HouseBroken (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Who's Obsessed? (A Lifetime Original) - full transcript

- I love you.
- And I love you.

Do you smell something?

Cherry?

No!

I thought
my new dog-walking group

would be a chance for me
to dominate socially.

But the female dogs are so
cliquey and full of themselves

with their long coats
and in-proportion bodies.

- I get it, Elsa.
- I've been trying to make

friends with the birds
outside Kevin's apartment

to save me from my
soul-crushing loneliness,



- but they deserve better.
- Chico, I am so sorry...

you thought it was a good idea
to talk just then.

Elsa, I think
the real problem is your issue

- with female animals.
- I do not have an issue

with female animals.
I mean, you and I are

- basically best friends.
- Incorrect.

Well, Tabs, Nibs, how many
gals' nights have we spent

- braiding each other's fur?
- None.

- We never include you in that.
- Okay, well, Bubbles...

Don't ever talk to me.

Honey, do you think
I need to lose weight?

Is this about those mean dogs
at the beach

- calling you a small walrus?
- They actually called me

a "smallrus,"
which is more hurtful,



- because it's fun to say.
- Smallrus.

- No, it's Jill.
- She's getting me a dog walker.

Makes no sense.
Most of this is muscle.

Yep, pillowy, soft,
undulating muscle.

But the exercise might be good
for you.

- I don't know.
- I think I'm in pretty...

good...

shape.

Uh, hey, can you, um...
Can you just slow down?

I think I'm maxed out
speed-wise.

Yeah, everyone, can you
please be considerate?

Because this whale ain't used
to walking on dry land!

Bladow!

- Ho-ho, oh yeah, Clark?
- Well, could a whale do this?

Are you all right there, laddie?

- Whoa, did I die?
- Are you an angel?

No, you just
fluffed your ruff a bit.

- I'm Ruby.
- I'm Chief.

Um, could you give me
a little nudge?

I'm working with, like,
zero core strength here.

Yeah, heh. Thanks.

I miss my house.

I just wanna get back
to my cozy bed and play

with my cool toys and eat
the pot pies my human leaves

on the counter to thaw
while she's at work.

Oh, I'm sure it's a gas
roamin' around your house

flinky binky
while your human's away.

But this walk doesn't have
to be all bad.

My mam mam used to always say,

"You can't blonter a clover
without dimpin' a little gold.

So dry those eyes
and get ploofin'!"

It's not like I don't want
to ploof, but it's hard

when I'm stuck on this walk
with stupid Clark

and his cool wheels
and his awesome floppy legs.

- Oh, help!
- I'm getting sucked

into the gravitational pull
of this gas giant!

- Ow!
- Bladow!

Oh, forget about him.

What do you reckon you and me
be friends?

- Huh?
- I'd reckon that very much.

At least there's one
nice dog on this walk.

Watch out, bitches.

I'm about to friend
your brains out.

Making lifelong female friends
in three, two...

Chief?

Honey didn't tell me you were
gonna be on my walks.

- Hey, uh...?
- Elsa.

- You know each other?
- Um...

Uh, know each other?

I'm only at his house, like,
every day.

Well, isn't that a womper?

Well, I'd love to stay and chat,

but I have some
heavy-duty bondage to get into.

What up, sluts?
You wanna slow your roll

so E-cig can get up in there?

This content has been flagged
as basic.

- Oh, forget it.
- Oh, don't let those lassies

chap your slapper.
They wouldn't know

a loafy from a zagger
if it bit 'em in the dumper.

- Yeah!
- I'm not the problem here.

Wait, have you been
on these walks before?

Eh, a few times.

I just moved here
from Echo Park.

Oh, yeah, my human

got tear-gassed
in a swan boat there once.

Why don't you have a leash?

My human doesn't believe
in the power dynamic

they support.
Well, sounds like you know

Chief pretty well.
Are you two...

- Oh, God, no.
- I mean, I can't say

I've never gotten a vibe,

but he's the mate
of my best friend, Honey.

- She worships me.
- His mate?

- Yeah.
- Look at me crushing

female friendship. Bladow!

Chico, you made it.

Yeah,
thanks for inviting me over.

Kevin's been gone
longer than usual,

and Hoodie Kevin's giving me
the silent treatment again.

Just tell me what I did.

So it's nice
to not be alone for a while.

