How I Met Your Mother (2005–2014): Season 9, Episode 23 - Last Forever: Part One - full transcript
After Barney and Robin's wedding, Ted builds up the courage to approach "the mother" at the train station. Meanwhile, three years after the wedding, Barney and Robin drop a bombshell on the group.
- So?
- No.
No. You were in.
I said, "Have you met Ted" and everything.
Ripped By mstoll
- How could that not work?
- I don't know. We introduced ourselves.
- I bought her a drink, told her I loved her...
- What?
- Kidding.
- Hold on, Roxanne.
- Lf that really is your name.
- It's not. It's Robin.
You played "Have You Met Ted"
without me?
In my bar? With my Ted?
Maybe stealing a bro's wingman
is okay back in...
Sorry, what's the name of this third-world
banana republic you claim to be from?
Canada.
I've literally never heard of that place.
- When did you move here, anyway?
- Two months ago.
- How do you like it?
- It's been a little tough.
I moved here for this on-air reporterjob
at Metro News One...
...thinking it was my big break...
...only to find out
that our viewership mostly consists...
...of DMVwaiting rooms and people
plugging in their TVfor the first time. Heh.
To top it all off, I have no friends.
Um, wrong. You have four friends right here.
- Right, guys?
- Uh, yeah. You're totally in our gang now.
- And once you're in, you're in for life, right?
- She's in.
- All right.
- She's in.
- Welcome.
TED: Oh, yeah.
- Well, if I'm in, I should get the next round.
ALL: Oh!
- I like this girl.
TED: All right.
I'm serious, I like this girl.
And we need some estrogen up
in this bitch.
All we ever talk about is
Scotch and sports.
Five Glen McKennas, 21 years neat.
And switch to the hockey game 'cause
my Canucks are going to bury the Bruins, yo.
So here's the deal with the deal:
Robin's my new best friend.
Nobody bangs her.
Hey, hey, she only rejected me three times.
She's still very much in play.
I'm serious.
There's only one way I'd let either of you
have sex with her.
[GASPS]
Not that. It's never that.
I really want this girl
to stay a part of our lives...
...so the only way you're allowed
to hook up with her...
...is if you marry her.
Too rich for my blood.
TED:
The son of a bitch did it.
- He really did.
- Heh.
So you're moving to Chicago
tomorrow, huh? How do you feel?
I'm looking forward to it.
The job's amazing.
I got a great apartment lined up.
You know, it's exciting.
Onwards and upwa...
[PLAYING SLOW ROCK MUSIC]
BARNEY:
Hey! Bass player.
It's me. The guy from the drugstore
with the diapers who hit on you.
We went outside, had a deep,
emotional talk on a bus bench.
I, uh... I'm gonna be really surprised
if I have to be more specific than that.
Remember when you told me
to stop messing around and go get the girl?
Well, check it, I got her.
[CHUCKLES]
What about you?
You still dating that guy?
Grape Scotch!
Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted.
- Right here. Right here.
- Yeah, I see you Barney.
Good, it's time to play
a little game I call "Ha..."
- Barney...
- No. No.
You are not getting out
of "Have You Met Ted."
There's a girl you have to meet.
She is perfect.
And has she met you?
No, she has not.
- Think of all the sex you're gonna have.
- Barney.
I have to go.
What, now?
Yeah.
You...
We have to do this outside.
Robin.
It's been a major pleasure.
- Major Pleasure.
- Major Pleasure.
Come here.
- Congratulations.
ROBIN: Thank you.
Oh, God, no. This is too real.
I can't handle this. Marshall's next.
Marshall?
Good luck out there in Chicago.
I'm gonna be kind ofjealous of you, getting
to have Gazzola's Pizza whenever you want.
- You're gonna be in Rome.
- Yeah, I guess.
[SOBS]
I just... I feel like a hug isn't enough.
E.T. Goodbye?
[MIMICS E.T.]
I'll be right here.
Okay. It helped that
that was really creepy.
- I don't want to see you for a while.
- Ha, ha.
Barney.
Mm.
We licked the Liberty Bell.
We did?
Yeah. You don't remember that?
Uh, I've done a lot of cool stuff, Ted.
Oh, my God.
I just realized.
Who am I gonna high-five now?
- Heh, come on, dude.
- No, I'm being serious.
What if I see a pack of lions
fighting a Tyrannosaurus?
Or, better yet, what if I see boobs?
Who am I gonna high-five then?
- You can high-five Marshall.
- Yeah.
But Marshall only likes
to high-five about Lily boobs.
Oh, always.
Okay, Barney, I have an idea.
One last high-five.
A high-five to echo throughout eternity.
Yes.
And within that high-five will be all
the high-fives we've ever high-fived.
And all the high-fives
we could ever possibly high-five.
- A high-infinity.
- A high-infinity. Exactly.
Let's do this.
All right, everybody, back up.
MARSHALL:
Oh, boy.
"See you on the other side, Ray."
"Nice working with you, Dr. Venkman."
[BOTH YELLING]
[BOTH GROANING]
- Worth it.
- So worth it.
So I rushed out to make the train...
...which is now 45 minutes late.
This lady with the bass guitar,
was she pretty?
Yeah, she was beautiful.
- Go back and meet her.
- Heh, no.
But what if it was destiny?
Lady, it's been a really long weekend.
I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow.
I can't really talk destiny right now.
[SIGHS]
Okay.
Yes?
What if the universe
sent you a gigantic sign...
...that this woman was your destiny?
Then would you talk to her?
Yeah, sure.
I mean, I guess I would have to.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Where is that train?
Can I ask one more question?
What?
This girl with the bass guitar...
...is that her?
That is her, isn't it?
Oh, whoo, this is so exciting!
- Go talk to her.
- All right, just be cool, lady! Damn!
Why are you still sitting here?
Because I'm moving
to Chicago tomorrow, remember?
Twenty-four hours from now,
my life is gonna be completely different.
It's just so strange, you know?
Now that Ted's gone...
...there's just a different vibe.
You can just feel his absence.
Are you kidding me?
- Oh, hey.
- Ted, what are you doing here?
Having a drink.
What are you doing in New York?
Aren't you supposed to be in Chicago?
Uh... Oh, yeah, I'm not doing that.
- What?
- What?
- I'm not moving to Chicago.
- Why?
I met a girl.
- You son of a bitch.
- What is the matter with you?
How could you put us through that?
That goodbye was emotionally devastating.
A certain delicate flower
cried all night in the shower.
And I was pretty bummed too.
And now you're staying
because of some girl?
- I mean, who is this person?
- The bass player from the wedding band.
- Oh, yeah, she's great.
- Love her.
Right? Right?
What are...? What are you doing?
- Calling her.
- Don't do this.
Don't call her the next day.
You're blowing this. Three days.
You wait three days, Ted.
Oh, the three-day rule is
a childish manipulative mind game.
But yeah. You wait three days.
Hey, it's Ted.
Hi. Um, listen, do you want
to have dinner tomorrow night?
Great.
It was clear I meant with me, right?
Same answer. Solid.
MARSHALL:
Why does he keep doing this?
He meets them,
he likes them way too much...
...he goes way too big too soon,
he ends up blowing it.
I can't take this anymore.
He's fallen in love so many times now.
Not like this.
This is different.
Come on, go talk to her.
Oh, and it'll all be because of me
and I'll sing at your wedding. Ha, ha.
- You are gonna have a big wedding, right?
- What? No, just be cool, lady! Damn!
Ugh. Aren't big weddings
a young man's game?
