House of Lies (2012–2016): Season 2, Episode 11 - Hostile Takeover - full transcript

Previously on House of Lies...

There's nothing going on
between Marty and I.

Huh.
Nothing.

MARTY:
I am sleeping with Tamara.

That's what I like
about you, Marty.

You shoot straight.

So Kevin decides to take
this job in New York

even after we promised
one another that my career

would take priority.

Leave right now and spend the
rest of the afternoon with me.

The Dushkin Twin brand.
(both cheering)



I'm gonna start
my own shop.

Julianne has offered
me my own pod.

I thought you were
coming with me. I am.

Look, I'm not implying that
you guys don't know Carlson.

ALEX:
We don't just know the dude.

We're seriously tight.

Mr. Pincus.
MARTY: We have another strategy that would

just blast the dead bolt
off of Fort Knox.

Unfortunately,
we're unable to propose it

at this time, because we've put
it in front of another casino.

It's fucking Carlson, isn't it?

You cannot set up
your own shop

coming off of an
$80 million deal

blowing up in your face.



That Marty
on the line?

Remind him

that I own his ass.

I own your ass, motherfucker!

("Midnight Sun"
by Isaac Delusion playing)

MAN: If you look
at the profit projections

going into the last
fiscal quarter, you'll see

that in every category,
the projections were all

within the percentage point
of the article.

Uh-huh.

Hey, guys, guys, I got to
put you on mute for a second.

Don't say anything
interesting until I get back.

There you are.

Wow, your business meetings
are more boring than ours are.

Um, it's definitely-- it's
different when you're there.

Everybody's naked.

I'm so sorry
to make you miss that.

It's all right.
You really didn't have to pick me up.

I wasn't going to
leave you stranded

on the side of the road.

I could have called
a tow truck.

Yes, I'm very, very sorry.

I-I-I thought I could
change a flat, and...

You know what?
You know, it...

That lug nut,
it was very tight.

Wasn't it, though?
It was tighter

than it should have been.
Okay, all right.

You saw it.

I-- okay, good,
thank you.

Pick you up later?

Yeah.
All right.

Bye.
Bye.

This is just a regular...?
You got to, you got to pull it,

you got to pull it up and then
in and then down and then out.

And out-- wow.

Well, thanks.
It's vintage, you know.

♪ Over again...

Hey.

You know, you probably should
have called a tow truck,

but I'm very glad
you called me.

Me, too.

Don't, don't make me your
emergency contact, though,

'cause I'm not ready
for that kind of commitment.

Okay.
I'm glad you called.

Okay.

♪ Free...

(elevator bell dings)

♪ We're prisoner
of the gravity ♪

♪ But we can still be free...

Hold it.
DOUG: Oh, hey, Jeannie.

Look who decided to show up.

Oh, really? I got here 30
seconds after you did, Clyde.

Hey, would you
look at this?

The four of us arriving
at the exact same time.

What are the odds
of that, huh?

I'm serious, what
are the odds?

Think about it--
traffic,

got to factor in
your breakfast habits,

your personal grooming,
choice of clothing.

Shut the fuck up, Doug.

(both laughing)

(whistles)
Out of line.

Don't high-five.

No, I'm not high-fiving that.
Yeah, where did that come from?

Nowhere.

Love it when you call me
into the office.

We'll... do this in privacy.

Mm-hmm, I like
where it's headed.

Okay, listen, uh, I got
this venture capitalist

who's about to pony up
some seed money.

Okay, I'm this close
to being up out this bitch.

Now, Jeannie knows
but nobody else,

and I just want
to keep it that... But wait, baby,

what, what about
the Carlson deal?

It's not closed yet.

Oh, I'll just hand off
the work to you.

I mean, he likes you
a lot better

than he likes me
anyway, so...

(stammers)
But, Marty, you're, you're spearheading the whole thing.

If you leave now, the
deal could just blow up.

No, no, no, he's legally tied
to Galweather, okay?

Now, I guess I could use
the feather in my cap,

but I can definitely survive

without it.
Well, I can't.

Marty, we are this close.

We track Carlson down,
we get the deal signed,

and it's done and you can
ride off into the sunset.

T, you're going
to be all right.

(sighs)

Marty, this is

my first engagement
back in six years.