Happy to help, but you've
got to be out before dark,

because once the Sun goes down,
I cannot protect you.

- Exciting!
- So that's the gym.

Don't go in there
without a spotter.

One...

It's also the birthing center.

And this is the dining room.

Do not eat anything
you find in here.

Oh, your human's here.

That's my human's twin sister.

She died years ago.

You have a lovely home, ma'am.

And this is the pool.

- Let me guess...
- Don't go in there?

Eh, it depends on how
attached you are to your fur.

Maybe I'll skip the pool.

I'll be so happy
when this walk is over

and I'll have lost
all that weight.

- So tell me more about Chief.
- What twinks his dink?

- Let's see.
- Well, he likes eating,

obviously. Um, big napper.

He hates squirrels,
but loves chasing them.

Ooh, complex.

- And what is Honey like?
- Well, she's a therapist,

so she likes
to process everything.

Between us, sometimes,
I wonder how her relationship

- with Chief even works.
- Oh, so there may be

- a crinch in the zeber?
- Uh, maybe.

Hmm.

Oh, boy.
I sure could go for a big bowl

of kibbles and coddle,
right about now,

- and then a nice long nap.
- Oh, yeah!

And after that nap, take
another real quick, hard nap.

- That would be awesome.
- Then I'd wake up

and chase squirrels
for the rest of the day.

Oh, man, I hate squirrels.

But I love chasing them!

Whoa.

It's like you're reading my...

- Diary.
- Mind... ary.

Oh, Chief,
wouldn't it be a smash

to come up here sometime,
just the two of us?

- No Clark?
- Sounds awesome.

Well, I'm not doing
anything tonight.

- Oh, me neither.
- Great!

- Hey, guys.
- What are we talking about?

- Come on, Chief.
- Let's go find something

stinky to roll in... alone.

Hey, wait up!

Take a hint and get lost,

unless you want
a larch in the garbler.

Not my garbler.

Hi, again.
Thanks for having dinner

with me. Yeah, uh, no problem.

But can we make it quick?
There's a big yellow ball game

on later.
Oh, if another night would be

better, we can reschedule.
Yeah, you know what?

Let's do that. Okay, later.

O... o... okay, bye.

- I'm all alone.
- No, you're not.

- Who said that?
- Look down.

- Who are you?
- I'm Trey.

I'm a flea... hopped on
at your friend's house.

You seem like
you needed some company.

That was very thoughtful.

Being alone has been
getting to me.

Well, you don't have
to be alone anymore.

I will be with you 24/7.
In fact... nah, never mind.

- What?
- You know, it's just

having one friend... it's great,
don't get me wrong.

But what if I told you

you could have a whole
bunch more friends?

- Hello, hi.
- I'm Chico.

Nice to meet you. Jump on.

All right,
I think that's everyone.

Chico, what do you think
of your new squad?

They're beautiful.

I was a little behind
everyone else,

but I aced that walk. Oh!

And I made a friend.
Her name's Ruby.

She's from Echo Park,
which, judging by her accent,

- is in Jamaica, I think.
- Oh, look at you,

making new friends.
You should bring her by group.

- Oh, sure, yeah.
- I'll find out if she likes

- boring stuff.
- We now return to the

Lifetime original movie,
"Watched by a Stranger."

- I don't know.
- Do you ever just feel

like you're being watched
by a stranger?

- Yeah!
- Chico's gettin' it!

- Go Chico!
- Go me!

Go me!

You had your chance.

Epic dance party, guys.
But I got to go to group.

Road trip!

Uh, now, guys, I love you.

I mean, we're squad goals.
But Honey's not as progressive

when it comes to parasites
as I am.

So while we're in there,

please keep it down and cool it
with the skin tickling.

- Boring!
- Shut up, Chet!

Uh, don't worry about it, man.
We'll be cool.

So Elsa,
how's the walking group going?

Well, I'm so glad

you asked me that.
I have made...

- Shh.
- Tons of lady friends.

- Name three.
- Uh, Ruby, Kotex.

The point is, I'm making
friends, and I am itching

to get to know them better.

Itch?

Well, scratch that itch, girl.

- Scratch?
- But play it cool,

- or they'll flee.
- Flea?

I'll tell you what really
makes my skin crawl.

Makes?

- What's that sound?
- It's my squad.

- Squad?
- I'm pretty sure I'm crushing

a lot of them,
but I'm just so itchy.