You don't have a big wedding
in your thirties.
If I do ever get married,
I'm keeping it simple.
BARNEY: A hot air balloon?
- Well, yeah.
When you're getting married
in a 17th-century castle in France...
...and making your entrance with six
white horses, you gotta make a big exit. Heh.
How much are you spending on this?
Oh, like, a lot of money.
All of my money.
Look, I know you've been traveling a lot,
but you're coming, right?
- Of course.
- Duh.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
- I'll get the next round.
- Thanks.
- I'd offer, but castle.
- Yeah.
So how are you guys doing?
Robin's really taking off at work, huh?
It's like, "Robin Scherbatsky,
World Wide News, Caracas."
Or "Robin Scherbatsky,
World Wide News, St. Petersburg."
"Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News,
anywhere but New York," apparently. Heh.
But it's great. It makes things
super difficult for us, but it's great.
It's great.
- It's great. It's great.
- One more and I'll believe you.
- It's great. Heh.
- Sounds great.
- Hey.
- Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.
- Can I talk to you?
- Sure.
Did you wire the down payment
to the castle guy? I got a castle guy.
I've got like three castle guys.
And a moat guy, so...
- Okay.
- I didn't wire the payment...
...because I don't think
we can get married in September.
- What? What? Why?
- Because when I do get married...
...I kind of want to fit in my dress.
Why wouldn't you f...?
- No.
- Yeah.
- No.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
[TED LAUGHS]
What's going on?
She's getting a boob job.
I just peeked in on Penny asleep
in the baby room. It's adorable.
The whole place looks great, guys.
But I can't believe you let Ted
hang his jousting lance...
...from the Renaissance Faire
on your bedroom wall.
Yeah.
That's Ted's.
- So, Marshall, how's yourjob going?
- My chair is reasonably comfortable...
...for short periods of time.
Marshall has decided to say
only positive things...
...about being back in corporate law.
- So you hate it?
Much of what I do
does not make me cry.
But the job's only temporary.
Marshall was offered the judgeship once,
and he turned it down for me.
So karmically, that phone has
to ring again.
And even if it doesn't, today when my boss
threw his egg salad sandwich at my face...
...some of it got into my mouth,
and it was tasty.
Hey, what about you guys?
How was Argentina?
Great. It was great.
- It was great.
- It was great.
- It was great.
- It was great. It was great.
One more and I'll believe you.
This is so not great!
I'm sorry that I have to work while I'm here.
It's called being on assignment.
Well, what about me?
There's no Wi-Fi in this hotel.
How am I supposed to run a business,
Robin, with no Wi-Fi?
It's not a business, Barney, it's a blog.
It is a lifestyle blog for the upscale,
sophisticated urban gentleman.
And it's never gonna take off
if I can't post today's bonerjoke.
I know I'm always traveling.
We both hate it when I'm gone.
We both hate it when I drag you with me.
Neither of us is happy.
Is this just not working anymore?
Wait, what "this?" "This" this?
If I gave you an out right now...
...if there was an exit ramp right here
at the three-year mark...
...would you take it?
Before I answer that,
wanna get drunk and have sex right now?
Of course.
And then one thing led to another.
And then another.
And then another after that. Oh.
And we kept drinking,
and may have had a little too much.
[IN SPANISH]
[BARNEY SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Wow, these rooms all look the same
even when you're sober.
You're sober?
So, um...
...about what we discussed last night...
How do you feel?
I love you, Robin.
And when we got married, I made a vow
that I would always tell you the truth.
We got divorced.
I can't believe you got divorced
without telling us.
This is my mom and dad all over again.
Barney, if you start brewing
your own beer now...
...and nail my prom date, so help me...
- Years too late on one of those.
Guys, it's okay.
This isn't a failed marriage.
It's a successful marriage
that happened to only last three years.
You both want this? For real?
We do.
For real.
Lily, you okay?
Of course I'm not okay.
This ruins everything.
Now we have to choose sides.
And obviously we're gonna choose Robin,
but Barney has his moments.
I really like the bonerjoke of the day.
- You guys do not need to pick sides.
- Nothing has to change.
We've already broken up before
and we've stayed friends, remember?
As long as you promise me
this won't mean we stop hanging out.
- Okay.
- I'm serious.
I know, but I mean,
we hardly hang out anymore anyway.
They live in the suburbs now, and you two
are about to have baby number three.
Please, you're so obvious.
Your gals are back up to a full C-cup...
...and you've been sipping her drink
all night long.
We didn't wanna announce anything
till we knew for sure.
- Oh my gosh, Lily! That's amazing!
TED: Congratulations!
ROBIN: Ha, ha. Oh, my God!
- See, this, right here.
This is why we can't fall out
of each other's lives.
We have to be here for the big moments.
Just promise me, no matter what, we will
always be there for the big moments.
I promise we'll always be there
for the big moments.
See? It's like this whole divorce thing
never happened.
[LILY WHIMPERING]
BARNEY:
L...
- Hey.
- Sweetie, how was work?
My boss only called me three words
that meant vagina today, so...
- How are the kids?
- Asleep.
Good. This is working, right?
Marvin and Daisy sharing a room together?
It's not too cramped?
And then when the next one arrives,
we'll just put her crib in the shower.
It's the perfect size.
It'll save time on clean-ups.
- Let's move somewhere bigger.
- Yes. Oh, thank God.
I mean, you know, don't get me wrong.
I love this apartment. How do you say
goodbye to so many special memories?
- Cockamouse!
- We have to move!
[CHATTERING]
- Hey, Marshall.
- Robin.
Hey, I'm so glad you're here.
It's been forever.
Hey. Where's your costume?
Oh, uh, it's been a crazy week at work,
so no time to go shopping.
- Oh, uh, who are you supposed to be?
- I want to make it clear, this is not my idea.
I'm Captain Ahab.
- Why is it bad if it was your idea?
- Robin, you made it.
A white whale. Got it.
- Oh, hi.
- Heh, hi.
Yeah, I figured, people are thinking it,
might as well steer into the skid, right?
- Where's your costume?
- Oh, I've just been so busy...
Oh, my God!
Marshall, guess whose digits I just scored?
The slutty police officer's...
...tax attorney.
- Hey, Robin.
ROBIN: Hey.
Didn't see you there. Ha, ha.
Saved it.
Sorry, I gotta pee. I'll be back in an hour.
Oh, man. Is Ted still wearing
his hanging chad costume?
How old is that thing?
It's gone from played-out to charmingly
retro and back six or seven times now.
Kind of like Ted himself.
Tonight it's working for him though.
ROBIN:
How do you do this, Ted?
How do you sit out here all night
on the roof, in the cold...
...and still have faith your pumpkin's
gonna show up?
Look, I know that, odds are,
the love of my life...
...isn't gonna magically walk through
that door in a pumpkin costume...
...at 2:43 in the morning...
...but this seems as nice a spot as any
to just, you know, sit and wait.
Um...
Can you tell Lily I had to go?
I gotta split.
Speaking of splits, do you think I can do
a split in mid-air like David Lee Roth?
- I know you can't.
- Challenge accepted.
BARNEY:
Oh! My scrotum!
[SIGHS]
I can't get out of this thing. I'm holding it.
Wait, are you leaving?
Yeah, I got a big day tomorrow.
Gotta get some sleep.
No, you can't leave.
This is a big moment.
We're saying goodbye to the apartment.
The whole gang has to be here.
The gang?
Do you know who the gang is to me,
Lily?
Here's what the gang is.