I need this win, baby.

Please do this for me.

What are you gonna do for me?

The unspeakable.

I guess we better find
this asshole quick, huh?

Mmm!

You mean the unspeakable?

The unspeakable.
Okay, the money.

That's, uh, great work, man.

Thank you, my friend,
I appreciate it.

Expiration 8-14.

Do you see this, Doug?
Okay, thanks.

You get your own pod
and you can make

as many personal calls
as you want.

I'm having
my car towed.

Of course you are.
Hey, um,

if you're feeling overlooked
or underappreciated,

I just want you to know that's--
it's not my problem.

Pish-posh, pish-posh, Jeannie,
don't even worry about it,

'cause I'm about
to sell the Dushkins

on a club expansion
that is going

to bring so much afterwork
cashish to this company...

(sighs) I feel like
Julianne Hofschraeger's gonna be

like this: "Clyde Oberholt,
mmm, you're a god.

You are a man amongst
other smaller, tinier men."

She'll probably

offer me my own pod.

I mean, they still give
those out based on merit, right?

(exhales)

You done?

Nah, I'm not.

DOUG:
No way, he "di'n't."

Stay out, man.

(Doug sighs, splutters)

Yeah, I'm sorry about
your, uh, car problems.

That's okay.
Thank you, Doug.

No, it's okay.

You know, Sarah's always
having car trouble-- always.

You know, that's part of the
reason I don't like her making

that long drive all the way up
from San Diego, you know.

Uh-huh.
I've tried to get her to move up here,

but, uh, it's not easy, me being
the only person she knows and...

Hey...

you know what I'm thinking
now, uh, top of my head,

is i-i-it might be easier
for her if she had,

like, an L.A. gal pal to, uh...

I don't know,
Sex and the City it up with.

(both laugh)

What do you think?

I think you need fresher
cultural references.

Please, Jeannie, please,
please, come on,

I'm begging you.
I need her here.

Please, Jeannie...
♪ I'm gonna touch the sky... ♪

♪ Cameras with them flashbulbs

♪ What you gonna do
when the cash comes? ♪

♪ Flip it for now
with the quicker style... ♪

♪

Oh-ho, Dushkins in the house!

Talkin' 'bout the Dushkins
in the h-h-house!

ALL:
Whoa!

I got us set up

in the conference room

and I have
some exciting expansion ideas

that'll take the Dushkin clubs
fucking global.

Yeah, we really
want to go

in a different direction,
Clyde.

You want to do what?

Jeannie!

Join us.

What do you mean
in a different...? Okay, okay, okay, okay.

So we've been thinking
about what you guys said

about being
the brand, right?

Good.
Right, and we want

to be P. Diddy--
our own clothing line. Alcohol.

Cologne.
Yeah, when we talked about being the brand,

we didn't mean to start
your own clothing line. Yeah, so we took

the liberty of having
a prototype made up.

Check it.

BOTH:
Mmm.

That smells like...

It's pussy.
It's what now?

I'm sorry?

We call it "Snatch by Dushkin."

Mmm.

You're gonna call
the product Snatch?

BOTH:
By Dushkin. By Dushkin.

I heard you, yeah.

(exhales)
Dushkins.

ALEX:
Aah!

Marty.

(all exclaiming)

(coughing)

(sniffs)

Is everything okay down there?

It's pussy in a
bottle, Marty.

Oh.
Let me hit you with a spritz

of Snatch.
No, no, no.

I... no, I'm good, I'll just...

I'll get the contact Snatch.

It's good, right?
That's-- yeah, it's... (coughs)

(spits)

Hey, uh, I am trying
to find Mr. Carlson.

He's not returning
my calls.

Oh, yeah,
good luck with that.

He's not happy
with you, Marty.

What are you talking about?

Said you blew him off.

I didn't blow...
When did I blow him off?

The P&G deposition.

Guys, are you
fucking kidding me?

Your man is having
a temper tantrum

because I went
to a legally

mandated deposition?
Hey, look,

when it comes to business,
he's a bad-ass ninja,

but he's also
an extremely sensitive soul.

Yeah, Marty, you got to make
this shit right with Carlson.

So get me in a room
with this dude.

Okay, help me.

Can you do that?