This is not a drill.

Initiate flea protocol.

- I'm sorry, Chico.
- I don't make the rules.

Yes, you do.

Yes, I do.

- Bla to the dow, chunko!
- Aw.

Where were you last night?

We were supposed to meet
up here for a date.

- You meant that?
- Oh, I thought we were just

making walk talk.
But also, I can't really

- go on dates 'cause of Honey.
- What if there was no Honey?

Oh, well, then I guess I could.

Ugh, Clark.

I wish you
and your super cool wheels

would just go away forever.

Oh, don't trip, my brother.

Seriously,
we're on a fault line.

Blad... ow!

- Clark!
- Oh, my God,

- not again.
- You okay?

- I'ma be sick.
- Dibs.

Hmm...

What's your...

name!

- Password?
- What is that smell?

That was yesterday's
password, but we'll honor it.

I need some information about
an Irish Setter named Ruby.

I have some suspicions about her

that are completely unrelated
to her being a female animal.

If you think that just
because I'm a scavenger,

that I'm part of a network
of low-lives who dig up dirt

on unsuspecting animals,

then you're exactly right,

and I'll do it if you let me
supermarket sweep

your owner's medicine cabinet.

- Mm, sure.
- It's mostly fiber pills.

We about to get litty and loose!

Hey, you don't need those guys.

- You have us now.
- Thanks, Trey.

You're a good friend.

Hey, you know
what'd cheer you up?

Some hot, sexy ticks.

- Show me them tickies!
- Eh, I don't know.

I'm not sure I want
anything else living on me.

- Shut it!
- Look, hey, you don't wanna

party with us anymore,
that's fine.

We can always go somewhere else
so you can be alone.

- No!
- All right then.

All you gotta do is walk on
into those woods.

Okay.

Whoo!

Ah, it's great to be back
in the whole neighborhood.

You know, I ate my first
cigarette behind that bush.

That was back in 2019.
We didn't know.

Hey, buddy. Uh-oh.

You got a lot of nerve
showing your face around here.

- Oh, flip!
- You said you loved me!

Look who's back for more.

- These guys aren't talking.
- You're right.

We need to find ourselves a rat.

Yeah, I know a lot of dogs,

but my memory's not
what it used to be.

Yeah, yeah.
I think I know the dog

you're talking about.
She called herself Cherry,

skipped town not too long ago.

The things I know about her

would knock the stripes
off your tail.

But before I tell you, you
gotta do one more thing for me.

- Please say sex.
- Please say sex.

Can you untie me
from this thing?

I hate these guys.

This is real bad, man!

We have to get back as fast
as raccoonily possible

to tell Elsa what the rat said.
It's life or death!

We can't let anything
distract us from our...

Okay, three rides,
two snacks, but that's it.

- Hey, watch it!
- What the...?

- Are you a flea?
- Yeah, hi, I'm...

- No names.
- We can do this the easy way

- or the hard way.
- You wouldn't.

- Oh, no!
- Fleas!

Empty! No!

Hold on, sweet girl.

You are so screwed.

Those fleas messed
with the wrong childless,

overcompensating dog mom.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Oh, I don't know
how I didn't see the car.

- Aw, don't feel bad.
- I once got run over

by a parade. It was pretty fun.

- I met Al Roker.
- I was just dropping by

to see this fabulous Honey
I've heard so much about.

- Fabulous?
- I don't know about that.

- I mean, well, it does track.
- I know it was just

a little bump,
but I'm a bit jankered.

If only I knew someone
who would help me process

this traumatic event.
You know, like a counselor

or a... therapist.

I'm a therapist!

Maybe we could take a walk

- later to somewhere private.
- Oh, absolutely!

- Oh, great.
- Your bed is so comfortable.

Thanks for letting me
rest in it.

Of course, what's mine is yours.

- It will be.
- What?

What?

Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug!

Yeah!

- Tr-Trey?
- Trey?

- Make it quick.
- I've only got Crystal

for, like, five more minutes.

I love hanging out
with you guys,

but I have
very little blood left,

so I think it's time
to dial back the party.

- You don't get it, do you?
- This body is ours now,

and we're not leaving
until every last drop of blood

is gone.

Puke and rally!

We got here as fast as we could.

- What did you find out?
- Ruby's real name is Cherry.

And she's a total psycho.

Hey, that's really insensitive.

