a dog, major.
That's a canine pied piper.

And you said he was trained.

Tie only training that dog's had
is in guerilla warfare.

I'm... I'm extremely sorry, sir.
I truly am sorry.

SCHAEFFER:
Sorry, major?

Sorry?

Jupiter's lost.

Gone.

My friend, my companion,

and also my chances to win
that obedience trial tomorrow.

Gone.

He has no right
to be so angry, master.

Djinn-Djinn is gone too.

What?
What's that, major?

Uh, I said
Djinn-Djinn's gone too.

And thank heavens.
I'm running out of trousers.

I just want you to know, major,
that if Jupiter isn't found

by tomorrow,
I am holding you responsible.

Yes, of course, sir.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[PANTS] Oh, good news, sir.
We found it.

Where?
At the pound.

Which dog?
Oh, Jupiter.

I didn't ask about Djinn-Djinn.

I figured he could
take care of himself.

Oh, well, let's go.

Uh, me too, sir?

Well, aren't you anxious
to find out

whether they got Djinn-Djinn?
Not particularly.

[GASPS]

Master.

Major.
Huh? Oh.

[DOGS BARKING]

Arnold P. Dockweiler.

I'm the Cocoa Beach dog catcher,

and I wanna speak
to the supervisor personally.

Why?

I want him to call out
the National Guard.

I've got a canine revolution
on my hands.

You sure you got
the message right?

At least let's try, then.

That's right. Dogs.
[BARKING CONTINUES]

I think they've all gone crazy.

Djinn-Djinn's here all right.
Hm?

Excuse me.

Go away.

You can't see the dogs today.

But this man called.

You said you had
a Great Dane named Jupiter.

And a little mixed breed, w...

About this big
with long curly hair.

Have him call me back.

Uh, it's an extreme emergency.

So he's your dog.

That, uh... That...
That vicious beast.

Ooh, lightning fast.

Ooh, he strikes before
you even know he's coming.

That's Djinn-Djinn.

What about my Great Dane,
Jupiter?

Oh, he's in there.

He's in there
with the rest of 'em.

Let me tell you something:

I wouldn't go in there
unless I was in a tank.

Oh, that's ridiculous.
Let me by, please.

I'll get my dog myself.
He's right, general.

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

The last time
that dog was at NASA,

he terrorized the whole base.

You mean to say
you're all afraid

of a little puppy dog?

Huh, huh.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Well, in that case,

I'm asking for volunteers.

It's Tony's dog.

That's right.

And it was Major Nelson
who brought him to NASA

in the first place.

Thanks, Roge.

[DOGS GROWLING]

Your funeral.

[TONY SCREAMING,
DOGS SNARLING]

[GROWLING]

[WHIMPERING]

I gotta get ahold of Jeannie.

Master.
Huh? Oh.

Hello.
Shh-shh.

[WHISPERING]
Dr. Bellows is out there.

Oh, it is all right, master.
I am here.

Yeah.
[DJINN-DJINN BARKS]

Oh, is that not darling?

He certainly has them
organized, doesn't he?

Djinn-Djinn. Ooh.
Djinn-Djinn.

Oh, look, master,
he wants to play.

Now he wants to play.

Oh, well, I think it
best if we humor him.

[YELPS]

I'll go over...
I'll go over and get him.

I'll herd him around
this way and you grab him.

Yes, master.

Hey, Djinn-Djinn. Djinn-Djinn.
Ha, ha, ha.

Djinn-Djinn.

Come on, Djinn-Djinn.

[WHIMPERS]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, ha. There you are.

Jeannie, would you get the lock?
Would you get the lock?

Yes, master.

Thank you.

[GROWLING] Here, boy.

Excuse me, Jupiter.
Excuse me.

[DJINN-DJINN BARKING]

I'm going in.
Oh, general, uh, sir.

Sir, I think you better
take off your jacket.

Why?

Djinn-Djinn.
He attacks uniforms.

Yeah.

Oh, all right.

[♪]

Sir... Uh, sir, your...
Your hat.

[ALL BARKING]

The park is two blocks down,
one to the right.

Jeannie. Jeannie.

[WHISTLES]

Jeannie.
Jeannie, say something.

Djinn-Djinn.

You are a naughty little dog...
[WHIMPERS]

But I love you. Heh.

It is all right, master.
We are going home.

Wait! Wait!
The cage! Wait!

I tell you, I need help.

They're gone,
every last one of 'em.

It's a full-scale
jail break,

organized by
a little brown mixed-breed.

General Schaeffer,
are you all right?

I think so.
You shouldn't have opened...

You shouldn't have
opened that door, sir.

It was like the charge
of the light brigade.

[GROWLING]

SCHAEFFER:
Jupiter.

Jupiter. Oh, Jupiter.

Major Nelson, I don't know
what kind of a medal

I can recommend you for,
but you certainly deserve one

for what you did.

Could you just
let me out of here, sir?

Oh, yes, yes, of course, major.

Oh, I'll get a key for the lock.

We'll have you out in a second.
Heel, Jupiter, heel.

Attaboy.

What happened to Djinn-Djinn?

Djinn-Djinn
is at home with Jeannie.

[LAUGHS] Boy, are we lucky.

If he was here right now,
he'd tear you to shreds.

Agh!
[GROWLING]

Take the coat off.
Take your coat off. Take it off.

Djinn-Djinn,
go home.

He obeyed. Hey, it's okay.
He obeyed.

Yeah, it's okay. Oh, yes.

Uh, you've got the key?
Oh, right here.

[FABRIC TEARING]
[DJINN-DJINN BARKING]

He's back, he's back! Help!
Help! Help! Help!

Ow!

Maybe you weren't
firm enough with him.

[SCOFFS]

Help!

[♪]

[♪]