Yeah, we can do that.

Great.

Now, as much as I hate

to break up this party, I got
a meeting I got to go to.

Oh, the venture capitalist?
Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

ALEX:
Marty, don't fuck this up.

We got a big finder's
fee coming from Carlson.

Yeah.
That's right, yep, money that's essential

to the Dushkin brand.

I would not do
that to you.

Come on, you're talking
to Marty Kaan.

CLYDE: Yes, yes, yes, yes,
the Dushkin brand, right?

That's what we should be
thinking about, okay?

Let me hit you off with this
little club expansion thing.

I can tell you
for a fact...

Clyde, been there,
done that.

KYLE: Yeah, look, Clyde,
our heads aren't really

into the whole club thing
right now. Right.

Sounds like they're buried
pretty deep in Snatch, Clyde.

Mmm.
That's why we like you, Jeannie.

So we're gonna do a little lap

around the office,
little focus group testing.

Guys, honestly I think
you could spend your time better

if we'd just sit down here
for 15 more minutes.

I think you should give
Snatch a chance.

KYLE:
Let's go, Alex.

Guys, Alex, hey, Alex,
honestly...

Shitty view.

Well...

I don't know
what's more impressive.

(laughs)

All the afterwork that a product

like pussy cologne will bring
us-- Julianne will love that--

or, uh, the prestige.

I can fix this.

I can fix this.

(toilet flushing,
Jeannie groaning)

It's...
(clearing throat)

(sighs)
Forget it.

(chuckles)
How are you?

Oh, I'm feeling, uh,
pretty old today, Jeannie.

Yeah, I went to my

30-year B school
reunion last night.

Mm!
(laughs) Ran into

uh, Karen Anderson there.

Do you know who she is?

CEO of DeMark Consulting
in New York?

That's right.

(laughs)

She is also the most
passive-aggressive narcissist

you will ever meet.

Okay.

And she was implying,
in her usual

smug fucking way,

that one of my gals
is making a move.

(laughing):
I don't know.

I mean, maybe that was just
Chardonnay-fueled bullshit...

Julianne, I have no intention
of making a move to DeMark,

or... anywhere... else.

Good.

Good!

Can you explain
something to me?

Why does everyone
get their panties wet

over fucking
New York, huh?

I mean, the weather

is shit,
the streets smell like...

You know, well,
they-they... They...

Phew.
(clears throat) Well...

you have no argument here.

I think New York is a cesspool
of, you know, hipsters

and hypocrites.
(laughs)

Just the thought of New York,

and I am dry
as the Mojave down there.

I am glad to hear that.

(sighs)

Oh, God. I just... I...

do not understand people who
think they can fuck me over

and get away with it.

(horns honking)

Marty.

Hey, Mr. Carlson.

Oh, now it's Mr. Carlson.

Well, you know...

(grunts)
Wah! Whoa! Oh.

(laughs)

Come on, get in.

Look, um...

can we just drop
all the bullshit between us?

Let's go to Vegas.

Vegas?
Yes.

Copy of the deal is
sitting on my desk.

I'll sign it
when I get there.

Or...

you could just
blow me off again.

Uh... yeah,
let's go to Vegas! Mm! Mm!

Yes!

Great.

You, uh, got a jet gassed up
at Van Nuys or something?

I do. I do.

(engine starts,
rock music blaring)

But let's drive.

Hah! Give us a chance
to really connect.

Yeah, man...

So, tell me about
your childhood, Marty.

Hey.

Hey.
Hi.

Do you mind?

No.

Well, you know, Jeannie,

I once had a thing with my boss
that did not

end well, so...

Okay, um, I don't know
what Doug told you.

Mm.
I don't even know what Doug thinks that he knows,

but, um, nothing is going on
between Marty and me.

Oh, no, I meant you and

the Rainmaker guy.

Oh.
But that is interesting.

You and Marty.
That makes sense.

Well, it doesn't make sense,
because

it's not happening.

Oh, God.
Tamara, 3:00.

We hate her, correct?

Honestly...

SARAH:
Hey, Tamara!

Good to see you!

What a fake bitch.
(scoffs)

No wonder her
husband left her

for a job in New York.
I mean, right?

I need to make a phone call.