But yeah, I mean,
she's totally nuts.

Back in Echo Park, she became
obsessed with this foxhound,

but the foxhound had a mate.

Ruby tried to get
all chummy with him,

but the mate wasn't buying it.

Do you smell something?

Cherry?

No!

Anyway, their house blew up.

And she didn't even look back?

I have to warn Honey and Chief.

- Chico?
- Look, I'm popular.

- Oh, no.
- Chico, we gotta get rid

of them
before they bleed you dry.

- But they're my squad.
- I was lonely,

and now I'm not. So go away.

- Yeah, go away!
- Chico, please!

They're killing you.

I'm fine.

Honey, you're in danger!

Ruby wants to kill you
and take over your life.

What's going on?

What is she doing here?

She's staying with us
until Jill finds her human.

- Honey, no, don't believe her.
- She doesn't even have a human,

- do you, Cherry?
- Cherry?

Yeah, that's her real name,
and she's a total psychopath!

- Ask any raccoon!
- Oh, Honey, you've got

your paws full
with this little duffle pump.

She's two potatoes shy
of a mash.

Yeah, talk therapy
has its limits,

and I can't legally prescribe.
Oh, well.

How about we take that walk now?

- I'd like that.
- And let's get into that

trauma-lama-ding-dong.

I mean,
if you're ready to share.

Honey, she just
looked at me menacingly.

Menacingly!

- You caw-caw'd?
- Ruby's not Ruby.

She's Cherry,
and she's a murderer.

She's gonna kill Honey
so she can be with you

and take over her life!

Okay,
I'ma need that one more time.

I can't imagine

how heavy you'd be with blood.

There's a reason all the fleas

in this house know
to leave us alone.

And it's right here.

It's a little spooky
up here at night.

- Don't worry.
- We're all alone.

- Come on, buddy.
- I can't do it, Gray One.

I don't wanna go back
to being alone.

- You're not alone, Cheeks.
- I'll always be by your side.

- Whoa, Chico.
- What about your squad?

- Sorry, Trey.
- Party's over.

No!

Oh, no.

Chico?

We did it! I'm finally free!

Thank you, The Pink One.

I'll never forget you.

I mean, I think there's room
on there for both of us.

Uh...

- Ah, it's beautiful up here...
- Great place to plumb the depths

of your subconscious.
You go first.

Hey, why don't we talk
in that cave?

Yeah, okay, let's cave it up,
girl!

Ooh, it's dark in here
like the womb.

Speaking of,
what's your earliest memory?

Where do you think
this pit goes?

I don't know,
but it looks pretty deep.

I bet if someone fell in,
they'd fall...

All the way to hell!

Stupid fleas.

Wait, were you just

about to push me into the pit
without an accent?

Yes, and now you can plunge

to your death knowing the truth.

- Why are you doing this?
- It's nothing personal.

You just have something
I want, and after all I've

suffered through,
I know better than to wait

- for someone to give it to me.
- Don't this, Ruby.

We've all suffered.

No one has suffered like I have!

I was taken from my mother

and my siblings
when I was just 12 weeks old.

The people who took me

made me sleep in a cage
and eat off the floor.

I would have to beg
for scraps of food.

Beg!

That all sounds
like pretty standard dog stuff.

- But I love that you're talking.
- Shut up.

You have no idea
how good you have it.

That's why I'm gonna take it
from you.

No!

Let me go!

- Never!
- Honey!

- Elsa, help!
- Hold on!

I can't do it. You're too heavy,

and I'm just a slip of a thing.

I'm sorry I doubted you, Elsa!

- It's okay!
- It would be cruel of me

not to forgive you
considering the circumstances.

Blimey, how has no one tried
to off both of you knackies

- before this?
- Oh, now your accent's back

- for Elsa?
- Really?

Elsa, focus!

Oh, no!

- I got you!
- You'll never get me.

And this is why
I don't exercise.

I can't even look at that
cave without wondering

"Am I safe, or will Ruby be back

to finish what she started?"

Well, first of all,
she tried to kill me, not you,

and second,
Ruby can't hurt anyone anymore.

- Please pick me.
- Please pick me.

- Oh, good day, kind family.
- Care to bring me home?

- No?
- Well, your kid's ugly!

- Oh, look at this one!
- Can we get her?

- Can we?
- Sure thing, kiddo.

Let's go make that happen.