The gang is a married couple,
who I never see anymore...
...about to have their third kid.
It's my ex-husband hitting
on slutty cops right in front of me.
And it's the guy I probably
should have ended up with...
...with the beautiful mother of his child.
Who in their right mind would call
that group of people "the gang"?
Oh.
Oh, so? So, what?
This is all just over then?
Our whole friendship is just over?
No. No, of course not. We'Il...
We'll always be friends. It's just...
...never gonna be how it was.
It can't be.
And that doesn't have to be a sad thing.
There's so much wonderful stuff happening
in all of our lives right now.
More than enough to be grateful for.
But the five of us hanging out
at MacLaren's...
...being young and stupid...
...it's just not one of those things.
That part's over.
I gotta go.
Good night, Lily.
Good night.
[SIGHS]
LILY: Marshall's almost here.
- Yes! Look at us, hanging out again.
This is amazing!
This is awesome! This is...!
[SCREAMS]
Okay, heh, settle down, buddy.
No. Settling down is for losers
with kids who never go out anymore.
I am in charge tonight, and the earliest
I am allowing anyone to go home is...
...2 a.m.
- 10 p.m.
- 9:45.
- 3 a.m.
Guys, tonight is gonna be legen...
Wait for it.
- Lf I leave now, I can put the kids to bed.
- I'll get the check.
- Dary. Legendary!
Guys, the gang is back! We're back!
[YELLS]
All of us except for Robin.
We never see her anymore.
In addition to you guys
not going home before 4 a. M...
Yes, it's up to 4 now.
- New rule, any time anyone
talks about something sad...
...we stay out an extra hour.
We said we'd be there
for the big moments.
- 5 a.m.
- To be fair, tonight's just us...
...hanging out till 10 p.m. Tops,
it's not a big moment.
- Um, yes, it is.
- Um, no, it's not.
- Um, yes, it is.
- Um, no, it's not.
Um, yes, it is.
I got a phone call today.
Ajudge in Queens is retiring...
...so I'm gonna be ajudge.
BARNEY: You are?
TED: Yes! Yes!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Judge Eriksen!
[ALL CHUCKLE]
I told you the phone would ring.
You deserve this.
- Thanks, Lily.
- I love you, Marshmallow.
Ugh, 1:45 a.m.
Well, you were right, Barney.
This night was, in fact, legendary, but...
I know what you're gonna say and I agree.
We're going to Vegas!
I will be awakened by screaming children
in less than...
...four and a half hours.
BARNEY: You're staying.
- I'm going.
- Judge Fudge, your very first ruling?
- He stays.
- Ha! Hey!
See? Tonight is about celebrating
our enduring bond as friends.
Nay, family, because that's what we are,
Ted, we are fam...
- Okay, fun night, guys. Keep in touch.
- Damn it, Barney.
[BARNEY YELLS]
Crushing windpipe.
You're lucky that's the only pipe
I'm crushing.
That woman is half your age.
Haven't you changed even a little?
No. I haven't.
Look, I know there was a time...
...when it seemed like I was capable
of going the distance...
...but if it wasn't gonna happen
with Robin...
...then it's just not
gonna happen with anyone.
I'm never gonna be
a guy who meets a girl...
...and from the first time I see her,
I'm just like:
You are the love of my life.
Everything I have and everything I am
is yours forever.
- Really?
- No, I'm just making a point. Move it along.
That's not me.
I'm the guy who straightens his tie,
says something dirty...
...high-fives himself and then goes
and talks to that girl over there.
That's me.
Can I please just be me?
Judge Fudge?
I'll allow it.
Then I'll a-plow it.
Self-five. Stinson out.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
[ALL CHEERING AND YELLING]
So are you guys ever gonna tie the knot,
or are you just comfortable living in sin?
- Someone's gotten a bit judge-y.
- Oh!
- Sustained.
- Yeah.
We'll get around to it.
It's just, you know,
with life and jobs and kids...
Plus this one's still insisting
on getting married in a French castle.
I'd get married tomorrow in a White Castle,
but this guy needs more "wow factor."
You're all the wow factor I need.
Aw, ugh!
Glad someone can be happy
on the day of a tragedy.
Barney, you know this is all fake, right?
That robot's not really dead.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
I'm not talking about the robot, Lily.
Everyone, stop having fun!
I'm about to tell a sad story!
Guys, remember back in 2010
when I achieved a perfect week?
Seven girls in seven nights, sure.
Well, recently I decided to attempt
a perfect month.
I put together a brand-new playbook.
No, I can't hear this.
This is just too sad.
- But I haven't gotten to the sad part yet.
- You're in your 40s. You have a playbook.
That's the sad part.
Lily, just... Okay?
So I put together a brand-new playbook,
filled with plays I'd never tried before.
Like "The Mannequin"...
... where, as in the '80s classic...
... I magically come to life,
if you know what I mean.
"The Jim Nacho," where I wait
till a girl mentions something she likes.
- God, I love nachos.
- Thank you.
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Jim.
Jim Nacho. Inventor of the nacho.
So did you get a perfect month?
Yes.
Then why are you so upset?
That last girl, number 31?
Oh, that's a pretty name.
What is that, French?
She's pregnant.
Wait, you're messing with us.
You didn't really get a girl pregnant.
It's real. She's pregnant.
Kind of puts an asterisk on the whole
"perfect month" thing, huh?
Barney? Are you okay?
Ah! Jim Nantz! Thank goodness.
You're always here for me
in times of trouble. What should I do?
You're on your own this time, bro.
Congratulations, Poppa.
Stop it. This is a disaster.
- Why?
- Why? Because I'm too old.
I was about to enter my golden years.
My Clooney years.
My "daddy issues" years, where I don't just
remind messed-up girls of their dads...
...because I'm emotionally distant.
I freaking look like their dads.
That's the dream.
My life is over.
So where are you guys registered?
TED: Another fun fact about
the Goliath National Bank building?
The sleek but historical facade has been
described by Architecture Vision Monthly...
...as "modern classicism."
- I can see that.
TED: Mm-hm.
- Any questions from the group?
ROBIN: I have a question.
What happened to the building
that used to be here? It was way nicer.
- Robin. Oh, my God.
- Ha, ha.
What are you doing here?
I thought you were in...
Greece, Morocco, Moscow?
Yeah, World Wide News
keeps me pretty busy. Heh.
And pretty famous.
I mean, you're everywhere.
I am not everywhere.
Okay, I'm some places.
Hey, Penny. Oh, my gosh,
I haven't seen you in forever.
- I like you, Bus Lady.
- Aw.
I like you too.
Never call me that again.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
And that was it.
Wow.
A genuine Scherbatsky sighting,
out in nature.
At this point,
that's like seeing Sasquatch.
No, Sasquatch is a warm
and affectionate creature.
At this point, Robin's more like the Yeti,
cold and aloof.
Hey, Ted, ask me
if the Abominable Snowman called.
- Has the Abominable Snowman called?
- Not yeti.
Here we are again.
Another big moment for us
and Robin's missing it.
MARSHALL:
I know, baby.
I mean, the birth
of her ex-husband's love child...
...is a bit of a stretch,
but I know, baby.
Well?
It was crazy in there...
...but I threw up and now I feel better.
- Where were you?
- In the can.
I knew I was gonna urp,
so I put this on over my suit.
- Thirty-One won't let me in the room.
- We're gonna need a name eventually.
- Mr. Stinson?
- Yes?
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations because...
...the blood tests came back
and I'm not the father!