Oh, you don't need
to make an excuse to me.

I'm not. I-I actually
need to make a phone call.

It's okay. Honestly,
you're not my thing.

You're cold,
you're a little boring--

no offense--
but for some reason,

this matters to Doug, and so,

we are going to
make the effort.

Okay?

That's a pretty big sacrifice.

Hanging out with me.

But it sounds like
you really do love Doug, so...

I do.

Yeah.

Ooh.

(phone beeps)
I'll make this in the other room.

Oh?

(tires squealing,
engine revving)

(rock music blaring)
CARLSON: I love this place!

You can scream as loud as you
want, and no one will hear.

Well, here we are.

Yeah, I see
you really went, uh...

(music stops)
...rustic with the office decor, huh?

(sighs)

Marty?
Yeah?

You ever feel like
you have a problem

that you just can't
figure out how to solve?

Uh... sometimes, sure.
So what do you do?

What do I...?
I'm not sure I follow...

Me-- I like to come out here.

I find that the desert
really clears my head.

(sighs)

(laughs)

Let's solve our
problem, Marty,

once and for all.

Um...

(cocks gun)

(gunshot)

(gun cocks)

(gunshot)

(spitting)

Gun works!

Great shot! Yeah.
(laughs)

(quietly): I'm gonna kill you in
your sleep, you fucking prick.

(ringtone playing)

(sighs)

Yeah.

Did you know
that Tamara is taking a job

with DeMark in New York?

What the fuck
are you talking about?

I just got off the phone
with a friend of mine,

and he says it's a done deal.

CARLSON:
You get reception out here?

I can't get shit.
Who's your provider?

Are you there?

I got to call you back.

You see this rifle?
Yeah.

Ernest Hemingway used
this to hunt elephants.

No shit.
No shit.

I outbid one of his grandkids
at an auction for it.

(laughter)

(both sigh)

So, uh, how do we do this?

One shot, open sights.

You hit the target,
we jump back in the Hummer,

we drive straight to Vegas,
and I sign those papers.

What if I don't?

No, Marty.

Where would I be if I only
asked myself, "What if I don't?"

You have to ask
yourself, "What if I do?"

All right.

Just feel it.

One shot.

(sighs)

Oh!

(laughter)

Right? Feels great, right?
(whoops)

Honestly, it feels
fucking great.

Right. Yes.

You know what, Mike?
Fuck the deal.

Huh?
Fuck the deal, fuck the papers.

Let's just do this some more.
Can we do that?

Are you serious?
Yeah, I'm dead serious.

Yes!
Great.

And thank you
for asking. Okay.

Do you know what?
You know what?

Can I go get another toy
out of the back, though?

What? No, no, get
whatever you want.

I saw something back there.
I just... I'm dying...

No, grab anything
you want. Okay. Fucking great. Whoo!

(grunts)

(laughs)

(gunshot)

(laughs)
Whoo!

It's beautiful!
Yeah!

(gun cocks in distance)

Hey.
(engine starts)

Marty?

Marty?!

You motherfucker!

MARTY: Enjoy your
watermelon, asshole!

Marty?!

Marty, what...?!

(gunshot)

Fuck you, Marty!

(bird screeching)
Fuck!

So that's it, huh? I mean,
you wouldn't even just consider

buying the Broscaper Junior
as a gift... for your nephew?

ALEX: You know,
to properly

coif the nether regions.
He's eight.

KYLE:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Broscaper Junior.

Hey, can I talk to
you for one second?

I apologize.
No.

No, you guys should
keep talking. Malcolm.

You got this, man.
Close this deal.

You got this.
She's gonna buy it.

All right.
What's up, bud?

(groans)

You see what he's
trying to do, right?

With this whole "Let's
be P. Diddy" thing? Yeah.

Wait. What's he doing?

He's trying to
marginalize you,

because he's fucking jealous.

But the clubs, War--

that is what put
the Dushkin name on the map.

And you're the brains
behind that operation.

Everyone fucking
knows that. They do?

Of course they do.
Are you kidding me?

You're Simon,
he's Garfunkel,

and he's tired of it, so he's
trying to build his own thing.

Look at him spraying
that shit around.

What the fuck
is he doing, man?

He's trying
to make you Garfunkel.