Happy Not A Father's Day!
No. Congratulations, it's a girl.
Would you like to meet her?
- No, I'm good.
LILY: Oh, just go say hi to your daughter.
This is Ellie.
I'll give you guys a minute.
You are the love of my life.
[SOBS]
Everything I have...
...and everything I am...
...is yours.
Forever.
- What? Do I have stuff in my teeth?
- Give me your engagement ring back.
Just because I have stuff in my teeth?
We can work through this.
- Just give it back. Heh.
- Heh.
[TED CLEARS THROAT]
Five years is past
the statute of limitations on proposals.
If you don't get married in that time,
you have to re-propose.
- Will you...?
- Yes. Yes, you silly man...
- Let me finish. Will you...?
- Yes. Sorry.
- Yes.
- Will you...?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Will you marry me on Thursday?
I called your office,
you got nothing on Thursday.
- Will you marry me on Thursday?
- Yes. Heh.
Aw. Same ring.
I can't believe it.
It's Ted Mosby's wedding day.
Yes. After only seven years and two kids.
Guys, am I rushing into this? Whoa.
Oh, buddy, are you okay?
So tired.
- Baby no sleepy, Barney dying.
LILY: Ha, ha.
- Well, we're staying out till 3 a.m. Tonight.
- 9:45!
Seriously though,
I am so proud of you.
Now that you're a dad,
it's like you're a totally different pers...
- Whoa.
- And we're back.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Wannajoin us for shots?
Shots? Before lunch on a Thursday?
It's like you're trying
to make bad decisions.
You young ladies need to go home,
put on some decent clothes...
...and take a good, hard look
at your lives.
Get.
Call your parents.
They're probably worried sick.
I have officially seen everything.
Not everything.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I know I've missed a couple lately...
...but we said we'd always be there
for the big moments. Heh.
Aw, crap, mascara running.
Nobody let her out of your sight.
Hi, Daddy. Heh.
Whoa. Look, I'm really happy to see you,
but I don't think of you that way.
No, dummy, you had a kid. Congrats.
- Right, yeah, thanks. A kid. I'm tired.
- Oh, heh.
- But, uh, she's awesome.
- Yeah?
Yeah. Daddy's home.
ROBIN:
Mm.
- Judge Fudge. Heh.
- Hey. Heh.
Actually, um, a little announcement.
I'm gonna be running
for State Supreme Court. Yeah.
So if everything goes well,
in a couple months...
...you won't be calling me
Judge Fudge anymore.
You'll be calling me Fudge Supreme.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
[ROBIN SIGHS]
The man of the hour.
- Heh, you RSVP'd no.
- I did.
But someone pretty persuasive
talked me into it.
Sorry. I know it's bad luck
to see the bride in her dress.
Worth it.
But I couldn't miss this.
I wanna get a picture. Get in.
I wanna take a picture of you guys.
Get together. Heh.
- Okay, ready? All right, get in.
TED: All right.
One, two, three.
Okay.
- Hey. Hey, you kids.
- Yeah, you didn't sound 1000 there.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Do you have any idea what happened
right here in this very bar?
No. What happened?
[CHUCKLES]
Just...
...all kinds of stuff.
- A toast.
ROBIN: Mm-hm.
Okay, first off, to everyone at this table.
- I love you guys so much, I can't even...
- Move to the second part.
- Secondly, to Ted...
- Don't say it.
ALL: Evelyn Mosby.
- Thank you for that.
A man with more emotional endurance
than anyone I know.
It was a long, difficult road.
Thank God we finally got here.
- Here, here.
ALL: Here, here.
TED: Aunt Lily wasn't wrong.
It was, at times, a long, difficult road.
[EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL'S
"DOWNTOWN TRAIN" PLAYING]
But I'm glad it was long and difficult...
... because if I hadn't gone through hell
to get there...
... the lesson might not have been as clear.
You see, kids, right from the moment
I met your mom, I knew:
I have to love this woman
as much as I can...
... for as long as I can,
and I can never stop loving her...
... not even for a second.
I carried that lesson with me
through every stupid fight we ever had.
Every 5 a.m. Christmas morning,
every sleepy Sunday afternoon.
Through every speed bump,
every pang of jealousy or boredom...
... or uncertainty that came our way,
I carried that lesson with me.
And I carried it with me
when she got sick.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Even then, in what can only be called
the worst of times...
... all I could do was thank God.
Thank every God there is
or ever was or will be...
... and the whole universe,
and anyone else I could possibly thank...
Will I see you tonight
TED: ... that I saw that beautiful girl
on that train platform...
... and that I had the guts to stand up,
walk over to her...
... tap her on the shoulder,
open my mouth and speak.
- Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm...
- The best man. Get in here.
- Oh, thanks. Here, let me.
- Uh... Oh, okay. Thank you.
- Great show tonight.
- Oh, thank you. Heh.
- You're Cindy's ex-roommate, right?
- Yeah. And you are the professor.
- I took one of your classes.
- Really? Which one?
- Econ 305.
- Econ 305? I don't teach...
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.
I'm gonnajump onto the tracks now.
No, no, no, don't. You were great.
You were great.
Wait a second.
This is my umbrella.
I left this umbrella at Cindy's.
You totally stole my umbrella.
What? No I didn't.
This is my umbrella, I bought this.
Excuse me, it even has
my initials on it right here.
T.M. Ted Mosby.
Yeah, look again, Ted Mosby.
Those are my initials.
T.M. Tracy McConnell.
Um, no, Tracy McConnell,
it's T.M., totally my umbrella.
Uh, you're T.M., terribly mistaken...
...because this umbrella
has always belonged T.M., to me.
[CHUCKLES]
Although I did lose it
for a few years there. Um...
- So I went to this dance club...
- On St. Patrick's Day.
On St. Patrick's Day.
And you left it there.
And I left it there.
- You never thought you'd see it again.
- And I never thought I'd see it again.
Funny how sometimes you just
find things.
- Hi.
- Hi. Ha, ha.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Every night it's just the same
All upon a downtown train
And that, kids, is how I met your mother.
That's it?
That's it.
No, I don't buy it. That is not the reason
you made us listen to this.
Oh, really? And what's the reason?
Let's look at the facts here.
You made us sit down and listen
to this story about how you met Mom.
Yet Mom's hardly in the story. No.
This is a story about how you're totally
in love with Aunt Robin.
You're thinking about asking her out
and want to know if we're okay.
I can't believe this.
I kept this story short and to the point,
and you guys still missed it.
- The point of the story...
- Is that you totally, totally, totally...
...have the hots for Aunt Robin.
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
- You're grounded.
- Wow. You are really into Aunt Robin.
- You're grounded too.
- Heh.
Okay, suppose I were interested
in Aunt Robin in that way...
...it's not like I'd do anything about it.
I got you guys to think about.
We love Aunt Robin.
Whenever she comes over for dinner,
you guys are so obvious.
Come on, Dad.
Mom's been gone for six years now.
It's time.
What, I just call her up on the phone
and ask her out on a date?
- Yes.
- Yes.
That's something
you guys would want?
- Yes!
- Yes!
All right, I'll give her a call.
- Do it.
- I am.
- Call her.
- I'm calling her.
- Great.
- Here I go.
Or...
[THE WALKMEN'S "HEAVEN" PLAYING]
All right, home sweet home.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
Wait one second. Okay.
Stay.
Ah. We'll work on that.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
Television, display front door security.
Television, disp...
Oh, for Pete's sakes.