He's making me
fucking Garfunkel?

I'm telling you.
Beauty.

Who's Garfunkel?

It's... a bad...
that's a bad ref...

Nobody knows...
You're right.

Nobody knows you're Garfunkel.
I apologize.

Think about the stupid fucking
products he's throwing around.

Pussy cologne?
Pussy cologne.

Broscaper Junior
for eight-year-olds?

Man, they don't even have pubes.

That's right, Alex.
They don't even have pubes.

What are they gonna be shaving--
their skin fucking off?

Oh.
These are terrible, terrible ideas,

and you knew that.

See, I fucking knew
that you knew that.

Man, I get that you
want to support him.

I understand.
He's your brother, but...

Are you really gonna let him
destroy everything

that you worked
so fucking hard to build up

just over some bullshit
power play?

(laughs)

Hey, Kyle...
Come on.

We're gonna hear
Clyde's pitch. (sighs)

I gotta set up in here.
It'll take two seconds. All right.

Let's do this.
She wanted some Snatch.

Come on. Do you want
some money, though? This better be fucking good.

(phone buzzing)

Hey.

Hey. Listen,
the Carlson deal's on hold.

Fuck.

Why do you always assume
it's a bad thing?

Has Daddy ever
let you down before? Well...

Don't answer that.
Look, I may also

need you to run point
on the paperwork with my lawyer.

Okay.
Is Tamara in the loop yet?

She's not a concern
of mine anymore.

What does that mean?

It means she's not my concern.

Uh, I gotta go.

(phone beeps off)

Mr. Pincus.
Marty.

It's been a while.
Yeah.

What can I do for you?

Well, uh...

you can give me
your word that, uh,

all the afterwork will go
through my new company

after we make this deal.

(laughing)

What deal are we making?

Online gambling.

The deal I already said no to.

That's right.
Jesus, Marty, you're relentless.

So is Michael Carlson.

Who's parlaying the money
he'll make on online gaming

to strengthen his stranglehold
on the Strip.

It's a lot of alliteration,
isn't it? I know.

Allow me to illuminate.

Now, the casinos in red,

those are the ones
Michael Carlson already owns.

The ones in blue he can't touch
because they're thriving--

Caesars being the king
of that hill

because of their
online poker presence.

But the green ones,
Mr. Pincus,

the green ones,

they're vulnerable,

struggling to survive.

And those are the ones
that Michael Carlson

is going to try to acquire.

See that one there?

That's you.

Marty, no one's acquiring me,

least of all
fucking Carlson.

I...

I'm rebuilding.

Just waiting on those
zoning permits, right?

They should've come through
by now, though.

Mr. Pincus, have you heard
of the name Samuel Walterman?

How about Daniel Lopez?

They're on the
city council.

How many city councilmen
do you have

on the speed dial
of your phone?

Because Michael Carlson
has at least two.

(line ringing)
Carlson's phone? Where did you get that?

He left it in his car.

MAN: Hey, Mike.
What can I do for you?

Hey, you know where I can bury
a dead hooker, Danny?

Uh, it's gonna cost you.

(phone beeps off)

Oh.

Sounded really chummy,
didn't he?

Now, how much are you willing
to bet that Michael Carlson

pulled a lot of strings
to make sure

that your paperwork
didn't go through,

try to force you
into selling?

Mr. Pincus, you said online
gaming didn't excite you,

but fucking over
Michael Carlson

and making a boatload
of money in the process,

all while polishing
the Emerald

to a high sheen-- that has got
to be pretty fucking exciting.

I'm in. Can I have that?

Whoo!
Do you see it, baby?

Oh, my God!
What is that smell? Did you see it?

Oh!
Oh, Clyde, at least keep the door open.

God, what is it? I can...
I can almost taste it.

Oh.
Oh, you guys

must be allergic
to the smell of victory

because the Dushkin twins

loved my fucking pitch.
Now, they don't know

where the hell Barcelona is,

but they cannot wait

to open up a club there,
and that is because

of me.
Clyde...

take a beat before...

Before what, huh?

Before the Dushkin twins
start writing some

fat fucking checks
to Galweather Stearn?

Is that what I'm...
What am I waiting for?

I don't understand.

No, I'm just saying
that the Carlson deal

is not even closed yet.