May come and go
Our crooked dreams will always flow
Remember, remember
All we fight for
Remember, remember
All we fight for
Remember, remember
All we fight for
Ripped By mstoll
- No.
No. You were in.
I said, "Have you met Ted" and everything.
Ripped By mstoll
- How could that not work?
- I don't know. We introduced ourselves.
- I bought her a drink, told her I loved her...
- What?
- Kidding.
- Hold on, Roxanne.
- Lf that really is your name.
- It's not. It's Robin.
You played "Have You Met Ted"
without me?
In my bar? With my Ted?
Maybe stealing a bro's wingman
is okay back in...
Sorry, what's the name of this third-world
banana republic you claim to be from?
Canada.
I've literally never heard of that place.
- When did you move here, anyway?
- Two months ago.
- How do you like it?
- It's been a little tough.
I moved here for this on-air reporterjob
at Metro News One...
...thinking it was my big break...
...only to find out
that our viewership mostly consists...
...of DMVwaiting rooms and people
plugging in their TVfor the first time. Heh.
To top it all off, I have no friends.
Um, wrong. You have four friends right here.
- Right, guys?
- Uh, yeah. You're totally in our gang now.
- And once you're in, you're in for life, right?
- She's in.
- All right.
- She's in.
- Welcome.
TED: Oh, yeah.
- Well, if I'm in, I should get the next round.
ALL: Oh!
- I like this girl.
TED: All right.
I'm serious, I like this girl.
And we need some estrogen up
in this bitch.
All we ever talk about is
Scotch and sports.
Five Glen McKennas, 21 years neat.
And switch to the hockey game 'cause
my Canucks are going to bury the Bruins, yo.
So here's the deal with the deal:
Robin's my new best friend.
Nobody bangs her.
Hey, hey, she only rejected me three times.
She's still very much in play.
I'm serious.
There's only one way I'd let either of you
have sex with her.
[GASPS]
Not that. It's never that.
I really want this girl
to stay a part of our lives...
...so the only way you're allowed
to hook up with her...
...is if you marry her.
Too rich for my blood.
TED:
The son of a bitch did it.
- He really did.
- Heh.
So you're moving to Chicago
tomorrow, huh? How do you feel?
I'm looking forward to it.
The job's amazing.
I got a great apartment lined up.
You know, it's exciting.
Onwards and upwa...
[PLAYING SLOW ROCK MUSIC]
BARNEY:
Hey! Bass player.
It's me. The guy from the drugstore
with the diapers who hit on you.
We went outside, had a deep,
emotional talk on a bus bench.
I, uh... I'm gonna be really surprised
if I have to be more specific than that.
Remember when you told me
to stop messing around and go get the girl?
Well, check it, I got her.
[CHUCKLES]
What about you?
You still dating that guy?
Grape Scotch!
Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted.
- Right here. Right here.
- Yeah, I see you Barney.
Good, it's time to play
a little game I call "Ha..."
- Barney...
- No. No.
You are not getting out
of "Have You Met Ted."
There's a girl you have to meet.
She is perfect.
And has she met you?
No, she has not.
- Think of all the sex you're gonna have.
- Barney.
I have to go.
What, now?
Yeah.
You...
We have to do this outside.
Robin.
It's been a major pleasure.
- Major Pleasure.
- Major Pleasure.
Come here.
- Congratulations.
ROBIN: Thank you.
Oh, God, no. This is too real.
I can't handle this. Marshall's next.
Marshall?
Good luck out there in Chicago.
I'm gonna be kind ofjealous of you, getting
to have Gazzola's Pizza whenever you want.
- You're gonna be in Rome.
- Yeah, I guess.
[SOBS]
I just... I feel like a hug isn't enough.
E.T. Goodbye?
[MIMICS E.T.]
I'll be right here.
Okay. It helped that
that was really creepy.
- I don't want to see you for a while.
- Ha, ha.
Barney.
Mm.
We licked the Liberty Bell.
We did?
Yeah. You don't remember that?
Uh, I've done a lot of cool stuff, Ted.
Oh, my God.
I just realized.
Who am I gonna high-five now?
- Heh, come on, dude.
- No, I'm being serious.
What if I see a pack of lions
fighting a Tyrannosaurus?
Or, better yet, what if I see boobs?
Who am I gonna high-five then?
- You can high-five Marshall.
- Yeah.
But Marshall only likes
to high-five about Lily boobs.
Oh, always.
Okay, Barney, I have an idea.
One last high-five.
A high-five to echo throughout eternity.
Yes.
And within that high-five will be all
the high-fives we've ever high-fived.
And all the high-fives
we could ever possibly high-five.
- A high-infinity.
- A high-infinity. Exactly.
Let's do this.
All right, everybody, back up.
MARSHALL:
Oh, boy.
"See you on the other side, Ray."
"Nice working with you, Dr. Venkman."
[BOTH YELLING]
[BOTH GROANING]
- Worth it.
- So worth it.
So I rushed out to make the train...
...which is now 45 minutes late.
This lady with the bass guitar,
was she pretty?
Yeah, she was beautiful.
- Go back and meet her.
- Heh, no.
But what if it was destiny?
Lady, it's been a really long weekend.
I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow.
I can't really talk destiny right now.
[SIGHS]
Okay.
Yes?
What if the universe
sent you a gigantic sign...
...that this woman was your destiny?
Then would you talk to her?
Yeah, sure.
I mean, I guess I would have to.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Where is that train?
Can I ask one more question?
What?
This girl with the bass guitar...
...is that her?
That is her, isn't it?
Oh, whoo, this is so exciting!
- Go talk to her.
- All right, just be cool, lady! Damn!
Why are you still sitting here?
Because I'm moving
to Chicago tomorrow, remember?
Twenty-four hours from now,
my life is gonna be completely different.
It's just so strange, you know?
Now that Ted's gone...
...there's just a different vibe.
You can just feel his absence.
Are you kidding me?
- Oh, hey.
- Ted, what are you doing here?
Having a drink.
What are you doing in New York?
Aren't you supposed to be in Chicago?
Uh... Oh, yeah, I'm not doing that.
- What?
- What?
- I'm not moving to Chicago.
- Why?
I met a girl.
- You son of a bitch.
- What is the matter with you?
How could you put us through that?
That goodbye was emotionally devastating.
A certain delicate flower
cried all night in the shower.
And I was pretty bummed too.
And now you're staying
because of some girl?
- I mean, who is this person?
- The bass player from the wedding band.
- Oh, yeah, she's great.
- Love her.
Right? Right?
What are...? What are you doing?
- Calling her.
- Don't do this.
Don't call her the next day.
You're blowing this. Three days.
You wait three days, Ted.
Oh, the three-day rule is
a childish manipulative mind game.
But yeah. You wait three days.
Hey, it's Ted.
Hi. Um, listen, do you want
to have dinner tomorrow night?
Great.
It was clear I meant with me, right?
Same answer. Solid.
MARSHALL:
Why does he keep doing this?
He meets them,
he likes them way too much...
...he goes way too big too soon,
he ends up blowing it.
I can't take this anymore.
He's fallen in love so many times now.
Not like this.
This is different.
Come on, go talk to her.
Oh, and it'll all be because of me
and I'll sing at your wedding. Ha, ha.
- You are gonna have a big wedding, right?
- What? No, just be cool, lady! Damn!
Ugh. Aren't big weddings
a young man's game?
You don't have a big wedding
in your thirties.
If I do ever get married,
I'm keeping it simple.
BARNEY: A hot air balloon?
- Well, yeah.
When you're getting married
in a 17th-century castle in France...
...and making your entrance with six
white horses, you gotta make a big exit. Heh.
How much are you spending on this?
Oh, like, a lot of money.
All of my money.
Look, I know you've been traveling a lot,
but you're coming, right?
- Of course.
- Duh.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
- I'll get the next round.
- Thanks.
- I'd offer, but castle.
- Yeah.
So how are you guys doing?
Robin's really taking off at work, huh?
It's like, "Robin Scherbatsky,
World Wide News, Caracas."
Or "Robin Scherbatsky,
World Wide News, St. Petersburg."
"Robin Scherbatsky, World Wide News,
anywhere but New York," apparently. Heh.
But it's great. It makes things
super difficult for us, but it's great.
It's great.
- It's great. It's great.
- One more and I'll believe you.
- It's great. Heh.
- Sounds great.
- Hey.
- Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.
- Can I talk to you?
- Sure.
Did you wire the down payment
to the castle guy? I got a castle guy.
I've got like three castle guys.
And a moat guy, so...
- Okay.
- I didn't wire the payment...
...because I don't think
we can get married in September.
- What? What? Why?
- Because when I do get married...
...I kind of want to fit in my dress.
Why wouldn't you f...?
- No.
- Yeah.
- No.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
[TED LAUGHS]
What's going on?
She's getting a boob job.
I just peeked in on Penny asleep
in the baby room. It's adorable.
The whole place looks great, guys.
But I can't believe you let Ted
hang his jousting lance...
...from the Renaissance Faire
on your bedroom wall.
Yeah.
That's Ted's.
- So, Marshall, how's yourjob going?
- My chair is reasonably comfortable...
...for short periods of time.
Marshall has decided to say
only positive things...
...about being back in corporate law.
- So you hate it?
Much of what I do
does not make me cry.
But the job's only temporary.
Marshall was offered the judgeship once,
and he turned it down for me.
So karmically, that phone has
to ring again.
And even if it doesn't, today when my boss
threw his egg salad sandwich at my face...
...some of it got into my mouth,
and it was tasty.
Hey, what about you guys?
How was Argentina?
Great. It was great.
- It was great.
- It was great.
- It was great.
- It was great. It was great.
One more and I'll believe you.
This is so not great!
I'm sorry that I have to work while I'm here.
It's called being on assignment.
Well, what about me?
There's no Wi-Fi in this hotel.
How am I supposed to run a business,
Robin, with no Wi-Fi?
It's not a business, Barney, it's a blog.
It is a lifestyle blog for the upscale,
sophisticated urban gentleman.
And it's never gonna take off
if I can't post today's bonerjoke.
I know I'm always traveling.
We both hate it when I'm gone.
We both hate it when I drag you with me.
Neither of us is happy.
Is this just not working anymore?
Wait, what "this?" "This" this?
If I gave you an out right now...
...if there was an exit ramp right here
at the three-year mark...
...would you take it?
Before I answer that,
wanna get drunk and have sex right now?
Of course.
And then one thing led to another.
And then another.
And then another after that. Oh.
And we kept drinking,
and may have had a little too much.
[IN SPANISH]
[BARNEY SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Wow, these rooms all look the same
even when you're sober.
You're sober?
So, um...
...about what we discussed last night...
How do you feel?
I love you, Robin.
And when we got married, I made a vow
that I would always tell you the truth.
We got divorced.
I can't believe you got divorced
without telling us.
This is my mom and dad all over again.
Barney, if you start brewing
your own beer now...
...and nail my prom date, so help me...
- Years too late on one of those.
Guys, it's okay.
This isn't a failed marriage.
It's a successful marriage
that happened to only last three years.
You both want this? For real?
We do.
For real.
Lily, you okay?
Of course I'm not okay.
This ruins everything.
Now we have to choose sides.
And obviously we're gonna choose Robin,
but Barney has his moments.
I really like the bonerjoke of the day.
- You guys do not need to pick sides.
- Nothing has to change.
We've already broken up before
and we've stayed friends, remember?
As long as you promise me
this won't mean we stop hanging out.
- Okay.
- I'm serious.
I know, but I mean,
we hardly hang out anymore anyway.
They live in the suburbs now, and you two
are about to have baby number three.
Please, you're so obvious.
Your gals are back up to a full C-cup...
...and you've been sipping her drink
all night long.
We didn't wanna announce anything
till we knew for sure.
- Oh my gosh, Lily! That's amazing!
TED: Congratulations!
ROBIN: Ha, ha. Oh, my God!
- See, this, right here.
This is why we can't fall out
of each other's lives.
We have to be here for the big moments.
Just promise me, no matter what, we will
always be there for the big moments.
I promise we'll always be there
for the big moments.
See? It's like this whole divorce thing
never happened.
[LILY WHIMPERING]
BARNEY:
L...
- Hey.
- Sweetie, how was work?
My boss only called me three words
that meant vagina today, so...
- How are the kids?
- Asleep.
Good. This is working, right?
Marvin and Daisy sharing a room together?
It's not too cramped?
And then when the next one arrives,
we'll just put her crib in the shower.
It's the perfect size.
It'll save time on clean-ups.
- Let's move somewhere bigger.
- Yes. Oh, thank God.
I mean, you know, don't get me wrong.
I love this apartment. How do you say
goodbye to so many special memories?
- Cockamouse!
- We have to move!
[CHATTERING]
- Hey, Marshall.
- Robin.
Hey, I'm so glad you're here.
It's been forever.
Hey. Where's your costume?
Oh, uh, it's been a crazy week at work,
so no time to go shopping.
- Oh, uh, who are you supposed to be?
- I want to make it clear, this is not my idea.
I'm Captain Ahab.
- Why is it bad if it was your idea?
- Robin, you made it.
A white whale. Got it.
- Oh, hi.
- Heh, hi.
Yeah, I figured, people are thinking it,
might as well steer into the skid, right?
- Where's your costume?
- Oh, I've just been so busy...
Oh, my God!
Marshall, guess whose digits I just scored?
The slutty police officer's...
...tax attorney.
- Hey, Robin.
ROBIN: Hey.
Didn't see you there. Ha, ha.
Saved it.
Sorry, I gotta pee. I'll be back in an hour.
Oh, man. Is Ted still wearing
his hanging chad costume?
How old is that thing?
It's gone from played-out to charmingly
retro and back six or seven times now.
Kind of like Ted himself.
Tonight it's working for him though.
ROBIN:
How do you do this, Ted?
How do you sit out here all night
on the roof, in the cold...
...and still have faith your pumpkin's
gonna show up?
Look, I know that, odds are,
the love of my life...
...isn't gonna magically walk through
that door in a pumpkin costume...
...at 2:43 in the morning...
...but this seems as nice a spot as any
to just, you know, sit and wait.
Um...
Can you tell Lily I had to go?
I gotta split.
Speaking of splits, do you think I can do
a split in mid-air like David Lee Roth?
- I know you can't.
- Challenge accepted.
BARNEY:
Oh! My scrotum!
[SIGHS]
I can't get out of this thing. I'm holding it.
Wait, are you leaving?
Yeah, I got a big day tomorrow.
Gotta get some sleep.
No, you can't leave.
This is a big moment.
We're saying goodbye to the apartment.
The whole gang has to be here.
The gang?
Do you know who the gang is to me,
Lily?
Here's what the gang is.
The gang is a married couple,
who I never see anymore...
...about to have their third kid.
It's my ex-husband hitting
on slutty cops right in front of me.