Oh, I see. It...

Am I detecting
some sour grapes, Jeannie?

You afraid that I'm sucking
some of the wattage

from your star power?
Is that what it is?

You know what?
You're right, Clyde.

I'm-I'm sure it'll go off
without a hi...

without a hitch.
(coughs)

Congratulations.
I'm gonna burn this.

I'm gonna burn this suit.

I'm gonna burn this suit!
(Doug groans)

Oh, hey. Um, you know,

Sarah told me that you guys
had a really nice chat.

Hmm?

She's great, right?

Doug, Sarah is...

Sh-She really, really
cares about you.

I know.
It's crazy, right?

For two people
to have what we have?

God, I just love her.

Oh, look who comes home.
Hey, Pop.

Uh, well, you're just
in time because...

I was about to make

my move
on your beautiful visitor.

(Marty chuckles)

Mm-hmm.

What?

Nice meeting you, Tamara!

(chuckles)
Not good?

Eh. Not unless you
like evil bitches.

Oh, shit.

What the fuck, Marty?

I know, I know, I know. Sorry.

Hey, what-what are
you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I waited for you
for almost two hours.

I know.
I called your phone, you didn't answer.

I got worried.
I've been... Listen,

I was on a plane...
Yeah. Thank you.

Back from Vegas.

Deal is done.
What?

Are you kidding me?
I know. No.

Oh, honey.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.

I told you we'd be
celebrating tonight.

I know.

Doing the unspeakable.
Mmm.

(Jeannie and Nate moaning)

You know, she didn't
even tell him.

That is so fucked up.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Right?

I mean, I'm not saying
Marty's, like, an angel

or anything... If you want
to leave your husband, Uh-uh. He's not an angel.

go back to your husband.
Just own it Okay, okay.

and be a decent, fucking human.

Can we maybe not discuss

your boss's love life
right at this moment?

You don't like talking
during sex-- I get it.

No, I like talking a lot.
I do. I just, you know...

Would you prefer
that I blow you and just...

(chuckles)
keep my mouth occupied?

Why are you picking
a fight with me? I'm not picking

a fight with you.
TAMARA: Let's get to it,

baby.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Little wrinkle. Um...

I took the deal...
Mm-hmm.

to Pincus.

Yeah.
It's gonna be a big piece

of business
for Kaan and Associates.

It's gonna be a
game-changer, really. But, Marty,

I'm-I'm totally confused
because you know

how important this deal was.
Yeah, how much you had riding on it.

That deal was, like,
everything to me. Yes, I understand.

You made that very clear.

(sighs)

I was gonna tell you
about my job at DeMark. I was.

Yeah, well, guess
somebody beat you to it.

Yeah, clearly. Let me guess.

Was it, um, I don't know,
was it Jeannie?

Is something going on
with you and Marty?

No. We're not...

I mean, we're not...

If that's what you're asking.
That's not what I'm asking.

Just seemed like...

until today,
you were really happy.

I thought things were good.

They are.

They were.

You know, Marty, we could've
talked about this like adults.

Yeah, but this just
seemed so right.

I'm sorry
if I hurt your feelings.

Don't... Tamara,
you fucked me over, okay? No, I am. That is...

You-you-you played me.

You're so great, Nate.

I mean, you're truly amazing.
Are you breaking up with me?

I don't... I don't think
you should.

(sighs)

I don't think I should either.

So don't.

TAMARA:
Really?

I fucked you?

Marty, how far did you think
this thing was gonna go?

You think I don't know
who you are?

I know exactly
who Marty Kaan is.

I'm sorry.

(phone buzzing)

JEANNIE:
Hey. Yeah.

It's me. Listen.
(clears throat)

Get everybody together and meet
me at the office in 20 minutes.

(elevator bell dings)

Kiddies.

Take a good look around.

Soak it all in.

Because, by this time tomorrow,
we don't work here anymore.

♪ Don't push me, I won't move ♪

♪ You won't win, I won't lose ♪

♪ You ain't me, I ain't you ♪

♪ I'm gonna win,
you gonna lose ♪

♪ Don't push me, I won't move ♪

♪ You won't win, I won't lose ♪

♪ You ain't me, I ain't you... ♪

Meow.