And it's the guy I probably
should have ended up with...
...with the beautiful mother of his child.
Who in their right mind would call
that group of people "the gang"?
Oh.
Oh, so? So, what?
This is all just over then?
Our whole friendship is just over?
No. No, of course not. We'Il...
We'll always be friends. It's just...
...never gonna be how it was.
It can't be.
And that doesn't have to be a sad thing.
There's so much wonderful stuff happening
in all of our lives right now.
More than enough to be grateful for.
But the five of us hanging out
at MacLaren's...
...being young and stupid...
...it's just not one of those things.
That part's over.
I gotta go.
Good night, Lily.
Good night.
[SIGHS]
LILY: Marshall's almost here.
- Yes! Look at us, hanging out again.
This is amazing!
This is awesome! This is...!
[SCREAMS]
Okay, heh, settle down, buddy.
No. Settling down is for losers
with kids who never go out anymore.
I am in charge tonight, and the earliest
I am allowing anyone to go home is...
...2 a.m.
- 10 p.m.
- 9:45.
- 3 a.m.
Guys, tonight is gonna be legen...
Wait for it.
- Lf I leave now, I can put the kids to bed.
- I'll get the check.
- Dary. Legendary!
Guys, the gang is back! We're back!
[YELLS]
All of us except for Robin.
We never see her anymore.
In addition to you guys
not going home before 4 a. M...
Yes, it's up to 4 now.
- New rule, any time anyone
talks about something sad...
...we stay out an extra hour.
We said we'd be there
for the big moments.
- 5 a.m.
- To be fair, tonight's just us...
...hanging out till 10 p.m. Tops,
it's not a big moment.
- Um, yes, it is.
- Um, no, it's not.
- Um, yes, it is.
- Um, no, it's not.
Um, yes, it is.
I got a phone call today.
Ajudge in Queens is retiring...
...so I'm gonna be ajudge.
BARNEY: You are?
TED: Yes! Yes!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Judge Eriksen!
[ALL CHUCKLE]
I told you the phone would ring.
You deserve this.
- Thanks, Lily.
- I love you, Marshmallow.
Ugh, 1:45 a.m.
Well, you were right, Barney.
This night was, in fact, legendary, but...
I know what you're gonna say and I agree.
We're going to Vegas!
I will be awakened by screaming children
in less than...
...four and a half hours.
BARNEY: You're staying.
- I'm going.
- Judge Fudge, your very first ruling?
- He stays.
- Ha! Hey!
See? Tonight is about celebrating
our enduring bond as friends.
Nay, family, because that's what we are,
Ted, we are fam...
- Okay, fun night, guys. Keep in touch.
- Damn it, Barney.
[BARNEY YELLS]
Crushing windpipe.
You're lucky that's the only pipe
I'm crushing.
That woman is half your age.
Haven't you changed even a little?
No. I haven't.
Look, I know there was a time...
...when it seemed like I was capable
of going the distance...
...but if it wasn't gonna happen
with Robin...
...then it's just not
gonna happen with anyone.
I'm never gonna be
a guy who meets a girl...
...and from the first time I see her,
I'm just like:
You are the love of my life.
Everything I have and everything I am
is yours forever.
- Really?
- No, I'm just making a point. Move it along.
That's not me.
I'm the guy who straightens his tie,
says something dirty...
...high-fives himself and then goes
and talks to that girl over there.
That's me.
Can I please just be me?
Judge Fudge?
I'll allow it.
Then I'll a-plow it.
Self-five. Stinson out.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
[ALL CHEERING AND YELLING]
So are you guys ever gonna tie the knot,
or are you just comfortable living in sin?
- Someone's gotten a bit judge-y.
- Oh!
- Sustained.
- Yeah.
We'll get around to it.
It's just, you know,
with life and jobs and kids...
Plus this one's still insisting
on getting married in a French castle.
I'd get married tomorrow in a White Castle,
but this guy needs more "wow factor."
You're all the wow factor I need.
Aw, ugh!
Glad someone can be happy
on the day of a tragedy.
Barney, you know this is all fake, right?
That robot's not really dead.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
I'm not talking about the robot, Lily.
Everyone, stop having fun!
I'm about to tell a sad story!
Guys, remember back in 2010
when I achieved a perfect week?
Seven girls in seven nights, sure.
Well, recently I decided to attempt
a perfect month.
I put together a brand-new playbook.
No, I can't hear this.
This is just too sad.
- But I haven't gotten to the sad part yet.
- You're in your 40s. You have a playbook.
That's the sad part.
Lily, just... Okay?
So I put together a brand-new playbook,
filled with plays I'd never tried before.
Like "The Mannequin"...
... where, as in the '80s classic...
... I magically come to life,
if you know what I mean.
"The Jim Nacho," where I wait
till a girl mentions something she likes.
- God, I love nachos.
- Thank you.
Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Jim.
Jim Nacho. Inventor of the nacho.
So did you get a perfect month?
Yes.
Then why are you so upset?
That last girl, number 31?
Oh, that's a pretty name.
What is that, French?
She's pregnant.
Wait, you're messing with us.
You didn't really get a girl pregnant.
It's real. She's pregnant.
Kind of puts an asterisk on the whole
"perfect month" thing, huh?
Barney? Are you okay?
Ah! Jim Nantz! Thank goodness.
You're always here for me
in times of trouble. What should I do?
You're on your own this time, bro.
Congratulations, Poppa.
Stop it. This is a disaster.
- Why?
- Why? Because I'm too old.
I was about to enter my golden years.
My Clooney years.
My "daddy issues" years, where I don't just
remind messed-up girls of their dads...
...because I'm emotionally distant.
I freaking look like their dads.
That's the dream.
My life is over.
So where are you guys registered?
TED: Another fun fact about
the Goliath National Bank building?
The sleek but historical facade has been
described by Architecture Vision Monthly...
...as "modern classicism."
- I can see that.
TED: Mm-hm.
- Any questions from the group?
ROBIN: I have a question.
What happened to the building
that used to be here? It was way nicer.
- Robin. Oh, my God.
- Ha, ha.
What are you doing here?
I thought you were in...
Greece, Morocco, Moscow?
Yeah, World Wide News
keeps me pretty busy. Heh.
And pretty famous.
I mean, you're everywhere.
I am not everywhere.
Okay, I'm some places.
Hey, Penny. Oh, my gosh,
I haven't seen you in forever.
- I like you, Bus Lady.
- Aw.
I like you too.
Never call me that again.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
And that was it.
Wow.
A genuine Scherbatsky sighting,
out in nature.
At this point,
that's like seeing Sasquatch.
No, Sasquatch is a warm
and affectionate creature.
At this point, Robin's more like the Yeti,
cold and aloof.
Hey, Ted, ask me
if the Abominable Snowman called.
- Has the Abominable Snowman called?
- Not yeti.
Here we are again.
Another big moment for us
and Robin's missing it.
MARSHALL:
I know, baby.
I mean, the birth
of her ex-husband's love child...
...is a bit of a stretch,
but I know, baby.
Well?
It was crazy in there...
...but I threw up and now I feel better.
- Where were you?
- In the can.
I knew I was gonna urp,
so I put this on over my suit.
- Thirty-One won't let me in the room.
- We're gonna need a name eventually.
- Mr. Stinson?
- Yes?
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations because...
...the blood tests came back
and I'm not the father!
Happy Not A Father's Day!
No. Congratulations, it's a girl.
Would you like to meet her?
- No, I'm good.
LILY: Oh, just go say hi to your daughter.
This is Ellie.
I'll give you guys a minute.
You are the love of my life.
[SOBS]
Everything I have...
...and everything I am...
...is yours.
Forever.
- What? Do I have stuff in my teeth?
- Give me your engagement ring back.
Just because I have stuff in my teeth?
We can work through this.
- Just give it back. Heh.
- Heh.
[TED CLEARS THROAT]
Five years is past
the statute of limitations on proposals.
If you don't get married in that time,
you have to re-propose.
- Will you...?
- Yes. Yes, you silly man...
- Let me finish. Will you...?
- Yes. Sorry.
- Yes.
- Will you...?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Will you marry me on Thursday?
I called your office,
you got nothing on Thursday.
- Will you marry me on Thursday?
- Yes. Heh.
Aw. Same ring.
I can't believe it.
It's Ted Mosby's wedding day.
Yes. After only seven years and two kids.
Guys, am I rushing into this? Whoa.
Oh, buddy, are you okay?
So tired.
- Baby no sleepy, Barney dying.
LILY: Ha, ha.
- Well, we're staying out till 3 a.m. Tonight.
- 9:45!
Seriously though,
I am so proud of you.
Now that you're a dad,
it's like you're a totally different pers...
- Whoa.
- And we're back.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Wannajoin us for shots?
Shots? Before lunch on a Thursday?
It's like you're trying
to make bad decisions.
You young ladies need to go home,
put on some decent clothes...
...and take a good, hard look
at your lives.
Get.
Call your parents.
They're probably worried sick.
I have officially seen everything.
Not everything.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I know I've missed a couple lately...
...but we said we'd always be there
for the big moments. Heh.
Aw, crap, mascara running.
Nobody let her out of your sight.
Hi, Daddy. Heh.
Whoa. Look, I'm really happy to see you,
but I don't think of you that way.
No, dummy, you had a kid. Congrats.
- Right, yeah, thanks. A kid. I'm tired.
- Oh, heh.
- But, uh, she's awesome.
- Yeah?
Yeah. Daddy's home.
ROBIN:
Mm.
- Judge Fudge. Heh.
- Hey. Heh.
Actually, um, a little announcement.
I'm gonna be running
for State Supreme Court. Yeah.
So if everything goes well,
in a couple months...
...you won't be calling me
Judge Fudge anymore.
You'll be calling me Fudge Supreme.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
[ROBIN SIGHS]
The man of the hour.
- Heh, you RSVP'd no.
- I did.
But someone pretty persuasive
talked me into it.
Sorry. I know it's bad luck
to see the bride in her dress.
Worth it.
But I couldn't miss this.
I wanna get a picture. Get in.
I wanna take a picture of you guys.
Get together. Heh.
- Okay, ready? All right, get in.
TED: All right.
One, two, three.
Okay.
- Hey. Hey, you kids.
- Yeah, you didn't sound 1000 there.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Do you have any idea what happened
right here in this very bar?
No. What happened?
[CHUCKLES]
Just...
...all kinds of stuff.
- A toast.
ROBIN: Mm-hm.
Okay, first off, to everyone at this table.
- I love you guys so much, I can't even...
- Move to the second part.
- Secondly, to Ted...
- Don't say it.
ALL: Evelyn Mosby.
- Thank you for that.
A man with more emotional endurance
than anyone I know.
It was a long, difficult road.
Thank God we finally got here.
- Here, here.
ALL: Here, here.
TED: Aunt Lily wasn't wrong.
It was, at times, a long, difficult road.
[EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL'S
"DOWNTOWN TRAIN" PLAYING]
But I'm glad it was long and difficult...
... because if I hadn't gone through hell
to get there...
... the lesson might not have been as clear.
You see, kids, right from the moment
I met your mom, I knew:
I have to love this woman
as much as I can...
... for as long as I can,
and I can never stop loving her...
... not even for a second.
I carried that lesson with me
through every stupid fight we ever had.
Every 5 a.m. Christmas morning,
every sleepy Sunday afternoon.
Through every speed bump,
every pang of jealousy or boredom...
... or uncertainty that came our way,
I carried that lesson with me.
And I carried it with me
when she got sick.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Even then, in what can only be called
the worst of times...
... all I could do was thank God.
Thank every God there is
or ever was or will be...
... and the whole universe,
and anyone else I could possibly thank...
Will I see you tonight
TED: ... that I saw that beautiful girl
on that train platform...
... and that I had the guts to stand up,
walk over to her...
... tap her on the shoulder,
open my mouth and speak.
- Excuse me. Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm...
- The best man. Get in here.
- Oh, thanks. Here, let me.
- Uh... Oh, okay. Thank you.
- Great show tonight.
- Oh, thank you. Heh.
- You're Cindy's ex-roommate, right?
- Yeah. And you are the professor.
- I took one of your classes.
- Really? Which one?
- Econ 305.
- Econ 305? I don't teach...
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yeah.
I'm gonnajump onto the tracks now.
No, no, no, don't. You were great.
You were great.
Wait a second.
This is my umbrella.
I left this umbrella at Cindy's.
You totally stole my umbrella.
What? No I didn't.
This is my umbrella, I bought this.
Excuse me, it even has
my initials on it right here.
T.M. Ted Mosby.
Yeah, look again, Ted Mosby.
Those are my initials.
T.M. Tracy McConnell.
Um, no, Tracy McConnell,
it's T.M., totally my umbrella.
Uh, you're T.M., terribly mistaken...
...because this umbrella
has always belonged T.M., to me.
[CHUCKLES]
Although I did lose it
for a few years there. Um...
- So I went to this dance club...
- On St. Patrick's Day.
On St. Patrick's Day.
And you left it there.
And I left it there.
- You never thought you'd see it again.
- And I never thought I'd see it again.
Funny how sometimes you just
find things.
- Hi.
- Hi. Ha, ha.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Every night it's just the same
All upon a downtown train
And that, kids, is how I met your mother.
That's it?
That's it.
No, I don't buy it. That is not the reason
you made us listen to this.
Oh, really? And what's the reason?
Let's look at the facts here.
You made us sit down and listen
to this story about how you met Mom.
Yet Mom's hardly in the story. No.
This is a story about how you're totally
in love with Aunt Robin.
You're thinking about asking her out
and want to know if we're okay.
I can't believe this.
I kept this story short and to the point,
and you guys still missed it.
- The point of the story...
- Is that you totally, totally, totally...
...have the hots for Aunt Robin.
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
- You're grounded.
- Wow. You are really into Aunt Robin.
- You're grounded too.
- Heh.
Okay, suppose I were interested
in Aunt Robin in that way...
...it's not like I'd do anything about it.
I got you guys to think about.
We love Aunt Robin.
Whenever she comes over for dinner,
you guys are so obvious.
Come on, Dad.
Mom's been gone for six years now.
It's time.
What, I just call her up on the phone
and ask her out on a date?
- Yes.
- Yes.
That's something
you guys would want?
- Yes!
- Yes!
All right, I'll give her a call.
- Do it.
- I am.
- Call her.
- I'm calling her.
- Great.
- Here I go.
Or...
[THE WALKMEN'S "HEAVEN" PLAYING]
All right, home sweet home.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
Wait one second. Okay.
Stay.
Ah. We'll work on that.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
Television, display front door security.
Television, disp...
Oh, for Pete's sakes.
May come and go
Our crooked dreams will always flow
Remember, remember
All we fight for
Remember, remember
All we fight for
Remember, remember
All we fight for
Ripped By mstoll